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I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 900 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Latest Reads

I just finished 4 books

(4 is the only number with the same number of letters: F-O-U-R)

-Naked Lunch, by William S. Burroughs
-Freakonomics, by Levitt and Dubner
-American Psychosis, by E. Fuller Torrey
-1339 Interesting Facts (to make your jaw drop), by Lloyd, Mitchinson, & Harkin

One of the facts is that
Brazil, Cashew, Coconuts, Peanuts, and Walnuts aren't actually nuts...Nuts!

Thursday, October 16, 2014



Health, sanity, fitness, strength
Love, friends, family
Money, security, comfort
     (wrap-wealth, riches, affluence, prosperity)
Peace- world peace, inner peace (calm, tranquil)
      (absence of conflct, presence of harmony)
Joy, laughter, merriment, happiness, fun
Booklists (1001 books you must read before you die)(fiction)
      (bad- book-a-day, speedreading)
Knowledge (life-long learning)
Excitement, variety, travel
Help others (service, volunteering, mad- make a difference)
Get out into Nature more often
Heaven (if it exists) (a-afterlife, or b-bliss, or c-cheer)

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Being God

Why I think it's a Sane and Rational outlook/philosophy

1)Buddhism teaches Basic Goodness
(that all people are basically good)
The bible (Jesus, specifically) says Only God is good.

I put those two together, and I get Everyone is God.
sounds crazy, but I've gotten used to it.
I do believe some people are more God than others, however
There might be someone who is Most God (most good)
I am not claiming to be that person (egads, imagine the pressure!)
just as there might be someone who is Most Devil (most evil)
Thank God I am certainly not that person, either (so to speak)!

2)God is everywhere, I was taught
(though I recently learned the JW's don't believe this)
and Jesuits try and see God in all things
Our bodies are things
So these principles imply we are God, too.

I don't believe in souls.  I guess that makes me a materialist.
But I know physics has virtual particles, and things "popping into existence"
so I have an open mind.
Today, my voice said, "you know nothing."
I'm inclined to disagree, but maybe it's true.
Should I doubt my own existence?
Am I just a computer program in a holographic universe or something?

3)Is claiming to be God actually the devil's work?
I admit I am only human, and therefore imperfect.
But I think I am a good person, and that, I think, is enough to be Godly, if not God Himself.
I don't believe in the devil.  d-evil is 4-evil, and I think NO ONE is (really) for hell, suffering, or eternal torment (which would be indisputably evil).  They might invoke a punishing God to scare people straight, or to terrorize evildoers, as a form of justice, but like I said,
NOBODY would choose to experience eternal torment, him or herself.

 some expressions, or "spells," that could be evil:
"all right"
"it's all good"
"take care"

I simply don't think that evil, sin, depravity, wickedness, crime, injustice, cruelty, torture, suffering, and murder are "right" or "good" or that I shouldn't "care" about rectifying these things and making a better world.  But that's just me.  Then again, being against war only creates more war, according to the Secret, so maybe, in the words of Jesus, I "know not what I do."  

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Reading to Relax

Therapeutic Reading

"Studies show that reading reduces stress  by 68%.  
More than
-listening to music
-going for a walk, or
-settling down with a cup of tea."

I copied this from a post on facebook.  Sorry, I don't have the source. 

drone strikes quote

by Rosa Brooks,
Georgetown University Law Center professor

"Right now we have the executive branch making a claim that it has the right to kill anyone, anywhere on earth, at any time - for secret reasons, based on secret evidence, in a secret process undertaken by unidentified officials.  That frightens me."

Yup, me too.

I got this quote from a recent John Oliver bit, that was on my facebook page.

Is the $68B/yr spent by U.S. intelligence agencies supposed to make me feel better about this?

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Looking for a New Place

in the Bay Area: looking to pay $650/mo, or less

Greetings, Friends!

I have just been made aware by my landlord that my current room in (southwest) Berkeley won't be available anymore, starting February '15, so I'm informing all my friends that I am officially looking for a new room to rent! I plan to move at the end of January, or sooner.

I have a preference for the Bay Area, as I have family in San Francisco, and friends in the East Bay, and a YMCA membership in Berkeley. I also love the weather here, libraries, Kaiser, etc.

Please let me know if you know of -or have- anything becoming available.
(either a Studio, or a room of my own in an apartment or house)

About me:
I walk dogs, receive social security/disability income, enjoy writing, have a blog-
I am 43, male, single, straight, have never been in debt or evicted,
am friendly, respectful, clean and neat, responsible,
no drugs, nonsmoking, will not have pets, will often be out,
quiet (I listen to computer/music with headphones),
and I don't watch much tv (I'm actually a bit of a bookworm).
I go to the Y almost daily (I love to swim), as well as the library.
I ride my bike and take BART everywhere (I don't have a car),
so I don't need a parking space.

I also consider myself a student, although I am not enrolled or paying money for schooling, and am attempting to read a book-a-day, in addition to the daily news. I went to UC Davis, and have a degree in International Relations, and speak some Spanish (but am a bit rusty). Before that, I got a Jesuit education at SI in SF (class of '89) .

My phone is 510-590-0327

I look forward to hearing from you!
p.s. the sooner I arrange my housing situation, the better, I think.  The latest I can move in is February, and the earliest, now...although I would, if possible, like to use my paid last month's rent for my current location, of course.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

A Plan to Enjoy Life

despite having schizophrenia

     Perhaps someday I will no longer have schizophrenia/ be schizophrenic. It happens! Sanity, and remission of symptoms is something to hope for. It's 2014, and I've been diagnosed schizoaffective (schizophrenia plus bipolar) since graduating from college (UC Davis) in 1993: 21 years, so far. I'm better than I was, and my medications have helped. Maybe I'll be healthy, well, and sane sometime in the next 21 years. Maybe David will die or decide to leave me alone. Maybe there's a way to disconnect. Maybe the world will see the light, and become less aggravating.

      My 3 symptoms are a voice, headshocks, and chest pains. They are a daily reality, and some days are better than others. Mental illness can be a bitch. Most of the time, it's just annoying, and I think of it as being like an insect, a bug, a nuisance, a pest. Other times, the voice can successfully push my buttons, and make me enraged. Self-control means being able to resist hatred, hypnosis, and hell. I went off my medications at one point a few years ago, and ended up in jail for ten months, after an argument with a roommate led to me wrestling with 3 police officers. Aggravation and torment is a daily reality. Of course, I plead daily for David, my voice, to shut the hell up, respect me, stop invading my privacy, and leave me alone. I'm not sure if he also causes the brainzaps and chest pain, too: It's simpler to just blame him for the whole package. I suspect he's at least partially responsible.

     I'm not sure which has helped more -the medication, or the friction with the source. By friction, I mean replying in kind. By source, I mean David. When he voices to me, I often reply back. Presumably he's a schizophrenic, too. He calls himself a global telepath, however, and is undiagnosed, as far as I know, being regarded as sane. Once you're schizophrenic, the label “high-functioning” doesn't mean much. You are mentally ill, sick, and have a malfunctioning brain. You require medications, usually don't have employment, receive social security/disability income, remain poor, have consequent difficulty with making a family (finding/keeping a partner and raising children), and live under the threat of worsening symptoms, disrespect, and even possible homelessness or imprisonment. Schizophrenics are 8 times more likely to commit suicide. It's not fun. But David functions high enough to be a Deputy Attorney General for the State of California, and I allow myself to think that maybe David interacts with me the way he does in order to further justice, peace, sanity, and other benevolent goals (such as economic development). 

