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I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Friday, March 16, 2018

In Love

A World Without Evil is Possible!

You could, of course, take away laws and police and jails and prisons, but evil would be gone in name only. You could take away everyone's weapons, but it would be easy to make more. You could scare people straight with fear of God, or rather fear of his agent the devil, who is the reason people fear hell. God doesn't want there to be a hell, or anyone to suffer there, or for the devil to have anyone to punish. But freedom is God's gift, so villainy remains a possibility, and therefore hell is necessary. Nothing lasts forever, but a thousand years of hell sure would seem like it. Humans only live a hundred years, give or take, but the promise of thousands (or millions) of years of bliss in a heavenly afterlife is a powerful incentive. If this were made clear, no one would ever cross God again. If the pain of hell were made evident, and the bliss of heaven made known, everyone would be perfect angels.

But only if the mind of God were known, his rules clear, and the law of what resulted in heavenly reward or hellish punishment perfectly understood, by all of humanity, in all cultures, and in all languages, for all time. But instead we have lawyers. We have politicians, in parties. Happy criminals, and miserable kindly folk. We have a mess. We have mortality, and little to no belief in an immortal soul, and heroin bliss and soldier hell, as well as thousands of gods, and even more devils.

What to do? Keep people separated into their own private, exclusionary utopias. A heaven of every flavor, something for everyone. People are different, and enjoy different things. But I am God, and this is what I want: no hell. Truly, heaven is simply not being in hell. If you've ever been there, you know what I mean. It doesn't have to mean heroin and sex on a tropical island. Masochists have their own little world of happy pain. But the rest of us are happy with friends and endorphins and restaurants and movies and music and hiking and camping and sex and comedy and tv and internet and magic and sports. Plays and museums and leisurely strolls through parks and people-watching and naps and libraries full of endless worlds of creativity and imagination.

Maximized happiness would entail no threats (security), universal healthcare (including free gyms), a social safety net guaranteeing a certain level of comfort (no homeless), and of course literacy, to enjoy the entire oeuvre of current and historical escapist delights. Nature and horseback riding, staying warm and dry in the rain, or sunbathing, or splashing around in a pool, or relaxing in a hot tub, or poetry readings, or listening to Joe Frank, or learning/teaching, or making crafts, or getting a massage, or going sailing, or maybe even besting an enemy in combat. Look good, feel good. Early to bed and early to rise. In love. Love is really everything, the last word: loving, loved, in love. Heaven and hell, in binary, comes down to the difference between Torture vs. Love-Bliss. Have a nice day, and a pleasant tomorrow, and may all your christmases be white! No evil=love! 

(in love=no evil, same letters :-)

Wednesday, March 14, 2018


vs. stay in Berkeley

I'm contemplating a move; not an easy decision.


So, I have many possible futures. I am faced with a choice between two places to live: Berkeley or Portland, OR. I imagine there is a seemingly infinite number of other places I could go, as well. In any case, I'm content where I am, and feel no need or compunction to change anything (yet). But it could be fun; it might even be better! There are SO many factors to consider, in what could be a simple flip of the coin!! But, to do this intelligently, I'll make a list, and check it twice, and use my brain instead of trusting my future to God or Chance.

Weather, family, libraries, rent/wifi/utilities, gym, kp, wag!, food, gtu, kalx, social/dating, SPA, sanity

that's about it, in a nutshell.
Novelty, variety, challenge, change, mixing it up, curiosity, and budget/comfort are important.
Love? Should I pray on it? Ask God and my guardian angel and the powers that be for guidance?
Maybe I should trust that I'll be totally fine, anywhere?

What am I trying to leave behind? Insanity;
annoying, stupid, mean, ugly, rude, ignorant, unhealthy, fat, criminal, deluded, incompetent people
What am I looking for, in a new situation?
Sanity, love, friends, kindness, joy, health, laughter, security, safety, and fun!

I want to learn, master, teach MASD (martial arts, self defense)
I want to read a book/day
I want to lose my gut, gain muscle and flexibility
I want sanity and wealth and comfort and new friends and bliss

I can do all this now, anywhere

I want unlimited data
I want sex
I want longevity and book list completion
I want to travel
I want to be published
I want peace
I want to be free from want, enlightened, with equanimity-
without ignorance/delusion/greed/suffering/attachments/craving/aversion
I want to set an example
I want to make the world a better place
I want to live, that is to say, live!
I want to be creative

live until you die is the only way to stay sane
doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity

stay? (leave: it's all good?) taco, rover, junie, kaleb, poutine. Mountain mike's.
I don't want to leave Marlen, Julie and Sam (n Miette), Teresa, or $740.00 rent, in Bkly!
Wag, free food, gtu, kalx, campus library, local public libraries, gym, kp, ike's, family

I made this list of Berkeley attributes/virtues, to compare/contrast Potland to-

-libraries (Cal, GTU, bpl, link+)
  albany, oakland, sfpl.  (Bkly has 4 branches, 1 central, and 1 tool library) 
  I could use the Cal library as a non-student if I have a research project...
-friends (roommates, dog owners), and family
-bkly free clinic (dental), MHA (mental health advocates, nearby)
-religious variety (shambala, cs, unitarian, holy hill, glide) 

Portland has Kaiser, and Wag!, and libraries, and restaurants, and religious variety, and parks (520 I'm told!), and wetter weather (not a problem for me), and museums, and gyms.. (and Reed)
In fact, I'm told it has "everything but family for $400/mo rent" -Sara
    i've never been there (yet)
if i don't go, Sara and Pierre will rent out the "in-law" unit, air bnb

I have to look into seeing if Oregon offers similar health insurance. 

My current wifi/utilities/rent package of $740-/mo is pretty good. 
   Hard to walk away from, actually.  Plus the weather.
SF has 52 museums, GG park, glen park;
bkly has tilden, ymca (with pool), GTU (a pleasant, relaxing place)
(bro)Greg and Liz, nephews ben and declan/mom n dad/cousins/aunt and uncle
msj (mission san jose, where i volunteer)

Sara, Pierre, and Augustus just returned from Portland.  They looked at a few properties, didn't make any offers, waiting for "the perfect house."  So it could be awhile.

Stephen Hawking

On God

Here's a quote:
"When people ask me if a god created the universe, I tell them that the question itself makes no sense.  Time didn't exist before the big bang, so there is no time for god to make the universe in.  It's like asking directions to the edge of the earth; the earth is a sphere; it doesn't have an edge; so looking for it is a futile exercise.  We are each free to believe what we want, and it's my view that the simplest explanation is; there is no god.  No one created our universe, and no one directs our fate.  This leads me to a profound realization; there is probably no heaven; and no afterlife, either.  We have this one life to appreciate the grand design of the universe; and for that I am extremely grateful."

I agree.

i have difficulty with the conception of time.
  (of course there was time before the big bang! just as there was space)
  (something for the 'spacetime' to expand in!)

we direct our own fates (largely) so in that sense we are our own gods.

there is an "afterlife", in the sense of our dna persisting in our children, and our art, quotes, books, influence, etc.

grand design
grand designer
gunned down
good day
gigantic dunce!
general disarray

Wednesday, March 7, 2018


Moron Idiot Tard

I.T. -information technology
(inform the nation, the planes are in formation)
(techin' all, oh gee), (teach without an A)
eye tea, something for another horror book by Stephen King

physics of soda- fizzics.
physics is plural- what is a physic?

mathematics- counting Matt's ticks
addition- tabulating the restaurant bill: add it on, a dish in
subtraction- submarine traction (the wheels on it, before it gets launched to sea)
multiply- eating fruit (being fruit-full)
and having sex (no birth control!) and making babies
divide- god (G-D) is the great divide, division is a military term
(for getting sliced in two by a sword?)

motion – drug dealer selling ecstasy (move e),
e-motion (the feeling after taking ecstasy)
the modus operandi of kicking someone in the shin
light- a particle that floats on a wave
thought from dizzy smart people- light-headed, bright
gravity- being very serious about the earth being flat
an angry small vampire (gr a v itty), or a victim that's just a little angry
spacetime- kevin spacey says “that is me!”; no, it's me, says Timmy.
or the right time to fill up some space, at a snail's pace
energy- a nerdy master of ceremonies (a square emcee)

maybe you can see why I didn't go there, lol

Stupid Smart

wicked good

delusion, confusion, ignorance, foolish, incurious
dense, dull, dopey, dolt, dumb, slow, simple, shallow, thick
idiot, moron, fool, imbecile, vacuous, vapid, obtuse
scatterbrained, weak-minded, feebleminded
blockhead, fathead, numbskull
ignant, retarded

knowledgeable, wise, understanding, truthful, enlightened, omniscient
intelligent, sharp, brainy, bright, brilliant
thoughtful, discerning, shrewd, astute
questioning, curious, engaged
percipient, perceptive

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Genie genius

Genius and Stupid Ignorant Fools

A genius can play a fool, but a fool can't a genius. I know, because I'm average, and sometimes a genius and other times a fool. A genie could make me a genius, and 2 other wishes, presumably, according to common knowledge, as we all know about genies somehow, of course. It's The Secret for kiddies. The universe rearranges to give you what you ask for, want, need, and imagine. Well, I ask for omniscience, endless wishes, and unending love-bliss. That should keep me happy.

