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I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 44) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016


stop sign thoughts

stop +5: pots tops post spot opts

from wikipedia:
stop! in the name of love, by The Supremes
surgical termination of pregnancy
strategic operations

wikipedia link

being bad
mean, ignorant, rude
(fat, stupid, ugly, sick, unhappy, selfish, boring)
       (but this is/saying so is- mean, ignorant, and rude!)

wicked, evil, depraved, cruel, brutal, ruthless
immoral, unethical, illegal, criminal, unlawful
sinful, if you believe there's a god's law.

everyone is born ignorant
you can't help being stupid (relatively stupider)
                        or sick/unhappy, sometimes
mean is only human (they even say karma is a law of the universe)
fat-shaming is uncool
rude, boring, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder
there's even "cruel to be kind"
words have mean-ings (ha)

from the secret:
even saying stop being bad is seen as bad (!) - be positive! BE GOOD :-)
is ruthful a word?
some say "it's all good!" (is it, really?)

compassionate or sorrowful. 
causing or apt to cause sorrow or pity. 
feeling remorse or self-reproach.

T + ruthful =truthful (insight into Jesus on the cross?)

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Recent Reads

7 books

The Magicians
The Magician King
The Magician's Land, by Lev Grossman
Sapiens, by Yuval Noah Harari
Guns, Germs, and Steel.  by Jared Diamond
Who Rules the World, by Noam Chomsky
The First Bad Man, by Miranda July (finished today)
(recommended by Sara)

starting (soon): Leviathan Wakes, by James S.A. Corey
(recommended by Pierre)

A Guide for the Perplexed, by Dara Horn (gift from Julie)

My List of a thousand reasons to kill

kill the reasons! (nullify their force/effect)

