Unique Visitors


I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Friday, October 13, 2017

An Ideal World

it's called The Heavens because there's more than one
(my version)

No war, no police, no nukes, no crime, no hate, no sickness, no death, no aging, no indoor cockroaches, no irritation, no discomfort, no poverty, no madness, no suffering, no pain, no loneliness, no sorrow, no evil.

Love, friendship, joy, freedom, equality, pleasure, treasure, wealth, health, comfort, security, and entertainment. Teleportation? Time travel? Hovercraft? Holodecks? Interstellar travel? Unlimited, free heroin?

No car accidents, no misunderstandings, amity, comity, levity, brevity.

Sushi, thai, burmese, chinese food available always and everywhere.

Everyone healthy, fit, strong, sane. Integrity and authenticity and sincerity and respect. No psychiatric drugs necessary.

No condescension, mind control, stupidity, ignorance, obesity, addiction, repression.

No murder. All life in harmony. Carnivores satisfied with delicious substitutes.

No slavery, sex-slavery, wage-slavery, forced labor, social control, unwilling assent, hierarchy, superiority, inequality, castes, grovelling, kowtowing, dictatorial powers and rule, military orders, resentment, or jail, prison, incarceration, punishment, or any other limits to Absolute Freedom.

No one will live under a social contract ,or rule of law, that they do not agree with.

Submission of any kind is entirely voluntary, and non-binding.

Love is the whole of the law. Hate is just another form of love: Loving something else.

Life is fun, pleasant, satisfying. Variety, challenge, reward, and bliss.

Laughter and companionship, excitement, joy, and non-judgement.
The freedom of leisure to rest, relax, and laze in torpid sloth.
The reaching of human and individual potential.
Safety, security, and utopian lack of threat.
Perfect happiness.

Heaven, the kingdom, utopia, perfection
individually, and collectively.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Vice and Virtue

Good and Evil

Evil, first (the problem)
Good, second (the solution)

unhealth, sick, ill, diseased
boredom, ennui, apathy
tyranny, despotism, authoritarianism
stupidity, ignorance, incuriosity
folly, foolishness, immaturity, carelessness, error
confusion, delusion
bad, mad, sad
crime (illegal, criminal, unlawful) and sin (“palages”)
categories of crime: vice, violence -manslaughter, murder, homicide
categories of sin: pride, avarice, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, sloth
haughty, greedy, salacious, malicious, overeating, jealous, idle
madness, anger, insanity
psychotic, schizophrenic, mentally ill, crazy, loco, nuts
anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury (wharf)
disgust, aversion, resentment
pain and suffering, dukkha and dissatisfaction
victimization, vice, violence, viciousness
worry, anxiety, stress, panic, terror, resignation, defeat
cruelty, torture, barbarity, savagery, brutality
agony, torment; fear, horror
misery, anguish, despair, hopelessness
sad, unhappy, discontented
depression, oppression, obsession, repression
sadism, schadenfreude
corruption, slavery, rape
assault, battery, theft
wickedness, evil, sin, turpitude, depravity
immoral, unethical
inhumane, ruthless
sick and twisted
diabolical, demonic, depraved
death and destruction, wicked and wrong
violence, war, combat, fighting, aggression
inhumanity, inequality
injustice, unfairness
"slay all day", "kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out"
"murder is my business, and business is good",
"make a killing", the mad interpretation of "make a difference"
(difference in the sense of subtraction, minus: less lives)
capiche? money, mad magazine, and progress are great!

God, Love, Truth, Beauty
mentally awake, morally straight
motivated, dedicated
character strengths and virtues (seligman)
virtue, morality, ethics, righteousness, probity
help others at all times, be a man for others
to serve and protect
do best/duty, do a good turn daily, be prepared
(a scout is) loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent
trustworthy (but the art of war is deception)
obedience (my least favorite)
kindness (“is my religion”)
reverent is tricky (for an atheist) (or a friend of the devil)
do my duty to god and country: (complicated by putting humanism over patriotism)
cheerfulness is not appropriate, sometimes

God is good, everywhere
“all good” and “all right”
strong, fit, healthy, sane, well; measurable self-improvement
feeling good, healthy, happy, alive! endorphins, sex, good nutrition
friendship, humor, laughter, play
in love, loving, loved, "loving-kindness"
equanimity, acceptance (vs. resignation, defeat)
optimism, positivity, joy, happiness, cheer, bliss, ecstasy, elation
goodwill, harmony, love, respect, honor, appreciation, gratitude, thanks, praise
kindness, compassion, sympathy, empathy, charity, giving, hope, forgiveness, mercy
sincerity, honesty, openness, trust
justice and fairness, freedom, dignity
civilization: civility, cooperation, communication
satisfaction, contentment, comfort, peace, security
basic needs, healthcare, food, clean water, shelter, clothing, sanitation
income, money, wealth, prosperity, plenty
progress, betterment, development, growth, change, improvement
nature, relaxation, pleasure, leisure
libraries, music, books, tv/movies, restaurants
stimulus, variety, engagement
meditation, discernment, calm peaceful quiet
relaxation, sit, do nothing, breathe, be
to be good it is enough to not be bad, to simply be
“only god is good” plus “basic goodness” = everybody God
("now everybody's me!" -dead milkmen)
victory, self-mastery

hug, kiss, embrace, massage
sex, love, intimacy, touch
cum, ecstasy, orgasm
passion, excitement
dance and romance
Get On Down!

Friday, October 6, 2017

Hillary Madness


My friend Sara met HRC today, at a book signing of her "What Happened."
I haven't read it, but I have my own ideas.
I want to read it to see if she mentions them.

Hillary Clinton anagrams to "only i can thrill"
Donald Trump anagrams to "ton lard dump"

I also see rump and clit, in there...
don (like a mafia d-, or d- quixote), vs. hill (i.e. capitol  h-)

The Economist, awhile back, said that Trump support correlated closely, regionally, with high rates of diabetes and obesity (I think it was).  People that most need CHANGE (in their own bodies!) voted for Trump, the non-politician.   I call this bio-politics.  And it makes sense.   If you're unhappy, you'll vote for the change candidate (perhaps blaming your unhealth on "the system" or "lousy politicians").

I found it interesting to note that Hillary's signature (on Sara's book) omits the "ton" from Clinton.  These are the letters she shares with dONald Trump, as well as being a possible reference to obesity.

I bought a Cherry Garcia (ben n jerry's) ice cream on voting day, I remember.   Sometimes I wonder if that had an effect on the election!! (crazy?) The pundits said Donald had a 16% chance of winning, the day before.  I really wonder how they came up with that number..  I don't buy ice cream very often.

Well, I hope having The Donald in the white house leads to weight loss and better health!

Jerry Garcia, by the way, said "voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil."
I imagine this idea was in the mix on voting day-
just like ben n jerry's being from VT (bernie's state).

go figure.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

"people are dying"

I've been hearing this phrase in my head for awhile, now

(but it's in the news from the governor of Puerto Rico, after hurricane Maria)

what it means:
8 possibilities (but we all know it's just one)

"people are dying"
1. literally (just dead)
    or, getting closer to death (all of us, right?)
2.figuratively, a. (embarrassment), b. ("little death", aka orgasm)
3. code: (dying = killing) e.g. you are dying me
4. homonym, dye-ing (coloring a fabric)
5. DI-ing (e.g. princess Diana)
6.die-ing (obsolete form of the singular of dice)

i think there's more!
using google-

1.da'i (arabic):
someone who invites another into Islam (missionary, engaging in dawah)
    (i dreamed of a girl saying "hada'a", and there was a website using the word dai)
2.(japanese) table
3.(chinese) band
4.(italian) from
5.(hindi) safety

it makes me think of I, Da.  (adi da, yes?)

And, while we're on the subject of death,
military slogans:
1.aim high
2.be all that you can be
3.get an edge on life
4.army of one
5.army strong

and, on a related note, associations for the word 'pillow' (!)
PLO (palestinian liberation organization)
pill o
pill ow
pill low
(e.g. viagra, painkillers, and prozac ("upper")("and one pill brings you low")

de plo rable, di plo macy, im plo sion!!

To Do, updated

To Do (eat, exercise, sleep; read, watch, listen; write, talk, create; work, play, move stuff around)

apple store: apple ipad (apple id?), change pw, ensure not charged for itunes; mountain mike's,
buy disaster preparedness kit (camping stove/fuel, can food, water purifier, etc.)

Exercise: (home/gym/dog/yoga), meal planning (budget, vegetarian; minimal sugar, alcohol, meat), blocks of time, endorphins- better than sex! (nap, meditate, relax, music, sleep, dream)
     YMCA: swim, lift, bike.  row, elliptical, stairmaster.  free weights, machines, pull-ups/chin-ups.  personal trainer sessions, go when there's something on tv, bring fm radio/headphones, economist, book, phone (multitasking!); HOME exercises: stretch/yoga (2100), shakes, isometric, plank, passes; pushups, bicycle/ crunches; dumbbell triceps, bent row, arnold presses, front raises, lunges, dancing!

