Unique Visitors

Welcome!

I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

acronyms and deconstructions

a few of them, anyway

healthy: thy hell
sick: smart intelligent caring kind
ill: in love w/ life
mad: misery anguish despair, mom and dad
pain: pa in (god: get out, dad)
past: pain agony suffering torment
pastor: " oppression repression
lord: life or death, light or dark
jesus: hey Zeus, Jess u
sid: sick ill diseased
sad: sick and diseased, stupid and dumb, sad and depressed,
        schizo-affective disorder, social anxiety disorder,
        seasonal affective disorder, separation anxiety disorder,
        sexual arousal disorder
staph infection: sadism torture agony pain hell

bad: beelzebub and devil
blood: be lewd
vampire: ima perv (you suck)
cannibal: can o' bull
steak: stake
bible: buy bull.  horns, horny.
eye teeth (ET), see with your k9s (guide dog: g-d)
    seeing eye dog (sed: thirst, in spanish)
g-d: getting drunk
sax and violins: sex and violence
wine, whine, winnie, win E (ecstasy?)
grape: gr rape, gr ape, therapist: the rapist
well: we will, we'll (a "tall drink of water")
host (hostile hostel), wafer (wafer me outside)
eucharist: eu a christ
   (ukelele wrist)(hostess cupcakes)
alien: a lien (on your property), a lion (in zion), a lyin' (dog!)
hat: hunger and thirst
food: foo-fighters (alien technology)
consume: con sue me
great: gr eat, gr8
rabbit, presbyterian (bit, byter)
knight, mourning, break fast
fruits, vegetables, nuts
   (all 3: an insane brain-dead queer; ur what u eat)
joy dish soap, luvs diapers, kind bars, smart water, harmony snacks

glad: greg liz and declan!
lgbt: liz greg ben teshara

Monday, February 20, 2017

He Wanted to be Superman

He wanted to be a superman.

Superman.  Superhuman.  And not just a super human.  He wanted to be the best.  The best he could be, superior, excellent, wonderful, perfect.  Be all you can be, like the army says.  To reach his potential, to use every brain cell, to be at 100%.  He wanted to be the best.  In every category: the beauty of Arnold, the wealth of Bill, the trivia mastery of Ken, the goodness of Mother Teresa, the combat prowess of Morihei Ueshiba, the genius of Christopher Langan...with the longest lifespan, the most children, the most books written/the most books, read, and the highest level of sustained happiness possible.   And power.  He wanted God-like power.  Not necessarily as President, or even as a Mayor- just the capacity to create the world in his own image, behind-the-scenes, if need be.

But wait! There's more!
Perfection also entails spiritual mastery: The equanimity and bliss of the Buddha, honestly obtained through meditation, reflection, thought, study, discernment; not from a lifetime supply of heroin, for example.  A large part of this would be the crushing of madness, and a lifetime of sanity.   Loving, loved, in love.   To think/say/do/be good/better/best.   To be happy, cheerful, joyful, humorous, kind, gentle, grateful, satisfied, content, strong, fit, healthy, well, sane, appreciated, respected, admired, in service, productive, loved, emulated, sought after.

In sum,
He wanted to unify together all the pieces of the perfection puzzle, to create Himself into an ideal:
Knowledge (educated, informed), wisdom, money, power, beauty, lethality/invulnerability, goodness, perfection, joy, love, longevity, courage, creative-genius: the many facets of an exemplary life, a life well-lived, honest and honorable, virtuous and valued and victorious (over the forces of darkness: ignorance, incuriosity, stupidity, and evil).

This was his goal.   A simple goal.  He was a simple man.
(Self-realization.  To be Himself.  To simply be.)

He realized Sanity might not be in the cards (not playing with a full deck?) (you deal with the cards you're dealt)  Or, a little madness in the mix could be a necessary component of true sanity.  People are cards, characters, forms, roles.  But also are unique, with distinctive identities, and true essences, colors, selves, behind the masks/facades/presentation.   It's a mad mad world.   And you can also choose to have no fixed identity, to be all things, in potential and possibility, playing any required role, when "the world's a stage," with the freedom to be all things to all people, anything to anyone.  Is the world predictable, like a computer program/matrix?  Or an infinite canvas of interesting individuality?   The world may be mad, but hopefully we can keep it from being a threat to itself or others!  And, stated positively, we can keep/make the world peaceful, prosperous, and happy/content, filled with truth, beauty, health, love, and respect.  Both individually, and as universally as possible: Love thy neighbor, love thyself, love all, serve all, Be Good.  A thousand points of light, as they say.  Basic needs and comfort for all.  Health care as a universal human right. Craving and aversion, positive and negative attachment, eliminated.  Know thyself, extinguish resentment, and remember that is better to do nothing at all than to do harm: there can be virtue even in inaction.  Don't give evil purchase.  Extinguish greed/desire, hatred/malice, ignorance/delusion; Be mindful, and kind.  Don't be a dick.  Every day is a new beginning.  May the force be with you.  Be a man for others.  Do a good turn daily.  Be prepared.  Namaste :-)

(Namaste is a sanskrit/hindi respectful greeting: the god in me bows to the god in you.)  Maybe sanity has saint in it for a reason.  Remember, only God is good, and we're all good; So you ARE God.   Well, I am, anyway.  I am ______(fill in the blank).  Yup, whatever it is, it's God!  Unless you put in "not."  Although, I suppose that works, too.  God is a man of war, and the art of war is deception.  So you can say anything about God, He doesn't mind.   For example, God is a fiction, fantasy, imaginary.  I'm still here! ha.  God is a dick?  Well, I guess so, actually.  And any other body part you care to mention, or Richard, or a shithead/butthead/head-butt, or bastard, born out of wedlock, like me.  God is a brain.  God is an asshole.  God is a fist.  God is a pussy.   God is a body.  God is a corporation.  Reality is God.  God is everywhere.  Evil.  Hell.  Disrespect.  Depression.  Stupidity.  Death.  Madness.  Demons and darkness.  Scum.  Bullies.  Depraved criminals.  Torture.  Lies.  Oblivion.  Apocalypse.  Absurdity.  Spite.  Resentment.  All this blog's incessant babbling.  Your comments.  It's all good.  Even the shit.  Cruelty to be kind.  Baby ruthless.  Praise God.  Holy wombat, batman.  Nee!  As McDonald's says, "I'm lovin' it."  Love conquers all, the sadistic fuck. 

Why am I saying evil is good?  Exploring the logical extension and implications of statements like it's all good and God is everywhere, for starters.  Because evil is everywhere, ubiquitous, banal, delicious, and even fun.  Because I'm insane.  Because one man's evil hell is another's sacred paradise.  Because maybe it brings succor to the oppressed, hope in the goodness of the bigger picture, the long arc of history and justice.  Because God is great! and vengeance is sweet.  Because life is shit, God doesn't exist, and I felt like spewing some philosophical graffiti.  Because I hate you.  Because I hate myself.  Because it's all my fault.  Because I'm delusional.  Because I'm trying to make sense of the world.  Because I am a sinner, and because I am also God Himself, just like you.  Because I'm full of shit.  Because I like to think, to write, and be right, and find truth, maybe by making some mistakes in the self-apotheotic learning curve.  For the hell of it.  Because hell is good?  Because justice, and vengeance, and love.  That sounds about right.  Love gets twisted.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

My Recent Reading

a daily project

The Economist, weekly news (on phone)

The Bible, by Karen Armstrong
Buddha, by Karen Armstrong
Anansi Boys, by Neil Gaiman
American Gods, by Neil Gaiman
Trump Unveiled, by John K. Wilson
The Best American Mystery Stories, 2002.  and 2004.
Apocalypse Cow, by Michael Logan

on deck:
Newbery winners:
    The Crossover, by Kwame Alexander (2015 winner)
     Crispin: The Cross of Lead, by Avi (2003 winner)

    (Criss Cross, by Lynne Rae Perkins, (2006 winner)
        is the third newbery book with 'cross' in the title)

and
Atlas Shrugged
The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand
(borrowed from Sara and Pierre, not the library)
plus,
Dragons at Crumbling Castle (and other tales), by Terry Pratchett
(a library discovery! a TP kids' book :-)

(buddha, apocalypse, criss, atlas, fountain "on deck" a/o 2/20/2017)

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

today's credo

it could change, tomorrow (!)

My Godfather, Richard Zonca, once told me, “If I were omnipotent, I would change a lot. If I were omniscient, I wouldn't change a thing.”

Well, now, at age 45, I have a blog where I expound my spirited philosophy that I am God, and you are, too. We all are. And I don't mean we're all one person, in some spiritual sense, or that everybody's me, or that all in all is all we are. These are interesting concepts, but I don's subscribe to any of them. The most powerful person on earth might be God, in a sense, unless it's a space alien. The smartest person might be God, although I suspect computers do most of the thinking for us, these days. Only God is good, and we are all good. The most powerful act is the act of murder.  But there is always a bigger fish.  The body of christ is the christian church, which is a type of corporation. Jesus himself is long dead. We are all mortal, every one of us, even the psychos who believe they are vampires. It's an inescapable law of biology. And astronomy. Tick tock. The sun is getting closer to exploding, one day. Your cells are replicating. We are all dying. Every day is one day closer to death. Fetuses are destined for dust. God is all-powerful. We will all die. Time has our number.

Aside: Time, that is me. Reading this post is consuming your precious time. Thanks for your time. Time, Tim E. Christ, Chris T. Lord, life or death. Some shit with the diamonds, some pearls before swine, or, as they say on the street, “it's all good.” Meme: me, me.  The word Grace has Meaning.  mean gr, for example.  (manger, german?)

