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I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 900 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Friday, January 29, 2016

Sum Weerdness and Inne-Sanity

Madd (mothers against drunk driving), Mad (magazine), M.a.D (mom and dad)!
"when people run in circles it's a mad world" -cold play?
angry? insane? both? the term itself is a bit insane.
in the seine river.  in a sane person/mind. shouldn't it be UN-sane?
or does that reflect "poorly" on the United Nations.  unwell.  poverty and health.
a "sound" mind (with voices) is apparently saner than a still, quiet one!
madness, I say, old chap!  mci (mad crazy insane) mickey mo-use.
cool!  (rearranged, loco): what's your loco-motive, you crazy criminal?
choo-choo! chew! chewy! Chuy and Chewbacca.
Mohammad's M.O. (modus operandi, missouri (not pronounced misery)
Inn sanity, say, of a bed and breakfast (BB gun, BB body building, BB wolf, Bibi (Net and yahoo)
and sew on and so fourth


Sum weerdniss

Won ts (eliot) a pawn uh thyme, inn a (local area network) :-D phar (macy) jafar a weigh, their livid a which and a Kat, a purr-sun and (ben-) hur spear IT (information technology) anne I mull, hoo Bo (knows) lichen'd 2 eat heated meat and beets ev'ry weak 4 break-fast. Ow fast, u ass? Really frilly fast. Sew fassed, in f-act, t-hat thay de-sided too eet et slo-ER (san luis obispo emergency room), sew thA kood n-joy (dish soap) the mm, eel moor.

Place your alpha-bets, gentlemen:
Hey bee seedy E! Flunk gee itch eye (blue)jay okay ellen am enjoy oh pee queue are essence tea you VW double-you, ex, why, and Zorro/ zee(dee salad).

I felt like being a little crazy.
hope you enjoyed :-)
-Jess-see (with your 2 i's) To Share Ra (the sun god)
-2 light references! i have a vision! enlightenment!

Thursday, January 28, 2016

a LONG post

I've been writing lately

Ai ay aye!! flying high in the sky! (I like to write)

I am a writer. Because I write. Not HOW I write, but THAT I right. Am I good writer? I leave that judgement to you. I think I write well, though, because I think well, and because I've had a fair amount of practice, putting thoughts to paper, journalling, and being a mind that's processed its reality, a kind of machine-like crunching of data, for over 4 decades. I also read a lot. I earnestly hope you find my prose clear and lucid, and perhaps entertaining, if not edifying. Also, I enjoy writing. Typing, seeing my thoughts, and constructing a narrative -being creative- are satisfying acts. I mean, it's better than staring at the ceiling, right? Maybe a buddhist monk would disagree. Well, to each his own. I'm more of a monkey than a monk. My last name is Teshara (pronounced T' share-uh), and just as Wordsworth tried to make valuable words, I strive to be true to my name, and share. I've got shit to share. What did the Buddhist Monk says to the hot-dog vendor? Make me one with everything! BM? ew. 

Thoughts are ephemeral, but printed words, processed thought, hold the promise of permanence. Well, maybe not infinity, eternity, forever! Forever, (“and ever,” - why do they say that?) - that's a mighty long time. Forever-forever? Not even a diamond lasts that long, I would guess. But it's a kind of immortality. A larger fraction of infinity (but, I realize, still a drop in the Vast). I like to see evidence of my existence, with the potential to outlive my body, and the possibility of lurking for thousands of years on a bookshelf. It's the poor man's way of downloading one's mind and brain into a matrix, a computer, the machine. Actually, I'm not sure Bill Gates himself can do much better. But maybe all the world's books will be uploaded to cyberspace, and then maybe even read by The Great Mind, which is what I'm calling a super-intelligent computer from the future. Reality is a kind of construct, and books are spells within the larger spell. Merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Am I dreaming my own life, or is someone else my author? That's where Gods and Devils come in. Mind control can be welcome or unwelcome. We each play different roles, live different lives, and have different identities. Geography and History, space and time; or just spacetime, if you will. The moral and amoral, both sides of the chessboard, competing for possession of your inner throne. Situational ethics. And within each of us, are competing selves. Not each of us is schizophrenic, but I would say all of us house a multiplicity, a diversity. Our brains themselves are split (in hemispheres), even if our minds themselves are not. We're crowd-sourced, you might say. Priests and parents try to program us to be ideal adults. It starts with our names. What's in a name? Well, I'm Jesse Teshara, and there's a lot of possibility in that. Jesse is Jesus or Isai or Chuy, in spanish. Hey Zeus, Artificial Intelligence, Chewbacca...you see where I'm going with this? See SJ is Jesse, rearranged. Teshara anagrams to 'as earth.' I've got the whole world in my hands! 'Ace wrathless sane jeer' for example, is an anagram of my full name. I lived for a spell, you might say. But I don't do it merely for myself. I'm 44 years old, and I've done a fair amount of thinking, and I hope you'll enjoy the fruits of my cogitation, the truth of my philosophy, and gain, in addition to some wisdom, a portion of the happiness I feel when I write. I'm communicating with strangers from the future. That's you, my friend! I know, I know, there's nothing but an eternal present. My writing is a rite, and hopefully it's all right! It takes longer to write than to read, so you're being me, efficiently!

I set aside time every day to tap my soul through the keyboard onto computer, then paper, until eventually it reaches you, my anonymous destination. The Wright brothers took flight, and these words are my flight of fancy, landing on eyes, ears, and brain-cells. For a moment, your mind is mine! (I suspect the mind is mined at night by Morpheus). If I am dead when you read this, then my slowly disintegrating bones will feel happier with your attention and approval. But if I'm alive, I'm grateful for your time, and your time-travel into my past! Or is it my time-travel into your future? Certainly both, I would say. Ah, writing and reading, what a wonderful, magical, world. A far better pursuit than thievery, soldiering, boxing, hitman, assassin... Maybe even better than being president! Intellectual lectors and elections, and you, the select few. Really, a street sweeper could be a master of the universe, and a president a mere pawn. Such is life. And you may not even be born yet! (Today, the time of writing, is Wednesday, 1-27-2016 c.e., 9:10pm). Drop me a line if you wish to meet the author!

MY ideal job is author. Hopefully, yours is being a reader! We make quite a pair. Me, solitary, in my room, tap-tap-tap, pecking away, and you, eyes and mind flowing over the surface of the page, gleaning images, and concepts, and well-put turns of phrase, to put in that magical file of yours, your brain, capable of anything, with the potential to live a glorious life of excitement and joy and bliss. The bliss of roller coasters and sex and music, as well as the bliss of tranquility, peace, and calm. Entire libraries scream for your attention. Gyms demand daily maintenance and improvement. Kitchens and grocery stores and cookbooks implore your creativity. Products and people in various places, requiring logistics, getting from supply to demand. Games, movies, restaurants, entertainment give. Sleep, making crafts, chores take. Experiences lurk everywhere. 
Bike, bart, bus about. Take a train to Thailand. Hitchhike to Hell (it's a town in Norway, too). Take a life, make a baby. Sex and violence, sax and violins, make music, live your life, feel alive, all things in moderation, including moderation. Go to prison, witness a miracle, go to heaven. Heaven is in a book. Heavenly is a ski-resort. Paradise is near Chico. Make money, be homeless, take a risk, make friends, hate some shit. Love life. Live until you die. Does that help? Kaiser says to thrive. Throw that knife into the river. Fuck some shit up. Go crazy. Take meds. Remember to brush, floss, rinse. Early to bed, early to rise, supposedly made Benjamin Franklin healthy, wealthy, and wise. Good morning, Vietnam! Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain committed suicide. Maybe you can learn from them. Authenticity is sacred, but identity is fluid. Love all, serve all, be all. Be all you can be. Aim High. Be an army of one. Welcome to Mordor, Sauron. Welcome to hell, Satan. Welcome to heaven, God.

