Unique Visitors


I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Camp Royaneh


Dave Firebaugh, Wayland, Greg St. John, Rich Whitney
CR: hiking skill award, canoe base, pool, asst. commissioner, c.o.p.e., rifle range. Trail rides.
Splash in, campfires (campsite, amphitheater), swim meet, mile swim, tote n chip, ultimate, basketball, "rodeo", greased pigs, wilderness survival chicken beheadings, finding railroad spikes, cairns, nature trail, mountain man, white wolf, astronomy hill, capture the flag, syncaris pacifica (unique california freshwater shrimp, endangered, only on east austin creek), murphy's gulch, eagle eye, chief!, peppering, bobo, beam me a board, light snack, razor blades in mouth, invisible rocks, mystery tug a war, skinks, round of applause, give 'm the gate, robert service, uncle zeke, little zeke, king cairn, bugle calls, bufongo brothers, and now -may the great master- of all scouts- be with us- until we meet again, goodbye campers, all present and/or accounted for, sir!, chasing down the runaway, firing the cannon, camp bell full of water, fire drill, pumps and pulaskis and shovels, trading post, m and m game, craft strip, carving neckerchief slides, mb pamphlets, it's its, creamsicles, walk!!, announcements, "dis-missed!", climbing redwoods, 3 cheers, 3 chairs, pioneer village, hammocks, footlockers, points, laps, parade field, larry teshara-art sawada friendship grove, bob's bend, tree falling on dining hall, meals at quonset hut, staff village, movies, horse cemetary, chief's room, snail mail, chocodiles, i'm a little teapot, one fat hen a couple of ducks, row row row your boat, my name's quickdraw -if you's can beat me you's pretty good, "I'm JC Penny!", submarine, grand ol duke of york, my bonnie lies over the ocean, a bump on a log on the bottom of the sea, competition night, gun boats, pearl harbor, roman plunge, zip lines, staff around fire after campfire, astronomy merit badge, blue cards, staff x-mas, pajama day, hat day, push the log away, staff awards/dinner, cub camp, group photo, two!...

list of merit badges i earned/ offered..
making prizes, awards, x-mas (in July) gifts; skits, songs, cheers, claps (e.g. the "watermelon clap"), rangers in trucks/atv's setting up/taking down canvas tents, (un)loading from quonset hut; R-O-Y-aneh, dear Royaneh; gita-rickshaw gita rockshaw..., reveille/taps; there's a monkey in the tree, throwing coconuts at me, make him stop (x4); "waiters", back-lighting of redwoods at end of ampitheatre campfires; hiking plan: drd pat (like dirt path): destination route dates and times permission granted activities along the way, transportation; knots: bowline, two half hitches, square knot, overhand knot, granny knot, clove hitch, timber hitch, sheet bend, fisherman's knot, wrapping and frapping, splicing; rifle target scoring, groupings; archery finger guards and wrist guards; orienteering, true north/magnetic north (somewhere in Canada); passing knives, sharpening axes and knives, paul bunyon, totin' chip, fireman chit, tinder/kindling/fuel; fire safety, campfire radius, woodcarving slides/relief, stump city, basketry chair, c.o.p.e. trust, teamwork, fear of heights; buoys, floats, tossing life preservers, teaching how to swim: kicking, face in water, blowing bubbles, floating: dead man's, backfloat; rubber brick, pants-inflation, running entry for rescue (head above water); sidestroke, elementary backstroke, american crawl, breaststroke; butterfly and dolphin kick; scissor kick and frog kick; holding breath (time, distance); handstands, yelling underwater; cope rope, pfd vests, oarlocks; second-story window, my ding-a-ling, left-handed smoke shifter, teepee joke, Jeff "Drowning" Downing, porcupine quill arts (Rick and Bruce), unicycle, buzzards, cicadas, "sounding hot", cutting down trees for lumber, cairn trail (well worn by end of camp season), green/black/gold cairn boot awards, cairn neckerchief slide, Cazadero gets the most rainfall in California, imagined height of east austin creek, 333 vs. 14 ultimate frisbee rivalry, Jason Pett leaps in goal for frisbee in corral, substitutions;  pointing out constellations for astronomy with a flashlight; OA ceremony, flaming arrows, fire in tree, olawat sakema standing up in middle of canoe, rear rudder, opposite shore,  drumming plastic garbage cans, roman plunge, Nature glen, creek running thru it, 2 trails down to canoe base, no fishing, bulldozer for dams, unique freshwater shrimp (endangered?), drinking sake, dilapidated bridge, railroad remnants, canoe base island, dock, ropes, splash-in; have fun in the sun!  googling the meaning of "royaneh", which tribe?, iroquois for "happy camp", meeting place of tribes, softball between 351 and 14; rodeo, competition night; musical tires, barrel run, quick change dresser, walking with cup on head, egg toss; basketball, NRA sharpshooter, making your own arrow, compound vs. recurve bows, fletchings, hunting tip on award; skulling rowboats, naming boats after GD songs, Super Bob, melted gummy bears, flashing traffic light, Tim's stereo (in tent), big knife, mockingbird, molly the mop, weather prediction, Rom; cairn map sheets, doing homework in chief's room, climbing redwoods, cleaning dining hall windows after "peppering".  turtles, skinks, alligator lizards, king snake, gopher snake, western diamondback rattler, scorpions, mosquitoes, brown recluse spider, raccoons, bees, yellow jackets, horses, time a trail ride disturbed a wasp nest, bloop bloop! Yar!  silver beaver.  fell off bunk bed;  chocodiles, it's it, creamsicle, peanut m and m game, trading post, firestarter kit, mb pamphlets, craft strip, woodcarving materials; Tom Teshara, life scout, went to CR; pushed into pool, prank on dad of being injured, Skinks (the band), playing frisbee tambourine, beach boys, endless summer, vanagon, vomiting, selling uniforms out back of van, Dean Kanelopolous shades/shack, damming creek (pond), frogs and toads at night, bucket o' tree frogs, shark fin on snorkeler!, greased watermelon, fish that nibble on your toes, shooting at targets printed with Saddam's face, bb guns for cubs, .22 rifles, prone position, rifle competition, bullet in campfire, "rodeo" , greased pig, announcer dad in hawaiian shirts, olympian at rifle range, parachute-packer at cope, picking up brass casings, Bill Heinze making shotgun shells, chief's room, mail and old photos, phone, jerry brown story, water-striders, coin under trading post deck, black widow spiders, accidental killing of alligator lizards (in sun), searching for scorpions under rocks, capturing a gopher snake, critter of the day, western fence lizards, (stinky) garter snakes, Skink practice, bridge to staff village, hacky-sack circles, baseball game, whistle: buddies!!, buddy board, buddy tags, 1 to 10; using reach poles as sprayers, rubber caps, rubber brick, putting up lanes for swim testing, nonswimmer/beginner/swimmer, diving board, big splash, mile swim, polar bear, source of creek?, little and big egypt, outhouses, cobwebs; 351 reunion bus; cub buses; yellow ac/dc-playing vw bug, cremation of sam mcgee as memorized by Ed Lindquist, uncle zeke, zeke's g/f;  indians in camp! white wolf! earth flag, folding the american flag, pledge of allegiance, "good morning" (hug self, then open arms wide), running laps, inter-patrol point contest,  staff tired by end of sessions, everything up or down, camp on a hill; astronomy hill, capture the flag, gold brick award, up early for "mystery cairn", horse pucky, peach cobbler, bug juice, pumpkin pie, crab feed, gun boats, cereal variety, salad, apples, coffee, pancakes, popping cups, phasing out styrofoam, trays, pancakes, pink eggs, injured sleepwalker, shirts/hats/jackets at trading post, Jack Laws takes a sledgehammer to (now and laters?), family camp, borrowed GD tapes, slippery sash, OA eating raw eggs, brotherhood, royaneh lodge patch gift from dad,  cub scout earning mammals mb, getting stepped on by Greg St. John, Dan playing guitar, clean table, flip benches onto table, family style restaurant dinner, "can i have some - sugar" ;-), hotel california, shine flashlight up down right left at me before campfire, harvesting water from tarp over pit, new cairn on buffrey flat, old cairn removed (hangman's tree), wild turkeys, peacock, boars, yellow-bellied racer, Kodiak (dog), honor box, water fountain, coke machines, critter of the day, archery moving target, scoutcraft tower, shotgun range, clay pigeons, calculating maximum trajectory (for safety), shooting water balloons with surgical tubing, shooting handgun at archery range, deer trails, creeping on deer, ping-pong spitting act (Greg Adams and his bro), blackberries picking/pie, strange pile of sticks (den?) next to archery range, throwing fruit, visiting other troop's campsites/campfires, chapel at Pioneers, old church by canoe base, going to Cazadero for outdoor catholic mass, meal at campsite, peach cobbler (dutch oven), tied up in hammock, graffiti in cabin, big iron 1 and 4 below cabin 1.  horseshoe competition, Baden -powell country, mr. charlie erle fell, Steve got smudgepot wax on face, ye olde clarion, bidaily thunderbird,  dark room for photography mb, yellow bandanna, ferd, frivolity and merriment, slide show, Philmont patches, knots, campaign hats, red vests; LDS troops, inner-city troops, japanese visitors, (retarded?) troops.  quasi-military vs. no uniforms.  douglas firs, redwoods, white and black oaks, redwood sorrel, jerusalem cricket, sword fern, brachen fern, horsetail, cool redwoods wear sunglasses, 3 parking lots, uniforms: shorts, shirt, sash, patches, epaulets, socks, pins, neckerchiefs, honor scout (white);  Mr. Royaneh, (or Ms.), suntan mb, zinc oxide, pushing ping pong balls, swim meet, biggest splash, medical sheets, testing the water, pee turns red in pool!, pool house, scoutcraft tool shed, graffiti.  tents above pool.  bouncing off diving board.  visit with Sara.  choosing between 14, 333, and 343.   Staffer walking back from Guerneville all night?  (Gallagher's?) truck went into e.a. creek?  racing to mexico and back? Outdoor mass in guerneville, too.  grazing at safeway.  assayer (say, look at that ass).  no flashlight up from canoe base, elim grove, yelling at fire station, bats in chimney, redwood boreing beetle, number of campsites, number of cairns, burning bay leaves, new house for ranger, drinking, smoking, stacking milk crates, sliding down hill on cardboard, tomahawk throwing, obsidian chipping, bead necklace, black powder, cable car bell, food fight, git a rickshaw, 17!17! t, r, double o, p.  351.  we've got spirit yes we do, rattlesnake demonstration, good-morning!!, chastised/rebuked for saying "hell" (how the hell are you, was it?) robin praeger runs the cairns, losing hat on trail ride, fire siren and bell, mb sign-ups, sickness, rain, naked guy, bellboard messages, going off property (near rifle range, past falls, past astronomy hill), siesta after lunch...