1. it's fun. thrill kill. excitement (530)
2. you're mad. mad as in angry. anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury. grrr. (45, 855)
3. you're mad. mad as in insane. crazy, nuts, loco, mentally ill, psychotic, schizo
4. you're in love.  true love.  all's fair in love and war.
5. you're an artist. murder is an art.  red is your favorite color.
6. you get aroused by it.  it's an erotic fantasy..
7. you hate the person.  malice.  they are vile. you abominate, abhor, execrate, loathe, and despise them.
8. you hate the class to which the person belongs.
9. you hate everybody
10. you hate yourself.  self-loathing directed outward.
11. you're bored. something to do.
12. they want you to. they're suicidal. they want to die.  they're  begging you for it.
13. entertainment value, society eats it up.
14. you can't help it.  it's what you do. (140)
15. it's in your nature.
16. someone asked you to, a favor.
17. money.  you get paid for it.  hired gun.  hitman. assassin. soldier of fortune / mercenary.  to make a killing.
18. money. theft. cash. items of value, jewelery, clothes, property, drugs.
19. money. insurance, will.
20. you're possessed.
21. getting even. revenge. vengeance.  they hurt you or hurt or killed someone you love.
22. sending a message.
23. religious sacrifice.  sacrificial offering.
24. they deserve it. they have it coming. karma. retribution. (135, 173)
25. you're a vampire.
26. you're a cannibal.
27. you're hungry, and people taste good.  hunger.  carnivorous appetite.  a plentiful source of meat.  a bountiful source of nutrition.
28. you need to.  power. control. domination.
29. it's necessary.  it must be done.  it needs to be done.
30. you're curious what it feels like.
31. you're curious to see if you can do it.
32. you have something to prove to yourself.
33. you have something to prove to somebody else.
34. you have something to prove to everybody.
35. you feel like it.
36. you're god.  you're God.
37. you're the angel of death.
38. you're satan.
39. you're yourself.
40. you're not yourself.
41. you're nobody.  you're nothing.  you're no one.  you're a zero. you're a loser.
42. you're jesus.
43. you believe in something. they don't.
44. you don't believe in anything.  they do.
45. you're pissed off.
46. you only feel alive when you kill.
47. kill or be killed.
48. self-defense
49. pre-emptive self-defense.
50. accidents happen.  drive you crazy.
51. in pursuit of perfection, the perfect murder (see 5)
52. sociobiology. evolutionary theory. reproductive success. pass on your genes.
53. eugenics, darwinism, social darwinism, the future, the gene pool.
54. they're the natural selection.  eliminating the weakest link. taking out the trash.
55. you are the weakest link.
56. you hate bugs.
57. you hate viruses.
58. you hate shit.
59. you hate irritants.
60. they're in your head.
61. you're in their head.
62. the vibes demand you do it.
63. nike says to.
64. gatorade says to.
65. nissan says to.
66.  EVERY commercial says to.
67. anthony robbins says to.
68. you want to go to jail.
69. you want to go to prison.
70. you want to die.
71. you want to live.
72. you want a suicide-by-cop.
73. you want to take out as many people as you can.  serial killer. mass murderer.
74. everybody wants to kill you.
75. the game.  you want to win.  be a winner.
76. you want to beat the man, the police, the fbi, the feds, the detectives, the cops.
77. you want to frame somebody.
78. you're a participant in a conspiracy.  a patsy. a mastermind. whatever.
79. they looked at you funny.  they looked at you wrong.
80. they smell.
81. they're ugly.
82. they're fat.
83. they're stupid. an idiot. a dolt.
84. they're rude.
85. they're unkind, cruel.
86. they're lazy.
87. they're criminal. (see god's law, sinners)
88. you're the law
89. they broke the law
90. god told you to.
91. the devil told you to (you're the devil, devil's pawn)
92. the voices told you to (schizo)
93. sadism
94. the sexual hit.  you want to fuck someone to death.
95. they're poor.
96. they're rich.
97. aggravation.  you know i don't like that and you do it anyway.
98. irritation, stop bothering me, go away.
99. pressure, stress, anxiety, too much to do, i can't do it all, unreasonable expectations.
100. depression.  i feel like shit and someone must pay.
101. they judged you.
102. they labeled you.
103. they yell at you.
104. they want to do bad things to you.
105. they hurt you.  they hurt your feelings.  they insulted you.
106. they touched you inappropriately.
107. they raped you.
108. they look down on you.
109. they want you to be their partner.  it's pathetic.  an unwelcome suitor, unwanted advances.
110. they're gay and you're hetero.
111. they're hetero and you're gay.
112. they breed, and you believe in no children.
113. they fuck, and you believe in abstinence.
114. you're not gettin' any, frustrated.
115. you're hypnotized.
116. you're a zombie.
117. you're a witch.
118. you're a warlock.
119. you're a wizard.
120. you're a werewolf, and the moon is full.  moon craziness. lunacy.
121. you're a soldier (see at war)
122. you're an executioner.
123. you're dr. death.
124. you believe in euthanasia, mercy-killing.
125. you believe in assisted suicide.
126. there are too many people on the planet.  overpopulation.  strain on resources.  only stupid people are breeding.
127. too much traffic.
128. somebody cut you off in traffic.
129. they drive too fast.
130. they drive too slow.
131. somebody flipped you the bird.
132. their dog is barking, won't shut up, keeping you up.
133. their dog shit on your lawn.
134. their dog barks at you, scares you, surprises you, bothers you.
135. they don't deserve to live.
136. they're a child molestor
137. they molested you
138. they're a murderer
139. they might murder you.
140. you're a murder, killer, killa, killah
141. they traumatized to you
142. they kicked you out
143. they stunted your potential.  stifled creativity.
144. street credibility, respect.
145. climbing the ladder.  gang, mafia, whatever.  ambition.
146. you're an assassin.
147. you're a ninja.
148. you like shooting guns.  it makes you feel powerful.  soothing.
149. you're anti-gun control.  everyone should have one.  they want to take away your god given right to bear arms.
150. you're pro gun control.  hate guns, the nra, and the gun lobby.
151. you disagree.  conversations kill. something they said.  fighting words. slander. tactlessness.
152. for your freedom.  against tyranny.
153. for your children, your family.
154. for your country.
155. the president told you to.
156. they're an arsonist.
157. you're an arsonist.
158. fire is beautiful.
159. they burned something of yours.
160. they burned you.
161. they kept you waiting.
162. they made you wait.
163. they underestimated you.
164. they'll never see it coming.
165. you're overworked.
166. you're underpayed.
167. they won't apologize.
168. they're a rapist.
169. you're a rapist (152)
170. they're a pervert.
171. they're a sinner.  sinful, wicked, evil, depraved.
172. they're an abomination.
173. you're a sinner, commit sin, iniquity, transgression.
174. justice, capital punishment, their sentence, street justice, vigilanteism.
175. they're a thief
176. they stole something of yours.
178. they're a hater.
179. hostility.
180. body language
181. tone of voice
182. facial expression.  rolling their eyes.
183. wake people up from their hypnotized, false consciousness, resignation, apathy.
184. mobilize people to action
185. the cause.  sacrifices must be made.
186. your way of coping.
187.  it gets your creative juices flowing.
188. you're drumming up business for the deathcare industry.
189. it builds self-confidence.
190. you like to negotiate from a position of strength.
191. you want their job, creating an opening.
192. you're an abnormal deviant, a freak, a mutant.
193. you have no conscience.
194. you're morally different, ethically disoriented.
195. you're misogynist, you hate women.
196. you hate men
197. it's not real, life is but a dream.
198. disgust.
199. they make you sick.
200. they eat like a pig.
201. you're enlightened.
202. they're holier-than-thou.
203. everyone expects you to, because i am whatever you say i am.
204. for it's scientific value, as part of an experiment, using the scientific method.
205. because you're an evil genius.
206. because you're brilliant, with an IQ of...
207. therapy
208. they invaded your space.
209. they're on your property.
210. they broke into your home.
211. protecting your family.
212. you have a fixation on killing.  it's an obsession.
213. defaced property. graffiti.
214. friendship.
215. he cut your hair poorly.
216. he gave you bad advice.
217. he cause you to lose money.
218. you're a pure psychopath, a monster.
219. you're mental
220. you're having your period.
221. you're grumpy.
222. you forget, amnesia.
223. you want to see your handiwork in the papers.
224. you want to terrorize a community, cause a panic.
225. they're imperfect, you're a perfectionist, they cultivate and flaunt their flaws, they are flawed, you are perfect, nobody's perfect, nobody's innocent, everybody deserves it, has it coming.
226. they're a hopeless case.  incurably fucked up.  best option.
227. they're a slut.
228. they degrade themselves.
229. they degrade women into sex objects.
230. they have an eating disorder, bulimic, anorexic.  people are starving. get real.
231. cigarette advertising, the tobacco industry.
232. carrots, incentives, rewards, pleasure.
233. sticks, disincentives, punishments, pain.
234. inferiority complex.  you're inferior.
235. superiority complex. you're superior.
236. they act superior.
237. making a move.
238. making your move.
239. you're a pawn.
240. you're a knight
241. you're a bishop
242. you're a queen
243. you're a king
244. you're a player.
245. you've been played.
246. you're black, black power, they're the white devil.
247. you're white, white power, they're black.
248. you're a slave
249. you're a master
250. you're a replicant.
251. you're a blade runner
252. you hate god
253. resentment
254. you hate life, living, being alive
255. you have no soul.
256. you're a victim
257. you're a jedi
258. all hell breaks loose.  the gates of hell have been opened. an assault on heaven.
259. they won't help.
260. a sacrifice for a cause.
261. you watch too much tv. programming (116)
262. you've seen too many movies.  hollywood.
263. it's in your genes.  you're a natural born killer.
264. because you can.
265. you're an anarchist.  helter skelter. down with authority. down with government.
266. because you can't.
267. morbid interest, fascination.
268. you're a satanist.  you love the devil.
269. they're a satanist.  you hate the devil.
270. you like to fight.
271. you like blood.
272. you like to stab.
273. you like combat.
274. you're aggressive.
275. you're a martial artist.
276. you hate your mother, they remind you of.
277. you hate your mother, matricide.
278. you hate your father, they remind you of.
279. you hate your father, patricide.
280. you hate your family, they remind you of.
281. you hate your family.  familial homicide.
282. you're an officer of the law, who likes a secret hobby.
283. you like the secret in your closet, if not an actual skeleton, and having a double life, with the drama, the irony, the skill required to lie and coverup.
284. you have a license to kill.
285. you're authorized to use deadly force.
286. you're a cop
287. you're a spy.
288. they're a spy.
289. you should do everything once.
290. they're a rival for your girl, your guy.
291. they're a rival in business. business is a war.
292. it's good for the economy.
293. it's healthy, an outlet for your aggression.
294. they want to die, they smoke.
295. they want to die, they drink, they're alcoholic.
296. they're suicidal, and need your help.
297. they do drugs, want to escape from reality
298. you do drugs, and they disapprove.
299. you're suicidal, and they won't help
300. you're drunk, you're high, you're drunk and high
301. you have no choice, gun to your head, gladiator, self-defense, kill or be killed.
302. you have multiple personalities.
303. you ate too many twinkies.
304. they talk too much, they won't shut up, they won't listen, they don't listen
305. they don't talk enough, they creep you out.
306. emotional enforcement, wipe that smile off your face, cheer up (764)
307. too happy, too sad. perpetually, annoyingly cheery or morose, glum, gloomy.
308. it's cost-effective
309. they're sick, terminally ill. (124,613)
310. they're bad blood
311. they pollute the gene pool
312. they have too many kids
313. squashing a bug.
314. they just take, take, take.  they never give back.
315. you're the slayer (261,262, 826)
316. they're opposed to everything you stand for.  (623,936)
317. they won't do what you tell them to, what you want.
318. you have a foolproof plan.  it's fiendishly, diabolically clever. muahahah.
319. they're not you
320. they're vulnurable.  you take what you can get.
321. it's risky.  you're a gambler.
322. they're rooting for another sports team.
323. they're a foreigner.
324. they're different from you.
325. they're the same as you.
326. they're a wannabe
327. they speak another language.
328. they're a different race.
329. they fit your victim profile.
330. they're different from your last kill.
331. someone more powerful than you says you should, must.
332. i say you should.  obey.
333. you should.
334. they're a danger to themselves or others, they're threatening, a threat.
335. they threatened you.
336. they're disabled, you're disabled, both.
337. they're mentally ill. you're mentally ill. both.
338. they're retarded. you're retarded. both.
339. because they're old.  you're old.  both.
340. they're stupid.  you're stupid. both.
341. they're immature.  you're immature. both.
342. spiritual, physical healing.
343. magic
344. you're a god.
345. reputation.  you'd look bad if you didn't.
346. discipline, keep em in line, a warning.
347. because it's a condition of membership.
348. because everyone else does.
349. because they disapprove of you.
350. because they disrespect you.
351. because they tell you what to do, boss you around.
352. development, it's all you can do, personal growth, devil op ment, your bit for the less developed countries, the poor and disadvantaged.
353. music.
354. world war III
355. curiosity killed, poking around where they shouldn't
356. you've never done it before
357. because you're blue
358. post-partum depression
359. because you're a punk.  mischief.
360. because they're a punk.
361. you're a drug kingpin.  a member of the illegal drug trade.
362. drug war.  you hate drug dealers, drugs, the drug industry.
363. drug-legalization.  legalize it.  champ.  coke heroin acid meth pot.
364. because pharmaceutical companies have a vested interest in maximum social mental unhealth.
365. because capitalism sucks.
366. because socialism sucks.
367. because human nature sucks, the world is shit.
368. because everyone is full of shit.
369. life is unfair.
370. you gotta do what you gotta do.
371. they're another religion from you, infidels.
372. holy war
373. they're your enemy.
374. because life is hell.
375. because you're in hell
376. because you're on
377. because you're off
378. because you're hot
379. because you're cold
380. you're the one.  you're it.
381. telemarketers
382. people that talk loud in the library.
383. people that do nothing but complain, bitch, moan, whine.
384. scientology
385. superstition, ghosts and spirits,  ghouls and goblins, things that go bump in the night
386. your team lost, you're a sore loser.
387. celebration. your team won.
388. it's your purpose, why you were put on this earth, your calling.
389. it's what you're good at.
390. it's what you love (583)
391. religious evangelists, televangelists, deluded cheery intrusive people
392. parents, teachers, and other "authority" figures who wrongly discipline you.
393. because you're selfish, self-interest
394. politicians
395. in the heat of battle.  with the icy cold stare of death.
396. white trash, trash of any color.
397. whores
398. priests and nuns, the pope, dogma.
399. sheeple.
400. they made you repeat yourself.
401. they don't listen
402. people talk down to you.
403. annoying repetition, of commercials, music, rhetoric
404. they waste your time.
405. waiting
406. because they're/you're a lousy excuse for a human being.
407. you're/they're a bad parent
408. you/they hate their kids
409. you're life isn't worth living anymore, suicide.  you're racked by guilt, tormented by demons, in pain, shamed, you give up, avoiding future unpleasantness.
410. you're  hardcore.
411. in defense of your honor.
412. because you're a man.
413. you're an animal, a beast, the beast.
414. you're not human, you're a machine, you're superhuman.
415. you're a dragon, a tiger, a creature from the chinese zodiac.
416. they're an animal.
417. you're a monkey. they're a monkey.
418. you're a dog. they're a dog.
419. you're/they're an insect, like Gregor Samsa.
420. columbine, hitler's birthday, pot.
421. you've been good all your life.
422. you hate cops.  cops hate you. they're a cop. you're a cop killah.
423. they have nothing in common with you.
424. you're poor.
425. you're rich
426. you got shot (self-defense, they hurt you)
427. because reality is virtual, and you are real.
428. they're male, and you're female.
429. they're female, and you're male.
430. because you are qualified and justified to use legal force
431. whiplash.  car accidents.
432. you run a cult.  you hate your flock.  kool-aid time.
433. you're a member of a cult.
434. a better life awaits you/them on the other side.
435. you're a nazi
436. you're right, they're wrong, won't admit it.
437. you're a klansman
438. you hate jews, antisemitism
439. because it's sexy, women dig it.
440. you're a bad girl, a naughty girl. you want to be punished, disciplined, spanked.
441. because you're free.
442. you're racist. race war.
443. they're racist.
444. the survival of the human race.
445. the destruction of humanity.
446. the bible says you should.
447. there is a time for every purpose under heaven, good times, bad times.
448. because you've spent so much time thinking about it.
449. because a land flowing with milk and honey would be very sticky, and start to smell after awhile.
450. you've been lied to. they lied to you.
451. you've been suckered.  they suckered you.
452. they suck
453. you suck
454. the weather
455. it's hot
456. it's cold
457. it's raining
458. you're stuck, you have no future, there's no way out
459. prison provides food and shelter
460. you hate vegetarians
461. you hate carnivores
462. you're in pain
463. a liability
464. covering loose ends
465. silencing a witness
466. they ratted on you.  an informant.
467. they give you hell, shit, disease, whatever.
468. sex
469. the best sex you've ever had
470. you didn't make the cut
471. you got fired
472. you lost
473. you fucked up
474. you weren't accepted
475. you got dumped, jilted, rejected, overlooked.
476. your love of your life left you
477. your husband/wife cheated on you, unfaithful
478. you're in an abusive relationship
479. unwelcome advice, comfort, or commentary
480. blame.  you're held responsible, unjustly.
481. you're an addict, they're an addict, both
482. you're in debt, they're in debt, both
483. they owe you money
484. they look up to you
485. they're watching.  you're in the public eye.
486. no privacy
487. they're/you're failing school.
488. you're/they're failing life.
489. you're an antisocial, psychotic, psychopathic, sociopathic personality.
490. soldier-of-fortune, mercenary
491. it sells records
492. everyone else is doing it.
493. the social benefit.  the greater good.  it's what's best for all, for all concerned.
494. it's alright, allright, all right.
495. it's all good.
496. cerebral torment.
497. your brain
498. your heart
499. mind control
500. you practice what you preach.  you're not a hypocrite.
501. you lead by example.
502. politics.
503. civil disobedience
504. hunger strike. 3 hunger strikes and you're out.
505. protest, set yourself on fire
506. you're pro-life, you're pro-death, you're pro-choice
507. you're republican, democrat
508. you're liberal, conservative
509. sexual ambiguity
510. gender roles
511. it brings out the best in you.
512. you're justified, you have your reasons.
513. it's a challenge
514. you want to study anatomy.
515. you want a skeleton, or a skull.
