Unique Visitors


I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Un Poco Crazy

A little loco

I thought I was civilized, but really I'm just an animal. Humans are beasts. Nobody has a soul, and no one ever did! Am I a lion? A chimp? A dolphin? A dog? A shark? A fish? A sole! A star: A sol. Asshole.

I'm not an asshole. I'm not a brain, either. I'm an entire body. Not a dick, not left behind, I won't be right back; I'm not armed and dangerous; I'm not footing the bill, fingering a suspect, elbowing anyone aside, thumbing my nose at anyone; I have the balls to tell you this. No one knows what it's like to be the sad man, behind blue eyes (middle finger). We are the knights who say “knee”! The soles of my feet will not be defeated! I have a Theory Of Everything. I speak in tongue. Maybe you hate my guts. I will end up in a coughin'. I'm telling the tooth. The bare-neck'd tooth. I've got thick skin, and a warm heart, and I nose whatst I gotsta do. Don't get cheeky with me, I can't stomach it, I said with a little aqueous humor, in my funny bone. You down, blood? Gimme some skin. You've got a lot of nerve. All right, let's show some spine! A little fire in the belly. Don't go belly-up. Cock your pisstols! Up an at 'em, bright and ear-ly. Hi-ho, it's off to work eye go. Aye, eye captain! Heel! Said the chris-chin :-)

I've got language (word!), and culture (yogurt in my fridge!), and a cum-pewter (what?!?), so I'm not your run of the mill insect, doing buggery and creeping around, bugging people. Christianity may be insects (in sects), but I'm not. I'm not in sex, either. I'm not in or out, with my penetrating intellect. I'm a human being, a homo sapiens, not a home-owner, or buy- bye- by bible-salesman. Anyway, I weigh 224 lbs (today). All we are is dust in the wind. And we're mostly empty space, practically ghosts, in the flesh. Well, I hope that's not too deep. Live in the moment. Mm, mints, mom!

Are we all just bugs? Tormented by each other or the devil, rolling around in our polluting/dangerous cars, spending money on ourselves at the expense of the basic need of fellow humanity, stockpiling guns and ammunition in preparation for doom, while wasting our lives in front of television sets and commercials for things we don't want, buying meat that hurts, hurts, hurts... Are we a divided society that calls itself United, that allows mothers to kill their own babies, permits our governments to keep peace by aiming nuclear weapons at each other, keeps piling billions upon billions of dollars of profit to such as the Waltons -while basic rights to healthcare and education are out of reach to many, in a world that still erects borders for obsolete distinctions such as nation, religion, and language, and which medicates the insanely sane? We're in an extinction event, and we still think we're the stewards of nature, it's highest expression, as we pave over paradise? Can we be the Gods that we think we are? Can we be good to each other, ourselves, our planet, our fellow animals?

Sure we can. Of course. Why not! Well, I feel good about walking dogs, and writing my blog. I've got friends, and love is not an impossibility. May the forest be with you!

Thursday, November 9, 2017

God Psychology

Genius or Dumb?
Glee or Depression?
God or Devil?

My current perspective on theology is that it's a subset of psychology.
God is the devil, too.
Because God is rewards, and Devil is punishments -
and anybody can deal out both!
(and maybe the same psychic person controls society)

Heaven and Hell are metaphors for happiness and misery, in this life.
Religion is a form of social control.

God, Devil (plus, minus, positive, negative)
God is good, happiness, love, heaven
(and persuasion/hypnosis that it will last forever)
   (i.e. reward, carrot, incentive, pleasure and comfort)


Devil is evil, misery, hate, hell
(and a scare tactic, eternal hellfire)
(i.e. punishment, stick, disincentive, pain and suffering)

The Santa/Satan thing:
(he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake!)

God or Demon
Good or Diabolical/devilish/demonic
Gratitude or Death

the same behavior can be rewarded or punished.
carrots aren't as tasty as steaks.

Generosity or Depravity

Monday, November 6, 2017



I just read the chapter on The Ethics of Eating Animals, pp. 304-333, in Michael Pollan's 'The Omnivore's Dilemma.' I have read flyers from Mercy for Animals, and have been persuaded to try and be vegetarian/ LESS carnivorous, without much success.

I love pastor tacos, medium rare steaks, lamb, and chicken salads, for example. I have been treating myself to 2 pastor tacos every Tuesday for quite a while, from Los Pericos mexican restaurant in San Leandro, and always look forward to it. My favorite meal as a kid was skirt steak, coated in flour, and wonderfully greasy. Nuggets and quarter pounders from McDonald's have always been satisfying.

But I'm trying to be good, God! in fact, and therefore want to set an example, and live morally. This makes life interesting, for me. First of all, I don't believe in souls or heaven or human supremacy, made in the image of God. Everyone is destined to die, and we'll probably all be extinct in the (long-long) long-term. Behavioral standards are basically rendered moot, from this perspective, in my opinion. Nothing matters. Everybody is God, and anybody is allowed to do anything. It's all good. There is no sin. That's why anything can be forgiven. A centipede is also made in the image of God.

(some) Animals are delicious. Most of them wouldn't be alive in the first place, if we didn't breed them for consumption. Humans are just another type of animal. We're basically no different than flies, krill, cockroaches, you name it. I kill pests in my room all the time, and there is a spiritual dimension to it. I kill ants, spiders, beetles, flies. I killed snails, bees, and a butterfly when I was a kid. I accidentally killed a pet cockatiel bird. I know that I am a killer. I've loved meat all my life, and am aware of all the murderous implications. I love violence in movies, find it cathartic. I have accepted my identity, as a murderer, a sinner, evil, even -at times- a demon. I am intimately familiar with the banality and ubiquity of evil. My name has satan in it. A (former) friend of mine called me a vampire. I have struggled with insanity, and wondered if I have ever, in fact, NOT been possessed. I take medications for schizophrenia. I hear voices. I also experience reality as a construct, my thoughts and behavior seemingly always being monitored, by God-only-knows who or what. Maybe David. I do not want to be a hypocrite, or try to be morally holier-than-thou. But I do still think my philosophical aptitude and critical-thinking ability exceeds the ability/value of most, and in any case I like to write, so I will share my thoughts. At least I think they're my thoughts. I am a vessel, like everyone else, and experience consciousness as my own, despite the interpenetration of mind I have become familiar with and inured to. Everybody is schizo, because prayer is telepathy is a voice, and dreams and thoughts are shared in our hive/corporate minds, no?

Here is a law I think holds for all:
If it is okay for me to kill others, then it is okay for others to kill me. That is the karma and reality of such an attitude, perspective, stance. And because I want to live, I must forego any superiority or right or desire to be Death, and -I have just concluded- must also Cease and Desist from Eating Meat. Hitler was a vegetarian. So is Charles Manson. So there is no great moral status that comes from this, necessarily. The Jains are said to sweep the ground, so as not to kill insects. People bug me at times just as much as cockroaches, if not more. But the imperative still stands. I don't want to be eaten. I have always been pro-life (I was adopted), and I am now of the persuasion that this must extend to animals, because that is all we humans are, and I do not think we should eat each other, eat our children, kill each other, fight each other, fight wars, or abort, or allow the state to kill criminals, or euthanize disabled, or kill our children if they are homosexual, or marry outside their caste, or any other reason. I am a pacifist. War should not be possible. Nor nuclear detonations, or thermobaric bombs, or even homicides, by fist or gun or bomb or bat or blade. Dogs and cats deserve no more or less status than people, or pigeons. People should not starve while dogs eat, just as whales should not starve to save the krill. Nature is a bloody mess, and humans are just tubes, like worms, from mouth to anus, that happen to be bipedal apes with big brains, voiceboxes, opposable thumbs, and a culture that is truly magical. We must tolerate and try to celebrate one another. We must forgive with the same ardor that we seek for being forgiven. We must take the long, hard road out of hell. Paradise is a bit further. Let's help each other get there. The worms will eventually eat us all, of course. So let's make earth a better place while we're alive, and not defer heaven to some hoped-for but entirely ridiculous “afterlife.” That is my philosophy.

Everyone has killed bugs, so no one is any better than me. I may be God, but nobody is any worse than me, either. I am not a cannibal, but I do occasionally eat Jesus, if not drink his blood. Oblivion is the universal justice. Virtue is virtual (like immortality).   I was a killer.  But I don't want to say I am, any longer.  Animal-cruelty is a sin, and I want to put it behind me, and be Good.   I think you should, too. 

God is a killer.  I AM.  We all are.  Meat is delicious.  I said there is no sin...  Well, whatever. 
Still, we should do the right thing, even if karma isn't real.