Spanish immersion (SI)/mastery; reading, listening, speaking, thinking, writing, translation; (2 visual dictionaries, regular spanish-english dictionary, library cuentos, library grammar book, found 3rd year textbook, roommates/tv, wikipedia/ yahoo/ ted/ youtube/ itunes/ cnn / la opinion)

book/day (esp. newbery award winners (children's books), joke books, short stories/BAMS (best american short mysteries), crime encyclopedia (library reference section), unread @home (mostly fiction, plus comparative religion, literature, psych, history, yoga), Lev Grossman- online "if you liked" recommendations);  lists: (purchase list book(s): 1001 "must read before you die", Bloom's canon, 501 best, "mystery" list, gates notes (bill) book recommendations, vargas, basmaji, award winners, best selling, okcupid faves, librarian picks, research literature from stacks).  anything/ everything interesting, impulse, judged from cover :-)

Magazines: peruse People, Mad, Utne, Men's Fitness, PT, and Nt'l Geo (y revistas en espanol);

Read money books, tony robbins, kaiser hw hb (health wise handbook), chambers/slang dictionaries, atlas, origami, yoga, bb (body building), aletheon (adi da), wb (world book encyclopedia),  Year's Best horror/fantasy, true crime, by prisoners, ALL the self-defense, martial arts books!
proust, shakespeare, pratchett, bryson, lev grossman, noah harari

-weekly economist (print subscription);
-library: ny times (daily), christian science monitor (weekly), foreign affairs (every other month);
-Online: yahoo y cnn (english/spanish), huffington post, berkeleyside, onion, wikipedia, la opinion; weird news, sex in the news (literotica)
-e-mail: wapo daily 202 email, ny times evening news summary
(too much?)

other online reading:
e-mail, other blogs, google, wikipedia, okcupid, ted, phrontistery, cc joke archive, J!

make a friend/day;
dance and romance, dating, sex, and love:
okcupid, match, street/campus (give my card), morning coffee/pastry, kalx ticket winning, class audit, arts and crafts locations, enroll adult school class(es), meetup groups, trips to SF, mensa, ymca exercise partner(s), fellow trivia buffs, Wag! (bring shirt, hip pack, treats, bags, bandannas), start conversations, trader joe's, distribute vegetarian flyers, youtube self-defense, aikido; find training partner(s), go to cal gymnastics meet (they have superpowers!), play with Augie and Ben and Declan and Esme.  Chess?  senior center?

$ possibility:
Post Wag referral cards, advertise as cuddle/exercise partner, nature hike leader, trivia compiler. Bellman. Author: write/publish, update/print blog, SEO/spark, elicit, strengthen, cause, grow readership. Make into book. Research at gtu, cal; from public libraries, shambala buddhist center, and link+. Researcher, librarian. Journalist. Self-defense instructor, personal trainer. Rent-a-friend. Military psychiatrist. Philosopher. Audio-book narrator. Naturalist, botanist, zoologist. 

MSJ (mission san jose, fremont) gardening, paint doors with Julie, big brother, plant trees in oakland, prison lit volunteer, spiritual variety (different services), read books for blind, gtu librarian/relaxation (ook!), research volunteer opportunities/website, listings

Cal library: research topic. (unmatriculated phd?, inexpensive/free diploma opportunity?) Book.  

fold futon mattress, whrb morning jazz, history x3 (wikipedia/ books- Grim Reaper, Today in H),
stretch, 4 vitamins, move indicator-tack, oatmeal/raisins, coffee
bathroom: brush (hair, teeth), floss, piss/shit, deodorant, shave;
gnc (before gym), shower (after), nap (if necessary), mcgee meals mwf nearby
read email and news and spanish and facts and book, laundry (once/week-ish), listen to music and relax, walk dogs, occ. visit SPA (Sara, Pierre, and Augie), write blog, get food/eat, exercise (at gym and/or at home), go to library, clean and straighten/organize, set alarm, pull futon pad onto floor, night meds, evening review, go to bed (etb/etr; 9:30p-4:30a).

daily ny times, wapo 202, delancey book excerpt, poem (poetry foundation), trivia, vocab, nextdoor updates, family correspondence

yahoo news, music/comedy-itunes/youtube/pandora, dancing (use itunes gift cards!),
fb (facebook), wikipedia, google, ted, oyc (yale), onion, wbsm (ben stein), cc joke archive, coursera, lumosity, wolfram alpha, phrontistery, weird universe, J!, pinterest, ipad mini trivia game

(youtube): e.g. geography bee, ask a ninja, bb motivation, cirque, juggling, parkour, music videos, background sound, self-defense, anime/animation/cartoons, cash cab, ridiculousness, dance-off!, marx brothers, laurel and hardy, monty python, stand-up comedy.  pixar, dr. katz

tv (gym, S+P's, bar, Barry's)
(netflix, roku) game of thrones, black mirror, westworld, curb your enthusiasm, (animation): simpsons, ren n stimpy, old cartoons, beavis n butthead, southpark

fandango gift cards, spike n mike's twisted film festival (sf?); (documentaries, nature): imax, piedmont video rentals, library dvd's/cd's, documentary channel (online?), nature videos- e.g. nt'l geo specials, apple tv?

J! (jeopardy question archive, “3 months” to go through them all), trivia cards, fact books (entire library reference section!), teacher's tests archive?; old-time radio, bay area museums (52 in SF alone), nihonmachi street fair, bay to breakers, comedy books/clubs, nature/royaneh, canoeing, white water rafting (oa? outdoor adventures)), great america, visit Pat Zonca (w/ mom, train?), hike up Mt. Davidson (to cross?), wayne n gloria, yoga, bay area tourist travel guide rec's, park n rec publication activities, aquarium, planetarium, exploratorium, lawrence hall of science, ballet, symphony, opera ; boating, fishing, horses, camping, hiking, photography, astronomy, bird watching; library trivia night! Indian rock, sweat lodge. SJ sharks, sf dogfish, 49ers, a's/giant's, soccer, olympics. Go see a movie, eat sushi thai indian chinese burmese vietnamese mexican ethiopian, get crafty, do drugs.  dating! Videogames, solitaire, cribbage.  get a massage.  occasional catholic mass. 

Go Slow. People-watching. Do nothing. Nothing at all. Vegetate. Be one with the universe. Om.

be good. Don't be bad. basic needs: food, shelter, clothing, clean water, sanitation, healthcare.
Respect, love, kindness, joy, security, comfort, peace, happiness, contentment, equanimity.

bring book lists to library list, visit ALL local libraries/swimming pools, take all local bus lines

pimp (people in my past):
John Sims- Melanie?, contact Jose Vargas, radio show? Heuser writings, Al Madrigal hbo special
past: Mary Moran, Holly Johnson, Joe Flaherty, Mike Nathan; reunion (Mike Ferry photo's?); visit Michael Helbush and Barry Wichman, Annette V Riddle, Pat's storage.

Fave comedians:
Stephen Wright, Louis CK, Monty Python, Al Madrigal, Joe Frank
jokes, humor, comedy, satire. Laugh, smile, play, fun. Joy, happiness, frivolity, merriment!

college radio (listen, list ten):
Wprb (princeton) marven rosen, hos (hearts of space), wmbr (mit) reggae;
sunday mornings- philosophy talk, whrb (harvard), kalx (cal) < online, or on the air (fm)
kzsu (stanford), wybcx (yale), kzsc (santa cruz), gdradio.net (grateful dead), kcpr (san luis obispo), kdvs (davis), 11!

Superbetter, book and website, daily maintenance and improvement, getting out of social comfort zone (bars?), make the perfect self-employment opportunity (digital books ,worldwide), AA (!), speed-reading books (class?)

put free meals on calendar, monthly food pantry, scheduled alternating lunches with Sara, 801 cookies

discover and go, comicon, made museum, pinterest, dan clegg, shotgun theater, cirque, magic, sumo, mma, wwe, lawn bowling, horseshoes, national parks, world roller-coasters, skydiving, hang-gliding, rock/mountain climbing/scrambling, fly a kite, make bubbles, origami, light of, pottery, a book, an invention, money, babies.

instagram, melissa and james, train museums, twitter (pe resists), walk lake, haircuts, toys r us, piedmont theater, ice cream, video, and massage. Kaiser (other?) cbt class. Read, enjoy in courtyard.

travel and explore: world, country, california, bay area, berkeley, my neighborhood! Nature tourism.

Berkeley alumni center/employment office resources
Career OneStop (library website link);

also, Britannica, Explora, National Geographic, Mango languages, OED (oxford english dictionary), Legal Information Reference Center, Gale Business eBook Collection.

purchase e-bike,

if well-
tesla, porsche, bmw motorcycle
save money, self-discipline, bfp (berkeley food pantry)
fence windmills

Friday, September 29, 2017

Vogon Poem

Thinking About Thought: a basic outline

   scholarship, thought, ideas, concepts, knowledge

reading, writing, arithmetic
counting, processing, labelling
research, teaching; compiling, sharing
data, information, facts, figures, truth, trivia
notes, memory, review, testing
renaissance man, know-it-all, scholar-athlete, master, doctorate, phd
wisdom, understanding, truth, enlightenment, omniscience
lectures, presentations, speeches, data transfer, communication
curiosity, intelligence, creativity, imagination, wit
discipline, motivation, intensity, commitment, dedication
stimulus, learning, processing, reflection, comprehension
usefulness, practical application, profit, reward
satisfaction, enjoyment, pleasure
challenge, engagement, positivity, speed-reading
sound mind, sound body, sound principles
talking, speaking, conversing, relating, dreaming
love of learning, life-long learning, variety
books, magazines, libraries, internet, museums, zoo
music, movies, plays, dance, sports, arts and crafts
schools, college, university, travel, experience
wise in the ways of the world
being "mental," knowing (biblically), flow-state
science, games, meditation

tattoo, ABO blood type, sticky
Reed, rite, a tick
count dracula, bull
search again, i ching, cum and pie and ling cod, cher
date, in foe, flight formation
axe, figure skating, ruth, trivium/trivet
not einstein, meme maury, view again, 1212
rebirth, It (stephen king), s.a. , jack of all trades, master of nun
    (essay, south america, saudi arabia, south africa)
doctor it,  post hole digger
wiz, overstanding
light up, Omni (magazine)
hannibal lector, president, peaches, brent spiner, trance fur
cum unity k shun
cure, intel gents, cree indian, magi, wit (with)
disrespect, m.o. (modus operandi), tent city, M.I.T., dead cat
ren and stimpy, earning,  professional cess pool, singing, mirror, hen
us, Cal, apple, prophet, (psych) ward
s.a.t., mint, plea
nasa challenger, gauge, paws, peed, ding
noise mine, baud, prince
ta, peak, verse, late, ming vase
lol, rie
ook, reload, libra/aries, inter, zoolander
mew sick, move E (ecstasy), lay's potato chips, ants, port, rat, raft
cool, ledge, universe, Ravel, peer/pier Ents
world wide web
mentos, no wings, flowers
sigh, gay, med (meditteranean, medication)