Only God is good. To be good, all you have to do is not be bad. Being God is easy! You can be better than God!! You can be yourself, which is above Godhood, which is above Jesus, which is above the pope, which is above the minions and sheeple of the catholic church, which is above -i dunno- (are some religions better than others?). Personally, I think Buddhism is better than Catholicism is better than Islam. But being an atheistic God outranks them all. You rule your own world, your own mind, your own happiness, your own life. And being God, you can define your own morality for yourself, and outrank all those puny moralists in the courts and churches and synagogues and mosques and legislatures. You are in charge! Being in control is the ultimate in empowerment. The only power others have over you is that which you give to them. Ceding power is your choice, you always have that option, but I prefer supremacy, in my own realm. And I advise being open to taking advice! We're all pretty much in the same boat, anyway. But what works for me may not work for you. Human nature can be pretty diverse. I like promoting myself to priest, being self-ordained, after of course writing my blog, which was my process of self-apotheosis. Being God is fun. I recommend it. But if you find yourself drawn to criminality, all I can say is don't get caught. The freedom to swing your fist ends at the tip of my nose, in my view. If we're all the same, then everyone else is God, too (even if they don't know it, or submit to someone else). God is usually defined as love, and as merciful, but there is a time to kill, and vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord. Of course, you don't need to draw on the bible or established religion for your ideology and precepts. The dalai lama said kindness is my religion. Adi Da said Reality is all the god there ever is. Fear of God, then, would be pantophobia! What did Yoda say about fear? “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Nobody wants suffering. Well, their own, anyway. Except the masochists. They can go to hell. I don't believe in an afterlife, good or bad, so I can say that. I'd still like to live for a few thousand years, though, if not be surprised by waking up after death somewhere pleasant and idyllic. The word heaven reminds me of heaving, which reminds me of the myth of Sisyphus, which isn't heavenly at all. Utopia might be a better word. Plus, it's achievable for society, for earth, for humanity, and -in my view- should therefore be the “heaven” we all strive and hope for.  But why stop there? We can make the heavens heavenly too! No limits. Love is part of evol-ution. 


Devil is the opposite of lived, just evil isn't live, just as dog isn't God, and 'essej' isn't me, Jesse. That's my message, a mess of sage. Deep, ain't it? Whoa, nellie! LN says what? Anyway, mm, essej. Delicious! Jesse means God's gift, or God makes forget, or “the whole office of the eucharist.” It's a biblical name, as King David was the son of Jesse, and the genealogy of Jesus is called the Jesse tree. JT, like me (and also like the sign for pi). To share Ra, the ancient egyptian sun god. My mom is Peggy T, which is pretty close to the word Egypt. My dad drives a PT cruiser. My brother's initials are GLT (like the volvo). Larry Teshara can be shortened to Tes-la. My birthday is 9-3, like the Saab, in the year '71, like the Z71 truck. No car, like North Carolina, sob. Scar, like South Carolina (said my voice). The Scientologist said I had low accord. Jesse Teshara Christ =DIE. If you want to crucify me, that's certainly my response. What is the basis of this silly equation? Besides Jesus=Death (=2)
Jesse=15115=4=D. Teshara=2518191=9=I. Christ=389912=5=E. Well, that was fun.
Let's try an easier tack, as mathematical meaning can be a bit mean (Lawrence=31595535=9, btw).

Devil is 4-evil (for evil, uc?). Satan is say, ten (and it is, too...11215). Lucifer is 3339659=2. Mephistopheles is 45789126785351 (14 digits, phew!) =8. So, Lucifer Mephistopheles is Jesus, God!! Go figure. Antichrist =4. Aunty Christ is Rosemarie! 925, what a way to make a living. hm.

David, Al, Jesse, Rosemarie
and Four (I've met someone with the name 'Four'); also, I know an April (the 4th month)
so many candidates for Antichrist!

I'm against untruth, and I don't believe Jesus (really) walked on water, or changed water to wine.
Just because he did some magic tricks, I'm not going to be his follower.
I think he commanded (or deserved) a dream-world, if in fact those “miracles” even happened.
He said he was the way, the truth, the light. There's a cathedral of light, nearby.
Light is a weird thing, always traveling the same speed, photons being waves and particles, etc.
I don't understand Jesus. Honestly, I don't think Jesus understood Jesus (or light, anyway).

Did he say if I'm not with him, I'm against him?
I don't consider myself an Antichrist, but maybe I am (on his terms).
Christ just means anointed with oil (chrism), so i could make myself christ with some olive oil.
I have no desire to follow in Jesus' footsteps, as I imagine any sane person would as well.
Also, Jesus may have survived his crucifixion, coming back to life later, but he's surely dead now (unless you consider the “body of christ” to be his church-membership)
I kind of identify, actually, with As Earth (my last name), which would be non-exclusionary to non-christians. T' share uh, to share 2, to share Jesus/beast/lucifer/it... Beast is of course “the beast with two backs”, or sex. Lucifer is light, which is like being born (into the light). IT (besides information technology), could therefore stand for being born again. Being “born again” is being a creature of light, being possessed by Jesus, you might believe. If you believe you're Jesus, that seems kinda scary to me, 'cause you would want revenge on your crucifiers (the “anti-christs”), and you could get violent, because you're not yourself anymore.

That's what being the devil is.

Thou shalt not kill (though you shalt not kill, maybe I will!.. vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord)
lord= l or d (life or death) (love or despair) (light or darkness) (Ln or david?) 3 or 4! like or dislike?1or 6

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Yay! I Got a New Phone!

my new toy, a "smartphone"

my iphone 5c was a xmas gift from my bro I just got today, that I'm playing with.

-FaceTime is cool (it only works between 2 apple devices).  
-It has maps, a compass, and gives directions, which can be really useful.
-voice recognition, you can dictate texts and emails.
-you can listen to radio, from online (most radio stations stream over the internet).  
i like whrb, especially.
-i can check out websites (like google, or my blog, or the jeopardy archive, or wikipedia, or ted, or youtube)
(or news like csmonitor or cnn)
-local weather (you can permit it to know where you are), camera/pictures, calculator.
-there's WAG, an app (short for application) that will hook me up with people who want a dogwalker.
-i might get a botany app: take a picture of a plant, it'll tell you what it is.
-comedy central has a joke archive..

so that's why it's "smart".  
i can listen to harvard radio while I read the news or learn trivia, for example.

it doesn't have Siri, like my ipad,
or translation, like the apple watch (but it could, and should!)

don't get smart with me, boy! sorry, too late.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Reifying God

'Reification' and 'Prayer'

1. 'reify' means to make something abstract real
I'm convinced, as I've said earlier, the only way to make 'God' real is to become Him (or Her).

maybe you think Being God is a lie.
Maybe it's one of the "lies we tell ourselves in order to find wholesomeness and truth" (a quote I took from the description of the upcoming play, 'Chester Bailey', in which my cousin Erin's hubby, Dan Clegg,  is playing the title role (a 2-man play!), from 5/25 to 6/12, at the Strand Theater (1127 Market St., SF).  I'm looking forward to seeing it.  And being 'Uncle Jesse', again, to his daughter, due in early March!

2.Today's poem (I get emailed a poem/day, from poetryfoundation.org)
'Prayer', by Francisco X. Alarcon
      check it out! ...underlies my philosophy perfectly!
      i'd copy it to this post, but i'm not sure if that's illegal.

Monday, January 11, 2016

My New Year's Res

Resolution, that is

It's to "read a book/day"
a Book-A-Day wouldn't be all that "bad."  In fact, it'd be great!!
And I can cheat by reading children's books :)

This year, so far, I've read:
1.All of Emily Dickinson (off of Bartleby, on the internet)
2.The Man Who Wasn't There, Anil Ananthaswamy (excellent! especially the chapter on schizophrenia)
3.The Comedians, Kliph Nesteroff (only surveyed it (a history of american standup): i.e. read portions about comedians I already knew of)

and lots of children's books (cb's)
1.The Postcard, Tom Abbott (literally the first book on the shelf, children's section!)
2.Elijah of Buxton (Caldecott -children's book award- honor book; i copied the list of winners/honors from wikipedia)

(children's books):
Bermuda Triangle, Looking for Bigfoot, Mysterious Disappearances, Crop Circles, Monster Hunt, The Gods & Goddesses of Ancient China, Alien Investigation, Helen Keller, I Toad You So, Tyrannnosaurus Wrecks, Holiday Howlers, Haunted House jokes, Ha Ha Ha Sidesplitters, 1000 crazy jokes for kids, Bug jokes, You must be joking, Champion crack-ups, Joking Around with chirp, Ivan to make you laugh, Amazing Cows, Greatest goofiest jokes, How do you lift a walrus with one hand?, Biggest riddle book in the world, Going Ape, Punny Places, Foul Play, Real Classy

that's 32 books in 10 days.  not bad, eh?

I borrowed some books from my dad, that are on deck: 
Treasury of Laughter, by Larry Wilde
Encyclopedia of School Humor, by S and S Mamchak
The World's Best Dirty Jokes, by Mr. "J"
More of the World's Best Dirty Jokes, by Mr. "J"

i currently (zap!) have checked out from the library:
It's Not Me It's You, by McFarlane
(and 5 books in spanish: masaje, tae kwon do, kung fu, hipnosis, y forenses)

my reading list also includes:
(authors) Alan Fuerst, Vaclav Smil, Bill Bryson, Terry Pratchett, Robert Reich, Twain, Vonnegut, Carl Hiaasen, Evelyn Waugh, PG Wodehouse; Shakespeare/Proust/Freud, Isaac Asimov, Nikolai Gogol, Patrick Rothfuss, Joe Abercrombie, Gregory J Keyes, Robin Hobb, Daniel Abraham, Maurice Druon, Brent Weeks.