turning styrofoam cups inside out, 'Cazadero' means 'hunting ground' (cazar is to hunt, cazador is a hunter), gun boats: eat it or wear it, other camps: Oljato, Wente.  Mather, Mountain Home Ranch.  Also, leadership camp.  343 staff meal; inviting staff to sit at your table; Glen O' Heavens; unpleasant first experience with pot;  "goodly tall trees,"  fig trees, bay laurel, black/white oak, sequioa sempervirens (redwood), douglas firs, poison oak, leaves of 3 let it be, borrowing Jack Kilmartin's camera, dad's joke archive/ getting sports news in morning;  audrey kell's "tote", Father Murphy, s.j.'s visit, egret or heron; behind dining hall: dumpster, laundry, bridge, loading dock; Splash-off, in and out of rowboats, suspended-canoe entrance, racks for paddles/oars/boats, 2 man canoe race, staff lounge, Cazanoma lodge, award night, troop 14 rah! (sewage!), who's on first, staff swim, rifle tickets, flags in dining hall, rattlesnake cage in nature glen, feeding with a mouse, don't tap the glass, feeding a fly to a spider, free swim, free boating, free shoot, shower before swim, learning to dive, dunking, noodle sword fight, snorkle/fins/goggles, opening/closing campfires, competition night, awards night, troop campfire night, hamburgers at amphitheater, Dave: chief chief chief!  Chris Dunakin, Brian Heinze.  Have I kept my honor bright? can i guiltless sleep tonight?  have i done and have i dared, everything to be prepared.  swear word compilation for Itsuo Tanaka.  cub camp tie dye.  belly-flop contest.  Jester Jones.  red vines rope.  sign out to leave camp.  Joe Ehrman's write up.  rosebuds and rose thorns.  Stan Altshuler's porn, fitness merit badge, Doug Kapovitch's hat.  dad's photo albums.  corn bread.  sausages and pancakes.  bacon and eggs.  leftover pumpkin pie.  plastic garbage can filled with punch.  fastest mile swim times.  list of cairns/campsites/merit badges and programs. shooting clay pigeons.  mystery cairn.  parachute over handicraft area.  soup-can tennis ball launcher! neckerchief slide collection, trip to sawmill, thistle, pass the lactic fluid of a female bovine, or the dihydrogen monoxide, or the "bug juice".  cook's cabin, oafm aafm, making my own bow and arrow, hunting/eating crawfish (crawdads), poor old blue!, i've got sixpence jolly jolly sixpence!, king of the cannibal islands!, when the dreary hours of winter pass away!, suffocation gentle suffocation...take a hose put it up your nose turn it on then you're gone, softly falls the night of day -as our campfire fades away, from the hills of tamalpais (?)...
and so on y so forth! ...