516. you're spawn, leader of hell's army, or some other comic book character.  you're the violator, you violate and desecrate, you're a fat evil clown.
517. because you're at war
518. you're a soldier of the lord
519. you're a devil's pawn
520. you're unhappy
521. you're unhappy with the status quo
522. it will end their suffering (226)
523. you're weak, suggestible, afraid, insecure (116, 139)
524. you're envious
525. you're a predator
526. the thrill of the chase, the hunt.  you're a hunter.  patient, calculating, precise.  the most dangerous game.
527. impulse
528. you're a copycat.
529. you've devised something original.
530. you know what your problem is? you need to get more fun out of life.
531. the best thing for him really, his therapy was going nowhere.
532. the cops want you to.  they hate you, the victim.  a source of income.
533. because x dollars are spent on defense.
534. the best defense is a good offense.
535. life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
536. two words: Bill Gates
537. two words: the homeless
538. people who talk to themselves.
539. staggering inequality.  billionaires vs. third/fourth/fifth-world poverty.
540. the global political economy, multinational corporations, an unfair playing field.
541. the centralization of economic and political power.
542. inflation (292)
543. taxes
544. car salesmen
545. car commercials
546. gas prices
547. drunk drivers
548. risky, dangerous, reckless driving
549. they blew through a stoplight.
550. you can't race on city streets
551. you're a gambler, a risk-taker, live on the edge
552. they gave you aids
553. they gave you vd
554. they coughed on you.
555. you've been killed (991)
556. you're undead (zombie, vampire, alive)
557. you can't help yourself, you can't stop yourself
558. going home for the holidays
559. church
560. urban blight
561. anguish, despair
562. hopelessness, bleak future prospects.
563. lack of faith, disbelief, unbelief
564. they don't believe what you believe
565. pyramid schemes
566. amway
567. jobs that make you stand around (security guard, parking lot attendants)
568. bullying. intimidation.
569. intolerance
570. shattered dreams
571. a dream deferred
572. nightmares
573. no job
574. no girlfriend, no kids
575. no friends
576. stalkers
577. they're irrational, unreasonable
578. zero tolerance policy
579. curiosity about the afterlife
580. junk mail
581. repetition, routine, ritual.  same thing, day in, day out.  variety, spice (11)
582. to intimidate someone, to "break" someone
583. you love it!!
584. military training and preparation and background and skills put to good use.
585. drill instructor abuse
586. you're in a rut
587. for a new you
588. you're an arch-nemesis supervillain
589. consumer confidence
590. you ARE the economy.
591. tech stocks, your stocks, the stock market
592. practice.  bigger game ahead.
593. the irony factor.  you're a sweet guy.
594. everyone thinks you're a sweet guy.
595. you have a death wish.  thanatos.
596. freedom (441, 152, 248)
597. truth, justice, and the american way
598. anomie, ennui, malaise, schadenfreude, liebensraum
599. resignation
600. vanity, all is vanity.
601. frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense.
602. the value of sand dollars
603. kill em all, let god sort em out
604. situational ethics.
605. police workload.
606. as a distraction, a diversion.
607. hypocrisy.
608. superficiality, the fake, the false, the unreal, the untrue.
609. international relations
610. war
611. the bomb
612. we're all doomed
613. we're all gonna die someday, nobody gets out of life alive, better sooner than later.
614. a symbolic statement
615. bloodlust
616. bloodthirst
617. world peace.  peace corps, war corps.
618. world hunger
619. want to, need to, have to.  desire, necessity, obligation.
620. feed the maggots.
621. incompatibility
622. cross-purposes
623. if there's a pope and antipope, christ and antichrist, why not a you and antiyou.
624. they're your enemy
625. purify the collective unconscious
626. they don't like you
627. you don't like them
628. they won't dance with you.
629. they won't put out
630. they're pushy, intrusive, rude, objectionable.
631. they're a bore.
632. they're insufferable
633. they flake, forget, unreliable, untrustworthy, unresponsible.
634. they talk about you behind your back.
635. gossipy
636. you're a bastard, they're a bastard.
637. no willpower, motivation, discipline.
638. no curiosity, interest, desire to learn.
639. the greater good
640. to demonstrate your power.
641. they pollute the environment, save the planet, protect mother earth, ecology, interdependence, extinction, rainforest, clearcutting, biodiversity, old-growth redwoods, wetlands.
642. granola, tofu, veggie burgers
643. carrots and volvos
644. empowerment.  stand up and take action.
645. it's a hoot, a gas, a laugh and a half.
646.  linguistics.  red rum and ill k.
647. you listened to a judas priest album backwards.
648. because you're all alone and no one can hear you.
649. you're deceptive, dangerous, deadly.
650. mixers, gatherings, get-togethers, parties
651. historical injustice: slavery, colonialism, the holocaust
652. corporate irresponsibility, coverups
653. you're cold, heartless
654. they're cold, heartless
655. the bottom line
656. greed
657. pride, avarice, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, sloth.
658. unwise, unfair distribution of resources
659. mis-allocation of resources
660. irreversible, hopeless inequality and despair.
661. because it's illegal, criminal, unlawful
662. because you're not supposed to
663. because you're evil
664. taboo, nudity, sex, bestiality, incest
665. pimps, ho's, bitches, prostitutes, whores, johns, tricks
666. the beast, mythology, apocalypse, revelation
667. tabloids, news inaccuracy, lies, falsehoods, misquotes, misleadings.
668. incompleteness. you finish what you start. murder completes you.
669. math, aftermath
670. legal insanity, wrong laws.
671. assumptions
672. discrimination. special treatment.
673. lottery
674. it's all just little bits of history repeating.  those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.  there's nothing new under the sun.
675. eliminate the competition.  drugdealing, dating, business, sports.
676. fun, fun, fun.  try them all. boys will be boys. girls just wanna have fun.
677. snuff films, make money, entertain your friends
678. picking people off with a sniper rifle is fun.
679. axe murdering is fun.
680. slicing and stabbing, woohoo.
681. watching someone foam at the mouth is fun.
682. blowing someone's head off with a shotgun is a bloody good time.
683. hearing someone's neck break (twist and shout)
684. videotape the head after beheadal from a guillotine, wink wink.
685. asphyxiation, gasping.
686. electrocution, quivering
687. drowning, a peaceful way to go, glub glub
688. garrote
689. bomb blast.  body parts everywhere, vaporized.
690. tricking someone into eating a mushroom, licking a frog.
691. convincing someone to swallow their tongue.
692. pushing someone off a bridge, a cliff, a building, a ledge.
693. bashing to bloody bits with a baseball bat (just b-cause)
694. carving someone up
695. work at home scams and schemes.
696. infomercials.  exercise equipment. knives.
697. nature shows. predator and prey. stalking, cunning, waiting, pouncing.
698. bugs. poisonous spiders, suicidal moths, cannibalistic praying mantises, malarial mosquitoes, biting horseflies, nuclear cockroaches.
699. tarot card readers
700. jonathan edwards
701. al gore, jr.
702. global poverty
703. crass commercialism
704. price gouging
705. conspicuous consumption
706. keeping up with the joneses
707. psychiatrists
708. crack whores
709. liars, cheats, thieves
710. murder, rape, torture
711. sex, drugs, rock and roll
712. pleasure, sensuality
713. ecstasy, orgasm
714. you're impotent
715. you can't get an erection.  goregasm.
716. pacifists.
717. pugnacity.
718. doves
719. hawks
720. owls
721. eagles
722. Judaism. the old testament. eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.
723. balance, yin-yang, Siva.  death, decay, and destruction is half of life, growth, and creation.  there can be no light without shadow.
724. people make fun of you.  you will not be mocked.  people laugh at you.  who's laughing now, who has the last laugh.  you are the butt of their jokes.
725. you are a joke, they are a joke, both.
726. people do not take you seriously.
727. you're a lie, they're a lie, both
728. you're an ass, they're an ass, both
729. a dick, a prick
730. an asshole
731. anal-retentive
732. they don't wipe
733. you've got balls
734. you're back
735. your head, your feet are killing you, a killer top to bottom
736. nobody loves you
737. they don't love you
738. they don't love you back
739. nobody understands you
740. they don't understand you
741. you don't know what it is, to love, to be loved, to be in love, to experience love, make love, receive love.
742. you can't love
743. cat's got your tongue (communication breakdown)
744. you can't sleep
745. God doesn't mind
746. survival
747. only the good die young
748. they think they're god
749. they think they're god's gift.
750. they think they're god's gift to women.
751. they think they're god's gift to men
752. they think they're all that
753. they think they're hot shit, but they're really cold diarrhea
754. they try to intimidate you.
755. it's legal (war, capital punishment, abortion, in the ring)
756. some people have the right to (soldiers, executioners, spies, cops) under specified conditions.
757. public safety, making an example
758. you work at a sawmill
759. it's business
760. it's personal.
761. a complete stranger.
762. the family that slays together, stays together.
763. incessant cheeriness.
764. cheer nazis
765. disneyland, disneyworld, eurodisney, walt disney, mickey mouse
766. it's a dead man's party. no one lives forever.
767. making stories "come alive" (books, tv)
768. urban legend re-enactment
769. historical re-enactment
770. false and unjust imprisonment
771. pet peeves
772. traffic, traffic jams, horns, noise
773. murder is the solution to every problem
774. you hunger and thirst for righteousness
775. alarm clocks, schedules, expectations, obligations
776. the rat race
777. you missed the starting gun.
778. headaches
779. persistent coughing.
780. they blew cigar, cigarette smoke at you.
781. cruelty to animals, butchers, animal slaughterers, the meat industry, vivisection, animal testing, furs, zoos, meat is murder.
782. murder burger
783. they changed the name of murder burger.
784. bacteria, virus, germ.  infection, infestation, cesspool.  sickness, illness, disease.
785. it's a cold, cruel, heartless world.
786. you're drumming up publicity for your crime "fiction".
787. beauty, looks, appearances.  marks, flaws, imperfections.  exceptional beauty.
788. it gives you a new perspective, a fresh outlook. (583, 587, 960)
789. interviewers, dating game, selection criteria, fuzzy logic.
790. fame
791. guinness book of world records
792. books
793. politics.  consolidating power.  like lenin.  or mao. or some third world dictator.
794. politics. eliminating rivals. in your party. in other parties.
795. politics. ideology.  the ideological opposite, the opponent, the enemy.
796. thoughtlessness.
797. the safeway club card.
798. scanning technology.
799.  technological backwardness. the amish.
800. the unabomber manifesto.
801. diamonds are forever, are a girl's best friend, dogs are man's best friend.
802. the queen of hearts.  or queen of diamonds.  the cards you are dealt.
803. hannibal lecter (218, 530, 531, 807, 960)
804. any stimulus at all, with murderous association.
805. if somebody says x one more time, you'll go postal.
806. you're a postal worker.
807. a pure psychopath, getting a clean kill, of white trash.
808. bullets on your resume, shots at the bar, gunning your engine, sitting shotgun.
809. be all that you can be
810. get an edge on life
811. aim high.  gunshot wound to the head.  shots in the air.
812. food restrictions, prohibitions, taboo.  e.g. pork, squid, non-kosher.
813. jesus-freaks
814. religious whackos, nuts, loonies
815. send em to heaven
816. send em to hell
817. better off dead.  compassion.  end suffering, hopeless case, social good, happiness.
818. you are a rock
819. you're hard.  strength.
820. same reason as the mountain climber, because they are there.
821. comedy, it's funny.
822. cheesiness
823. peas and firecrackers (804)
824. you can get away with it.
825. you have demons
826. it's a role to play, all the world's a stage, performance, crowd-pleaser.
827. you're sad, blue, depressed, in grief, sorrowful.
828. society sucks, everyone sucks.
829. your job sucks
830. subliminal influence, subconscious, susceptibility to suggestion.
831. you have a taste for it (782)
832. you haven't much time left.
833. you've always wanted to.
834. limits
835. the human condition (561), absurdity, better that we had not been born at all.
836. quest for a utopian society.
837. political correctness, terminology.
838. oppression
839. exploitation
840. revolution
841. waste
842. welfare
843. wo/men
844. it makes you feel like a man.
845. playing with your new toys
846. playing with the big boys.
847. testing the latest in military technology.
848. computers, software, hardware, viruses, waiting, freezing, spam.
849. words.  all words. any words. fighting words. bad words. ineffability. code.
850. quest for global domination.  everybody wants to rule the world.
851. shit happens
852. to make things right with the world.
853. to be right with the world.
854. all the horror films, books, true crime tv/lit, mysteries you've read.
855. you're sick
856. you're always tired.
857. you're sick and tired of it all.  you've been stepped on, shat on, pissed on, spat on, you're fed up, you've had enough, you won't take it anymore, you won't take it lying down, the time has come, the time is now, revolt, payback.
858. you've snapped.
859. because it doesn't matter (983)
860. life is meaningless
861. to give life meaning.
862. a tragedy waiting to happen.
863. inevitability.  in the stars.  fate, destiny, kismet.  foretold, inevitable.
864. night, darkness, shadow.
865. day, sweetness, light.
866. they don't fight fair, they fight dirty, low blow (break the rules, 979)
867. they challenged you to a fight, a duel, a game of russian roulette.
868. resentment.  why does this shit always happen to you? you don't deserve this.
869. grudge. you've been wronged.
870. ill will. malice. i hope you die.
871. punk-ass muthafucker
872. exasperation, irritation, annoyance.  AGH!!!
873. frustration. you can't always get what you want.  can I EVER get what I want.  lack of love, affection, tenderness.
874. futility.  what's the point. nothing changes.  i'm banging my head against the wall.
875. absurdity.  the divine tragi-comedy.  existentialist outlook.
876. nonsense. nunsense. no incense.  what?  catholic got your tongue.
877. they're the source of your problems.  murder is the solution.
878. unloyal, disloyal, turncoat, double-agent (spy)
879. the military, the pentagon, the defense department: the army, navy, air force, marines, coast guard.
880. you have a black belt
881. you're inspired
882. it's the perfect murder, art
883. on a dare.
884. low police presence, high probability of eluding suspicion or capture.
885. they think they're jesus, so crucify them.  crucify the lord, mob unity.
886. bad luck, down on your luck, down on their luck.
887. bad hair day
888. you're a slasher, a (member of) slayer, satan claws, santa's slay.
889. spiritual power
890. you're Death
891. truth. stop the bullsit. stop the lies.  keepin it real.
892. delusion. false beliefs.
893. you're not paranoid, they're really out to get you.
894. prolonged, protracted suffering
895. an uncaring, apathetic world.
896. if it's worth thinking, it's worth doing.
897. us/them (438)
898. psychic entertainment for the man in your head.
899. feed the voracious, insatiable appetite of the collective unconscious for murder.
900. you like it messy: blood, guts, and gore.
901. to hear them scream,
902. just to watch him die.
903. legalese
904. coffin prices
905. to see if they're immortal
906. god, gold, and glory.   god, queen, and country.
907. synchronicity.
908. it's what animates you, like a cartoon.
909. where you're at
910. it's too crowded, living space, liebensraum
911. bankruptcy
912. they pushed your button(s)
913. that's the last straw
914. you're a coward.  scaredy-cat.   chicken!
915. peer pressure, goaded into it, egged on, whipped into a frenzy
916. big fish, little fish, swimming in the water
917. fisher of men
918. the life of the party
919. the death of the party
920. costume, make-up, unrecognizability, disguise
921. magic: make someone disappear
922. mafia, mob boss, henchman, errand boy
923. in organized crime
924. you live in columbia
925. stereotypes
926. first impression
927. training for bigger and better things
928. you've been outed
929. they put you out on the street
930. they're a beggar
931. they begged you for money
932. they asked you for money
933. they wouldn't give you money
934. they scammed you
935. they're a con artist
936. try them all, break every law, a name for every letter of the alphabet, one from every state, one for every reason, every m.o., systematic entertainment.
937. do it all,  know it all, omniscience, omnipotence
938. instinct, gut feeling
939. authenticity.  unmedicated.  the real you.  unleash the beast.  catharsis.
940. they drive you crazy
941. you're going mad, losing your mind
942. you're an anthropologist, going native.
943. spices up your travel experience.
944. stupid, ignorant, and no desire to learn
945. people are just walking meatbags, breedbugs, pests.
946. they remind you of someone you hate.
947. you need the exercise.
948. you can't be held accountable. (just following orders, president, voices, god, etc.), possessed, multiple personalities, off medication, ngri -not guilty by reason of insanity, delusional, mentally ill.
949. they're in-sub-non-human/aliens/part of a computer program
950. you're a demon
951. you've got time to kill, you're dressed to kill, you have a killer smile, killer good looks.
952. you're neo, the one
953. you're the vice president (president of vice)
954. you just don't give a fuck
955. you need not wonder why, no time left for you.
956. an adolescent cry for attention
957. a cry for help
958. it makes you happy (390, 520, 583)
959. they're christ, you're the antichrist.  vice versa.  it's the christian thing to do.
960. a fledgling killer's first effort at transformation
961. protest
962. rebellion
963. national security and defense, from enemies, foreign and domestic, internal and external.
964. well behaved women seldom make history
965. low expectations
966. ruined reputation
967. you have nothing to lose.  you're fuct.
968. you're confused (incomplete, contradictory, unverified, poor-quality information)
969. you need to know, poor teachers, lack of information, frustrated intellect
970. you're arab, israeli, palestinian.  intifada.  history.
971. ethnic persecution, ethnic cleansing
972. savagery, atrocities.
973. lack of good will.
974. lack of cooperation, teamwork.
975. incompetence
976. member of a death squad.
977. jealousy, frustration, anger aoused by public displays of affection
978. sense of propriety, good manners, they're rude, crude, unacceptable.
979. they broke the rules, they cheated, they got away with it.
980. emotion, passion, carried away, heat of the moment.
981. emotional immaturity
982. double-crossed (triple, quadruple...)
983. you don't matter, you're unimportant.  they don't matter, nobody matters.
984. it's the end of the world. the end is nigh.
985. they believe the end is nigh.
986. oblivion, the void, the infinity of time and space, the wasteland.
987. impermanence.  we are fleeting, transitory, ephemeral, dust in the wind.  transient transients.  just passing through.  just a drop of water in an endless sea of eternity.  infinitesimal.
988. the matrix (427)
989. it's all good, it's all just
990. just because
991. you're dead already
992. you're going to die soon
993. you just really want to (833)
994. it's the right thing to do
995. the confluence of motive, means, and opportunity
996. it's the only rational option
997. it may not be rational, but it's your only choice.
998. any combination
999. all of the above
1000. why not