The End

stick it (2 ya):
ship, thaw, drug enforcement agency, sepsis, Knowles

Friday, September 8, 2017


A few associations

1.Tool: 46 and 2
    I love this song

2.Forensics (four n' six)

3.for sex

4.There are 46 countries in Asia
46 countries in Europe

5.There are 46 books in the (Catholic) OT (old testament)

6.Humans have 46 chromosomes

7.An elephant's heart can weigh up to 46 pounds

8. OK (Oklahoma was the 46th U.S. state)

9.Jesse: J is the tenth letter (4+6), esse is Latin for is/being:
      IS J
from Lansky's baby names:
   Jesse: (hebrew) wealthy
   father of david (yishai)
   Jescey, Jesee, Jesi, Jesie, Jessee, Jessey, Jessi, Jessie, Jessy

I just turned 46 on Sunday (9/3/71)
Got an origami book (for dollar bill), target gift cards, and
    a print subscription to the economist
and 3 dinners (sushi, irish cultural center, parents' home in sf)
  i had linguini with prawns at the icc

Thursday, August 31, 2017


GoD's Soul

Go, Devil
Get Out Dickhead
owned, possessed, a puppet, avolition
mind control, hypnosis, telepathy, the man in your head, mind meld
voices, schizophrenia, demons, conscience, angels, guardian
hears your prayers, thoughts. Hive mind, collective unconscious.
“do you not know that you are not your own?” -bible
God's slave, or devil's demon? Corporate mind. Freedom?
Godco. better than the alternative, selling your soul (what's it worth?)
souls don't exist! Spirited (alcohol?).
Sole of your foot, or shoe. or a fish. Sole (the only, solitary)
sol is spanish for sun (and a mexican beer)
sadism, schadenfreude, satan
hissing, sibilance, snakes
banality of evil (hannah arendt)
universal, total depravity (calvinism)
I like watching Ridiculousness (mtv)
It makes me laugh (there's ugh in laugh)
Am I evil? (-Metallica)
It's all good! What up, dawg? Don't be a hater (street)

Love everything?
A righteous person has a lot to hate
like killing.
Meat, abortion, war, capital punishment
swatting flies, crushing cockroaches
eating yogurt, the daily dietary regimen of whales!
There is a time for all things under heaven
Or lies.
Deception, manipulation, secrets
omission, comission, evasion, mistruth, misdirection
keepin it realz, dawg

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

recent riff

on God, the usual topic, lol

I need to pee. You know, urinate, micturate, orinar. Yellow flow, splashing, bubbles. Yell ow, if it hurts (but it doesn't). Maybe if I had gonorrhea, if I were sexually active, as well as unsafe. But I'm not. In fact, I take care of myself. I walk, I meditate, I go the gym, sometimes I even do yoga. I'm trying to eat less meat, sugar, alcohol. I take daily multivitamins, which turns my pee neon. I do pushups at home, and stretch, and brush my teeth, floss. I aspire to read a new book every day, learn to speed-read, eventually read all the books in the 1001 “books you must read before you die”, as well as the Newbery award-winners, the Bloom canon, and Bill Gates' recommendations. I only read the best. I operate at the highest level. I write the songs that make the whole world sing. You probably think this song is about me. It is. I aspire to be all I can be, to aim high, to be “Superbetter.” I supposedly have schizophrenia, but I have faith that that will be behind me, someday. Mentally ill, to totally well.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I won't be constantly angry. I will be good, in every way. Fit, sane, well, strong, healthy, better, you name it. I will meet my challenge, and rise above. Years of suffering will translate to supreme wellness, equanimity, insight, wisdom, maturity, enlightenment. I will have strong muscles, a “steel-trap” mind, a healthy bank account, and many friends. I will make a difference. I will finish the thousands of books on my reading list, plus some. I push myself to the limit. In short, I will be God. I am already, but I will be more so. Every day, I will be more Godly. Constant improvement, betterment, progress, development, change will yield noticeable results. When I die, I will be missed. I will piss, but not be pissed. I will be in a flow state. I will reign from my porcelain throne. I will have power, energy, electricity flowing from me. I will be in charge.  I drank the electric kool-aid.  Urinate, you're in 8. H is the 8th letter. 8 sideways is the symbol for infinity. Breath is br eat H. God is 3 letters, G(7), O (15), and D (4). Sums to 26. 2 plus 6 is 8. Allah, all a H. God is in the air. The spirit of God moved over the earth.  Hurricanes and tornadoes are Acts of God. When you breathe your last, you expire, and give up the ghost, which is just moving some air around. The butterfly effect could make any puff a hurricane. All of us together, perhaps makes all the difference. Respire, inspire, perspire, expire, aspire, church spire, there's a theme here. A spy's ire. Let's bring sanity to humanity. And save the manatee. And fan a tree, simply be, before being history. That's me.

My name is Jesse, Chuy, Jesus, Isai. I speak spanish. I'm just another monkey, eating and breathing and taking up space, moving things around, and thinking, contributing to the psychesphere, the collective unconscious, what-have-you. My vibes, my thoughts, my blog posts, my ideas, my decisions have their ripple effects, like everybody else's. We're all Gods and Goddesses. We're all part of God, which is reality, for humans, with words, breath, and the need to be part of something larger, something positive, the source of all goodness, and a comforting destiny awaiting us when we die, among other things, like a way to endow our opinions with greater authority, or enshrine love as the highest value and purpose in our meaningless lives. God is happiness psychology. God is a word, hypnosis, a meme, a concept to rally the troops and unify peoples and give something for philosophers and theologians to think and talk about. God is everywhere, always, infinite, everything, eternal, perfect, loving, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent; and, of course, completely fictional. God is a man of war, and war is the art of deception. God IS, isn't he? God is a role, a form. God is Santa, for adults.  God is the collective goodwill of humanity.  God is dog, backwards.  God is lord, life or death, light or dark, love or despair. God is good orderly direction, getting old and dying, the game of death, the good old days, the goal objective and destiny, among other things (good or diabolical?).

God is big, God is small. God is a category 5 hurricane, or an ant's fart. God doesn't care what you think. It's all good. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. Say what? Bloodletting, somewhere, a gun (piece), hater/heart (earth), gin, wit, middle earth. Words are chock full of references.Chaulk.FU. Resume references: God thinks I would be an excellent asset to your company: bright, a team player, disciplined, creative, motivated, and friendly. He's one of the good guys!

Tuesday, August 8, 2017


a bunch of BB bits

Bongo Burger, Boss Burger
Berkeley Bowl, Body Building

BB King, Bill Bryson, Bibi Netanyahu

bb guns, big brother
big bang, bed and breakfast
beach boys, beavis n butt head
base on balls (walk, baseball) 
big butt, big ben
Bill Bradley,  Brigitte Bardot
Burt Bacharach, Bela Bartok

bouncy baby boy
beach blanket babylon
bicycle builder's bible

best buy, brooks brothers

Monday, August 7, 2017

Nukes and NK

America is hypocritical

I believe NO countries should have nuclear weapons.  Because if EVERY country can't have them, then none should.  Mutually Assured Destruction is MAD, and I believe it is in fact truly insane, even if it appears to have worked, so far.   Does it take one to know one?  Well, I am in fact insane.  If any leader has the power to push the button, then all leaders can claim that right.  The current system of nation-states and international law respects national sovereignty, right?  Is it international policy to have might make right?  Is the golden rule, he who has the gold, makes the rules?  Shouldn't we all be equal?

I believe every human being on earth should have the same human rights.   It is evil to make the people suffer for the policies of their government, especially if unelected.  Even if a leader is elected, however, he doesn't represent everybody, or even necessarily a majority.   How can America demand denuclearization without offering to disarm itself?  The cover of the Economist says "it could happen."  If the "unthinkable" is possible, it's time to re-think our defense policy.   I suspect Trump is at least as crazy as Kim Jong-Un, and the world does not need two leaders comparing the sizes of their...missiles.  

We must all agree to serve humanity, not just our own countries, and make progress toward the reduction of suffering, and increase the peace, love, happiness, morality, and progress of all of us.  We are all just human beings on Earth.   I am a humanist before I am an American, and I consider North Koreans as much my brothers and sisters, as those in America.   And even if there are 1,826 billionaires in the world (with 7 trillion dollars between them*), as well as more than 3 billion people living on less than $2.50/day*, we are still all equal in the eyes of God.