What wishes do I anticipate asking (prior of course to the omniscience)? No nukes. Unless they're needed to repel an alien invasion, or omniscience informs me they'll never be used, because they really are an effective deterrent, in a MAD (mutually assured destruction) defense strategy. Time travel and eternal youth and immortality, so I won't have to spend eternity floating in space after the sun blows up, or getting more and more decrepit, so that I'm blind as a bat and have no teeth for the rest of eternity. Teleportation (another name for time travel) maybe could take me to distant planets, too, which might be fun. Especially if they're inhabited by fun aliens. And finally, morphing ability! I could experience what it's like to be any animal, vegetable, or mineral. I could be an amoeba or a brontosaurus, a fly or a blue whale, a killer bee or a parrot, a T Rex or a mosquito, a chihuahua or a great dane, anything, anything at all. I could live inside a construct in which everyone is what they want to be. Or just me. I could try different kinds of utopias, paradises, heavenly kingdoms, dreams, worlds, planets, universes.

That shit might get old. I could live countless lives as a mortal. I could raise families, work the whole gamut of gainful employment, struggle from day to day like everyone else. Nothing would be off limits. I could be a supervillain, or a kind and loving and compassionate and forgiving deity. I could be one one day, and the opposite another. I could play different roles, act, be different things, for ever and ever. I could sample having different bodies, different dna, different levels of athletic or combat ability. I could win every olympic event. I could be a devil. I could write the songs that make the whole world sing. I could read every book ever written. I could have an unlimited photographic memory. I could freeze time, and enter and exit the flow of time at will. I could use 100% of my brain, or live life to the fullest. I could be creative, and scientific, and imaginative. I could be vastly wealthy and on an intelligent regimen of drugs for the rest of my life, for the synthetic kind of bliss. Or I could follow the wisdom of all the world's religions, and find happiness in universal love, meditation, sex, endorphins, good nutrition, and things like music and movies. What's better? Being Bill Gates or having a lifetime supply of heroin? Waterskiing or lsd? Rock climbing or meth? Going to a standup comedy club or reading a kid's book. Do it all, I guess. Life is short. Or is life long. I don't actually know. Live every day as if it were your last, I've heard. But that might be a little crazy, if not criminal. So maybe just try and complete your bucket list in the 100 or so years you might have.

It might be fun to do nothing for a hundred years. Just veg and be a couch potato, watching tv, eating pizza, and sleeping a lot. To each his own. The perfect soldier, if you want to go all Hollywood.

I don't want to be aggravated and angry and irate and irritated and mad crazy insane hater, which is just the default mode of being possessed by the devil all the time, or just having him in your head, pushing your buttons. Calm tranquil bliss of enlightened equanimity and kind loving compassion of a happy buddha is a world of difference, where friendship and amity and comity and camaraderie and joy supplant the dukkha of pain agony suffering torment misery anguish despair, for a jolly old soul who's been through all that and learned the error of hatred rage wrath fury, and approaches oblivion with empathy and firm awareness of impermanence instead of ignorance and delusion and clinging. Got all that? A healthy aversion to danger and death is only natural, but no one lives forever. So don't worry, be happy. Be good, better, best. Loving, loved, in love. Happy, cheerful, positive, fun, funny, alive!

Do what thou wilt?  Just be yourself.  Just be.  Or kill yourself.  It's up to you.  Why should I care?  It's your life.  (I actually think that would be tragic).  Do everything once?  Make as many mistakes as you can? lol.  That WOULD be a kind of approach to wisdom!  You only live once.  Do what you want.  Or not.  Do what I want!  Make a difference.  Mad.  Subtract.  mom and dad.  Be good!  Don't be bad.  Or, be bad!  Be deliciously evil!  Blow up the outside world.  Kill em all, let god sort em out.  Be all that you can be.  Don't be good.  How banal and trite and common.  Break all the rules.  Be a monster.  Be interesting.  Don't be boring.  And so on, and so forth, you get the idea.  There's a marketplace for ideas, shop and choose betweeen polarities and opposites, as you wish and will.  For the sake of argument, don't be blindly obedient, but weigh your options, and preserve your God-given FREEDOM to live as you wish, in the pursuit of happiness, even if happiness is a warm gun (so sang the beatles), and your freedom leads to incarceration, ignominy, and even capital punishment.  Or do nothing, nothing at all.  You might have noticed that committing crime doesn't automatically make you insane.  Criminal behavior is usually sane!  The law recognizes that life is hell.  Unless it's heaven.  Figure it out, make it so!

Monday, March 5, 2018


I am tired, so tired. Not exhausted physically, just done. Done with life. The blade runner soundtrack is on my headphones. It's raining. I'm, as they say, under the weather. I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, see anyone. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to meditate. I don't want to read. I just want to sit, and breathe. Inhale, exhale. Inspire, expire. Respire, perspire. I think I think too much. Half the time it's not even me thinking, it's my voice. It's draining. It's hell. Fuck you, I'm done.

Hale and hearty, hail, ins, spire, spyer, res, pire, ire, prr.
Healthy, ice rain, immigration and naturalization service, insurance, church spire, espionage, reyes sacharoff, fire (for such as burning witches at the stake), ire and irritation and anger hatred rage wrath fury, cat (katy perry's cat! Kitty purry)

I don't have to go anywhere. The enemy is within. A constant struggle. Life sucks. Ugh.

So breathe, just breathe. What is that, Dead Milkmen? Yup, thankyou internet. Beige sunshine, off metaphysical graffiti. I know the other one, too. Anna Nalick, google says. Both good.

Br eat he (cold food man), or he as in he he, laughter. Cold food, hahaha. Like a sushi burrito.

Just me myself and I, at the computer, listening to youtube and tapping away, keeping company with my thoughts, words, associations, verbal deconstructions, echoes of musical memory, and of course whoever else might be in my head. For now, it seems like only me. Thanks for the moments of sanity, asshole. Headshocks, as my mind folds in on itself. My voice keeps saying 'I hate my mind'. It wants me to hate myself. There's apparently no barrier, so whatever nevermind. I don't want to think.

Kurt Cobain and Nirvana. Some stupid rap song thinks there's a triumvirate within. The holy trinity. Me, myself, and I, that is. Maybe that's the way out, the enlightened perspective.

Headshocks, chest pains, voice. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Mouth, pussy, anus. Loving, loved, in love. CLU (3, 12, 21). Si, all you!

Good vs evil, evil vs good. Religion, politics. right vs left. It's all good vs. It's all bad. Sane, insane, unsane. God is good, and god is everywhere. Incorporating, integrating, amassing. Nothing evil. Neo.

Make reality you (big me big me ya, agent smith), or make you reality (incorporate, introversion, can't beat em join em, prayer-warrior). Change reality, change self. Both. Neither. It's all good.

God, reality, love.
change or adapt
scared and sacred
fear of god, fog of war

bmw (books/mags/websites), ted (trivia/education/dating), bb ma sd (bodybuilding, martial arts, self-defense), my s (swim yoga meditate), video, my t (youtube, tv, movies), bmw (blog, money, write).
Rest, restaurants.