(titles) The Box, by Levinson (about shipping containers); Hyperbole and a half, Brosh; Stuff Matters, Miodownik; How Asia Works, Studwell; On Immunity, Biss; The Rosie Project, Simpson; The Bully Pulpit, Goodwin; Blood Meridian; Moby Dick; The Kingdom of this World; Beyond Good and Evil; El Tunel, Sabato; Don Quixote; Arabian Nights; La Morte D' Arthur; Nocturno de Chile, Bolano; Ficciones, Borges; Epic Measures, Smith; Tap Dancing to Work; The Sixth Extinction; The Better of Our Angels; The Man Who Fed the World; Business Adventures, Brooks; Red Queen; Guns Germs and Steel; I am a strange loop; Character Strengths and Virtues, Peterson and Seligman; No Job No Prob!; Stress Test, Geithner; Making the Modern World, and Should We Eat Meat, Smil; Dante's Inferno; How to be alone; The Fat Cat, Jack Kent.

(topics) literature, fiction (1001 books you must read before you die); caldecott winners/honors; reference books (encyclopedia, atlas, history, languages, vocabulary, slang, biography); poetry (i get a poem/day in my email); trivia; religion, aletheon, buddhism; news; national enquirer, mad magazine. 
origami, cuddle sutra, jokes, prison lit: orange is the new black, inside: life behind bars in america, Santos; Library services to the incarcerated, McCreigh; Inside this place, not of it, Waldman and Levi.  short stories.  bestsellers.  true crime.  horror/fantasy.  self-defense.

basically, everything.

I think I'd be a good audiobook narrator, so I want to sample good examples, such as Scott Brick's work, or Harry Potter, or Edward Herman/Geronimo Stilton.  audiofile magazine, online (through libarary website).

daily 9:
book, spanish, poem/email, this day in history, trivia, vocab, joke, and news!

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

fund jokes to tell

dolla dolla billz y'all
(of the funny money sort)

who wears a mask while working at a bank?
the loan arranger.

why did the banker keep looking up at the sky?
to see if there was any change in the weather.

why was the banker bored?
because he lost interest in everything.

where can you always find money?
in the dictionary
how can you double your money?
look at it in the mirror
what is an easy way to make your money bigger?
put it under a magnifying glass
how can you make money fast?
glue it to the floor
how did rich people get their money?
they were calm and collected
who makes a million dollars a day?
someone who works at a mint
what happened to the inventor who created the world's first automatic package-wrapping machine?
he made a bundle.

what goes further the slower it goes? $

when can a man be 6 feet tall and short at the same time?
short on funds

if a quarter and a 50cent piece were suicidal, who would jump first?
the quarter, because it has less cents (sense).

what is the difference b/w a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit dollar?
one is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.

where do trees keep their money?
branch bank
where is the most liquidity?
the river bank
why is the moon like a dollar?
it has 4 quarters

what kind of money do monsters use?

profits/prophets.  make your own joke.

oil is a well-kept secret.

should i become an electrician? no, electricians wire for money all the time.

what happened when a skunk, a deer, and a duck went to a fancy restaurant?
the skunk had only a scent, the deer only a buck, so the cost ended up on the duck's bill.

that's 22 jokes.  collect them all!
i tried to make a joke about getting money from a monkey, but it's really strange... 
"Crime doesn't pay unless you steal special k from a monkey!" I know...that's pretty bizarre, right?  well I tried, lol.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

My To-Do List

on my plate!

Look good, feel good: *mover, personal trainer, swim instructor, joke teller, good guy.  fit strong healthy sane well.  daily 10m run/jumprope, gym, yoga. Healthy food. Cook. Bay to breakers, marathon. tea@night.

cuddle: Read, print articles. joke-books. fitness.
Psych books, self-help, e.g. Man who wasn't there. Psych today.

My God/religion/spirituality-kick/hobby:
Author: write (from blog), publish; income? upload to youtube.  Research at cal library.  Beth-el svcs/Harvard a.m. Sunday. Religious variety. New blog?

Go camping. JSM, SPA, T14, meetup. Meditate Wpm, shambala.
Garage sales, flea markets, thrift stores. Winchester, hearst. Audit Cal classes. Online oyc, etc.  Big brother, learn languages, ride bus, pow-wow, learn musical instrument, whales and dolphins

Audiobook narrator. Record for blind/jewish: break-in. Beth-el studio? Re-listen youtube video.  Visit lighthouse for blind office in SF. Job reading to blind?
-prisoners/incarcerated/behind bars (jail, prison) read/record audiobooks (e.g. WB/Britannica encyc's (volunteer/job training -paid)

10 kids books/day. 1 adult book.
*Daily gym, book, history, meds/vitamins, brush/floss/rinse, news, spanish, vocabulary, poem, joke

-visit Rosemarie, with Sara and Augustus; kalx free tix (oldfirstchurch)
-Auburn,Pat n Ron,Theresa n Bruce, rental car, return with storage, sell/donate, go through/purge. incorporate in blog. -Wayne and Gloria -Tom and Jeannine -Patrick visit -BBB (beach blanket babylon), Dan's play(s), Stern Grove -uncle Jesse: play dough, bubbles, kites. glycerin, etc. -lead nature hikes. -dental, bfc appt. -chess set  -Schizophrenia.com, sourceamerica.org, intervoiceonline.org; hearing voices movement, -page/day  -brazen flirtation. Crazy sane. -free meals, monthly bfp (food pantry), -diabetes? Levels, blood test, -IRS1093B

Win lotto:
u.s./world travel; massage; restaurant meals, movies
speedreading, lumosity, aikido/self-defense classes (cssd, kungfu, kravmaga, karate, jujitsu, military)
kit car, windmills, rc helicopter, cool kite, motorized bicycle, telescope, binoculars, bose, hatrack
sports: hockey, soccer, olympics, baseball, frisbee, gymnastics, sumo, martial arts
parades, festivals, state fairs, national parks, monuments, theme parks, roller-coasters, taiko
museums, ballet/opera/symphony/theater/concerts
attend ted, tech fairs, comicon, film festivals, chinese new year
mt. madonna, mtn. home ranch, mt. fuji
buy apple watch, books, mags, kindle, joe frank (nyx -new york times-, csm -christian science monitor-, f.a. -foreign affairs-, economist, people, mad, enquirer, ng -national geographic-)
pre-loaded prison kindles (1001/500/bestsellers/award-winners/law/religious/dictionary/encyc... by and about prison/poetry/short stories/joke books/yoga positions, video?)
causes:  U.S.A.: berkeley free clinic/dfla -democrats for life of america-/bsa -boy scouts of america-/mfa -mercy for animals/troop 14/s.i. (st. ignatius college preparatory)/prison reform
development: kiva/msf (doctors without borders)/unicef/cnn heroes/mfa; comfort
3W libraries, lighting, ovens, soccer balls, pencils, water trikes, computers, infrastructure
basic needs: nutritious food, clean/accessible water, sanitation, housing, clothing, blankets, healthcare
WAR: eliminate slavery, war, torture, murder, crime, illness, obesity, premature death; chess.

Ideas I Have for Fun Jobs

all y'all lemme know if you have any other ideas, or opportunities

__ dogwalker, __doggy daycare (richmond, oakland), __run errands (on bicycle [get trailer? Second basket?]; task-rabbit, groceries, etc.), __postal carrier, deliver letters, __mover, __bellhop: claremont, __walk/jog with people (conversational companion, e.g. around lake merritt); exercise partner. __lead nature hikes. __learn, teach martial arts,__personal trainer/exercise instructor/fitness guru

At home:
__babysitting. parenting magazines, first aid, turning off gas, etc. dogsitting/housesitting. __surveys, online. __author, write a book, publish. (blog as source material), __medical transcriptionist? __audiobooks: children's books, etc. __ make fence-windmills,  __read encyclopedia(s) into audio, for the blind/commuters/those who prefer spoken format.

__Build shelters for homeless? To go where? Connect homeless with property-owners (in back yards?) __mental health advocates, __pro-life/dfla, __peta/mfa, __no nukes, non-'mutually assured destruction' security, __no slavery, more freedom __ prison reform, happy prisoners __ less homelessness, more comfort, __ no war, more kindness/tolerance, __ no torture, more pleasure, __ no hunger,malnutrition, starvation, waste, better logistics for distribution of nutritious food; __less sickness, more vitality, __ less death, more feeling alive!, __less crime, more kindness, __less injustice, more freedom, __ less pain, more fitness, __ less suffering, more bliss, __ less depression, more positive and rewarding engagement, __ less anxiety, more equanimity, calm, and joy, __ less hate, more love, __ less insanity/delusion, more truth.

