All things to everyone

The Perfect Being (aka, God)

Be all that you can be, says the army. Which means, play roles, as well as do everything you can (that's legal, is how I read that, myself). You could be someone different, every single day! You could try thousands of different jobs, modes of employment. All the world's a stage: acting, stepping into various people's shoes, as it were, is a fun way of being. It will expand your horizons. You can be God, the Devil, an actor, Robin Williams (who bounced around between identities often), a carpenter, a dogwalker, a gardener, a martial arts teacher... I should say that the best way to learn something is to teach it. Immerse yourself into thousands of roles, jobs, personalities, identitites, and (legal) behaviors. It's a grand way to live a life. Be everybody. Be a nobody. Try every religion. Travel. Learn many languages. Wear different kinds of clothes. Be rich, poor, powerful, weak, male, female, smart, stupid, cheerful, dour, whatever you want. Probe your limits. Live! A jack of all trades.  Take a walk on the wild side.  Or, just be yourself, lol.

Or, maybe the perfect being does one thing, really well. A perfectionist, specialized. A valued member of society. Someone who is respected, important, highly regarded, appreciated (and thus, wealthy, most likely).

Improvement and betterment come with a learning curve. You will have to make mistakes before achieving mastery. Maybe, the more mistakes, the better the ultimate result! He who makes no mistakes doesn't make anything, is the quote, I think. Embrace your humanity, welcome imperfection, and realize everybody is in the same boat, and the average IQ is only 100, lol.

God is one. One what? A human. You, as I see it. Because all of us, individually, our bodies and brains, are our own reality. Or maybe God is union, like a family, a corporation, a team, or even a sexual union. God is love, when 2 become 1, you might say. Or the mystical union of an adept or monk, perhaps in a state of meditative absorption. Or, a reader losing him or herself in a well-written and absorbing read (a kind of union with the author, no?). A religious community seeks unity in rituals, such as communion, or it's leader (say, the pope), or in shared values. The buddhist joke is the monk tells the hot dog vendor, “make me one with everything.” The muslim says there is no God but God. God is one. Is this the universe? Or, a human being, who somehow has become and is everyone/everything? All people, all space, all things. The world-soul, if you will. The interpenetration of shared mind.

Is God “all things to everyone”? Is God the devil to a satanist? Is god a grain of sand as well as an entire ocean? Is God impermanent, like everything else? Does God take sides between nations at war, or politicians debating, or sports teams in a heated rivalry, or even varied religions? It's up to you! You can believe anything you want: God is love, and love believes all things! Like a quantum computer, it holds different ideas at the same time, in superposition. F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “the test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at one time, and still retain the ability to function.” I'm thinking God holds ALL ideas in superposition, always. Does that make sense? Everything is true, including the belief that everything is false! Ha. Is all reality virtual? I don't think so. Of course, the “real reality” won't be everyone's! People are capable of some serious ignorance and delusion. Religious beliefs might not be real, but they still can make people happy! And being a part of a community is never a bad idea, right? Well, maybe you don't want to be a nazi. Maybe God is a loser, too, not just the perfect winner in the game of life, who plays chess against himself, like computers do, to learn from themselves (mental masturbation, if you will).

Jess

my name

I'm Jesse, but you can call me Jess, if you like.
a jess is a falconry term.  It's the strap that tethers a hawk or a falcon.
my name in spanish is Isai, or Jesus, or Chuy.
don't take the name of your lord in vain...
    (an alternate interpretation of one of the ten commandments)
    i didn't "take" the name.  it was "given".
but maybe I should change my name?
I mean, if you're a hawk, you need to be free of me, to be able to fly!
or maybe I can fly free, by shedding my name.
anyway,
Jesse was the father of David, in the bible.
the origin of the phrase 'tree of Jesse'
   (church windows with genealogy of christ's descent from jesse)
it means, god's gift, god makes forget, the whole office of the eucharist
jesse (4), jess (8), if you do that numerology thing.
chuy is pronounced chewy, which is a little funny
eat me, lol.  vampirism and cannibalism.  t.w.o. of eu a christ.
anyway,
there's jessant (issuing forth, like a plant), and jester (jess t)
jesse is similar to JC
jess can be short for jessica (my mom went to ICA)
   ica is immaculate conception academy.  kind of funny name.
anne rice has a vampire named jesse
acronym for see s.j. (society of jesus, aka jesuit) or sees J
J is the tenth letter, satan, say ten.
tennessee: J- esse
   esse is latin for being or eating, i  think.
   10- is.  (I'm actually 47) ( a  perfect 10? ha) (tennis)
isai is pronounce eesah-e.  there's an accent on the second i.
isa is arabic for jesus, yet another connection.
j' taime (french for i love you) JT am!
JT looks kinda like the symbol for pi
JLT evokes jailtime, jolt, jilt.  jesse with an l? jealousy 