We are animals. We are things. Souls do not exist, unless by soul, you mean body. We are our bodies, only our bodies. Mind is seated in the brain. Our brains admit 'vibes' and 'voices' and dreams, all the time, not just at night. We inter-penetrate each other. Humanity is a hive-mind. We are corporate. God can be defined as 'the source.' God is love. We open our minds to those we love. God loves us. Everyone loves to be loved, and we should all return the favor. Vanity, all is vanity. Frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense. That's actually biblical.

Is this hypnosis? Which God is the Creator, to which God do we owe allegiance?  The Father-Son-Holy Spirit? Allah? Brahma, Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh, Hanuman? Zeus? Wotan? Thor? Ra?

Well, whatever.

It doesn't matter. Do whatever makes you happy. We are all good. There is a law of karma, perhaps. Be good for goodness' sake. Let time do the killing. There is always hope. Suicide is always in error. Thou shalt not kill. Love thy neighbor. Meat is murder. Eat the rich. Go climb a rock.

God-like power!!
You are all-powerful in your own "you-niverse", your own domain, with the power to
make yourself happy, to make your world good
to be healthy, wealthy, and wise.
to create good/destroy bad
and love, be loved, be in love
with a little help from your friends!
   (such as Ben Franklin, or the Beatles, or me!)

math
Go forth and multiply, divide and conquer, make a difference, in the summertime. 

Friday, January 20, 2017

Happiness, II

Felicidad, Part Deux

Besides immortality in love (whether virtual, or in the real-world)...
(from saving our genetic code, and teleportation, etc.!)
    (meeting the right person, going to heaven...)
a more realistic programme-

Mortal Happiness:
1.friendship, family, dating, volunteering, a fun job, being social
(and caring for animals; pets!)

2.sexually active; delicious/nutritious (vegetarian?) meals
     (good food, and the occasional ben n jerry's)
     (home cooked, restaurants, picnics, dinner parties, potluck)

3.enough sleep, naps, relaxation, meditation, doing nothing

4.money (translates into happiness only partially/imperfectly)

5.watching tv/videos/movies, going out to the movies
     (ted, youtube, netflix, mooc's -e.g. oyc (yale)/coursera)

6.listening to the radio, pandora, itunes, cd's;  live music.
     (music, comedy, audiobooks, philosophy talk, joe frank)

7.reading (books, magazines, newspapers) library/online
    (google, wikipedia, email, blogs, J!, joke archive, onion, etc.)
    (learn to speed-read, improve comprehension/vocabulary)

8.meds, drugs, pharmaceuticals, medicine, medication
   (3 factors: right drug/prescription, dosage, frequency)
   (doctor-mediated, or self-medicating)(be careful!)

9.exercise, endorphins, "better than sex" -schwarzenegger
    (daily maintenance, or -ideally- improvement); stretching.
    (walking, marathon, swimming, yoga, bodybuilding)
     (look good, feel good!)

10.lifelong learning, education, teaching, writing, research

11.do stuff!
   recreation
   discover and go
   garage sales, flea markets, thrift stores
   arts and crafts; origami, basketry, woodcarving, metalwork,
      ceramics, pottery, drawing, painting, watercolors, sculpture
   mastery, polymath, scholar-athlete, renaissance man
   different jobs, roles, activities, projects
   build things (e.g. kit car, fence windmills, a new invention)
   start a business
   write a book, blog, journal
   gardening, cooking
   crochet/knitting/needlework/embroidery/quilting
   topiary, apiary
   hiking, camping, getting out into Nature
   go horseback riding, trail ride
   fishing, hunting
   scuba, snorkel, surf
   hot air balloon
   hot shower, hot tub
   parades, state fairs, festivals
   roller-coasters, parachuting
   climb a tree.  go climb a rock.  go fly a kite.
   travel, learn languages, experience culture-shock
   learn to play an instrument
   massage
   museums, zoo
   opera, ballet, theater
   go out dancing
   stand-up comedy, humor, laughter
   play/watch sports (e.g. lawn bowling, horseshoes, pingpong)
   play games, videogames
   learn martial arts, self-defense, e.g. aikido
   spiritually active in diverse communities
   achieving personal goals
           overcome suffering, achieve bliss
           being happy, for any and no reason at all.
           finishing reading all my book lists (!)
           curious, engaged, disciplined, motivated, dedicated
           simplicity
           sanity

aside:
-success is personal, defined by everyone for themselves (or should be)
-making a "bucket list" isn't a bad idea
-personally, competition and winning aren't my focus.
i see the light!:
-if life is but a dream, you may have to wake yourself up from the nightmare.
-enlightenment is possible, even in darkness
(perhaps even especially in darkness)
-God is much more than a garage door, lol.
-hm, I just noticed 'sanity' has 'saint' in it.

12. Virtue (a component of happiness)
(unless, for you, "happiness is a warm gun")

for me anyway, for example, virtue includes:
you are trustworthy, honest, sincere
(not manipulative, cynical, and post-truthiness)
virtue imparts self-respect.
(i.e. making the world a better place, development)
compassion, mercy, kindness (seeing others as equals)
faith, hope, love ("the greatest of these is love")
(i myself do not respect faith that is blind, or irrational)
charity (unless you're an Objectivist)
equanimity does not mean you shouldn't be an Activist, imho
gratitude, positivity, cheer
safety, security, contentment, joy
health, peace, prosperity

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Happiness!

rooted in Truth

Let's start from the beginning.  That would be the Big Bang.  Scientists tell us that's when spacetime originated.  By my lights, however, there was an infinity of time beforehand, in the past, just as there is an infinity of time ahead, in the future.  Can physicists and mathematicians refute this?  Is "the end of time" a rational, logical phrase, or is it in fact meaningless?  (with the exception of the more poetic reading, interpretation, of our own individual inevitable deaths?)

Maybe the answer doesn't even matter.  Our doom could be approaching from somewhere at the speed of light.  Or the sun will expand, engulfing the earth.  Or global warming will make the earth uninhabitable, burning us all to a crisp.  Or... on the other hand, time is irrelevant, because time-travel and teleportation are possible, and humanity can live in a loop, or a figure-eight, such as the symbol for infinity implies.  A collective groundhog day, or all of us inside a computer, or something.  But is immortality possible?  Would it even be desirable?

Does time really double back, and intersect?  Apple computer is located at 'infinite loop drive.'  Do they know something I don't?  Has the future visited us?  Have aliens?  So many interesting questions!   Without knowing the answers, I adhere to the belief that life is too short, 100-odd years not enough, and immortality desirable.  Life is good!  Oblivion is unfortunate, as is aging, and pain/suffering.  If life can be secure, comfortable, pleasant, fun- in short, utopian/heavenly -then it ought be pursued.  If life only holds suffering, i.e. war, torture, hell- then even 100 years is too much. 

But if reality holds the possibility of love, then eternal youth, for a lifetime of happiness, should be a scientific goal, a holy quest.

What are we, what is it that ought be extended?  We are animals, bodies, not souls, or gods/demons.  We are what we eat, less what we excrete.  We are the roles we play, the activities/jobs we choose.  We are our dna, in the environments/time/culture we find ourselves in, as well as the ones we choose for ourselves.

If we make a heavenly environment, then we should make hardier bodies, to fully enjoy a timeless existence of life and love.  Exercise, fitness, health and wellness, with the goal of daily maintenance and improvement, such as body-building and yoga and vegetarianism and a vibrant sexuality, is a good place to start.

Children are a kind of immortality, perhaps.  Books are another (as is any other kind of creation or artistic creativity).  Although we ought keep in mind the Tibetan buddhists making their sand mandalas, to remind us of impermanence.  I saw a TED talk that gave me pause, however.

It showed, like an encyclopedia set, a set of books with an individual's entire genome printed on it.  I would guess it was like 50 volumes or something.  The full content of our genetic code can be identified, saved.  That could be made immortal, no?  We could be made anew, either cloned in the real world, or the data operating in a virtual reality.  Or both?

The relative value of different portions of our dna should be fully investigated, and eventually understood.  Then, happiness can be maximized, while suffering minimized/reduced/eliminated.


Monday, January 16, 2017

Types of Sin

10 words, 5 types?
You are free to construct your own typology, of course

For Catholics,
the categories are omission/commission, mortal/venial, and original.
mortal is also called serious, or grave

there's also the 7 "deadly" sins,
which are also called cardinal, or capital.
(p.a.l.a.g.e.s): pride, avarice (greed), lust, anger, gluttony, envy, sloth.
(or, sage pal, like Budweiser!)

ocmvosgdcc
ccc; commission, cardinal, capital
god! (g.o.d.:  grave omission deadly).  (grave original deadly?) ha.
also, good: (grave omission original deadly!)

I wonder if the Pope thinks the gay pride parade is sinful.
Actually, though, I don't really care.

there's the 7 deadly sins, the 10 commandments, and
some woud say CRIME is a sin,
or going contrary to "community standards," whatever those are.
such as impiety, blasphemy, unbelief, unfaithfulness, subversion?
know what I mean?
 
such as: manslaughter, reckless endangerment, assault and battery, indecent exposure, attempted murder, obscenity, statutory rape, animal cruelty, motor vehicle theft, bike theft, shoplifting, vandalism, arson, littering, resisting arrest, obstruction of justice, jaywalking, for example.

criminal categories/actions, technically, but perps might not be in fact -psychologically- guilty
justified, even, perhaps.

deconstructed:
Man's laughter? Wreck-less? (requiem), ass-salt (bacon?) and (rechargeable?) batteries, decent exposure (depending on your body!), walking like a bird (jay), t-heft (the weight of the cross) / finders keepers, drinking red rum at murder burger in Davis (the banality -and deliciousness- of evil, like a hammerhead shark), obscenity (like -ubiquitous- porn?), South Park says sex at 17 is fine (therapists and grapes), fly swatters and raid for ants and tearing butterfly's wings and throwing snails, and factory farming for carnivores is the truly obscene imho (said the shrink to the pig, you know what your problem is? you're delicious),  (cat words: category, dedicated, the book '101 uses for a dead cat', catechism of the catholic church, curiosity, cat's eye bike lights, cat got your tongue, eating p, diapers), lifting a shop (?): like maybe the incredible Hulk could? (ink-red), Vandals -an east Germanic tribe that had kingdoms in the 5th century, arse-in'/our son (don't  be an ass), kitty litter and also the babies of pets!! (a parallel to the term 'white trash', or even abortions), Teshara: t' share R.A. (resisting arrest) (but who wouldn't, really); and OJ (!) (obstructing justice).  4 eggs-ample.

mosquito: a mosque in Quito? (capital city of Ecuador)
Funny thought:  Being Good is a form of Resisting Arrest!  Guilty?