      It's like being possessed. The bible says, “do you not know that you are not your own?” Either the presence is welcome, and you “let go and let god,” or unwelcome, in which case you are being intruded upon, colonized, controlled, victimized. It is tempting to think of the situation as one of having demons, or even being possessed by the Devil. My replies are voiced internally, as vocalized thought, and presumably heard -like prayer- by David, who many years ago said he and I were vampires. David Andrew Eldridge is an actual person (unless he's dead, I haven't talked to him or inquired after him in almost a decade), and not an invisible friend or ghost. I don't believe I'm hallucinating when I hear him. I hear his thoughts (a few, anyway), and he hears mine (it seems like all of them -some of them, anyway). Is this what they mean by the holy spirit?  Auditory hallucinations, I believe, come from a source, the brain. The brain is where the mind is. And having an “open” mind means hearing other people's thought. As Pink Floyd sang, “there's someone in my head, but it's not me.” That person, for me, is David Andrew Eldridge, self-proclaimed demon, attorney-at-law, african-american, homosexual, mathematician, and “natural psychologist.” He said he had Seasonal Affective Disorder. I think it is telling that his name anagrams to both “degraded, livid” and “dag ridded evil.” When I'm fed up with it, I call him names. When I'm charitable, I ignore him. I imagine both serve his purposes (such as instigating criminals into weaker positions on the chessboard of life). I'm a different kind of SAD (schizo-affective dis.). 

     I'm hoping physical health will lead to mental health. I have a membership at the local YMCA, and I go almost daily, sometimes twice.  And I'm hoping that writing this also will be a step in the right direction, toward clarity, if not sanity.

Scripture, by God

Today's thought:

God is always and everywhere, omnipresent. We learn this as children. Well, I did, anyway. The Jesuits “endeavor to see God in all things.” I went to a Jesuit high-school in San Francisco, and the current Pope, Pope Francis, is a Jesuit. Only God is good. Which isn't saying much, because “only” everything is God. Life, the Universe, and Everything, you might say. Infinity. The Universe, which is infinitely big, is Reality, which, in the words of Adi Da, is “all the God there ever is.” If the big U is infinitely big, you might be tempted to consider yourself as infinitely small. And you are. But infinity goes in both directions: You can go infinitely in the other direction, smaller and smaller, like a computer's screen saver. So, in a very real sense, you are infinitely big, too. Big up yourself, says Ali G. Big me, big me, sings Kurt Cobain. Maybe there is an entire universe in your head! Anyway, God is made in man's image: God is love, and God is the creator, which is just another way of saying your parents, or if you like -sex- is God, too. I am God. You are God. We're already God, whether or not we have sex, or “make love,” or whether we consider ourselves to be Gods, claim to be God, or think, say, and do in the role of God. So as much as we all are in fact God, I still hold that some of us are more God than others, however. God is the principle of goodness, and there is a full spectrum of human behavior between depravity and saintliness -or goodliness/godliness if you prefer. Godliness is just a matter of being good, making yourself good, making life good, as a positive force in the world. And each of us lives in our own world. You are in control of your own life, your own destiny. God is One, says scripture, and the Top Dog, the Big Cheese, the Head Honcho, is of course you exercising control over your own quality of life, with a little help from your friends. But -and this is the big problem and exception- some people relinquish that control, and submit to the will of others, in some cases even being possessed. You can “let go and let God” or you can “let go and let SMELBAD.” That's my acronym for Satan, Mephistopheles, Evil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Antichrist, Devil. I'm just pointing out that others may not have your best interests at heart, and may even hate you. Others CAN make us happier, of course, but we shouldn't rely on them. And others, in the same vein, can make our lives a tormented, miserable, even painful, living hell, longing for death, and consumed with suffering. You can be in love, and live in a heaven on earth. Or you can be hated, even tortured. Children have to obey their parents, and their teachers, and -like adults- the law. Some advice, and some laws, are better than others. However, we all only live once, and we should all follow our own lights and do whatever is necessary to make ourselves happy, without infringing on the rights of others, who deserve the same high level of happiness as ourselves. Psychology is the new religion, the science of happiness the new scripture, of the New God, You. Economics, then, is important. Money is an anagram of 'my one,' which only emphasizes the importance of prosperity to happiness, which is what God wants for all of us. Wealth, Riches, Affluence, & Prosperity: that's a WRAP! Comfort should be a universal goal, and it is reasonable and within the realm of possibility to imagine an entire planet with basic needs met, the highest level of healthcare available to all, and a sustainable peace maintained in a safe and secure world, that respects the equal rights of all. Poverty, war, preventable disease, and suffering can all be prevented and mitigated and replaced by a happy, rewarding, comfortable, healthy, and secure lifetime of pleasantry and global mutual respect.

Scripture, by the way, is -in my view- absolutely anything written by anyone, ever (!).  The entire library is holy writ.   The dictionary, cookbooks, all the graffiti, jokebooks.  The onion had a funny article recently about this, but I'm holding fast to this outlook, even if it seems absurd that a Honda's drivers manual is made to be as holy as, say, Song of Songs.  Omniscience means God reads everything!  Right now, I'm reading the Prairie Home Companion's Pretty Good Joke Book, 5th edition :-)

Friday, August 22, 2014

in brief

my life: y, music, reading, dogwalking, kaiser

virgo/september birthdays: Pierre 9/1, me 9/3, Liz 9/10, T (9-11!)
I'm having the family dinner on Su 8-31 in SF
Burmese with S&P (burma superstar, b-star if you're hip)
got Pierre a gift, he gave me 2 bitcoin giftcards.
(and Amish peanut butter, and shoo-fly pie)
 Theresa sent me pics of her 3 adorable frenchie puppies (now sold)

yesterday, I bought a bongo burger berkeley baklava, and it was the best!
(lotsa b's, and all true!)
their burgers are good, too, if you must.
i told theresa that i have thai ginger paste tofu sometimes in san leandro (so good!)
she works as an intake person for a psychiatric unit-
up to 40% of schizophrenics attempt suicide, and 5-13% succeed.

just finished Clifford A. Pickover's "The Physics Book".  really interesting (to me).
recommended: Terry Pratchett
(a psych nurse recommended his work to me years ago)
I've read Going Postal, and Good Omens.  lots more await!
The Onion Book of Known Knowledge (borrowed from Julie)
I read alot of their website, often (theonion.com)
I'm reading joke books,
and library: scifi short story collection,
and Word Catcher by Phil Cousineau,
and Making Whoopee by Evan Morris
I've got my 14 page booklist (two 7page booklists), i've shared copies of with lotsa folks.
If you ask, I'll make one for you, too.

and recently I wrote to my mom:
No, I haven't talked to David (outside of my head,  anyway) in many years, and don't intend to, ever.  The voice is in my head.  I don't think I'm hearing him speak to me, like he's in the room, outside of my head.  But I hear him like you would your own (vocalized) thoughts.  Does that make sense?  It seems like telepathy.  I believe it's telepathy.  But the meds help, so it does have something to do with brain chemistry.  Some days are better than others.  All those "lines" were on the 8th.  Sometimes I talk back.  That is, I think vocalized thoughts directed to David, like "what the hell is your problem?  Leave me alone."  I've thought that one many times.   My head has been quieter, more healthy/sane, since then. In addition to the voice, sometimes I get headshocks, and also sometimes I feel chest pains.  Those are my 3 symptoms.
if you were wondering, in brief, I wear boxers!