some final thoughts:
mix and match spells-
for example, Why Isis?
     you're a hater.  the world is shit.  you're Death.  you're a machine.  they suck.  irritating, draining, take up space, consume resources, a better world without them, you hate their guts, looking at them.  they're a muppet.  boring.  stupid.  ignorant.  incurious.  worthless.  unreal.  taste their blood.  harvesting chemicals/drugs.  you performed a service.  feel alive.  God is grateful.  Now you'll find love.  happy halloween, chief/boss/killa.  sick and twisted, oh what a relief it is.  a clean kill, good shot, wipe those vermin off the map, no regrets, you're pure, making a difference, an army of one. 
-maybe that's why.

the bible says god is a man of war, and war is about killing, usually.  also, it says there is a time to kill. and "only god is good" (!)

they always call murder senseless, but if you stop and think, there could be quite a few (really good?) reasons.  Collect them all.

everyone wrestles with their dark side, their dark impulses/urges/fantasies, if not needs.

by "reasons to kill," you could interpret it as making murder rational in a thousand ways (instigatory?), OR reasons that themselves need to be killed, inside your mind, psyche, make-up, in order to achieve peace (which, to my mind, is even more rational and necessary.)
         Personal growth, as I see it, is depotentiating and nullifying the force of any/all of the reasons you find compelling.

