I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Friday, July 20, 2018

the dark side of laughter

Laughter is ugh later

satire has ire
happiness has sin
grin has gr
fun has f.u.

comedy (med co y) (pharmaceutical company income?!)
    ha, that kids in the hall movie! (Brain Candy)
i dig your mind (never mined)
devil reads your mind, god writes it?

the joker, the riddler -villains

joke (k joe)
businessmen "make a killing" and comedians "killed 'em"  (eekonomics!)

decoding 'eucharist'

some anagrams

it means "thanksgiving" in greek (not used in NT)

i plugged it into an internet anagram-generator and got (among many others) the following:

ha cures it!
ha tis cure
ah its cure
ah curse it
i crush eat
shit u care
care hit us
ha trice us
ha cute sir
eat rich us
i sure chat
car use hit
i hurt case
us reach it
each is rut
a sure itch
a rustic eh
a ecru shit
ice hurts a
a such tire
hat cruise
rash cutie
rah is cute
such irate
racist hue
cash uteri
hi us react
his curate
hit causer
raciest uh
ace rush it
hit saucer
caries hut
tau riches
reach suit
true cash I
cat ires uh
cats hire u
trash i cue

and, of course, 'eu a christ'

kinda fun, no?

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Mejorar mi Espanol

Para alcanzar maestria:

buscar todas las palabras desconocidas
repasar el libro de gramatica
escuchar al radio
conversar con companeros de casa
leer libros en espanol de la biblioteca
   tambien las revistas y noticias, la jornada, alli
tambien, leer yahoo, wikipedia, cnn, la opinion
    por el internet/la computadora
aun pensar, acaso sonar

Jess-panol, lol

Monday, July 16, 2018

Oblivion, Terrorism, Surveillance, and Life

a few thoughts

1. The existence, reality, and universality of Oblivion makes everything allright.
in other words:
we're all gonna die, anyway.  it's the universal fate.
every day is one day closer to death.
Do what thou wilt.  Be all that you can be.  Live!
Just do it.  All is forgiven.  All we are is dust in the wind.
No one lives forever, and impermanence is a universal truth.
We're bubbles that pop! here and gone in an instant.
(god is a man of war, only god is good,
there is a time to kill, the time is always now, lol)

2. Everyone should have a life-ethic, enjoy life, be pro-life, and work to make life pleasant and fun for everyone (including and especially, prisoners).

But a death-ethic, or the "death-instinct": thanatos/mortido
      might have (usually has?) dark consequences.
      Justice or Karma or God, dictates kill and be killed (eye for an eye)
a.laws and lawyers and judges and courts and capital punishment ("society"), or
b. an automatic mindless law of the universe, or
c. God Himself (Death, incarnate?  Santa Muerte?)
    might visit vengeance on your sorry ass (misery, suicide, retribution)

3. Terrorists must hate themselves, life, god, reality, their religion, others, humanity, their God..  I mean, wtf??  What a shitty religion.  God is great!  Boom!  (The Merciful?) Ugh.

4. "A citizenry that is aware of always being watched quickly becomes a compliant and fearful one."
-Glen Greenwald

Godly folk believe God hears everyone's prayer, and is omniscient.
What's the difference between that and the Eye of Sauron?
One is good and one is evil?
One is Hitler and the other is a wise king?
Go figure.
 I'm wondering if the concept and construct of God isn't a fascist one.
Call me crazy, but I don't think I want anyone in my head but me.
So be your own God, evict everyone else!  (unless it's a party!)
   (but maybe that's not possible) (insanity is a bitch)

"love is a composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies" -Aristotle

"the fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that I am here and you are out there" - Yasutani Roshi

Personally, I add two layers to the bible quote
"God is a man of war" (exodus 15:3)
2. a psy-war against war
3. which is better served as being framed, activity that is "pro-peace"
(The Secret says anti-war just makes MORE war)
("better than God", lol)

Sunday, July 15, 2018


words are key
and the word was God

monkey, donkey
funky yankee, hanky-panky
don quixote
she's a keeper

Congress should have communication clarity and comprehension, creativity and compassion, confidence and chemistry, and compromise with Chomsky
(MIT professor of philosophy and linguistics)
         MIT: medicine, imagination, therapy!  am it

there's a difference between crows, ravens, and blackbirds
but there isn't between mountain lion, cougar, puma
  (and panther, wildcat?)

nasty boys, u nasty
shattuck avenue, winnie the pooh, krusteaz pancake mix, puma
nissan murano (mucous, urine, and o), jeep compass (cum and piss),
country, pussycat

i'll have syria for breakfast, and a bolivia of turkey chile for launch.
I have haiti and ireland toward the word Niger

GAME: god, angels, miracles, elysium
life as a game, selfish manipulation of reality

shocking: an electrifying performance
shell-shock, state of shock (sos)
"shock the muscles" -arnold
shock of hair
frank zappa, train conductor, conduct a symphony, electric kool-aid

Read, Watch, Listen


escape, see, hear

flow state, escapism, stimulate imagination, learn good writing
vicarious experience, education, space/time-travel
news, information, data, research, stay informed, good citizenship
speed reading book/course, how to learn (coursera), lumosity
google queries, stay curious, who what where when why how!
fiction, scifi (science fiction), fantasy, short stories, jokes,
cc archive (comedy central), joke archive (sfpl), 10+ joke books
poetry, plays, encyclopedias, dictionaries, atlas, philosophy
nonfiction, biography, history, cookbooks, science and nature
anything, everything (omnivore), vs. specialization
play tourist! get tourist books for activity ideas for where you live
material from computer/library/bookstores/friends/neighbors
true crime, crime encyclopedia, horror, fantasy, masd
bass, bams, bans (best american) (martial arts, self-defense)
   (short stories, mysteries, nature and science),
   (also best buddhist writing/ best nonrequired reading)
librarian picks, bill gates recommendations (gatesnotes),
book club, best-sellers, award-winners, okcupid faves
  e.g.Hammett (crime), Bram Stoker (horror), Hugo/Nebula,
Pulitzer, Pen, Booker, Nobel, nba (nt'l book award), nbcca..
self-help/psych, foreign languages, aletheon, money, art
kaiser permanente healthwise handbook / web md
explore different libraries, go to cs reading rooms
bpl, opl, sfpl, albany (i have library cards for each)
(berkeley, oakland, san francisco)
GTU (graduate theological union), Cal, link+

some favorite authors: Proust, Shakespeare, Freud, Dostoevsky
Lev Grossman, Bill Bryson, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman
Gabo (Gabriel Garcia Marquez), Douglas Adams, Jorge Amado,
Albert Camus, Anne Rice, Isabel Allende, Mark Twain, V Smil,
George Eliot (Middlemarch), Jack London (call of the wild),
Alessandro Manzoni (The Betrothed) (the pope's favorite book)
   Pope Francis is a former literature professor, internet says :-)
Kurt Vonnegut, (also funny, i'm told: Wodehouse, Waugh, Hiaasen)
Yuval Noah Harari, Chomsky, and the National Enquirer, of course!

lists of "must-reads":
(1001, 501, 500, Gates, Bloom canon, newbery, teen)
   --if you like, i will make you a photocopy of my 7 lists--
(Bloom and Gates are online. Newbery is on wikipedia).

reference books:
   world book, wikipedia, brittanica (cd, and in library)
   dictionaries (chambers, spanish, slang) (peruse OED)
   world atlas, road atlas
blog research, grzimek/naturalist, mensa, nolo (law)
   (religion and spirituality, ecology/botany/zoology, brainy)
internet: sermons, procon, schizophrenia.com, arts and letters,
   phrontistery, iep, poetry foundation, bartleby, random blog surfing
magazines: RS, NG, PT, People, Mad, MH, UR
(rolling stone, nt'l geo, psych today, men's health, utne reader)

-daily routine:
e-mail: delancey, poem, vocabulary, trivia, news, family
book/day, ideally.  start with Newbery winners (children's)
   b-a-d is g-o-o-d! (get out of dismal?)
enjoyable journeys in wikipedia "rabbit hole,"
daily history (6):
  wikipedia, farlex, chase (online)
  grim reaper, today in history (books),
  brittanica (computer cd)
check blog stats (averaged 68p views/day, last month!)

-daily news:
a dozen pages of the economist, daily (to finish in a week)
yahoo, wikipedia, e-mail (ny times summary, wapo 202)
christian science monitor, ny times, la jornada (library)
foreign affairs (cal library), cnn, huffpo (phone notifications)
online: berkeleyside, weird news, sex news (on literotica), fb
fake news: onion; sometimes: rolling stone, bloomberg, the week
bay woof (monthly, free)

J! (online jeopardy archive),  funtrivia.com, trivial pursuit cards,
you don't know jack, wbsm (win ben stein's money), trivia crack,
cash cab, who wants to be a millionaire, ru smarter than a 6th grader
uhaul, snapple, geography bee, ken jennings, etc.
(ignorance is blitz -decode, decipher) (uncle john's bathroom rdrs)
(trivia at bars, trivia night at libraries)
    -do you know the (somewhat lengthy!) protocol for safely
    cleaning up after a broken cfl (compact fluorescent light bulb)?