my view

first, defined (dictionary.com):
Also called mercy killing. the act of putting to death painlessly or allowing to die, as by withholding extreme medical measures, a person or animal suffering from an incurable, especially a painful, disease or condition.
painless death.
if only ALL death were painless!
There are many views on what is a "good death," but painless definitely qualifies, in my book.
we're all dying, all of us, from the moment we're born (or conceived!), it's fate, destiny, unavoidable.
Like Pink Floyd sings, each day is "one day closer to death"
Good diet, exercise, love & happiness, family, friendship, community, etc. (e.g. saftety &security) extend life/forestall death- but to dust we shall return.
speaking of which,
I'm not sure the bible definitely promises eternal life, or the existence of souls to do the living, in heaven, wherever that is.  
I think the "dust" verse is definitive.  
Even though there's the phrase "sure as hell," I believe Oblivion is certain, whereas Eternal Torment is just trying to scare the hell out of people, so to speak.  A just God would never create such an abomination, in any case.   But hellish existence (before death) is certainly possible, and unfortunately, all too real, if not "common."  Physics says matter is conserved, so we can all look forward to being broken up after decay into the earth, I guess.  Teshara recombines into 'as earth', by the way.
Souls don't exist.  Just bodies, brains, minds, made of food, dna, and thought.  I don't believe in ghosts, either.  But you can be "haunted" by memories.
Heaven is nice to imagine, to hope for, and to strive to create (for the living, while alive), but I'm pretty sure there's no afterlife for anybody, positive, negative, or neutral, as much as I would like to be surprised, by "waking up" after dying!  Where is heaven?  I only believe in ONE universe, and heaven is the pleasant state of being alive, which we create (or destroy) for ourselves, individually and communally.  Of course, Heaven can be like a video game, or a dream-world, but it's still in the one Reality.

anyway, getting to my point:
if life is miserable, or painful, and without hope of improvement, death is a comparative improvement.  It's the state of Non-Being.  But depression or grief can make it seem hopeless, when in fact there IS hope.  So I think the law shouldn't approve assisted-suicide, mercy-killing, or euthanasia, unless it can be PROVEN that the pain cannot be assuaged.  Which is a tall order, because who wouldn't feel a lot better after, say, a dose of heroin?  I admit I don't know what I'm talking about, but it seems there's a drug for everything, these days.  Or maybe going fishing, or skydiving, or eating a delish meal with a friend?  Surfing, comedy clubs, sex, exercise endorphins, i dunno- travel, a crime spree?  go nuts! if you're dying, anyway, you're pretty much free to go to town!  And I realize we're all dying, but for me, reading a couple thousand (of the BEST) books and trying to live a long, happy life is preferable to going out in a blaze of glory (or infamy).  But that's just me.  I'm not recommending transgression, but maybe it's preferable to death, and could reduce suffering, for you.  You could change religions, make a bunch of new friends.  If you don't care if you die, you could become a mercenary, and fight for something you believe in.  Maybe before allowing assisted-suicide, the patient has to complete a series of experiences (rollercoasters, drugs, meals, shows, what-have-you), before being declared legally hopeless.   If insanity is a legal term, maybe hopeless should be, too (!) 

Also, I wanted to say that either we treat animals like humans, or humans like animals, because really, in my view, there's no difference.   If we put dogs to sleep, then why not humans.  But if we take all possible measures to improve the lives of our dying pets, then we should do the same for the dying (homeless, say, or any other fellow human being on planet earth, suffering).  If we're carnivores, then why not eat people, too.  Killing a pig is just as immoral as killing a person, in my view.  Some pigs are smarter than some people.  But intelligence has nothing to do with it.  Obviously, we shouldn't eat retarded people.  If we're human, we should be humane.  After euthanasia, we can eat our hopeless friends.  I'm kidding, I think.  Something to chew on.
I think too many people who are suffering want to inflict their pain on others.  This is wrong.  We should always and everywhere be trying to improve our lot.  Animals' lot.  Humanity.  The Universe.  Love should be our goal, not a blind extinguishing of suffering by eating barbeque and blowing ourselves up for Allah.  We're all in this together.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

schizophrenic voices

from 8-8-14

It pisses me off, which is where the "mad" comes in, but
I don't believe they're auditory hallucinations: telepathic communication, rather.
I've noticed they are all 5 words or less.  Why, David?

God, you're a sucker
David crying Jesse
I'm evil
fuck you Jesse
all right (especially; endlessly repeated)
fuck you
David killing himself Jess
David is dead jess
i'm sorry
david screaming
i'm crying
david is going to hell
 david is
I can't take anymore
i'm insane jesse
i'm going
to kill everything
i hate life
david crying
david is crying
i hate you
did he write that
i'm not well jesse
it, jess
i'm death
all right, jess
david is getting evil
and I mean evil
i'm scared jesse
i can't believe you
david is hurting me
she's crying jess
because you're right
i'm wrong
david is so fucking sad
they're scared of life
i can't deal jesse
i'm really tired, jesse
i am so fucking sick
i hate life
i'm tired of screaming
i'm getting stupid
i'm screaming mad
i'm going
i'm tired of law
david so destroyed, jesse
i'm sorry
i'm really really really sorry
david sick of life jesse
me going crazy jesse
jess you're crazy amazing

Sunday, August 17, 2014


all about my SAT score

1260 – highly composite number, pronic number, the smallest vampire number, sum of totient function for first 64 integers, this number appears twice in the Book of Revelation

it's also the Catholic Radio station (1260 AM) in my area.

690 verbal
570 math
back in the day

kinda weird that a self-proclaimed God should have such a "rich" number?

I don't know what a composite number, totient function, or pronic number is.
I'm not sure I care.
But I will definitely look up the Revelation connection.



Wednesday, August 13, 2014


I'm house/dog-sitting, in Oakland today thru 8/19th

Just sitting is good, too.
SPAM's (SaraPierreAugustusMarcel's) has a recliner, rocking chair, and comfy leather couch.
no excuse not to! 
They're off to Allentown, PA

the Oakland, Piedmont branch, library -nearby- is open M-F
M 12:30-8
TWR 10-5:30
F 12-5:30
(Sa Su closed)
-I plan on reading the NY Times there.

-I will be :
letting Marcel out to piss in the a.m., feeding breakfast
walking Marcel at 1p, 5p, and 8p.
dinner at 6p

-daily exercise, bike to Bkly Y on alternate days (a good workout, itself!)
hopefully I will not gain weight.
I should aim to lose weight, in fact:
pushups, crunches, dips (between chairs),
dumbbell rows, tricep extensions, bicep curls, shoulder press
I gained, last time I sat, is the concern.

-kaiser group thurs. 10:30-11:30am
scifi library book (best of, short stories) due Friday the 15th
word books due 21st

-they have roku tv, and wireless, for my computer.
i'll have to make use of their laundry and kitchen, too.
i'm told there's totino's pizza rolls (!) haven't had those in awhile.
the full set of Game of Thrones (books AND hbo tv series) awaits.

this blog's feedjit widget is back up, after not working for awhile. Yay!
coming on 10,000 viewers!  Thanks, y'all!
daily computer routine of 12:
email, onion, wikipedia, dictionary.com,
yahoo news, hp, cnn, csmonitor, berkeleyside,
i also like ted, j!archive, youtube

Sunday, August 10, 2014

animalia captivity

Saturday, August 9, 2014

possessed by evil

in need of an exorcism?