Street Positive:
__ free hugs, hug and a joke, sell free hug t-shirts!! joke and a hug (25cents), __ + trivia, vocabulary, __ teach origami, __do magic tricks, ___balloon animals, __free coffee (ask me how button?) (make sign, need permit?) __ self-defense moves, __ juggle, __ have library food resource sheet to distribute, __ vegetarian lit __ positivity t-shirt (negative behind you?)

Data (learn, & make learning fun):
__ incorporate all trivia (proprietary?), or just J! into apple watch app/ tablet prisoner activity? (wbsm -win ben stein's money-, j!archive, cash cab, ww2bam, smarter than a 6th grader, snapple facts, uhaul, national geographic, trivial pursuit, ntn (buzztime [bar trivia]), knowledge trainer, wikipedia game, fun trivia, trivia crack, quizup, college bowl, quizbowl, Lawrence, Williams, wwsp... geography bee, (can it be consolidated?),  __ prisoners reading/recording books into audio. 'prison audiobook coordinator' paid to read books? Related, research: read books by prisoners, and/or about prison. __GTU librarian? St. Ignatius librarian. __ Academic research (assistant?) __personal project: access to Cal libraries (for own book)

Touch (for the lonely, elderly, disabled):
__ professional cuddler; non-sexual cuddling, hugging, affection, snuggling, touch;kind, friendly, good. Jokes, news, etc. __ masseur, massage class, get table. Check on restrictions, legality, status. 

Saturday, December 12, 2015


All (male) dogs are sons of bitches.
All humans have rights (and lefts).
If all dogs go to heaven, do all cats go to hell?
All people go nowhere, but around the sun, yet again.

My take on death:

There are no afterlives. Once you die, you're dead.
That's it, kaput, over, done, finished. No more. Oblivion.
Except for decay, decomposition, the transformation of your flesh to flies.
Those are the only wings you can hope for. Forget becoming an angel. Everyone rots.
Unless you're mummified or burned into cremains. But nothing you would call you.
Death isn't black or silent. There is no consciousness. It's non-being, non-existence.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Even your bones will disappear.
Time is eternal: infinite past, infinite future.
There was a before the big bang, and
There will be infinite 'years' even after the earth no longer revolves around the sun.
In aeons of time, our lives are like blips. In the vast of space, our size is infinitesimal.
Death, The End. We are like bubbles: you're gonna pop.
But we are not alone. It happens to everyone. The universal fate.
Life is transitory, ephemeral, temporary, fugacious.
No consciousness after life, as before-life.
Merrily, life is but a dream. And you wake up. Or die.
All good things must come to an end. Bad things, too.
When your number's up, you're finished.
Nothingness. Always. Eternally. Forever. Infinity.
Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Bupkis. Zero.
For all. Forever “and ever.” Ha.

Living dead. Zombies, vampires, buddhists.
One with the Universe, dead matter, burning stars, void
all people, no sides or sects or aversions or attachments.

Emptiness, insubstantiality, void, impermanence
The Awakened One, Buddha

it seems obvious.
but I admit I could be wrong.  I'd actually like to be!
I still think the only "souls" are the soles of our feet...
Eternal reward sounds fun.  Heaven would rule.
Or at least a few thousand more years of life!!
But what is heaven?  Heaven is not being in hell.
I would forego heaven to make sure no one was in hell.
Bodhisattva consciousness.
Getting people out of hell sounds like a rewarding and happy project.
....Theoretical blather.  Heaven and hell is now!
Help create an enlightened society.  a better world.
shambala.  utopia. heaven. disneyland? berkeley?
whatever you wanna call it! earth, ideally.
one person at a time, one day at a time, self-help protocol

i wanna say you don't have to believe in heaven to get there.
Henry Ford said "if you think you can, or if you think you can't, you're right"
That's the sense in which you should believe, as I see it -
(not waiting to wake up somewhere ideal after death).

Heaven and hell are all in your head, not necessarily:
being in prison, or a war-torn country, or dying of cancer.
Some friends, some good food, some music, some exercise endorphins, some money or gifts, a movie, a good book, sex, enough sleep, comfort...

happiness is relative.  There's always someone better or worse off than you.

Grateful Dead?  Death is the end of suffering, certainly.  Resting in peace, in the hope of rising again, a slick way of putting it.  a "certain hope".  The hope is certain, but the rising is most definitely not.  I am convinced immortality isn't possible, like the fountain of youth of yore.  You wouldn't want to keep aging!!  And if you're dead, you can't be grateful.  But you can be grateful you are ABOUT to die (Or that you are not already in hell).   Deathbed forgiveness is a valuable service, if it relieves the suffering attached to (the/one's) fear of going to an afterlife hell. 

derivative thought (from the above paragraph)
about a bout.  the-ology.  God is 'one'.  weird.  Bob Weir.  strange.  Camus' the stranger.

death psychology
1.in hell on the deathbed (already), grateful for death as the end of suffering
2.in hell on the deathbed, from the fear of going to afterlife hell.
3.in peace on the deathbed, hopeful for heaven
4.in peace on the deathbed, without hope for heaven or fear of hell.
some mix of all of the above!  see what happens!
go to the light?  the left hand path?  the door to the right? 
choice of reincarnation, heaven, ghost, vampire, avatar... oblivion
hell (in norway?!), purgatory, different levels of heaven/circles of hell, limbo
what fun

personally, i think certainty of oblivion is both the truth, and the best choice.  Maybe I'll hope for heaven when the time comes.  But the surprise will be greater if I don't!
my godfather, Richard Zonca, died recently (11/22/2015)
"entered into rest", not a bad euphemism.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Devil's Advocate

Opposite View (of yesterday's post, below this one)
for the sake of argh!ument..
  1. Let 'em fry in hell. Don't give them anything. Treat them like terrorists. Torture is sometimes, or rather often, in fact, merited. Karma is a bitch. Interrupt their sleep. Make the food shitty. Bang on the walls all the time. Deny access to legal advice, music, books. Ensure they never want to come back. Let the rotten bastards rot. They deserve monsters. Beatings are required for discipline and order. Rape and violence are the necessary deterrent component of any effective criminal justice system.
  2. Jails and prisons should be centers of pain and suffering, not education, training, and learning. If we are to have a civilized society, we need to mercilessly punish transgression, and make incarceration cheaper, so as to fund greater priorities, such a education (for those that obey the rules, and don't break the law).
  3. The death penalty is the human condition. We are all condemned. But “the wages of sin is death” says the good book. Criminals should die earlier.
  4. prisoners should be made an example of. They should be trained to fight, and put on display in gladiatorial combat, where the losers are injured and killed, in full view of a spiteful public.
  5. Incarceration should be a boring, mind-numbing, soul-killing protracted period of time, staring at the walls, contemplating one's evil past and sinful nature, and longing for freedom (not an exciting, stimulating, enjoyable place where friends congregate in communities/gangs).
  6. They say America has the highest incarceration rate in the world, but I say More people should be locked up, because human nature is wicked, and we are all deserving because of original sin.
  7. Make sure to victimize prisoners to the same, or greater, extent that they victimized society. That's what justice is: State's revenge.
  8. Racist gangs are a necessary and welcome component of prison life, as they make life adversarial, like a game, which is necessary for the drama and excitement of a life well-lived, in which everyone is for themselves, anyway. Gangs are an expression of community, and foster friendships and “family.” They are natural and healthy, like sports fan communities, or service in the military, as an expression of nationalist identity and pride.
  9. Rape should be tolerated, because only a small fraction of society is naturally homosexual, and homosex is the only outlet for sexual tension and frustration for the confined. Rape is an initiation into the joys of homosexual intercourse, and powerplay is part of the thrill.
  10. Capital punishment should be expanded to include crimes of any and all severity or lack thereof. If littering were a capital offense, the streets would stay clean. States already have the power to murder, by declaring war, or allowing abortion, or selling mousetraps, and human life has little value, in a world headed for universal oblivion, and which deserves to die.
  11. Prison should be a place of unremitting anger, hatred, and rage. A place of torments. They have it coming, and deserve every bit of discomfort, misery, pain, and suffering. Muahahaha! Let the hellish retribution commence!