see, go, do

surf the internet, surf the ocean, explore the earth
surf the earth! walk "around the world" (around the block, for a kid)
watch tv, computer, movies, plays, shows, concerts, standup comedy
go travel, see museums, nature, circus, magic, sports, theme parks
rituals, festivals, parades, national parks, safari, races...
   i liked spike n mike film festivals, animation, cartoons, like
beavis n butthead, ren n stimpy, tom n jerry, itchy n scratchy,
fractured fairy tales, dr. katz, adult swim, south park, power puff girls
sick and twisted, oscar-nominated shorts... muppets, martians
(i haven't seen yet): game of thrones, westworld, black mirror (rec'd)
late night tv, conan, daily show, john oliver, seth meyers, SNL (saturday night live)
movies (free from library, $6 video store rental, theater (fandango giftcards)
youtube: ask a ninja, cirque, juggling, youtube awards, bb motivation, weird al videos
pinterest, instagram, google pics, porn, wikipedia list of internet phenomena, lumosity
mtv: ridiculousness, awesomeness, (music videos?)
Cal campus calendar, entertainment calendar (on kalx)
rocky horror picture show (audience participation), 3D IMAX anything, the strand (1127 market), shotgun theater (nearby), berkeley ballet theater, any Dan Clegg shows, millbrae train museum, harlem globe trotters, sharks, 49ers, raiders, flamethrowers, demolition derby, car shows, (nascar, motocross, monster trucks: never been!),
   behind the scene with a magician (a fond memory, i wanted to be a magician when i was a kid), magi/cia/ian!  hobby, career, talent; sex (bedroom "where the magic happens" -mtv cribs), saw magicians as cub scout, as adult (at branch library), store in SF, rosemont counselor; portals? dream-worlds (morpheus) (day dream? v's (voices), telepathy?), books, movies, videogames, VR (virtual reality), gee i see, eye c (third eye).  LG's books (lev grossman).  card shark roommates, in college (ucdavis).  youtube, tv, vegas.  chemistry magic show,
  picnic day, whole earth festival (davis, ca), state faire, halloween cemetery tours, make a costume that utterly transforms you (unrecognizably!) into another person (say, another sex, or fatter, or older, with facial applications), 52 museums (in San Francisco alone), golden gate fields (horse racing), greyhound racing, zoos, MADE museum (in Oakland- over 5,300 playable videogames!), tattoo/gun shows, professional wrestling, comicon, (renaissance faire, star trek convention, oingo boingo, laser shows: do these still exist?), taiko drums, sumo, gymnastics, quidditch, hockey, soccer, olympics, rainforest, white water rafting, birdwatching, look through telescopes/microscopes, fishing, horseback riding, pow-wow, sweat lodge, lead hikes, point reyes national seashore, yosemite, mt. madonna.  opera, ballet, hot air balloon ride, wine tasting, great america, knott's berry farm, six flags, disneyland, disneyworld, santa cruz beach and boardwalk, roller coasters around the world, historical landmarks, national parks.  religious variety, attend services everywhere: glide memorial, holy hill, spiritism, unitarian, christian science, etc. (jw, lds, sikh, hindu, muslim, jewish, buddhist, taoist, shinto, scientology, fsm).  retreat centers and places of beauty, serenity, meditation, contemplation, and maybe even transformation.  Join a cult?  Make my own?  MHA (mental health advocates, nearby).  flea markets, garage sales, thrift stores.  bingo, lottery, vegas.  travel the USA.  oaklandlibrary.org/events. 

i like the idea of joining (not at once!) every religion, in the spirit of all of humanity sharing a single God, but worshipping Her in different ways and under different names.  Immersion, like learning languages and cultures, or taking drugs (trippy). 

hear, hear
 speech, music, white noise, nature, silence.

birdcalls, joe frank, alexa, am/fm radio, kalx/ win tickets (e.g. old first church), satellite radio, cable tv music stations, itunes (radio), itunes gift card (for phone), youtube, pandora, noise-cancelling headphones/earplugs, ted, podcasts, sermons, standup comedy, foreign languages, audiobooks, poetry, open mic night, lectures, speeches, shows, concerts, taiko, audit classes, online courses: oyc (open yale courses), coursera (happiness, how to learn, quran, development), ...  telephone calls, library cd's, record stores (e.g. amoeba, rasputin), cb radio, live bands, raves, opera, symphony orchestra, barbershop quartets, gay men's chorus, gospel choirs, blue heron, hos (hearts of space), music with space (for that location that resides between the left and the right ears), marv rosen (classicaldiscoveries.org), baroque, jazz, gdradio.net (grateful dead), wybcx (yale online radio), simple radio (on my phone), college radio: wprb, whrb, wmbr, kalx, kcpr, kusf, kzsc, kzsu, kdvs), local kalw, kpfa.   I have some Tony Robbins cassettes from the thrift store i haven't listened to yet, lol.  buy music for swimming device?
-hertz hall, weekly concerts, W 12:15-1p, music.berkeley.edu

Eat, Exercise, Sleep


healthy body, mind
physical, mental health
see, hear, smell, taste, feel

vitamins, b/l/d, medication, gnc, veg, free
breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks; fasting
eat less, less often, lose weight (i'm overweight: 6'1, 232 lbs)
morning coffee, pastry and usually oatmeal (Augie calls it 'omio')
you are what you eat, less what you excrete
   you are what you think, feel (mind), largely chemical (food, meds)
   you are your body (no one has a soul)
  (but "body, mind, and soul" still makes sense)
Eucharist! my name (Jesse) means god makes forget, (thus, weekly)
  and the whole office (t.w.o.) of the eucharist;
  J (10, satan, say ten, 11215) and 'esse' (latin for eating)
  "one bread, one body" (2.2 Billion bodies, actually, a/o 2010)
   number of christians, that is.  about a third of humanity.
free food, meals (bfp, bkly food pantry, 3 bags/month)
    (mcgee church, mwf lunches, nearby)
    (newman, all soul's)
vegetarian ideal (eat less meat, only that served/free, don't buy)
crunchy, creamy, chewy (whatever happened to powerbars?)
meditation, medication
vitamins (c, omega 3 fish oil, men's health, b12, joint support)
medication (before i go to sleep)(1mg risperdal, 30mg zyprexa)
   the magic word is "depotentiating" (used of alcohol, re: meds)
gnc protein powder (daily)(amplified wheybolic extreme 60)
cbd (cannabidiol, self-medicate)
kurzweil has a "longevity diet" (does it work?)
jim morris, vegetarian at 50, vegan at 65, bodybuilder (pinterest) 
another reason to veg:
    a hamburger uses the equivalent of 26 showers of water
restaurants (thai, burmese, chinese, ethiopian, indian/pakistani,
    pizza, burger, sushi, sandwich, taco, pho, donut/croissant)
junk food, candy, ice cream, chips, pastry, soda (in moderation)
trader joe's, berkeley bowl, whole foods, safeway, target,
pedro's brazilian cafe, noah's bagels, subway sandwiches
mtn mike's, papa john's, burger king, jack in the box, carl's jr.
boss burger, bongo burger, mcdonald's, true burger, nation's
los pericos, sushi secrets, ike's love and sandwiches, A+
cream (cookies rule everything around me), chipotle, lee's donuts
beer, barbeque, burgers, hotdogs
sushi and sake, baklava, pastor tacos, strawberry paleta
 (these are a few of my favorite things)(all things in moderation)
(pastor (pork -poor piggies- killed) is an acronym for -
    pain, agony, suffering, torment, oppression, repression (!)
joke: said the psychiatrist to the pig,
   "you know what your problem is? you're delicious!"

walk, jog, jumprope, dance; wag!, go hiking/camping, sweat!
climb a rock, catch a wave, climb a redwood, climb mt. Fuji
walk lake Merritt, go to nearby forest (Tilden park), indian rock
yttp: yoga to the people. free!(donation-based), downtown bkly
etb etr (navy seal life coach says 4:30am!)(8 hours)
(early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise)
    -Ben Franklin, poor richard, (wasn't he kinda pudgy?)
YMCA, gym, "Y": swim, lift, yoga, bike (alternate)
stretch (and read and listen, multitask!); aikido, etc.
lose weight, gut; gain muscle, flexibility
surf, waterski, boating, scuba, lap swim
bodybuilding, daily maintenance, improvement 
hot tub, shower
nap, rest, snooze
lounge, hammock
watch tv, veg, do nothing
sunbathe, tan, relax, swim, take a dip
refresh, recharge, renew, recuperate, revitalize
wake rested, refreshed, naturally/no alarm, write down dreams?

smile, laugh, enjoy, be grateful, have fun

Go Slow
play, explore, do new things, variety
yale course on happiness, the good life, psychology of well-being
read authentic happiness, superbetter, joke books
toys!: "the only difference b/w men and boys, is the price of their toys"
    e.g.: 3 person chess, hoverboard, segway, electric unicycle, new radio, etc.
massage, sex
balmy weather, or by fireplace (in winter)
hygiene, cleanliness: brush, floss, rinse. deodorant.
   sweep, vacuum, laundry, new clothes, haircut (shaved/shorn)
   ear-candling, finger/toe nail clipping
   "looking, smelling, feeling like a million bucks-ah"   
make new friends, re-connect w old
bubbles and kites
drugs, entheogens, microdose
endorphins, runners-high
winning: sports, games (vs. others, or solitaire)
politics, marches, signs, veg flyers
make, earn, win, find, receive, have money/wealth/security
look good, feel good (beauty) (shave, shower)
nature, standup comedy, good meal/company, love

Write, Talk, Create


set time aside, daily routine, discipline-
blog, journal, essays, poetry.   for book(s), magazine(s).
publish, get published, get paid.  specialize, focus, specific topics.
for fun, as both hobby, career.   paid in pleasure, rewarded in remuneration.
journalist, author- research online, at libraries, in conversations
write e-mails, texts, actual hand-written letters-
    (communications with people i know,
     as an intended audience, vs. anybody/everybody)
   (e.g. rosa bagley, leone pena, drs. jurkowski, betat, reich, etc.)
blow up, go viral.  be of interest, topical, current, unique, interesting.
update okcupid profile, write to potentials
post to facebook

spanish, with roommates
telephone: call home, family, friends
dictation, for e-mail, etc.
uncle jesse: play with, read books to nephews (ben, declan), augie
talk to alexa (AI): tell me a joke, riddle, a story.  queries.
    play music (genre, artist, song)
social!: be a big brother, prisonlit volunteer, okcupid dating, etc.
   (free) apple class, yoga, martial arts sessions, college class audit,
co-ed scouting programs (e.g. sea scouts, explorers, etc.)
"conversation pieces" (gimcracks), i have a collection of oddities
try being audiobook narrator ($), volunteer a.n. (for blind)
learn guitar, try being a standup comedian
master spanish: conversation, dictionary, grammar, library books
   la jornada, yahoo, wikipedia, cnn, la opinion, ewtn, travel
immersion! write, talk, think, dream, and read only spanish-
    (escribir, conversar, pensar, sonar en espanol)(set time aside)

make friends, make money, make stuff
get crafty: origami, fence-windmills, kit car, pottery
draw (cartoons?), take pictures, post to blog/instagram
make self: body building, etb etr, self-improvement mentality (god)
  (early to bed, early to rise) (be good, better, your best) (vegetarian)
goal: 100% sane, with happy, rewarding job
         and love, beauty, health, and success
youtube channel? make your own video(s)! 
meetup, nextdoor, etc. (find neighbors and friends with like interests)
play games, chess, cribbage, trivial pursuit, (or just chat around trivia)
myspace (photographer, blogger/writer, activist, comedian)
$- earn.  try different jobs (fitness partner, dog walker, lyft/uber,
     audiobook narrator, bellhop, pet-sitter, cuddler)
     (model, martial arts instructor, maybe)
   "dog days" means a time of inactivity, sluggishness,
     during the hottest period of the year, named after
     the "heliacal rising of Sirius (the dog-star)"
(buy, bring poop bags, treats, water (chilled?), maybe spray-shield)
$- spend. retail therapy: thrift stores, garage sales, flea mkts.
remote control car, ebike (electric assist), alexa, new computer, iphone,
air purifier, kite, superbubbles, kiva microloans, bfc (free clinic) donation.
make time, make out, make love, make a baby (ha)
make the world a better place