The thousandth reason of "why not" outweighs the cumulative weight of persuasion of the previous 999, I think.  That is, the hell of prison in this life, and possible eternal torment in the next.

If it seems different from the rest of my blog, it's because I wrote this like 20 years ago.  I just dug it up.  Thought I'd share!  People I shared it with back then thought it was funny, I think.


a meditation

a brief reflection

Just sitting, breathing, open -listening, the traffic rolls by, engines idle, the refrigerator hums,.. (re: interacting with the stuff in my room, after looking at items) So many possibilities, to hold in mind all at once? easier to forego such a mental requirement, forego a tally of such magnitude, and simply be.  Time passes- there is no need to do one thing more than another, or to do anything at all.  Productivity, efficiency, progress toward mastery- a sea of library books, wikipedia articles, radio stations, youtube videos, cd's and magazines and movies; and, of course, relationships- bars, okcupid profiles, paid dating websites/apps, the student body of the nearby university, and of course my family and friends.  It's overwhelming, really.  I also want to be healthy and sane: gym membership, home exercise, trying different modes of employment, pursuit of the almighty dollar (is the lottery EVER worth it?).  Every ticket I buy spawns a routine of imagining winning, and what I would spend it on.  I suppose it can be a fruitful exercise.  You live until you die, is the only way to stay sane, sings the song.  Noise and fury, signifying nothing, wrote Shakespeare.  Well, I turn 45 soon.  I look forward to my next 45!  What will happen?  Where will it lead?

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Relieve All Suffering

a preliminary meditation

First, basic needs.
food/water, shelter/clothing/bedding, comfort/health/sanitation
intimacy, love, friendship.  transportation, communication.
safety, security, activity/variety (e.g. books for prisoners "escapist")
stimulus (music, movies, tv, magazines, books, internet)
     travel, restaurants, money
decrease/eliminate craving, aversion (attachment), ignorance
religion/spirituality, education/inculcation, goodness/ethics/morality
strength, fitness, health, wellness, sanity
improvement, progress, development
acceptance, equanimity
joy, happiness, kindness, harmony, goodwill, beneficence
forgiveness, repentance, renewal, rebirth
meditation, medication/drugs/pharmaceuticals
educated, informed, empowered, curious, intelligent
appreciated, respected, rewarded, satisfied
creative, artistic, productive, engaged, efficient, alive!
thriving, in love

first, do no harm
at one with the universe

joy, bliss, happiness, cheer, merriment, frivolity, frolic, jollity
fun, play, laughter
humor, comedy, satire
snort, guffaw, cackle, chortle

mellow, chill, r and r (rest and relaxation), calm and tranquil

enlightenment, nirvana, satori
contentment, equanimity, understanding, comprehension
pleasure, satisfaction, comfort, ease, warm and fuzzy feelings, belonging, community

know thy enemy, know thyself, ignorance is bliss
see dukkha list! LINK
short form: pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish, despair, oppression, repression, war, hell, violence, butchery, slaughter, abuse, ruthlessness, viciousness, sadism, cruelty, brutality, torture, evil, hatred...


immortality, with some conditions attached

undying, plus:
could freeze time, time-travel, groundhog day (movie): day/week/month/year/life
not age, set age, ability to turn off pain
also: teleport self/objects, turn invisible, fly
morph (bigger/smaller, people, animals, things)
not need food/sleep/air/water (but enjoy them)
regenerate/heal: not die, or be reborn: set date/age/form
access to omniscience, one fact at a time, perfect recall
money, sex, drugs
freedom, love, happiness
all the comic book superpowers: x-ray vision, superstrength/speed/combat-mastery
dematerialize, rematerialize (turn into a ghost)

I would read all books, live all human history/prehistory/earth's history
go everywhere (on earth), try all crime, do all drugs, pursue all science, explore all possibilities, LIVE!
raise many families, eat/drink/be merry
listen to all music, try all activities, watch all tv/movies
serve, make heaven, perfect my mind and body, travel universe, terraform
make all mistakes
share powers with another/some/all
do all jobs, careers, professions, hobbies, games
try all cuisine, restaurants
surf entire internet
love everyone, sample being all lifeforms

faith, hope, love? (believe all things?)
This (entire package) is impossible, cannot and will not (ever) happen.
No?  OH WELL.  Sorry.
Unless I'm wrong.  Are all things possible?  I hope so.
soul rotation/migration/reincarnation...
I don't believe in ghosts and souls.  Should I?
It's a fun exercise, but sad, also.
There's always movies, dreams, books, videogames, virtual reality!!

Schizophrenia SUCKS: some voices

  (shut the f up, a-hole)

a list of v's (not in order, not comprehensive):

you're an award
you could be totally usher
you're a whole mess of me
jess you have a highly tech cancer
i hate the law at you
i hate myself and all that i am
i hate you too
we need to figure out a way to subtract each other from each of our minds
you're turning into someone, who better turn out okay
they want you to apply for amnesty, ya-it
i'm monopolizing your fucking head, alright?
i left him a fucking vegetable
i think you're all law
i'm gonna hill you to hillary
that is you at Princeton, Jess
you have the makings of a full-on, hardcore math man
i've had ENOUGH
that is you society
david is gone jess
i'm in terror.  terror of life beating you
there's no way out for you
jess, you ARE a trip
i'm scared
i hate you out of all proportion to what you do
that is a strong wall to kaiser
jess you're highly adept at spell-casting
you're almost nearly all to the hospital, jess
i'm fucking trying to kill you
people ARE dumb, jesse
you might be subtly well, jess
you're an intellectual schwarzenegger, alrite?
you're that letter to jew
i've never met anyone as open as you
some of it is good, and some of it is shit
i'm going to fucking kill you
i don't wanna know what threshold you went over
it's who i am, what i do
you don't think like an ordinary person.  you swallow them.
you're in a world of well
do you have any idea what it takes to be a dream to 10 million people?
you're too much.   you're too much law.
that's you and scientology
you're seriously insane, jess
people are dead because i don't know what you are
you're interesting jess, okay?
you're a law, jess
the world is obscenely sad at your dad and you
your mom is crying because she's raw
jesus jess will you EVER know what to do? ever?
i'm going to die because i can't breathe
ow  i need help, i'm fucking wrong
david crying
i am the devil.  i've got a major problem trying to talk.
here's why i need law all day long to help me see why i'm blacked out
fuck you jesse
jess you've become 2 people
you and i are losing
we know what we've done.  we've made the world utterly sick of itself.
they're wondering if you want to work in a daycare
God Almighty jesse
jesse they're wondering something, if u know anything
you have a towel to jew
there's about a zillion things you could do
alright jess, you ARE interesting
oh my god, you're at war-e?
you're seriously willow
people are fucking DYing, jesse
you've got a lot of law -i mean A LOT of law
i've fucking had it
david is inSANE jesse
you're a graduate level theologian, is why, jess
because you write like tesla, jess
jess, you're a genius at what you do
you're on another planet, jess
you might be anger management
this IS genius, jess
your sum is unimpeachable
that is a corporate me, jesse
you're a funky, funky-ass dream
that's insane, jesse
you're a big tree
get away from me
jesse you're a law
we have a mid-life you
david is a seriously sick individual
fucking me, jesse
that's how dumb you are
you're obscenely riddle
sara wants you on crack
you had some fun reading your law
jess you have no idea how sad i am
jess you're still amazing
i'm fucking sorry jesse for what i am
david going launch into two
you're something a bit crazy
you might need surgery on your ankle
you're really alive and well is why
fucking alright
i'm screaming unwell, jesse
i'm a bastard, i need help jesse
i'm a sick sick person jesse
i'm gonna kill myself
david entirely un-2, because i'm sick jesse
i hate myself, jesse
i can't even deal
david crying.  i hate you.
david IS insane.  that's really it, jess
i'm seriously fucking wrong, okay?
i can't stop shitting.  i thought i could.
i hate everybody, and you're obscene
because of you i can't heal, jesse
are you ready at all to talk to you
david is dumb
i need a teacher jesse
people are DEAD jesse
i am impossibly sin, jesse
that is halfway through
because he is all k to himself
you shouldn't even get involved.  because I am MAD jesse
i am going to kill you.  i have fucking had it.
ow.. i cannot deal
david hates you.  david hates everything.
i am fucking crying jesse
i need to know
i am IN-SANE
you lost your zoo
people are killing each other..because you're law
people ARE scared, jesse
people are dead to you
david gone jesse.  i can't do it.
ow.  jesus christ.   jesus fucking christ.
i need help jesse
david is fucking dead jesse
people are fucking dumb
allright jess, i think you know you
the world is a sick, sick place
david is killing -killing life
because you fucking nailed it jesse
because you nailed it exactly
jess i need help
i've had a tomb jesse
i'm really really really scared jesse
david in terror to you
because i want you ow a machine
i am in terror in hell
that's some shit jess
i want it really really public jesse
david is fucking scarred
i cannot believe
because you're like ex-cop
i'm a madman, jesse
i'm gonna put him in a head-cleaner
he wants you on starbuck
i think you'll be allright
you're aware there's a system that's very hard to control
jess i have my own possible white
i am un-right about a lot
you're really nuts to zoo
hm fine
daid IS evil, jess
you're fucking ME jess
david is insane.  fuck you.  i'm tired.
ow.  he's killing himself.
because you're right.  i'm having an heart attack.
oh jesus.  i am so utterly fucking stupid.
people are dead.  get off me.
can you do it?  can you make enough money to sue me?
david is rotten rotten rotten rotten rotten
i can't breathe jesse
i need help, jesse
david killing everybody, because he hates it
because he hates you jesse
YOU ARE ME, jesse
you of all people have a duty to slaughter
if you could just write it.  you wrote some of it really well.
you are exACTly what the law is
you're a genius, jess
everything can wait.  I mean Everything.  I'm laughing.
the world is fucking scared because you're law
i am deeply crazy
i am deeply suffering
i am deeply, deeply strong to you
if you want, you can utterly branch
jess you're hilarious, you have no idea what you do
they want you to go back to school.  because school got cool.
you write like a professional, jess
that's right, jess
that's interesting
david not well jesse

(that's only a fraction of the total) (just shut up, David)
some coping strategies:
ignore, talk back, shower, exercise, listen to music, meditate, medicate, (write!)