New Sheriff In Town

Dear Sheriff Vicki Hennessy!
  1. the ideal justice system
    regret, forgiveness, resolve to be good/not commit further crime, release
    “go forth and sin no more”
    (is justice the same as revenge? Is there not already a universal (extrajudicial) law of karma?)
  2. incarceration as punishment, depriving of freedom, compounds the original crime:
    negative for negative, eye for an eye, leaves the “whole world blind”.
    Suffering must always and everywhere be lessened and ameliorated. Joy must be sought.
    Kindness must guide our response to evil and crime, not merciless or ruthless vengeance.
    The “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” should be borne with equanimity.
  3. rewards and punishments, carrots and sticks, inducements, intelligent use of the principles of psychology, pleasure and pain, comfort and discomfort, heaven and hell, bliss and torture, love and hate, joy and depression, health and sickness, hope and despair, security and threat, all factor into justice and rehabilitation. Happiness Psychology should be put into practice in jails and prisons, as in the rest of society, and around the world.
  4. Books, buddhism, meditation, yoga, aikido, and fitness are some of the things that make my life better, and which I think ought be made available and prevalent in incarcerated environments. Vegetarianism should be an option. The amount of suffering in factory farms is at least as big a problem as human suffering.
  5. Gangs, racism, violence, rape, and drugs should not be a part of any prisoner's daily life and reality. Good food and medications, however, can make life better and enjoyable. A prisoner getting aids, a type of death sentence, should not be a possibility.
  6. When I was in Sacramento County Jail, the ventilation and 2-way speaker system were located in the same place. Prisoners put damp toilet paper over the vent, so as not to be heard, which results in stuffy cells, and even difficulty breathing.
  7. Prisoners can be useful members of society, even live happy and productive lives, doing such activities as fighting fires, picking up trash, reading and writing books, recording audio-books (for the blind, as well as commuters), earning degrees, and even doing science. Scaring people straight, of course, is valuable (although, preferably, the horror-stories should be lies).
  8. Prison should not be “gladiator school”. But fitness and self-defense, the teaching and learning of martial arts, can be empowering, if paired with emphasis on a peaceful philosophy, as does Aikido.
  9. I think prisoners should have access to a large and diverse library, both digitally as well as “portable reading devices” (bound books!). The bay area community, in my view, should be allowed to donate books to those locked up. Best-sellers, award-winners, books by other prisoners, and recommended reading (such as from lists like the “1001 books you must read before you die”) could all be a part of a body of (approved) literature. If books are restricted to tablets, they could be adjustable in size (big-print, for less eye-strain), such as my wikipedia app has on my ipad mini. Also, reference books like new languages, dictionary/thesaurus, encyclopedias, the bible, etc. In my view, all books are equally holy. A yoga position guide!

Sunday, November 15, 2015


Me, at Mission San Jose (in Fremont), helping the nuns with their garden (with my beard!)

prr simmons said the Cat-holic!
(not to be confused with pomegranates!)
I ate a sweet, crispy one, and an even sweeter mushy one on Friday (for the first times)
other christian-linguistic thoughts:
Painting fingernails is evil!
sinner! she-devil! satan-worshipper! antichrist! demon-spawn!
what, what, what? you say?

get it- it (subliminally/on another level) elicits the crucifixion:
linguistic deconstructionism:
paint: pain/t
T as a cross.

fingernails: (crux-affix =crucifix) (nine inch nails, for example)(to get "nailed")
the 3 nails that crucified Jesus.

Did Jesus the carpenter use nails?  were fingernails called nails in Aramaic, too? Does ham have any cryptic relation to a hammer?  nailing pigs? fuck the police? pork slaughter?

get your "fix" from the "passion" (sex, drugs, and rocknroll!)
weekly mass...weak male ass? mm, ass. (bacon? weak donkey?)
allright, not everything makes sense.  scents. cents.
all write?

seriously, though, it's weird that painting nails has 3 embedded references, no?
one has no relation at all to the other!
(except maybe accidentally hammering your thumb)

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Mask vs. Real

External vs. Internal (thought/feelings)

Polite  vs.
                  annoyed, angry, hating (aha!) (gr)...stupid, trite, boring

Listening, Interested vs.
                  self-absorbed, thinking (sat!)..don't care, bored

Serious vs.
                  humorous (critical, judgemental, mocking, joking, absurd)


well vs. tormented
english vs. spanish
ordinary vs. extraordinary

Thursday, October 29, 2015

my life, lately

by Jesse L Teshara

happy halloween, i have a cirque du soleil mask to wear.
i met a checker at trader joe's whose name is Ween.
- and Alexis at ashby avenue (aaaaa!)
 we watched CSI svu, and Law and Order
(blasts from the past)

I read The Betrothed, by Manzoni not too long ago.
and Interesting Times, by Terry Pratchett
-working on my third trivia book (perfectly useless information, by Symons),
after finishing Pinkie is more powerful  than your thumb, by Vincenzo
and Book of the Bizarre, by Varla Venturi..  

my dad is happily back home (in SF) from rehab (in Pacifica).
my friend Sara (with Augustis) is visiting Rebecca in Tennessee
I had a vietnamese sandwich with them (SPA), last thurs.
I have a serious, full-on beard, of late- scruffy and shaggy!
i bought a sushi burrito yesterday, and a strawberry paleta tuesday.
I walked Fido and Taco in San Leandro from 8a to 9a, on Tuesday, too
(FaT two's day!)  I often get a pastor taco there, from los pericos restaurant.
i used up my starbuck's gift cards on cups of morning coffee-
i'm wearing my "lavese las monos" t-shirt
(it's a spanish pun -retruecano- ... wash your monkeys! ('manos' is hands)
i'm looking forward to getting a smart phone for x-mas

my bmi says I'm overweight (212 at 6'1), (maybe i'm 6'2)
and that my range should be between 140-189 (!!) Only 23 to go.
my (schizophrenia) symptoms have been much less, of late (Yes!!)
i almost feel healthy.  Is it possible?! that would be fantastic.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Musical Schizophrenia

Sarah Machlachlan or Black Sabbath?

Yes.  Both!  I like them both, anyway.
I'm a hawkish dove.  trying to be an owl.
save the puppies and kittens, and blow up the terrorists!  It's the same thing.  Well, trying to be.  Pro-life, pro quality of life, death to death-dealers...

in the arms of the angels...
fairies wear boots...

If only terrorists could all be locked up instead of murdered as enemy combatants, so they could:
fight fires, pick up trash,
read and write books, make/record audiobooks
earn degrees, do science,
scare people straight,
(empower themselves through body-building
and teaching/learning martial arts)
be contributing citizens,
live happy and productive lives...
(what else?)

instead of indirectly causing the deaths of non-targeted civilians (as collateral damage, unintended consequences), which is in today's (Huffington) news.

 I saw a video on fb of a hawkish series of bird's eye video of drone strike explosions set to Black Sabbath, supposed to fire me up in patriotic fervor and pride in our bad-ass military, eliminating American-enemy 'ragheads', who don't know who the hell they're fucking with.

It's an ugly world, and this kind of thing can be viscerally satisfying, but it's not working, it's creating more enemies and ill-will, and it needs to stop.  It's overkill, and unjust, and basically evil.  The military culture (kill em all, let god sort em out?) behind this illegal, immoral, unethical drone practice (if not policy) isn't humane or compassionate, it's criminal.  The dark side is a bitch, I know.  But even soldiers shouldn't be allowed to kill with impunity (despite what 'Be all you can be' might imply).

here's another article (on schizophrenia), which I guess is relevant.. 

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Unity of Humanity

Politics and Religion seem to fragment, aggravate, and divide humankind-

We're all in the same boat, we're all in this thing together, for better or worse -a worldwide community, the global village, spaceship earth, the third rock from the sun, floating in space, out here all alone, in this lonely spiral arm of the milky way galaxy..

No matter what we believe, in religion or politics, we should help our fellow man, our fellow citizens, and strive to make a better world for All (including animals, foreigners, strangers, enemies, prisoners, the rich, the poor, of all backgrounds and persuasions, alike and different).

We're all human, and much more alike than we are different.  Right?
War is never good, and demonization is always a step in the wrong direction.
Let's do the right thing, and respect and appreciate and be grateful for one another; be kind and helpful and friendly, and strive to be happy and pleasant and cheerful and even humorous.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Am I a Hypocrite?

Declaring Myself God might appear "A Bit Much"

I think I'm a good person, and that's all I'm really saying.  (the bible says Only God is good)
And I think everybody is basically good, and has the power to create their personal Utopia/Heaven for themselves.

But I realize it seems arrogant, conceited, proud, superior, condescending, pretentious, self-indulgent...

as well as
commonly perceived as a "messiah complex" (i.e. mentally ill)

I actually think my ideas in this blog serve a valuable purpose of bridging the divide between Theists and Atheists, as well as providing common ground for Buddhists, Muslims, Christians, Jews, etc.

I'm just an amateur philosopher, who enjoys thinking about this stuff as a kind of hobby.
And I find it satisfying Being God (!), as a way/example of being in the world. Join the party!  Be on the same team, of corporate Goodness, Godco, I am who am, Love, etc.

I still eat meat sometimes, and hate (seriously, it's rough), and consider myself fully human...which I suppose makes me hypocritical.
I'm working on it.

further clarification of what this blog is all about-

Throughout history, and around the world, in many traditions, mystics have sought unity with the divine.  For me, being God is not a transcendent experience, but rather a simple fact of everyday existence.  All it requires is to Be Good.  To be "One with the Universe" is to simply be yourself.  Divinity is One's natural state.  