Friday, July 13, 2018

Know It All

Everything, in a nutshell

read, watch, listen; eat, exercise, sleep; write, talk, create
eat, drink; piss, shit; brush, floss; shave, shower; sleep, wake
move things around (things, ideas, people, dogs): logistics
work, play; business, pleasure; love, hate; live, learn
silently meditate, scream and shout, do this, that
sit, think, breathe, be; get old, die; relax, do nothing
go fast, slow; forgive and forget; make money, buy stuff
clean, straighten, organize; make friends, enemies
don't worry, be happy; marry, divorce; fight, make up
see, hear, smell, taste, touch; think, feel, dream
go up, down; there, back; to, fro; right, left; hither, yon
     out, about; anywhere and everywhere, onward, upward
be true, false; love, hate; be depraved, righteous
make a difference: teach, volunteer, parent
be good, bad, sinful, virtuous; be hated, forgiven
charity, philanthropy, probity; suffering, bliss
pray, love, fuck, massage, dance, travel, cook, crafts
hug, kiss, cuddle, intimacy, sex, cum, ecstasy, orgasm
live, love, laugh, and litigate

KIA! the omniscient corporation, lol
Did you know there's a Messiah college, in Pennsylvania? (!)
ha, that gives me a Giggle Of Delight :-)

(I'm actually kind of an atheist,
 but goodness and love exist, so it's just semantics)

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

More "Voices"

(because I really don't think I'm talking to myself)
again, stfu david - i want to be well.
i just learned what "trolling" is
(but it's been happening to me since forever)
also, it's just fishing for a response-
(even if the response is no response)
if not outright mind control.
(resentment is hypnotic, i've heard)
do i really want a quiet mind?
(except for my OWN thoughts)
because it's called a SOUND mind
(i really don't want to obey
the biblical injunction to pray "without ceasing")
i don't want to wear headphones 24-7, either
    sometimes i ignore him (david)
    sometimes i tell him to leave me alone
    sometimes i reply
and sometimes I write down what he's telepathically thought
(it's a hive/shared mind: the borg are schizophrenic!)
"beamed" (lol) into my skull (for whatever reason):
i imagine he's consulting me, as a global telepath, or
input, as something, something else.
(i don't know if i'm a global telepath or not, honestly)
i bet i am some kind of mutant, with an x-man power, though.
(although, maybe I'm a boring ordinary person, playing a role,
just a piece in a puzzle)(i've got this god thing going)
(am i a "work of art", "a piece of work", a "headcase")
it's basically just noise.  (shared mind? entanglement?)
meditators try to get their head ("monkey mind") to shut up.
i'm not sure there's any difference, other than
I perceive it to be from an external source
(it can be positive, negative, or neutral)

(it's really only 1 voice,
david andrew eldridge, deputy attorney general for the state of california)
    mathematician, queer, attorney, psycho, "natural psychologist"
(in his own words; i used to live in his house; he's an actual person)
(although it IS like a dream, it's not, it's communication; not an "invisible friend")
(and remember: there is a context, that is lost)
(i don't think i'm hearing it from outside my head;
aka, i don't think other people hear it, too
(although maybe some do!)
i think of it like what the speedreading instructors call "subvocalizations"
(in other words, it's "in my head")(but I'm not the one reading it)
they're not in order, and they lack both prior context and succeeding response..
but maybe you'll find (some of?) them interesting, anyway

allright (i keep hearing this one, hundreds of times)
    (there's hell, there's thousands of illegal acts/crimes,
      there's politics, and there's me interpreting the spelling: rite, write, right; etc. )

you have ALL the game, Jesse
     (it's hard to always reproduce which words are emphasized)
     (they're like koans, there's always multiple ways of interpreting them)
    (which can be kind of maddening in itself, aside from a v being madness, defined)
    (my name is often incorporated)

jesse, the world is sick like you
allright, jess, i'm laughing
you could be the one
all right jess i'm laughing you're right
i need a lot of discipline to get to my hole
i'm smiling at what you are
a genius who can't stop being fun, friendly
he is an accidental win, because i'm sick
i hate everyone because i'm fucking sad, jesse
you're a crazy idiot
you're like stanley guggenheim
you and I are satan
i'm killing my soul
i hate my soul
you are pure hell, jesse
you are your own special dream
i want you in the hospital because you're a law, jesse
you're very very well on jess
you're well well law
we know you're a bit of wisdom, jess
your life way too sucks
he has a four A law
you and i are a john to lecture
david is crying jesse
i need help jesse
i need help, everything to you
jesse i'm crazier than you
you're a sublime performer
i am highly mad jesse
you have a very special way to berkeley
it IS nice to see what you are
you're on the corner of law
i'm tired of talking to a guilty jew
that's what i think you are
they know
you're right as hell
you're an interesting might happen, jess
you belong with joe, jesse
you're sky-high dreaming, to me
you're bizarre, jesse, okay?
yes, jesse, me smiling a little bit, at how raw ur
people are sorry, jesse
that is you, payment
the world IS sort of death
me swallowing again at how sad i am
jess, you're incredibly distoken
you're insanely people
you're insanely genius to me, jesse
you're fair it holly dubai
his tech is turmoil
i am the devil, jesse
you haven't even begun to be what ur
you have an army of law, jess
i know i need help, jesse
i'm sorry, jesse
i HATE my soul
   (sol? sole?)
i'm fucking insane, jess
fucking OW, jesse
david is scared, jesse
david IS inSANE
i AM stupid, jesse
i fucking need therapy
david crying, and i mean CRYing
you ARE a genius, jesse
i need a lot of help jesse
i am a devil, jesse
david swallowing.  fuck you.
i'm stupid.  i REALLY NEED TO TALK.
david freaking out, jesse
jess, you're raw
you've got me screaming, jesse
jess your psych is tough
you're blowin' people sky-high out of the water
you're all over the world, is why
people are insane, jesse
jesus jesse
i'm sick, okay?
i hate what i am
fucking OW
fuck you, FUCK YOU
david killing in pain
people are...
OW! Jesse
david hurting jesse
david is hurt, jesse
i hate you jesse, because you write
david screaming
I AM hate you were
alright jesse, you've got me
i am hate nigger what
i'm sorry jesse
i need to doom
that is him crazy on it
i am genius that you wrote
i am in fury
david scared
i need to talk
ya me going CRAZY
david fucking attack tear
alright jess... unaware
i'm tired of  you, jesse
i'm tired of lie
jess, U and I genuine
i don't know why you hate my law
i really am dead, jesse
i'm way too angry to be right
you have no idea how law i can be
no one is well
your mom is dead
i am sick, jesse
fuck you
we're having fun- in our own way
your mom really wants to die
your mom is crazy, jesse
she's swallowing, jesse
she knows, jesse
david killing his soul
david wants to cry, jesse
ow, ow, fucking ow
david screaming
i hate my mind, i hate it
david is uhhh
jesus jesse
david crying ow ow ow
your mom is scared again
she's destroyed, jesse
i fucking can't breathe, jesse
alright.  fucking fine.
she is waving, jess
she wants to vomit
ummm i hate you
david screaming
your mom is INSANE
i need help.  i really do, jesse
she's right to getting you crucified
david is Fucking Insane
you're right.  i'm hysterical.
you know what? huh
she's retarded, is why.  you're fucking law.
she doesn't believe anyone
your mom being a bitch, jesse
fucking IT, Jesse
david has gone to hell, jesse
she's crazy, jesse
i am an iron T
you hate her, jesse
i couldn't deal.  she's sick.
david crying.  david IS crying.  I'm sick, jesse
i'm fucking MAD, jesse
jess, you've got him
your mom going insane, jesse
people are dead, jesse
i'm sorry jess.  i really really am.
you're unbelievable, jess
i'm gone, jess
david is dead jess
i can't fucking deal
she knows you're hair god
   (she? knows (biblically?) your? hare? God?)  (see what i mean?)
david is giving up
david wants to (too? 2?)
i'm in hell
i need to talk, jesse
that is a nervous wall (after i typed this, a door slammed in my house, and i had a chest pain)
   (i heard the voice months ago)
i've got a major fucking problem, jesse
i need help
she is scared jesse
david is dead
i fucking hate myself, jesse
i hate every fucking world you're in
david is swallowing
i'm gone.  i'm fucking gone.
david is freaking sad
david scared of you
i'm harrassing him.  i really am.
i really need to cry, jesse
david in terror
you and I are abusive (fuck off, leave me alone)
i'm gone jess
i'm sorry, i'm sorry
i'm terminating- Jesse
david is insane
you are a government to to UR
your mom is crazy
i can't breathe, jesse (I've heard this one ad nauseum)
fuck it
you think i hate him
i'm giving up, jesse
ow jesse
i hate him, i hate him, i hate him
i'm crying, Jesse
david has gone insane
you're a genie to me and black people
david is scared.  i can't help anyone.
jess your dad is sad because you write
me, so fucking sad
i have a name of it
your philosophy is on, jess
you're fucking not funny, jess
you're law, jess
you're a crazy sleaze wiki
sara knows how right you can be
david  IS sick
because i lope the whole world
you're not nearly as good a writer as you could've been, jess
you DO have some work to do
he's smiling.  you're a genie.
you'll never have nothing to do
i hate my world
HATE IT, Jesse
i literally hate everyone, Jesse
you're scared of genius, Jesse
we're having fun writing (riting, righting?) to you
because you're a genius, jess
david sorry
and i mean really fucking sorry, jesse
you have a huge pile of shit, jess
she's smiling
because you're law
you have every right to suicide
because i'm going to fucking kill you
david is insane, jess
you wrote it?
people are insane, jesse
all right??