Good Morning, America!

this morning's thought

Good morning. Buenos dias. Up at 4:30a. My cell phone has an alarm of jungle birds. I also sometimes set my kitchen timer and my digital alarm clock (1,2,3!). I slept to past 11a yesterday. Well I'm up today. We “fell back” yesterday. It's Monday, November 6, 2017. I'm listening to wprb on my headphones, from the computer. Don't know what I'd do without this thing. I don't get tv. Actually, I'd probably just read. I've been hit with what “I am Ninja” on youtube calls a “curiosity-spell.” I really do have curiosity about everything. So I'll never be bored. I even like sitting, breathing, doing nothing, unless you want to call it meditation. So it's all good.

Except dying. That's gonna suck. I want to live. I want to read the entire internet, the entire library: listen to all the music, watch all the tv/movies/youtube videos... you get the picture. That's why curiosity-spells are devastating. Who invented cheese? How do you say 'pink' in Nahuatl? Does time exist? And so on. As The Cowboy Junkies sang, “will you ever finally reach a point of knowing?” No. I'll never be omniscient. Even if I read all of Britannica, I still won't even be close. To know, biblically, is to have sex with. So to know everything would put the bi in bible. And I don't even have sex with myself. I don't know myself. Maybe I do already know everything! (in some sense).

I have google, and wikipedia, and they know (almost) everything! So I have a kind of access to omniscience, which is probably better than the real thing, I imagine. But I could be wrong. Being God might be awesome. Only God is good, the bible says. So not being God is bad. I better build a way to live forever, so I can keep reading! I've got a ways to go, you could say. My imagination and perception aren't very high-powered... Life is but a dream. Row, roe, rho your boat.

Can a supercomputer model my thought and behavior? if it has my gene sequence/dna? Could I survive as a ghost in the machine? Is the world a giant computer? The universe? Did Jesus know everything? I don't think so!! Am I already in the matrix? Is immortality possible? Desirable? Is existence always better than non-existence? Can suffering be eliminated? What is love. Does anybody know anybody, anyway? Why did the chicken cross the road?

CIPA is no pain. But it would only be desirable if you were indestructible. Maybe God is a diamond. Or lonsdaleite... Ha! I am a rock. I am an island. But I wouldn't know it, because brains are mushy! Blockhead! CIPA or H? (congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis, or heroin)? 3rd rock from the sun, aka earth. Teshara= as earth :-). Bones! (Leonard McCoy). Teshara= A Star eh?, too. Brains are the instrument with which we feel pain, but -strangely enough- doesn't feel pain, itself.

Suffering is different from pain. Suff plus T. The cross was painful. STUFF. Stuff e ring? Would that be a diamond? Lord of the rings. King of pain. KOP was written by Sting post-separation from his wife. Diamond Life, Sade. Suffer I Ng makes me think of serial-kiler Charles Ng, actually (currently on death row at San Quentin). Pa In= pain. God= get out, dad. Did the LOTR use lotrimin? Amen to that. Keepin it real. Stuff, putting the tear in material. Something to chew on. Putting the chew in spiritual! Spear it with your fork. Fork you! Good mourning.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

flight of fancy

Well, well, well said the doctor to the three little pigs. What have we here? Pork, ham, and bacon!
They felt a little sick.

Sick Sick Sick! Cried the mother of the pigs. Her address was 666 Beasty Boulevard. You shall not have my children for lunch! How 'bout breakfast and dinner, the doc retorted, that would be B.A.D.!!

You are what you eat! you know. You are a Pig, and a Beast, and a Meathead! You are as vacuous as a cow! As dirty and gluttonous as swine! You're dead meat!
-Piss off! You ain't shit!

I'll see you in Hell.  When pigs fly! A cold day in hell. Pig-angels, maybe reincarnated as pigeons! Pig-gin is a spirit that'll take you up, and then drop you back down! Hard liquor for a hard landing.

Up, up, and away. Up, up, and quit your books (the reading list at Reed college). Music soothes the savage beast. This peace is a little number I wrote for my baby. Babies, actually. My number one son, and my better half. 3 of us, a trinity. 3 on the tree, like a monkey. Hey hey we're the monkees. We don't put anybody down. Like dogs, or those who are as dumb as bricks, or passengers on the airplane.

Actually, in that last case, I would like to be put down. It's hard to breathe in space. I don't mean to insult Space, but Spacey is a rapist, and it's boring out there, not a lot to do, which isn't a put-down, just a simple statement of fact. So set the old bird down gently, por favor.

And so on and so forth.
So, Four, Esme Tupelo Clegg, etc. etc.

Friday, November 3, 2017

A little fun

Hi. My name is Phuk Yuo. That is my real name. My parents didn't know better. I am Vietnamese. My parents don't speak English. It is pronounced fook yu, but everybody calls me Fuck, here in America. What's in a name? You! Your parents were creative, in two ways: physically, and linguistically. I have nothing more to say. May the force be with you, Phuk! Well, I guess I said something.

Hi. My name is Nat. As Nat, I am in fact Satan. Or Santa, if you want to be clever. We both bring gifts. Satan brings on the pain, and Santa brings toys. The devil knows his psychology, and employs both positive and negative reinforcement, carrots and sticks, incentives and disincentives, rewards and punishments, happiness and misery. Choose wisely, my friend. You can call me...

Hi. I'm Lucille. In Winter, I wear fur. So it's a Lucy fur. Ha! Did you know ermine farms execute their animals anally, with electric prods? That's some shit! You don't want Lucifer all up in your ass. You can rest well knowing that warm people with warm personalities might actually end up in the warmest place of all! Which makes me wonder: if Absolute Zero is the lowest temperature, is there a theoretical maximum temperature, as well? Because Hell, Norway, is actually a kind of nice place (If you don't want to burn in hell, bring sunscreen!). They say the center of the sun is a pretty hot place. But the universe is a large place, and extremes could be extremely extreme way out there, somewhere.

Hi. I'm Stan Cross. I'm a friend of Pat Devlin. I know Devan Cross, too. Cassidy Starfire and Kat Starr and Sonya Solinsky are the three women I want to set up on blind dates with the three of us. A kind of holy trinity, you might say, of couples with weird names. I'll let your imagination run wild with the symbolic possibility. Honestly, though, we might get along swimmingly.

Joy dish soap, harmony snacks, cheer laundry detergent: Do these things make you Happy, I asked one of Cinderella's dwarves, in storyland. Who is the heroine of that story? I hear she's blissful, on her horse. H is for hospital, and it's also the shape of the high school I went to, which isn't all that elevated from sea-level, to be honest. Father Horsefall used to teach there. Luvs diapers and Perfection spray starch complete the picture! Have a nice trip, see you next fall!

Window panes and propane in Hell, Norway? Why not. It's all good, they say. Maybe Josie Fries lives there.

All the names are real! (I may have miss-spelled Horsfall)

God's Prayer

God is happiness hypnosis

yoga and reading and writing and working and keeping a budget and lifting weights and swimming and being frugal and eating less meat/sugar/alcohol and 8 hours sleep and having a routine and being organized and getting your shit together and having friends and sex and exercise and stretching and dating and being curious and getting answers from the library and google and wikipedia and early to bed early to rise and being prepared such as self-defense videos on youtube or training at a dojo as well as stand-up comedy and being optimistic and cheerful and taking the occasional vacation and meditation and medication and being engaged with life and doing nothing, just breathing, make for a good, worthy, valuable, pleasant life of meaning and order and happiness. Live and love and laugh and be loved and make loving-kindness your religion and be good and don't be bad and be god and be part of something bigger than yourself and be healthy, well, sane, strong, fit and alive! Make a difference and make the world a better place and make your mind and body a fun place to be and be a man for others and serve and protect and be a hero and do a good turn daily and vanquish evil and fight the bad guys and never lose hope and love life and seize the day and always look on the bright side of life and be yourself and do daily maintenance, if not improvement, and seek progress, betterment, change, growth, development and be a force for good and aim high and be all you can be and an army of one and the change in the world that you seek and an example and friend and mentor and role model. Be motivated and dedicated and disciplined and humble and virtuous and righteous and moral and ethical and wise and understanding and sincere and honest and open and true and trustworthy and intelligent and helpful and courteous and kind and brave and clean and easy to be around and appreciated and appreciative and fun and funny and whatever you want to be, you only live once, and then you die and after that it's oblivion, kaput, no more so don't be deluded and the moment is now and it's always now and your body is your soul so don't defile your temple and you are what you eat (less what you excrete), plus what you read and do and believe and think and say so be good, better, your best and love all and serve all, and reality and life is just moving things and ideas around -logistics, basically- so get moving and get calm still quiet peaceful tranquil serene so you can get moving again to leave the world a better place than you found it and full of cheer and with all basic needs met and everyone healthy, in a world that is exciting, pleasurable, content, comfortable, safe, secure, with entertainments and leisure, and enlightened, with equanimity and discernment and mindfulness, and a utopian lack of threat with, in its place, a civilized harmonious integrated human society on a shared planet with respect and communication and peace and hope and charity and compassion and empathy and mutual support and loving-kindness and bliss. Amen.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