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

The Word 'God'

Good without an O

such as orgasm, offence
 but
God with an O is still good!

Go D! or go, D.  (get out, devil) (get out, dad -pain: pa in)
or, G  o.d.(overdose) (too much 'g')

dog:god, as lived:devil
 (marines are called 'devil dogs') (I am a 'lived god')

Gulf of Darien, Game of death, glory of death,
gravity of disease, graduate of Davis
gulp of dandelion-wine

Good old days, good orderly direction, go out dancing!
grand old duke, goals objectives discipline
grieving over dead, grief of distraught, glad of death
governor of district, green or democrat, GOP or democrat
(Al) Gore or (Gray) Davis

God or devil
Godly/good or diabolical/demonic/depraved
gratitude or dismay, grow or diminish
glad or depressed, grieving or delighted, gleeful or dour

gavinblood or d.a.g. (deputy attorney general)
glowing or dark, glamorous or dull, gone or dead, great or diminutive
grandpa or dad, german or deutsch, german or dutch
genius or dumb

G-D
google discovery, good/great day, global development
Gray Davis, Gina Davis, Grateful Dead, Green Day
Gangster Disciples, Great Depression, greatly disillusioned
Gd (gadolinium), Georgia Dome (home of Atlanta Falcons)
general disarray, grave digger, gold-digger, graduate degree
glory days, guns-drugs, general destruction, giant dick
the great divide

and, of course, Garage Door, lol (open, sez me)

Monday, December 26, 2016

Christmas double-speak

Mary Chris must! (what a pear)
 (and Hoppy Gnu year!)(rabbits and wildebeest!)

Santa's sleigh (1. satan's 2. slay), santa claus (3. claws)
fireplace (!) 4. he will?, he'll: hell, 5. dec-ember,  6. w-inter
grace, manger- (7. gr- ace, 8. m-anger)
let us pray (9. let us?)(10.prey)
mistletoe (11.missile tow) (TOW missile: tube-launched, optically-tracked, wire-guided)
12. christ, cry-st.

and a few more:

berth
(k)night
mo(u)rning
a-wake
fun-eral
rude off the red knows, reign dear.
blood: b-lood (be lewd)
sweetheart (can o' bull!); heart anagram, hater.
stockings: stock kings

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Wisdom from On High

The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Read, lol
(some principles and virtues)

Love and be loved! Be in love.
Accept one another for who you are, and all is right, well, and good.
Everyone is a child of God (love)
and even the devil has a sweet inner-child
        in need of love
        and averse to pain

Life is good!
Be Happy for any or no reason at all, and do your best to
be strong, fit, healthy, sane, well, and alive!
and
to make the world a better place:

Development, progress, improvement, betterment, change
Kindness, growth, charity, mercy, curiosity, virtue
humor, laughter, fun, play, creativity, joy, cheer
compassion, equanimity, resolve, discipline, friendship
thriving vitality, appreciation, gratitude, sincerity,
innocence, trustworthiness, helpfulness, bravery, thrift,
cleanliness, security, comfort, variety, honesty, hope.

(you may have noticed some omissions from the scout law*, you are free to add "to taste")
(also, there's a whole book of virtues by seligman ("character strengths and virtues"), for a more comprehensive view, perhaps -which I still haven't seen)

diversity, community, inclusion, teamwork, competition, wealth
eat, drink, and be merry!  To health, wealth, and happiness!
Satisfaction and contentment and well-being and joy
life, love, and laughter - look good, feel good!

Be Good!  Just Think/Say/Do it

Intelligence
(learning and wisdom, l.a.w.):
Mindfulness, discrimination, curiosity, research, google/internet, education, questioning, reading, listening, watching, observation, science, writing, teaching, challenge, discipline, motivation, dedication, determination, drive, guts, sharing, testing, theorizing, creativity, engagement, knowing (biblically!).

open-mindedness, changed perspective:
travel, culture-shock, different languages, different religions, new music, reading, writing, role-playing, acting, lying, movies, exercise/fitness, drugs (in moderation), different jobs!  willingness to step out of "comfort-zone," "psychological travel," reality-testing, thought-experiments.

Gettin' crazy (mci): madness, craziness, insanity.
Let's get crazy! -Prince, Seal
(but maybe not -legally or clinically- insane, though...)

to read-
Apparently, not everyone thinks charity is a virtue.  I'm going to read some Ayn Rand and see what all this Republican libertarian "objectivist" madness is about, for myself (Atlas Shrugged, Fountainhead).
 
*a scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent (the scout law).
3 other scouting guidelines:
be prepared (motto). do a good turn daily (slogan).
and, of course, the Scout Oath:
On my honor, i will do my best, to do my duty, to god and my country, to obey the scout law, to help other people at all times; to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.

I'm not sure it's possible to help other people "at all times," but it's a worthy goal, nonetheless!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

All RIght

"It's all good"

Hypnosis is everywhere, and religion is all about trying to make you happy. 

God is everywhere (omnipresent0,
in your mind, in your body, in the world, in the universe
in space, time, energy, matter
present, permeating, perfect, in potential and possibility

God is love (loving, and being loved, the source of all goodness):
God is good, kind, forgiving, benevolent, merciful, compassionate
God is everywhere + good=  thus, everything is good.
(thus, nothing is bad)

all-knowing, all-wise, omniscient (intelligent, curious, educated)
he understands, he knows, he comprehends, he hears (your prayers)
(a global telepath!)
knows, biblically.  in sex, orgasm, intimacy, love (soil).
knows, overstands / understands. 
truth, reality, virtual-reality,
enlightenment.  the dark side, too.

God is all-powerful, can do anything, can answer all prayers
(omnipotent)

religion
music and dancing and singing and shouting and clapping hands,
community, cum-unity.   grace, gr-ace.  praise, p-raise.  pray (prey).
God the father, God the creator, the holy family (holes)
sex love intimacy touch, ecstasy orgasm cumming
hugging kissing, sucking fucking

when you're in love, both loving and loved, the world is All Right.
But we all know life is a work in progress, evil exists,
and there's a dynamic, a dialectic, a thesis/antithesis/synthesis,
in which problems get fixed, and evil is made right,
and growth, development, change, improvement, progress, betterment
happens (because shit happens).

In fact, I suspect God thinks It's ALL WRONG
because reality is FAR, FAR off from possibility, potentiality, perfection.
So that's what God is (an attempt at hypnosis, in pursuit of progress)

Plus,
evil can be a lot of fun
if you're a monster
(even bad can be good, from a demonic/devilish/diabolical perspective)
devil= d-evil.   4 evil.  For evil.
fun is good!!
but pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish
      anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury
      sorrow, sadness, weeping, wailing, crying, tears
      depression, oppression, repression
      gnashing of teeth, hopelessness, despair
      cruelty, ruthlessness, savagery, torture, brutality
      wickedness, evil, depravity, sin, crime, hell
      illegal, criminal, unlawful, wrong, immoral, unethical, bad
      iniquity, transgression, turpitude
      unfairness, injustice

should be minimized, reduced, eliminated, overcome, fought

Upright Moral Probity ire.   Umpire calls the strikes.  Shot-caller.
God knows.  He knows if you've been bad or good.
So be good for goodness' sake.  (< or the japanes rice-wine)

Wells Fargo

I had an unpleasant experience there today

I went in to the bank this morning to exchange coin rolls for cash, and was greeted by a man who asked me how I was doing, which apparently is his job, which I ignored, because I didn't feel like being cheery, to which he asked again, so I lied and said fine or something.   I told the teller, a woman, that this man was a "cheer nazi," because he was making me feel unwelcome for not being happy.  I have the right to be unhappy, goddamit.   Okay?  Alright?  There's a lot of shit to be unhappy about, and actually, this employee is just one more reason.  Seriously, that's his job?  What a stupid job, if you ask me.  Get a real job.  And if I don't feel like engaging with him, he shouldn't get aggressive about it.   After I told the teller I felt unwelcome, he continued (passive-aggressively) with an insincere "have a nice day".   FU, asshole, and  F U wells fargo.  Maybe I'll put my money elsewhere.   You know, they didn't even reply to my suggestion that they put the total (checking plus savings) on their website.   Strike two.  If they really want me to be happy, they'll have some sensitivity that not everyone feels like being cheery with complete strangers, or forced to act cheery, or felt unwelcome after not pretending to be cheery.   Shit happens.  There are zillions of reasons to be unhappy.   Forcing people to pretend to be happy is just another reason, okay?  I shouldn't have to mention Syria, the Phillipines, the Oakland fire, Trump,  pain, sympoms, grief, or what have you.  Stop trying to cheer me up.  I don't even think the greeter enjoyed his job.   I don't need it, I don't like him, and I resent having to deal with this shit every time I enter your goddamn bank. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

New Nephew

While in Belize,
Greg (my brother) and Liz (his wife) had their second son,
Declan Gregory Teshara
who I am eager to meet,
and be Uncle Jesse to, as I am for
Benjamin and Augustus, already

all ready?  all brownie?  all greenie?
not funny, oh well.
Neither is pointing out Niger, Haiti, and Ireland,
being like
Winnie the pooh, shattuck,
krusteaz, murano, compass, and country (!)
And, if you're hungry, there's also Bolivia, Chili, Syria, Turkey (ha!)