Why I Like Bernie

check out feelthebern.org!

a few good reasons, in my view:
1.I believe in Universal Healthcare, for one.  (I think it should be a human right, globally, in fact)

2.I also think education should be free.  I think paying for degrees is basically a scam and a con -if libraries are free, then so should be education -it could ALL go online, as I see it. Bernie supports making public colleges and universities free (for those who get in), which I think is spot on.
(Education is basically just moving information from some people's brains to others'  (through conversations, instruction, reading books, online);  I actually think all books should be online, free, for everyone, too, like the free courses that are already available, as well as -of course- Wikipedia.  Expensive textbooks could be free, accessible online, in my book.  You agree, right?

3.I think we should keep billionaires from buying our elections.

4.Society would benefit greatly if corporations responsibly paid their share of taxes.

5. (well paying) jobs from improving U.S. infrastructure.

6. He's not Republican, not Hillary, and not Trump.
BS over b.s.!

7. He's the most liberal (which is a good thing, in my opinion (except for abortion).  He's got the right idea. You know where he stands.  He's not a flip flopper, and doesn't waffle.  He's had the same views forever.  He supports a healthy debate, a national conversation, and puts the "social" in socialism, which is what a healthy democracy should be all about.

Tomorrow night is the democratic debate, 5:30pm.
I'll be at the Bernie party at Ohmega Salvage, in Berkeley.
Go Bernie! 
He strikes me as ornery, grumpy, a bit crotchety, lol
but that's not really all that bad, and possibly what we need, anyway.
fire in his belly, as they say.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Words and Religion

such as 'Wards' and 'Jinn/gin'-

“Reality is all the God there ever is” is a quote (by Adi Da) that I subscribe to.
Reality is the only thing that is infinite.
Space and time, in both directions, bigger and smaller, past and future.
We are all our ancestor's afterlives.
Heaven is love-bliss, hell is torture (during our lifetimes).
'Oblivion' has I live on in it. But we are like bubbles, every one of us will pop.
'Hell' is similar to the contraction for he will. 'Paradise' is similar to a pair of dice.
Heart is hater, rearranged. (or, also, the word 'earth')
Soil is an acronym for sex, orgasm, intimacy, love: it's the soil from which our tree of life grows.
Evolution has love in it. The devil is to lived, as god is to dog.
Funeral has fun in it. Laughter has ugh in it. Warmth has war in it. Cold has old in it.
Hope is a town in Arkansas. Hell is a village in Norway. Paradise is near Chico.
Joy is a dish soap. Money rearranges to My One.  God is One.  In God we trust.
Hatred conjurs a red hat. Death is hated, rearranged. The letter T looks like a cross, so:
Paint conjurs pain on a cross. A cross would make me cross. You can't cross a street.
Couch also evokes such suffering: c-ouch. C is the 3rd letter, like 3 nails.  Also, there's 'touch'.  Touched by VAST (visual audio sensory theater) is a cool song.  T-ouch, mr. T-pain.
Allah could be All ahh. Or, to be legalistic, a law. Or, to be cryptic, All a H.
H could stand for a hospital, harvard, or honda, for example.
The word honda means 'deep' in spanish.
Islam almost deconstructs to Is Lame. Buddhism makes me think of hissing a boo.
Christian makes me think of Chris' chin. Christ is Chris T is Chris Tucker.
Just as Tom Hanks is to thanks. Britney Spears is an anagram for Presbyterians.
China has chin in it, too. The plate tectonics of your kitchen china. North American chi.
Communion sounds sexy. I'll wafer you outside.  Is Mass out? No, but you're shirt's untucked. Sun, the light-hearted heavenly body of christ. Jesus has Zeus in his name, in spanish. Eucharist rearranges to u a christ. Eat a hostess with your host.
I find it interesting that printer and internet have inter in them.
If you speak slytherin, you could be subliminally sinister. Inter- resting IS interesting.
A mosquito is not a little mosque. America has Erica in it. The bay area sounds like bury ya/bearya.
USA is us, you say? The body politic, another corporation. Hello has hell in it. Pillow has p.l.o in it.
The answer to what's up is High. Or, the opposite direction from gravity.
Good morning has mourning in it. And I don't usually think of breakfast as breaking a fast.
The phrase “all right” elicits for me Dostoevsky's quote “without God, all is permitted.”
Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side? He's all right now.
God is love. Without love, is all permitted? And with love, have you lost freedom?
By my count, Freedom has 5 meanings, 5 opposites:
free and enslaved, free and incarcerated, free and busy, free and oppressed, and free and expensive.
Also (addendum: of course, there's Determinism, too; #6) (Dee-bio?)
As the bible says, do you not know that you are not your own?
And, as Alice in Chains sang, if I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead.
That's all folks. Good bye. To God. A dios.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Science of Happiness

there's a (free!) UC BerkeleyX class on this topic online!

I plan on taking it, and creatively putting its insights onto this post!  stay tuned, to be continued!

Coursera has a course in "learning how to learn."  Sounds like a good place to start.  I also want to learn speed reading.  Edx also has classes in Quran and Development, which also sound interesting to me.

the code of contractions

ill, well, shell, hell

maybe worth thinking about:
ill is close to I will (i'll)
we will elicits well (we'll)
shell, she'll
hell, he'll

community and togetherness and companionship and camaraderie create wellness!
(seems to be the message)

The Pope's favorite book, and How to fall in love

From TED, and the NY Times

1)Today, in the NY Times, there was a lengthy article about Pope Francis: In it, is said Bergoglio's favorite book is Manzini's 'The Betrothed' (he's read it at least 3x).   It was published in 1842.  He said it's a good read before one's marriage.  It's not in the Berkeley library system, but I haven't checked out link+ for it, yet.  I'm not sure if it's in English/translated, or only in Spanish (which would be fun, too).  Ah, it's Italian.  "It has been called the most famous and widely read novel of the Italian language".     [1]  Link to wikipedia article about it

2) Mandy Len Catron's TED talk (on love)
God is love!  An excellent talk.

3)the 36 Questions that lead to love:
 the Psychology Today article, with the questions, link.
caveat: falling in love isn't the same as staying in love
love is a choice, made by both, repeatedly, without assurance of reciprocation:
"that's the deal with love" -MLC

Friday, September 18, 2015

Everything I Do (almost)

The last time I did this was as a sophomore at UC Davis, in the dorms:


__ In __ Out
__ welcome! Please knock.

__ online:
  __ news: csmonitor, cnn, wikipedia, huffpo, wapo, berkeleyside
  __ e-mail (jessteshara@yahoo.com)
  __ blog (jesseteshara.blogspot.com)
  __ ted, __ youtube, __ theonion, __ literotica
  __ j!archive, __ quizup, __ wikipedia
  __ khan, __ oyc (open yale courseware), __ uc berkeleyx
  __ okcupid
  __ audio:
       college radio:
       __kalx, __whrb, __wmbr, __wprb, __kcpr, _kzsc, _kdvs, _ kusf
       __krfh, __wxin, __ clave, __wybcx, __ dcr, _ kzsu, _ ksfs, _ wvfi
       __cornell, __ vanderbilt
       __ gdradio.net, __ baroque, __ mormon, __ quran
       __ joe frank, __ philosophy talk
       __ pandora
       __ hearts of space
       __ library cd
       __ audiobook
  __ reading: __ a book, __ paper, ___ magazine
  __ writing
  __ exercising
  __ eating
  __ watching a movie (from library)
  __ nothing

__ do not disturb:
  __ sleeping
  __ napping
  __ reading something really good!
  __ listening to music (headphones)
  __ doing nothing/ meditation
  __ wanking
  __ on the phone/texting
  __ entertaining a guest
  __ making sweet, sweet love

__ kitchen, __ bathroom, __ backyard
__ coffee and pastry: __ peet's, __ starbuck's, __ nearby local cafe
__ daily downtown double: central library/ south branch
     (new york times, economist, foreign affairs) and Y (swim, lift, bike)
__ meals:
  __ free lunch (mcgee church MWF's),
  __ newman, __ all soul's, __ st. mark's, __ st. mary magdalene
  __ monthly BFP (food pantry, friend's church)
  __ getting food: __ trader joe's, __ safeway, __ whole foods
  __ restaurants:
    __ sushi secrets, __ yogurtland, __ deli, __ togo's, __ papa john's,
    __ subway, __ bongo, __ noah's bagels, __ smart alec's,
    __ lox, stock and bagel, __ herbivore, __ saturn cafe, __ ethiopian (on sacramento)
__ shopping:
  __ walgreens, __ orchard, __ goodwill, __ target,
  __ sports basement, __ corner store (brb)__ nearby market
__ gtu library (“holy hill”), __ cal library, __ north branch, __ west branch, __ claremont branch
__ beach, __ park, ___ museum, __ musical venue, __ movie
__ san leandro, __ san francisco, __ fremont (mission san jose), __ south san francisco, __ auburn, __ pacifica
__ oakland: __ SPAP's (Sara, Pierre, Augustus and Poutine), __ Kaiser (group), __ volunteering, __ some restaurant on Piedmont ( __ thai, __ chinese, __ fentons, __ ethiopian)
__ yoga (yttp) (yoga to the people), __ group meditation (shambala)
__ walking, __ biking, __ running

the boxes are for putting in a pushpin.  maybe the printed paper should be placed over a cork board.. and maybe a pinwheel with "will be back in __ minutes" would be good.  and maybe (!) one shouldn't trust people to know where u r and how long you'll be out (!) Also, I staggered the original in sets and subsets, with indentation, which didn't translate into the blog very well.   This is my "freedom matrix" of 115 things (by my count) I can choose from, at any time.  Or, of course, I can do something else, step outside my routine/comfort zone (such as traveling, or finding employment, or meetup groups, or surfing unvisited websites.  Or Actually Surfing.) - but making this list was still a good exercise in Know Thyself.  I've got this list up on the wall in my room, it helps with freedom, I think.  It's hung next to my 2 book-lists.