For the sake of argument (god never loses, evil never wins)
'there is some wicked evil sinful turpitude' says my (evil) voice (stfu, david)

i'm just a person, not a god. Maybe a part of god. But I don't even really believe...
however, goodness and love and reality exist, though, and that seems to be all god really ever is.
Death and pain and suffering and sorrow and regret are all a part of life/reality.
You shouldn't need the threat of hell to be good, in my opinion.
Hinduism, I've learned, considers atheism a path to God.
(God, godliness, holiness, enlightenment)

Catholic Mass
intellectually stimulating, but emotionally barren and zombie-like,
with simple and childish music, imo
Satanism could be a path to God, too.
Especially if “it's all good”, and “god is a man of war”

Dominance and submission... equality
sing and dance, said and done
sick and diseased, sad and depressed,
schizo affective disorder, social anxiety disorder,
seasonal affective disorder, separation anxiety,
standard american diet

fingers and toes, false and true, fit and trim, fido and taco

wet wild windy woolly weather

is a photon wave an expanding orb? Does light “bounce” (say, off a wall)

Annihilation quotes (I read it yesterday), by Jeff VanderMeer

lots of self-alienation: neurological hitch-hikers, desolation tries to colonize you, self-immolating desire for truth, binding you with hypnotic suggestion, the world at war with itself, seeking oblivion, masks and veils and interferrence, nowhere and everywhere, knowing everything and nothing, unsettling sensation as of something creeping under the skin, modified human cells, doppelgangers, some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer for long enough, death- still here even if utterly transformed, narcissism of the human gaze, fear of god/hell/unending pain and sorrow, the end stages of some prolonged form of annihilation (as life itself!), rat- realizations, adjustments, transformations, hosts and assimilation, “i knew less than nothing about myself, whether that was a lie or the truth.” (!!)

the tunnel and lighthouse reminded me of “going deep” (honda) “stairway to heaven” (led zeppelin), the bright (adidam), christian symbology/metaphor (the way, truth, light), birth (coming into the light), self-immolation (buddhist monks), buffy hellmouth, star wars sand opening, cthulhu, a movie with an animated boar... plus some dreams I had.

I'm not really suicidal.  Never have been, hopefully never will be.  But I am a bit sick of myself.  Although I love myself, and consider the annoying part an external intrusion.  So it goes.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Heaven and Earth

What I Would Do In Heaven

Prevent hell. Maintain. Weed the garden. Educate, taste of hell, so H's denizens know how good they've got. A little chaos, that gets resolved into order. Occasional deviltry, so HD's don't get bored.

Bad guys (and gals) are essential to heaven. The law needs “ideal” situations to be progressive. The devil is God's servant. He is allowed, encouraged, and appreciated for being evil. He is the shadow that makes the light bright. He is the hate that makes love divine. The perfection of society depends on the depraved. God bless the devil. He wouldn't be “for evil” (4-evil) if there wasn't some good in it.

What is the law of heaven, you ask? There is none. You are free, finally. You can do what you want! I would do everything, in heaven. Because wisdom and depth of experience is a virtue. You would want to make every mistake. With the exception of anything that has the consequence of infinite pain, of course. I would break every law, commit every crime, do anything I wanted, anything others disapproved of, plus everything else, all of it. Live life to the fullest. Be all that you can be. Just do it.

God is love. Hate is just loving something else. It's all good. God is everywhere, everything, everyone, always. All right? Do not be attached to the “good”, averse to the “evil”, or ignorant of any reality. Judge not. There is no heaven or hell. Earth is the whole ball of wax. Make it heavenly. Make your own reality heavenly. Help others overcome suffering. Happiness is a warm gun, mama. Aim high. What's up, doc? Well, down, naturally. Actually, yes, no? A soldier's heaven could be quite different from a priest's. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Or not: people have different tastes. The golden rule is more of a bronze, you might say. The silver? Love life. True gold? No regrets.

So anyway, here on earth, there is law, and consequences, and no one is free to commit unrestrained evil, except in their imagination, in books, movies, dreams, videogames, etc. War and its evils need to be overcome by love. The heavens might be a bunch of different places, ideal for every kind and flavor of utopian idealism. But I doubt souls migrate to different worlds, like in the movie Avatar. Death is final. No one has a soul. Bodies and minds, si. Alma? No. A sol (sun), a sole (fish), two soles (feet), a sole (unique quality -dna) and solitary facing of death on one's own terms, for example, among other things. I am not the sole voice of reason. The other me is, too, lol. I and I love life! The (other) man in my head is a bug, a pest, a nuisance, unwelcome, unwanted, evicted, unhealthy, insane, and unpleasant, but I'm sure it's there for some reason or another. I wish I knew. I really do. Is there a me and an anti-me? Is happiness a zero-sum reality with a personal devil for whom his happiness is my torment? A curious thought. Can't we all just get along? Maybe I need to integrate different aspects of my self. Maybe wellness is non-exclusionary. Maybe the whole world in my head is true sanity. Maybe I'm sane, already, and taking medication is the true madness. Ah, who cares. You live until you die is the only way to stay sane. Life is just a bunch of spells, a dream; we're just animals, like worms, with a hole to eat with and hole to excrete out of, moving around, trying to reproduce before we die; dust unto dust; no one lives forever; vanity of vanities, all is frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense.

Is that depressing? We're all in the same boat, really (the global village, spaceship earth), third rock from the sun, we should see ourselves in everyone else, trying to make sense of a mad, mad world. May the force be with you!

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Comprehensive Life Action Plan


Daily exercise, sweat. maintenance, if not improvement. Movement. muscle-confusion/variety. cardio, BB, yoga. 2100 asanas (book). Stretch, bodybuilding, at gym/home, swim lift bike, sport (basketball, ultimate frisbee, lawn bowling, etc.), swim regimen (music?). personal trainer (book, free service from Ymca), gym hot tub, daily shower, home/online prison exercise, dog-walk, jumprope, run, superbetter (book), nap, meditate. Lose gut, gain muscle, increase flexibility. Planks, passes, bicycle/crunches, pushups, tricep extensions/kick-backs, arnold presses, bent rows, shakes, dancing; lake, bay to breakers, marathon; reverse sit ups, groin/hurdler stretches, happy baby, gyrations, fold (touch toes/floor), warrior 1 and 2, toe-lifts, wrist curls, lunges, sun salutation, tai chi, isometrics, time under tension, horse stance, bodybuilding.com, exercise library, fartleks, men's health magazine, lift table/futon pad/bike, lifting play with Augie. Go to bed tired, awake refreshed. Etb etr, early to bed early to rise. Enough, but not too much, sleep. Sit, rest, nap, relax, refresh, recharge, recuperate, recover. Motivated, dedicated. Strong, fit, healthy, well, sane. Mental/Physical health. Physically strong, mentally awake, morally straight. Prepared. Healthy food/eat well. Quality/quantity. Not too much, not too little, Veg/tupperware/restaurants. Hydrate. Gnc/vitamins (vitamin c, joint support, men's health, omega 3 fish oil, B12). diet and nutrition: minimal sugar, alcohol, meat. Cook new/creative meals from recipes, tupperware. Fruits and vegetables. Color. intermittent fasting, olanzapine (zyprexa) and risperidone (risperdal), adjust medications, zz (zydis). Strength, size, beauty, endurance, endorphins. Look good, feel good. Athleticism, longevity/long life, allure, thrive, alive! Vibrant, energetic, sexy. :-) exercise partners (friends, dating, $) diet, exercise, nutrition, health & fitness, oral hygiene (brush, floss, rinse), daily shower, strong and well, clear head and clean heart, sane, thriving, alive. Live until you die is the only way to stay sane. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Long live the king. Healthy, wealthy, and wise. Health is the prerequisite for all other virtues. Enjoy life while you have it!

Daily MA/SD (martial arts, self-defense), survival, prepared, ready, armed, dangerous. aikido, 1 on 1 instruction, youtube, library/bookstore materials, free dojo offers, military, box, wikipedia guide to styles, Nikki, magazines, cssd (common sense), mma on tv, movies (piedmont video?), travel. Combat ready: Jujitsu, kung fu, karate, boxing, kickboxing, wrestling, krav maga, chin na, capoeira, tae kwon do, wing chun, etc. Learn/teach, practice/train, warrior, pacifist, be prepared, daily immersion, review, progress. Speedy, swift, rapid, quick, fast, lightning, rehearsed, invisible, devastating, victorious, over, safe. Neutralized threat. Aikido dancing. Defense readiness. Training, practice, review, improvement, mastery. Ready, willing, able. Experienced. Skill, talent, ability, facility, aptitude, prowess, expertise, command, control, mastery. Sensei (superior, equal, inferior) Advantages, weaknesses, strategy. Strength in numbers. Gun, vest, mindset, philosophy, reading, prayer. Community, friends, partner.
      Ahimsa, non-violence, spirituality, godliness, goodness. Create your own religion, belief-system, precepts of truth/reality. Not alone. Strength in numbers. Community, support, faith. Refresh soul, spirit, in Nature. Native american spirituality. Defense/Spirituality: best of everything :-).