There's a lot to be mad about, but killing is not the answer, and especially not nukes.  

*according to Forbes 2015
*more than 1.3 billion live in "extreme" poverty, less than $1.25/day
(according to UNICEF, 22 thousand children die each day, due to poverty)

Let's get real, folks.  God is all of us.  Every single one of us, the devil inside.  Do the right thing.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

6 sayings

on Suffering

1.if you're going through hell, keep going
2.no pain, no gain
3.what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger
4.nightmares are therapeutic (still alive!)
5.(christian) "redemptive value of suffering"
6.cruel to be kind (in the right measure)


a commonality to many names of God

God, gawd
om, aum

(reminds me of a soda commercial;
evokes refreshment: Ah!)

realization: aha!

2.Brahma, Brahman
    (hindu god of creation; ultimate reality)
3.Jehovah, Yahweh, Jah (derived from YHWH)
4.Krishna, Bhagavan, Ishvara, Shiva
7.Waheguru (sikh)
8.Ahura Mazda (zoroastrian)

for fun! (godly people)
people names:
Adolf Hitler
Anne Heche, Anne Hathaway
Anthony Hopkins, Alfred Hitchcock
Alexander Hamilton, Ally Hamilton

authentic happiness!

God's Name and Number

from Wolfram Alpha, google, and wikipedia

Yahweh (common vocalization of the 'tetragrammaton',
              God's personal name in the Christian tradition.)
 other names include:
Allah (Islam)
Brahman, Bhagavan, Ishvara, and Paramatma (Hinduism)

2.'God's number' is 20
(number of turns to solve a rubik's cube from any random starting position)

3.How many Gods and Goddesses are in Hinduism?
all deities are viewed as manifestations/emanations (m.e. !) of the one (genderless) principle, Brahman.  (representing the many facets of Ultimate Reality) (u.r. : you are!).

wikipedia list of Hindu deities, link
       (Ishvara and Tara are close to Teshara!)
       (3 main ones are Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva;
         creator, sustainer, destroyer, respectively)
        (330 million people in India were affected by the 2016 drought)
         (The 2017 US population is close (!), estimated to be 324,700,00)
        Hinduism is the world's largest religion, with over 1 billion
        Hinduism, wikipedia link
        Tara means "One who protects"
                            (or "mother of liberation" in Buddhism)

from wikipedia:
the word 'tara' also means star. As the star is seen as a beautiful but perpetually self-combusting thing, energizing all of life, so Tara is perceived at the "mother of all buddhas" - the unified field of energy from which all form arises.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

The Universe

in a nutshell

Some basic research (via google/wikipedia):

How many stars are in the known universe? (estimated)
more than 100B galaxies (10 trillion? -kornreich). The mw (milky way) has around 300B stars (but is not representative).
10 trillion x 300 billion?
"3x10 to the 23rd", according to research by Pieter G van dokkum and Charlie Conroy, published in 2010 (from wolfram alpha)

how many stars are in the Unknown universe?? (zero, much much more?)
“god only knows” (no one knows)
does universe=reality?
Multiverse of consciousnesses
(the human brain has more possible connections than the number of atoms in universe)

How far apart are stars, on average
in the Milky Way (our galaxy), stars are an average of about 5 light years apart (which is about 30 trillion miles).
Ted says the “average spot in space” is completely dark

speed of light: 186,282 miles/second
a light year (a distance) is x miles: about 5.88 trillion miles

how big is the known universe?
Infinite, of course
or, unknown (no center, no edge, no limit!)
but our furthest seeing telescopes (hubble “deep-field”), can fathom out to (10-15Blya) ”so far”
age, since BB (big bang): 13.799+or- 0.021B ya (according to one model)
also, (+8): bodybuilding, bill bryson, gun pellet, big brother, and brigitte bardot, bella bartok; bed and breakfast, base on balls (walk).

how old is the universe?
Scientists, until recently (?), estimated the big bang was 12-14B years ago,
(solar system 4.5B years old) (humans “genus” few million years)
modern humans, from skeletons found in africa, started (date to) 200,000 years ago.
(100,000 ya, SWA (southwest asia) (60-40,000 ya elsewhere in the OW (old world)

why is it called the Old World?
Africa, asia, europe...before oceania and americas discovered (by europeans)

fabric of spacetime
is our way of conceptualizing the relationships between objects in universe.
Atoms, planets, stars, galaxies, universes!
but i still think there is infinite time, and infinite space!

big is small, and small is big, if you like
space, the final frontier (time-travel?)
infinite possibility

funny thought:
the universe expanding could actually be everything shrinking!
(like the sun going around the earth,
or the earth moving around a (stationary) me!)
(we are all the centers of our universes) vanity of vanities!

Tuesday, August 1, 2017


the dark side

nighttime, as the world turns
   (day on the other half, just like summer and winter separate the north-south halves)
knight and DE
the dark side of the moon

the darker side, whrb
star wars, let the hate flow through you
    emperor, darth vader, sith
batman, the dark knight
deep (ocean, earth), interior (of mind, body)
    honda means deep in spanish (laguna honda is deep lake)

evil, demons, vampires, monsters, criminals, thugs
death, vision going black, the black death
violence, mourning, secrets, magic, elegance
space, inky blackness
   black hole
night conceals, keeps from view, hides
cold, cold-hearted, icy stare
black ops

dark skin
black vs. white, chess, spy vs. spy, Go
negro means black in spanish (Niger, Nigeria)
   everyone is black (inside), has black in their eyes
   everyone has white bones, has white in their eyes
blackligh, blackground, blaxploitation, blackula

blackguard, blackbeard, the black war
black panthers, the black hawk war, black september
black power, black lives matter, black twitter
back in black (ac/dc), black dog (led zeppelin),
black sabbath, black metal, black ice (ac/dc), black rain (ozzy)
The Black Album (Prince, Beatles, Jay-Z)
blackalicious, blaque, black-eyed peas
blackdamp, Black Dahlia
blackberry, Black Forest, black hills, black sea, black oak
blackbird, black bear, black adder, black kite, black mamba, black widow, black rhino
black pepper, olives, tea; coal, sable, ebony, Anubis
black friday, in the black, blackjack, black market

Monday, July 31, 2017


some thoughts

(word itself evokes: in, light, mind)
en is in in spanish
light is a particle and a wave, from fire/electric lights/sun (plasma), photons
            during the day (perceived with eyes), at night (dreams in mind)
            or daydreams, visions, imagination  ("second-sight")
                  (from morpheus, god of dreams/God) (or self-generated)
            -aside: some of the blind (those who had vision, and lost it) still dream and see things
            -(telepathy, from a "source")(or from one's own mind),
                   (or interaction between both)
            Lucifer, besides meaning Satan,  means
                  light-bringing, morning star, Venus (when it rises in the morning)
                  hell is a place of fire (fire is a kind of light); fireplace (santa/satan)
            stars in sky, "stars" (Hollywood, for example), luminaries
            bright, intelligent vs. "dim-witted"
            light, not heavy (jesus: "my burden is light")("is the way, the truth, the light")
            thought, thinking, realization (synapses "light up" when stimulated)
            light-sabers, tracer fire, flaming arrows, flame-throwers, bomb explosions, gunfire
            light-hearted, levity, cheerful, happy.  humor.
                 the unbearable lightness of being
            childbirth is a process of coming out into the light
            birds "alight" on branches; lighthouses to guide ships; light snack
            illuminati, "lamp" (naughty, amped, los angeles, military police)
            e=mc2 (matter is energy (some of which is) is (visible) light)

Buddhist enlightenment is extinguishing the flame or fire/blown-out, however (dark?)
    to extinguish the causes of affliction, suffering
              mental/physical illness
             (sid vicious: sickness, illness, disease) (dukkha: suffering, discontent, dissatisfaction)
                   (pastmad: pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish, despair)
                    (experiencing the unwanted, not experiencing the wanted)
                      (attachment, craving, aversion)
                           (greed, lust for money, sex, for example)
                           (anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury)
                           (attachment to life/living, aversion to dying/death)

 to cultivate equanimity, realization, discernment; extinguish ignorance, delusion
     lasting happiness from self-knowledge, attaining truth/wisdom
       (insight, comprehension, understanding) (awake)
      meditation: resulting in a calm, tranquil, peaceful, still, and quiet mental state
      4 truths: impermanence, no-self, emptiness, suffering

Enlighten-mints, yum (lol)
some tasty truth
the buddhist vacuum cleaner has no attachments
the buddhist monk says to the hotdog vendor: make me one with everything
alive, awake, aware

i don't believe in souls, rebirth, reincarnation, samsara (i know a Sam and Sara, though!), or sin.
Souls are bodies and brains and minds, life is cyclical in days, weeks, months, years, etc but not lifetimes,  a "past life" is just a different chapter in your life's book, so to speak.   Sin could be thought of as 'satan in', but everybody is their own god with their own law and situational ethics, so my sin might not be yours.  No sin, but definitely law and crime, so hell is incarceration (jail or prison) or other lack of freedom (slavery, or the matrix (?) limiting what you can think, say, or do).

Friday, July 28, 2017


Daily Writing
“writing-meditation”, like sitting, or walking, or whatever.
towards an entity of quantity of quality creativity
does that make sense? An itty-bitty amount? Scents? Sensei (teacher, (master?), japanese)
authorial, editorial, compositional productivity. Intelligent, fresh, inspired, creative, fun to read/write!