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Reminiscing, Remembering

a few memories

I was born (Vancouver, i'm told) a bastard (out of wedlock) and given (forced?) for adoption.
Adopted, age 4, to Peggy and Larry Teshara (social worker, school administrator, resp.)
Mr. and Mrs. Fiji (foster parents), picked up in Ozzy (black 1930 Model A Ford with rumble seat)
Lived in SF, first 380 Monticello (near SF State), then 801 Darien (near St. Francis wood)
blowdart nail tube, polished rocks, goldfish pond, MG (typed up story)
baby brother (Gregory Lawrence) at age 8. born 12-3-79. “conception day” (9 months before)
Big Brother. Uncle Jesse. Jesse's girl. Uncle Tom. Mr. T.
Hennessy. Aunty Christ. Rose is a rose. Sister Christian. Rose's lime juice.
801 is where my dad (he, and my grandpa also, “Mr. T”) grew up (b/w Monterey and Ocean)
corner of manor and darien: “lord” of manor. “gulf of darien (g.o.d.)” (m.a.d.?)
Went to St. Stephen's grammar school, walked/biked to/from (near Stonestown)
recycled aluminum at Reynolds, distributed flyers, onion sacks, can-crusher in alley.
Fence windmills made nearby, lumberjack purchased, placed on fence.
Cub Pack 351 (founded? By grandpa T) (met at Commodore Sloat school) (still there?)
paper clip chains, halloween costume contest (robot), balsa car/rocket derby, scout-o-rama tickets
Troop 14 (CR rival to troop 351, founded by Dad)
night hike, snow/ski trip, trek, SRH, canoe trip, patrol outings (e.g. exploratorium), CR
1985 National Jamboree, patch collection
Made cars, boat (models); Steve Toloski's garage; nerf football; hide n seek; Aptos baseball;
Painted, built blue bmx bicycle (bicycle builder's bible), after yellow schwinn w/ banana seat
stickers, valve caps, purchased blue Oakley grips, rode track at lake merced golf course, big cranks
bicycle won from S-O-R tickets left in front of garage, stolen; sleeping bag, backpack, walkie talkies
bought unicycle at san jose flea market, brought to UCD, CR; sword missing, too.
Mike Nathan's band (drummer) (barracuda), SS class of '85. Irish Cultural Center reunion. Dance.
Led Zeppelin records from Heath White; record collection: given to Harv (Doug Biggert), Sacto:
Phil Collins, Miami Vice, Y&T (red snake art record), Scorpions, Def Leppard,
The Who, Kinks, Bob Segar, Rush, Genesis, Jethro Tull
painted (red, black) soap-box car, with rope steering; down Darien, birthday party toys, e.g. water rockets, homies, parachutists, corgi/matchbox/hotwheels, corvettes; lambo poster; framed boat pics in blue bedroom; dragon bat-shooter; choose your own adventure books; book with hero named 'jesse'.
private investigators, with Miwa Matsuno; misha and mai; basketball in garage, literotica (Anais)
king of the hill, dodgeball, foursquare, benefit run, halloween parade, fighting Crotty, Wong.
(bike) Jumping the dip at Aptos, St. Stephen's; wheelies with Mike Ruane, garage door secret,
Matt Fambrini and Brandon Sargent and Roland Dubai and ginger ale lady and Michael (motorcycle)
Andrini? Steve Toloski's friend (Steve?) Monica Madden. Christine Fuentes. Wyatt. Dirk. Edwards'.
Walgreens, black three on the tree Mercury comet, scratch, church/bar across street, vader-c interface.
Steve Hackney, Dunek, Heuser, Mazzola, Malakis, Pacelli, Pittenger

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Me Stuff

Identity, Attainments, and Current Reading list

Who Am I?

there's a lot of ways to answer this question:
my body, my mind, my name, roles I play, what I do
nature/nurture, my dna, experiences, dreams, relationships
virgo, boar, INTJ, single heterosexual
empty, no-self, impermanent
what I eat (plus meds, vitamins), less what I excrete
consciousness, subconscious, operative spells, beliefs
what I read, what i think/feel
a human being, a god, a man, an adult, an ex, a friend
roles: a blogger, a writer, a thinker, a reader, a philosopher
   a dogwalker, a schizo, an audiophile, nature-lover
  an uncle, a son, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, a roommate
  an American, a Berkeley resident, a democrat, pro-life
  poor, but not in debt; comfortable/content
  disabled, crazy, kaiser group member, pursuing health/sanity
  curious, intelligent, news/trivia nut, ymca member

Books I'm Reading (of late)
   none are from my list(s) (!)

Best Buddhist Writing 2004
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, by Shunryu Suzuki
The Compass of Zen, by ("zen master") Seung Sahn
Don't Feed the Monkey Mind, by Jennifer Shannon, lmft
Authentic Happiness, by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D.
Shrinks, by Jeffrey A. Lieberman MD
The Jesuit Guide to (almost) Everything, by James Martin sj
Geography of Madness, by Frank Bures
Death, by Casey Jarman
Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen Oyeyemi
Dave Barry Slept Here (a sort of history of the united states)
The Circle, by Dave Eggers
Straight Man, by Richard Russo
Yoga's Healing Power, by Ally Hamilton
The World's Religions, by Huston Smith
    I just bought one for 8.99, worth $80 new, from the goodwill
   (Oxford, 17th edition)


4.0 high school/college preparatory
Integrated Studies (ucd freshman honors program)
IR (int'l relations) degree, Spanish minor from UCDavis
BSA Eagle Scout
Cal alumni scholarship
Boston College Book Award
SI journalism award
NRA sharpshooter
Uncle Jesse
top salesman 1980-81-82

Wednesday, May 31, 2017


(about spells)

spells about spells:
1. music (compacted emotion); each song is a spell
2. reality ("spells within spells")
3. a period of time ("for a spell")
4. spelling (orthography), because words cast spells
5. Gospel! the etymology is "God's spell."  did you know that?
6. letters (do they "let", like a vampire?)
     (i.e. 26 suckers/vampires, one for each letter of the alphabet)
     (true and original reality is, in fact, wordless)
7. whatever you get lost in!
      (e.g. books, magazines, tv shows, youtube/ted videos, movies)
8. the hypnosis of everyday life

you should be aware of which spells you're under, are operative
and which ones are competing for your soul!
(e.g. religious beliefs, memes, morality propositions/laws)

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Weird Names

in groups

French, Holland, Israel, India, Peggy T (egypt?)
Pon, Bishop, Castle, King
Koran, Shiva, Jesus
Duv, Kat
Fire, Sun, Starr, Starfire, Solinsky
Buffy, Tick, Red, Vicky
Brandy, Hennessy
tu, Four, (jean)nine
Mr. T, uncle Tom, aunty Christ, uncle Jesse
BGLAD, LGBT (Ben Greg Liz and Declan Teshara)

dag ridded evil, satan cross (David and Stan A)
(anagrams for names of california deputy attorneys general)
(i know a Devan Cross, too)


what you should know

1)how many are you taking (e.g. I'm taking 2)
2)what are they called? (e.g. zyprexa, risperdal)
     (also called olanzapine and risperidone)
     (why do drugs have 2 names?)
3)what are they for? (what do they treat?)
     (e.g. zyprexa is an antipsychotic)
     (risperidone is for anxiety, I believe)
4)dosage (e.g. 30 mg zyprexa; 2x15mg tablets)
                       (1mg risperidone; 1/2 tablet)
5)frequency (e.g. nightly)

those are the main things

but also,
  (e.g. alcohol "de-potentiates" my medications;
                       i.e. reduces the effectiveness of)
   (i'm told not to drink/take grapefruit juice, either)

and finally,
the last consideration,
people and circumstances change,
so you shouldn't be wedded to a (set of) prescription(s):
   (adjustments are sometimes necessary/better/helpful)

some people can self-medicate
but doctors are supposed to know their shit

Saturday, May 20, 2017


Jesus Christ!