A Small Reverie

on words and writing and wreality

boo, kill.
Body odor, okay?
B “ook” (you have to have read Terry Pratchett to get this one)

were it
legal writ
president Dubya riting (performing a ritual): skull and bones?

ought whore
Au (gold), Thor (god)

What's in a name? My name is Jesse Lawrence Teshara.
-You can make x anagrams (internet's anagram generator)
-words in words/ deconstruction: Jesus, Law, Share (for example)
also, see (holy/sight), wren (bird), hara (japanese for belly, e.g. hara-kiri)
-initials: JLT (jail time, jolt, jilt)
J is the tenth letter, 10 makes me think of a. listen (list ten), b. satan (say ten)
also, wwjd (what would jesus do)
LT is a sticker on cars, referring to Lake Tahoe
ta, ho! (see you later, alligator) (in a while, crocodile) (dead prostitute)

satan lake cross, jail, audio, and sharing the law of jesus
rise from the depths of meaning and deconstruction:
Jess sums to 8, in the numerology that translates words into numbers
10, 5, 19, 19 = 1, 5, 1, 1 =8 (grok?)
see S.J. (pope, society of jesus)
So that's another proof of my being God!
This shit is real. My cross is my belly. (bellyfat gut, from meds/beer)
the Sara, and TE Sarah: jesus christ, sarah. And my ex, too (Sara).
Lore-ints (historical intelligence), I read history every morning.
Jolt cola is history (!); surname: as heart, hater, earth (sur =south)

Jesse Teshara, Al Gore
I met a Four (metaphor). No, really. Four Nguyen is his actual name.
Antichrist sums to 4. The book of numbers is the 4th book of the bible.
Go Niners. (I grew up in SF)
49er video, in Davis. Highway 49, in Auburn.
Lucky 13 (4+9)
for nein (german for 'no')
for tea? Nein!

God: love, good, reality, happiness psychology, a word, meme, role. The bible says only god is good (and I think I'm good), a man of war (the art of war is deception), omni (-potent, -scient, -present, -benevolent), the source of all goodness, “do you not know that you are not your own?” POSSESSED!!

Doing God's will, in the sense of ceding control (of your "inner throne"), can be scary, if you think of Abraham being willing to sacrifice his own son, and a Godly person being therefore even more willing to kill strangers, with what I call religion's "conscience-override" function.   Thou shalt not kill, but "there is a time to kill" for a man of war, who takes orders from Above.  Yikes!

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Superiority and Egalitarianism

Better but Equal

When I say I'm God, i'm thinking I'm right, if not enlightened, and that I think of myself as both a religious and military "superior" (link), whose ideas should be either accepted or challenged, so that my blog becomes a source of Truth and Wisdom- and your enlightenment, too.  I admit I am attached to my ideas, and think of them as better than the philosophies of everybody else (!).  You have the right to your own ideas, of course, and -if different- can consider this outlook as un-virtuous or proud.

You might have noticed, however, that I think you are "God, too" and equal to me and everyone, (like everybody else).  I am an egalitarian, despite seeing the differences in authority (president), power (david eldridge-the voice in my head), wealth (such as Bill Gates), or martial-arts mastery (e.g. the shao lin monks), etc. (e.g. intelligence, beauty, happiness, rock-climbing ability...)

So I subscribe to both Egalitarianism, and Superiority.  It's a weird mix.

I admit I may be wrong, and keep an open mind to believing Anything Else, in the future.   One of my beliefs is that is doesn't matter what you believe!  (God, if good, would make Heaven a pleasant surprise for good people who didn't believe in an afterlife, for example, and not demand belief as a prerequisite for reward).

The bible says Only God is good. God is love. Love believes all things.
Buddhism says we're all good.  basic goodness.
So we're all God (syncretic belief).
   We all believe all things?  Maybe everything is true, at some level, or at one time or another.
I still think there are Objective truths, and Virtual truths (that seem true, and are operative, even if false, like Santa).   Nobody believes everything!  But maybe anybody can be made to believe anything.

So that's my thinking on this.
I also vacillate between dichotomy of and fluidity between good and evil.
I.e. the stereotypical "good" might be evil, or "evil") (e.g. killing) might be justified, at times.
I suppose this is true for most people.

Monday, October 23, 2017

A Little Depressing

Un Poco Deprimido

I've been a little depressed, lately

I'm practicing Spanish, because I'm going to Mexico in the beginning of December, with 3 friends, for 5 days (Oaxaca).  I studied 4 years high school, and minored in it at Davis, but I have a long way still to go before mastery.  I have a spanish grammar workbook, and 2 visual dictionaries, as well as a book on psychology (in spanish), from the library.  My roommates mostly speak Spanish.  So I'm "immersing."  I'm wondering how far I'll get in one month.  I also want to read La Jornada at the library (around 20 issues).  A bit overwhelming.  It was never my best/favorite subject.  The NY Times had an article that wasn't too encouraging, re: the status of Mexico, and my uncle Jim gave a dire "good luck":  The crime and safety situation there leave a bit to be desired, one could say.  Plus airplanes can be a bit spooky.

I bought Halloween candy, but ate it all.  I do this every year.   I'm a bit antisocial, and will probably not go to my friend's Halloween party.

God created the world in 3761 bc (oct 7), according to jewish tradition (ha/ugh)

My dad thinks Scouting is doomed.

My uncle Jim has cancer.  He's in the hospital, on oxygen, with bacterial/viral infection, plus pneumonia.  Not good.   Sara's dad has cancer, too.

I read the entire 19.5 pound, 2 volume, collected works of Gary Larson (The Far Side). I've been noticing all the real people who look like they stepped out of his cartoons (for example, an obese horned rim-glasses wearing woman). 

A friend of my family, Mike Rankin, just died.

My other uncle, Tom, just died.   My godfather, Dick Zonca, died before that, not too long ago.

A friend of mine is getting electroshock treatment.  It makes her forget stuff.  Her dog Fido was recently "put to sleep."  Her other dog Taco has cancer, and is getting fatter and fatter from her meds. 

Earthquakes, fires, hurricanes, and nuclear threat...

Psych problems (the same: head shocks, chest pains, voice..)

Well, it can't always be Paradise (!)

11/1 update:(two more things)
        Taco is on antibiotics for a liver infection; and
        Sara's mom's husband (Ron)'s son just died, as well.

Friday, October 13, 2017

An Ideal World

it's called The Heavens because there's more than one
(my version)

No war, no police, no nukes, no crime, no hate, no sickness, no death, no aging, no indoor cockroaches, no irritation, no discomfort, no poverty, no madness, no suffering, no pain, no loneliness, no sorrow, no evil.

Love, friendship, joy, freedom, equality, pleasure, treasure, wealth, health, comfort, security, and entertainment. Teleportation? Time travel? Hovercraft? Holodecks? Interstellar travel? Unlimited, free heroin?

No car accidents, no misunderstandings, amity, comity, levity, brevity.

Sushi, thai, burmese, chinese food available always and everywhere.

Everyone healthy, fit, strong, sane. Integrity and authenticity and sincerity and respect. No psychiatric drugs necessary.

No condescension, mind control, stupidity, ignorance, obesity, addiction, repression.

No murder. All life in harmony. Carnivores satisfied with delicious substitutes.

No slavery, sex-slavery, wage-slavery, forced labor, social control, unwilling assent, hierarchy, superiority, inequality, castes, grovelling, kowtowing, dictatorial powers and rule, military orders, resentment, or jail, prison, incarceration, punishment, or any other limits to Absolute Freedom.

No one will live under a social contract ,or rule of law, that they do not agree with.

Submission of any kind is entirely voluntary, and non-binding.

Love is the whole of the law. Hate is just another form of love: Loving something else.

Life is fun, pleasant, satisfying. Variety, challenge, reward, and bliss.

Laughter and companionship, excitement, joy, and non-judgement.
The freedom of leisure to rest, relax, and laze in torpid sloth.
The reaching of human and individual potential.
Safety, security, and utopian lack of threat.
Perfect happiness.