I've never heard the name Declan, but Sara has.
'deck-lin', I believe
 reminds me of elan, a french word (also used in english)

Happy Birthday!
I am so happy the birth went well. 
Weirdly, Declan's birthday happened exactly on the due date, which was also Greg's 37th birthday (!!) What a gift, eh?!

Belize

Back in Berkeley

It was really nice.  More than nice:
Lovely, beautiful, relaxing,  needed.

I got a sunburn (shoulders), though.
That, and a tweaked (right) elbow,
and blisters on a thumb and toe.

un-Belize-able.  Kenya Belize it?
I didn't go to Kenya, but I have a hat
I bought a t-shirt and a basket
(and brought home some shells, too)
I miss it already!
(but it's nice to be home, as well)

We (Sara, Pierre, Augustus, and I) went to Caye Caulker
pronounced Key Cocker
there are 3 theories how the island got its name:
sailers actually caulking their boats
"corker" - sailers getting cork for their casks
and the anglicization of "hicaco" (the coconut plum)
(so that's why it's not mentioned in Wikipedia)

Belize used to  be British Honduras
They speak English
The gvt, (but not the people, actually, I'm told)
wanted independence, which they got in 1981 (recent!)
They use BZD (belize dollars 2bzd:1 american dollar)
both currencies are used.

The motto there (in CC) is: Go Slow
which I've taken to heart, and brought home with me.
We ate well, and I spent like $300+
I ran out of money, actually, and made it simpler,
by putting things on my "tab" (to SPA)
which was not strictly tabulated,
but i'm told is around $150
I bought gnc omega 3, and muttivitamins before i left, too.

I have a dogwalk today (at 1p, Orion)

so ya, Pierre and I went kayaking, and saw
some big fish (turbot?), some divebombing pelicans, jumping fish
(and of course i single handedly fought off an alligator
while P got speared by a swordfish!)
we also biked around the island, and saw
the cemetery, catholic church, wildlife sanctuary, rasta church,
asemblea de dios, casa de dios.
I was told not to poke around the cemetery.
hopefully i didn't get zika, but all of us got bit.
the 4 of us came in by water taxi from Belize City (where we spent a night).

(belize of the beast)
cheap food, panty-rippers
We ate well, ate italian twice, met Dutch travelers
(I learned Holland is a province in Netherlands)
The two taxi drivers (from, to the airport) were helpful
There's drugs, corruption, cronyism, "bosses"
 but also
swimming in the ocean with Augustus,
swinging in hammocks
riding in golf carts
and seeing shad, needlenose gar, melodious blackbird,
red-throated frigate bird, miniature crabs (and sand-mites!)
there were pigeons, petrels(?), a humming bird, ants
and we saw a small jellyfish, pulsing
as well as globs of jelly (kinda egg shaped) (ambergris??)
(I recently learned ambergris is "whale vomit")
Lots of stray and wandering free dogs (including Ipu (e-poo))
we didn't see seahorse, or sea turtle, or sharks
(because we didn't scuba or snorkel out by the reef)
there were little ant-hills in the sand in the shallows, underwater
We stayed at Wish Willy's (air b and b house, i think)
we saw wild lizards and (grey) iguanas
(my belize t-shirt has a (green) iguana on it)
it was hot and we kept the fans on.
SPA all went out swimming while it was raining.
I thought of enya (caribbean blue), and madonna ("tropical the island breeze")
reggae was popular

I brought Moby Dick to read, but didn't
Didn't go into the jungle (but the flight in came over a lot)
so no howler monkeys, jaguars, toucans, or climbing pyramid
i'm told the pyramid is rebuilt, not authentic.
the cave-tubing was praised by Joy, next to me, on the flight to Houston.
We considered taking the "manatee madness" tour.
global warming, the island was hotter than usual (but i liked it)
balmy breeze (say cheese! -ha, a reference to brie)
maybe next time! You better Belize it!

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Off to Belize!

update

So I'm flying with friends to Belize this week.  30th thru 5th.  Then back to dogwalking.  I was told over Thanksgiving dinner by those in the know (Chris and Sarah had their honeymoon there) to bring mosquito repellent.  Flip-flops might be good.  I have sandals.  I'm reading Moby Dick, The Economist, and of course the Belize lonely planet guide (with a section on Caye Caulker).  I've got Belize City weather on my phone.  Looks like thunder storms!  I'll bring my meds, my phone, my book, enough clothes, and repellant, along with my passport, in just one carry-on (that fits overhead).  Don't need much.  It's a chill-out destination.   I'll help Pierre and Sara with Augustus, kinda like a nanny.  My folks are helping with the airfare.  I'm always updating my budget (daily), and I have about $4100 bucks.  I don't need to bring much, I think.  I should say I'm thinking of buying an e-bike.  People always ask, are you excited?  No.  Not much.  I'm just hoping for safe flights, a safe water taxi to the island, not getting robbed, and not getting Zika!  I've had a rough week, symptom-wise.  Schizophrenia is a BITCH.  Really, seriously, hellish, sometimes.  Not just annoying, but painful.  Maybe I need a med adjustment.  Anyway, I helped my folks with the Christmas lights on their tree today, in San Francisco.  I took Bart out to Glen Park, and rode the 23 bus up Monterey.  Greg helped bring the tree in, yesterday.  I hope the lights don't start a fire.  We split the strings to two outlets, to be safer (the base of the bottom string got hot, and blew a fuse).  Benjamin's new brother or sister is due soon.  Uncle Jesse, otra vez.  Tio Chuy.   We don't know the sex, or name, yet.  They speak English in Belize, former British colony.  Thanksgiving dinner was delicious.  I offended Liz' dad, John, by not greeting him, which I feel bad about.  There were 13 of us, plus bump...  I just immediately started playing with Ben, instead of being social.  He said I discarded him like an old shirt, or something.  I don't know what to say to that.  Well, so it goes.  Ugh.  Sorry. I sat next to the sheriff, Vicki.  I asked her if her email server was secure, lol.  And she read the Terry Pratchett book I gave her last year (with commander Vimes).  I had a burrito again from La Corneta, at Glen Park (carne asada super, black beans, spicy salsa), with a snapple.  I like the trivia.  Today's fact?  I forget.  But I told my mom that jellyfish don't have brains.  Which I picked up from the "weird-o-pedia" Oakland library book that I just renewed online yesterday.   I forget why the topic of fish brains came up.   And I forget what airline we're taking.  I have the itinerary in my (greatly backlogged) email.   I remember what I forget, lol.   It was good seeing (my cousin) Patrick.  He wants to backpack Europe (maybe alone), which sounds fun, if/after he gets approved for permanent disability.  My status will be reviewed in 2018.  I hope I get well, but I also am anxious about losing my benefits.  I didn't win yesterday's lottery, lol.  I got 47, though.   DoG!   I see all these homeless people, and freaks me out, but on the other hand, maybe I can find a rewarding and enjoyable career.  But I also want to read hundreds of books, to say nothing of the daily/weekly news (ny times / economist).   I'm not sure I want to pursue dating.    Maybe I'm better off alone.  Sara and Pierre could move to New York, if bitcoin gets approved for atm's there, I think is the situation.  I'm still listening to a lot of music, mostly college radio.   10:20, past my bedtime.  JT :-)  goodnite.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Does Anyone Deserve to Die?

I say no

Everyone dies, the wages of sin is death, there is not one who does not sin.  Only God is good.  Only God should play God, and by God, I mean nature/time.   Everyone should die of old age.  Premature and unnatural death is wrong.  Thou shalt not kill, vengeance is mine sayeth the lord.  Karma is a natural justice system, unlike the forced human legalistic one.  Even torturers and terrorists should not be killed.  Life is good!  Life is a gift, precious, and temporary.  Prison, not death, is a better punishment.  The best justice system, however, is repentance, forgiveness, and freedom.  Repentance and the resolve to be good, not to commit crime.  "Go forth, and sin no more" should be the end of it.  Adding punishment to the original crime only adds to the suffering in the world.  There is always the possibility of virtue, being/doing good, in the future.  All life has meaning and value.  Hate the sin, love the sinner.  Killing killers isn't justice, it's hypocrisy.  