Hey Zeus, Jesu it (Jess, you? it),
jesse teshara: see sj, as earth: am earth? mirth!
(Chuy=chewy, like eucharist (eu a christ),
Isai, I Isa (annointed with oil/chrism) (anybody can be christ)
    just like anybody can be a buddha?
    geezus (also 2, like gawd is also 8)
Jesse, Je suis, JC.  I am.  who? am.   JZ.  jazzy.  juicy, lol

Christmas on 25th (Jesus =2, Christ =5)
(numerology, sum the sums, summertime!)
BE! (2, 5)
jesse means "god makes forget"
"the whole office of the eucharist"
(t.w.o. of it)
numbers: numb, brr (cold: see old)(the holy see?)
    fat her (f at her, pregnant), sun, and hole spear it...

paint (evokes crucifixion, pain T, t is a cross)
pain is Pa in (get out dad, G.o.d.?)
manicure, i cure man
  (paint your fingernails, fin (the end) gr (anger) nails (!)
the crux of the issue (issue, god coming, get nailed, passion)
you would be cross, too, if you were nailed to a tree
"crossing over", cross the street (st =saint)
couch, like paint: c-ouch (either christ ouch, or (c)3 nails)
rabbit, rabbi T.   are abbot.  rabbi abbot.  the rabbit hole.
how deep? honda! (spanish for deep) (han, duh.  chinese, of course)
sit! (speaking in tongues)
tissue (t-issue), trip (t-rip; cross rest in peace)

afterlife (=dead)
vampire, ima perv. blood=be lewd.  drink= dr ink
mr, dr, vr =49 (jesse teshara= 1,5,11,5 (jesse=4). 2,5,1,8,1,9,1 (teshara=9)
the count (peerage, baseball, math, counter)

hurt (her T)
window pane (wind ow pain) (god moved over face of deep)
allow (all ow); god allows all to ow
pillow (pill ow) (e.g. inauthenticity?)
bow wow; how now brown cow; cat's meow
suffer (sough fur)
   sough=sound made by wind in trees (e.g. fir tree)

U be trippin'
sanity has saint in it
trip= T (cross) + RIP (rest in peace)
church= ch (clear head) you are (clean heart)
heaven=ave hen (like ave maria)
   (dirt bath, really enjoying getting down to, embracing the, earth)
hell= propane fire (for pain?)

Saturday, May 13, 2017

some theology

 On God, by God

The concept of God is useful, even if the reality of God is imaginary. A being that has lived always, exists everywhere, can do anything, knows everything/everyone, created the universe, and is perfectly good may seem a bit improbable (!). The concept exists, and thus God is a virtual reality, like vampires or unicorns or hobbits or vogons or elves or gnomes or pixies or fairies or anything else you might encounter in a book, movie, dream, campfire skit, play, song, or tv show. Some people, I imagine, actually believe in these things. A vampire (read: psychotic criminal) on drugs might dream of machine-elves... Humans are creative, and life would be boring without fiction. But does God exist, really and truly? God's name is I AM, so that doesn't help. If we become our names, then maybe so too does God become existent, in a weird way. We must ask what's in a name. If God's name was I Ain't, would He still exist? A rose is a rose by any other name! One can't help but perform some mental gymnastics to make God real, to reify the concept. If we define God as the source of all goodness, then we are impelled to believe, or else live in a world without goodness. A world without love is indeed a world lacking a source of happiness, and the bible says God is love (cite). What it is: what is is. If God is love, is love God? Is is an equals, or an arrow flowing in only one direction? You grok? And then, the question follows, can one be in true love with an atheist? Of course! The God of philosophers and theologians sometimes masquerades as the emotional state of love-bliss, just as heaven is experienced as mere happiness, and a soul is in fact a body. And finally, to quote Adi Da Samraj, “Reality is all the God there ever is.” Virtual reality is a part of reality, just like fiction is a real genre at your local library, and dreams can seem more real than the mundane experience of life. Is life but a dream (merrily), and if so, who is doing the dreaming? God is a word, a term, a concept, a part of hypnotic happiness psychology, as well as a way to endow your opinions with greater authority, a way to inculcate values in youth (and society in general), and a part of creating (an adaptive) community with shared (professed) beliefs. Furthermore, God only exists if we make him real; we, ourselves, our bodies, are our only reality, so to make God we have to become Him. It's a role, a part, an identity, a path to the possibility of perfection. For me, that's why God both exists and doesn't, simultaneously. So don't ask me if I believe in God! I don't, but I do: I believe in myself. And I believe existence is good. Also, the bible states God is One. Money is an anagram for 'my one.' God wants us to be happy, and “whoever says money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop!”

path to perfection is longer for some:
And sure as hell, there is virtue in suffering, as well, for unrepentant (self-identified) demons whose karma requires a long hard road out of hell, as punishment and disincentive to committing further evil. Of course, the punishment should fit the crime, and be proportional to the degree of the misdeed's depravity.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Retirement Activity Ideas

for you, Dad
(with 10 links)

lawn bowling (stern grove), ride buses, trivia cards, tv, books (library book club?), fishing, music, movies, other religion services, travel, restaurants, volunteer (riordan?), flea market, thrift stores, some kind of hobby, get crafty, be a student yerself (adult school?), festivals/fairs/parades, museums, magic shows, do magic yourself, card games, comedy, baseball games, circus, zoo, blog!, cook, exercise.

music: library cd's, itunes radio, actual am/fm radio, pandora, tv?, youtube.  also, podcasts, joe frank (website), talk shows (e.g. philosophy talk, npr (npr.org),  (i use cordless headphones, which can also be used for tv, or roommate respect)

read: (library/book store), (big print), short stories? book club (library, church), kids books! (newbery winners?), favorite authors, librarian recommended, favorite topic(s)/genre, magazines, newspaper(s), joke books!, humor websites (onion, comedy central joke archive, reader's digest joke website)

video: movie theater, netflix (on tv), youtube videos, ted talks (ted.com)
(e.g. laurel and hardy, marx brothers, monty python, etc.)

play: big bubbles, fly a kite, model train museum, playground/beach, gg park, pedal boat

comedy: pandora comedy channel, go to standup club, live?  

wikipedia has a list of bay area museums, link
(there are 52 in SF alone)

weird stuff: taiko drums, wrestling, monster trucks, demolition derby, sumo wrestling, video store, pier 39, cribbage, solitaire, videogames, online classes (e.g. -free!- open yale courseware), sports: dogfish (bay area pro ultimate frisbee team), san jose sharks.

walk, exercise bicycle, meditation instruction, Dan's plays, horseshoes, tai chi, pool exercise class, origami, birdwatch, join (or start up) a meetup group (meetup.com), stretch/ yoga, e-bay.

Go Slow! (motto of Caye Caulker, Belize)
do nothing :-)
park bench, people watch, relaxed conversation 

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Marcel the Monkey

Once upon a time, there was a monkey named Marcel. Marcel the monkey enjoyed bananas, swinging from tree branches in the forest, and whooping and hollering as loud as he could. He hated all the other monkeys, you see, and wanted to be a gorilla instead. But he was a monkey, and no amount of screaming would transform him into anything else. So he hated himself. A mere monkey!

Then a monk came along, and told him to key to being a monk was thinking of yourself as a monkey. And this was the weirdest thing Marcel had ever heard! A human monk thought of himself as a lower life form? an animal? A chimp? A monkey, no less? Why would he stop there? Maybe he should be an ant! A fly! Or a protozoan! So Marcel threw a banana at him. But the monk was happy, and was not bothered. He cultivated equanimity during meditation just for times like these. He enjoyed being a monkey. And monkeys are known to throw worse things than bananas!

Then Hanuman, the Hindu monkey God, heard about all this, in his heavenly realm, and decided to have some fun with these two. Real monkeys like to play! And as a God, he toyed with people, you see. So he hatched a plan to make Marcel appear glorious and godly to the monk, so he would be worshipped and praised and elevated to the status of a deity, like Hanuman. Then Hanuman could pretend to be Marcel, with riotous results! A switcheroo. Ha ha.