A system, an attempt at the mastery of reality, a TOE (theory of everything), a personal perspective.
MY reality, which upon being read, becomes the virtual reality of the reader.
“Processing books i've read, life-experiences, conversations, past thoughts/writings, meditations, reveries, ruminations.”

(processing words themselves, words in words, what's in a name:
Boo!, ook, ivy, blood, shakespeare/shake spear, peers, convicts (cons), verse/poetry/bible, passed, p.a.s.t. (pain, agony, suffering, torment), thaw, oughts, meds, te (spanish for tea), shins, engines/injuns, ries (laughs, in spanish), rumi, room, rumen (cow), nations). You could go further than this kind of deconstruction with anagrams, initialisms, synonyms/antonyms, connotations/denotations (“because you know sometimes words have two meanings”), translations, rhymes, homonyms, quotes, and jokes!)

really, just as there are 26 letters that make up 171,476 (current) words in the english language (OED, 20 volume second edition), there is a non-infinite variety of possible (meaningful) sentences using those words. That would be quite a long book. How many books exist, you ask? Google, in 2010, came up with the answer of nearly 130 million (published in modern history). So this is just a drop in the ocean, like tears in rain.

Libraries are social places, despite the quietness of minimal conversation.. because every book is the author screaming out to be read, for mindshare, for self-aggrandizement, for influence, for immortality, if not the money/income from having their work published and purchased. But, we all know, or should anyway, nothing lasts forever. Not even diamonds. They will decay over the kalpas of time, like every star, every planet, every living thing. So a book is as futile as breathing. But it's something to pass the time, and can be fun, while it lasts.

Life is short, and you only live once, so you should make your life fun, interesting, worthwhile, and meaningful. You are the captain of your ship, and can choose to change direction at any time. You can write up a bucket list, a lifelong to-do list, which will give your life order, a kind of fate, for your (what, 120 years, max?). You could be Jesus, you could be Hitler, you could be nobody, you could be everybody, or you could just be “yourself” (which you define for yourself, and can change at any time).

You could even be God. That's if you want to be good, but don't want to be Jesus. And nobody in their right mind wants to be Jesus. Seriously, it's not worth it to prove your universal love by submitting to torture and execution! But God is love, and if you love everybody, then the right nails the left and the left nails the right, in the politics of a stupid, divided, politically bifurcated society, such as the supposedly “united” states of america. Well, I don't love everybody, then. I'd rather do the nailing than be the nailed. Honestly, I'm not sure I love anybody. Well, I love myself, of course. But does anyone share my perspective, which is a mix of both “left” and “right” positions? I don't think leftism is a consistent philosophy, nor do I think the Right is all right. If no one agrees with me, then I guess I want to nail anyone! I support a consistent life ethic. I am pro-life, being adopted and grateful for not having been aborted. So I would nail the abortionists. Mothers who kill their babies are nailing themselves, really. They shouldn't feel proud of not choosing to give their children up for adoption. I am also pro-life in the sense of being vegetarian, not contributing to the suffering and death of animals, and being an environmentalist, who doesn't appreciate unnecessary hunting for sport, or the exploitation of natural resources to satisfy the greed of selfish, destructive, uncaring capitalists, for whom the meaning of life is simply making money, with life as a game, where the richest man wins. So I would nail those who pollute, those who kill, and those who make a killing. Actually, this makes me pro-war, doesn't it? Those who want to kill can go kill other people that want to kill, and wipe themselves and their ilk from the planet. God is a man of war. That's actually from the bible. Nature is beautiful, even if red in tooth and claw. I can definitely see how life is hellish, and why anybody would want to make billions (of dollars), the billions of poor be damned. But I also see how easy it would be to ensure all of humanity lives comfortably, in peace, with basic needs met, and access to enjoyable activities like restaurants, gyms, sports, libraries, internet, and museums. If I were a soldier, that would be the only thing worth fighting for. Not dying for, though. You only live once, and you should be selfish enough to make yourself the priority, in a world of shit. 

    You should elevate yourself to God, and be responsible for your own happiness, instead of submitting to a non-existent entity, or an organized religion, or even a cult with others who will gladly tell you what they think "God" wants from you. Every religion starts as a cult. Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus... they were all crazy. But life is crazy. It's hard not to be. Sanity is difficult. But I think most of us would agree that sanity is a good thing. If “only God is good”, then you have to make yourself God to be sane!! This fact takes a little getting used to. It's a mix of Buddhism, that says all humans are Basically Good- and the bible, that says Only God is good. It (I am God) is rational, intelligent, wise, sane, and makes life interesting and meaningful. I imagine that you have to evolve and emerge from insanity toward the eventual enlightenment of seeing oneself as divine, after coming to the realization that You are your own you-niverse, the God of your own consciousness, the captain of your own ship, responsible for your own heaven or hell. If you are not God, then No One is. There is nothing to submit to. Religion is a lot of blather, memes, sermons, writings, and rituals that don't amount to anything, unless you become the God that everybody else is supposedly worshipping. That is why Catholics celebrate Eucharist. You are what you eat, and if you eat God, then you become him. God matter, after going to “Mass.” Making the spiritual real, the virtual into the physical, word made flesh. Go out to love and serve the lord. Jesus is dead. So the lord is you. You've just been hypnotized to think that you've eaten the body and blood of Christ, which is kinda gross if you think about it. But it's called communion. That's subliminal for cum-union, or sex, which is the whole point and purpose of being alive and in love, being fruitful and multiplying and having children and raising a family. If you're looking for the meaning of life, well we're all basically programmed by evolution to survive and reproduce, and no religion will get very far without celebrating human sexuality. Lord is life or death, and sex is living, orgasm is called the “little death,” and death is D eating H. Smile (emoticon) eating God (8). Or something like that (hated). Devil eats God, God eats devil. That makes a kind of sense. Words are weird. But it's a world. I like animals, and empty, wordless realization. Concepts and thinking don't always require words. Images, numbers, words, and curiosity make a thoughtful mind. 

So the right crucifies the left, and the left crucifies the right. And if you're both, you're screwed, too, and maybe end up like Jesus, nailed for loving everyone. Open-minded, expansive, accepting thinking got him nowhere but hell. Did he say don't let the left hand know what the right is doing? Or vice versa? I have to look that up, to see what side Jesus might have been on... I assume right was righteous and left luciferian. But left is loving, and right so very wrong! I don't think I care, honestly. I'm not Jesus, I'm God. Screw Jesus. I'm not even Jewish. And I can choose to simply be Jesse, and not be God, as life goes. People have a lot of baggage around the word and concept of God. I just want people to realize that they are their own “source of goodness.” God is just happiness psychology hypnosis, as I see it. We're all God, especially if we help each other get there. Praise Jesse! Praise God! Praise the Lord! Praise Bill! Praise the goddess! lol

Saturday, July 15, 2017


what does it mean?

link, wikipedia

the store was originally consumer value store,
then the ceo said it was convenience, value, service.
link, wikipedia

I have a few of my own!!

creativity, virtue, satisfaction
criminality, vice, sin
cthulhu, voldemort, sauron


Thursday, July 6, 2017

Thou Art God

If none of my other rationales hit home...
You can't deny this one!
T.a.g., you're it

2 "terrifying truths"
Attack of the Killer Facts, by Eric Grzymkowski:

1. There are about 1 billion bacteria in the human mouth
(and to them, you are a God!) pg. 13

2. The average human's digestive system contains 10 times more bacteria than there are cells in the entire body.  This amounts to approximately 2 pounds of bacteria.
pg. 18

You are an ecosystem, a planet, a host

symbiosis: (4 kinds):
amensalism (amen!)
parasitism (like a vampire!)
commensalism (mensa!)
mutualism (everybody's happy)

wikipedia explanation (link)

yet another reference to the "mystery" of the eucharist
(the "body of christ" is called a 'host'); something to think about.
Wafer me outside, ha
Is Mass out? No, but your shirt's untucked! Ha, again.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

my newsy, busy email

 hi mom

I have enough money these days (I'm making $55/day, for 13 days, at 1613), that I can afford the gym membership. Hopefully, I can renew the discounted rate. Also, maybe my paying will help motivate me to go more often. Thanks so much for helping with it for so long! It was much appreciated! I just bought a pair of hiking/walking shoes from REI ($130-). I like them. I met another wag-walker there (Emily). In addition to daily walking, I can always do pushups and stretching at home, and jumprope or jog, if I have the time. There's a free yoga studio, downtown, as well. I miss swimming at the gym pool, though. I buy protein powder from GNC, (and most of my food from Trader Joe's). I went with Sara and Augustus to the restaurant Spoon (korean food) today. It was my turn. She chose the restaurant. I have so much I want to do (books, especially), that I think I need to get (more) self-motivated, to reach my goals. I saw a life-coaching video from Navy Seals who recommend you wake up at 4:30a, to "be all you can be" (mixing Army with Navy!!)

Has dad seen my Retirement Activity Ideas list? I thought I printed a copy, maybe left it on your desk.
Anyway, it's on my blog, and I can print it again. But I think dad should make his own list, before consulting mine.
1.But I know you expressed interest in going to a live stand-up comedy club...
2.And I already mentioned the fact that I learned from Wikipedia, there are 52 museums in SF alone.
(wikipedia has a page listing all the museums in Northern California)
3.i bought a chess set, awhile ago.
Other ideas were Trivia cards, selling stuff on ebay, meetup groups (meetup.com), and the library!:
large print books/audiobooks/music cd's/movie dvd's...SO much!
And, of course, do nothing. Nothing at all. Ha!