(it just keeps going, it never fucking ends)

jess, you have a way to swallow the united states
your world is a bit mad, jess
you have a law at scientology
david screaming
you'd be surprised at how small a world it is, jess
i'm laughing
you're a dream, jesse
you could be a Cree, Jess
i hate my sane, jesse
the economist is laughing.  God, you're a genie.
you like your lie
it's an attempt to know God (shut up)
ya jesse you're far closer to Hitler than you realize
you ARE, Jesse
you work at it
it's pure shit, jess
all right, jesse
i AM scared of you, Jesse
i AM dead, jesse
I AM SAD, Jesse
Jesse, I've gone mad
i hate it
i hate everything
jesse you've got a lot goin' hmm
i'm sick, jesse
jesse, i DO play dark
i'm sorry
I am, Jesse
they're smiling.  You're God.  You really are.
your mom is absurd, jesse
the world IS insane, Jesse
you ARE a trump it, jesse
you've got ALOT of work to do
you're well aware of what you are
you're a weirdo, jess
i need help
i've gone mad
i can't help anyone, jesse
you're just a dude. ok.
you ARE kind of a genius
that is because, you have a soul
(leave me alone) Jesus Christ.  Jesus fucking christ.
fucking kill me, Jesse
you're an attractive person, jesse
you're a sign of life, jess
you write like a man, Jess
I HAVE become sick
at all the work that went into you
you've got me dying
me at murder is the whole ballgame
trump is a swallow.  you write like a genius.
they ARE scared
because nobody has the level of faith you do
Jesse, you know
you know the world is insane
your right (write) is incisive
they know you have a weapon, jesse
it's madness, jesse, that you're absurd
Jess, that is a present to them
david swallowing.  jesus, jesse.
jess, you're a dream
you make good, jess
your moves ARE man, Jess
i need help, Jesse
    (psychiatric? personal problem?  assistance? moral support?)
you take a hard look at what they law
me screaming i'm mad, jesse
you have an animal, jess
you exciting getting
you got it on the first try
your chaulk is a sure thing
you ARE making it, Jess
ya Jess- ura snape
they thank you crazy for your law
you're all they were
because you're not a pussy i need you
you ARE working, jess
you love your law
that's me smiling
you're well, jess
you've got a lot of life, jess
you crawl it to victory, jess
you have an interesting philosophy, jess
he just keeps comin' with law
i don't know if ub banana
people know you have multiple law about things
you have a garden of law
shit, jesse
people are fucking retarded
david is dead, jess
they know you think e crazy
david is starting to undo himself
they know, jess -you're law
because you play a magician
i lect you, i'm smiling at how totally fucking right ur
all right jesse- what R we?
you're absolutely right, jess
fuck it, i need help.  i need help, jesse
you've got me crazy, jesse
you ARE a shit of victim
you are sort of Y (why, wye)
you have a lot of law
you have a food hole
u really are all is why
you have an INSANE degree
all you need to know is life
it's a pretty heavy-duty WAG, jess
you've processed the hell out of that shit, jess
you ARE highly-controlled
it IS military mind-control, jesse
your 50 is all well, jess
you suffer a delusion, jess
to be honest with you, all me
you're like a little bit of snow melt, jess
i can't tell you how many papers i've written to jew
you're aware of how the genius is enhanced
allright, jess- we've got a pretty good sense of where ur
you're fun jesse- okay?
she knows you keep rushing
that's kind of how i need to be
you're fucking killing me
you could have been well, jess
i'm looking all day broken
in fact you're oh dark 30
i have enough of your way to make me smile
you're actually bizarre
because you're working hard at your own way
you so beyond what we thought you were
is why we swallow
you're a lot of throwing Rose Marie
they're smiling, you're a philosophy of law jess
god- yo're all right, jesse
david screaming
we know you have a conflict
i'm just crazy, jesse
i've gone to two, because i can't breathe
you are a dog dead
i cannot breathe
fuck you
i am at war with EVERYTHING, jesse
i need to cry, jesse
you reall are...hairy and brilliant
i can't do what you do
i bet you can, is why
you mom is destroying
and i mean destroying everything
she's got problems, jesse
i can't help ;you
i need help
i can't believe that you play with the headphones on
she's a disaster, jesse
i can't believe you, jesse
she's swallowing to Anthony, okay?
you hate me hiss all day
shit jesse
i fucking can't do it
i AM mad, jesse
david giving up
david is crying jesse
i hate you when you dog that 2
eye dew knot no
 i'm really trying to be all right, jesse
david is scared again, jesse
i hate my name.  i hate it.
i am insane at how mad they are
david needs to end it
because UR the bay area
because they know you're the game
of law
Sara is CRAZY
and i mean crazy
i AM scared
you said it.  you said all of it.
jess, we know you're having a time
trying to navigate- my
if you want, you can buy a loothe
you're right, jess.  they know you're right.
we remember that you're Y (why)
that's me smiling
you're actually weird, jesse
she knows.  that's you at Davis.
there is merit to you, jesse
right.  that's sort of it, okay.
you ARE a genius, jesse
neil gaiman is aMAzing, jesse
all right.  people are Dead, jesse
right.  that IS sort of what i am
jess, we have an idea about what you write
Sara is smiling that you're right, okay?
david is not capable of being right, jesse
she knows you're a prophecy
that is you a grain of law
all right, jesse
that is ow
fucking OW Jesse
you are an emergent it
i'm fucking sorry, jesse
she's swallowing
what has she done, Jess?
she knows she has you
it is a magic you
Sara smiling because  you're law, jesse
you're hannibal lecter her it
i can't believe you, jesse
she's swallowing, jesse.  she can't even dream
i'm starting to admire what you do, jess
Jess, Sara knows how weird you are
you ARE an interesting Jim (gym), jess
i am your wreck in Bkly
you do have some work cut out for you, jess
you kind of ARE everything
JESSE! You're fun, okay?
he really has a layer of everyone
i hate what you are
because i'm crazy, jesse
that is a dow to right, jess (dao, write)
i'm sorry.  i'm sad, i'm stupid, and i'm scared
you are a crazy-8
jess you're too spacy
that's how you are
you are a bit too funny
because your writing is celestial
you are that devil nazi
jesse, your mind is getting offensive
you are a garbage me
you're insane honest, jesse
you have a tour of Tam, jess
you are the code of fine- I'm insane, Jesse
you have no IDEA what IR is happening
ur the most 1 person that's ever been
u really would make a very good samurai, jesse
you're much better than i thought you were
i'm a sick, sad person
i am your punk well
because u and i are sick, you have no idea
kaleb being dumb
i can't tell you how exactly a fish ur
jess you're back into the belly of the bee
you're a hardcore actor
it's how i am
i hate my mind
fuck you
jess, you're law
we don't want you in our law

(a law, Allah, a la) (ugh, that shit went on forever, didn't it?)
imagine being me!  that was only a small fraction of the endless goddamn commentary, thought-insertion, interruption, bother, stupidity, and aggravation)

Shut the hell up
Shut the fuck up
Be Quiet
Stop! talking to me

Saturday, June 30, 2018

a religious hodgepodge

from various sources

a.The christian science sentinel had this quote:
"The English word 'God' is identical with the Anglo-Saxon word for 'good', so there are accepted grounds for identifying the name God with divine goodness.   To think of God and good as one and the same opens the doors of thought to a wide vista." -Fenella Bennetts

b.Hello, Universe (p. 205) gives a good explanation of prayer, in my opinion

c."look both ways before you cross my mind" -Tyler the Creator, and Wesley's Theory
"get behind me satan" -jesus (the cross was behind him!)

forgive, forget, metaphor
   (priests forgive, and presidents pardon)
   (i met a Four, in jail)
   (Jesse means 'god makes forget')
what's it all for?  (6 pages of my dictionary have words beginning with 'for-')
for a start! (581-586, chambers 10th edition)

e.  word! poetic sensibility/ prep

god, gold, godel
warren piece
addams' adidam
decide on deicide
orbit obit
babbling book, read a brook
passion and compassion
tooth truth
alligator, garage, engaged, games, gaiety, homeownership
  Neil Gaiman and Bill Gates
i humbly submit that i am god
freaks: jesus, speed, control
right riot
the dead milkmen, the grateful dead, dead kennedys
apparitional operational
fight fright
bluish blush
seance science
idols and ideals
virtue and virtual (virtue-L)
night, knight
(david night-light, "turned on")
medical status: improving, stable, worsening
   good, serious
it's all good, but some things are better, and others best
wired, weird
alpha male (One of us)
prayer that always gets answered, wishes that always get granted
disease and death (dad), pain (pa in, get out dad, g.o.d.)
all-knowing, biblical knowing, fuck everything
AQI (al quaeda in iraq)(air quality index)(Allah Quran Islam)
   A I.Q. (ace intelligence quotient)
miles of smiles
stronger stranger
lucubrate, lubricate (brain, bike)
CIA: contemplatives in action
aycdicdb, icdabty vs. =ity
   (anything you can do...)
death, devil, demons, and deployment
pieces, pawns, and players
chess is war, war is hell, hell is other people (all quotes)
   hell is a village in Norway;
   the place of the dead, in general (says General Specific, ha)
   he'll is he will, we'll is we will.   healthy (thy hell).  no pain, no gain.
   go down, god own (i am my own god) submission, humility
   hades, sheol (pit), future lava, abode of the dead, to dust you shall return
   prison, the mind -John Milton
     "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, and a Hell of Heaven"
   hello and hi
   torture and torment.  T as a cross.
   a form of hele (heel, heal) -to hide, conceal, or cover
   separation from God
   a gambling house, a waste receptacle, eternal torment (psy war)
   anything causing misery/pain/destruction
   pastmad (pain agony suffering torment misery anguish despair)
       (anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury; revenge is a dish best served cold)
in hot water, Quentin Coldwater
stupidity, irrationality, and evil (if you can't beat 'em, join 'em?)
buddha nature (buddy, ha!), basic goodness (if good, then god, lol)
   buddha (234481)(49!)