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Reasons NOT to kill

As if you need to be told

1. Aids.  prison rape.  incarceration.  hell (on earth).
2. Hell (forevermore)
3. Love.  The victim loves/is loved (parents, family, soulmate).
4. God's law.  God says not to.  Sinful ('Thou shalt not kill')
5. The victim has a long life ahead of him/her.  Finality of death (life unlived).
6. It's suicide.  The victim is you.
7. The victim has character, is interesting.
8. karma. justice. vengeance. ("the price of sin is death")
9. suffering.  theirs, yours.  guilt.  animals'.  well-being.
10. k-ill.  it's sick, unhealthy, diseased, unwell, ill.
11. it's criminal.  self-image: you are not a criminal.  you are good.  you are not a sinner.  you love yourself.  self-respect.
12. just to prove you're not possessed, to defy the devil, to have mastery over your dark side, to be like yoda.
13. the greater good, everyone is better off alive, life is good.
14. to set an example.  live and let live.
15. to resist temptation.  superego vs. id.  supremacy of conscience over hate.
16. to go to heaven.  (joyful immortality) (heavenly reward)
17. for love

In sum,
sin, guilt, crime, punishment, hell, foregoing heaven/love, respect, self-respect, maturity, willpower, kindness, perspective (we're all in the same boat), righteousness, hope.

fuck you, Satan!
(demons, hellions, vampires, monsters, criminals, the wicked -are not your 'crew')

happiness, bliss
pacifist.
No one deserves death.
Everyone is their own universe.
No one lives forever.
Time entails potential for progress.
Everyone's life has meaning.
Let God play God.  Acts of God.  Time/Nature (senescence, old-age) are best.
Murder has 4 victims (victim, perp, loved ones', society)
Sex, intimacy, touch, orgasm, ecstasy.
loss, grief, sadness, pain, despair.
Life is good!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Trains, Trains, and More Trains!

train of thought, locomotive breath
4 names: choo-choo train locomotive (and iron-horse)

engine, injun
crazy train (all aboard!!)
casey jones, grateful dead.  drivin' that train, high on cocaine..
   (casey jones you better watch your speed. trouble ahead, trouble behind..)
   (and you know that notion just crossed mind!)
loco, crazy.  motive, component of a crime.
   (a locomotive is different from a train.  i didn't learn that til yesterday!)
   (an engine is a pretty loco motive to commit a crime)
   (but maybe an injun isn't)(the train made me do it!)
choo-choo (sound of the whistle)
iron-horse (how many horsepower?)
whistle, horn, bell.   steam whistle.  air horn.  brass bell.
toot toot! honk honk! ding ding!
clang clang!  (crossing guard, signal)
     (uh-oh! watch out! beware! caution! look out, here i come.)
      here it comes.  getting closer.  waving. hi! going past.  bye!
steam engine.  black smoke, white steam.
burning coal heats the water into steam to power the engine
steam pressure, let off some steam, release
old steam engine train, cow-catcher, caboose
cargo/freight train.  passenger train.  amtrak.  bart.  light rail. muni.
trolley, street car.  electric trains.  third rail.  overhead power lines.
diesel engines.  tssss.  brakes hissing, like a snake.  sibilant.
training bra.  c.i.t. (counselor in training), sports training
flat cars, box cars, tank cars
piggy back shipping containers, intermodal
bridges, ascent, descent, up up, down down, climb,  coast
i think i can i think i can.  the little engine that could.
through the tunnel, inside the mountain, light at the end of the tunnel
runaway train (movie)
derail, (derailed train of thought)
tracks, rails, ties, spikes, rock/gravel bed
toy trains, thomas, lego trains, xmas trains, narrow gauge
the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys
chugga chugga, chuff chuff chuff...
"de-train" (term used by amtak conductor)
engineer, conductor
sleeping car, dining car, viewing car
double-decker, coast starlight express, capitol corridor
anna karenina/suicide
tied up on the tracks / homicide
ellen trainor (actress), E.T.
pull, push
"shunting wagons"
coupling
trucks, trailers, trains, tracks, tram, trolley, travel, trip, trippy
roundabout rotates, swivels
scenery
old/new, bullet trains, maglev (magnetic levitation)
commuter trains, stations, station-master, stationary
museum, wikipedia, youtube videos, google pics, tilden park
zoo train, disneyland train
choo choo Chuy.  chew your food.  charleston chew. chewbacca.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

American Money

3 stats

The average American is

$15,762 in credit card debt
with
$27,141 in auto loans
and
$48,172 in student loans
----------
$91,075!

The average household income is $53,482
Trump wants us to double it.

Me?
I don't have any debt.   I only buy with what I have, within budget.
I get free food pantry groceries.   free library!
my brother pays for my iphone (ongoing xmas gift)
my mom pays for my gym membership ($35.20/mo)
My rent is $725 (includes wifi/utilities), (about a dollar/hour!)
(I get $615 in social security/mo)
I have a disability (schizophrenia, a mental illness)
(i use a disability bart pass) (i'm on the Kaiser medi-medi plan)
(my meds -olanzapine, risperdal- are $1.20 (!), plus free dental, vision)
(my folks are paying for my trip to Belize with Sara, Pierre, Augustus)
I have made $4280.10 to date from Wag! (sinch March this year)

today
I have $4066.12 in checking plus savings, a/o today.
I am currently reading Moby Dick, by Herman Melville
income-
    - I have a noon half-hour walk today with Toshi, in Oakland  :-)
expenses-
    - No car: I bike, bart, or bus (mostly bicycle)
    - I'll visit the Apple store today to fix my ipad; and get phone help:
     (center button doesn't work, and photos are out of memory)
     - And i need to renew my driver's license at the dmv. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Making America Greater Again

Trump

Well, the USA will have a new pres on 1/20/17, and it's The Donald.  Amazing.  The polls yesterday said he only had a 16% chance.  My uncle won the bet he made with my bro's wife.  I voted Hillary, less enthusiastically than my vote for Bernie, and read her entire wikipedia article, read the first 200 (of 900, large print) pages of her Hard Choices book, and looked at her website.  She'd been preparing for president almost her whole life (aside from wanting to be an astronaut).  I never read Trump's wikipedia page.  I haven't even seen his tv show.  I'm not even clear on what's attractive about being conservative, truth told.  I know Hillary used to be Republican, and Trump used to be a Democrat.  I watched Oliver's youtube videos about the wall, and drumpf, and raisins, as well as the litany of Trump's offensives from Seth Meyers, and it all sounded pretty convincing.  I still don't think the wall is going to happen (at least on budget, or paid for by Mexico!!).   I actually believe in open borders and precedence of humanism over nationalism.  I barely even consider myself an American.  When I recited the pledge of allegiance as a teenager at the Boy Scout summer camp, I changed it to united states of the "world", and to the "unity" for which it stands, one "planet" under (or over!) God.  I was hoping he would get a tv channel, and Hillary would show us what she could do, having achieved her life's ambition.

I guess the election was kind of a personality-contest.  Trump is occasionally funny, while Hillary always seemed dour, and her giddiness feigned (to me).  Also, there's "the secret", which says you shouldn't be against war, for example, because that just causes more war; you're supposed to be FOR something.  Hillary made the campaign less about pro her than about against DJT, which only worked to his advantage.  Thirdly, Hillary is pro-choice, which, in my view, really does make her a "nasty woman" (which is better than calling her a baby-killer).  Hillary is personally against abortion, but didn't have the cajones to be for legislating prohibition of what she actually considers wrong.  Then again, I wouldn't enforce vegetarianism...

ANyway, I liked Trump's brief acceptance speech.  It was inspiring, the bit about untapped potential.  I myself am trying to escape the hindrance of being mentally ill.  America is already great, but twice as good sounds even better!  Did I hear him correctly? He wants us to double our GDP?  I'd like to make twice as much, for one.   He made his victory about us, less about him, which I liked.  I'm trying to be positive, making good of this.  (He who creates hell deserves hell.  If he's really for torture worse than waterboarding, then that's evil.  That will not make America safer.) I know he collects bibles.  Does he have a Koran?  Does he believe in karma?  There are 1.6B muslims in the world, almost a quarter of humanity.  They are not the enemy.  Only a few.  He pledged to serve all Americans, and that's quite a diversity!  And a public servant should be about reducing suffering, increasing happiness, and not simply the almighty dollar.  God is love, and love believes all things.  I'll try and believe Trump will be a fantastic president!  And maybe the Waltons won't be as selfish, for example.  The red hats, I hope, are not code for HAT-RED.

I actually like raisins, lol

Friday, November 4, 2016

electric!

Some thoughts, having drunk the electric kool-aid

I am shocked!  Currently charged with battery?
elect Rick!  he has +'s and -'s, though.  elect Ron.
does he live in the tri-city area?
the train conductor will take you there
coffee makes me wired
we made a connection
after meditating, i was grounded
ac/dc rocks
i'll contact my agent
knowledge is power
in shock, needing medical assistance
electrocution reminds me of bug-zappers (and fry's electronics)
electro-magnetic (energy, spectrum, radiation)
force fields
resistance is futile
breakers on the beach
use the force, luke
pee: power, electricity, energy

The Latest

the late test
my personal "noose"paper
good mourning

busy day today
1.reported last months income/paystubs to social security (self-employed, independent contractor)
2.library- skim ny times, acquire food resource sheets to distribute to beggars
3.gym- watched tv during stationary bike, learned about 9 day stock market record
4.gnc -$87.58 of food.  free protein bar. (member discount, plus coupon)
5.3 dogwalks, 2 hourlongs, 1 half hour.  I really don't like night walks.
   (Sparkle, Zephyr, and Tank)(made $63.50)
   (i still have $50 itunes, $50 amazon)
6.bkly food pantry- shorter line than usual, 2+ bags of groceries
7.also, McGee church free lunch, plus "shopping" table of 3 salads, and 1 wrap.

esp
extra sensory perception
every single problem
espanol (spanish, in spanish)
esp.  especially

music
a. the universal language
b. the healing force of the universe

body types
Rusty Jeffers, John Terilli, Ashrita Furman
Jim Morris (vegetarian bodybuilder)
(I bought 2 strawberry gnc amplified wheybolic extreme 60's today, with coupon)

everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

apocalypse conversation:
M- "The Gospel teaches love, not the apocalypse "
(in reference to Harold Camping, a "very bad theologian" who "missed the rapture and got to die like the rest of us."  died in 2013.  the end-times hoopla I remember was in 2011.  I heard him on the radio while I was tuning in to the World Series.
J-Aren't there 4 horsemen?
 M-"lots of imagery.  horsemen, angels, vials of wrath and plague and pestilence, lots of symbolism: Christ the Lamb slain..."
J-The wages of sin is death, there is no one without sin.  So the victory of good over evil is when we all die (I interpret that individually, not a collective extinction).   How's my theology, presbyter?  I had a delicious lamb gyro the other day, lol.  Poor Christ, always getting eaten.  I think the worms must have got him long ago.
M- "The wages of sin are death, but the free gift of God is Eternal life through Jesus Christ.  Romans 6.23.   Salvation is a gift we receive by faith."
J- Well his beliefs I guess are an ongoing ("living") meme.  Belief= be lie F, whatever that means.  Be truth A?  I don't think oblivion can be overcome by anyone, faithful or no.  But I'd like to be surprised.  Flying horses are kind of like Santa's reindeer!