It was late at night, and Marcel and the monk were telling stories at the campfire, roasting marshmallows, of course. A talking monkey, you say? Well, of course. I'm writing this story, and that makes me a God of sorts. I can do that. I can make Gods into monkeys, monkeys into gorillas, and monks into hot dogs! (make me one with everything!) Anyway, as I was saying, they were seated around the crackling fire, watching the sparks rise into the heavens, and feeling groggy at the end of the day, as bedtime neared, enjoying their toasted goo, and pondering each others' clever words. Their eyes got heavy, and they nodded off, into a restful slumber, unbothered by anyone, be it monk, monkey, gorilla, or god. They fell into a state of deep relaxation, dreaming of a magical colorful land completely unlike anything in their earthly experience, full of castles and giants and strange creatures, like apemen and monkeydogs and spidermonkeys and horsefish. Morpheus, the God of dreams (and a friend of Hanuman) conjured up this shared realm, to blur the boundaries between man and beast, and make life more fun for everybody, in the process. A God of light should be a god of enlightenment, too, don't you think? Everybody was everything, in this world, and it was crowded, but it didn't feel full. Whales and krill were equals, here, as were Gods and men, or even Pedro the protozoa with Morpheus Himself! But morning approached, and all good things must come to an end. Back to life, back to reality, back to the forest, where the two awoke to a stranger sleeping nearby, who eventually introduced himself as Hank (who you might have guessed was in fact Hanuman), a forest ranger who chastised them for not being safer with their fire, and doing more to prevent forest fires (Hank was a bear of a man!). But no harm, no foul, as the fire had cooled to ashes, and all the forest creatures sang their praises for another delightful night in the company of the Gods.

So the monkey (Marcel), the monk (who had no name), and the monkey God H (Hanuman, who was undercover in the form of Hank), decided to go fishing for gar in the nearby creek. I see a gar! Said Garcia (which is what the monk decided to call himself). So the three ate. Which kind of made them eleven! (to the elves, anyway, who were not the best mathematicians). And the gar were gar-rrrr-ate! If you have never eaten gar with hot sauce (and monks never leave home without hot sauce), you really haven't lived, they all agreed. They became fast friends. “Marcel, why don't you like your fellow monkeys?” inquired Hank (who already knew the answer) “they seem like nice fellows to me!” Well, they stink, and they throw poo, and they eat bugs, and they never pick up their banana skins, and they're ugly, and not nearly as strong and good-looking as gorillas. Did I mention they throw poo? They throw poo!

You have a monkey-mind, my friend, said Hank, and you should not dwell on the less pleasing aspects of your kind. Monkeys are strong and beautiful in their own way, especially to other monkeys, so it is disturbing and strange that you yourself do not admire those who look most like you! What would you do if you were the God of monkeys, and could shape-shift at will into any form you choose?
You mean like Hanuman? He's a jerk! I asked him to make me into a Gorilla, I asked him nicely, and he didn't do ANYthing. Not one thing! I could be king of this jungle, but instead I'm just a stupid monkey!
Well, I'm sure Gods have their own rules, and changing species seems unnatural, if you ask me, replied H. Some things are better than being a gorilla, though, no?
If I may interject, said the monk... You, Marcel are a unique and amazing talking monkey, and your fur shines like the sun, your eyes sparkle like a brook, and your face appears to me as more glorious even than that of the finest maidens in my village, who I swear are in fact quite comely. I did not notice your true nature until just today, and I am awestruck by your exceedingly wise, bright, and -I must say- superior nature. I would even say you are like as to a God! (Hanuman had cast his spell, you see, on the monk).
I don't want to be a God! I want to be a gorilla! I want to be king of the jungle!!

Poof! Marcel turned into a lion, then ate the monk, just like that, at which all the birds erupted in beautiful song. Hank turned himself into a gorilla, and climbed onto a tree above this menacing lion. Will you eat me, too? I am strong, handsome, and some monkeys think I am the true king of the jungle! The lion, being a cat, was now wily, and decided gorillas might be tasty, he had never eaten one, so he yawned, made like he was going to nap, then sprang on the gorilla unawares a few minutes later, as his guard was down, and found this God's flesh to be truly delectable, unlike as to anything he had ever eaten before, something all lions would be blessed to enjoy throughout eternity, as a worthy sacrifice to the truly royal, regal, kingly, and kind Lion, king of the Beasts, lord of life, love, and all.

Note: I got tired, and created this ending to expedite an early finish. You are free to create alternate endings!


a cereal? a magazine? a 100 years?

Life is Good

Life is good, except when it's bad
unless it's All Good
which is really just a way of saying life is good
instead of a philosophical judgement on Reality-
It's always now
so make now good
here and now, you and me, reader and writer
me, time-travelling into the future, your present
a gift! My words, some of my time, my thought-
readable in less time than it took to write
efficient wisdom transference (transferral?)
unless you knew all this, already
which I suppose is likely
oh well

Life Sucks

Life is pain and hardship and suffering and woe
agony and torment and misery and anguish and despair
and loss. Cruelty and wickedness! Deceit and depravity.
Corruption, rottenness, sadness, depression, oppression
slavery, incarceration, punishment, savagery, terror, anxiety
fear, worry, stress, boredom, ignorance, stupidity-
the mean is mean
the average is enraged
the normal is not moral
and fictional monster Hannibal Lecter, larger than life,
feels really real
And being a buddhist, enlightenment often feels far off
But never fear! Nirvana is here! (hear?)
a mosquito, my libido
the blood is the life?
Music and vampires and movies make evil palpable
in an otherwise boring daily routine
until it all blows up, explodes
like MOAB, or Hiroshima, or the sun, someday.

tick talk, tic tock
thyme keeps on flavoring, flavoring, flavoring, into the future

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Happiness, Revisited

yet again

not depressed, sad, mourning
not anxious, worried, stressed
not sick, ill, diseased
not in a rut: variety, excitement
in love, loved, loving; friendships
relationships: equality, acceptance, respect, kindness, compassion
mercy, forgiveness, new beginnings
equanimity, discernment, awareness
peace, freedom, liberty, liberation
alive, awake, aware
strong, healthy, fit, sane, well
joyful, bliss, of good cheer
humor, frivolity, merriment
wine, women, and song
sex, drugs, and rock n roll
smiling, laughing, playing
singing, dancing, playing (music, an instrument)
music (listening): cd's/itunes/pandora/youtube/radio/records
satisfied, content, safe/secure
fun, games, winning
sports, comedy, concerts
exercise, look good/feel good, endorphins
compliments, positivity, appreciation/gratitude
stimulus, naps, meditation
chill out/ veg/ do nothing
food: delicious, nutritious, and fun to eat
go to bed tired, awake refreshed
standup (live/tv/radio), skits (campfires/snl/comedy movie genre), joke (books/websites/friends)
rich, beautiful, successful
travel, restaurants, conversation / new languages
roller coasters, water skiing, skydiving
surfing, mountain climbing, swimming/suntanning
yoga, bicycling, weight lifting / bodybuilding
fly a kite, lawn bowling, big bubbles
billiards, bowling, horseshoes
reading: books, papers, magazines, websites/blogs
museums, libraries, zoos/dog parks
spirituality, community, religion
hiking, camping, birdwatching / horseback riding
creativity, art, ballet, writing, video
invent something, start a business
acting, be someone new, play a role
candy, costumes, gifts, surprise, parties, celebration

The Opposites Of:

loneliness, isolation, alienation
addiction, alcoholism, compulsion, obesity
suffering, torment, agony, pain, hell, misery
war, torture, death, sickness, anguish
adversity, discontent, poverty, disrespect
famine, drought, hunger, thirst, malnutrition, starvation
criminality, vice, sin, wickedness, evil, depravity, abortion
insanity, neurosis, depression, suicide, meaninglessness
cynical, pessimistic, negative; stress, anxiety, worry, fear, terror
ignorance, stupidity, incuriosity, delusion
arrogance, sloth, deceit, animosity, disgust, greed, corruption
slavery, incarceration, hopelessness/despair, giving up
nightmares, horror, ugliness, cruelty, brutality, rape, murder
hostility, spite, malice, malevolence, anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury
revenge, abuse, violence, killing, homicide, assassination, execution