I don't believe in souls, but if you feel possessed by the devil, I'll pray for you.
pray, not prey.

if you're possessed by God, on the other hand, you're in love.
"I'll be yours if you'll be mine"
"the one that sets me free"
(song lyrics, on ksmc, tonight)

more thoughts on evil, continued:

sin, separation from God
spite, malice, revenge
depravity, vice, crime
war, atrocity, hell
demon, devil, monster

crime: defamation of character, slander, libel, calumny
invasion of privacy
war crimes, crimes against humanity
wmd, weapons of mass destruction
abc, atomic biological chemical weapons
atomic/nuclear/fission/fusion bombs
theft, rape, manslaughter, assault, battery

injustice, unfairness?
voice vice, brain pain


savage, sadistic, cruel infliction of pain and suffering, torture

the devil is d-evil.  d is the 4th letter, so you're the devil if you're "for" evil.
but what is evil?
if life is good, then death is bad-
so murder, assassination, killing, execution, homicide are wrong.
if life is bad, then death is good?
well, no.  life can always be made good, right?

what are the categories of suffering?
fear, terror, anxiety, stress, worry, upset, scared
sadness, depression, misery, feeling bad
pain, hurt, agony
anger, hatred, rage,wrath, fury
sick, ill, diseased
mental illness
victimized, violated
inconsolable crying, tears, weeping, mourning, loss

unmet needs
hunger, starvation, exposure, privation, poverty,
possessed (not in control)

the mean, cruel, sadistic, torturous victimizer is indisputably evil.
buddhists don't want to be one with this person's universe, I want to say.
it's not "all good"
then again, maybe the twisted person's suffering
can be allayed, made better by prayer, and/or meditation.
uncaring, apathy, indifference

Tuesday, August 5, 2014


my day, by Jesse Teshara

I woke up at like 5am, listened to whrb jazz off my itunes on my cordless headphones (good for roommate situations) for like an hour, checked my blog (the feedjit widget that shows the last 10 visitors stopped working, so i can't see who/where's visiting my blog from around the world, argh! i miss it -i tried pasting code from their site, still no good, no email reply from them yet, wondering if i ever will, told them i'd be willing to pay something for it, though), surfed the web -the usual sites (bookmarks) and checked my email, went back to sleep, up again 9:30ish,  went to san leandro and walked fido and taco for an hour, had chinese food there with julie (spicy broccoli with rice and a coke), took bart back home, quick nap with kalx radio on, ate leftover chinese, texted/talked to sara, biked to library and surveyed the ny times, bought about $3 worth of sugar-free froyo from yogurtland, exercised at the Y on the cardio bike (for 45 minutes on level 14, 'round 500calories),  went to trader joe's and spent $27 (exactly!), came home, ate some more (nuts, sourdough boule and hummus, chicken-less salad, ritter chocolate), vegged out to more music, read a few pages of Elster's word book ('what in the word?'), checked for an expected package (maybe tomorrow), reviewed my finances (i like going to the bank website and tallying  how much i can spend/day within my budget), and took my meds (30 mg zyprexa zydis- olanzapine, 1mg risperidone-risperdal) before going to bed around 10pm.


Sunday, August 3, 2014


last night, i had dinner at my folks'  house, in SF, with Larry and Peggy, Tom and Jeannine, Steve and Penny. 7 Tesharas.  I took BART, hung out at the Glen Park library, bought a taco at La Corneta, beforehand. It was carne asada, and my mom made bbq pork... at least i'm eating less meat.  On the brighter side, I discovered the TJ's vegan chicken-less salad-yum.

I've got 4 library books out:
-The Year's Best Science Fiction (30th collection)(short stories)
3 language books:
-What in the Word? by Charles Harrington Elster (really good!)
-Word Catcher, by Phil Cousineau
-Making Whoopee, by Evan Morris (Words of love for lovers of words)

the first Game of Thrones book, by George RR Martin (Pierre's)

I just won tickets to Yoshi's (jack london square/oakland), for this Thusday at 8p, me and a guest. The website says the tix are $22.  Like a free 44 bucks!

this morning I'm going to the Intimate Impressionism exhibit, at the legion of honor, in SF, with SaraPierre&Augustus

I'm walking dogs, and having lunch with my friend Julie on Tuesday

After Kaiser, Thurs. morning, I'm having lunch on Piedmont with Brooks, maybe Walter too.

a week from today, 8/10th is my mom's birthday ('45)

8/13-19, i'm house/dog-sitting, in Oakland

at last, i beat my cold, so I'll return to my daily exercise routine at the Ymca. I gained weight again, like 10 lbs; am trying to get back down to 200.

basically, I read, listen to music, exercise, dogwalk, and write.
-and buy stuff, mostly food: maybe i should join eharmony or match.com, because okcupid doesn't cut it, although it does say i've got 44 people who like my profile.  Me and my 44 lady coven, lol.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Jesse Weirdness

and some Al Gore, too

Jesse Teshara and Al Gore are both 4,9.  (I.D.)
Al Gore has 6 words that evoke his name:
algorithm, regalo (gift in spanish), allegory, galore, goral, largo
(a goral is an asian short-horned goat-antelope)
(largo is italian for to perform dignified and slow)
-this seems to resonate with his speaking style, no?
and, of course, orgle! (not! but it should be a word)
he's from TN, and Jesse is very 10-esse

jessant (like a plant budding, issuing forth)
jessamine (jasmine)
jest and jester (I'm jess t)
jess (the strap on the leg of the bird in falconry)
chewy (I'm also Chuy, in spanish)
je suis ('i am', in french)
jesus (pronounced hey-zeus)
esse, in latin means a. being, b. eating (J- esse, wwjs?)

I am also Big Brother, Uncle Jesse, and Mr. T (like my bro, dad, and grandpa)

 a rumination quote on 'jedi':
"In Latin, the plural of Jesus would be Jesi, but that's too obvious. If the early Christians cloned Jesus to preserve his unique DNA, they might have built the Jesus Eugenics Development Institute."

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Meat and madness

an interesting etymological connection

from wikipedia:
The word meat comes from the Old English word mete, which referred to food in general. The term is related to mad in Danish, mat in Swedish and Norwegian, and matur in Icelandic and Faroese, which also mean 'food'. The word mete also exists in Old Frisian (and to a lesser extent, modern West Frisian) to denote important food, differentiating it from swiets (sweets) and dierfied (animal feed).

Food is 'Mad' in danish.  huh.

I'd be mad, too, if I were treated like meat.

'Jesse' means the whole office of the eucharist, which is the cannibalistic eating of Jesus-
(literally, in catholicism, or symbolically, in other christian denominations)

mad is both a. angry and b. bonkers
anger and insanity go together, I guess.

what's eating you?
Jesse also can be Jesus or Chuy (pronounced Chewy), in spanish
also, Isai.  I say, good chap, is ai any good?
Isa is Jesus in arabic.

I am not Jesus.  I am Jesse.  And I am not my name.  I am my body.
my body is what I eat, less what I excrete
I get most of my food from TJ's (my initials), i.e. Trader Joe's

it's a weird thing to chew on (ponder)
puts the Mass in masticate, I guess
eat can be rearranged as ate (which sums to 8 -125) (like god -764)

Trader backwards is 'red art'
J is the 10th letter.  therefore, Tennessee is kinda Jesse-ish, cryptically.
Satan is 11216 (of the english alphabet) which is, say, 10.
(who decided the alphabet's -random?- order, anyway?
esse in latin means 'being' and also 'eating'.
so my name, i guess, has something to do with eating satan.
and they say you are what you eat, of course.
food is 6664, if you want to chew on that.
my dad is Larry T.  clarity = see Larry T?