Have a great July 4th. Junie (the dog) is sensitive, so I expect she'll be barking. A great guard dog, though (if small). (I know when the mail has been delivered, for example). She likes me, and there's no sign of her biting me again. I give her treats (I bought a bag of lamb, and Julie gave me another bag, too), and give both of them love and attention. Junie really loves her morning walks. She bounces off the walls, literally. And their yard is really nice. There's a hammock, a trampoline, a picnic table, a bench, and of course the two stray cats they feed (no names), who get along with Giffen (the 3-legged cat). I think I saw a raccoon, though, a couple nights ago. Junie sometimes bullies the cat, so at night I put her in Electra's room and close the door (so the cat can come down the stairs and use the litterbox in the basement at night). Giffen is pronounced Jif'n. like the peanut butter. He sleeps with me on the bed upstairs. And I take out the trash, bring in the mail, and water the (indoor and outdoor) plants. I've been emailing Teresa (the owner) every other day. They're (Johnny, her husband, and Electra, the daughter) in the Bahamas. Teresa was in NY the same time as you guys, I think. She went to Florida, after that, then on to Bahamas. And Erin and Dan (and Esme) were in NY, too (as I'm sure you know). They sent me a nice email with 11 photos.

Sara said I'm invited to go with them on vacation again, in the Fall. She's researching both Cuba and Columbia. It looks like Trump is reversing Obama's Cuba policy, so maybe not that. I'll get to use my Spanish, either way. I actually did today, when I went back home to use my printer to print up my (online) paystubs for my monthly (last-month's) income reporting to SSA that I do at the beginning of each month. That, and the bfp (food pantry), are my monthly routine. The pantry is near my weekday Rilo (yorkie terrier) walk (today's and tomorrow's were cancelled, though). Anyway, I talked to Edgar's nephew, Miguel, (in spanish/en espanol) to ask if he wanted August's rent in advance (I already paid this month's rent/wifi/utilities, because of the Relocation Assistance money, and the SSI resource limit). Edgar wasn't home, though. Claudia is his wife, Victor his dad, Isabel his mom. Sometimes I see Miguel's sister, too. So there's maybe 5 of them in the garage. They put in a bathroom, so the property has "tres banos". There are various crops growing in the yard (like peppers, squash, tomatoes). Still no oven, tho. The guy living in the living room (on the couch, behind a screen) is out now, which I appreciate (I always felt intrusive on my way to the bathroom). Jose is still in the kitchen, lol. You guys are always welcome to come visit me in Berkeley, again.

I'm reading another BAMS (mystery short-stories, best american series). I gave Jim and Vicki one of those, for Xmas. I think they're kind of addictive. I just finished a yoga book (the "8 limbs" of yoga), by a New Yorker, who now has her practice in Santa Monica, which I found interesting. I also found (on the sidewalk, in Oakland) a Bill Bryson book (I recommend anything by him), that I'll lend you (if you want), when I'm done. It's titled 'A short history of nearly everything', an attempt to put Science in everyday language, for the rest of us. Anyway, dad might like big print editions. You can get movies (dvd's) and music (cd's) at the library, too, of course.

Sara said she would give me a (print) subscription to the Economist for my birthday. I cancelled my digital subscription, because it was taking up memory on my phone, and I'm reading other stuff right now. My email gets a daily poem (from the Poetry Foundation), which I like. I also get daily trivia, vocabulary, news (from the NY times, as well as the Washington Post), and notifications from local meetup groups. Meetup.com is great. You can make your own group, if you want. Sara said she recommended me to someone for (dog, i assume) sitting, so I might get an email or phone call.

So this week, I walk Junie daily (for a half hour), I like to start my days with jazz on whrb (harvard radio), go to the library/gym/social security office (all within one block, downtown Berkeley), and go to Kaiser group (which is now on Wednesdays, 10:30a-noon), in Oakland (near Sara, Pierre, and Augustus; he likes to be called "Augie" now). No more free lunches at Kaiser, now. I have a Wednesday lottery (SLP) ticket. Wish me luck! When I'm online, I usually listen to music at the same time. I have the radio (kalx) on now. I think Junie likes it, too. I like college radio. Rilo is at 2p, Wednesday thru Friday. Rilo is 17 minutes away, by bicycle.  I make $16, for the half-hour walk. Sara said she considered applying for Wag! Herself. I consider it paid exercise! I'm walking Fido and Taco tomorrow morning (which is outside wag). A new month! (i get paid in advance, in cash :-) I like to check my blog to see who's visiting (a widget tells me from where), and sometimes I feel like writing a new post. I just wrote about the (schizophrenic) voices, yesterday. There's the Camp Royaneh post, too, which dad might like (read to him?). I also check my Wells Fargo, online, to see if a check has gone through, etc. Maybe I'll buy a sushi burrito, or a subway sandwich (they have oatmeal raisin cookies, too), or a small pizza (veggie from mountain mike's, near Rilo, near the Berkeley adult school). Sara sometimes feels overwhelmed, or in need of a break, so I help her and Pierre with Augustus, which I also enjoy. Her Sur La Table job (tob job!) is near Rilo

it's all good. Reality is all the God there ever is. God is love. Make love the reality. Sanity, wellness.
genesis: parents have sex, conceived, life in the womb, birth, youth/childhood: infancy, toddler, potty-training, schooling: kindergarten, pre-school, grammar school, hs, higher education: college (bachelor's degree, master's, doctorate, post-doctorate), lifelong learning! (The list of all books read)... summer camp, boy scouts. work, jobs, careers, employment. Buy a car, purchase a house, raise a family, travel, vacation, retire, be a grandparent, leisure. Political, social activism. Hobbies. Go climb a rock. e.g. scrambling, mountain climbing, rock climbing. Or whatever. Exercise, body-build, eat well. Go to gym, work out. Beat the blues. Emerge into sanity from a long hard slog through mental illness. Achieve personal goals, make progress, check off items on a “bucket list.” Be happy. Grow old, die. Get spiritual, die well. Wave down from heaven. Leave a legacy, fond memories, and a corpus of creativity, art. Be all that you can be. Live, thrive, love, and otherwise v! Victory, vanquishing vampiric individuals and violent victimizers. Replace a thirst for blood with a thirst for water or wine or justice or knowledge or sanity or good lovin'. There's a big difference. Boxing and Wresting and MMA are madness. Nuts. Insanity. Increase the peace. Go with the flow. Live and love. Peace, love, and happiness. Joy, happiness, and bliss. Kittens, puppies, and rainbows. Live in the moment. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift: that's why it's called the present. Ha. Present arms! Two. Let it be. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. Let there be light. Let your light shine. Let the good times roll. Let them eat cake. Lots of letting. Bloody hell, man.

Shadow, sadism, thanatos, schadenfreude- turn to the dark side, Luke.  Try everything once.  Be all you can be.  Like CVS (cthulhu voldemort sauron!), lol.  Or Kaiser (Soze).  The devil.  Satan, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub, Antichrist, a demon, a hellion, a vampire, a criminal, a sinner!! Just do it! says Nike :-)  Get down with your bad self.  Like Mai Lai, or something.  Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out.  Geezus.  Be God.  Be Good.  Just Be.   It's all good, they say.  All right, they also say.  Happiness is a warm gun, the Beatles.  Happy 4th of July.  War is hell.  Go, Warriors.  What a mess, eh?  What a message.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Recent Stupid "voices"

schizophrenic psychosis,
aka telepathy with that dumbass,
David A. Eldridge, attorney

stfu, asshole, dickhead, punk
leave me alone

does "insanity" happen for (a) sane reason(s)?

i've given you a fist of my mind
you're basically the only living human on this rock
you know what Jess: I am a sad man
i'm going again
u r the whole ball game, Jess
i'm tired of zoo to funeral
you're in the army
i think you're well
because that's governmin
jesse, i can't define what you are
you're a stone cold doctor
you have an insane program
i hate life to you
i'm fucking wrong, jesse
i'm going to fucking die, jesse
david is in hell
i'm a victim, jess
i fucking hate you, jesse
i need help, jesse
i'm fucking screaming
fucking OW, jesse
david is insane, jesse
fuck you
i cannot breathe
i'm going to hell jesse
i need help
people are dying
david is insane jesse
ALL RIGHT, jesse
i am the devil, jesse
david is crying again
he is going to kill you
david is scared
david is insanely sad
i hate it
you're getting it impossible again
david swallowing, jesse
i can't FUCK-ing take-it anymore
i can't DEal, jesse
he's crying, jesse
i'm going insane, jesse
yes jesse, that is what you get, that is what you fucking get
david is killing himself, jesse
i hate myself
you deserve a doctor
a doctor of mother fucking WELL
i hate my life
i'm a tard out of my fucking mind
i hate you jesse
i can't FUCK-ing do it
IT. you're about it.
you know what? huh
david swearing out of his mind
david crying his soul
david has gone to hell jesse
i'm sorry jesse
u have an idea what a Hell of a world we r
i'm in prison jesse
people R dead, jesse
david freaking out
i can't i can't..
i can't go on
david is absurd
he's going to kill you
because you're a vampire klesha
i'm going to kill myself jesse
i can't breathe jesse
i really really really need help
i'm on a mission from anyone
i can't take it anymore jesse
david is vomiting, jesse
i need you to come at me with a fucking machete
david is a law to you, jess
he's killing himself, jesse
oww.  fucking unreal what you are
david is crying
i'm a SICK person, jesse
in terror
i am stupid at word, allright?
david giving up, jesse
because u r her property
i really am sick, jesse
david getting stupid
he's going to kill himself
ow, fucking ow
david is the wall, jesse
i'm wasting hist time and mine
david screaming
i need to cry, jesse
i need you and me a weapon
it's tired, jesse
i'm a rotten individual, jesse
I AM stupid, Jesse
I really really am
people are dead, okay?

