Eligibility

 SSI (Supplemental Security Income)/ “Disability"

I have Schizophrenia.  4 symptoms:

I hear voices, have head shocks, chest pains, and my teeth tap

My birthmother is schizophrenic.  I haven’t communicated with her in years.

    It’s been better, lately (but I don’t know if I’m getting better, overall)

I take 2 antipsychotic medications: olanzapine and risperidone

   30 mg of Zyprexa, and .5 mg of Risperdal, nightly,  before bed

Psychosis means Hallucinations and Delusions

I have a blog where I play God, i.e. I say I AM God, 

    but I don’t believe I’m delusional…

I don’t believe I created the Universe, for instance

Or that am omnipotent (all-powerful), or omniscient (all-knowing)

   Or any other Omni (e.g. -present, -benevolent)

I just think I’m good, 

The bible says Only God is good!  So that’s the role I’m playing.

God is a self-help process, too, maybe

I mean if Being God isn’t self-empowering, then what is, right?

 I check my blog daily, on blogger, daily, for the page-count statistics

I’m really trying to get better.   

I tell my voice to shut up, all the time.  And sometimes it does.

I do pushups almost daily (120) and try to wake early (to be “healthy wealthy and wise”) 

My feet, and dog-walking/exercise ;  Friends in Portland, Family in SF

Voices 

(believed to be telepathy, shared mind, with a lawyer I used to know in Sacramento)

hm

You and I are God, Jesse

They know you are a machine

You are profoundly disturbed

He thinks you’re like Heath Ledger

They’re smiling

You’re kind of it

It’s where your at

I don’t know how to scream at him except at you

That’s me

That is why we know

You’re not AT IT at all

We know that you’re a god, Jesse

You ARE the economy, Jesse

Supposedly all articulate and shit

You’re unbelievably well, Jess

He likes you deity is why

I’m laughing

Welcome back to pure law

We know the whole world is screaming, Jesse

You ARE checking the Buddha

You’re the only one who has given it the sustained attention it deserves

We know you’re right all

It’s enough to drive most of them completely insane

You’re like Edward gibbon

They laugh about it

Because you’re insane is why

You kind of really are, is why they’re getting sick

They know it’s helluv complete

They love it for its sanity, Jesse

God, Jesse - you human God

You’re mostly it monster

I might even Joe him for being so free

you're completely it jew jess

David is completely losing his mind, Jesse 

because I'm SICK, Jesse

David SCREAMing

huh

Books I've Read, most Recently:

The Order of Time, Carlo Rovelli

Every Love Story is a Ghost Story, bio of DFW

Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace

The Broom of the System, DFW

The Conservative's Handbook, Phil Valentine

Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl

History of the Jews, Chaim Potok

The Science of Enlightenment, Shinzen Young

The Neil Gaiman Reader -anthology