Heaven, the kingdom, utopia, perfection
individually, and collectively.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Vice and Virtue

Good and Evil

Evil, first (the problem)
Good, second (the solution)

unhealth, sick, ill, diseased
boredom, ennui, apathy
tyranny, despotism, authoritarianism
stupidity, ignorance, incuriosity
folly, foolishness, immaturity, carelessness, error
confusion, delusion
bad, mad, sad
crime (illegal, criminal, unlawful) and sin (“palages”)
categories of crime: vice, violence -manslaughter, murder, homicide
categories of sin: pride, avarice, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, sloth
haughty, greedy, salacious, malicious, overeating, jealous, idle
madness, anger, insanity
psychotic, schizophrenic, mentally ill, crazy, loco, nuts
anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury (wharf)
disgust, aversion, resentment
pain and suffering, dukkha and dissatisfaction
      previous post on dukkha: (dukkha link)
victimization, vice, violence, viciousness
worry, anxiety, stress, panic, terror, resignation, defeat
cruelty, torture, barbarity, savagery, brutality
agony, torment; fear, horror
misery, anguish, despair, hopelessness
sad, unhappy, discontented
depression, oppression, obsession, repression
sadism, schadenfreude
corruption, slavery, rape
assault, battery, theft
wickedness, evil, sin, turpitude, depravity
immoral, unethical
inhumane, ruthless
sick and twisted
diabolical, demonic, depraved
death and destruction, wicked and wrong
violence, war, combat, fighting, aggression
inhumanity, inequality
injustice, unfairness
"slay all day", "kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out"
"murder is my business, and business is good",
"make a killing", the mad interpretation of "make a difference"
(difference in the sense of subtraction, minus: less lives)
capiche? money, mad magazine, and progress are great!

God, Love, Truth, Beauty
mentally awake, morally straight
motivated, dedicated
character strengths and virtues (seligman)
virtue, morality, ethics, righteousness, probity
help others at all times, be a man for others
to serve and protect
do best/duty, do a good turn daily, be prepared
(a scout is) loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent
trustworthy (but the art of war is deception)
obedience (my least favorite)
kindness (“is my religion”)
reverent is tricky (for an atheist) (or a friend of the devil)
do my duty to god and country: (complicated by putting humanism over patriotism)
cheerfulness is not appropriate, sometimes

God is good, everywhere
“all good” and “all right”
strong, fit, healthy, sane, well; measurable self-improvement
feeling good, healthy, happy, alive! endorphins, sex, good nutrition
friendship, humor, laughter, play
in love, loving, loved, "loving-kindness"
equanimity, acceptance (vs. resignation, defeat)
optimism, positivity, joy, happiness, cheer, bliss, ecstasy, elation
goodwill, harmony, love, respect, honor, appreciation, gratitude, thanks, praise
kindness, compassion, sympathy, empathy, charity, giving, hope, forgiveness, mercy
sincerity, honesty, openness, trust
justice and fairness, freedom, dignity
civilization: civility, cooperation, communication
satisfaction, contentment, comfort, peace, security
basic needs, healthcare, food, clean water, shelter, clothing, sanitation
income, money, wealth, prosperity, plenty
progress, betterment, development, growth, change, improvement
nature, relaxation, pleasure, leisure
libraries, music, books, tv/movies, restaurants
stimulus, variety, engagement
meditation, discernment, calm peaceful quiet
relaxation, sit, do nothing, breathe, be
to be good it is enough to not be bad, to simply be
“only god is good” plus “basic goodness” = everybody God
2 "spells" from B+B:
(provenance: syncretism of Bible (only God is good, Mark 10:18)
with shambala Buddhism (basic goodness, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, link)
("now everybody's me!" -dead milkmen)
victory, self-mastery

hug, kiss, embrace, massage
sex, love, intimacy, touch
cum, ecstasy, orgasm
passion, excitement
dance and romance
Get On Down!

Friday, October 6, 2017

Hillary Madness


My friend Sara met HRC today, at a book signing of her "What Happened."
I haven't read it, but I have my own ideas.
I want to read it to see if she mentions them.

Hillary Clinton anagrams to "only i can thrill"
Donald Trump anagrams to "ton lard dump"

I also see rump and clit, in there...
don (like a mafia d-, or d- quixote), vs. hill (i.e. capitol  h-)

The Economist, awhile back, said that Trump support correlated closely, regionally, with high rates of diabetes and obesity (I think it was).  People that most need CHANGE (in their own bodies!) voted for Trump, the non-politician.   I call this bio-politics.  And it makes sense.   If you're unhappy, you'll vote for the change candidate (perhaps blaming your unhealth on "the system" or "lousy politicians").

I found it interesting to note that Hillary's signature (on Sara's book) omits the "ton" from Clinton.  These are the letters she shares with dONald Trump, as well as being a possible reference to obesity.

I bought a Cherry Garcia (ben n jerry's) ice cream on voting day, I remember.   Sometimes I wonder if that had an effect on the election!! (crazy?) The pundits said Donald had a 16% chance of winning, the day before.  I really wonder how they came up with that number..  I don't buy ice cream very often.

Well, I hope having The Donald in the white house leads to weight loss and better health!

Jerry Garcia, by the way, said "voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil."
I imagine this idea was in the mix on voting day-
just like ben n jerry's being from VT (bernie's state).

go figure.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

"people are dying"

I've been hearing this phrase in my head for awhile, now

(but it's in the news from the governor of Puerto Rico, after hurricane Maria)

what it means:
8 possibilities (but we all know it's just one)

"people are dying"
1. literally (just dead)
    or, getting closer to death (all of us, right?)
2.figuratively, a. (embarrassment), b. ("little death", aka orgasm)
3. code: (dying = killing) e.g. you are dying me
4. homonym, dye-ing (coloring a fabric)
5. DI-ing (e.g. princess Diana)
6.die-ing (obsolete form of the singular of dice)

i think there's more!
using google-

1.da'i (arabic):
someone who invites another into Islam (missionary, engaging in dawah)
    (i dreamed of a girl saying "hada'a", and there was a website using the word dai)
2.(japanese) table
3.(chinese) band
4.(italian) from
5.(hindi) safety

it makes me think of I, Da.  (adi da, yes?)

And, while we're on the subject of death,
military slogans:
1.aim high
2.be all that you can be
3.get an edge on life
4.army of one
5.army strong

and, on a related note, associations for the word 'pillow' (!)
PLO (palestinian liberation organization)
pill o
pill ow
pill low
(e.g. viagra, painkillers, and prozac ("upper")("and one pill brings you low")

de plo rable, di plo macy, im plo sion!!

To Do, updated

To Do (eat, exercise, sleep; read, watch, listen; write, talk, create; work, play, move stuff around)

apple store: apple ipad (apple id?), change pw, ensure not charged for itunes; mountain mike's,
buy disaster preparedness kit (camping stove/fuel, can food, water purifier, etc.)

Exercise: (home/gym/dog/yoga), meal planning (budget, vegetarian; minimal sugar, alcohol, meat), blocks of time, endorphins- better than sex! (nap, meditate, relax, music, sleep, dream)
     YMCA: swim, lift, bike.  row, elliptical, stairmaster.  free weights, machines, pull-ups/chin-ups.  personal trainer sessions, go when there's something on tv, bring fm radio/headphones, economist, book, phone (multitasking!); HOME exercises: stretch/yoga (2100), shakes, isometric, plank, passes; pushups, bicycle/ crunches; dumbbell triceps, bent row, arnold presses, front raises, lunges, dancing!

Spanish immersion (SI)/mastery; reading, listening, speaking, thinking, writing, translation; (2 visual dictionaries, regular spanish-english dictionary, library cuentos, library grammar book, found 3rd year textbook, roommates/tv, wikipedia/ yahoo/ ted/ youtube/ itunes/ cnn / la opinion)

book/day (esp. newbery award winners (children's books), joke books, short stories/BAMS (best american short mysteries), crime encyclopedia (library reference section), unread @home (mostly fiction, plus comparative religion, literature, psych, history, yoga), Lev Grossman- online "if you liked" recommendations);  lists: (purchase list book(s): 1001 "must read before you die", Bloom's canon, 501 best, "mystery" list, gates notes (bill) book recommendations, vargas, basmaji, award winners, best selling, okcupid faves, librarian picks, research literature from stacks).  anything/ everything interesting, impulse, judged from cover :-)

Magazines: peruse People, Mad, Utne, Men's Fitness, PT, and Nt'l Geo (y revistas en espanol);

Read money books, tony robbins, kaiser hw hb (health wise handbook), chambers/slang dictionaries, atlas, origami, yoga, bb (body building), aletheon (adi da), wb (world book encyclopedia),  Year's Best horror/fantasy, true crime, by prisoners, ALL the self-defense, martial arts books!
proust, shakespeare, pratchett, bryson, lev grossman, noah harari

-weekly economist (print subscription);
-library: ny times (daily), christian science monitor (weekly), foreign affairs (every other month);
-Online: yahoo y cnn (english/spanish), huffington post, berkeleyside, onion, wikipedia, la opinion; weird news, sex in the news (literotica)
-e-mail: wapo daily 202 email, ny times evening news summary
(too much?)

other online reading:
e-mail, other blogs, google, wikipedia, okcupid, ted, phrontistery, cc joke archive, J!

make a friend/day;
dance and romance, dating, sex, and love:
okcupid, match, street/campus (give my card), morning coffee/pastry, kalx ticket winning, class audit, arts and crafts locations, enroll adult school class(es), meetup groups, trips to SF, mensa, ymca exercise partner(s), fellow trivia buffs, Wag! (bring shirt, hip pack, treats, bags, bandannas), start conversations, trader joe's, distribute vegetarian flyers, youtube self-defense, aikido; find training partner(s), go to cal gymnastics meet (they have superpowers!), play with Augie and Ben and Declan and Esme.  Chess?  senior center?