similar-sounding, easily confused words:
simulated, stimulated

recent reflection
feeling asexual, misanthropic, possessed/sick, even dumb
sss.   social security, sibilance, still sad about Sarah Salazar.
         g-d (dead and gone)

v's
'why don't you order the economist'
'it makes you feel well'
'i'm swallow, jess'
 'your soul is toll militant'
'it's a weed puppet'
'you ARE my money.  huh.'
i know you'll turn eventually
into a somewhat human person
you're law as well
i know you're a vegetable
is why i know it's weird
i fucking can't do it.  i can't do anyone.  because you're law.
u r loose if e
jess you still trip out everybody
i'm not right (x3)
i've never been capable of handling you
no more sugar for the next year, do you understand?
you have a fat ten
that is a fat jew to you
no one has ever done what you did
jess u r a little bit genius interesting
you killed my children jess
you can be Satan jess
here's why.  you're law
that is your net
that is your weekly problem
jess you've got it all me to slay
you have what it takes to become an exTREMEly well individual

recently read books:
Grunt, by Mary Roach
Between the World and Me, Ta Nehise Coates
The Box, by Marc Levinson

on deck: Belize (travel guide), Moby Dick, Weird-o-pedia,
Hard Choices (by HRC)
(also hard) looked into Hard Problem, a play by Stoppard
   -my cousin-in-law, Dan Clegg, is in the A.C.T. play currently underway (the review i read online by Rowan Hooper of the New Scientist was unappreciative- think I'll skip it)

dinner on Sunday with parents in SF
will bring for mom:  tupperware, (repaired) bracelet (bday gift),
oatmeal raisin cookie from Adeline's bakery.
can of cranberry sauce.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Fashion Advice

Clothing and Fashion

Naked is beautiful. But, unfortunately, it's usually illegal. So, when out of the home, or not on a nude beach or tolerant foreign country, you must be attired. What to wear? If you consider the question trivial, or not worth thinking about repeatedly, you can follow in the footsteps of the illustrious Albert Einstein, who only wore grey, so his mind could remain occupied with weightier things/matters. If you don't mind spending time and money on the sartorial, and all things fashionable, you might subscribe to the principle of 'look good, feel good.' Naked SHOULD look good, so if you don't like your appearance, the gym is a good place to start. The reward is worth it. In tandem with this, however, you should wear nice 'threads'. Dressing well really does help you feel good. Even space-time is considered a “fabric.” Priests are “men of the cloth.” And people with a surfeit of personality are “colorful.” Intelligent people are “bright.” If you feel bad, making yourself look good is a good first step to turning your frown upside down. First impressions are important, and you should dress to impress. Vestments are an investment! And your personality will conform to the image you seek to present. You are an actor -all the world's a stage. Every day is Halloween! Or, if you're not dressed to kill, so to speak, you can dress for success, because every day is a costume party! Your image, of course, is more than your body and your clothes. What you say, what you don't say, how you say it, including body-language, and your hair, facial and otherwise, as well as scent, all matter. Don't burp, fart, spit, pick your nose, sneeze and cough, any more than you would shit or vomit in public. Some things should remain private. Flatulence, eructation, expectoration, and excretion should not be on display. Smile. You're on your way.

This is of course all highly superficial. You want your quality to have depth. Don't talk to yourself. Talk to God in private. Be happy, and others will want to be around you. Be interesting. Cultivate wisdom and knowledge, be curious, there is always more to learn. Love life, and your enthusiasm will be infectious. Life is good, so do what you must to beat the blues (unless you're a democrat, ha). Make yourself useful, and do what you're good at/appreciated for, and enjoy, and you will making a living while having fun. Life should not be an endless series of chores. Play! Variety, as they say, is the spice of life. Mix it up! Keep yourself challenged, motivated, growing, interested. If you're bored, then you're boring, Tony Robbins said. And success isn't just money, or even necessarily monetary at all. You're worth is not you're “net worth.” You can make the world a better place just as much as Bill Gates. Thrive, alive! I suspect a lifetime supply of heroin, intelligently “strung-out” could make you as happy as anyone ever was or ever could be. But a better plan, I imagine, that will keep you alive (a lot) longer, is being in love, first with yourself, then your life, then a significant other, then with everyone, in the realization that we're all in this together, and we all face the same problems, and we all want to help each other out, toward mutual peace, joy, comfort, and knowing. Bliss lurks everywhere. Being happy is not as impossible as it can seem, and in fact can be as simple as pumping out some exercise endorphins, listening to music, reading a poem (or all 3 at once).

I like writing, and making lists of happy things to do. Maybe you should, too. Cultivate positivity, and eventually everything becomes enjoyable. Eating, napping, watching, listening, reading, talking, being creative, traveling, thinking, playing, learning, teaching, knowing you did your best, it's all good. God says thou shalt not kill, so maybe crushing thy enemy shouldn't be on the list. But learning self-defense is always a good idea, I think. If you live right, maybe you won't have any enemies.  I believe God loves the devil, even though he's a piece of shit. Even shit can be helpful, no? Being in love is the ultimate answer. Everything is some shit, lol. Progress requires destruction, time entails death, and comfort pain. Hatred is a challenge that is ultimately a joy to conquer, if you manage to not be consumed by it. That's all I have to say.  

Friday, October 21, 2016

Gloom and Doom

General Dynamics and the CIA
G-D

also, General Dynamics, the world's 5th largest defense contractor.
They make the F-16.

(3) cia's:
Cal Institute for the Arts (have a cousin who went there)
Cairo International Airport (CAI, iata code)
Central Intelligence Agency

plus (5) "embeds":
Drink Lupicia tea and take Cialis with Felicia Ciara Garcia!
words containing 'cia' :  LINK

(11) same letters:
ica, islamic consultative assembly (main legis. body of the iranian gvt)
      iron chef america (tv show)
      region, province, capital, and river in Peru
      immaculate conception academy (in sf, my mom went there)
aic, alice in chains
       arab-israeli conflict
aci, air crash investigation
       alameda county industries (local trash and recycling)
iac, international access code (telecommunications)
cai, computer assisted instruction
       cai rivers (Brazil) (Vietnam)

God is the central intelligent agent?  omniscient!
G-D: google discovery

Turn that frown upside down!
gloom and doom / grieving death to
giddy/glad/gleeful/gratified/grinning delight!!

"good god!" -korn
                     -james brown

Thursday, October 13, 2016

I Support Hillary

ish

with 2 caveats-
1.her giddiness strikes me as feigned.  my god, get real.
2.and pro-death:
she's a hawk, and pro-choice, and carnivore, who supports the death penalty

but I still like her
and I dislike Trump (a lot)
link

Her and abortion is like me and vegetarianism:
I see all the arguments, and consider them valid, but can't bring myself to close the deal.
I like meat!
She thinks abortion should remain legal!
(despite personally seeing abortion of an "unborn person" as "morally wrong") link
We should both change and not be hypocrites, I suppose.

(although killing your own baby seems worse than killing a farm animal)
we all have failings.  nobody's perfect.
(except God? your perfect self, as the Pope being infallible would attest)
(even Jesus said "why do you call me good.  only God is good.")

anyway,
I read HRC (which also stands for both the Human Rights Campaign, and Commission)
is a devout Methodist.  She goes to the FU Methodist Church, lol.  (Foundry United).  Methodists believe:

"Do all the good that you can, by all the means that you can, in all the ways you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can." -John Wesley, founder of Methodism.

If that were all there is to being Methodist-
We should all be Methodists! (I like the Dead Milkmen song, Methodist coloring book)
method to the madness: atheist methodist! a.m.
I am.

Also, I like Bill (a Baptist)
Bill thinks life begins with breath (the spirit of God).
It's a fact, though, that life starts at conception.
Maybe we should think of orgasm as the spirit! ("omg")

i don't want to be evil,
but I honestly don't think there's much difference between
squashing a bug
from shooting somebody.
Humans are just another kind of animal.
I live with a "bug" in my head, and would love to squash him, which i guess is the devil's way of aggravation in the pursuit of bringing me to the dark side).
"lead us not into temptation" ("deliver us" from evil)

Thou shalt not kill.
You should not kill.
Don't kill.
Killing is wrong.

That's what God says, right?
Is God lying? (god is a man of war.  the art of war is deception -sun tzu)
"it's all good" (is that biblical, too?) (god is love. love believes all things)
is it the devil or god who wants you to abort?
is it still wrong if neither exist!! (i think so)
again, adoption is the loving choice.
nobody can judge their baby to be better off dead, no?
Life is good!

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Green Or Democrat

GOD, lol

I got my ballot in the mail, today.
17 state propositions (51-67)
I've got both the democrats' and the greens' endorsement lists.
They differ on 6 of them. (51,54,60,61,63,65)
I'm told the best way to choose is to see who the backers/funders are.

51. Education?
I believe in pursuing your curiosity, unfettered.
So everyone should have access to libraries and the internet (and librarians).
I kind of think teachers get in the way, actually.
But I've had a lot of really great teachers, as well.

"all right" (my voice keeps saying that.  it's getting really annoying)

I think all books should be available digitally, to everyone, free.
And there should be systems like I enjoy here in Berkeley, available globally, for actual physical books.   I have in mind the Link+ system, which links hundreds of libraries, and can obtain most anything.   I think education investment should be for that.
Questions, answered in forums, are just as good as a classroom, imho.
and online classes, like coursera, open yale courseware, flashcards, etc. are great, too!
The best teachers should teach everyone!
Everybody should get a phone/tablet/computer.
Language instruction needs classrooms.  Or travel and immersion.