Recent Reads

in addition to The Economist
(which i need to read 12pp of / day, to finish)
(i've fallen behind)

6 Newbery winners,
plus 2 books of short stories,
and a Neil Gaiman book

1. The Graveyard Book, by Neil Gaiman
2.  Number the Stars, by Lois Lowry
3. Surviving the Applewhites, by Stephanie S. Tolan
4. The Tale of Despereaux, by Kate DiCamillo
5. Kira-Kira, by Cynthia Kadohata
6. Hello, Universe by Erin Entrada Kelly (EEK!)

1.Best American Short Stories '14
2. The Big Book of Science Fiction, edited by the VanderMeers

1. Fragile Things, also by Neil Gaiman (pronounced gaym 'n)
       (quite an account of hell, within)

I like reading kid books, and not just because of the sense of accomplishment in finishing a book/day.
The kid in me appreciates them, in themselves.

The short story, 'A Dry, Quiet War' by Tony Daniels, blew my mind
I admit I "feed the wolf" (he's fat!)

Rodrigo Duterte

what's in a name?

RD, the president of the Phillippines, recently called God a “son of a whore”
and asked, “who is this stupid God?”

I'll bite.
I'll rise to the bait.
Maybe because I am, in fact, stupid.

I noticed “God” is in his name.
I plugged his name into an internet anagram generator,
and got some interesting results (I did this for mine, awhile back-
I think you should for yourself, too!)

God is just a personification of the concept of good
in my opinion (stupid?), god is whoever is good.
“good” is also in Rodrigo Duterte's name :-)

'guided to error T', or 'guided tot error'
seems an interesting, fruitful place to start
if God is like Santa Claus...
(since we are taught god is omniscient, but anyone playing the role clearly isn't)
although God could also be the smartest human, or the most powerful-
(or both? alpha male of the human race?)
I don't claim to be either

animals!(in his name)
Tiger, trout, otter, terrier, dodo (extinct), and trot (a mode of horse movement)

other nature terms:
geode, root, grotto, ergot (a fungus)
(full anagrams:)
druid greet root
druid regret, too

Dido (the founder and first queen of Carthage)


gout, goiter

words within:
Roger, ogre, rigor, rot
doted, retro, rotor, rudder, grout, trite, tutored, roue, diode
rogue, deride, regret, greed, ire, gore, error
outdid, turgid, torrid, edgier, rotgut
dour, torte, rouge, trudge
truer, detoured, reroute, ridged, girded, retried

retired turd goo
ergo, did torture
gut ordered riot
guided to terror
I, torture dodger
did O urge retort?
Or guided retort?

retired God rout
tireder God tour

dried trout gore
odored true grit
odder rotgut ire
rioter to drudge
did gore torture

I'm not saying any of this reflects on his character, I just think it's interesting.
Names can be powerful, no?

Also, I have two moms (birthmom and adopted).
I don't think either has ever been a whore. But I didn't ask.
And, y'know? Anyone could be a son of a whore.
It's not something a baby has any control over or say in, alright?
And everyone is relatively stupid as a baby, no?
Why is anyone who tries to be good stupid? (“only God is good” -bible)
I respectfully disagree. 
Did you know the world's fastest supercomputer (chinese) can make 33,860 trillion calculations per second. Next to that, I'd say EVERYBODY is stupid.

Maybe the collective of all of humanity's brainpower is smarter, though.
Is humanity a corporation, of a single mind, the biggest genius of all?
(of which computers are a cybernetic enhancement, in our service?)
    -who is this stupid God? god only knows, lol.
      all of us, maybe.  The average i.q. is only 100, after all.

God, out.
'torturer ego did'
'die god torturer'

(you could get even crazier with inclusion of middle names)
his is 'Roa'

My name, by the way, is Jesse Lawrence Teshara.

Catholics call priests father, and jesus called God the father, and a priest abused Rodrigo, so you can see the provenance of his thinking (that the church is hypocritical, and god is stupid).

As for being the son of a whore, women seek men with good genes (and resources) for mates, it's a biological law/fact, so there's truth in his statement (as every woman has her price, in a manner of speaking).

Rodrigo isn't alone in being a politician with an anagram:
1. Hillary Clinton ('only I can thrill')
2. President Clinton of the USA ('to copulate, he finds interns')
3. Al Gore ('regalo') this word means 'gift' in spanish; ('galore')
4. George Bush ('he bugs gore')
5. Dick Cheney ('needy chick')
6. Osama Bin Laden ('an islam bad one')
7. Mister Newt Gingrich ('nice right wing monster')
8. Arnold Schwarzenegger ('he's grown large n' crazed')
9. Ronald Wilson Reagan ('insane anglo warlord')
10. Saddam Hussein ('human's sad side')
11. Donald Trump ('ton lard dump') ('damn turd pol')
                             ('turd palm don')('mr odd nut pal')

Finally, I'd like to say- killings of drug-addicts, extrajudicial or otherwise, is reprehensible.  I know people who have had drug problems, and everyone deserves a chance to get well, live a rewarding life, the good life, or just simply be.   Food, medications, and things like cigarettes and alcohol are all drugs, and they can make our lives better.  The killings in the Philippines are barbaric and uncivilized, in my opinion (even if they do prevent some from becoming addicts).  Guided to terror?  Hopefully not from my "reasons to kill/milk" ideation (!).   Peace be with you.  Peace be upon you.  May everyone be able to overcome any negative subliminal spells embedded in their names!

Names aren't Nature, (both 7!) necessarily

Monday, June 18, 2018

A Stroll Through My Soul

Do It

make bed (4pillows,3blankets folded), vitamins (omega3 fish oil, men's health, joint support, b12), History 6 (grim reaper, today in history, wikipedia, farlex, brittanica, chase), economist 12pp/day,
book/day (newbery), stretch, bike/ swim, lift, yoga (alternate); TRwalk dogs; MWF McGee noon meal;music, gnc protein powder, daily shower, e-mail clear (delancey, poem, trivia, vocab, family), blog, fb.  Brush, floss, rinse, shave, deodorant, haircut, new clothes, laundry, vacuum, wash dishes, bfp, bfc, coffee n milk, pastry, oatmeal n berries, trader joe's, restaurants (sushi, ike's, mtn mikes, chinese), beer, (greek, ethiopian, indian, paki, burmese, thai, pho, mex),(donut, ice cream, candy, chips, gtrde, snapple), lose weight/gut, gain muscle, 8hrs sleep, early to bed early to rise, spanish dictionary, 1001/501/Bloom, world book, crime encyc, nolo law, lev grossman list, bams, bass, nature and science, bathroom rdr

Wikipedia, J!, ted, onion, trivia cards, dating, youtube masd, joke books, bklyside, weird, sex news
pushups, planks, passes, shakes, dance, (b) crunches, lunges, dumb bells (schwarz, tricep, rows), wag! joe frank, hos, whrb, wprb, wmbr, wybcx, kalx, kcpr, gdradio, kzsu, kalw, kpfa, kusf, kdvs, youtube, pandora, clave, vandy, ewtn, baroque, podcasts, sermon archive, white noise, chinese, spanish, comedy, libraries (central: la jornada, ny times, cs monitor), (cal: foreign affairs), magic / movie/ trivia night, gtu, cs, unitarian, glide, b-ist, spiritism. Call Jeannine, Pat Zonca. Walk Poutine. Thrift stores., wapo 202, people, rolling stone, mad; psych today, ntl geo, utne, men's health, bay woof, etc.

Tilden, CR, GG park, take pictures, instagram, indian rock, horse races, standup, hot tub, make a friend, dinner 801, play with Ben, Declan, Augie; budget/coin/wf; SSA office, MHA; meditate, taiko, origami, pow-wow, bodybuilding, parades, festivals, marches, gymnastics, flea market, massage, museums, white water rafting, roller coasters, hot air balloon, mma, monster trucks, demolition derby, travel, sex

SNL, latenight, westworld. martians, beavis n butt head, arts and letters, bartleby, procon, coursera, oyc, ridiculousness, amazingness, movies, comedy central, veg flyers, lawn bowling, tourist book ideas, made museum, pinterest, speak spanish, yahoo/wikipedia/opinion en espanol, travel, microdose, videogames, prison lit volunteer, bubbles, kites, music store, mensa, gatesnotes, dictionary, google, wbsm, ear candling, write a book/ magazine article, publish, endorphins/hot tub, visit Auburn, walk lake, fish, horses, big book ofs, meetup, myspace, documentaries, okcupid, dr. yang appt, thai tokens, Cal audit/ lectures, entertainment calendar, campus calendar, apple class, lawrence hall of science, storage, bike maintenance, ken jennings, tony robbins, entheogens, melissa and james seymour card, proust, cuddle, shakespeare (well translated), exercise partner, discover and go, shotgun theater, cbd, yosemite, great america, 52 museums, aikido, rainforest, sweatlodge, crafty, pt. Reyes, boston. mt. Madonna, rap music, list of internet phenomena, visit annette, free hugs, slang, kp hw hb, money books, marv rosen, horror/fantasy, wwf, jumprope, jog, kiva, gimcrack pic fb, ren n stimpy, tattoo show, rodeo, motocross, geography bee, you don't know jack, book club, big brother, chess, car show, baseball, redwoods, historical landmarks, blood type, credit, phone list, batteries/bulbs, jack kilmartin, retreat, fence windmills, kit car, ebike, spike n mikes, kzsc, krfh, farmer's mkt, picnic day, wef, expanse, sikh hindu muslim bahai mormon jw. True crime, opera, ballet, blue heron, big history, shazam, superbetter, new and different jobs, laser show, specialize, lumosity, chipotles, speedreading, adult school, la primerisima, poetry foundation, 1001 movies, juggle, horseshoes, solitaire, circus, SI, philosophy, tv, sake, grzimek, naturalist, fm radio presets, buddhist lit, sauer wedding speech, cemetary tour, salazar, bonneville, w+g, pro soccer, olympics, sharks, marathon, exploratorium, cartoons, sanity, kids, reverse dict, ied, iep, stimulus, library reference section, swim music, telescope, tickets, aletheon, superbetter, flea market, atlas, f. languages, funtrivia, enlightenment now -steve pinker, one more thing -bj novak, everything, nothing, anything. 