$ possibility:
Post Wag referral cards, advertise as cuddle/exercise partner, nature hike leader, trivia compiler. Bellman. Author: write/publish, update/print blog, SEO/spark, elicit, strengthen, cause, grow readership. Make into book. Research at gtu, cal; from public libraries, shambala buddhist center, and link+. Researcher, librarian. Journalist. Self-defense instructor, personal trainer. Rent-a-friend. Military psychiatrist. Philosopher. Audio-book narrator. Naturalist, botanist, zoologist. 

MSJ (mission san jose, fremont) gardening, paint doors with Julie, big brother, plant trees in oakland, prison lit volunteer, spiritual variety (different services), read books for blind, gtu librarian/relaxation (ook!), research volunteer opportunities/website, listings

Cal library: research topic. (unmatriculated phd?, inexpensive/free diploma opportunity?) Book.  

fold futon mattress, whrb morning jazz, history x3 (wikipedia/ books- Grim Reaper, Today in H),
stretch, 4 vitamins, move indicator-tack, oatmeal/raisins, coffee
bathroom: brush (hair, teeth), floss, piss/shit, deodorant, shave;
gnc (before gym), shower (after), nap (if necessary), mcgee meals mwf nearby
read email and news and spanish and facts and book, laundry (once/week-ish), listen to music and relax, walk dogs, occ. visit SPA (Sara, Pierre, and Augie), write blog, get food/eat, exercise (at gym and/or at home), go to library, clean and straighten/organize, set alarm, pull futon pad onto floor, night meds, evening review, go to bed (etb/etr; 9:30p-4:30a).

daily ny times, wapo 202, delancey book excerpt, poem (poetry foundation), trivia, vocab, nextdoor updates, family correspondence

yahoo news, music/comedy-itunes/youtube/pandora, dancing (use itunes gift cards!),
fb (facebook), wikipedia, google, ted, oyc (yale), onion, wbsm (ben stein), cc joke archive, coursera, lumosity, wolfram alpha, phrontistery, weird universe, J!, pinterest, ipad mini trivia game

(youtube): e.g. geography bee, ask a ninja, bb motivation, cirque, juggling, parkour, music videos, background sound, self-defense, anime/animation/cartoons, cash cab, ridiculousness, dance-off!, marx brothers, laurel and hardy, monty python, stand-up comedy.  pixar, dr. katz

tv (gym, S+P's, bar, Barry's)
(netflix, roku) game of thrones, black mirror, westworld, curb your enthusiasm, (animation): simpsons, ren n stimpy, old cartoons, beavis n butthead, southpark

fandango gift cards, spike n mike's twisted film festival (sf?); (documentaries, nature): imax, piedmont video rentals, library dvd's/cd's, documentary channel (online?), nature videos- e.g. nt'l geo specials, apple tv?

J! (jeopardy question archive, “3 months” to go through them all), trivia cards, fact books (entire library reference section!), teacher's tests archive?; old-time radio, bay area museums (52 in SF alone), nihonmachi street fair, bay to breakers, comedy books/clubs, nature/royaneh, canoeing, white water rafting (oa? outdoor adventures)), great america, visit Pat Zonca (w/ mom, train?), hike up Mt. Davidson (to cross?), wayne n gloria, yoga, bay area tourist travel guide rec's, park n rec publication activities, aquarium, planetarium, exploratorium, lawrence hall of science, ballet, symphony, opera ; boating, fishing, horses, camping, hiking, photography, astronomy, bird watching; library trivia night! Indian rock, sweat lodge. SJ sharks, sf dogfish, 49ers, a's/giant's, soccer, olympics. Go see a movie, eat sushi thai indian chinese burmese vietnamese mexican ethiopian, get crafty, do drugs.  dating! Videogames, solitaire, cribbage.  get a massage.  occasional catholic mass. 

Go Slow. People-watching. Do nothing. Nothing at all. Vegetate. Be one with the universe. Om.

be good. Don't be bad. basic needs: food, shelter, clothing, clean water, sanitation, healthcare.
Respect, love, kindness, joy, security, comfort, peace, happiness, contentment, equanimity.

bring book lists to library list, visit ALL local libraries/swimming pools, take all local bus lines

pimp (people in my past):
John Sims- Melanie?, contact Jose Vargas, radio show? Heuser writings, Al Madrigal hbo special
past: Mary Moran, Holly Johnson, Joe Flaherty, Mike Nathan; reunion (Mike Ferry photo's?); visit Michael Helbush and Barry Wichman, Annette V Riddle, Pat's storage.

Fave comedians:
Stephen Wright, Louis CK, Monty Python, Al Madrigal, Joe Frank
jokes, humor, comedy, satire. Laugh, smile, play, fun. Joy, happiness, frivolity, merriment!

college radio (listen, list ten):
Wprb (princeton) marven rosen, hos (hearts of space), wmbr (mit) reggae;
sunday mornings- philosophy talk, whrb (harvard), kalx (cal) < online, or on the air (fm)
kzsu (stanford), wybcx (yale), kzsc (santa cruz), gdradio.net (grateful dead), kcpr (san luis obispo), kdvs (davis), 11!

Superbetter, book and website, daily maintenance and improvement, getting out of social comfort zone (bars?), make the perfect self-employment opportunity (digital books ,worldwide), AA (!), speed-reading books (class?)

put free meals on calendar, monthly food pantry, scheduled alternating lunches with Sara, 801 cookies

discover and go, comicon, made museum, pinterest, dan clegg, shotgun theater, cirque, magic, sumo, mma, wwe, lawn bowling, horseshoes, national parks, world roller-coasters, skydiving, hang-gliding, rock/mountain climbing/scrambling, fly a kite, make bubbles, origami, light of, pottery, a book, an invention, money, babies.

instagram, melissa and james, train museums, twitter (pe resists), walk lake, haircuts, toys r us, piedmont theater, ice cream, video, and massage. Kaiser (other?) cbt class. Read, enjoy in courtyard.

travel and explore: world, country, california, bay area, berkeley, my neighborhood! Nature tourism.

Berkeley alumni center/employment office resources
Career OneStop (library website link);

also, Britannica, Explora, National Geographic, Mango languages, OED (oxford english dictionary), Legal Information Reference Center, Gale Business eBook Collection.

purchase e-bike,

if well-
tesla, porsche, bmw motorcycle
save money, self-discipline, bfp (berkeley food pantry)
fence windmills