- p.s. I'm currently reading Terry Pratchett's 'The Last Continent'.

On Evil

a quote, well said (imho)

(that's short for 'in my humble opinion')

"Evil is not a rare virus that a few of us catch. It is a disease that is transmitted in bits and pieces from person to person until it accumulates and overcomes an individual."
 -Natman Schaye

article link

Friday, September 11, 2015


Juxtaposition of Opposites

Good and bad, Virtue and vice, Right and wrong, Kind and cruel, wicked and Helpful
God and devil, Saints and sinners, Angels and monsters, Heaven and hell, Love and hate
sick and Well, Healthy and diseased, Strong and weak, Fit and fat, possessed and Exorcised
Pleasure and pain, Comfort and torture, suffering and Bliss
Joy and sorrow, Happy and sad, Elation and depression
war and Peace, Sex and violence, Creation and destruction, Love and rockets, guns and Roses
Enlightenment and delusion, Truth and lies, Nirvana and false-consciousness, Awake and asleep
life and death, living and dying, alive and dead, beforelife and afterlife, reincarnation and disintegration
temporary and lasting, ephemeral and eternal, always and never, transitory and forever
infinite and nonexistent, being and nothingness, immortality and oblivion

yin and yang, black and white, soft and hard, light and dark, male and female, cold and hot, 0 and 1
republican and democrat, liberal and conservative, red and blue, right and left, moderate and extreme
high and low, up and down, above and below, superior and inferior, top and bottom
victor and vanquished, winner and loser, celebratory champion and dismal defeated, noisy and silent
looking down on and looking up to, condescension and admiration
dominance and submission, gentle or rough, clean and dirty, fast and slow, loud or quiet
respectful and disrespectful, amorous or pugnacious, fuck 'em or fight 'em, overt or covert
inside or outside, alone or communal, subversive or helpful, sacred and profane, courteous and rude
benevolent and malevolent, beneficent and malicious, philanthropic and evil, law-abiding and criminal
appreciative and resentful, real or fake, powerful and powerless, design and chance
pure and diluted, homogeneity and diversity, local and universal, global or parochial
static and dynamic, change or maintaining the status quo, routine and variety, same and different
hot/arid/dry desert and clean/clear/cool swimming pool, scorching heat and biting cold
prepared and unprepared, obtuse and precise, frustration and facilitation, supported and thwarted
infinite and infinitesimal, meaningful and absurd, big and small, huge and tiny, chaos and order
potential and realization, extraordinary and mundane, hero and villain, anarchy and structure

Better and worse, Pleasant and unpleasant, Laudable and heinous, Empathic and sociopathic
Free and enslaved, free and incarcerated, free and busy, free and oppressed, free and expensive
Rich and poor, Wealth and poverty, Affluent and impoverished, The good life and squalor
hungry or Sated, starvation and gluttony, lack and excess, malnutrition and obesity
work and play, leisure and labor, games and real life, virtuality and reality, needy and satisfied
Security and danger, unity and fractiousness, harmony and discord, equanimity and dukkha
Truly you and living a lie, drunk and sober, anxiety and Serenity, Informed and out-of-the-loop
Educated and ignorant, Wise and foolish, Curious and uninterested, retarded and Brilliant
Smart and stupid, Intelligent and dumb, Sharp and dull, Fast and slow, Bright and dim
Insightful and imbecilic, superficial and Penetrating, shallow and deep, probing and incurious
Lovely and horrific, Beauty and ugliness, miraculous and droll, Honor and dishonor
affable and dour, serious and in jest, Helpful and hindering, problem and Solution
Sublime and annoying, apathetic and Inspired, Interesting and boring, bored and Engaged
active and passive, Proactive and reactive, Clarity and confusion, Delicious and disgusting
anguish and Bliss, Hope and despair, synonyms and antonyms, Satisfaction and anhedonia
weird and normal: insane and outsane, sane and unsane, dead and undead, thriving and get a life
isolation and community, antisocial and social, misery and FUN.

alpha and omega, beginning and end, words and Silence!

Thursday, September 10, 2015

All We Ever Do

this just about covers it, I think

(input, output, body)
i- read, watch, listen   (books, mags, paper, tv, movies, websites, radio)
o-write, talk, create     (phone, computer, face to face)
b-eat, exercise, sleep

or, put another way,
eat, drink, piss, shit, wake, sleep, work, play
move yourself around, things around, and ideas around
(body, ideas, things..."bit"coin!)
see, hear, smell, taste, touch (do an "internal diagnostic"!)
breathe: inhale, exhale; suck and blow 

to and fro, hither and yon, here and there, out and about, there and back, up and down, right and left, forward and back (!)

all we ever do is LOGISTICS (move stuff).
punctuated by naps, prayer, meditation (mind maintenance)

a more psychological angle:
happy: food, sex, entertainment, nature, laughter, money, learning/teaching, endorphins, reaching goals/achievement/success, comfort, beauty, love.
unhappiness: pain, suffering, boredom, frustration, sadness, anxiety, danger, sickness, stupidity, ignorance, ugliness, poverty.

JT's recent thoughts

some concepts meriting further investigation

medical terminology:

difference between:
-energy, spirit, mind
-worry, stress, anxiety, fear, panic, paranoia
(feeling unsafe, afraid of future problems with relationships, money, health, etc.)
-psychosis, dissociation, de-realization
(is one a type of another, or a completely different problem?)

getting personal
My dad is in the hospital with a leg infection (cellulitis)
One of my aunts is waiting on the results of a biopsy (update: benign!)
An uncle is battling cancer (leukemia).
Another uncle (and aunt) are moving from their home to a care-facility.
And I, of late, have been (too/painfully) symptomatic.
in other news:
It's my brother's wife's birthday, today: Happy B-day, Liz!
and my friend Jack's birthday, today, too.
Tomorrow (9/11!) is my friend Theresa's birthday.
Go, Virgo!
I just turned 44 on the third.  Hoping it'll be a good year for me.
received giants gear (hat, sweatshirt, tee),
and subway/trader joe's/amc movies gift cards

coping tools:
take a shower, exercise, go for a walk, music, meditate, lie down...
do something different -get into a different frame of mind.
call a friend, be social, get out of your head.

Today's number-
my number: 6
(on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being perfectly healthy/happy)
maybe 6-8.  right now, in the moment, I'm fine (I like writing), but recently has been tough.
i like the idea of a range (for the past week, like the highs and lows of daily temperature)
 my 3 symptoms: head-shocks, chest pains, voice
 (some days, I'd almost say I'm well!)
      other days, my voice might say it (!, lol)

I recently discovered the website www.feelthebern.org
about Bernie Sanders:  Go, Bernie!
I want to read the entire site (it's extensive)
He just had a birthday, too (a fellow Virgo)

I recently read: Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett
His 'The Last Continent' is due back in 3 days
I also have checked out, 2 books by Vaclav Smil (global catastrophes, and made in the usa)
I didn't finish my Mark Twain book.  Maybe I'll check it out again.

also, my aunt Vicki is running for SF Sheriff
she gave me a BD card with a funny picture (a pun) of vices clamping pigs/boars/hogs:
if you're happy and you know it, clamp your hams!
my first thought, though, was: vice pigs
(like miami vice, and the denigrating term for police officers)
SFPD, btw, doesn't have a "vice" department (anymore?).
jesus, the carpenter: did he see something wrong (evil?) with clamps?
i think of Cheney as a "vice" president (kind of evil)

Jesus and linguistics, speaking in tongues, and-
on a related note:
the word "paint" has 4 possible subliminal meanings:
(P ain't, Pa int, Pai NT, and pain T)
-P is the emoticon for ack
-int is intel (intelligence) on pa/dad (hopefully healing)
-pai make me thingk of pai mei from kill bill, and NT makes me think of new testament
-and, of course, pain T makes me think of Jesus (T, the letter, looks like a cross)

other crypto-christian words
words like fixture and tangerine (fix t you are e, t anger in e)
e is the 5th letter, christ was punctured 5x, christ in (my) numerology is 38912 (or 5).