Thursday, April 20, 2017


Perfection process (exactly the way you are?)

perfect information. (speed reading, book+/day) (internet, libraries)
Perfect body: ideal fitness routine/variety.
Perfect mind: sanity, understanding of psychology
Self-defense mastery (aikido).
Enough money for lifetime of food/shelter/healthcare (no worries)
happiness: for no reason whatsoever, Go Slow.
     Enough sleep, meditation, blogging, naps, and music
     fun, play, laughter, joy, bliss
     relationships: (not hellish) actually pleasant, satisfying.
          friendships, love

travel, restaurants, people, activities, employment, exercise, books

ever-improving, meliorism, progress, betterment, growing wealth
swim, yoga, walking, bicycling, lifting, improving health
nature, hiking, camping; refresh the spirit

always a work-in-progress, in process
            (seeking improvement, closer to -unattainable?- perfection)
God is the only perfect being, by definition.
So maybe I'll get there, making Self = God. 
perfection, like happiness, could be all in your head.
(earned, from life experience; not a (dangerous!) H high short-cut)
making both (self, world) a better place

my voice keeps saying "fucking ow" (ad nauseum)
which makes me wonder about the synchronicity of torture with my own life-

but could be 10 (other) things: (literally, sex+pain):
1.misfit (too big, too small), 2.abortion, 3.rape, 4.childbirth, 5.anal sex
and more, i just thought of (writing helps!): 
6.sti/std/vd, 7. broken heart / cheating 8. death of a loved one
9."fuck-king of the world" or 10. fucking out of this world!
also, 11. (sex+pain: Spain)

some related deconstructions-
pain (pa in), own (ow n), world (ow are lethal dose), or (war lethal dose)
owl, hour, down, pow, row, bow, crow, dow, mow, how, who, cow, low, now, sow, tow, vow
bowel, cowl, dowel, foul, howl, jowl, powell, towel,
out, rout, bout, flout, pout, stout, spout
(pane, propane, panel)(hurt -her T)
and so on and so forth, etc., you get the idea!

devil is to lived as dealer ow is to world

Monday, April 17, 2017

The Truth, as I See It

A Mix of Spells
I'm an animal, a product of evolution, programmed to survive and reproduce, and simply solving problems of logistics, moving things around, which is all any of us ever really do. We move money and ideas and dogs around, for example, but it's still just things; people are things, bodies (not souls), and we're all going to die (and, in fact, are always dying). That is the reality, and reality is all the god there ever is. God is good, the source of goodness, and we ourselves are the only reality we can ever experience. So we make our own lives good, better, best. We are each a You-niverse unto ourselves. Of course, we fall in love, have sex, have kids, raise families, fight wars, and eventually age, get sick, die and cease to exist, for ever and ever, always, dust unto dust, eternal Oblivion. Impermanence is a fact of life, a law of reality. So do whatever the fuck you want, you only live once. And we're all in the same boat. You are under no obligation to think, say, do, or be anything. And that is a kind of freedom. Of course, there is law and police. Public opinion, courts, judges... So you might want to craft for yourself a good reputation, and live as if you will be rewarded an afterlife of heavenly bliss, that long, unending, heroin high in the sky. And who's to say? Maybe you will. I don't claim to be omniscient, so make up your own mind what spells you want to live under, whether Christian immortality in Heaven, or Buddhist enlightened nirvana until your flame goes out, or atheist certitude in the primacy of self in an uncaring universe, or even an Antichrist or Vampire, feeding off the suffering of your fellow man, or what-have-you. All of the above! I kind of like my current, evolving, philosophy that we're all Gods, bumping universes into each other, and we never die because we were never actually alive to begin with, being composed of non-sentient matter, that gets magically re-arranged by our dna into consciousness, the cooperation of eyes, ears, skin, mouth, nose, and linguistic brain into the stream we think is so special (but maybe rocks or atoms are alive, too; A lot of people think water is conscious...). Well, whatever.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

On God's Mind

Do I exist? Do you? Do any of us? Are we all figments of God's imagination? Mm, figs/mints. Is life a dream? Are dreams from the subconscious, Morpheus (the god of dreams) or what? Are we all parts of one consciousness? Is it all good? Is immortality possible? Desirable? Time-travel? Can we all be equally happy (whether a Sudanese refugee, or Bill Gates!)?  We're all in this together.  Can basic need be met for all of humanity? Universal health care? Clean water, nutritious food, shelter/clothing/bedding, sanitation, and peace? I believe security and comfort can be realized for everyone. And there should be libraries and internet for everybody, too, in my opinion. Needless suffering ought to be minimized to as close to zero as possible! And everybody should enjoy life, with love and gratitude and fun and play and laughter, and activities like dating, yoga, aikido, bodybuilding, reading, music, zoos, museums, plays, sports, movies, restaurants, travel, volunteering, massage, and of course television. Jobs should be satisfying and enjoyable as well as rewarding. Prisoners shouldn't suffer. And everybody should get along, no matter what religion, race, country, culture/language, or politics people belong to or identify with. Is reality all the God there ever is? Are we our own realities (a multiverse of You-niverses)?  Is there a being worthy of being called a God? Is he (or she) really omniscient? Or omnipotent? Is everybody me? Can a being who does not have sex be called God, who is love? Is the bible full of shit? Is everyone?

Monday, April 10, 2017

About Me

My Life lately,
by Jesse L Teshara

I sit. I'm sitting. House-sitting, in Oakland, for Sara and Pierre. They, their just-turned 3 y.o. son Augustus, and Pierre's dad, Peter, are in Portugal. I am dog-sitting, for their french bulldog, Poutine, a wheezy, neurotic thing that needs to wear a cone at all times (except of course eating/drinking) because she scratches her face, and compulsively licks her paws, which I'm told could result in amputation. She's a dumb dog to begin with, but she doesn't understand her menace to herself. I walk her 3x daily. I am a professional dogwalker. I walk other dogs, too. I am self-employed, an independent contractor, for Wag! (the “uber of dogwalking”), which uses cellphones and satellites to track your walk's route, in real-time, for the owner to see where you go. At the end of the walk, you write a report and submit a picture of yourself with the dog (you get an extra dollar if you wear the t-shirt and put a bandana on the dog, for advertising). In addition to the route, the report says how far you walked, with a checklist of whether the dog peed/pooped, and if the door is locked. I started with Wag! In March of last year (it's April '17). I've earned $5288.10 from them, so far. I've walked Rilo, Winnie, Sage, Brussel, Orion, Tallulah, Rex, Buckley, Kaleb, Kado, Indy, Zephyr, Louie, Buddy, Peggy, Toshi, Frankie, Tank, Sparkle, Myka, Scruffy, Ulla, LT, Dinosaur, Rutherford, Echo, Abner, Ollivander, Bear, Huxley, Tutt, Moxie, Maple, Paparazzi, Hazel, Poppy, Ray Charles, and Cody (38 dogs), with Wag.

I also walk outside of Wag. Fido and Taco preceded them, and are ongoing, although Taco has cancer and Fido is getting old. They live in San Leandro, and I usually walk them on Tuesdays, after eating a pastor taco or two at Los Pericos, nearby, as part of my routine. So, in additon to Poutine, Fido and Taco, and Kaleb, I walk Junie, who lives a block away from me, for Teresa, the owner who I met through Sara, who uses her home Pilates equipment and used to work with her at Berkeley Ballet Theater. I'm not very good at identifying breeds, so I've omitted that, you may have noticed. 