Friday, September 29, 2017

Vogon Poem

Thinking About Thought: a basic outline

   scholarship, thought, ideas, concepts, knowledge

reading, writing, arithmetic
counting, processing, labelling
research, teaching; compiling, sharing
data, information, facts, figures, truth, trivia
notes, memory, review, testing
renaissance man, know-it-all, scholar-athlete, master, doctorate, phd
wisdom, understanding, truth, enlightenment, omniscience
lectures, presentations, speeches, data transfer, communication
curiosity, intelligence, creativity, imagination, wit
discipline, motivation, intensity, commitment, dedication
stimulus, learning, processing, reflection, comprehension
usefulness, practical application, profit, reward
satisfaction, enjoyment, pleasure
challenge, engagement, positivity, speed-reading
sound mind, sound body, sound principles
talking, speaking, conversing, relating, dreaming
love of learning, life-long learning, variety
books, magazines, libraries, internet, museums, zoo
music, movies, plays, dance, sports, arts and crafts
schools, college, university, travel, experience
wise in the ways of the world
being "mental," knowing (biblically), flow-state
science, games, meditation

tattoo, ABO blood type, sticky
Reed, rite, a tick
count dracula, bull
search again, i ching, cum and pie and ling cod, cher
date, in foe, flight formation
axe, figure skating, ruth, trivium/trivet
not einstein, meme maury, view again, 1212
rebirth, It (stephen king), s.a. , jack of all trades, master of nun
    (essay, south america, saudi arabia, south africa)
doctor it,  post hole digger
wiz, overstanding
light up, Omni (magazine)
hannibal lector, president, peaches, brent spiner, trance fur
cum unity k shun
cure, intel gents, cree indian, magi, wit (with)
disrespect, m.o. (modus operandi), tent city, M.I.T., dead cat
ren and stimpy, earning,  professional cess pool, singing, mirror, hen
us, Cal, apple, prophet, (psych) ward
s.a.t., mint, plea
nasa challenger, gauge, paws, peed, ding
noise mine, baud, prince
ta, peak, verse, late, ming vase
lol, rie
ook, reload, libra/aries, inter, zoolander
mew sick, move E (ecstasy), lay's potato chips, ants, port, rat, raft
cool, ledge, universe, Ravel, peer/pier Ents
world wide web
mentos, no wings, flowers
sigh, gay, med (meditteranean, medication)

The End

stick it (2 ya):
ship, thaw, drug enforcement agency, sepsis, Knowles

A good quote I'd like to share on this subject is by Plutarch:
"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled"
Amen, brother!

Friday, September 8, 2017


A few associations

1.Tool: 46 and 2
    I love this song

2.Forensics (four n' six)

3.for sex

4.There are 46 countries in Asia
46 countries in Europe

5.There are 46 books in the (Catholic) OT (old testament)

6.Humans have 46 chromosomes

7.An elephant's heart can weigh up to 46 pounds

8. OK (Oklahoma was the 46th U.S. state)

9.Jesse: J is the tenth letter (4+6), esse is Latin for is/being:
      IS J
from Lansky's baby names:
   Jesse: (hebrew) wealthy
   father of david (yishai)
   Jescey, Jesee, Jesi, Jesie, Jessee, Jessey, Jessi, Jessie, Jessy

I just turned 46 on Sunday (9/3/71)
Got an origami book (for dollar bill), target gift cards, and
    a print subscription to the economist
and 3 dinners (sushi, irish cultural center, parents' home in sf)
  i had linguini with prawns at the icc

Thursday, August 31, 2017


GoD's Soul

Go, Devil
Get Out Dickhead
owned, possessed, a puppet, avolition
mind control, hypnosis, telepathy, the man in your head, mind meld
voices, schizophrenia, demons, conscience, angels, guardian
hears your prayers, thoughts. Hive mind, collective unconscious.
“do you not know that you are not your own?” -bible
God's slave, or devil's demon? Corporate mind. Freedom?
Godco. better than the alternative, selling your soul (what's it worth?)
souls don't exist! Spirited (alcohol?).
Sole of your foot, or shoe. or a fish. Sole (the only, solitary)
sol is spanish for sun (and a mexican beer)
sadism, schadenfreude, satan
hissing, sibilance, snakes
banality of evil (hannah arendt)
universal, total depravity (calvinism)
I like watching Ridiculousness (mtv)
It makes me laugh (there's ugh in laugh)
Am I evil? (-Metallica)
It's all good! What up, dawg? Don't be a hater (street)

Love everything?
A righteous person has a lot to hate
like killing.
Meat, abortion, war, capital punishment
swatting flies, crushing cockroaches
eating yogurt, the daily dietary regimen of whales!
There is a time for all things under heaven
Or lies.
Deception, manipulation, secrets
omission, comission, evasion, mistruth, misdirection
keepin it realz, dawg

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

recent riff

on God, the usual topic, lol

I need to pee. You know, urinate, micturate, orinar. Yellow flow, splashing, bubbles. Yell ow, if it hurts (but it doesn't). Maybe if I had gonorrhea, if I were sexually active, as well as unsafe. But I'm not. In fact, I take care of myself. I walk, I meditate, I go the gym, sometimes I even do yoga. I'm trying to eat less meat, sugar, alcohol. I take daily multivitamins, which turns my pee neon. I do pushups at home, and stretch, and brush my teeth, floss. I aspire to read a new book every day, learn to speed-read, eventually read all the books in the 1001 “books you must read before you die”, as well as the Newbery award-winners, the Bloom canon, and Bill Gates' recommendations. I only read the best. I operate at the highest level. I write the songs that make the whole world sing. You probably think this song is about me. It is. I aspire to be all I can be, to aim high, to be “Superbetter.” I supposedly have schizophrenia, but I have faith that that will be behind me, someday. Mentally ill, to totally well.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I won't be constantly angry. I will be good, in every way. Fit, sane, well, strong, healthy, better, you name it. I will meet my challenge, and rise above. Years of suffering will translate to supreme wellness, equanimity, insight, wisdom, maturity, enlightenment. I will have strong muscles, a “steel-trap” mind, a healthy bank account, and many friends. I will make a difference. I will finish the thousands of books on my reading list, plus some. I push myself to the limit. In short, I will be God. I am already, but I will be more so. Every day, I will be more Godly. Constant improvement, betterment, progress, development, change will yield noticeable results. When I die, I will be missed. I will piss, but not be pissed. I will be in a flow state. I will reign from my porcelain throne. I will have power, energy, electricity flowing from me. I will be in charge.  I drank the electric kool-aid.  Urinate, you're in 8. H is the 8th letter. 8 sideways is the symbol for infinity. Breath is br eat H. God is 3 letters, G(7), O (15), and D (4). Sums to 26. 2 plus 6 is 8. Allah, all a H. God is in the air. The spirit of God moved over the earth.  Hurricanes and tornadoes are Acts of God. When you breathe your last, you expire, and give up the ghost, which is just moving some air around. The butterfly effect could make any puff a hurricane. All of us together, perhaps makes all the difference. Respire, inspire, perspire, expire, aspire, church spire, there's a theme here. A spy's ire. Let's bring sanity to humanity. And save the manatee. And fan a tree, simply be, before being history. That's me.

My name is Jesse, Chuy, Jesus, Isai. I speak spanish. I'm just another monkey, eating and breathing and taking up space, moving things around, and thinking, contributing to the psychesphere, the collective unconscious, what-have-you. My vibes, my thoughts, my blog posts, my ideas, my decisions have their ripple effects, like everybody else's. We're all Gods and Goddesses. We're all part of God, which is reality, for humans, with words, breath, and the need to be part of something larger, something positive, the source of all goodness, and a comforting destiny awaiting us when we die, among other things, like a way to endow our opinions with greater authority, or enshrine love as the highest value and purpose in our meaningless lives. God is happiness psychology. God is a word, hypnosis, a meme, a concept to rally the troops and unify peoples and give something for philosophers and theologians to think and talk about. God is everywhere, always, infinite, everything, eternal, perfect, loving, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent; and, of course, completely fictional. God is a man of war, and war is the art of deception. God IS, isn't he? God is a role, a form. God is Santa, for adults.  God is the collective goodwill of humanity.  God is dog, backwards.  God is lord, life or death, light or dark, love or despair. God is good orderly direction, getting old and dying, the game of death, the good old days, the goal objective and destiny, among other things (good or diabolical?).

God is big, God is small. God is a category 5 hurricane, or an ant's fart. God doesn't care what you think. It's all good. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. Say what? Bloodletting, somewhere, a gun (piece), hater/heart (earth), gin, wit, middle earth. Words are chock full of references.Chaulk.FU. Resume references: God thinks I would be an excellent asset to your company: bright, a team player, disciplined, creative, motivated, and friendly. He's one of the good guys!

Tuesday, August 8, 2017


a bunch of BB bits

Bongo Burger, Boss Burger
Berkeley Bowl, Body Building

BB King, Bill Bryson, Bibi Netanyahu

bb guns, big brother
big bang, bed and breakfast
beach boys, beavis n butt head
base on balls (walk, baseball) 
big butt, big ben
Bill Bradley,  Brigitte Bardot
Burt Bacharach, Bela Bartok

bouncy baby boy
beach blanket babylon
bicycle builder's bible

best buy, brooks brothers

Monday, August 7, 2017

Nukes and NK

America is hypocritical

I believe NO countries should have nuclear weapons.  Because if EVERY country can't have them, then none should.  Mutually Assured Destruction is MAD, and I believe it is in fact truly insane, even if it appears to have worked, so far.   Does it take one to know one?  Well, I am in fact insane.  If any leader has the power to push the button, then all leaders can claim that right.  The current system of nation-states and international law respects national sovereignty, right?  Is it international policy to have might make right?  Is the golden rule, he who has the gold, makes the rules?  Shouldn't we all be equal?