Thursday, July 28, 2016


creativity shmeativity
oob, boo!*

Make, create, generate, build, manufacture, invent, produce, artify
manufacturing and industry
creative destruction, postwar rebuilding/reconstruction
invention, inspiration, perspiration
imagination, dreams (Morpheus, the god of dreams)
God as ''Creator", responsible for "creation" (nature/reality)
    bb: big bang, busy (as a) bee, body building
sex, children ("meet your maker"), match-makers!
art, writing, painting, drawing, animation, origami, bonsai
sculpture, pottery, ceramics, dance, song/music
composition, wordplay, poetry, fiction, literature, essays, blog, journal(ism), calligraphy, fonts/printing
building, architecture, carpentry, woodcarving, gardening, topiary
expression, video, cinema, tv, acting, produce/direct
sports, martial arts, movement, mime
religion, politics, speeches, belief, rules, law and order, justice
games, chess, war, deception/lying
new ideas, tech
agriculture, viticulture/enology, cooking, pairing
health, wealth, development, happiness, jokes, positivity
"spells," programming, code
csi.  create sense impressions.  see, hear, smell, taste, touch
photography, aromatherapy, perfume, restaurants, cooks, chefs, bartender, massage, acupuncture
mind/body: make up your mind, lol.  bodybuilding.
fashion, calculation, clouds/rorschak test, voices/madness, "source"

wiaw? (what's in a word: definition, denotation(s), connotation(s), anagrams, sum, initialism/acronym, rhymes, synonyms, antonyms, inner meanings, deconstruction)
e.g. cree (american indian tribe) 8, T (cross) i.v. (ivy, intravenous, i victimized), itty bitty
ti (rapper, that is)
rhymes: nativity, activity, productivity, proclivity, sensitivity, gravity, levity, positivity, negativity, reactivity, proactivity

your own / others
MAKE it so, make it happen, make it real, make a difference, just make it through the day, make time, make magic, make shit, make money, make a living, make out, make love, make babies, make whoopie, make a life, make drinks, make pairings (maker's mark?), create memories, make a scene, kiss and make up, make a family, help make a community, urban planning, make better, make well, make suffer, heal/comfort, make a face, make happy/sad, make believe, make a story, make my day lol, make up your mind!

*out of the box
jack in the box
dr boox

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Double-Entry Bookkeeping

I know a little something about DE invoices

David Eldridge
invoice: voice in [head]

(For others, I imagine you think it's
conscience, angels vs. devils, god, prayer,
subconscious, collective unconscious, etc)

bill: Be Ill
wealth: well plus health
money: my one
asset: ass-set (donkeys? butts? letter B looks like a derriere/breasts)
    butt of joke:  assayer- "say, look at that ass!"
    double-entry (not that kind of double-entry!)
equity: e quit why?  equine (horses, zebras, asses)
revenue: new revenant / raven / re-venue
DEADCLIC (useful acronym for  accountants, from wikipedia)
expenses: ex, Pence, sizzling pen
income: come in! in cum
owe: ow, oh! O (orgasm, offense)
     io io, so off to work i go
riches: is rich (Richard) hard: hard-ass, erection, muscles/strength
interest: interesting that this is also an economic term (inter/resting)

weird, eh?
insanity is profitable to:
pharmaceutical industry, psychiatry, lawyers, prisons, etc.

which is why some of this makes a kind of sense (cents)
sex sells (scents) (cells)
f those who have a vested interest in madness!
e.g. arms dealers, military-industrial complex,
sadists/abusers/torturers, demons/vampires
actually, sex might be what they want.
 F.M. radio: F 'em! (ray of God)

Thursday, July 14, 2016


vs. Nothingness, Non-Existence, Oblivion

A lifetime, from conception to death
   (demise, deceased, defunct, mortality, passing, end, expiry, quietus)
A form, before disintegration (like a bubble, before it pops)
Alive, awake, aware.   Alive!  Living
   (from cradle to grave, womb to tomb)
A body, a mind, a soul; Consciousness
Asleep, Dreaming ("life is but a dream")(vs. "eternal rest")
baby to elder, abecedarian to senescence

time, seconds, minutes, hours, days and nights, (dazed knights!) 
weeks, months, seasons, years, decades
centuries, milleniums, ages, epochs
eternity, infinity, always and forever (and ever)
immortality, endless, limitless, unceasing, permanent 

no one lives forever!  (but twos -they have a chance, lol)
("soul" "immortality": nonsensical blather, imho)

microsoft's search engine
b words, e.g. Buddhist, branch (<), breathing
b-boys, b-girls, breakdancing
beauty, birds, butterflies, bugs, beetles, bees, bumble-bee
big, bad, burly body-builders.  brain/body balance.
Bill Bryson books
bike, bart, bus

bee-ing!: bzzz, buzz, busy as a bee, making honey, pollinating plants

b is the 2nd letter of the english alphabet, e the fifth; 2,5.
crypto-christianity: Jesus2 Christ5, (and xmas on the 25th)

the stuff of life:
breathing, just sitting, present in the moment, peaceful
calm and tranquil (cat! e.g. Mewtwo :-)
contentment, equanimity
inhale, exhale
meditation, medication
see, hear, smell, taste, touch, intuit
happy/sad, elevated/depressed, up/down
stimulus: sex, drugs, and rock n roll
Nature, "creation"
religion, spirituality
alive! thrive! wives! knives! drive!
trial and error, live and learn
sound and fury

eat, drink, piss, shit, walk, talk, sleep, rise, work, play, exercise, do nothing, nap, stretch, write, create, destroy, read, watch, listen, learn, teach, think, shower, shave, brush, rinse, floss, burp, fart, sports, music, news, movies, tv, internet, routine, variety, travel, volunteer, school, vacation, laugh, smile, have fun, flirt, frolic, fuck, fight, scream, shout, sing, dance, bumble, be bored, train, improve, decay, grow, decline, suffer, hurt, heal

Sunday, July 10, 2016

corporate relevancy

some thoughts

49ers (Jesse4 Teshara9)
Warriors (god is a man of war)
JLT (Jardine Lloyd Thompson)
    also, Harvard Journal of Law and Technology
UA (21-1) United Artists
BK (2-11) Burger King
Jesus/see SJ = Christianity/Jesuits (a type of corporation)
76 (gas station chain)

wag: Walgreens, Wag! (dogwalking service)
(I worked at Walgreens around '94)(I'm currently a "wag-walker")
    wives and girlfriends, wild-ass guess, women's artistic gymnastics

Saturday, July 9, 2016

My Number

Jesse Lawrence Teshara

10,5,19,19,5                1,5,1,1,5              13    4
12,1,23,18,5,14,3,5     3,1,5,9,5,5,3,5     36    9
20,5,19,8,1,18,1          2,5,1,8,1,9,1        27    9
                                                                __    __
                                                                76    22
211 (baa! says the member of the sheeple)

(base 10)


Friday, July 8, 2016


Anthropomorphized, comes calling, with sharp scythe, what fun!

sums to 2
rhymes with Beth or Seth, and meth breath.
Has DEA (drug enforcement agency), 
eat/ate/tea, de- (to reverse something), at, the, ted, hat, head, hate.   

full word anagrams:
1.hated, (for most, I imagine death IS hated)
2.the ad. (death to advertising agencies!
psych manipulation, mind control) (I hate ads!)
(thanatos- the death instinct/urge, attractive to some)
(orgasm, "little death")
3. The DA (district attorney).  (Adi Da's last name?)
(da is russian for 'yes', nyet?)
-thade is not a word-
4. had ET (never mind that, where's your hed at?)
5. heat D (smiling at heat, e.g. cook, sunbather, devil)
6. de-hat (what my dad enforces before sitting down to eat a meal)
7. head T
-top Teshara, alpha-male, alpha-female perhaps, top dawg
-T as cross/irate: annoyed or irritated with head-shocks, or voices
(schizophrenic symptoms I suffer);
-or unhappy with any kind of mental illness, generally, your own or others.
-head cross. A tattoo? Mental. Crucified thoughts (nailing a concept?).

Letter by letter, breakdown:
D, smile emoticon. All the D-words (beginning with D). how many words (in english)?
e.g. Death= smile, eat God. Smile, hate.
(d, lower case, phallic, like b or p or q). death= penis hate.
The 4th letter; hence any thing/person/word that relates to 4.
Four (the only number with the same no. of letters) and
(a friend -yes, it's his name, Four Nguyen)
(De in Davis, Woodstock's pizza owner)
or words that sum to 4, such as David, or Al, or Jesse,
or male, or antichrist (how many words?)
(a simple computer program to sort any lexicon
into each numerological sum, from 1 to 9: the 4 list)
for, fore, four (3,8,6)
althea (substitutes al for d, both sum to 4)(a grateful dead song)
4th in any list (Numbers, for example, is the 4th book of the bible)

E, 5, E-words, e.g. electronic (e-mail), ecstasy (E), E! (entertainment tv network)  Ellen, elle (magazine, 'she' in french), 5 pointed star, pentagram, Wicca.