I listen to music every day. I have an Apple MacBook, and the itunes has thousands of radio stations, in different genres and categories (free!). I like college radio, and I skip around between Cal radio (which is also on the fm airways), and MIT (wmbr), Princeton (wprb), Harvard (whrb), CalPolySLO (kcpr), UCDavis (kdvs), Yale (wybcx), Stanford (kzsu), UCSanta Cruz (kzsc), and gdradio.net (Grateful Dead radio). That's ten, which seems apt (listen!). There's also Clave (in Argentina) and Musique (in France), which are pretty good. Occasionally, I listen to stand-up comedy. I watch very little tv, usually only at the gym or at Sara's. I go to the library almost every day, and usually have more than one book checked out. I have a subscription to the Economist, which I supplement with the daily New York Times, (at the library) and the weekly Christian Science Monitor (online). I get daily news from the Washington Post in my email. I also get daily email trivia, vocabulary, a daily poem, and book excerpts. Wikipedia is fun to surf, and I do, frequently. I have thousands of trivia cards, and the J! Archive (from the tv show Jeopardy) website has, I'm told, enough questions to take up 3 months of my life. My book lists will take even longer (1001, 501, and all the Newbery winners (since 1922). There's also Bloom's Canon, which is a whole other ball of wax. A book a day would take like 5 years, but I'm not a speed-reader, so it will take much longer. I also want to be proficient at Aikido, and do yoga, and bodybuild, while eating (mostly) vegetarian.  I have a gym membership at the local YMCA.  Dating, of course, is in the mix, but I'm 45, and not very motivated. If I can overcome schizophrenia, that would be the best. I'm told it's “chronic, episodic.” So we'll see. I've got a lot going on. 

Will I find a woman and job I love? Will I get better? Will I finish my reading list? Will I have a family of my own? A house? No matter, I'm doing okay as is, as Uncle Jesse to Ben, Declan, Augustus, and Esme. (missing a C). I'm Chuy (Jesus, Isai). I like writing my blog, and I wonder if I can make it into a published book. Between The Secret (by Rhonda Byrne), Think and Grow Rich (by Napolean Hill), and Master the Game (by Anthony Robbins), that might be a good start to an even more lucrative, rewarding career in the future. I won the Journalism award in high school. Maybe I should discipline myself to be a writer. I DO enjoy it! How to be God, lol. Just Be Good! (Just Be). :-)

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Weighing in on the important stuff

chips v. popcorn, yoga v. jogging, and cats v. dogs-people?

all good, but
chips, yoga, dogs!

popcornopolis makes some good stuff.
   is there still a jolly time kettle corn?
running used to be fun, but now i'm more into yoga.
cats are fun, but i'm just more of a dog person.
  kittens v. puppies?  ooh, that's hard.

Weird word ward

bunny snowshoes! (buenos noches, good night)
G is us, cry sss (hey Zeus) (happy wholly weak)
eye key dough, thai cuando, carrot tea, jew git sue
uke a wrist, way for, cum union
porch a gal, you knighted stay 8, Q bah
mechanics taco, empty can (can nada) (nada = nothing)

and so on, tbc

How Dogs Enhance Our Lives

this post was requested by my friend Pat

They wag. They smile. They're warm and friendly, and fun to pet. They need you. You get outside more often, and get some exercise. It's humbling (you have to pick up poop). It's kind of a reminder that humans are only animals, too. They can be good with kids, and teach responsibility (a step up from maintaining plants). They can be guide dogs for the blind. They can be rescue dogs, for people lost on mountains, or trapped in fallen rubble. They can track criminals. They can detect drugs. They can provide comfort to people in hospitals. They have a superpower: super-smell, which can be used to find things. They can guard your property. They can bark at trespassers. They can attack enemies. They can be useful in war. And they can love you back, be good for the lonely, and a way to meet people at dog parks or on the street (a better way than smoking, I would say). They can sleep on your bed, and be trained to do things, like sit, stay, roll over, shake, heel, fetch, and even stand. They can be fun to watch, entertaining, goofy. Sometimes they lick your face. They have personalities. They can usually understand more than 100 words. They help the economy, for dogfood, pet toys, veterinary services, and dog-walkers/sitters/boarding. Pets are people, too, right dawg? Going to the dogs, doggone-it, isn't really such a bad thing. Dog is to God as devil is to lived. Hopefully I'm not writing doggerel. Dogs are cool, and that's some of God's dogma. Life's a bitch, and then you die. Woof!

The FCI (world canine organization) recognizes 339 breeds of dog.  Some are cute, some are ugly, some big, others small (called "toy" dogs), some are used for hunting, others for herding, while others (in asia) are used for food, themselves.  They have health problems, both physical and mental, like humans.  And I've read that some can smell disease (cancer?) through the skin of their owners.  The onion just joked about a dog waiting before eating his dead owner's face.  Some dogs will refuse food after the death of their owner until they die as well (dog suicide).  There's dog racing, and dogfighting.  'movies about dogs' is an interesting google search.   This, too.  There are smart dogs, and dumb dogs.   I've heard about a dog that watches tv.  There was a tv show about 'Dog' the bounty hunter (and Snoop Dogg is now Snoop Lion). (I haven't read my Cat Warren book about dogs yet).  We all have dogs in our mouths (k9's), lol.  

interesting bit o' science:
Are dogs descended from wolves?  "It turns out that today's dog breeds may not have evolved from the gray wolf, at least not the kind of gray wolf that exists today.  A study in the current issue of PLoS genetics suggests that, instead, dogs and gray wolves share a common ancestor in an extinct wolf lineage that lived thousands of years ago."

Friday, April 7, 2017


Thursday, April 6, 2017

Thursday, March 23, 2017


not necessarily trivial, but a decent way to keep learning, no?

The To-Do List

this could take awhile

1001 must read before you die, 501 must-read books.
Newbery award winners, Bloom's canon
friend recommendations (Bill, Jose, Michael, Pierre)
BAMS (best american mystery stories) series ('97 thru '16)
            (short stories)
news (daily, weekly): ny times, cs monitor, economist
trivia cards, J! archive
words: dictionary, spanish, slang
poetry, wb/eb/wiki encyclopedia, atlas
daily history

online: you-tube: self-defense, cartoons;
     ted talks, oyc (open yale courseware)
     onion, weird news
movies (library, video store rentals, cinema)
tv: westworld, black mirror (recommended, esp. for me)

music, joe frank, religious variety (podcasts), philosophy talk

yoga, bodybuilding, etb/etr (early to bed...)
earn money, date
museums, nature, comedy, travel, restaurants
play (e.g. bubbles, origami, model train museum, kites)


everything in play

"all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"
"the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys"

childhood, inner-child, xmas morning, hide-n-seek
playgrounds, parks, recess, lunch, schoolyard
swings, slides, jungle-gym, playdough, toys-r-us
happiness, laughter, fun, joy
     e.g. nature, comedy, museums, good food, travel
     relax, meditation, garden
     art, creativity, reading, writing
     pool, ocean, river, lake.  swim, surf, suntan.
     endorphins, feeling good, exercise, push-ups.
     ha, ha.  lol.  comedy central.
bubbles, origami, kites, trains, games
checkers, chess, cards
aggravation, trivial pursuit
computer games, video games
play button (cassette player), play in a band
sports (e.g. ultimate frisbee, basketball, horseshoes)
          (baseball, tennis, raquetball)
role-playing, cosplay (costume play), trick-or-treat
theater, drama
playboy magazine, foreplay
"player", playa-haters
powerplay (hockey, politics)
toying with people, gun play
horseplay, dolphins