Sunday, July 27, 2014

family numbers

some weirdness

my dad was born in '43, and I turn 43 this year.
I was born in '71, and my dad turned 71 yesterday.

other fun facts
Benjamin Netanyahu and Pope Benedict and, now, Benjamin Teshara
baby Bibi?
(oh boy.  oh brother!)

dad and uncle, Mr. T and Uncle Tom
me, Uncle Jesse/Big Brother
born on the same day as the country of Quatar
sharing a birthday with a Saab (9/3) and the Z71.
mom: PG&E (Peggy), and PT cruiser
T mobile...Verizon LG (Liz & Greg, or Larry & Greg).
LGBT (Liz Greg Ben Teshara!)

bye bye
-JLT (jolts: jilted, as it happens; and also jailtime)
maybe I should drink some Hennessy
(jolt cola is gone, I think)

Friday, July 25, 2014

world economy

some stats

population: 7.25B people
(how many animals?)

world gdp (gross domestic product, 2012):
84.97T dollars ppp (purchasing power parity)
71.83T dollars (nominal)
per capita? ppp gwp (gross world product): $12,400

world debt: 58.864T dollars

animals, continued:
1.37 million species (and counting, IUCN 2012)

research labs- 100M
livestock -24B
land birds -400B
land mammals -1 T
land reptiles -10T
land amphibians- 10T
fish- 10T
dust mites- 10 Quadrillion
insects- 10 Quintillion
zooplankton- 1 Sextillion
nematodes- 10 Sextillion

total: 11,010,010,031,431,100,000,000
(more or less, lol)
that's 11sextillion, 10quintillion, 10quadrillion, 31trillion, 431billion,100million!

that's just on Earth.  the galaxy is a big place.
and the Universe is even bigger!

Extra! Extra!

Read all about it! Some of the days news-

1)In today's New York Times (F 7-25-14), on p. A10:
The 85 richest people in the world have as much money as the bottom 3.5 Billion!
12% of humanity (842 Million) suffer from chronic hunger

1.while 30% of humanity -almost a third- are overweight.
2.and, in america, almost 40% ($165 Billion/year) of food goes uneaten/to waste.
3.in the world, about a quarter -24%- of the annual 4 billion tons of food (6 quadrillion calories) produced goes wasted or lost.

This is mind-blowing, in my opinion.

2)In the Berkeley Tri-City Post (weekly edition, July 16-22, 2014):
Capitol Punishment was ruled unconstitutional by California's state supreme court in 1976, but was reinstated by the legislature the following year.  Since then, 13 inmates have been executed here, most recently Clarence Ray Allen in 2006.  An analysis by the Los Angeles Times found that

California spent $308 Million on each execution.

The article, taken from the Huffington Post, is about the good news, in my view, that a Federal Judge has ruled California's death penalty unconstitutional.  He struck it down because the system is arbitrary and in violation of the Constitution's 8th Amendment.

aside (from wikipedia)
According to the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, in 2011, world military expenditure for the world amounted to 1.735 trillion US$.[1]

news summary:
world news-
85, 3.5B,
California news-

Monday, July 21, 2014

Two State Solution

Palrael and Israstine!

I think there shouldn't be any conflict (anywhere on earth, actually)

Like the U.S., the Middle East is a "melting pot"- if there were ONE country of diverse languages and religions, then any conflict would be crime, not war.  It's seems to me they should tear down the walls, permit everybody everywhere, and let the chips fall where they may.  Who would bomb their own country?  Mix it up!  It seems to me crime is preferable to war, with it's missiles and tanks, incredibly expensive hardware that enriches the military-industrial complex and arms dealers, and kills so many more people.   There's enough room for everybody, and no need for the crowded population density in the west bank and gaza, that results in destruction of homes, and innocent non-combatant civilian death, when Israel gets paranoid and invades a vastly poorer and weaker territory that has been made resentful by Israel's own oppressive policies of settlement incursions and economic strangulation.  A richer society helps everyone!  Israel is oppressing itself, its own people, and its own economy.  Pink Floyd and Ronald Reagan were right: tear down the wall!  Us and Them thinking is just stupid, in my opinion.

Speaking truth to power, Israel is the oppressor, and Palestinians -it seems to me- are mostly just trying to get by, having been shafted by Hitler almost as much as the Jews were, by consequence of the Zionism after world war two that rewarded Jews with the "promised land" as recompense for the holocaust, which displaced the Palestinians from their homeland, too.

Honestly, what would happen if there were no borders (anywhere on earth).  I think this is a hypothetical that should be addressed by academic geographers, if not the U.N.   Like I said, isn't crime VASTLY superior to war?

Saturday, July 19, 2014

my ideal

a day in The Life

early to rise, well-rested, breakfast/vitamins/pre-workout powder, whrb jazz
online routine (email, news: yahoo, huffpo, wapo, wikip, cnn, berkeleyside, csmonitor)
go for a 20-30min run,
exercise at Y (french countryside or ridiculousness on lifecycle tv),
(or free weights, or swim), or:
Yoga (1 hour at yoga to the people)
library: a book-a-day! (train to speedread)
(i'm basically omnivorous, with an interest in a mix of the occasional science/physics book, true crime, encyclopedia, 1001 fiction list, short stories, atlases, history, and new languages)
learn some new vocabulary, daily
survey, read the daily NY times
maybe read some Economist, F. Affairs, Mad, People, CSmonitor
more online: check blog, more music, j!archive, onion, facebook
win lottery! travel, house, car, wife, kids, etc.
meet someone new, e.g. pretty women (online, or on the street)
eat well (such as the carnaval at Pedro's Brazilian, or a TJ's salad, or froyo)
use my new electric toothbrush
occasionally: walk dogs, housesit, help someone move, write blogpost, piece of baklava

busy, busy!
(between the book, and exercise, and keeping up with news, and the everpresent music- my days are full).

but ideally I'll have money and a girlfriend.
maybe I should prioritize this.
complacency, happy with the status quo..
i also have mercy for animals leaflets to distribute.

Friday, July 18, 2014

The "Good" Person

a partial list of attributes and qualities

fit, strong, healthy, well, thriving vitality (tv!), sane
endurance, stamina, flexibility, dexterity, coordination
alive, awake, alert, aware, present, grounded, mindful
vibrant, happy, cheerful, joyful, friendly, fun, funny, humorous, laughing, merry, jolly, silly, frivolous
pleasant, pleasing, pleasurable
gentle, genial, generous
sunny, positive, optimistic, festive, jovial,
blissful, tranquil, cool, calm, collected, solid
grateful, helpful, appreciative, appreciated
integrity, honest, trustworthy, true, human, humane, real, realized
loyal, courteous, kind, obedient, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent
respectful, kind, warm, gentle, caring, good, benevolent, honorable, just, merciful, fair, good, lawful, godly, in love, compassionate, sympathizing, empathic, emotional, sad, enraged, self-controlled, equal, equable, equanimity, charitable, giving, moral, virtuous, goodwilled, kind-hearted, tolerant, good-natured, benign, gracious, considerate, altruistic, comforting
intelligent, curious, engaged, thoughtful, smart, brilliant, insightful, educated, informed, instructive, informative, factual, encyclopedic, investigative, explorative, questioning, knowledgeable, wise, understanding, truthful, enlightened.
loving, sexy, attractive, beautiful, athletic
motivated, dedicated, driven, focused, ambitious
be all you can be, aim high, a force for good
role model, example, leader, respected
productive, efficient, competitive, rich, affluent, prosperous, frugal
careful, reflective, active, well-rested, clear, effective, busy, punctual
well-groomed, well-dressed, well-mannered, hygienic, clean
poignant, eloquent, interesting, clever, quick-witted
talented, emulated, sought-after, valuable, capable, prepared, meritorious
harmonious, creative, innovative, disciplined, structured, intense
lifelong learner, always improving/never satisfied
content, relaxed, spiritual, contemplative, meditative
dynamic, transformative, change-agent, revolutionary, independent
safe, secure, powerful, potent, virile, fertile
well-rounded, responsible, appropriate, apt
cool, hip, funky, awesome, amazing, stellar, incredible
superior, ultimate, masterful, supreme, entertaining, perfect

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Truth vs. Currency

my take on "the marketplace of ideas"

which ideas have purchase in the m.o.i.?