Truth, Reality.  Loving, loved, in love. Gentle, kind. Equanimity, respect. Mindfulness, discernment. Sympathy, empathy. Gentle, generous, genuine. Calm peaceful abiding, peace tranquility, stillness, compassionate, giving, forgiving, merciful. Calm, ready, prepared, safe, secure. Joy, bliss, happiness, pleasure, contentment, satisfaction. Nature. / fun, playful, cheerful, optimistic, hopeful/ appreciative, respected, appreciated, helpful/ rich, wealthy, comfortable/ knowledge, truth, wise, understanding, enlightened, omniscient. Empty. Loving-kindness. Enjoy being in your own skin. Frolic, frivolity, fun. Hopeful, helpful. Appreciative, appreciated. Submit to a higher power, ship-shape, top-form, at best, 100%.  Authentic Happiness, Character Strengths and Virtues, Aletheon (books). Meditation, reflection, processing, integration. Progression: Love self, other, others, all. Sanity, love, friendship, service, happiness, bliss, equanimity, acceptance, enlightenment. Do nothing, something, everything. Do what you want, you only live once. It's all good. Just be.
       Friends, social, dating. Ill vs. well (I will vs. we will), Sex, love, intimacy, touch, massage, hugs, kisses, cuddling, cum, ecstasy, orgasm, bliss. Asexual? Non-attachment. Non-aversive, too. Common interests (e.g. fitness, self-defense, nature, yoga, sexual attraction, trivia, mensa, restaurants, music, museums) Give out cards, yttp (free yoga, downtown berkeley, yoga to the people) okcupid, match, personals. F act, fun act, fact!  “All beside love is but words” -Baha'i

Self-help, psychology, spirituality, and BAMS (short story mysteries) genre literature reading mindset. Horror/Crime- vicarious experience, depth through literature, catharsis, relief. Kp group, if needed. Psychiatrist appt. (ingest drugs, meds, medication, medicine, food, diet, nutrition). In Jess T. Research, cautious testing, self-medicate, microdose. Be all you can be. Act, play roles, be yourself. Mind and body, mentally and physically, heart and soul. Good, better, best. Elite. Happy, alive! Fun, funny. Drugs are dangerous. Be careful! It's a long hard road out of hell. For every high there's a rock bottom. Moderation in all things, they say. If you want a roller-coaster, then “including moderation” applies. See how deep the rabbit hole goes? Mt. Everest is dangerous. Space flight is dangerous. Highs entail lows. What goes up must come down. Sex and drugs can drop you to the depths. Heaven can lead to hell. Unless you die high.  An abandoned corpse on Everest.  Hopefully, self-apotheosis doesn't lead to suicide (!). Elation and exhilaration and euphoria and ecstasy and exultation, the 5 E's. Gravity means that what goes down doesn't necessarily come back up. God = get on down (like a corpse?). Get on up, like a sex machine. A little levity, ah! My social network? My social safety net/ support system. Corporate body, corporate mind. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated! Less solitude and mental-masturbation, crazy spinning of your own wheels.  Reading, writing, thinking are good, but in moderation, not to excess. More socializing, time with friends, family, lover(s).  SI, in sum: Books, meds, drugs, sex, social, part of something bigger.

No/ less/ minimal s/a/m (sugar, alcohol, meat). Vegan, vegetarian. Enjoy life. Sex, drugs, rock n roll. Wine, women, and song. Ingest, digest. Are what you eat, less what you excrete. Stay alive, stay safe, stay well. Not a “tall glass of water” for a vampire to suck neck. Empty well. But not living dead, either. Dining room table psycho! -drinking and eating each other? Red wine, white wine. Why-n. red and white blood cells, drink in the doctor's ink, gluttons are "pigs" (pork/ham/bacon), you know what your problem is?  You're delicious!  Blood= be lewd.  Words of Christ in red.  Words like "paint" and "diet" : (suffering and death on cross). Clogged arteries and congestion as traffic metaphors. Keep it flowing! Drunk as a vampiric reality.  Dessert for "sweet" people, sweethearts; or maybe a vampire would find you bitter.  Flavor of the week dating.  Cannibal, can-o-bull.  Except for eating the rich, nibbling on ears, swallowing, and other gr-eat stuff.  What's your beef? Killing the poor (pork?).  Stay thirsty, my friend.  Hat- hunger and thirst, for righteousness. All right?
    Eucharistic mystery: ingest, in jess t, in jest. Get out and stay out! Unwanted and un-welcome, anyway, because it's insane. Someone in my head, and it's only me :-) Forgive us our tress-passes (!)
bmw: bitch moan and whine. Mr. and mrs. whiner! (lol) -snl (?), drink life in, feast your eyes, you suck! Thirst for justice, thirst for life, thirst for vengeance, bloodthirsty.. fellatio, hickies, popsicles, suckers! My first name (Jesse) means “the whole office” of the eucharist. Two! (linguistic numerology: Jesus. Jew. Beast. Black. White).  Feed the hungry. No food waste. No obesity. No starvation, malnutrition, famine.  Healthy, attractive, happy bodies.  Make earth heavenly.  Your body is your temple.  Eyes are windows. 
     Christ this is weird. Chuy is pronounced chewy. I'm Jesus, Chuy, or Isai in spanish. Isa is Jesus in arabic. But I don't want to be Jesus. I don't even want to be Christ-like. Suffering, who needs it. Mountain Mike's pizza (e.g. veggiemore), Ike's sandwiches (e.g. 'sometimes i'm a vegetarian'), mike and ike's (candy), and Spike and Mike's animation. KE=jesus christ. Am I crazy, or is this in fact the subconscious reality behind language? Jesus Christ. What's eating you? Carnivores? Meat is just made out of plants, anyway. In sum, more plants, less meat/alcohol/sugar. Water, wine, eucharist, thirst, hunger, privacy, and ikes/mtn mikes. Eat well.

EVERYTHING (in a nutshell)
Eat, exercise, sleep. Read, watch, listen. Write, talk, create. Work, play. Move stuff around, logistics. Be good, better, best. Make a difference. Be a part of the solution, not the problem. Make a better world. Serve and protect. Love all, serve all. Don't be bad. Teach/Learn. Stay curious, healthy. Don't worry, be happy! It's all good. Just move. Go on, dance.  Be a simple kind of man; do this for me son, if you can.

BAD (problem)
Don't be bad, evil, immoral, unethical, shady, wicked, sinful, criminal, corrupt, depraved, brutal, cruel, mean, nasty, vicious, savage, barbaric, monstrous, fiendish, diabolical, bloodthirsty, murderous, demonic. Hate the sin, love the sinner, however. Don't be averse to any kind of people. Don't be a hater. Be accepting, enlightened, empathic, sympathetic, understanding. Equanimity. Reduce and alleviate and eliminate suffering! Criminal behavior, illegal acts, and unlawful activities, are all judged by this standard. The law and law enforcement are therefore your friends. Incarceration is not necessarily punishment, but rather preventing further harm to society. God is all-powerful, and he rules with loving-kindness.  Dishonesty and lies are bad, too.
   Insanity and stupidity and ignorance and delusion/psychosis are all part of the learning curve. Harm, suffering, pain, agony, torment, misery, anguish, and despair are the sticks on the flip side of the coin from the carrots and pleasure and reward and joy and bliss of making the world (including jails and prisons) a better place to live. Thoughts are different from behavior. It's okay to have dark thoughts. Everyone feels hatred and malice. But they can lead to evil, if you get “possessed” by them, or can't see the light for the shadow. Everyday life is full of hypnosis, like priests and blogs and tv and movies and music. Vengeance, revenge, vigilante, vampire, victims.. Tend your garden. Weed your mind. Which wolf lives? The one you feed. Remember, life is good. The karma from ICU (illegal criminal unlawful) is “ending in 'L.” Get it? Like a brit saying 'hell,' (lover=hell over!). In sum, evil is bad. Don't be a demon (cthulhu, voldemort, sauron; criminal, vampire, satan; monster, devil, serial killer, mass murderer, cannibal carnivore, Death). Defeat your demons (e.g. sin, turpitude, hatred, sadism, schadenfreude, corruption, madness). God is on your side. Evil never wins.

GOOD (solution)
Humor, jokes, fun, laughter, friendship, love. Amity, comity. Camaraderie, brotherhood, family, of good cheer. Variety, stimulus. Busy, busy. Never bored. If you're bored, then you're boring. Big brother, uncle Jesse, prison lit volunteer. Satire, standup comedy. Creative: author, write- blog, journal, essays, commentary, book(s). Arts and crafts centers. Lifelong learning. Curious, questioning, thoughtful, imaginative. Joyful. Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent. Do a good turn daily. Be prepared. Love all, serve all. Be sincere and honest and open and true. Only God is good? Be God. Be part of something bigger than yourself. Global telepath. It's all you. You are your own universe. Big me. Fight villainy. Be an embodiment of love. Do everything once? Not! In imagination, only :-) Keepin' it real. In sum, virtue is good. Be good. What appears to be evil could in fact perhaps be disguised justice and vengeance and karma. God is always and everywhere. It's all good. But pain is unpleasant, and should not be inflicted. Rather, it should be reduced, avoided, and prevented. Pain is good, though, in the sense that it's our body's way of telling us what's wrong. We'd be fuct without it. Goodness, gracious! God never loses.