Friday, March 10, 2017


God's Logistics

hypnosis and economics:
all we ever do is move things around (ideas, things, people)(and dogs!)
we are things, animals, tubes* - solving problems
(such as survive and reproduce, to pass on our genes)
think, say, do and be - good, better, and best!
perfection and purity, in possibility and potential
contentment, satisfaction, joy, comfort, bliss
peace, prosperity, safety, security, friendship, family
health, wellness, strength, fitness, sanity; loving, loved, in love
goodness, virtue, honesty, wisdom, probity, uprightness
respect, compassion, principled, moral, ethical, kind, giving
joy, happiness, cheer, laughter, fun, games, play, sing, dance, clap, shout, feel fine
pleasure, endorphins, look good and feel good, variety (not boredom)
exertion, exercise, sweat, muscle-confusion; challenge, opportunity
blessing; God bless you!
    (sneeze) ah-choo! (choo-choo. chews.  choose. chuy.)
good, right, honorable, virtuous, true, honest, trustworthy,
sacred, holy, joyful, grateful, beneficent loving-kindness.
merciful, forgiving, compassionate, wise:
+ positive, praise and gratitude

goal, objective, desire (god): desire, destination, destiny
to minimize suffering and evil, and maximize joy and love!
ameliorate v. exacerbate.  to be a part of the solution, not a problem
cultivate virtue and extinguish vice (god's cv)
betterment, improvement, change (bic lighter)
utopia, the "kindgdom," heaven: happy/healthy!
this life or the next, here or hereafter, now or never
progress process, the development dialectic
(thesis, antithesis, synthesis)
all in your head! heaven is a state of mind.
absence of suffering, presence of bliss
(frivolity, merriment, comedy, for example)
also, heavenly is a ski resort, hell is a village in Norway.
equanimity, activism, simplicity
take things in stride, acceptance, "like water off a duck's back"
courage, bravery, selflessness
vanity, frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense
awake, aware, alive; clarity, attentive, eloquent
survive, thrive, alive!

pain, suffering, old-age, disease, death
dukkha, dissatisfaction, imperfection
death, impermanence, oblivion, stream (dios)
     ('Dios' means 'God' in spanish/espanol)
         ('tu' (sounds like 'two') is 'you' (familiar))

S: satan, santa, stream-of-consciousness, sadness, sorrow, sex, soul, savagery, self, selfless, self-realization, satori, sin, stress, suicide, sadism, schadenfreude, service.

$ (s with a line through it)

dumb depraved devil.  (boredumb.  wisdumb.  freedumb)
"all right?"
victory, vanquishing the

sinful, criminal, rotten, bad, wicked, evil, depraved, vicious, cruel, brutal, ruthless, savage, violent causes of

anxiety, stress, worry, fear, terror, pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish, despair, hopelessness, torture, oppression, repression, depression, sadness, sorrow, slaughter, killing, death, murder, manslaughter, extinction, apocalypse, homicide

victory could be death, incarceration, suicide, or a shift in outlook, conscience, consciousness.
 (changing hearts and minds and behavior, repentance and forgiveness and rebirth).
        By this, I mean overcoming, not being possessed by ("vampire emotions")  of  murderous anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury.  You might have to systematically address every one of my 1000 reasons to kill, to get there.  Better to address and overcome than avoid, I feel.  You don't want to be cross your whole life.  A problem-free philosophy of don't worry, be happy is infinitely better, no?

*a Cal biology student told me how it was informative to think of humans/animals as basically "tubes" (from mouth to anus).  (eat and excrete.  ingest and digest).  food: healthy and nutritious, vitamins and variety and vegetables, not too much/too little, and delicious!

Madness and the Gods

"Whom the Gods would destroy they first make mad"
    -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Mad can mean angry, and it can also mean insane.
Or both.
Or, insanely angry.  ('insane' can also be an intensifier)
(1 of the 4)

Everybody is destroyed, eventually.   Time destroys all.
No one is immortal.  Nobody lives forever.  Death is the universal fate.
hence, if Longfellow is to be believed, we are all mad (at some time or another).

mad is synonymous with crazy, insane, psychotic, nuts, schizophrenic.
i think the Brits call it "going mental"
insanity is a legal category: "legally insane"
mad crazy insane:
1.mci (microwave communications, inc., from '63-'98)
(are schizophrenic voices a type of "vibe"?, e.g. a microwave?)
      if you "are on the same wavelength," what does that mean, in physics?
2."slip you a mickey" -to give someone a laced drink, with the intent to incapacitate.

my voice has made a distinction between insane and unsane.
which can be a bit maddening, as unsane is not a word!
in the sane?  united nations sanity?
is anger somehow an insane response?
since we are what we eat, should we avoid nuts?
are skittles or campfire skits related to being schizo?
if a Cray computer sleeps, is it cray-z?  Or a crayfish?

is God responsible for our mental health?
is madness a curse?  is sanity a blessing?
does it originate from a Higher Power?

To vanquish madness, cultivate sanity, and achieve wellness
one must realize the source or origin or cause of insanity.

maybe it's a delusional doctor, psychiatrist? a false diagnosis?
maybe it's genetic, from your mom, dad, or both?
maybe it's a telepath, in your head
maybe it's your subconscious, or the "collective unconscious"
is life merrily but a dream?  from Morpheus, the god of dreams?
   can one dream oneself into sanity?
                 force oneself to wake up from the nightmare?

what is sanity?  what is madness?

the definition of legal insanity is mental illness of such a severe nature that a person cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, cannot conduct his/her affairs due to psychosis, or is subject to uncontrollable impulsive behavior.

Einstein, of course, said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

Sanity is 1. The ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner; sound mental health
               2. reasonable and rational behavior.

Eating Riesens (yum!) as rations, would seem to have little to do with it.  Is "sound" mental health related to noises, out loud, talking, verbalizing, thinking out loud?  Is a "sound" thought process one in which you (although discouraged when learning speed-reading), "sub-vocalize"??  I suspect it has little or nothing to do with any of this.  Although, maybe God can only hear your thoughts if you (sub) vocalize them.

The key word is "Normal."   Average has rage in it.  The mean is, of course, mean.  Normal has moral in it.  plus N.  And Norm, and Al.  and Mal, like malevolent or malicious.

Norm, from Cheers, and Al, from the Daily Show (Madrigal).   There's a lot to be mad about.  But laughter is the best medicine, not eating someone's liver with fava beans and a nice chianti, lol.  (High  tyramine foods, to be avoided if you're taking MAOI's, monoamine oxidase inhibitors) Morality does engender righteous indignation, though, at the Amoral/Immoral.

a bit on hats (!):
Hatred, red hat, (Trump it), hated=death, mad hatter, mad-mom and dad, hat- hunger and thirst (for righteousness), happy/humor/healthy and torture/torment.  "Moderation in all things, including moderation" -Oscar Wilde

politics and vampires
poly-ticks (many blood-suckers), vampire (ima perv, blood fetish, engorgement), blood: be lewd.  You suck.  Getting drunk.  G-D.   Drinking from the well.  (the well?!)  Is the normal not moral?  The banality of evil (-Hannah Arendt) (be anal?).   "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac" -Henry Kissinger.

God and free will
A God, knowing all, therefore has no free will of His own, because He knows the best course of action, and are "all-good," so must therefore always go that path.  I got that from the character Penny, in the Magician series, by Lev Grossman. (although, perhaps, a God might occasionally encounter a choice between two or more equally meritorious options).