Part of the schizophrenic experience seems to be voices that contradict, contrast, and challenge your thoughts.

Commentary on your beliefs, such as "i believe everything you think is wrong"
To which a funny reply/response would be, "You're absolutely right"

this process reminds me of the Scientific Method, which holds nothing sacred, and holds all theories to be temporary, until something better comes along.

'Question Authority' and 'Don't Believe Everything You Think'
The contrarian skeptic in my head..

Also, it (ideas vs. their opposite) makes me think of matter vs. antimatter,
popes vs. antipopes, christ vs. antichrist,
me vs. anti-me, (opposites attract?), you vs. anti-you?

Anyway, telepathy seems to be probing beliefs, determining either the truth,
or what is believed to be true, held to be true (if not in fact real)

I definitely believe in an other that can hear my thoughts.
"You are not alone" (prayer is heard, if not answered)
But WHO, is the question, can hear thought?
I suspect that a Godly "source" is actually a hyper-intelligent human that generates the thoughts of others, as opposed to actually hearing them.  But maybe someone can hear an entire restaurant, and make sense of it, for example.   This power is supplemented by an ability to test which of his own ideas "take" or "have currency."   Just a theory.

Friday, July 4, 2014

atheist fun

from our friends at AtheistRepublic.com

"It's like this: I created man and woman with original sin.  Then I destroyed most of them for sinning.  Then I impregnated a woman with myself as her child so that I could be born.  Later I will kill myself as a sacrifice to myself to save all of you from the sin I gave you in the first place."

well played.

God is everywhere, and god is good, so there IS no sin...
satan rules this world, so everything is evil
we're all God, and we're all a hodgepodge mix of good and evil, defined differently, changing all the time, in varying proportions, evil being forgiven, good going unrecognized, and believing all things!

You know, that God is Love, and Love believes all things, seems like a heck of loophole!

causing hell is evil
causing heaven is good
does hell cause heaven, and heaven hell?

does syria cause berkeley, say? (that's not what I meant)
(hm, maybe it will! the berkeley of the middle east!)
thesis, antithesis, synthesis- a historical dynamic
law changes according to the cases brought before it...
psychologically, you feel happier when others around you aren't as happy as you
or when you're in a position of being a helper to the helped
superior to the inferior
but not having what others do makes you feel comparatively worse.
comparative wealth is not comparative happiness, but it can be.

Modern Slavery

20 to 30 MILLION slaves

that's the estimate of the current number of slaves in the world, despite it being outlawed in all countries.


What to do?

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

ABC'S of Death

Animals, Babies, Criminals and Soldiers

(that's meat, abortion, capital punishment, and war)

don't ever let anybody tell you it's All Good!
Thou Shalt Not Kill
God is love, and love is pro-life!

We live in A SICK SOCIETY, and A SICK WORLD, too.
killing is evil
it's basic

love and respect and mercy and mental health dictate
we respect life with a consistent life ethic

Killing ABCS must end.

Vegetarianism, Adoption, Freedom, and Peace all feel really good!
War and Prison and Slaughterhouses and Killing your own baby are hellish.
Criminals should not live in a hellish prison -we've all been there, we can relate.
Hating is only human, and killing criminals for murder would imply we should also kill soldiers, warmongers, workers at abattoirs, hunters, carnivores, and anybody else responsible for premature death, like malpracticing doctors or abortionists.  God is merciful, God is good!

Jails and Prisons shouldn't be hellholes of institutional terrorism.  A war on terrorism includes prison reform, so everyone's quality of life, including those we are tempted to exact institutional vengeance on, is made better and more meaningful.   We only live once, and hells on earth should be extirpated.  Those who succumb to temptation to do evil, and that includes most of us I would say, deserve mercy.  If freedom isn't possible, then happiness is (with classes, books, music, exercise, friendships, etc.) I think yoga and aikido should be taught.  And rape and fighting should not be tolerated, ever.

peace out,

Monday, June 23, 2014

redness and stuff

some recent linguistic musings

colanders are holy
vacuums suck
fans blow
jaws bite

who is willing to die to promote "pro-life?" (!)
'fuck you' doesn't seem that offensive when you think about it-
because it seems to refer to masturbation.

red words
sacred redemption, reduce hatred
incredibly redolent ingredients
predator credibility
Fred and Jared bred unpredictably
redo, tired

some bibles have words of christ in red...

dental hygiene

I went to the dentist today
(it's been over a year since my last visit)

I got a few tips I thought I'd share!:

1.use an electric toothbrush (she recommended I get it from Costco)
(because I'm a poor brusher, and I haven't flossed, either)
2. floss (in the c-shape, around each tooth)
3. use a rinse before going to sleep
4. carry a regular toothbrush with you, so that after every meal, and especially "sticky" foods (e.g. meat, cheese, pasta, bread), you clear out the bacteria.
5. and/or- swish out your mouth with water after every snack
6.replace toothbrushes every 6 months, at the least.
7.toothpicks are good, too.

I plan on doing a wikipedia research to learn what
gingivitis and periodontal disease (are / how they differ)
most of my teeth were "3-2-3", but some were worse (4s and 5s)

I bought a rinse on my trip home.
the electric toothbrushes at walgreens seem pricey, with one model for like $180...
the cheaper ones were 30 or 40, I think.

Thursday, June 19, 2014


22 things

alive! health, comfort, basic needs, friends, family, america, the bay area, good weather, libraries, wifi, my computer, food, restaurants, music, kaiser, dogs, nature, good will, peace, love, happiness/joy.

that about covers it (of course, there's more)

peace, love, & happiness
comfort & joy
faith, hope, and love
sex, drugs, and rock&roll
wine, women, and song
joy, bliss, happiness
fun, frolic, frivolity, and merriment
tv, radio, computer, phone
knowledge, wisdom, understanding
truth, enlightenment, omniscience
peace & prosperity
etc. etc.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

days alive

I found this cool calculator online


these are the results, for me:

today is my day 15,626!