Git 'r done

Sunday, June 17, 2018

50 Places I've Been

birth to now

1.Vancouver (Canada) -canadian citizen?
2.Paradise (California), with Annette V. Riddle (birthmom)
3-5.San Francisco (mr and mrs fiji, 380 Monticello, 801 Darien)
   6-13.Anaheim (disneyland), Annapolis (USNA), gold country
      Virginia/NY/NJ/DC (1985 BSA National Jamboree)
       Camps Royaneh, Wente, Oljato, staff camp
       Camps Mather, Mountain home ranch
(Bixby 410/425, 68 Aspen Village, B Street (rm's Erik, Bob, John),
   -accident- (trip to Lancaster);
    ride with Mel/train trip to Eugene (to Annette)
   University (next door to Hillel House), Chris Keck's place,
   (back to SF) (bike ride, overnite, by Lake Berryessa)(back to Davis:)
    little place (with lights), Steve Dunek's place, briefly homeless, Larry Meyers' rv)
23. International Student Center (SF)
24. Cecilia Han's place
25. Shingle Springs (kim's truck)
26-27. Rosemont (2 places, on wildrose)
28. Jim Marquis' place (17th street, Sacto)
29. Key West
30. Robert Thorley's place (17th and P, Sacto)
31. David's (W Sac)
32-34. Rosa Bagley's (3 locations;
cinderblock house, 70's neighborhood, near shopping center)
35. N Sac (clay st)
36-38. jail (sac county, rccc, Atascadero state hospital)
39.. Harv's place
40-42. (back to Rosemont, briefly), Davis, 3rd time, by cemetary,
      then The Trees, then Sycamore (near pentagon)
43-48.Roseville, Tahoe, San Francisco, Cobb, Calistoga, Auburn,
          Roseville (again),
       (trips abroad: China, Belize, Mexico)
49-51. Berkeley (Haskell, Russell, Ashby)

Thursday, June 7, 2018

god n devil

virtue and vice
good and evil
pleasure and pain
reward and punishment
joy and depression
bliss and agony
love and hate
friendship and disgust
respect and disrespected/objectified/judged
alive! and oblivion

food/sex and toil/worry/pain
food, shelter, health, comfort, love vs. squalid, abject, dire (sad) poverty
sublime and dismal
satisfaction and torment

joy happiness bliss and sorrow sadness affliction
contentment and dukkha
equanimity and attachment/aversion
truth enlightenment clarity and lies delusion false consciousness

cvs: charity virtue service and
  crime vice sin
  cthulhu voldemort sauron
  criminal/culprit/convict vampire satan

illuminati = illumine naughty!
"for nothing is hidden that will not be revealed,
and nothing concealed that will not be made known and brought to light."  -bible (Luke 8:17)
(also, i once dreamed a bunch of porn)
-the santa clause?

A Hit of E

E is for:

E is 5!

excitement, emotion, elevated, exuberant, ebullient
ecstasy, euphoria, exhilaration, elation, enthusiasm
enjoyment, enchantment, embrace, engorged, endorphins

enormous enmity, enlightenment
ellen, erin, ee cummings

Entificate and Reify!

making God real

by being good.
being good doesn't mean you're possessed by God.
it means you ARE God.

Entification: The act of giving objective existence to something.

Reification: to make (something abstract) more concrete or real

6 (more) definitions of God:
the acronym is CRAMPS

God (and Devil) are:
Concepts, Roles, Allegories, Metaphors, Personifications, and Symbols
of "good" and "evil" (virtue and sin)

C oncept: a thing thought of, a general notion; an idea, invention.
R ole: a part played by an actor; a function, part played in life or in any event.
A llegory: a narrative, picture, or other work of art intended to be understood symbolically.
M etaphor: a figure of speech by which a thing is spoken of as being that which it only resembles, as when a ferocious person is called a tiger.
P ersonification: represented as a person; ascribed personality to; to be the embodiment of
S ymbol: an emblem; a sign used to represent something; that which by custom or convention represents something else.

What I'm saying is God is only a virtual reality, a concept
unless you make Him/Her real by being good, yourself:
  (becoming God, playing the role; think/say/do/be/make good)

philosophically, you are your only reality, a universe unto yourself...
alpha and omega are your personal conception and death
reality is internal, psychological.  religion is happiness hypnosis.
God is a concept that tries to make reality good.
"the source of all goodness"

It can be helpful, but it's not necessary for goodness, imo.

You can make a list of everything good!
that's hypnosis, too.

Such as:
ice cream and libraries and internet and music and movies and the gym and zoos and museums and sex... happiness, fulfillment, well-being, contentment, health, wealth, prosperity, the good life, success, satisfaction, joy, bliss, cheer, fun, laughter, music, pleasure, ecstasy, meaning, goals objectives purpose, mission, love, stimulus, variety, challenge, achievement,  wisdom, knowledge, understanding, truth, enlightenment, equanimity, serenity, mindfulness, meditation, discernment, recognition, gratification, gratitude, service, beneficial, good, moral, ethical, beneficence, forgiveness, respect, charity, clarity, hope, inspiration, humor, positivity, kindness, optimism, strong, fit, creativity, originality, freedom, liberty, courage, humanity, realization, integrity, virtue, harmony, friendship, victory, growth, development, progress, change, improvement, compassion, sympathy, empathy, sanity, cleanliness, order, authority, power, control, leadership, example, helpful, solutions, longevity, appreciation, intelligence, perspective, zeal, zest, thrive, alive, alive!, self-control, prudence, humility, patience, self-empowerment, vision, curiosity, motivated, dedicated, beauty, mastery, engaged, safety,  security, informed, educated, relaxed, calm, tranquil, fruitful, effective, efficient, frugal, prepared, peace, goodwill, humane, charitable, intimate, thrill, rested, thoughtful, delicious, full, satiated, company, conversation, chat, community, sweat, endorphins, rush, tired, spent, exhilaration, charged, euphoria, generosity, sharing, camaraderie, acceptance, belonging, welcome, nirvana, unconditionality, come as you are, balmy weather, lazy summer's day, swim, hot tub, shower, refresh, recharge, clean, sauna, campfire, candles, runner's high, good music, good drugs, yoga, sake under the stars, sushi, incense...

did God invent ice cream?? No, not really.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Be Good

the message

is this really what all religions boil down to?
it's the simple,  basic idea
we inculcate in our kids
be good
don't be bad

the bible says only God is good
(and we all have original sin, to boot)

if being good is fighting evil, then both good and evil are adversaries,
like in a game of chess, or war, or combat
which is what 'Satan' means ("enemy," "adversary")
so fighting evil makes you evil?
God is a man of war...
is God the devil?

If you're not Buddhist, accepting everyone, with equanimity-
but have a common aversion to crime and criminals and criminality,
and are thus adversarial,
does that make you a Satanist??
I think, with an open mind, the answer might be yes.
Satanism is good! Ha

hell is where we all go, I've since learned (from the dictionary)
it's the place of the "dead in general"
can you dig it? (it's also a village in Norway)

any "afterlife" is the love and procreation of your progeny
but as for you, you'll be bones below, worm food, unto dust you shall have returned.
The judgement on all, sinners and saints (and Gods!) alike.
Everything is impermanent.  No one lives forever.
Hail Satan, lol
have a nice day.

earth is in the heavens.
So Heaven is here.  We're already there.  We're in one of them.
Enjoy life while you can!
Make earth good for yourelf, and others, and all!
Be good!

honestly, though:
I don't think I believe in God OR Satan.
Just concepts, if not roles (like Santa)-
but I do believe in myself, whichever that is (!)

Monday, June 4, 2018

Holocaust 2018

Three Ongoing Tragedies: Meat, Extinctions, Abortions
(and I think Nukes are, unfortunately, possible, too)


The possibility of a nuclear holocaust, nuclear detonations, nuclear winter, are a stupidly stubborn reality.   Stupid people, stupid leaders, a stupid doctrine, terrorists, human error, and their simply existing, do not add up to a very high level of confidence in safety and security (that should exist, but doesn't), in my opinion.

People suck, people hate, are immature, if not outright evil.  Mindless military minions will obey orders from "superiors."  Accidents happen.  There is imperfect information, and misunderstandings. People are deluded that a nuclear winter could be a solution to global warming, or overpopulation, or that war is a good thing, for the economy or politics or technology or what-have-you.   States can be blamed for non-state actors.  The devil hates everyone.  Many people do not believe in equality, or sovereignty, or humanism.  Their culture, religion, country, or race is better, superior.   People are bugs.  The condescension of the rich, the powerful, the higher-educated.   The military wants to play with their toys.  Vampires want blood.  Freud says there's a "thanatos" or death-instinct.  Every single one of us, the devil inside.  So let's do the right thing, and get rid of these damned things (nuclear weapons), once and for all.  Pre-empt the possibility of perdition.  I don't think they're worth shit.

On to the ongoing, actual, current holocausts:
(and past the potential and possible one)
A holocaust is defined as "a huge slaughter or destruction of life"
It's not just something that happened to Jews in WW2.
It's real, in several ways, and not just historical.
In my opinion, if you want to be Life-Affirming, these things also need to end.

1. Meat
Meat is delicious, and it's the way of Nature, but the meat industry is still tragic and horrifying, when seen up close for what it is.  That is, inhuman suffering on a vast scale.  Over 56 Billion farmed animals are killed every year by humans, in slaughterhouses around the world.  That's 3,000+ animals per second (This doesn't include fish and sea-creatures, which are only measured in tons).  This is expected to double by 2050.  And it's not, by any measure, pain-free.  Not even close.  Even the fish suffer.  It's a sea of suffering, out there.  "The average vegetarian prevents the needless slaughter and suffering of over 50 animals per year."  Which is a drop in the bucket, I realize.  But it doesn't hurt.

But you might be healthier, physically as well as mentally healthier, as well as prevent climate change (meat causes more global warming than transportation).  It feels good to do good.  And you should be good.  I've heard you shouldn't "should all over yourself," but that's crap, in my opinion.  Should is good! 