I believe every human being on earth should have the same human rights.   It is evil to make the people suffer for the policies of their government, especially if unelected.  Even if a leader is elected, however, he doesn't represent everybody, or even necessarily a majority.   How can America demand denuclearization without offering to disarm itself?  The cover of the Economist says "it could happen."  If the "unthinkable" is possible, it's time to re-think our defense policy.   I suspect Trump is at least as crazy as Kim Jong-Un, and the world does not need two leaders comparing the sizes of their...missiles.  

We must all agree to serve humanity, not just our own countries, and make progress toward the reduction of suffering, and increase the peace, love, happiness, morality, and progress of all of us.  We are all just human beings on Earth.   I am a humanist before I am an American, and I consider North Koreans as much my brothers and sisters, as those in America.   And even if there are 1,826 billionaires in the world (with 7 trillion dollars between them*), as well as more than 3 billion people living on less than $2.50/day*, we are still all equal in the eyes of God.

There's a lot to be mad about, but killing is not the answer, and especially not nukes.  

*according to Forbes 2015
*more than 1.3 billion live in "extreme" poverty, less than $1.25/day
(according to UNICEF, 22 thousand children die each day, due to poverty)

Let's get real, folks.  God is all of us.  Every single one of us, the devil inside.  Do the right thing.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

6 sayings

on Suffering

1.if you're going through hell, keep going
2.no pain, no gain
3.what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger
4.nightmares are therapeutic (still alive!)
5.(christian) "redemptive value of suffering"
6.cruel to be kind (in the right measure)


a commonality to many names of God

God, gawd
om, aum

(reminds me of a soda commercial;
evokes refreshment: Ah!)

realization: aha!

2.Brahma, Brahman
    (hindu god of creation; ultimate reality)
3.Jehovah, Yahweh, Jah (derived from YHWH)
4.Krishna, Bhagavan, Ishvara, Shiva
7.Waheguru (sikh)
8.Ahura Mazda (zoroastrian)

for fun! (godly people)
people names:
Adolf Hitler
Anne Heche, Anne Hathaway
Anthony Hopkins, Alfred Hitchcock
Alexander Hamilton, Ally Hamilton

authentic happiness!

God's Name and Number

from Wolfram Alpha, google, and wikipedia

Yahweh (common vocalization of the 'tetragrammaton',
              God's personal name in the Christian tradition.)
 other names include:
Allah (Islam)
Brahman, Bhagavan, Ishvara, and Paramatma (Hinduism)

2.'God's number' is 20
(number of turns to solve a rubik's cube from any random starting position)

3.How many Gods and Goddesses are in Hinduism?
all deities are viewed as manifestations/emanations (m.e. !) of the one (genderless) principle, Brahman.  (representing the many facets of Ultimate Reality) (u.r. : you are!).

wikipedia list of Hindu deities, link
       (Ishvara and Tara are close to Teshara!)
       (3 main ones are Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva;
         creator, sustainer, destroyer, respectively)
        (330 million people in India were affected by the 2016 drought)
         (The 2017 US population is close (!), estimated to be 324,700,00)
        Hinduism is the world's largest religion, with over 1 billion
        Hinduism, wikipedia link
        Tara means "One who protects"
                            (or "mother of liberation" in Buddhism)

from wikipedia:
the word 'tara' also means star. As the star is seen as a beautiful but perpetually self-combusting thing, energizing all of life, so Tara is perceived at the "mother of all buddhas" - the unified field of energy from which all form arises.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

The Universe

in a nutshell

Some basic research (via google/wikipedia):

How many stars are in the known universe? (estimated)
more than 100B galaxies (10 trillion? -kornreich). The mw (milky way) has around 300B stars (but is not representative).
10 trillion x 300 billion?
"3x10 to the 23rd", according to research by Pieter G van dokkum and Charlie Conroy, published in 2010 (from wolfram alpha)

how many stars are in the Unknown universe?? (zero, much much more?)
“god only knows” (no one knows)
does universe=reality?
Multiverse of consciousnesses
(the human brain has more possible connections than the number of atoms in universe)

How far apart are stars, on average
in the Milky Way (our galaxy), stars are an average of about 5 light years apart (which is about 30 trillion miles).
Ted says the “average spot in space” is completely dark

speed of light: 186,282 miles/second
a light year (a distance) is x miles: about 5.88 trillion miles

how big is the known universe?
Infinite, of course
or, unknown (no center, no edge, no limit!)
but our furthest seeing telescopes (hubble “deep-field”), can fathom out to (10-15Blya) ”so far”
age, since BB (big bang): 13.799+or- 0.021B ya (according to one model)
also, (+8): bodybuilding, bill bryson, gun pellet, big brother, and brigitte bardot, bella bartok; bed and breakfast, base on balls (walk).

how old is the universe?
Scientists, until recently (?), estimated the big bang was 12-14B years ago,
(solar system 4.5B years old) (humans “genus” few million years)
modern humans, from skeletons found in africa, started (date to) 200,000 years ago.
(100,000 ya, SWA (southwest asia) (60-40,000 ya elsewhere in the OW (old world)

why is it called the Old World?
Africa, asia, europe...before oceania and americas discovered (by europeans)

fabric of spacetime
is our way of conceptualizing the relationships between objects in universe.
Atoms, planets, stars, galaxies, universes!
but i still think there is infinite time, and infinite space!

big is small, and small is big, if you like
space, the final frontier (time-travel?)
infinite possibility

funny thought:
the universe expanding could actually be everything shrinking!
(like the sun going around the earth,
or the earth moving around a (stationary) me!)
(we are all the centers of our universes) vanity of vanities!

Tuesday, August 1, 2017


the dark side

nighttime, as the world turns
   (day on the other half, just like summer and winter separate the north-south halves)
knight and DE
the dark side of the moon

the darker side, whrb
star wars, let the hate flow through you
    emperor, darth vader, sith
batman, the dark knight
deep (ocean, earth), interior (of mind, body)
    honda means deep in spanish (laguna honda is deep lake)

evil, demons, vampires, monsters, criminals, thugs
death, vision going black, the black death
violence, mourning, secrets, magic, elegance
space, inky blackness
   black hole
night conceals, keeps from view, hides
cold, cold-hearted, icy stare
black ops

dark skin
black vs. white, chess, spy vs. spy, Go
negro means black in spanish (Niger, Nigeria)
   everyone is black (inside), has black in their eyes
   everyone has white bones, has white in their eyes
blackligh, blackground, blaxploitation, blackula

blackguard, blackbeard, the black war
black panthers, the black hawk war, black september
black power, black lives matter, black twitter
back in black (ac/dc), black dog (led zeppelin),
black sabbath, black metal, black ice (ac/dc), black rain (ozzy)
The Black Album (Prince, Beatles, Jay-Z)
blackalicious, blaque, black-eyed peas
blackdamp, Black Dahlia
blackberry, Black Forest, black hills, black sea, black oak
blackbird, black bear, black adder, black kite, black mamba, black widow, black rhino
black pepper, olives, tea; coal, sable, ebony, Anubis
black friday, in the black, blackjack, black market

Monday, July 31, 2017


some thoughts

(word itself evokes: in, light, mind)
en is in in spanish
light is a particle and a wave, from fire/electric lights/sun (plasma), photons
            during the day (perceived with eyes), at night (dreams in mind)
            or daydreams, visions, imagination  ("second-sight")
                  (from morpheus, god of dreams/God) (or self-generated)
            -aside: some of the blind (those who had vision, and lost it) still dream and see things
            -(telepathy, from a "source")(or from one's own mind),
                   (or interaction between both)
            Lucifer, besides meaning Satan,  means
                  light-bringing, morning star, Venus (when it rises in the morning)
                  hell is a place of fire (fire is a kind of light); fireplace (santa/satan)
            stars in sky, "stars" (Hollywood, for example), luminaries
            bright, intelligent vs. "dim-witted"
            light, not heavy (jesus: "my burden is light")("is the way, the truth, the light")
            thought, thinking, realization (synapses "light up" when stimulated)
            light-sabers, tracer fire, flaming arrows, flame-throwers, bomb explosions, gunfire
            light-hearted, levity, cheerful, happy.  humor.
                 the unbearable lightness of being
            childbirth is a process of coming out into the light
            birds "alight" on branches; lighthouses to guide ships; light snack
            illuminati, "lamp" (naughty, amped, los angeles, military police)
            e=mc2 (matter is energy (some of which is) is (visible) light)