Dems say yes, Greens no.
I have to say No.  
Jerry Brown thinks the money would be better spent in poorer districts.
My dad is the director of the Burlingame Adult School.
So I'll have to ask him, I guess.
And my aunt was the principal of St. Elizabeth's, in Oakland.
I'll see her this Saturday (her birthday! (friday))

54. Legislature Transparency
Dems say no, Greens yes. 
after reading the green rationale, I have no idea.
vote whatever

60. Mandating condoms in porn
dems no, greens whatever.
Making porn less sexy is better for women?
so Yes.

61. drug purchasing
dems whatever, greens yes.
I say yes.  
National Nurses United, which supported Bernie say yes, while the drug industry and Ca doctors are in an "incestuous and cozy" financial relationship.

63.  firearms and ammunition sales prohibition
dems say yes, greens no.
it sounds good, but the greens are right, because it exempts cops and retired cops (ordinary citizens, like us, some of whom abused their power), a violation of equal protection standards.
NO

65. Bags
I used to be a grocery store "courtesy-clerk" (bagger)
I would say "kill a tree or erode the ozone?"...
Dems whatever, Greens no.
"one of the most disingenuous ballot measures in state history"
NO.

I think I'm a green, lol.
I'm a registered Dem
The green voter guide is well-researched and extremely persuasive.
see it yourself! :
http://acgreens.wordpress.com/voter-guides

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Relapse

notes from a Kaiser group discussion about

7 things to reduce/prevent relapsing

1.strategies for coping with stress
stress can be internal (body/mind), or external (e.g. relationships)
out, in: out of your head, in the present moment
   exercise/walk, shower
   meditate, nap, go to church
   conversation 
   read, listen to music, watch tv
   write/journal/blog, make art
   good food, enough sleep
   routine/variety.
       sameness can be good.  change can be good, too.

___
this reminds me of my list of activities (Most Everything):
bio: body, input, output
b-eat, exercise, sleep
i-read, watch, listen
o-write, talk, create
also,
vatog: visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, gustatory
(see, hear, touch, smell, taste)
____
2.participate in treatments that help you recover
    kaiser "wellness club" (tuesdays/thursdays 10:30a to 12p, drop-in),
    therapy- e.g. cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy) group, individual
    meds (i.e. medication, medicine, pharmaceuticals, drugs)
    community, family, friends

3.build social supports
      we all need someone to lean on! -Rolling Stones (Let it bleed)
       211 (3 digit phone number to connect you with services)
       Kaiser Oakland Dept. of Psychiatry (752-1075)
      google 'crisis support', or 'suicide hotline'
      Berkeley has a Mobile Crisis Team
         (981-5254, voicemail)
         (981-5900, for quick service, connects to police dept.,
           who will contact MCT for you)

4.use medication effectively
       -follow dosage/frequency, as directed
      - changes mind/behavior: find balance between Authenticity and
                                      Staying out of trouble (e.g. hospital or jail)
       -side-effects, interaction effects (be aware of)
       -adjust as necessary
       -some can self-medicate, w/o professional (i.e. doctor's) guidance
            (alcohol and pot and tobacco, e.g., can work/help,
              but also be problematic)
        -if you're on vacation/forgot your meds, you can get
            like 1 week of Emergency supply from most pharmacies

5.recognize events or situations that contributed to Relapses in past.
         sleep changes
         ADL changes (activities of daily living)
        energy-level changes
        (for me, a pot edible) also,
        my handwriting changes (wide range, from neat/legible to not)

6.know early warning signs that you might be starting to have a relapse
             -ew signs, lol

7.Respond, Act!
          get help, before becoming full-blown
          -family, friends, professional(s)

Monday, October 3, 2016

factoids

7 of them

My friend Caitlin had an essay on sex/internet yesterday, so:
I queried Google with 'what percentage of internet traffic is porn?"
    -depending on how you measure it, anywhere between 4 to 30%

Today,
I overheard someone say that "The body regenerates all its cells every 7 years, so technically we become a new person..."
   -This is false.  Brain cells/neurons from the cerebral cortex, don't get replaced, for example.  Different tissues have different growth and replacement rates.  Fat is replaced at a rate of 10% a year (so new fat every 10 years, on average).

I also overheard today,
'Habanero' is actually the word for a resident of Havana, Cuba.
The pepper is named that on the theory that it has a Cuban origin.

I saw a sign today,
it said 1/4 of the homeless are U.S. military veterans.
This is false, too.  It was estimated in 2013, 12% of the homeless were veterans.  Either way, it's a big problem.

also,
'Latin' america is a weird term.  I mean, they don't speak Latin.
But Spanish, Portuguese, and French (as well as Italian, Romanian, and Catalan) are Romance languages (itself named after Roman origins, not necessarily xo flowers and candy and makin' whoopie), which are all derived from "vulgar" Latin (Vulgar doesn't mean that all they spoke were swear-words!)  It means the common/colloquial/nonstandard sociolect, contrasted with "classical" Latin.

from Snapple facts:
(It's a big reason I buy snapple!  I wish other companies provided trivia, too. U-haul does),
I learned that "the average dog can understand over 150 words."

and finally,
I was wondering why Ireland is the land of ire.  I mean, really?
Turns out, as entertaining as that might be, Ireland is actually named after a pre-christian goddess of the land and sovereignty (the matron goddess of the island), Eire, derived from Old Irish 'Eriu'.   So much for being the land of anger and rage and irritation!  Even Hell, Norway, is a pretty nice place!

Saturday, October 1, 2016

What to Do

As if I don't have enough, already
starting 2017 (giving myself 3 months to prepare)
   -idea: a sheet to record what i've read, daily/year.
age 45, but starting fresh daily :-)

job i love, woman i love, in love with life  (ILL!!)
read lists, (then everything, the entire library!*)
learn/master aikido
travel, restaurants, museums
body-build, daily maintenance/improvement
buy house, raise a family

that seems like enough, lol
and i'm happy, already! (enjoying myself being alone, actually)
(so it doesn't matter as much if I never achieve completion!)

Books I've Loved:
  The Prisoner of Zenda was my favorite book, when I was a kid.
(by Anthony Hope)

authors
Douglas Adams, Anne Rice, Kurt Vonnegut, Mark Twain
Franzen, Anais Nin, Tolkien
---
Isabel Allende- house of spirits
Gabriel Garcia Marquez- 100 years of solitude
Mikhail Bulgakov- The Master and Margarita
Pratchett and Gaiman- Good Omens
Camus- The Stranger; Sartre -Nausea
Burroughs- Naked Lunch
Gibson- Neuromancer
Alejo Carpentier- The Lost Steps
George Eliot- Middlemarch
Manzoni- The Betrothed
Yuval Noah Harari -Sapiens
The Year's Best Horror and Fantasy (short stories)
Leopold- A Sand County Almanac
Jorge Amado- Tent of Miracles

must reads-
atlas, proust, bible
maybe Shakespeare (if you can get the weird words clarified)

more recently enjoyed:
Lev Grossman, Bill Bryson, Terry Pratchett (word candy!)
(actually, no.  plenty nutritious brain food)

Lists:
1. a)Bill Gates recommendations (from his blog); link
    b)Jose Vargas, friend, lit instructor, suggestions:
       Ficciones -Borges, El Reino de este mundo, nocturno de chile
       Between the world and me, by Ta-Nehise Coates
    c)Michael Helbush, friend, retired professor; link (Bloom's canon)
           noted, especially: Melville's -Moby Dick
    d)Pierre's picks: The Expanse sci-fi series, by James SA Corey
 2.1001 books you Must Read Before You Die
     (I photocopied the author index); link
3. title index, (forgot the source, mystery book!)
      from Absalom Absalom to Zuckerman Unbound.
      (also photocopied, just the titles-list)
4. 501 Must-Read Books
       (I shrunk 2 pages to fit on one photocopied page, small print)
        link (I think this online list is different)
5. The complete set of Newbery award winners and honor-books
      (1922-present); link

*maybe I'll learn to be able to speedread with superintelligent ability at some point in the future.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Insecticity

Because David is a bug

"voices" (still going, I know):
aka "auditory hallucinations," telepathy, or dae-dreaming
"someone's in my head, but it's not me" -pink floyd
from my "source"- (voice, headshocks, chestpains: possessed)
David A. Eldridge, dag (deputy attorney general)
acronyms: dag ridded evil, degraded livid
leave me alone, David. 
stfu, and stop invading my privacy!
you are unwelcome and evicted from my head
don't talk to me
stop being a criminal
and don't hurt me anymore, either
thankyou

v's:
you're a doctor, jess
that is your soul crazy
jess you've got a lot of life
do you know what you are? you're as free as can be
i can't fucking handle it jesse
david has got major obscene amounts of problems
david is giving up, jesse
david so utterly sad, jesse
i am utterly obscene
fucking ow, jesse
i can't help you, jesse
i'm basically trying apocalypse the jew; see what they say
you have the power of an exorcist
i'm almost sad that you write anything, because you're LAW
you have the work at all
jesse i'm fucking crazed at how you are
you think i'm me but really i'm someone else entirely
you're a victim of my trying to be right
people are DEAD jesse
i can't even breathe
i can't see what it is that makes you law
i'm evil, Jesse
you belong in a world of leadership, jesse
i hate law
i need help, jesse
you belong in new york, jesse
he's wondering if you're really the devil
jess you're a freak at law

Friday, September 23, 2016

Recent Thoughts

stupid and smart

smart products:
smart car/ mg (mentally gifted)/ toyota iQ
smart-phone/ apple genius,
smarties (candy), smart water, smartmop
SMART center (San Mateo Adult Resource n Training)
intel inside
dihydrogen monoxide: you should be getting 2.2 to 3.0 Liters/day

dumb synonyms
stupid, ignorant, uneducated, incurious
ignant ignoramus!
idiot, imbecile, fool, moron, dipshit, dimwit, retard

christlike
don't take the name of the lord in vain: Jesse, je suis, JC
JZ, Jess, see s.j., Chuy (pronounced 'chewy'), Isai (I, Isa)
Jesus, hey Zeus