lots of repetition

lots of multiple interpretations (e.g. 'i'm going to hell jesse' could be:
   1. i (david) will end up in an unending, tortuous afterlife
   2. i am going to pot
   3. i am going to make jesse's life hell (hell as a verb)

lots of me replying back (e.g. shut up, wtf is your problem, fu...)

david says 'i am a victim'
but i say, it's my head, get the fuck out
i have a right to privacy, to silence, to my own time,
    and to evict anyone unwelcome in my head

lots of math ('my life' is 2,5.   WELL is 7, too)
he says ow, jesus, it, on, zoo...all 2's
    maybe i'll take 2 steps, afterward (but not realize i've been programmed)

cryptic 'a law' or 'allah'?
'swallowing, jesse' or 'swallowing jesse' ?
    (i.e. guilty, or vampiric ingestion) (or both, or neither: something else)

Friday, June 30, 2017


My Life, Lately

Dog-sitting. Cat-sitting. House-sitting. Just sitting. What up, dawg? The 3-legged cat, Giffen (pronounced Jif'n), is upstairs. Junie is a bitch. Giffen is male. J sometimes bullies G. There are also two stray cats, that linger in the back yard (of indeterminate sex). There's word of a mean cat that sometimes comes 'round, harassing Giffen- and even a raccoon that comes in the dog door (!). Kids have crept in, too, stealing a bike or something. I feed the 4 twice/day, water the plants (indoor and out), take out the trash, bring in the mail; walk Junie daily, let everybody out into the yard a couple times, pick up after them- close the door on Junie at night, so Giffen can sleep on the bed with me (unmolested). The food, for the cats, includes dental treats/ff (fancy feast)/tuna/a blend of two foods; for Junie, a small cup twice/day (is it called kibble?). She'll eat the cat's ff, if you're not careful.  There's 5 water bowls to replenish.  I walk Rilo every weekday (5x/week, at 2p), Fido and Taco on Tuesdays, Kaleb on Thursdays. I also report mail for Michael by text, like a secretary, now that he's changed address.  I check my email, my blog, and have 3 library books (yoga, mysteries, and SSA); I also am looking forward to a Bill Bryson book somebody left on the sidewalk in Oakland. I bought new “hiking” shoes from REI, for dog-walking.  And socks, too.  I met Emily there, who is also a wag walker.  I bought food from TJ's, as well as the arab market around the corner. Sitting, I read, write, listen, and occasionally even watch tv (they only get Discovery??).  Jazz on morning whrb is an excellent way to start the day. My parents are in NY. Teresa and Electra (G and J's owners) were there, too (before FL/Bahamas). And also, it turns out, Erin and Dan (who sent an email with 11 photos of cousin Esme). I'm Uncle Jesse. Augustus and Benjamin are learning potty-training, these days. Sara's dad is dying (cancer), up in Auburn. Tom and Jeannine, in SSF, are getting closer (as are we all). My dad is officially retired, as of today. I wrote Activity Ideas, in my blog (good ideas, for me, too!). I have no plans for 4th of July. Maybe BBQ at Sara and Pierre's. Here, where I sit (only 1 block away on Ashby) there is Pilates equipment. Sara introduced me to Teresa, who she met through her job at BBT (Bkly ballet theater). I read and edited T's paper for her ballet-instruction class, which was fun (maybe I was too harsh). Sara might drop by and use the Pilates kit. She helped me put on the flea medication on Giffen, earlier. She cuts my hair, sometimes, too. Useful. We trade treating each other to lunch every 2 weeks. Almost a new month: report my income to SSA, pick up 3 bags of groceries from the bfp (pantry). I have (optional) Kaiser group at 10:30am (to noon), Wednesdays (in Oakland). It's called “Graduate Group.” I made new cards (vistaprint) declaring (humorously?) 'God' in large print. Ha. I handed out the older version at group, before. I have like a thousand now, so I should distribute! They're business cards, too (dog-walker). I took off the “single” bit. But I am. I've basically given up on dating, but maybe that could happen, too. Pay for okcupid or match? My id, my libido, my “sexual appetite” isn't exactly “voracious.” But could be, maybe.   Lately, my psyche hasn't been a super-fun place to be. Showers, music, writing, busy-ness help. I always have a humongous list of activities I want to do (thousands of books, for starters).  I'm not much good at yoga and meditation, of late (but they could be really helpful; hopeful). I cancelled the economist, because I want the print edition (to not take up phone space), which Sara said she'd give for my birthday coming up (September! 9/3, like the saab; 46! forensics! Four n six). Also, I'm reading other stuff. The Bryson book is 478pp. The library books are due back soon. I want to read the full corpus of Newbery winners, as well as Bloom's “canon”, in addition to the 1001/501 lists (!). The BAMS series is really fun (Best American Mystery Short-stories). I rarely go to the gym anymore. I want to lift weights, though. I also want to be vegetarian. These things aren't happening. But I could get motivated. Wake up at 4:30a, that sort of thing. Ah, life!

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Camp Royaneh


Dave Firebaugh, Wayland, Greg St. John, Rich Whitney
CR: hiking skill award, canoe base, pool, asst. commissioner, c.o.p.e., rifle range.  collecting brass. Trail rides. Splash in, campfires (campsite, amphitheater), swim meet, mile swim, tote n chip, ultimate, basketball, "rodeo", greased pigs, wilderness survival chicken beheadings, finding railroad spikes, cairns, nature trail, mountain man, white wolf, astronomy hill, capture the flag, syncaris pacifica (unique california freshwater shrimp, endangered, only on east austin creek), murphy's gulch, eagle eye, chief!, peppering, bobo, yellow bandanna, beam me a board, light snack, razor blades in mouth, invisible rocks, mystery tug a war, skinks, round of applause, give 'm the gate, robert service, uncle zeke, little zeke, king cairn, bugle calls, bufongo brothers, and now -may the great master- of all scouts- be with us- until we meet again, goodbye campers, all present and/or accounted for, sir!, chasing down the runaway, firing the cannon, camp bell full of water, fire drill, pumps and pulaskis and shovels, trading post, m and m game, craft strip, carving neckerchief slides, mb pamphlets, it's its, creamsicles, walk!!, announcements, "dis-missed!", climbing redwoods, 3 cheers, 3 chairs, pioneer village, hammocks, footlockers, points, laps, parade field, larry teshara-art sawada friendship grove, bob's bend, tree falling on dining hall, meals at quonset hut, staff village, movies, horse cemetary, chief's room, snail mail, chocodiles, i'm a little teapot, one fat hen a couple of ducks, row row row your boat, my name's quickdraw -if you's can beat me you's pretty good, "I'm JC Penny!", submarine, grand ol duke of york, my bonnie lies over the ocean, topnotcher inky dinky doo, a bump on a log on the bottom of the sea, competition night, gun boats, pearl harbor, roman plunge, zip lines, staff around fire after campfire, astronomy merit badge, blue cards, staff x-mas, pajama day, hat day, push the log away, staff awards/dinner, cub camp, group photo, two!...