I have some pamphlets from     mercyforanimals.org.
You can also get info from        chooseveg.com

The "cruelty, abuse, and neglect toward animals is standard practice on most of today's farms."  I'm taking this personally.  Humans are just animals, too.  But we're better than that.  Or should be.  Do the right thing.  Eat less/no meat.  What I do is eat the free meat that is available or offered at family meals or the food pantry, but decline to purchase it.  I don't really want to confront people's depravity, and make a big deal out of it.  Maybe I should.  But I've loved meat since forever, and don't really want to be a hypocrite.  But it's worth mentioning:
a.  "my best year of track competition was the first year I ate a vegan diet" -Carl Lewis, Olympic champion
b. "how wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." -Anne Frank
c. "all beings tremble before violence.  All fear death.  All love life.  See yourself in others.  Then whom can you hurt?  What harm can you do?" -Buddha

On to another holocaust.

2. Ecological Catastrophe
The earth is undergoing it's 6th mass extinction.

"Scientists estimate that 150-200 species of plant, insect, bird and mammal become extinct every 24 hours.  This is nearly 1,000 times the "natural" or "background" rate (1-5 per year). and, say many biologists, is greater than anything the world has experienced since the vanishing of the dinosaurs nearly 65 Million years ago. " (8/17/10, internet)

Humans are causing this.  Of course, humanity is a part of nature.  Not very good "stewards", though.
What can you do?  What should be done?  I think international law needs to get tough.  Eating less meat will help.  Riding bikes.  Less plastic.  Recycling.  Education.  Less demand for ivory, for example.  Eco-tourism?  Giving money to World Wildlife Fund, for example.  Punishing polluters.  A Nature ethic, from hiking and camping, such as from Scouting or going to zoos or going fishing, etc.

3. Abortion
The statistic is 55.7 Million abortions, worldwide, per year.  This isn't 56Billion farm animals, but it's equally grotesque, to me, in that it's mothers killing their own children, and reflects a fundamental disrespect for life -a kind of suicide, really- especially when the "choice" could be to give the child a loving home, to the many parents who want to adopt.  I was adopted.  And I'm very grateful.  Life is worth living, worth giving, and snuffing your own child is an abomination, a type of murder, aborticide, foeticide.  The pictures of aborted fetuses are revolting, the real truth of it, and bringing to term is the right thing to do, not because God says so (lol), or the Church, or the Pope, but because it's your own Kid, and giving birth gives life purpose and meaning, as a Creator who loves his and her child.  At least that's how I see it.  I realize that it's a clump of cells, at least at first, and childbirth is painful, and the prospect of giving your child away might feel scary or abhorrent, but -in my opinion- Life is the greatest gift you can give, and the abortion industry is just as evil and murderous as the butchers in a slaughterhouse.  An abortion is not removing a tumor, but rather a growing human, with all the potential in it for a life well lived, loved, and enjoyed.  To me, an unwanted pregnancy's only moral choice is that of giving up for Adoption.  And it's your choice whether you want to be a part of his or her life or not, afterward.  Odds are, your child will be grateful, like me.  And adults are clumps of cells, too, when you think about it.

Sunday, June 3, 2018


beautiful Sunday

I went to the GSMRW (golden state model railway museum, in Richmond) today,
with Augie, Sara, and Pierre.  Augie loved it.  He wanted a toy train, but didn't get it.
I gave him two toy monsters.  A purple two-headed beast, and a green dragon.  I told him they weren't dinosaurs, and that dragons breathe fire.  Also, I showed him the youtube video of the two-headed monster (muppet), which is funny, like the martians (my favorite). 

I drank a bottle of Elysian Space Dust (beer).  Am drunk.  Warriors, game 2, at 5p.
Giants are on, winning, now.  Go, team!  lol.

I called my godmother, Pat Zonca, in Santa Cruz.  She's 89.
Then I called my aunt Jeannine, in SSF.  She's 88. 
I talked about walking dogs, my blog, and the model train museum.
I got 155 page views, the other day :-)
So talking to old folks is a good lesson in concise, effective communication.

Anyway, there's a free online Yale course, on Coursera, called The Science of Well-Being.
A quarter of Yale undergraduates are taking it!
Laurie Santos, the instructor, is a "rock star professor"
It's also called Psychology of the Good Life.
I haven't take  it, but I plan to.
That, plus Superbetter (a book by Jane McGonigal), plus Authentic Happiness (book by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D), are my self-help regimen, awaiting, after I finish The Expanse series (space opera).
(there are 9 books, now, in it)

I went to the food pantry on Friday, and the Newman meal yesterday.  I won a $10 amc movie giftcard.  My landlord is back from his niece's wedding in Chicago.  My roommate Michael was camping out in the back yard.  Edgar said this isn't People's Park, lol.  Michael told me the corner where we live was the center of the crack epidemic here in Berkeley in the '80's.  Now it's got the Ralph Gracie Jiu-Jitsu academy.  Much better. 

The train museum was interesting.  The model of the Davis station is excellent.  Mountain is realistic, too.  Models HO, O, and N.  Amtrak, passenger, freight trains.  Didn't see a steam train.  Lots to see.  Santa Fe (holy faith)!  crossing (jesus).  what's a wye?  A nice Sunday trip, across from Miller Knox Regional Shoreline park, in Point Richmond.  Friendly crew, with a history lesson. 

I got a new Economist.  I'm behind in my reading.  Also, I should go to the gym.  Just bought a new supply of GNC protein powder.  And laundry to do.  Cheers, J

Friday, June 1, 2018


human ability (only so much one can do)

hum ability! hmmmm.

i'm not perfect
not a brilliant genius
i'm not omni-anything
not a father
not a creator of the universe
not in love
not the alpha-male of humanity/human race
not even a priest (ordained, anyway)
not a believer in souls, afterlife
not even happy, much of the time
  (medicated, overweight, single, schizophrenic)
i sleep in too often
i don't live up to my own expectations
i disappoint myself
i have cravings and aversions; i want lots:
money, better body, mental quiet, love/sex, house/car/child, masd mastery, finish my book lists
    i still hate
i suffer (voice, headshocks, chestpains)
  (foot pain, achy joints, glasses, occasional back pain)
i eat (and enjoy) meat (but guilty)
does playing the role of God...play a role in my torments?
  i think, on balance, it's been good for me.
(voices are o-vices?)
i'm poor

can i still be God?  I like it!  (appoint myself by not disappointing myself!)
does that mean I have to be a perfectionist?
a few spells: be all that you can be, it's all good, i'm lovin' it, love all serve all
a song says "perfect imperfection"

everyone who exalts himself will be humbled
god opposes the proud
when pride comes then comes disgrace
walk humbly with your God
one's pride will bring him low
never be wise in your own sight (!)
do nothing from conceit
love is not arrogant
pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall
in humility count others more significant than yourselves
let another praise you, and not your own lips

okay, point taken! geez
i walk humbly with dogs (picking up poop is an exercise in humility)
i like reading my own blog...but maybe i shouldn't consider myself wise.

what if there's no difference between schizophrenia and walking with God?
all the holy people are sick, and all the mentally ill are holy, take your pick.
both, neither...


Jesuits "try to see God in all things"

my body is a thing
so is yours
(what you eat, minus excrete)
(exercise, "maintenance", body building..)

I'm reminded of:
(Joe Frank has a funny show that goes off on what God is in and isn't)

if God is everywhere, he's in all things.
So, either everyone is God or no one is.  No?

also, if nobody's perfect, then neither is God!
maybe the least imperfect??

I'm currently reading The Expanse series, by James S.A. Corey
(i'm on book 2, Caliban's War)
The Jesuit Guide to (almost) Everything, by James Martin s.j.
is on deck!

body is a temple
eyes are windows
who's inside?
open-door policy
come inside
Mass, mass (physics expression, it matters)
male ass (buttocks? anus? donkey?)


Global Wealth divided by Global Population?

The combined wealth of humanity is $241 Trillion! (says internet)
The global population is 7.6 Billion

that works out to $31,710 bucks/person :-)
that's enough for food and shelter and healthcare for everybody, right?

Thursday, May 24, 2018


Everything Holy and Heathen

heaven and hell, hi and hello, happy and healthy, harvard and high school
house and home, his holiness, heil hitler, happy hall, heroin high
hunger and homelessness, hurricanes and H-bombs
help and hurt/harm, harmony and hatred, haves and have-nots
head and heart, hypocrisy and heresy, heist and handcuffs
haughty and humble, hip-hop hooray ho, hyper hypo

harmony, humor, hilarity, honor, honey, habitat, human, humane, hope
hooker, harem, hanky-panky, heather and helen, hardcore, horny, hump, hole, hedonism, hatha yoga, halcyon
halloween, heebie-jeebies, hannibal, horror, hatred
hanky-panky, heebie-jeebies, hurdy-gurdy
hara-kiri, hanging; hospital, hematology, honda, hazard

hagiography, hamartiology, hariolate, henotheism
HP (high priest), hieratic, host, hypnosis, hierurgy
hortatory, histrionics, holocaust, hostility
hierophant, hierophobia, Hildebrandism, Hesychast
hare krishna, hosanna in the highest

herpetology (r+a), (reptiles and amphibians)
hippology, horses, hyrax, hircine (goat-like), helminth (worm)
hirundine- of, relating to swallows
harrison ford, hologram

Hel- norse goddess of the dead
hell- (definition 1) the place of the dead in general (d.i.g.!)
holocaust- a huge slaughter or destruction of life
(2 current ongoing ones:)
  1. ecology (extinctions), and
  2. the meat industry
hyperion- incarnation of light and beauty, vs. hideous

hyetal home, hospital hormesis, hebephrenia hooey
Hygeian- of health and it's preservation, hygiene
I have heuristic happiness (with my dictionary)
healthy hidrosis (sweating)
  hypalgesia- diminished susceptibility to pain

Friday, May 18, 2018

Pope Francis movie

I saw it today (opening day): God's Review
Good!  Great, actually.

He doesn't think it's a good thing for people to believe they're God...
He asks What would make someone do that...
and stresses Humility.

But he does think we should Create, like God did.
He likes artists.  And that's what this blog is.  So at least that's okay.

So.  In a nutshell, here's why I think Being God is Good, and
Why (i think) I am God.