“All this is God. God is all that is.” -Sufism

MUSIC: Hearts of space, baroque, gdradio, fm/am; college radio (listen/list ten: whrb, wmbr, wprb,
wybcx, kalx, kzsu, kcpr, kdvs, kzsc, kusf-in-exile), standup (itunes/pandora/youtube)
Audio: joe frank, chinese, npr, whrb Su a.m. service, audiobooks, podcasts
TV at gym (ridiculousness, awesomeness),
at SPA's/elsewhere (apple/cable/satellite: GoT, black mirror, westworld),
VIDEOS on Tablet/Phone/Computer, Online:(Youtube/Ted/Netflix) ask a ninja, juggling, cirque, self-
defense, music, nature, trains, dinosaurs,....Animation: south park, ren n stimpy, beevis n butthead,
spike n mike (e.g. sick and twisted), pixar, tom n jerry, simpsons, looney tunes, adult swim, dr. katz,
futurama...), literotica.com (porn).
MOVIES (piedmont rental, netflix, hulu, library, theater).
The last 5 I saw were Coco, Star Wars, Blade Runner, Black panther, and 2018 animated shorts.

READING spells: (books, magazines, newspapers, websites),(anything, everything, omnivore),(borrow, buy) (library/purchased/”little free library” boxes) , (why? For blog research, edification, pleasure, escape) (reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body), (kwuteo, knowledge wisdom understanding truth enlightenment omniscience)(wikipedia “rabbit-hole”) (lifelong learning)(stay curious, my friend)(smart intelligent caring kind)(god is the central intelligent agent)(democracy depends on educated voters) (bookstores: barnes and noble, pegasus, half-price books, oakland- on piedmont) (words: dictionary, slang, languages, thesaurus; poetry, essays, short stories, novels, biographies, fiction, nonfiction, history, scifi, fantasy, horror, mystery, encyclopedias, large print)
(mix it up, variety, challenge, new vocabulary, foreign languages)
to do:go through lists, book/day, speedreading, harold bloom (canon), cal bookstore, gatesnotes; Link +
friends: michael helbush (bloom, moby dick), pierre basmaji (expanse), sara brown (annihilation),
jose vargas (El reino de este mundo -alejo carpentier, nocturno de chile -bolano)
(bestsellers, award-winners, okcupid/librarian rec's, book-club discussion groups, test prep)
Lev Grossman: “if you liked” list; “homework, but fun”: la jornada, crime encyc, chambers dictionary..
LISTS: 1001/501+/Bloom Canon/50 teen/newbery/hugo nebula/booker/nobel/pulitzer
:-) Author list: LG, bill bryson, terry pratchett, vaclav smil, steven pinker, dave barry,
mark twain, kurt vonnegut, evelyn waugh, pg wodehouse, douglas adams, carl hiaason.
Categories: jokes/short stories (bams/bass)/buddhist/trivia/children's lit/psych/self-help;
horror, fantasy, true-crime, crime encyc (bpl central, reference), best american mystery stories;
Daily: economist/atlas/espanol/H (history, news, spanish, geography), poem, delancey, trivia (e-m)
history: Today in History, Grim Reaper (books); online: Wikipedia, Chase, Farlex
home supply (mine, unread): spanish dict/grammar, jesuit guide- james martin sj, world's religions
huston smith, superbetter -jane mcgonigal, the circle -dave eggers, straight man -russo, zorro -isabel allende, authentic happiness -seligman phd, the message; best essays,
religion/spirituality, other languages, travel lit, atlas/geography, sociology, culture shock
world book, britannica (reference section, dvd), grzimek, J!, trivia cards, wikip.
enlightenment now -steven pinker/life and work principles -ray dalio/think and grow rich -n. hill
gtu/glen park magazines/cal library/17 Oakland libraries/5 in Berkeley (research project?)/52 musuems
online: blogs/sermon archive/beliefnet/podcasts/wikipedia
phrontistery, weird news, iep (philosophy), slang, onion, ted, youtube, google
NEWS: yahoo, wikipedia, economist, berkleyside, wapo202, ny times (email, daily summary)
sometimes: (huffpo, cs monitor, cnn, la jornada, foreign affairs, mad magazine, weird news,
literotica's sex in the news, people, tabloids, utne, cal paper, cs reading room, campus/E! calendar,
east bay express, bay woof, men's health, rolling stone, bloomberg, “good news”).

FOR PRISONERS- writing (for/by/about prisoners): legal, yoga, self-defense, bodybuilding, jokes, trivia, origami, college degrees, news, job-training, literature/poetry, languages, music/audiobooks, history, mysteries, true-crime, religious, devil as character (wikipedia has a list), encyclopedias, variable print-size, on available sturdy tablet? Approved materials. In library, or on digital device. Donations, charity, volunteering, tech development. Literacy.

WORK and $
Wifi/utiities/rent, in budget. Make enough $, Read $ books.. Free food, monthly bfp (berkeley food pantry), free dental, bfc (berkeley free clinic), Anthony Robbins cassettes (lol), book lent to Sara, try new jobs.  Healthy, wealthy, and wise.  No worries, security for life.  Basic needs (food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, clean water, sanitation).  Rich, wealthy, comfortable, secure.  Be valuable, helpful, useful, rewarded by society.  Do what you enjoy, what you're good at, and what is needed, necessary, valued, appreciated, in-demand.  True wealth is happiness, love, companionship, in addition to things, items, property, and filthy lucre.  Education and training: make yourself valuable, specialize, such as an expert on a certain country, culture, region, for example.

TRIVIA: (tv/c/books and cards)
tv- wbsm -win ben stein's money-, cash cab, jeopardy, smarter than a 5th grader, ww2bam
online- Wikipedia/Google/J! (Jeopardy Archive)/Britannica dvd, geography bee, snapple facts, u-haul
trivia, knowledge trainer, quizup, ntn/buzztime, fun trivia, trivia hive, trivia crack)
books- trivial pursuit+ cards, uncle john's readers, big book of series
library-worldbook, britannica, library reference section.
Research: wbsm archive?, teacher test archive(s)/resources, dad.
Extensive library websites resources (Bpl, sfpl, oakland, albany, sacramento, roseville, calistoga)

MUSEUMS: 52 in SF, alone (wikipedia page), bank of america, library 'discover and go'
WRITING: artists and writers workshop, Cazadero. Daily routine. Notebooks, fragments, consolidate.
POLITICS: a little subversive, pro-con.org, fb, research, marches, 801, blog/conversation, signage.
FAMILY: Mt. Davidson with mom, stern grove with dad, CR with Greg, Jack Kilmartin. Play w Ben.

RELAXATION: gym hot tub, gtu, ggp people watch, origami, thrift store, nap, do nothing, stretch, bs
(graduate theological union)(golden gate park)(bull shit, shoot the bull); sit in sun, sunbathe, get a tan, warm your bones beside the fire. 

RELIGIOUS VARIETY: buddhist, hindu, christian, muslim, jewish, adidam, hk, bahai, spiritism, sikh
blog research; happiness hypnosis. meditate (on:) scientology, glide memorial, unitarian, christian science, holy hill, temple beth abraham/beth el, buddhist (higashi honganji (family), thai (meal), sokku gakkai (oakland), shambhala (berkeley), meetup, diamond way, zen, best buddhist writing), shinto. jw/lds/black. (jehovah's witnesses, mormon (latter day saints), african american). adidam/cult/hari krishna/voudon; even the occasional (psycho yet boring?) Catholic mass. Online: podcasts, sermon archive, belief.net, blogs, wikipedia; library books, mount madonna, tassajara buddhist retreat, mountain of attention. Sex.