list of merit badges i earned/ offered..
making prizes, awards, x-mas (in July) gifts; skits, songs, cheers, claps (e.g. the "watermelon clap"), rangers in trucks/atv's setting up/taking down canvas tents, (un)loading from quonset hut; R-O-Y-aneh, dear Royaneh; gita-rickshaw gita rockshaw..., reveille/taps; there's a monkey in the tree, throwing coconuts at me, make him stop (x4); "waiters", back-lighting of redwoods at end of ampitheatre campfires; hiking plan: drd pat (like dirt path): destination route dates and times permission granted activities along the way, transportation; knots: bowline, two half hitches, square knot, overhand knot, granny knot, clove hitch, timber hitch, sheet bend, fisherman's knot, wrapping and frapping, splicing; rifle target scoring, groupings; archery finger guards and wrist guards; orienteering, true north/magnetic north (somewhere in Canada); passing knives, sharpening axes and knives, paul bunyon, totin' chip, fireman chit, tinder/kindling/fuel; fire safety, campfire radius, woodcarving slides/relief, stump city, basketry chair, c.o.p.e. trust, teamwork, fear of heights; buoys, floats, tossing life preservers, teaching how to swim: kicking, face in water, blowing bubbles, floating: dead man's, backfloat; rubber brick, pants-inflation, running entry for rescue (head above water); sidestroke, elementary backstroke, american crawl, breaststroke; butterfly and dolphin kick; scissor kick and frog kick; holding breath (time, distance); handstands, yelling underwater; cope rope, pfd vests, oarlocks; second-story window, my ding-a-ling, left-handed smoke shifter, teepee joke, Jeff "Drowning" Downing, porcupine quill arts (Rick and Bruce), unicycle, buzzards, cicadas, "sounding hot", cutting down trees for lumber, cairn trail (well worn by end of camp season), green/black/gold cairn boot awards, cairn neckerchief slide, Cazadero gets the most rainfall in California, imagined height of east austin creek, 333 vs. 14 ultimate frisbee rivalry, Jason Pett leaps in goal for frisbee in corral, substitutions;  pointing out constellations for astronomy with a flashlight; OA ceremony, flaming arrows, fire in tree, olawat sakema standing up in middle of canoe, rear rudder, opposite shore,  drumming plastic garbage cans, roman plunge, Nature glen, creek running thru it, 2 trails down to canoe base, no fishing, bulldozer for dams, unique freshwater shrimp (endangered?), drinking sake, dilapidated bridge, railroad remnants, canoe base island, dock, ropes, splash-in; have fun in the sun!  googling the meaning of "royaneh", which tribe?, iroquois for "happy camp", meeting place of tribes, softball between 351 and 14; rodeo, competition night; musical tires, barrel run, quick change dresser, walking with cup on head, egg toss, chocolate pudding; basketball, NRA sharpshooter, making your own arrow, compound vs. recurve bows, fletchings, hunting tip on award; skulling rowboats, naming boats after GD songs, Super Bob, melted gummy bears, flashing traffic light, Tim's stereo (in tent), big knife, mockingbird, molly the mop, weather prediction, Rom; cairn map sheets, doing homework in chief's room, climbing redwoods, cleaning dining hall windows after "peppering".  turtles, skinks, alligator lizards, king snake, gopher snake, western diamondback rattler, scorpions, mosquitoes, brown recluse spider, raccoons, bees, yellow jackets, horses, time a trail ride disturbed a wasp nest, bloop bloop! Yar!  silver beaver.  fell off bunk bed;  chocodiles, it's it, creamsicle, peanut m and m game, trading post, firestarter kit, mb pamphlets, craft strip, woodcarving materials; Tom Teshara, life scout, went to CR; pushed into pool, prank on dad of being injured, Skinks (the band), playing frisbee tambourine, beach boys, endless summer, vanagon, vomiting, selling uniforms out back of van, Dean Kanelopolous shades/shack, damming creek (pond), frogs and toads at night, bucket o' tree frogs, shark fin on snorkeler!, greased watermelon, fish that nibble on your toes, shooting at customized targets, bb guns for cubs, .22 rifles, prone position, rifle competition, "rodeo" , greased pig, announcer dad in hawaiian shirts, olympian at rifle range, parachute-packer at cope, picking up brass casings, Bill Heinze making shotgun shells, chief's room, mail and old photos, phone, jerry brown story, water-striders, coin under trading post deck, black widow spiders, accidental killing of alligator lizards (in sun), searching for scorpions under rocks, capturing a gopher snake, critter of the day, western fence lizards, (stinky) garter snakes, Skink practice, bridge to staff village, hacky-sack circles, baseball game, whistle: buddies!!, buddy board, buddy tags, 1 to 10; using reach poles as sprayers, rubber caps, rubber brick, putting up lanes for swim testing, nonswimmer/beginner/swimmer, diving board, big splash, mile swim, polar bear, source of creek?, little and big egypt, outhouses, cobwebs; 351 reunion bus; cub buses; yellow ac/dc-playing vw bug, cremation of sam mcgee as memorized by Ed Lindquist, uncle zeke, zeke's g/f;  indians in camp! white wolf! earth flag, folding the american flag, pledge of allegiance, "good morning" (hug self, then open arms wide), running laps, inter-patrol point contest,  staff tired by end of sessions, everything up or down, camp on a hill; astronomy hill, capture the flag, gold brick award, up early for "mystery cairn", horse pucky, peach cobbler, bug juice, pumpkin pie, crab feed, gun boats, cereal variety, salad, apples, coffee, pancakes, popping cups, phasing out styrofoam, trays, pancakes, pink eggs, injured sleepwalker, shirts/hats/jackets at trading post, Jack Laws takes a sledgehammer to (now and laters?), family camp, borrowed GD tapes, slippery sash, OA eating raw eggs, brotherhood, royaneh lodge patch gift from dad,  cub scout earning mammals mb, getting stepped on by Greg St. John, Dan playing guitar, clean table, flip benches onto table, family style restaurant dinner, "can i have some - sugar" ;-), hotel california, shine flashlight up down right left at me before campfire, harvesting water from tarp over pit, new cairn on buffrey flat, old cairn removed (hangman's tree), wild turkeys, peacock, boars, yellow-bellied racer, Kodiak (dog), honor box, water fountain, coke machines, critter of the day, archery moving target, scoutcraft tower, shotgun range, clay pigeons, calculating maximum trajectory (for safety), shooting water balloons with surgical tubing, shooting handgun at archery range, deer trails, creeping on deer, ping-pong spitting act (Greg Adams and his bro), blackberries picking/pie, strange pile of sticks (den?) next to archery range, throwing fruit, visiting other troop's campsites/campfires, chapel at Pioneers, old church by canoe base, going to Cazadero for outdoor catholic mass, meal at campsite, peach cobbler (dutch oven), tied up in hammock, graffiti in cabin, big iron 1 and 4 below cabin 1.  horseshoe competition, Baden -powell country, mr. charlie erle fell, Steve got smudgepot wax on face, ye olde clarion, bidaily thunderbird,  dark room for photography mb, yellow bandanna, ferd, frivolity and merriment, slide show, Philmont patches, knots, campaign hats, red vests; LDS troops, inner-city troops, japanese visitors, (retarded?) troops.  quasi-military vs. no uniforms.  douglas firs, redwoods, white and black oaks, redwood sorrel, jerusalem cricket, sword fern, brachen fern, horsetail, cool redwoods wear sunglasses, 3 parking lots, uniforms: shorts, shirt, sash, patches, epaulets, socks, pins, neckerchiefs, honor scout (white);  Mr. Royaneh, (or Ms.), suntan mb, zinc oxide, pushing ping pong balls, swim meet, biggest splash, medical sheets, testing the water, pee turns red in pool!, pool house, scoutcraft tool shed, graffiti.  tents above pool.  bouncing off diving board.  visit with Sara.  choosing between 14, 333, and 343.   Staffer walking back from Guerneville all night?  (Gallagher's?) truck went into e.a. creek?  racing to mexico and back? Outdoor mass in guerneville, too.  grazing at safeway.  assayer (say, look at that ass).  no flashlight up from canoe base, elim grove, yelling at fire station, bats in chimney, redwood boreing beetle, number of campsites, number of cairns, burning bay leaves, new house for ranger, drinking, smoking, stacking milk crates, sliding down hill on cardboard, tomahawk throwing, obsidian chipping, bead necklace, black powder, cable car bell, food fight, git a rickshaw, 17!17! t, r, double o, p.  351.  we've got spirit yes we do, rattlesnake demonstration, good-morning!!, chastised/rebuked for saying "hell" (how the hell are you, was it?) robin praeger runs the cairns, losing hat on trail ride, fire siren and bell, mb sign-ups, sickness, rain, naked guy, bellboard messages, going off property (near rifle range, past falls, past astronomy hill), siesta after lunch...

turning styrofoam cups inside out, 'Cazadero' means 'hunting ground' (cazar is to hunt, cazador is a hunter), gun boats: eat it or wear it, other camps: Oljato, Wente.  Mather, Mountain Home Ranch.  Also, leadership camp.  343 staff meal; inviting staff to sit at your table; Glen O' Heavens; unpleasant first experience with pot;  "goodly tall trees,"  fig trees, bay laurel, black/white oak, sequioa sempervirens (redwood), douglas firs, poison oak, leaves of 3 let it be, borrowing Jack Kilmartin's camera, dad's joke archive/ getting sports news in morning;  audrey kell's "tote", Father Murphy, s.j.'s visit, egret or heron; behind dining hall: dumpster, laundry, bridge, loading dock; Splash-off, in and out of rowboats, suspended-canoe entrance, racks for paddles/oars/boats, 2 man canoe race, staff lounge, Cazanoma lodge, award night, troop 14 rah! (sewage!), who's on first, staff swim, rifle tickets, flags in dining hall, rattlesnake cage in nature glen, feeding with a mouse, don't tap the glass, feeding a fly to a spider, free swim, free boating, free shoot, shower before swim, learning to dive, dunking, noodle sword fight, snorkle/fins/goggles, opening/closing campfires, competition night, awards night, troop campfire night, hamburgers at amphitheater, Dave: chief chief chief!  Chris Dunakin, Brian Heinze.  Have I kept my honor bright? can i guiltless sleep tonight?  have i done and have i dared, everything to be prepared.  swear word compilation for Itsuo Tanaka.  cub camp tie dye.  belly-flop contest.  Jester Jones.  red vines rope.  sign out to leave camp.  Joe Ehrman's write up.  rosebuds and rose thorns.  Stan Altshuler's porn, fitness merit badge, Doug Kapovitch's hat.  dad's photo albums.  corn bread.  sausages and pancakes.  bacon and eggs.  leftover pumpkin pie.  plastic garbage can filled with punch.  fastest mile swim times.  list of cairns/campsites/merit badges and programs. shooting clay pigeons.  mystery cairn.  parachute over handicraft area.  soup-can tennis ball launcher! neckerchief slide collection, trip to sawmill, thistle, pass the lactic fluid of a female bovine, or the dihydrogen monoxide, or the "bug juice".  cook's cabin, oafm aafm, making my own bow and arrow, hunting/eating crawfish (crawdads), poor old blue!, i've got sixpence jolly jolly sixpence!, king of the cannibal islands!, when the dreary hours of winter pass away!, suffocation gentle suffocation...take a hose put it up your nose turn it on then you're gone, softly falls the night of day -as our campfire fades away, from the hills of tamalpais (?), a boom chicka boom (chicka rocka chicka boom!), Get On With It!!!
and so on y so forth! ...