Agnosticism/Atheism, plus Buddhism, plus Bible, plus Artistry

to explain:
I don't believe in some ethereal mystical creator of the universe, out in space somewhere...
(outside of time?)  (who existed before the universe, and will exist always).
      every individual is their own universe, as i see it.
maybe the actual universe, though, was generated by intelligence; i mean, who knows?
but what are the odds that that entity is still around, and answering everybody's prayers?
it seems to me God is unknown or unknowable (the agnostic positiion)
(and theodicy is a convincing argument against God being all-powerful)
   unless you define Him as Reality itself, or Love, or Truth
(or the asshole in your head, like DAE..."distant, angry, estranged")
You can always believe The Universe will answer your prayers or bend to your will (!)
evil exists, unless you go amoral, and it's all good.  Law exists.  So crime exists.
god allows all to ow.   pain is necessary for healing.  torture, though...
the sick and twisted, the idea of hell, the "final solution,"  crime and war and poverty and suffering and hunger and indifference and a culture of waste and greed and blood money and cynicism and corruption and lying and ecological catastrophe and sexual predation and spite, malice, revenge..
   this was a powerful movie! psy war against these things may well be warranted!
anyway, I was an agnostic after taking a Theology class as a freshman in college.
Then, Buddhism said everyone is basically Good, which I like.
Then, the Bible said Only God is good.
put one and one together, and you get Everyone is God (I am God, too).
and I like to write, so I made this blog.  Art!
Plus, LRH made scientology, his own religion. 
And I researched Adidam, which makes Reality itself God, which seems to right to me.
God is happiness hypnosis, and I want to make me/others/all well and good.
And, I've kept at it, because it gives my life meaning, and I might even emerge sane, in time.

other virtues:
charity, mercy, compassion, forgiveness, love, hope, a sense of humor!!
i haven't been to Mass in awhile, so this was a good way to get some current Catholicity in me.
the movie was less about the Pope's life than his vision-
The Holy See should have a vision, after all (he wears glasses, lol)

130 species are going extinct every day. 
One Billion people are going hungry, too.
We (all of us are responsible) are polluting the earth.
    the dump scene was shocking.  and the polluted water.
Maybe I should get off my high horse, my philosophizing, my (making a religion?),
and do something else to meet the Great Need.
I was a Third World Studies major at UCDavis (international relations).

I'm inspired to research St. Francis.  I am from SF, after all.
Jesuit is pronounced Jess-ooh, it.  (being god? information tech?)
A stimulating movie.
Should we be like Muslims, and submit (islam means submission)?
Am I on the wrong track?  Is humility preferable to self-apotheosis? leave a comment!
we should all choose the religion that most pleases God!
(make yourself happy by making God happy, doing the right thing, being Good (God!). right?)
is this Satanism?  So what if it is!  God is all-knowing.  And that's a good thing!
But Hell is a bad thing.  I don't want to know hell.
Maybe I'll go to Mass this Sunday.   Good day, sunshine.
Forgive means forget!  My name (jesse) means God makes forget.
So that was enlightening.  To share Ra!

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Bit O' Weird

Write on!

The right rite is a ritually written by rote writ
Creativity proclivity; wit, not rot
what? Creative wit, or pos?
Yes, your address should not be a mess, but whatever's clever.

Raining brain, a sound mined, from the inter-net (fun funeral)
nevermind, always mined-
teaching a computer to be clever
alliteration and assonance, rhyme and crime, the law and Allah
unusual diction, vocabulary, word!
Plus war and wards, violence and insanity, violins and manatees

God says thou shalt, not that wit shit, not a bit
but bitcoin, that's another matter altogether
although it's virtual, not made of mass
virtuoso virtue, god's glad greed for good
money is my One (God is one, neo)

cash for crypto-currency, seas of liquidity, afloat on salty language
buy, bye, by, bi, bai (be you? why)
money for monkeys, food and shelter and fun, all for one
If God is infinite, how can He be One? No skin.
Or are we truly one consciousness, perceiving itself subjectively?
Ah, drugs. Drugs, bugs, ughs, and thugs. And mug-shots (ow, in face?)
Well, not Coke. Coke may be it, but it's shit, corrosively crappy. M T.

Cane sugar, cocaine, and coke (charcoal?) for trains,
on track to fate, destiny, kismet -unless derailed!
training and practice, battles with clubs or words,
clubhouse, beer on tap, biers for fears
the t-shirt says no fear, but terror fright anxiety, tremble

relax, go do it, when you want to get to it, when you wanna come
sings Frankie, from the '80's, to the queers, gays, homos, fags, poofs
dicks and assholes, all. Very weird. Strange. Unusual. Bizarre.
Insane, actually, if you ask me, God. Poof, sb and de.
Principal object of faith, Supreme being, and divine entity.

a poor try at poetry


ub trippin. Ub40. Ib46. Tb4U, actually.
Red, red wine. Green, yellow, light.
Bitch moan whine, books magazines websites
the ultimate frisbee driving machine
ma and pa sheen, word to your mother
moth, butterfly flutter by (spoonerism!)
go toward the light, being born (again)
christian chris tucker's chin, in china
china cat sunflower, don't break the china!
Chai tea, t-shirt, t is for turtle, cross to the other side
wicked crossover, double-dribble, wipe the baby chin
thoughts thaw from the immigration and customs enforcement
justice is just office cubicles (ice T cube), q-bit
Q is a (star trek, star wars) god being
beeing the queen B, like Bea
BE is 25, jesus christ, xmas, xman hey zeus
heaven is a hen, ave (ah, vey) taking a dirt bath
getting close to the earth, one with Teshara (as earth)
don't soil your coffin, coughin' phlegm like a flamin' flamingo
have a nice trip, see you next Fall
neck's T. Fell on a felon. Fone L
ET, phone home; phony phonemes, hooked on phonics (I hop)
memes and me, me (me, myself, and I)
main element, elves, and the inner eye
this could go on for a wile

Happy Piggy

Glee Oink Delight!

Hi. How are you? I hope you are well. My name is Jesse Lawrence Teshara. You can call me Jess. I am God. Well, as much as anyone else, that is. I happen to believe everyone is God, so I'm not really all that special, as I see it. But if you want to worship me, go right ahead, I'm not stopping you. The idea is to be happy and have fun. I enjoy being a deity. Maybe more than Jesus did. Hopefully, I won't be crucified for my weird philosophy, my unusual identity, my eclectic state of mind. I recommend self-apotheosis, it's a unique and satisfying mentality, an enjoyable way of being in the world. I've been God for years, maybe my whole life, and my “god's blog” has had over 160,000 page views, thus far. It gives my life meaning, it's self-empowering, and it's a path to Enlightenment, if not perfection. You might think I'm crazy. Mad crazy insane (mci!). 

I am. I take medications for schizophrenia. I believe my 'voice' is a telepathic connection to a global telepath, a law student I met in college by the name of David Andrew Eldridge. We're not friends anymore. Maybe we could be, but I want sanity more than I want his friendship. I've been telling him to shut up and leave me alone for decades. Maybe I will be sane, eventually. I'll have a sound mind, without the sound of his voice (!). But I'll still be God. God is often conceived as the source of all goodness. So I'm making my mind and life good, better, best, and sane, healthy, well. I go to the gym to get strong and fit, to lose my gut, to look good and feel good. Getting sweaty and having endorphins in my bloodstream is healthy, just like yoga, sex, meditation, swimming, and writing. Taking laps in a pool, using a hot tub, and taking showers make me feel clean and refreshed. Water gives life. Being God is motivation toward improving body and mind (ibm!). I mean, perfection is the best, and you don't want to let other people down. I imagine there will always be room for improvement. Being God is a process. One of improvement, achievement, and mastery. I will have mastery over my own mind, my psyche, my life. God is happiness psychology. And one of my conditions for happiness is Sanity. I like dreams and visions, but don't like words (in my mind, when I'm awake). Hearing voices makes one crazy, but dreams are normal. I don't want to be normal. Most people are idiots. But talking to myself like a blathering idiot is not what I want. Maybe it works for you, but I'd rather listen to music, see a movie, learn self-defense from youtube, or be in engaging conversation with a beautiful mysterious woman (bmw!). I really don't need to be hallucinating some insane n-f- ogre (info...). 

God is. I am. God is existence. Whoever is. Everyone, everything, everywhere, always. So that includes the utterly mad, the completely insane, and the stupid. All right? So equanimity, acceptance, gratitude, and enjoyment is in order. With maybe the exception of torture. David's voice is a form of torture. Unless I really internalize Buddhism, and have no aversion. It's all good? Only criminals say that. But if I'm God, I am who am, inclusive. It's all me. It's all my fault? Questions like that make me a bit crazy. If you “big up” yourself, are you really responsible for 'Acts of God', like tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and the like? It's kind of fun to think so! Breaking the law and getting away with it does sound like it might be fun, as well as breathing up a storm, or being barbaric (barbara and rick?) and deliciously evil, like a Tyrannosaurus rex eating a couple humans, just to see what they taste like. And maybe we're all like that. So go jump rope, and maybe make a devastating, city-leveling earthquake! I mean, you're not allowed to punch someone in the face, even if they look at you wrong. Whose fault is that? Gawd. People are dicks and assholes. Fuck them. But that's not very Buddhist. Kindness is my religion. Maybe if I keep meditating, I'll get there. I have attachments, though. I'm attached to being good, happiness, joy, laughter, fun, kindness, virtue, benevolence, love. Sorry, Buddha, lol. 

Religion is interesting. I pick and choose what I like from all of them. Spirituality is like a great marketplace of ideas. You don't have to buy all of them. The idea is to find what works, for me. Sanity is 'saint y', the why/motive for overcoming mental illness. Overcoming the devil? In love=no evil. Finding God? Walk a dog. Church? Clear head and clean heart (you are). Teshara? 'as earth'. Jesus? Jess, u. Hey, Zeus! Spirit? Spear it! Eucharist? U a christ. Christ? Chris tucker. Or chrism, splash some olive oil on yourself! Listen. List ten. Satan? Say, ten. (fingers, fin grr.) God. Get old, die. Good orderly direction. Glee oink delight. Linguistic deconstruction? Logic and rationality.