Buddhist enlightenment is extinguishing the flame or fire/blown-out, however (dark?)
    to extinguish the causes of affliction, suffering
              mental/physical illness
             (sid vicious: sickness, illness, disease) (dukkha: suffering, discontent, dissatisfaction)
                   (pastmad: pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish, despair)
                    (experiencing the unwanted, not experiencing the wanted)
                      (attachment, craving, aversion)
                           (greed, lust for money, sex, for example)
                           (anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury)
                           (attachment to life/living, aversion to dying/death)

 to cultivate equanimity, realization, discernment; extinguish ignorance, delusion
     lasting happiness from self-knowledge, attaining truth/wisdom
       (insight, comprehension, understanding) (awake)
      meditation: resulting in a calm, tranquil, peaceful, still, and quiet mental state
      4 truths: impermanence, no-self, emptiness, suffering

Enlighten-mints, yum (lol)
some tasty truth
the buddhist vacuum cleaner has no attachments
the buddhist monk says to the hotdog vendor: make me one with everything
alive, awake, aware

i don't believe in souls, rebirth, reincarnation, samsara (i know a Sam and Sara, though!), or sin.
Souls are bodies and brains and minds, life is cyclical in days, weeks, months, years, etc but not lifetimes,  a "past life" is just a different chapter in your life's book, so to speak.   Sin could be thought of as 'satan in', but everybody is their own god with their own law and situational ethics, so my sin might not be yours.  No sin, but definitely law and crime, so hell is incarceration (jail or prison) or other lack of freedom (slavery, or the matrix (?) limiting what you can think, say, or do).

Friday, July 28, 2017


Daily Writing
“writing-meditation”, like sitting, or walking, or whatever.
towards an entity of quantity of quality creativity
does that make sense? An itty-bitty amount? Scents? Sensei (teacher, (master?), japanese)
authorial, editorial, compositional productivity. Intelligent, fresh, inspired, creative, fun to read/write!

A system, an attempt at the mastery of reality, a TOE (theory of everything), a personal perspective.
MY reality, which upon being read, becomes the virtual reality of the reader.
“Processing books i've read, life-experiences, conversations, past thoughts/writings, meditations, reveries, ruminations.”

(processing words themselves, words in words, what's in a name:
Boo!, ook, ivy, blood, shakespeare/shake spear, peers, convicts (cons), verse/poetry/bible, passed, p.a.s.t. (pain, agony, suffering, torment), thaw, oughts, meds, te (spanish for tea), shins, engines/injuns, ries (laughs, in spanish), rumi, room, rumen (cow), nations). You could go further than this kind of deconstruction with anagrams, initialisms, synonyms/antonyms, connotations/denotations (“because you know sometimes words have two meanings”), translations, rhymes, homonyms, quotes, and jokes!)

really, just as there are 26 letters that make up 171,476 (current) words in the english language (OED, 20 volume second edition), there is a non-infinite variety of possible (meaningful) sentences using those words. That would be quite a long book. How many books exist, you ask? Google, in 2010, came up with the answer of nearly 130 million (published in modern history). So this is just a drop in the ocean, like tears in rain.

Libraries are social places, despite the quietness of minimal conversation.. because every book is the author screaming out to be read, for mindshare, for self-aggrandizement, for influence, for immortality, if not the money/income from having their work published and purchased. But, we all know, or should anyway, nothing lasts forever. Not even diamonds. They will decay over the kalpas of time, like every star, every planet, every living thing. So a book is as futile as breathing. But it's something to pass the time, and can be fun, while it lasts.

Life is short, and you only live once, so you should make your life fun, interesting, worthwhile, and meaningful. You are the captain of your ship, and can choose to change direction at any time. You can write up a bucket list, a lifelong to-do list, which will give your life order, a kind of fate, for your (what, 120 years, max?). You could be Jesus, you could be Hitler, you could be nobody, you could be everybody, or you could just be “yourself” (which you define for yourself, and can change at any time).

You could even be God. That's if you want to be good, but don't want to be Jesus. And nobody in their right mind wants to be Jesus. Seriously, it's not worth it to prove your universal love by submitting to torture and execution! But God is love, and if you love everybody, then the right nails the left and the left nails the right, in the politics of a stupid, divided, politically bifurcated society, such as the supposedly “united” states of america. Well, I don't love everybody, then. I'd rather do the nailing than be the nailed. Honestly, I'm not sure I love anybody. Well, I love myself, of course. But does anyone share my perspective, which is a mix of both “left” and “right” positions? I don't think leftism is a consistent philosophy, nor do I think the Right is all right. If no one agrees with me, then I guess I want to nail anyone! I support a consistent life ethic. I am pro-life, being adopted and grateful for not having been aborted. So I would nail the abortionists. Mothers who kill their babies are nailing themselves, really. They shouldn't feel proud of not choosing to give their children up for adoption. I am also pro-life in the sense of being vegetarian, not contributing to the suffering and death of animals, and being an environmentalist, who doesn't appreciate unnecessary hunting for sport, or the exploitation of natural resources to satisfy the greed of selfish, destructive, uncaring capitalists, for whom the meaning of life is simply making money, with life as a game, where the richest man wins. So I would nail those who pollute, those who kill, and those who make a killing. Actually, this makes me pro-war, doesn't it? Those who want to kill can go kill other people that want to kill, and wipe themselves and their ilk from the planet. God is a man of war. That's actually from the bible. Nature is beautiful, even if red in tooth and claw. I can definitely see how life is hellish, and why anybody would want to make billions (of dollars), the billions of poor be damned. But I also see how easy it would be to ensure all of humanity lives comfortably, in peace, with basic needs met, and access to enjoyable activities like restaurants, gyms, sports, libraries, internet, and museums. If I were a soldier, that would be the only thing worth fighting for. Not dying for, though. You only live once, and you should be selfish enough to make yourself the priority, in a world of shit. 

    You should elevate yourself to God, and be responsible for your own happiness, instead of submitting to a non-existent entity, or an organized religion, or even a cult with others who will gladly tell you what they think "God" wants from you. Every religion starts as a cult. Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus... they were all crazy. But life is crazy. It's hard not to be. Sanity is difficult. But I think most of us would agree that sanity is a good thing. If “only God is good”, then you have to make yourself God to be sane!! This fact takes a little getting used to. It's a mix of Buddhism, that says all humans are Basically Good- and the bible, that says Only God is good. It (I am God) is rational, intelligent, wise, sane, and makes life interesting and meaningful. I imagine that you have to evolve and emerge from insanity toward the eventual enlightenment of seeing oneself as divine, after coming to the realization that You are your own you-niverse, the God of your own consciousness, the captain of your own ship, responsible for your own heaven or hell. If you are not God, then No One is. There is nothing to submit to. Religion is a lot of blather, memes, sermons, writings, and rituals that don't amount to anything, unless you become the God that everybody else is supposedly worshipping. That is why Catholics celebrate Eucharist. You are what you eat, and if you eat God, then you become him. God matter, after going to “Mass.” Making the spiritual real, the virtual into the physical, word made flesh. Go out to love and serve the lord. Jesus is dead. So the lord is you. You've just been hypnotized to think that you've eaten the body and blood of Christ, which is kinda gross if you think about it. But it's called communion. That's subliminal for cum-union, or sex, which is the whole point and purpose of being alive and in love, being fruitful and multiplying and having children and raising a family. If you're looking for the meaning of life, well we're all basically programmed by evolution to survive and reproduce, and no religion will get very far without celebrating human sexuality. Lord is life or death, and sex is living, orgasm is called the “little death,” and death is D eating H. Smile (emoticon) eating God (8). Or something like that (hated). Devil eats God, God eats devil. That makes a kind of sense. Words are weird. But it's a world. I like animals, and empty, wordless realization. Concepts and thinking don't always require words. Images, numbers, words, and curiosity make a thoughtful mind. 

So the right crucifies the left, and the left crucifies the right. And if you're both, you're screwed, too, and maybe end up like Jesus, nailed for loving everyone. Open-minded, expansive, accepting thinking got him nowhere but hell. Did he say don't let the left hand know what the right is doing? Or vice versa? I have to look that up, to see what side Jesus might have been on... I assume right was righteous and left luciferian. But left is loving, and right so very wrong! I don't think I care, honestly. I'm not Jesus, I'm God. Screw Jesus. I'm not even Jewish. And I can choose to simply be Jesse, and not be God, as life goes. People have a lot of baggage around the word and concept of God. I just want people to realize that they are their own “source of goodness.” God is just happiness psychology hypnosis, as I see it. We're all God, especially if we help each other get there. Praise Jesse! Praise God! Praise the Lord! Praise Bill! Praise the goddess! lol