A, 1, ace, 4.0 grade, perfection, a-hole. Eh? The A-team. All a-words (#?)  AA, AAA. (don't drink and drive)

T, 2, cross, Mr. T (Larry T- dad, Lawrence Teshara, or Laurence Tureaud), terminator.

H, 8 (hate), hospital, honda, heaven, hell, hannibal, breath (pronouncing h with an exhale), huh
heroin, horse, happy, hello, hug, hi, high, hum, hm, ho ho ho, healthy, hologram, etc.
Hennessy (cognac, mom's maiden name), Helen, Heather.
H as code for God.
  (breath, in the beginning, moved over the earth, sort of thing)

So play mix and match, and have fun with DEATH!!

smile the A!
the wages of sin
I really liked Terry Pratchett's depiction :-)
GR, the Grim Reaper, was funny, too (Monty Python)
DE at H (David Eldridge@H)
voidable hit on / biathlon video ('oblivion death' anagrams)
death metal, e.g. Slayer

"when your number is up" 4, 22, 499,
(15115, 31595535, 2518191) 13, 36, 27.  76. 
Jesse Lawrence Teshara, spirit of '76!
J 10.  JLT, 10,12,20.  42!  :-)

(murder, assassinate, slay, kill, execute, dispatch,
waste, ice, liquidate, eliminate, smoke)
  (masked-wiles!) (walked semis) (mad wise elks)
  (sake wed slim) (weak lid mess) (male kiss wed)

Going Off!

A Rant of Blathering Insanity!
Hello! My name is Jesse. Jesse Teshara. Jesse Lawrence Teshara. Jesse, in spanish, can be three names: Jesus, (hey zeus), Chuy (pronounced chewy), Isai (accented second I – eesa-E). Didn't jar jar binks say eesa? Lawrence is my dad's name, (Larry T), with law in it. Teshara is Portuguese, from Teixeira, anagrams to 'as earth' or 'as heart.' Anyway, 'Jesse' (see SJ, the society of Jesus, aka Jesuits) means ''The Whole Office of the eucharist,” or God's gift. Esse is 'being' (like essence), in Latin. So Jesse is being J, being 10, as well. What would Jesus be? BE!   Being both, either, (or neither) Jesus and Satan? I will explain. T.W.O., as well as 'Jesse' sum to 4. 256, and 15115, respectively. You understand? AJS 1, BKT 2, CLU 3, DMV 4, ENW 5, FOX 6, GPY 7, HQZ 8, IR 9. It's a really simple cipher. The numbers themselves distill down to 2467. (Also, the sequence of ZOTTFFSSEN). One 7, Two 4, Three 2, Four 6. All 1! as Dr. Bronner says on his soap bottles. The 4th book of the bible is numbers, of course. It's why Summer relates to sums (count the days back to school), and the count Dracula is numbing (body count). Five 6, Six 7, Seven 2, Eight 4, Nine 6. Count 1. The eucharist is, in fact, chewy. Eucharist 5 (you a christ). Jesus sums to 2 (as does jew/jewish, beast, G-D, Lucifer, white, and black, for example, for starters). Eggs ample. Dos (Spanish for two), sums to 2, too. Too 5. I believe there is a mathematical substrate to language 5 and consciousness 4. It's (one reason) why people say uh or hey, or tap their fingers, for example. I also go by Jess (8). God sums to 8. 8 sideways is the symbol for infinity. Sum 8. Allah, therefore, can be deconstructed to signify “all a H.” H is the 8th letter – all a God! The bible, of course, doesn't say God is 8 or 2 – God is One (neo, rearranged). The beast (with two backs) is of course when 2 become 1. That's why Jesus is so sexy. God is all about love and unity. If you have babies, maybe you'll live forever! Love is 9. Lawrence and Teshara both sum to 9. Jesse Lawrence Teshara: 499. 22. V. J is the 10th letter. Letters let. Numbers numb. Meaning means. Average rages. Jesse is being J. Being 10. Satan, say 10? 11215, “say, ten” Ten is net backwards. My birthmother is Annette V. Riddle. V as in vampire (ima perv). Riddle as in Voldemort (lord move T). Annette as in (inter)net. Catching fish. Fisher of men. And killing and eating them. Interesting? Inter is to bury. I live in the sf bearya (bay area). SF makes me think of Sucking and Fucking. Orgasm is called the “little death.” Bury ya. Death, D eating H. Corporations, corpse rations (omg). Meat, me at! Death is hated, but meat is loved (but the suicidal love death, and vegetarians hate meat). Meat is team, also.  (Am te.  am jesus christ.  bread, b-read (jesus=b=words in red)=meat/am te=jesuschrist).  Same letters, rearranged (a limp bizkit song).  Which cide are you on? Offense. Off the fence, cow! Accept your fate! Ack, sept. Fat-E. Father, fat her. 10 is a perfect score. A penis and a vagina. Input and Output. Binary, 1 and zero. Information Overload. I owe, so off to work I go. Dios, 49 operating system. Go, niners! Numbers: Neo, t sf. Neo, to San Francisco. Internet, backwards: ten retni. Evokes ic, eye see, the retina. See the light! The holy see. Being born (again?)! (out of the hole, into the light/jesus). Jesus 2 is God 1 because sex 3 makes baby 3. Reproduction 5 is the holy 6 trinity 7. Unless you think of oral, anal, and vaginal. Male 4, female 6, (forensics!), child(ren). right 8, left 7. My cock, 25, jesus christ. Either, both, neither (BEN). 3 nails, Passion 3. Pow 9, Power 5. Six 7 is sexy 1. Larry 2, T 2.  team christ 8.

Is this madness? Have I gone off the rails? Did you enjoy it?

Wednesday, June 22, 2016


Magician (reality is a toy)

object levitation, self-levitation, flying, pass through objects / dematerialize.  self/object teleportation.  space-travel impregnability, self-sustainability: no need to eat, drink, breathe; indestructible: self-repairing, self-healing, ability to turn off pain, no cancer, non-flammable; access to omniscience, perfect memory (memory-erasure? Suicide option? Telepathy, reverse mistakes); time-travel, immortality, time-freeze/halt; combat mastery, athletic talent; super-strength, no-aging/controllable-aging; morphing: appearance/size/form mutability (human/animal/object); infinite universes/worlds to traverse, enjoy, master, and experiment with (alternate timelines, planets, realities); health, money, sex, fame, drugs, love, music, movies, books, variety, wisdom, happiness, heaven; food, drink, comfort, sanity, forgiveness, humanity

or I could be a happy rock :-)
it recently struck me that windows are "wind ow", but only to lead me to the next thought, which is wind doesn't feel pain (just like a rock).   Speaking of being a rock after I die, Everybody is white (in their bones!).  ha.

I just read Lev Grossman's 'The Magicians', so I thought I'd revisit this!

Friday, June 3, 2016

My Politics

If I were a politician:

First, address suffering.  Then, seek Happiness.  Individual by Individual.  (reducing suffering is a happy project itself, of course!)  I do not mean providing a lifetime supply of heroin for all of humanity!Or even sex, for that matter.  I think the Buddhist dharma of extinguishing greed, hatred, and delusion is on the right track.  I've hopped on the 'Attachment and desire are chiefly responsible for most suffering' train.  Sometimes happiness makes you smile, and sometimes smiling makes you happy.

Basic Need met, for all, worldwide.  "Throwing money at problems" only for this category, in my opinion.  Well, there's infrastructure, too.  So that, too, I guess.  It's kind of a Social/Collective Basic Need.  There is more than enough money and goodwill on earth to meet all need.  No hunger, malnutrition, starvation (nutritious food, clean water);   Shelter and clothing and blankets;  (Quality) Healthcare, available free, for all.  Sanitation.  Free Education, Internet, Libraries available to all.

Compassion for all life
Pro-life ethic: No war, death penalty, abortion, or nuclear weapons.  No borders, no militaries, no police.  Security: Self-defense taught to all.   Universal aikido training, and global training for safe use of handguns.  I think everybody should have their own gun that nobody else can use, activated by a ring, for example.  Crazy people wouldn't get very far in a planet of global gun-ownership.  Close to my heart: No mind control, or unwanted telepathic intrusion.  As many social contracts as needed for all to agree to the law they live under.  Also, meat is murder.  Respect for all life.  (maybe excluding cockroaches, or other animals that pose health threats)

I'm voting Bernie.
Even though he's not pro-life, vegetarian, or specifically clear about his bank plan.  He IS, however, right about most everything else:  College should be free, elections shouldn't be bought, those who work hard shouldn't live in poverty, healthcare is a human right, war is hell/obscene, and people like the Waltons should pay their fair share. 

If libraries are free, and the internet has wikipedia and free college courses, and higher education used to be paid for by the government for soldiers after ww2 (for example), then we should see the current system for what it is, a scam and a profit-seeking enterprise that can and should be made free for anyone who qualifies.  People can still pay, of course, if they want to (but why would we?).

Humans are animals that are basically programmed to eat and reproduce.  That's one perspective on the big picture.  Abortion is like the holocaust, and even more sinister, in a way, convincing pregnant mothers to kill their own babies.  It's inhuman and obscene.  Adoption, on the other hand, is kind and loving and human, a noble act that I, having been adopted myself, am grateful and appreciative for.

That's what I have to say.
You, a God of equal stature, are free to believe otherwise!

So that's my politics.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Me, lately

an update

-My friends Sara, Pierre, and Augustus went to Nairobi, Kenya!
They'll return in a month (in June).

-I bought an a.c.t. ticket to Chester Bailey, opening night, this Wednesday at The Strand in SF, 1127 Market.  My cousin's husband (cousin-in-law), Dan Clegg, is playing the title character.