Dating, morning coffee and pastry, movies, restaurants, walk lake merritt, bike along shore, indian rock, hiking tilden, camp royaneh work party, pierre hiking?, meetup groups, volunteering (prison lit project), call family/friends, be social, give cards, post wag! Cards, cal campus, go to bars, clubs, standup comedy, city (sf), yoga studios, libraries, spanish immersion, bus rides, music events, shambhala wednesday night meditation, religious variety, plays (cal, shotgun), match.com, daily okcupid. Change, challenge. Read, watch, listen. Write, origami, art centers, take a class, research.
Relax, sit, breathe, do nothing, ponder navel, meditate, nap, sleep, people-watch, think, write, read, watch tv, listen to radio (talk, music, news, comedy, joe frank), surf web (e.g. youtube, google, blogs, podcasts), have sex, eat well, travel/go somewhere new (local, us, int'l), museums, libraries, pools, theme parks, play tourist (locally!, consult travel guides), retail therapy, massage, dance, roller coaster, historical landmarks, parades, national parks, nature, professional sports, party, comicon, renfair, tech show, gun show, car show, tattoo show, monster trucks, professional wrestling, state fairs, garlic festival, taiko, demolition derby, standup comedy club, volunteer, prison lit. Pizza (like mtn mike's), sandwich (like Ike's), watch mtv ridiculousness/awesomeness, GoT (game of thrones), westworld, blackmirror. Bill Gates notes. Visit annette. Wybcx, oyc. (yale radio, open yale courseware). Mensa. Speedreading. Kp hb (kaiser permanente healthwise handbook). Superbetter. “Wikipedia rabbithole”, worldbook, jokes, movies, bubbles, opera, plays, pow wow, microdose, pastor tacos, new foods, hindu/sikh/muslim/bahai svcs., gymnastics, link+, get drunk, photography/digital camera, bake brownies/cookies, thrift store, mcd's. Subway, smart alec's, chipotle, sushi, thai, burmese, chinese, pho.
Write, publish, new clothes, feng shui / move furniture, hammock, birdfeeder, fountain, bench, food, dictionary, atlas, documentaries, horseback trail rides, make friend/day, go to Reed -bike thing, library research project, phd?, rain forest, hot air balloon, japan, taiko/sumo, bonsai, sushi, origami. Fly a kite, europe, lottery, self-driving car, learn/teach, get a massage, laser show, museums, hike leader iep, yahoo, cnn, huffpo, weird news, sex news, daily history 2 books/wikipedia/chase/farlex/britannica, e-bike, wag!, candy dish, chess, pizza, trivia, pottery, cook dinner from recipes, call someone, xmas list, garage sales, flea market, sell storage junk, give away books, specialize and read and master, bitcoin, pro con website surf, call politicians, bookstore browse, true crime/horror/fantasy, hugo nebula, pinterest purchase, brush teeth, floss, rinse, etb etr, military combat training immersion, 1 on 1, read poem/day, delancey excerpt/day, vocab/day, and joke/day (?). standup comedy club, hbo specials, itunes comedy channels, and dead milkmen. Goals, Objectives, Discipline. Progress, achievement, reward, inspiration. Cuddle. Read catechism. Podcasts. Sermon archive. Happiness psychology. Aletheon. Yoga. Speak, improve spanish. Minimal sugar/ alcohol/ meat.
Dermatoglyphics, iridology. Tarot reader, ear candling, spiritism, haircut, crafty, dye hair, erin halloween transformation, bike maintenance, draw cartoons, page/day calendars. Psychiatrist. Psych lit, self-help. Money books, BB, masd, biographies. Clean, straighten, organize. Do laundry. Trivia and reading lists and exercise and self-defense and jokes and lit by other prisoners and lit about incarceration and history and job training for tablets for jails/prisons/incarcerated/homebound. Audiobook narration. Geography. Languages. News. Encyclopedias. Prisoners doing science? Music. Listen, play, compose. Concerts, radio, cd's. Headphones/2 way communication, emergency broadcast system, train cat to use toilet, daily shower, retail therapy, videogames, rotten.com, twitter (feed?), update blog/seo/blow up, go viral (ugh!), free hugs, memorize 50 good jokes, dance in room, origami (youtube!), SI reunion, AAA maps, ballet, train travel, superior diet and exercise, read everything, magazine store browse, rap music, wine tasting, mission san jose, nextdoor, royaneh photo albums review, renew. Dave Firebaugh. Rich Whitney. st. stephen's reunion again. Karen Wilson. Nina Sullivan. G. Katie. Gill. Corliss. H? Zeff. Betat. Jurkowski. Reich. Cemetary tour. Instagram. Basketball, college nba prison pickup. Solitaire. Elfdots. Cribbage. Card tricks. Magic show. Science museums. Made. Disneyland. Disneyworld. Eurodisney, japan disney.
Mexico again, Jose/Edgar. Exploratorium. food/sex/endorphins/sleep. Watch tv. Cruiseship. Tennis ball launcher! Magic tricks. Origami. Jokes. Bubbles. 3 person chess. Quidditch. Gymnastics. Superpowers (wikipedia). List of internet phenomena. Ninja. Fast cars. Beauty. LG books. Slang dictionaries. Order a pizza. Watch 1001 movies. Symphony, concert hall. County fairs. Parades. Historical landmarks. Festivals. Comicon. Renfair. Ren n stimpy. Animation. Beevis n butthead. Simpsons. South Park. Spike n mike. Fractured fairy tales. Tom n jerry. Itchy n scratchy. Loony tunes. Hanna barbara. Knott's berry farm. Great america. 0 gravity. Look through telescope/microscope. Kit car. Fence windmills. Happiness, pleasure, fun, excitement, relaxation, achievement, laughter, satisfaction, and contentment. Progress and optimism and joy. Comprehension and understanding and wisdom and creativity and ideas and knowledge and enlightenment and bliss. Variety and challenge and culture shock and adaptation. New tech, toys, tastes, and travel to alternate territories with trusted (teleportation tachyon!?) taxpayers of my tribe. Ha. Religious variety, read la jornada at central, taiko, youtube..

Health, Fitness, Safety (bb/ma/sd), Love, Nature, God, Knowledge, $, Happiness.

Busy, busy!


A word with God

Mental masturbation vs. communication. Prayer = telepathy to God. But He knows already. All you ever knew -enya (in you?). Share the goodness, fight villainy, be a man for others, be all you can be (be all. You CAN be!), aim high, an embodiment of love, the whole office of the eucharist, as earth, SJ See (jesuit pope), jester, arm leg leg arm head! Play the “part” (yikes). Good orgasm development. Great offense, defense. God is a game. great offensive display.  game of defense.  God or devil, glee or depression, great or diminutive, glorified or damned... Gee oh ! Dee=owner of Davis Woodstock's pizza. I got “fired” from there. Papa John. Papa Murphy's. Father John Murphy, SJ. Go Dad. Get out, dad. D's- David, Doug, Don, Draper, De, Dee, Denea, Deana, Deena, Doris, Dorothy, Daryl, Darren, Dobbs, etc. Go, D. (who?) Go downstairs.  Get off, downtown.  The padres say He is Invincible, Omniscient, Immortal. Ha. Waiting for Godot (God on cross?) (a word with God -in it)..

some thoughts on T: marital/martial law! immoral/immortal. morality/mortality. Are the marital arts the same as martial arts? T-shirts, tea party, T-bill (treasury), Mr. T, Tom (toronto ottowa montreal), t is for turtle (wherever you are, you are home), paint (pain on cross).. Teshara: T es hara (I am cross about my Buddha/beer belly/gut). Distended. I hate my own guts? Well, not really, put it that way. Should I? (shoulder!).

Friday, February 23, 2018


a piece of my mind

H is for health. Mental and physical health. Healthy and helpful. Helpful and hopeful. Happy, healthy, helpful, hopeful. Honda, hospital, hannibal, harvard, heaven, and hell. His Holiness. Hatred and red hats.H8.Hm. Allah. High school. High and low. Hi and hello. Happy hall. Kids in the hall. Kith and kin. Everything, all the time. Infinite space-time. Stems- Space time energy matter. Science technology engineering math. Integrated studies. St. Ignatius, sports illustrated, smart intelligent, stupid ignorant, systeme internationale (metric system), si (yes, in spanish), sick ill (diseased). Sid vicious. Vice, victim, vicki, victorious, crown victoria, vishnu, V. movie, vampire, vigo, vittle, visibility, vibes. Dis-ease, discernment, ill at ease, discomfort, disability, dukkha, dissatisfaction, D. devil, david, 4. ford. At ease, soldier. Time, the 4th dimension. Dim men shun. Ti, rapper. That is, me. Who can say where the road goes, only time -enya. Rhode scholar. Randy Rhoads. Row rho roe your boat. Life is but a dream. Morpheus. Infinity. 8 sideways. Infiniti (car brand). Life is dream a butt. Cigarette, buggery. Keep a lid on it. I.T. Information technology, stephen king book, institute of technology (e.g. Caltech, MIT), it! 92. Teshara, Larry. Bond, James Bond. Shaken, not stirred. Stream of consciousness. S-o-c. Sociology. Spit a flow. Spit teeth, blood. Urinate, you're in 8. yellow, yell ow. Bubbles, blossom, buttercup. Powerpuff girls. Animation. 2018 oscar nominated shorts. Anime. Animals. Humans (are animals, too). She wears short shorts. Martin short. Pauly Shore. sh. Sacred heart. Shit. Brown, brr-own, own the cold, cold-hearted, dead. Number 1, number 2. piss and poo. Pee and pooh. Winnie. Winnemucca. Urine and defecation. Yellow and brown. School colors? Lol. Excretion. Push! Birthing, elimination. Push and pull. Push- notifications. Pushy. Cushy jobs. Cushions. Cushion for the pushin'. Big ass, wide load, junk in the trunk, overweight/obese, fat bottom girls they make the rockin' world go round, when she sits around the house she sits AROUND the house! You're mom/gf is so fat... jokes, jocks, jocko. Devo.