Your 1,000th day was May 29, 1974!
Your 2,000th day was February 22, 1977!
Your 3,000th day was November 19, 1979!
Your 4,000th day was August 15, 1982!
Your 5,000th day was May 11, 1985!
Your 10,000th day was January 18, 1999!
Your 15,000th day was September 26, 2012!
Your 20,000th day will be June 5, 2026!
Your 25,000th day will be February 12, 2040!
Your 30,000th day will be October 21, 2053!
Your 35,000th day will be June 30, 2067!
...and after that we're getting pretty damned optimistic.

i was born on a Friday.
9-3 was the 246th day of the year, 1971

Friday, June 6, 2014

Good times

Feeling Good dance, romance, good food, conversation, exercise, endorphins, sleep when tired; awake rested, sunbathing, swimming, music, no symptoms, healthy, massage, laughing, making others laugh, fan (when hot), and a cool shower, reading a good book, making shots, goals (e.g. basketball, ultimate frisbee), getting money, gifts, learning stuff, also yoga, blog visitors! and blog comments!, reaching goals, objectives (weight, appearance, to do lists, etc) LINK TO HAPPY MOVIES

Thursday, June 5, 2014

etymology of heaven

from the word ACID?! From Latin acidus (sour), from acere (to be sour). Ultimately from the Indo-European root ak- (sharp), which is also the source of acrid, vinegar, acute, edge, hammer, heaven, eager, oxygen, and mediocre. heaven, from dictionary.com: Origin: before 900; Middle English heven, Old English heofon; cognate with Middle Low German heven; akin to Old Norse himinn, Gothic himins, German Himmel

Thursday, May 22, 2014


books and babies

I read 'Maus' today, a comic book about the holocaust.
I visited Sara and lil Augustus after Kaiser group (art week, this week).
I watched 3 episodes of 'it's always sunny in Philadelphia'.  hilarious.
only 60 or so episodes to go.  It's called a "cult" show on netflix, for some reason.
I went to the Y, early.  Only once, today.  and no NY times.
I'm working on 'the science book' (lol), a 400pp national geographic book with lots of pictures.
It reminds me of that song, "Don't know much about science book...french I took...etc."
(What a wonderful world this could be -Sam Cooke)
I've also got a book called Black Theology & Black Power, by James H. Cone.
I'm going to dinner this Saturday, at my parents' house.
Looking forward to seeing lil Ben again.
I bought a book from a used book store recently, here in Berkeley, called "Collected Poems of Robert Service" for 10 bucks.   My dad already has it, but I wanted a copy for myself.  It's good for campfires.  I remember Ed Lindquist reciting (from memory) poems from it at Camp Royaneh.


by the numbers
(from my national geographic 'the science book' I'm reading)

Human bodies consist of about 10 trillion cells.  (by continuous cell division from the original single ONE cell!) that's 10 to the 13th.

The gastrointestinal tract contains about 100 trillion cells of microorganisms
there are Another trillion bacterial organisms on your skin.
(but these all weigh only 3.5 oz due to the size difference)

It takes a village!

"take care"

what a weird expression, no?

I mean, what?!?  Give me your care! no? then, I'll take it!
the dark wizard interpretation: a spell to "take" (in the chess sense, i.e. off the board, aka murder) someone who cares.

'who cares?'
'I don't care'
are similarly spoken, non literally, usually.
everyone cares about someone or something.
or, at least,
I can't conceive of being the only one who cares,
in a supposed world of universal hate, apathy, or mere self-interest.

I even care about this expression!
it's like hello, with hell in it.
or paint, with pain on the cross (a T) prompting memory of Jesus.
or evil being live, just as god can be conceived as a (loving) dog!
or death being hated, rearranged
or love being a part of evolution (and it is, too!  ha, that's interesting)

taking care, it seems like we should be giving care,
or letting care remain with those who do.

then, again, maybe universal self-interest, without worrying about everyone (or even anyone) else, is a saner outlook, both for the individual and society at large.  worth thinking about, I guess.

this is how I "take care" of myself-
(in the sense of caring for myself, and being careful)
or being safe, and making myself good/better.

in the sense of reducing care for others (with musical echoes):
-live and let die
-yeah, whatever, nevermind
-do what you want

physical health, mental health, emotional health, spiritual health:
1)eat right
-less/no junk
-food pyramid, balanced nutrition, superfoods
-vegetarian (the China Study), or at least less meat
-drink (is it 8?) glasses of water a day
-enjoy restaurants, from time to time?

-be more active, less couch-potato, endorphins/natural "high"
-daily improvement, or -at least- daily maintenance,
health club membership?
break a sweat daily, a good rule of thumb to follow
lift, swim, bike, walk, run, hike, sport(s)

3)take meds
(well, you should probably purchase them, lol)
don't take -harmful- drugs (of course)
some can self-medicate, but most need a doctor to get it right.. 

shower, brush your teeth
(your teeth are a good indicator of general health, they say)

5)be happy! (don't worry, says Bobby McFerrin and Bob Marley)
smile (happiness will follow, magically)
make others happy (e.g. tell jokes, give massages, be helpful)
surround yourself with happy people;
avoid "pills" (as my mom calls them)
listen to music, comedy
i like magic, juggling, circuses
I also like to write: my blog, for example; a hobby
meditation (for focus, clarity)

6)be engaged, social, curious
good books, interesting people, new activities (volunteer? travel?)
daily news, and answer questions (on wikipedia, for example)
(also, i get answers from ask.com, and j-archive)

7)and, of course, the Ideal: Love.
life is good!  you should enjoy life, even if you haven't found someone yet.
sex, I think, is optional, to happiness, and the source of much Un-.

note: I think it is interesting that, to take care of yourself
you can 1)take meds, 2)avoid "pills", and 3)meditate

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Book Recommendations

a small selection of books I've read and liked

1)Tent of Miracles, by Jorge Amado
2)A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
3)The Master and Margarita, by Mikhail Bulgakov
4)Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett/Neil Gaiman
5)House of Spirits, by Isabel Allende
6)The Lost Steps, by Alejo Carpentier
7)Neuromancer, by William Gibson
8)The Corrections, by Jonathan Franzen
9)Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, The Prince and the Pauper, etc.
(anything by) -Mark Twain
12)Spite, Malice, and Revenge -Nelson Chunder and George Hayduke
13)The Vampire Chronicles, Anne Rice (6 books, I think)
14)Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,("a 4 part-trilogy")
-etc., anything by Douglas Adams
15)The Sand County Almanac, Aldo Leopold
16)100 Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marques

kids books my dad read to me:
17)The Fabulous Feats of Dr. Boox, by Andrew Davies
18)The Pushcart War, by Jean Merrill
19)The collected works of Robert Service
(great around campfires)
20)Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,
21)Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator,
22)James and the Giant Peach -Roald Dahl

other books I read when young:
23)The Call of the Wild -Jack London
24)The Prisoner of Zenda -Anthony Hope
25)Around the World in 80 Days -Jules Verne
26)The Invisible Man, Ralph Ellison
27)The Farside, cartoons by  Gary Larson

I also liked Crime and Punishment (Dostoevsky),
Lord of the Rings (JRR Tolkien trilogy),
The Chronicles of Corum, (Michael Moorcock series)
The Stranger, Albert Camus
Escape from New York, Ben Bova
Catch Me if You Can, Frank Abagnale jr.
The Millennium series, by Stieg Larsson (3 books)
The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror
(annual, 22 volumes/years -have only read a few)

short stories:
A Mother's Tale, by James Agee (about a cow)
Leiningen versus the Ants, by Carl Stephenson
Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck
Flowers for Algernon, by Daniel Keyes (very sad)
and, The Most Dangerous Game, by Richard Connell

I'm an Uncle!

Uncle Jess!

there's uncle sam, uncle tom, and, as of around 6 this morning, uncle jesse :)

picture to be added soon!
newest addition to the Teshara family, and my nephew,
son of my brother Greg and his wife Elizabeth (Liz).
8lb, 20oz, 20in, 5:56a,
(mathew w/ one t)

Everyone's healthy,
and Congratulations!