I come from a political family.   (knowledgeable dad, holding court at the dinner table) My dad used to teach:  citizenship in the community, citizenship in the nation, and citizenship in the world merit badges (for the boy scouts of america)

and my mom goes to Catholic Mass every day (her sister is a Sister, i.e. a nun).  She used to be a social worker, and the front desk person at Duggan's Serra Mortuary, and is learning how to give eulogies at Catholic funerals.

today's religion thought:
I am God - like everybody else (I submit).
"Allah" : all a H

the latest "idea of reference"
JLTV is the new "joint light tactical vehicle" for the military, as an improvement on the humvee.
Jesse Lawrence Teshara Victory!! in my head, anyway.
Will I be able to buy one for the streets? prob'ly not, I'm guessing.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

The Panetics of Dukkha

Ugh: negativity, revisited
oh, bother

lack, privation, want, need, destitution, poverty (abject, dire, squalid)
homelessness, hunger, starvation, malnutrition, famine, dehydration
inequality, unmet basic need, bitterness, hardship, difficulty
sickness, illness, disease, affliction, unhealthy, unwell, harm
mentally ill, mad, crazy, insane, psychotic, of unsound mind, nuts, loco
hearing voices, possessed, disturbed, schizophrenic/telepathic, lies
misery, hopelessness, despair, unhappy, discontented, wretched
ire, resentment, enmity, anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury, spite, malice
anguish, sadness, depression, sorrow, regret, grief
pain, suffering, torment, torture, agony, hurt
anxiety, stress, worry, upset, dis-ease, unease, uneasiness
impermanence, emptiness, insubstantiality
dissatisfaction, unsatisfactoriness, flaw, imperfection
vex, irritate, annoy, bother, impatience, rankle, aggravate, gravel
fear, fright, terror, horror, panic, paranoia, sadism, schadenfreude
frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense, meaninglessness
disaster, tragedy, misfortune, calamity, catastrophe, cataclysm
anomie, angst, incarceration, jail, imprisonment, slavery
evil, psychopathic, sociopathic, depraved, diabolical, monster
cruel, unkind, vicious, mean, hurtful, ruthless, brutality
sinful, wicked, criminal, immoral, unethical, corrupt
scum, garbage, trash, vermin, refuse, inhuman, inhumane
inferior, subhuman, disgusting, foul
hell, murder, war, injury, destruction, death
atrocity, genocide, holocaust, apocalypse, armageddon, extinction
satan mephistopheles lucifer beelzebub antichrist devil (sml bad)
crime, punishment, justice, karma, capital punishment, oblivion
powerless, victim, vengeance, revenge, merciless, cold
stink, stench, rot, reek, fetor, mephitis
act of God

D is for dukkha
difficulty, distress, dire need, destitution, discomfort, discontent, dis-ease, disease, dehydration, disaster, disgust, disgusting, disappointment, dissatisfaction, depression, disrespect, diabolical, dark, depravity, despair, disturbed, devil, demon, death, decay, decomposition, destruction, damnation.

what is dukkha?  wikipedia link

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Today's Thoughts

Associations and Stream of Consciousness:

Pairs, dyads, couples
Coffee and pastry, luggage and sweater, mom and dad, astros and giants, win and loss, greg and liz, erin and dan, benjamin and augustus (and march baby!), sara and pierre, poutine and marcel, julie and sam, miette and r.crumb, harry potter and riddle/voldemort, fido and taco, pastor taco and quarter pounder with cheese, vegetarian and carnivore, sister and brother, lay and religious, lottery and okcupid, god or devil, rain or shine, compare and contrast, simile and metaphor, opposites and thesis, antithesis, synthesis. Process and dynamic. Synonyms and antonyms. Diction, details, sentence structure. Connotation and denotation. Poetry and prose. Affirm or deny. Just say no. drugs and food. Fasting and slow. Haste and Rush. Breakfast and breaking fast. Morning and mourning. Eat and great, 8 and ate. Foo fighters and food. Die and diet. T and cross. Awake, alive, aware. Arising. “tomorrow is, a new day” -movie x (casablanca?) white house. President and big cheese. Tu and 2. Jesus and president. Two and “the whole office”. Eucharist and you a christ. Body and blood. Bread and wine. Wine or grape juice. Vampire and cannibal. Eat and drink. Hunger and thirst. Need and want. Motivated, dedicated (ooh rah!) get some, be all you can be. Fun and funeral. Laugh and ugh. Ugg boots and Eve and Adams. Original sin and Adia (“we are born innocent”). Gnosis and no sis. Sent and scent. Makes sense. Dime and 49, me (Jesse L Teshara vs. Jesse Teshara (other). JT Snow and Gregor Blanco. So on and so forth, this and that, here and there, hither and yon, to and fro, there and back, back and forth, up and down, forward and backward, front and center, love and rockets, guns and roses, hip hop, rhythm and blues, american telephone and telegraph(!), mci mad crazy insane, happy go lucky, love-bliss and lbj. Agent J (will smith), wwjd. Right! Write rite. Rich-ual. Beet and beat. Beetles and beatles. My one and money. Funny money. Anagrams, candygrams. Acronyms, homonyms. Homeowners, homo sapiens. Chuy, Jesus, Isai. So many names. Take your pic. What's in a name. Moniker, tag, screen name, label. Tidal wave, tsunami. Surf and serfs. Slavery and bdsm. Wage-slaves. Walmart and Walgreens, law and wal. Devil and lived. God and dog. Love and evolution. Stream of consciousness, babbling brook, flow and flowers and flour power, muse and music. Sound mind, sound body, sound of silence, simon and garfunkel, sos, noise annoys. SI lent. St. Ignatius (liturgical seasonings) Catholic garlic. Gar is a fish. Alcoholic and catholic. Associations and ass/so/cia/shuns.
Thoughts and thaw. Mind and mined and mine. Words and letters, war and blood”lett”ing. Mail and male. Phrases and sentences and periods. jail and prison. JLT and jail-time. PRI and Vicente Fox. Mexico and Mejico. “underbelly” . Spic and span. Hispanic and spanish. McLean and cleaning ladies. Los Angeles and the the angels. Fox and 666. numerology and coding. Binary, 0 and 1. on and off. 2 and 666. jesus and beast. Virginia and Maryland.

Courteney cox and The World on Time, pussy cat, richard, cocaine (koch, coke is it), Canada US Mexico, Texas, 6. sects. sax(ophone) blue jays (bj), cops (copulations), Gina. Ballgame. JSM.

Murano (mucus and urine), Shattuck, Winnie the Pooh, krusteaz (crusty), shampoo
shit, shiite, “sacred heart institute of technology”, william shatner, poop deck, message,

synonyms/word sets:
piss, urine, pee, pp, #1, make water, micturate, whiz (wizard, wis-dom/dumb)
(you're in, pissed off, toy let, porcelein throne)
bathroom, restroom, lavatory; urinate, defecate, flatulence, expectorate
shit, crap, dung, poop, pooh, number 2, defecation, excrement, feces
sick, ill, diseased, unwell, unhealthy, afflicted, having a condition
heal, ameliorate, convalesce, improve, get better, get well, remission
diarrhea, vomit, phlegm, mucus, pus, catarrh, coughin'/coffin
bodily fluids: blood, sweat, tears, spit, urine, cum
trash, refuse, garbage, junk, rubbish, basura
respiration, perspiration, inspiration, expiration, suppuration, aspiration

colander, sieve, strainer, (sifter?) plate (in your head, tectonics).
Chew, masticate. Ingest, swallow. Breathe, inhale, exhale, respiration
power strip, surge protecter, power cord
carpet, rug. Couch, sofa. Seat, chair. Picture, photograph, image.

pp, s.a., mt, nme, dk (urine, essay, empty, enemy, decay)

pick it up (baseball, concept), pickup truck
on the road (again), underground, in traffic, congestion, in the road, Rhode scholars.
Crack, groovy, side (wok). Guardin' your garden. (a thieves) fences. (bill) Gates.
Tree (Theresa, comedian, etc.), Lief (erikson) bole (bowl), trunk (elephant, luggage), branch (bank)
twiggy, stem (science technology engineering math) (space time energy matter) Robert (Plant).
Water: wah! To Emergency Room. Sun and Son. Bright and brilliant. Smart and light-hearted.
toe (theory of everything), “stub”