What Does G.O.D. Stand For?

Gigantic Orgasmic Dick, and goodly other divine wordplay

goals objective discipline; good orderly direction; genius or dumb, grades over D! Game of definitions, glad overjoyed delighted, glee or depression, get old die; pain=pa in, get out dad! god or demon, good or diabolical, good ol' devil... get out, devil! generalized oppression disorder. game of death, graduate of davis, gathering of darklings, gory orgasm destruction, gratitude or despair, glass of drink, gloves on dresser, gin or dasani, greed of destitute, godiva overdose, gluttony or disgust, gay one direction, george orwell dystopia, glory or disrepute, geriatric old debilitated, growth of disease, grateful of disability, good ol' days, grand ol' duke, grr of demon, grateful of death, gas oil discovery, guile of deception, gigantic orgasmic dick, gloomy obscure darkness, give over dollars, golly oh darn, gym outdoor dancing, glandular obesity disease, god of disinformation, giving out dope, gender of distaff, grammatically-off deutsch, grimly-ordered death, gravity of disaster, gary oldman's dog, give off demeanor, glory of david, grace of divinity, gradually overtaking devil, gospel-truth of dogma, grief obsessed dominion, game of offensive domination, gain of defense, guns oblivion drugs.

get out the door, grungy old dog, growing older daily, get over death, get out of debt, good ol' dad

Giver of deutschmarks, depletion from obligatory generosity. 

weird word ward 
Chris' chin, arm leg leg arm head (allah!), armed <
devil/lived. dogma/am god. love/evolution. No it u love. live/evil. satan/santa. demon/no med.
Catholic dogma! Reigning cats and dogs. God with an O is good. Church: clear head, clean heart.

family phrase fun
dangerous dan, erinaceous (relating to hedgehogs), jim at the gym, sympathy/empathy for Pat H, path of least resistance, psycho/socio/neuro/tele-pathy, the road less taken,  e.s.m.e. (eternal and supreme master of existence!), victorious vicki, gregarious greg, lizard liz, beneficent benjamin, declarative declan, jester in a jetta, jailtime or jilt jolt, hilarious larry, pge and egypt (peggy t)  LGBT and BGLAD.  teshara- as heart, earth, hater.  to share ah, cher, ra (sun god), robert anderson, T14 rah! (raw sewage)

Monday, February 5, 2018

To Do List

To Do does not equal "todo"
todo (pronounced "toe-dough") = everything, in Spanish!
Just this stuff oughtta keep me busy for the rest of my entire life!!!
(the books, especially)

ssi estimated earnings (monthly/yearly) 
amt. needed for independence
budget / taxes 
glen park $ books
john sims book: think and grow rich, N Hill 
anthony robbins cassettes
book I gave to sara / s gave me
find bitcoin data
volunteer, internship;  try other jobs
use alumni association, career center 
professional cuddler
nature hike leader, naturalist, botanist, zoologist 
martial arts instructor
author, researcher 
audiobook narrator
fitness partner, personal trainer 
origami, bubbles, jokes, hugs, advice
consult about marriage, inheritance 
dad, if well. house, car, college
ABLE accounts (achieving better life experience)

wish list: better phone, newer computer 
e-bike, joe frank, cs monitor, f.a.
   (christian science, foreign affairs)
travel: japan, europe, rain forest 
 parades, nt'l parks, theme parks, fairs, festivals
taiko, opera, ballet, concerts, plays, movies 
trivia compile, wbsm, apple watch
   (win ben stein's money)
folding bed -chair 
fm radio with presets and lock, swim music
spanish grammar 
self-defense library, 1 on 1 instruction
netflix, documentaries, piedmont video card 
lumosity, mensa, superbetter, spdrdg class
match, okcupid, adult school, community college 
spike n mike's
massage, ear candling
 trail ride, hiking/camping, birdwatch, telescope
emergency supplies 
kiva microloans
buy stapler
buddhist retreat (e.g. Tassajara)
white water rafting 
craft windmills 
nice kite
kit car
prison lit tablet 
msf/mfa (doctors without borders, mercy for animals)
daily okcupid 
cal campus connections!
Jeannine/Annette/Pat Z 
wag cards, pricing
train museum 
dental, bfc (berkeley free clinic)
toys r us 
fishing gear
flea market, thrift stores 
new clothes 
auburn rental car