UNCLE also stands for United Network Command for Law Enforcement!
(in the 60's tv shows, before my time)
Jesse Duke, and Jesse Katsopolis
from Dukes of Hazzard, and Full House, respectively.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Random Data


'CEO' (confessions of an english opium eater), by Tom De Quincey
finished Emma, by Jane Austen
finished Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy
also, finished George Carlin's 'Napalm and Silly-putty'
also, am perusing The Onion Book of Known Knowledge

-the universe (ours, anyway) is 13.77 billion years old
(13.798 +/- 0.037B years, to be precise)
-the sun is 4.6B years old
-the earth is 4.54B +/- 0.05B
-mars, minimum distance from earth, is 34.6M miles away
-the OU (observable universe) is 46B light years in radius
(93B light years in diameter)
-200B galaxies, 300 sextillion stars (3x10 to the 23rd)
(each galaxy with between 10M to 1T stars)

- the population of the USA is 317M
-the population of Earth is 7.1B

penal system
-the jail/prison population (of the US) is 2.3M
 (behind bars/incarcerated, in federal or state prisons, or county jails)
-743/100,000 (highest rate in the world)
-7.2M are incarcerated, paroled, or on probation
-46% black (12% of which is black muslim), 36% white, 16% hispanic, 1% american indian
-12% of america's population is black

0.5% of earth's weight is water
70% of earth's surface is covered in water
97% salt, 2% glacier ice, 1% fresh
the human body is 60-70% water (55-65% of weight)
(up to 78% of infants)

u.s. 31% obese (1/3), 63% overweight (2/3)
earth, roughly 500M obese adults
(10%M, 14%F)
1.6B either overweight or obese, globally
overweight is bmi of 25-29.9
obese is bmi 30 or over
59% of non-hispanic black women are obese
33% of non-hispanic white women are obese
79.8% of american black women are overweight

Sunday, May 4, 2014

U.S. debt

my recommendation? only buy what you can afford.

from wikipedia:
On December 12, 2013, debt held by the public was approximately $12.312 trillion or about 73% of Q3 2013 GDP[5][6] Intragovernmental holdings stood at $4.9 trillion (29%), giving a combined total public debt of $17.226 trillion or over 100% GDP.[7] As of January 2013, $5 trillion or approximately 47% of the debt held by the public was owned by foreign investors, the largest of which were the People's Republic of China and Japan at just over $1.1 trillion each.[8]

I just listened to the white house correspondent's dinner, and decided to fact check the comedian.

OVER 100% is too much, in my opinion.

Personally, I have no debt, and think the US should have Savings, not Debt.
Can we get to Zero debt?  Shouldn't we?

Wednesday, April 30, 2014


an ongoing theme

bear claw, cinnamon bears, gummy bears
chicago bears, cal bears
the russian bear

the bay area (bearya?) -the east bay, from space, looks like a giant bear head (to me)
oso, name of someone i've met, meaning bear in spanish
bear, a term for a husky gay guy

Bears, the Disney nature documentary movie I saw today at amc emeryville.
(I liked it, and it made me want to eat salmon)

it's a homonym with bare, too.
bear with me.  simple, bare necessities.  bear hug!

types of bears:
polar, brown, black, grizzly, panda, koala, teddy

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

My matrix, revisited

what I do

at home:
meditate/do nothing
     email, blog, news, music, onion, J!, wikipedia, ted, youtube
     news (berkeleyside, cnn, csmonitor, wapo, huffington)
     music (library cd's, hos, pandora/grooveshark, itunes,
            wybcx-yale, dcr-dartmouth)
            -college radio(kalx-ucb, whrb-harvard, wmbr-mit,
              kzsu-stanford, wprb-princeton, kcpr-calpolyslo,
              kdvs-ucd, wqhs-penn, bsr-brown, kzsc-ucsc, ksdt-ucsd,
              ucla, wxin)
             -religious (e.g. mormon, quran, etc.)
             -random itune channels (e.g. halloween, baroque, etc.)
             -talk (philosophy talk, joe frank, roy masters)
am/fm radio
book (one/day, ideally),
     De Quincey's 'The Confessions of an English Opium-Eater'
     just finished Leo Tolstoy's 'Anna Karenina',
     and Jane Austen's 'Emma,' and an Onion compendium
brush teeth
exercise (pushups, crunches, isometric,
               dumbbell-extension, row, curl, press)
phone (call/text)

ymca (swim, lift, row, stationary bike-through france, or watch tv)
library (daily nytimes) (music, movies, books, magazines)
      -I like to peruse atlas, history, new words,
        true crime, fantasy/horror
     -if I can learn to speedread...i would also absorb weekly Economist
      -People and Mad magazine,
      -Foreign Affairs (every other month)
movie (i think i might see the disney bear documentary)
shop (groceries- TJ's) (i have a Target gift card)
       (yogurtland, papajohns, togos, bongo, deli, etc.)
plant trees (volunteer thing in oakland)
dogwalk (marcel, fido/taco)
meditate (bkly shambala center, or diamond way)
kaiser group, in oakland


Monday, April 28, 2014


My name is Jesse

I knew 'esse' was a latin word, but I thought it meant 'being'
instead (I was looking up salve intemerata virgo on a latin dictionary), it means:

  1. destroy
  2. eat away (fire/water/disease)
  3. eat/consume/devour
  4. spend money on food
So, my name, which means "the whole office of the eucharist"  and "god makes forget"
maybe sheds light on the "mystery" of the body/blood of christ:

J-esse: destroying or eating away at J

J is the 10th letter
satan= 11215=10 (and it sounds like 'say ten')

eating Jesus is eating Satan?

Saturday, April 12, 2014


a poem from a book from my childhood

"Why are you always smiling?"
"Because I'm happy!"
"What makes you happy?"
"Making other people happy."
"How do you make other people happy?"
"By smiling."

Linguistic clue to health

The difference between Ill and Well

It's the difference between
I and WE

This struck me as interesting, and worth mentioning!
So now, I'm interested if there is method behind the madness, and what the etymologies are.

And, are loners sicker than the perpetually-social/communal?

Pope Francis prefers to be social.
Jesus was some sort of divine linguist, I guess
(with the speaking in tongues, etc)
(but did he know english?)

El is a word for lord, I think.
So, L L is like two gods?

Jesus on the cross is evocative of both Victory and Defeat...
and the freak said something about not letting the left hand know what the right is up to.
which is totally bizarre, no?
left is sinister, and right is righteous...(but actually, both are neutral!)

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Sobering Stats

from truth-out.org

U.S. Wealth is up $34 Trillion since the recession (93% of Americans got almost none of it):
(that's an average of 100k for every American) Those who own most of the stocks gained an average of well over a million dollars each (tax-free until they cash in).

The 4 Waltons, the 2 Kochs, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffett made more money than 3.6M (million) minimum wage workers.  And apparently, no full-time minimum wage worker in the US can afford a 1 or 2 bedroom rental at a fair market rate.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014


some suicide stats

10th leading cause of death in the world.
0.5 to 1.4% of all deaths are suicide
(there are 150k+ deaths/day; 2/3 are from old-age)
around 3k/day, in the world.  that's 1m+/ year.  10-20m/year attempt.
90/day, in america.  22/day are u.s. military veterans.
1,500 americans attempt suicide daily
100/day, in japan
5% of humanity attempts during lifetime.
5% of schizophrenics commit suicide.

i foreshadowed the article about suicide in the nytimes by 12 days..
3 stats from the 4/14/14 article:
in the US:
1 million failed suicide attempts per year
38,000 (successful seems like the wrong word) suicides per year
7% of those who fail, later succeed.

that means:
wikipedia was wrong:
the 90/day in america is wrong.  actually 38k/365=about 104/day
1500 daily attempts in america is wrong.  actually 1m/365=about 2,740/day

apparently, the numbers in america are going the wrong way.
unless you hate America/Americans.