'gesellen' means 'joined' in German.  Jess+Ellen, once upon a time.
excellent (ET)
Sara: sincerity, ceremony, cerebellum, triceratops,
    seraphim, coursera, saracens, sarawak
(Teshara: the Sara)(k sera sera)

SA on KT n KG LN

sick: smart intelligent caring kind
bad: birth and death, Beginning And enD
pain: pa in (get out, dad)
mad: mom and dad
lord: life or death, light or dark
   LN or David

caring: car-ing.  cairns and Karen.
your dad is a motherfucker
your luvs are full of shit
I eat the kind, drink the smart (bars, water!)
masturbate: go fuck yourself
vacuums suck, wind blows, jaws bite
your cat is a pussy
i'm just kidding about your young goat being your kid
your female dog is a bitch
i am a bastard (child born out of wedlock)
don't call my fraternity a frat!  would you call your country a cunt?
privates in the army: dicks, assholes, pussies
excepting some limbless, we are all armed (and dangerous)
i have ears, i hear voices (o-vices?)
vice president, president of vice

anagrams
britney spears: presbyterians
hillary clinton: only i can thrill
santa, satan
devil, lived
god, dog (dog is my co-pilot)
heart, hater, earth
david eldridge, dag ridded evil, degraded livid

logic
God is a man of war.  The art of war is deception.  Hence, God is a liar.
God created man, Man created God (chicken and egg)
God is a way of endowing your convictions with greater authority
God is love.  Love believes all things.  Therefore...

elf: everyone lives forever
danny elfman, in oingo boingo, sang No one lives forever! hey!

some g.o.d.'s:
garden of delights
grand old duke of york, he had ten thousand men...
game of death
good orderly direction
god or devil
good or diabolical
goodness of death
good old devil

Thursday, September 22, 2016

My Day, by Jesse Teshara

Daily Routine

early to bed, early to rise:
2 alarms (alarm clock/kitchen timer)
make bed (fold futon into couch, fold blankets, place 4 pillows)
move tack (to vitamin C & omega-3, in morning)
fill brita pitcher, make oatmeal, coffee, gnc protein
bathroom (brush, shave, excrete)
whrb jazz on cordless headphones, stretch, history
     history (4): 1.grim reaper's book of days, 2.today in history,
                        3. wikipedia, 4. farlex dictionary
gym (slb: swim, lift, bike), shower
     -yoga (yttp: yoga to the people, donation-based/free)
      -exercise at home (8)(shakes, pushups, bent row, arnold press,
         tricep extension, planks, passes, bicycle crunches)
read: book/day*, (daily) new york times, (weekly) economist
nap, meditatate, music
    music: itunes (whrb, wprb, wmbr, kalx, kdvs, kcpr, kzsu, kzsc,
                  gdradio, clave); also: pandora, youtube, cd's, fm radio
money (dogwalking)
computer:
  blog, e-mail, research, news (feel the b.e.r.n.)
   blog: god's blog, the jesse journal (this)
   email: family/friends, delancey, poem, trivia, vocab, wapo202
   research: google, ted, J!archive, wikipedia, oyc
   news: onion, csmonitor, berkeleyside, facebook, wikipedia
     (maybe huffpo, cnn, flipboard, apple news, as well)
     spanish: yahoo on phone (with useful highlight-spanish dictionary)
  Plus: youtube, jokes/standup, instagram, pinterest, okcupid
           foreign affairs (through berkeley public library website)
lunch, dinner (veget, BB, tupperware)
meds, move tack to wall (to indicate olanzapine and risperidone, taken)
8 hour sleep (9:30p to 5:30a)

*Reading (not book/day, but that's still the ideal i hope to get to!)
Recent Reads:
1.The Buried Giant, by Kazuo Ishiguro (his latest)
2.Who Rules the World, by Noam Chomsky (2016)
3.Failed States (reading now), by Chomsky (2006)
on deck:
4.What Kind of Creatures Are We?, by N. Chomsky (2015)
5.The Box, by Marc Levinson
6.(gift for birthday: What the Dog Knows, by Cat Warren)

Sunday, September 11, 2016

ace theist

Atheism

Ace theism. Hate-ism. His team. The very same. God is love, but God is also a man of war, and the art of war is deception. So, the reality is God is all about hate and vengeance, visited upon sinners. The prince of peace came to bring the sword.  The bloodthirsty need to find peace, satisfaction, release.  Religion becomes a justification for criminality.  A drug crime: It's the opiate of the masses.  There's crime, but there's also sin, breaking God's law. You can obey all laws, but you can't escape sin. Original sin, I would surmise, is breaking the buddhist injunction to escape samsara, that is, rebirth. Childbirth is suffering, and every baby is destined to suffer and die, in turn.  Lord is a word for life or death, light or darkness. “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord.” The lord God is a dark lord. An act of God is a natural disaster. Nature is Creation, but also Destruction. Corpses feed worms and flies, push up daisies, if not feed cannibals. The immortality of Christ, the continuance of Christianity, the life of the Church, is dependent on the sacrament of the Eucharist, the vampirism and cannibalism ordained by God, because we are what we eat (eu a christ), requiring the sacrifice that creates cum-union. The line between virtue and sin is blurred, for God. That's why it's called a mystery. God is incapable of doing evil. God is the Game of Death, and Go, Devil, and Guns or Drugs. There is no evil. Everyone deserves to die. God is everywhere, knows all, so He is the devil, too. God created the devil. Devil is 4-evil (antichrist=4). God is good, you say. But it's all good. Evil is good, too, you might say. It's an opportunity to make good. It'd be a boring world without problems for him to fix.  God is love, and love is good, even if it's loving the devil. Go out to love and serve the lord, the priests say.  Choose the light or darks side of the force.  Making love is making pleasure, making a baby, making God. Sex creates resentment, jealousy, anger, and even violence, by those without. Nothing puts lovers in the mood more than violence, threat, insecurity, and the consequent need to cling to one another and protect each other, us against the world. Good doesn't exist without Evil, just as shadow depends on light. Heaven only exists in contrast to hell. Pleasure is made in contrast to pain. They're two sides of the same coin. Jesus was all about right vs. left, good vs. evil, virtue vs. sin, love vs. hate, the full human experience, dying for All, of all persuasions. God is love, love believes all things, and all things include atheism, satanism, agnosticism, even antichrist. The angel of death, father time, the lord – all Death. God is love, which depends on death. There would be no love without death. We are all reproduction machines, programmed by our DNA to have sex before we die. Created by and for love. Death instigates love. We all want love, are dying for love. God is the creator, and destruction creates. Passion refers to both sex and the crucifixion. Guns and roses, love and rockets, yin and yang, black and white, male and female, sharpen the appetite, which produces life. We subsist on life. Dead plants make living animals. Vegetarian or carnivore, you're both killers. Sacrifices must be made to sustain life. Thou shalt not kill? Impossible. Everyone is a sinner, there is not One who does not sin, the wages of sin is death. Everyone dies. Even God. God is dead. God is undead. God is alive. God is all, ah. Aha! Without God, all things are permitted. Do what thou wilt. Don't get caught. The police are fishers of men. God is always and everywhere, in life and death, light and darkness, love and despair, theism and atheism.

He's tricky. So many names, definitions, spells, memes, concepts. Reality is all the God there ever is (if you're a pantheist). An object of worship (a thing? Like an idol?). Perfect and All-Loving (pal) (and yet the creator of hell?). Creator and Ruler (car) (yet permitting SMALBED- satan, mephistopheles, antichrist, lucifer, beelzebub, evil, devil). Permitting and allowing all to ow. Thought to control some part of Nature or Reality, having supernatural powers and attributes, believed in and worshipped by a people (but really just an ordinary man, as Godly as anyone else; superhuman: a super human!). The Supreme Being and poof (principal object of faith). Supreme, like a pizza. Omniscient (knowing all, in the biblical sense: we're all fuct).  God doesn't exist, because no commonly agreed meaning of God exists!  Only God is good?  Must everything be evil for an atheist?  Maybe God doesn't believe in Himself, is an atheist, has his lifetime moment of doubt.  What do You say, dear reader/god?

Please note that I, God, am not advocating, nor will I ever advocate, even if life is hell, drinking the grape koolaid, okay?  I don't like saying "allright", even if sometimes I reach the conclusion it's all good and I shouldn't be a hater.  Suicide is not the answer.  War and killing and torture is not the answer.  Capital Punishment is not the answer.  Abortion is not the answer.  Drugs are not the answer.  Everyone says love is the answer.  What was the question?:  What's "the way?"  Oh, the absence of suffering, and the presence of happiness.  I'm not sure love is really the answer, though, actually.  It seems to imply loving the devil, loving hell, loving everyone - a tall order.  For me, I think friends and humor and nature and music and books and service and money and equanimity and good food and exercise endorphins are a kind of composite answer.  But I hope to throw love into the mix, someday.  Do what you gotta do.  Making mistakes is part of life, the learning curve, the "way."  (That's the sense in which it's all right).  What floats your boat?   A sea of blood?  Or peace, love, and harmony.  Maybe a good aikido battle/draw!

g.o.d.
get out, devil/demon/david
pain=pa in.  get out, dad

Saturday, September 10, 2016

My 9/3 birthday

I was born in '71.  I'm 45.

I share my birthday with:

Ferdinand Porsche
Whitey Bulger
Albert DeSalvo
Malcolm Gladwell
Charlie Sheen
Shaun White

those are the only ones I recognized.
Steve Jones, from the Sex Pistols/Iggy Pop, also. (s.j.!)