tv: GoT, blackmirror, westworld 
movies, imax
ridiculousness, amazingness (mtv) 
library music cd's (compact discs)
hulu? apple tv? satellite/cable 
latenight comedy, cc (comedy central), comedy specials
bestsellers, and award-winning (books)
horror/fantasy, true crime, crime encyc 
BAMS, BASS, nature writing, buddhist
la jornada, eng/spa dictionary, modismos 
world book, wikipedia, eb dvd (brittanica)
chambers dictionary/slang/atlas 
economist, utne, nt'l geo, mad, people, psych today
religious variety (rituals, services, literature, locations)
j!, trivia cards, library trivia night
   (jeopardy archive online)
onion, joke books, standup comedy club 
visit Annette, Pat Z, W+G, Jeannine, MSJ, S+P
    (mission san jose)(steve and penny, sara and pierre)
Melissa and James
Patrick Hennessy 
Michael Helbush
visit PRTB (storage return) (pat ron theresa bruce)
St. Stephen's fb, SI reunion, UCD shields library
museums, discover and go, b of a
take bus rides (round trips)
indian rock/pow-wow/sweatlodge 
libraries, pools
go out dancing, clubbing, singles events 
meetup groups
blog, gtu, sermon archive, happiness psych
   (graduate theological union library)
aletheon, character strengths and virtues, ccc
  (catechism of the catholic church)
proust, shakespeare, bloom canon 
1001 “before you die”/ 501 must read books
same book as... (conversation topic)
   (family/friends/library book club) 
newbery award winners
gatesnotes (e.g. Enlightenment Now -S.Pinker)
literotica sex (adult headline) news weird news
gg park, people watch (golden gate)
glen park, la corneta, library
shambhala meditation (enlightened society)
bkly yoga, swim
BB, veg diet, kp healthwise hb
  (bodybuilding, vegetarian, kaiser permanente handbook)
tourist book ideas 
hike mt. Davidson (w mom)
lawrence hall of science, exploratorium 
train museums w Augie
go climb a rock, go fly a kite
bay to breakers, marathon 
sit, vegetate, do nothing, ponder navel
twiddle thumbs, breathe, be, exist, do anything 
watch tv, listen to music, meditate, nap, sleep
cirque, magic, sumo, mma, wwe 
monster trucks, rodeo, bullfight, motocross
horseshoes, lawn bowling 
hang-gliding, sky-diving, bungee jump
great america, six flags, knott's berry farm, disneyland
gun show, tattoo show
renaissance faire 
car show, dog show, tech show
beef jerkey dehydrator 
thrift stores, garage sales, flea markets
instagram (post pics) 
philosophy talk, iep  (internet encyc of philosophy)
royaneh (work party, family camp?)
south park, beavis n butthead, ren n stimpy 
simpsons, dr. katz, futurama
get crafty, go places 
sports, gymnastics, quidditch
park n rec activities
 a's, giants, niners, raiders, sharks, dogfish
geography bee 
ask a ninja
google, wikipedia, ted 
oyc, coursera (open yale courseware)
make a friend / day, get social
veg flyers 
leave cards (e.g. gtu, church bb's)
cs reading room 
go fishing
LG (magician's “like” list) (Lev Grossman)
take pictures
kp cbt class (cognitive behavioral therapy)
toys r us
hos  (hearts of space)
chinese radio (1400 AM)
youtube magic, juggling, cirque, comedy 
youtube bodybuilding motivation
martial arts, self-defense 
pixar, anime
bodybuilding.com (meal plans) 
itunes gift cards 
amc/fandango gift cards
bfc dental appt. (bkly free clinic)
monthly bfp food supply (bkly food pantry)
audit ucb class (e.g. reich) 
dog treats, water bottle
buy for dad (fluent in 3 mo's, by B. Lewis) 
cribbage, solitaire
write daily: journal, essay, poem, blog, book
read book/day, ideally
Greg + Liz family tree 
Steve's daughter, fb (Nicole)
recorded wedding? Sauer's talk 
make big bubbles
big brother, uncle jesse
law 101, by Jay M. Feinman, again
mozart's brain and fighter pilot, byrichard restak, again
whrb sunday service (harvard radio)
made museum (museum or art, digital entertainment)
prison lit volunteer 
stephen statler, mha (mental health advocates)
phone list 
email list, xmas card list
play chess, iq twist
cope army guy, wayland, and pool guy (names!)
heather mullen, serena yuen
elisa rambo, betat, jurkowski, zeff, f. reich
 leone pena, rosa bagley
hearing voices movement 
brooks chorley, wife
marci gadberry, betty, ruby 
bill gates history course 
historical landmarks
join mensa
richard stollnitz 
mr. and mrs. fiji
post on youtube 
corliss, lynn, sofia, valerie
brandi odom
bathroom readers (uncle john's)
calacademy.org, sfmoma.org
quizbowl, quizup 
psychiatrist on mission, go on mission!
Bkly shambhala center library 
reverse dictionary
wikipedia: list of internet phenomena 
kathy gill
stu finkel, reyes sacharoff
cemetary tour 
laser show?
paint julie's doors
Ken Jennings 
Craig Murray.org
blue heron 
world's religions, jesuit guide, patanjali
steve hackney 
tablets for prisoners 
dr. demento story of day
campus life: clubs, lectures, plays, music, classes 
mt. Madonna
bike across bridge
jessica archer 
dan paul, jack laws
rebecca bonneville 
sushi, thai, burmese, gyro, ethiopian, braz, bongo
self as dependent (taxes)? 
Fb pic of gimcrack
figure out digital camera 
bleach instructions
chase daily history data, albany library 
eb express events, kalx ec/cc, family flyer @library
ike's, subway, pj's, smart alec's, bagel, chipotle 
get big book series, abortion book, bible from sara
batteries, lightbulbs
other ed morrow book 
Rilo? (kathie pham, brig)
Mountain mike's
cal library: f.a., psych today, rolling stone, NG
dance! (alone, others, room, elsewhere)
pandora, phrontistery, poetry foundation, pushups
email erase 
Audio: sound machine, youtube, itunes, pandora 
radio, phone, cd's, at library, saved/purchase
update, maintenance on blog
apple store class 
sf standup w mom? Xmas gift
reply to Jack Kilmartin re: Royaneh/blog 
go to movie(s) / buy books
trader joe's (liner bags!) 
alternate sd/ma with to do list (!!)
  (self defense, martial arts)
buy new clothes
 read Annihilation, Expanse, Boy Snow Bird
re-boot okcupid 
farmer's market, community garden
internet slang dictionary
plan trip to auburn
holy hill,  glide memorial
read spanish (everything) 
seo blog again? viral? topical? Links
you don't know jack 
Big History, David Christian, “great courses”(teaching company)
library BB/MA/SD, physical/mental health
pt. Reyes, yosemite, mtn home ranch, camp mather
One More Thing, BJ Novak 
Sarah Salazar, cemetary
kp measles shot/immunization
blood type 
itunes gc purchase(s)
wells fargo appointment 
“highest calling and most noble purpose” (to love)

recent reads

i still have a long ways to go

1. Dead End in Norvelt, by Jack Gantos
 (2012 newbery award winner)

2. Best New Jokes, Geoff Tibbals
(600 pages)

3. Sisters in Law, by Linda Hirshman
(about RBG and SDOC)

4.BAMS '17 (Best American Mystery Stories)
(of the previous year, short stories)

5. Traffic, by Tom Vanderbilt
(Why we drive the way we do, and what it says about us)

6. Not Quite A Genius, by Nate Dern

7.Mega Tech, technology in 2050

8.The Best Buddhist Writing, 2005

9. Is Tiny Dancer Really Elton's Little John?, by Gavin Edwards

10. Boy Snow Bird, by Helen Oyeyemi

11. Crazy (notes on and off the couch), by Rob Dobrenski, PhD

12. Moon Over Manifest, by Clare Vanderpool (2011 Newbery winner)

13. Oneness (great principles shared by all religions), by Jeffrey Moses
(found in a "little free library," which I see a lot of, when walking)

14. Higher Power of Lucky (2007 newbery winner), by Susan Patron

15. Annihilation, by Jeff VanderMeer

(All Good! except quite a bit of the joke book, to be honest)

Science Questions

inquiring minds want to know

1. is the entire internet backed up? (saved)
2. is there an anti-Higgs?
                 an anti-graviton?
                 an anti-photon?
3. are radio waves visible?  (like the light you see in the dark)
   (i think they are, because only 1 photon is visible, and radio waves are mediated by photons)
4. is there something flawed about thinking of "outside" of spacetime?
       -isn't space and time infinite?
5. is there any research/technology yet, dealing with teleportation or time-travel?
6. is physics plural?  what is a physic?
7. in biophysics, is it possible for human psyches to be entangled?
     is entanglement common?  does it occur in brains?

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Schizophrenia Law

Personal Sovereignty of Mind

control over your mental life
telepathy, only when welcome
squishing earworms*, for example

the human mind, whether "open" or "closed", is collective / hive
channeling, dreams and thoughts and prayers (psychic)
people are "in each others' heads"
no-self, a million different people from one day to the next

*an earworm is a repeating, persistent thought (like a song, or song fragment)

the holy spirit
soul rotation
collective unconscious

silence the voice(s), block unwanted access
legal principles: privacy, property

Legal Right to Mental Privacy and Sovereignty
1. your head, your mind is YOURS (not possessed)
the right to privacy includes the right to exclude other(s) from your mind (mined?)
     including a right to silence (only your own thought/presence)

2. property: you can evict unwelcome, unwanted intruder(s) from your head

guardian angels, devil, demons, god, God, schizophrenic voice(s), sent or received prayer, global telepaths...

should be allowed (only by expressly admitted permission),
       with the right to rescind access, if unwanted
self-sovereignty, control
is EVERYone schizophrenic? I suspect the answer is yes!
Is all of humanity a collective?
is madness just being mad (vs. being tolerant of) at "someone in my head, but it's not me"
-pink floyd

"there's a little man in my head" -dead milkmen

has anything like this been addressed by jurisprudence, anywhere in the world?

Wednesday, January 31, 2018


various interpretations

authors (write)
priests (rite)
airline pilots (wright)

republicans/conservatives (right)
truth-tellers (right, correct)
   e.g. journalists, scientists, confessors
boxers (right)
drivers (right side, right-of-way, slower lanes)
lawyers (e.g human/civil "rights")
self-justifying (righteous)
    amoral (philosophy), satanist (religion), criminal (legal status)
    anarchist (no government/law), libertarian

Buddhist (if equanimity= "all good")
  it doesn't necessarily have to
  is this an enlightened perspective?

God, if all good, and everywhere; then, nothing is evil
  everything and everywhere good, all part of God's plan, heavenly

utterly sick and delusional
   (e.g. permanent universal pain) a scary thought (but pups are adorable)
   preferences and aversion (PA!)

all right
everyone is right, even if they're wrong
God is love, love believes all things (!)

1.did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side in a horrible accident?
"he's all right now"
2.be right back, left behind (as anatomical referents)

Driving and Drivers

pros and cons

gets you there, faster, personal statement and identification, comfort, convenience, safety, privacy, music/radio, income (uber, lyft, commute to work), avoid interacting with "undesirables" on public transportation.

polluting (air, noise)
   smog, breathing and lung problems
   sirens, loud music, motorcycle engines
   compacting old cars, dumping grounds, waste
   parking lots and concrete roadways (vs. nature)
   (pedestrians, bicycles, motorcycles, cars, trucks, buses)
   (driver, passengers)
hating (honking, road rage, boredom, stuck in traffic, stress)
opportunity costs
    (money better spent elsewhere, e.g. third world libraries)
    (poorer health; e.g. could've bicycled)