-I'm having dinner tomorrow at my parents house, with my aunt Rosemarie, and bro Greg and Liz and nephew, Benjamin.  I've got an oatmeal raisin (non gluten-free) cookie for my mom, which she loves, and a movie dvd (The Aristocrats) for my dad.  I re-watched the movie, today.  I'll probably go to the Glen Park library in SF (which opens at 1p on Sundays), to hang out and read the paper, mags, etc. before showing up at my folks' place.  It's across the street from La Corneta, a mexican restaurant which I like, too.

-I checked out Glen Greenwald's book from the Oakland library, No place to hide.  I want to read Han Kang's 'The Vegetarian' which is in the news for winning this year's Man Booker Int'l Prize.  I started reading Sapiens, by Yuval Noah Harari, a gift from Pierre, who got it from his dad.  Also, Sara gave me, and I finished reading, Lev Grossman's 'The Magicians.'  Excellent!  Now I'm reading Bill Bryson's 'At Home.'  Jonathan Franzen's 'Purity' is up next (on deck).  7/1 update: I've read all of the above, except Kang.  I'm finishing Grossman's Magician trilogy (The Magician King, and The Magician's Land), and I've checked out Diamond's Guns germs and steel.  9 books, all good!

-I voted on Friday for Bernie (exchanging my No Party Preference ballot for a democratic one).

-My brother promised to take Ben (and I!) to the train at Tilden park (there's also a carousel and petting zoo), which looks fun.

- I made a list of people I know whose names (or nicknames) refer to animals (!):
Marlen, Karibu, Duv, Kat, Ant, Nat, Tick, Mare, Snake, Wolfe, Beever, Cougar-Crow, Parrot, Tiger.  There's also famous people like Flea (or the red hot chili peppers), Robin (williams).  And I saw a guy named Mosquito on a tv dance show.

-I weigh 205.  Aiming for 189, and no belly-fat, preferably with some abs/definition.  Then, I'll start lifting, to gain weight/muscle.  That's the plan.  Hopefully, I'll stop sleeping in, and get motivated to fill my days with my ambitious reading projects, as well as fitness goals, with music of course, and maybe even dating.  If I get sane (!), maybe I'll make more money, too.  Madness has its perks, but I really want it behind me, anyway.

Monday, May 9, 2016

God Poem

God in Berkeley

God is good! God is love! God is a man of war!
God is the Creator. Reality is all the God there ever is. God is always and everywhere.
Eternal and Infinite and Omnipresent and Limitless.
All-knowing, all-wise, omniscient
All-good, merciful, beneficent, kind, loving, forgiving, compassionate, benevolent, perfect, just
All-powerful, omnipotent
Alpha and Omega, first and last, beginning and end, birth and death, conception and oblivion
Eternity, Forever, Always, Never-ending, Infinity.
Immortal, Big
I am

God is evil! God is hate! God is a woman of peace!
God is the Destroyer. God only exists in theory. God is never and nowhere.
Never and Finite and Temporary and Limited
Ignorant, Deluded, Know-Nothing
All-rotten, vicious, cruel, unkind, hateful, unforgiving, malicious, spiteful, imperfect, unjust
Weak, impotent
Nonexistent. Ephemeral, Transitory, Impermanent
Puny, Mortal
Is Not

(S)He is All these things and more
(S)He is None of these things and less
Always and Never
Is and Is Not

Allah these things!  Nun of these things!
Real at the United Nations
Imagine (airy) -John Lennon song
False.  Fall ssss.   Untrue.  A UN truth.  
Virtual.  Virtue'll (contraction for 'virtue will')
Always -all ways.   You can't spell Never without Eve.
Infinite has fin and nite w/in it.
Imperfect - I (a)m perfect (!)
Remember, the art of war is deception
I'm about truth, and not much of a warrior, I guess.
Go Warriors!

Saturday, May 7, 2016


music spells

1.  Roy Masters said music was bad (hypnotic)
(hypnosis, hip gnosis, no sis)

2.Audio/music in background, all day (in some households)
(a constant presence, and apparently not annoying/distracting)
-Heuser's radio / Pat Brown's tv

3.Good music is timeless, isn't a fad
(Mark Wetters, overheard in dining hall at UCD)

4. Music is "compressed emotion" (an academic lecture)

5. Radio: Ray Dio, radiowaves are part of the electromagnetic spectrum.. (Dio is a band, means 'God')(ray of light is a madonna album)(ra is a sun god) (radio technology is "magic," like the voice in my head (can be perceived as) (psych tech? "on the same wavelength")

6.Music as a mathematical expression/translation of reality
(thought on a walk outside a practicing garage band in Roseville)

7.A soundtrack to life (life as a movie) (e.g. amped, motivated, heroic)

8. Biological! (heartbeat, breath, walking pace)

9.Primal! (such as a drum circle) (evolutionary, african)

10. Life as a dance (reality, physics -"Dancing Wu Li Masters" -book by Gary Zukov)

11. "Muse" -ic (inspiration, also evoking breath)

12. Dreams, enya, morpheus (god of dreams)

13. Guy/criminal in movie (I forget title), always wearing headphones

14. The "beat" (a band, a store, a word for winning a fight, from just the drummer) conflict: good vs. evil, religion: jesus vs. devil (violin, chess), part of matrix.

positive and negative

plus and minus, addition and subtraction
creation and murder?
god, devil
good, evil
sex, death

some more good and bad polarity:

vice, virtue
pain, pleasure
agony, ecstasy
hell, heaven
torture, heroin
hate, love
war, peace
slavery, freedom
depression, joy

isolation, intimacy
loneliness, friendship
tears, laughter
tragedy, comedy
twisted, content

a new twist:
tv twisted vice
cvs     crime vice sin.     
          charity, virtue, service.
          cthulhu voldemort sauron (!)
dsm death/saved, miracle
etc  evil twisted crime

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Why So Serious?

God's Sermon, 5/1/16
Every day is a chance to start anew, afresh, again. To develop, to get closer to perfection. To make progress toward life goals, achievement, success, however you define them. To find love, to be fully informed, to make money, to be busy, to relax, to enjoy a meal, music, a good book, friendly company.  To surf the web or surf the ocean. To exercise, sweat, get stronger, healthier, fit, well, maybe even sane. To read a poem, research a topic on wikipedia, make a new friend. To try a new experience, go to a different religion's service, challenge oneself, mix it up, undergo intentional disruption and variety. Travel, experience culture shock. Take drugs, expand your horizon. Have sex, experience something new.  Or submit to a ritual, repetition, routine – solidify something otherwise vaporous. Life is short, and temporary – Live! Have no regrets, and seize the day, carpe diem, my friends. It's all good. Take a trip to hell, and be the richer for it, for heaven is not a place, it's a state: not being in hell. Heaven is in contrast. That's really it. There's always something better, there's always something worse. From heroin to torture. You get maybe a hundred years, and then it's over, that's it. You are programmed to reproduce, but you can seek satisfaction elsewhere. Friend or foe, everyone is family. Humanity is one big hive mind, and you are a part of something bigger, the historical sweep, a contemporary of modernity, which is simultaneously The Past's great future, and the deep future's forgotten past. You can conceive of yourself as the pinnacle of achievement of billions of years of evolution, or the start of something far bigger or far better. You can do nothing. You can be motivated to Be Important. It makes not one whit of difference, AND it makes all the difference. Everything is true. God is love, and love believes all things. Only God is good. Don't be bad. Be God. Be a part of something bigger. Be a part of Reality. Well, you don't really have a choice, actually. You're God and you may not even know it. Can you imagine not being a part of reality? It's all real, even the fiction, the false, the virtual. Libraries are filled with alternate reality. Chemicals. Cultures. Technologies. Dreams can transport you to unseen lands. There are 6 billion human universes on planet earth right now, sharing one real world. There is far too much to do. I am sorry. Mortality sucks. But everything is fine. We're all in the same boat. Enjoy life. Enjoy death. Embrace it all. Suffering is good. Virtue only exists as an opposite of vice. Peace is appreciated most after anger, hate, war. Everything ends. Death is hated, but even the hated is in fact loved. There is nothing more to say, nothing more to do. Completion. Fulfillment. I am satisfied. I lived. That's all there is. Life is but a dream. Your life was a movie, had a soundtrack, was experienced by more than just yourself, was depressing and pitiable, as well as miraculous and wonderful. Adios. To God. Reality is all the God there ever is. And it is good! Even oblivion. You were a bubble that popped. Temporary, fugacious, transitory, ephemeral, passing. A speck in the vast, an infinitesimal moment in eternity, a drop in an ocean, almost nothing. And yet you were your all. Treat your body well, it really is a temple for your soul, even if souls don't exist. Your mind can be molded, just as your body built. Your shape, your form, is a bubble in the stream, the mainstream, the flow. Make it a heavenly body. A happy place. A bright light. I could be bound in a nutshell, and yet count myself a king of infinite space! (-Shakespeare) I am a finite speck, and yet comprehend the infinite All. Well, maybe not. I go around the sun a few times, and I'm an expert! Ha. I can conceive of infinity, in any case. I may be realized, but I haven't thought (of) everything. There's nothing new under the sun, the good book says. Yet, every day is a new day. Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death! May the force be with you! Namaste. Nam myoho renge kyo. Nanu-nanu! Insert meme here. Drink up! Cheers,
Jesse (God)
see sj (dog)

Seriously Funny, Strong n Fit, Special Forces, in San Francisco, uck uck! 
Completion? Fulfillment?  Personally, I've got a lot I want to get done...

all the books in the library? all the music? all the movies? for starters.
or even just the bestsellers, most recommended, or award winners (!)
master aikido? achieve bodybuilder status/strength?  write/research my own book?
make money, raise a family, travel, become healthy, well, Sane?
day by day, progress, improvement, betterment, development!
Sane & Fit

maybe I should be happy now.  This could be as good as it gets.