from my chambers dictionary:
jessamine is jasmine
jessamy is jasmine or a dandy
Jesse is also a large branched church candlestick
jesserant is a splint armor
jessie is an effeminate or mamby-pamby man or boy

cars:
S10, Jetta,
saab 9-3 (my birthday), z71 (birth year)
drive me crazy

Shuhada Davitt

What does the world need to hear?

Sinead O' connor converted to Islam. Now she's Shuhada Davitt. Shoo, david! Lol.  She's learning arabic, and I guess researching whether she wants to be sunni or shia, and practicing singing the azan, the call to prayer. I'm looking forward to hearing it. I don't speak a word of arabic, though. Well, maybe a few. Bismillah Al rahman al raheem means something. Inshallah, god willing. I've listened to some recitation on itunes.  I've looked at the quran, in translation, at the bpl (berkeley public library).   Shuhada means martyrs (plural). Davitt means not O' Connor. It's irish.  Islam means submission. Allah means god. All, ah. Easy peasy. A law.   Islam, muslim, salaam, all related to slm, which is variously submission, obedience, peace, and safety.  secured and pacified. i'd rather submit to Allah than a foreign soldier trying to intimidate me with an angry dog;  not sallie mae (formerly student loan marketing), as slm can also be.  then there's also Carlos Slim, and 'slim shady'   There's St. Louis Missouri, and submarine launched missiles, and limbs (ALLAH- arm leg leg arm head!)...  is there a difference?  would a sufi ask that?  Is there a "not-God"?

God is everyone, everything, everywhere, always. The unity of reality. Sufis are the muslim mystics. Reality is a multiverse. Many realities in the One. Do all realities connect, interact?  My guess would be no. But maybe they should, and God is a concept that makes an attempt at integration. All in all is all we are, i've heard. But I don't believe that. We're all in our own heads. We're all in our own universes. We all want the best, usually the same things, for ourselves. Love.  But look at “reality”: the universe is mostly unknown, and far bigger than what we CAN know. The “known universe” is limited by the speed of light, an inability to detect the infinite beyond.

But I believe there is a degree of interpenetration, we're not entirely alone.  I believe my thoughts are not private, what most people consider prayer, I imagine, but which I think is intrusive, lack of privacy, usually.  Insanity vs. religiosity, in terms of interpretation.  Surely this thing is known.  Do you not know that you are not your own?   I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I don't know, and I'm not sure I care.  Whatever. F U. That's a University in Berlin, lol (Free University).

Actually, I do care.   I just finished The Jesuit Guide to Everything.  I just looked through it, but couldn't find what I was looking for.  But James Martin s.j. believes God can communicate with us through dreams, thoughts, feelings, rituals, sacraments, other people, etc.   Jesuits, as a rule, try to find God in all things....  cia (contemplatives in action!).   God is in the radio, tv, computer, you name it!  The world is interactive, a giant toy!  Let's pray War! remains just a card game.  Foreign Affairs has a current article titled, "Beijing's nuclear option: Why a U.S.-Chinese war could spiral out of control.'  Yikes.  I'm not sure I want to read that.  But I probably will.

Reality is all the god there ever is. 

     That's from Adi Da Samraj (founder of adidam, an interesting cult), 

I like that. If God is infinite, then of course, duh.  Although a single person could be an infinitude, all by him or herself (ever smaller).  Again, I don't know. Physicists think they do. I'm not a physicist. Planck lengths and whatnot.  My interpretation of a multiverse is psychological: multiple entities, brains, perspectives.   Have a nice day. Leave me alone. God bless. Ciao. Adios.

Hand, lamb, bully, cia, dios (god).

Ha

i.d.

God

Yo, people. God, here. Well, i'm a human being. But you probably knew that. I mean, I know English, and I have a blog. Unless I'm an alien. Honestly, I can't verify my origin, lol. You could be an alien, too. Or descended from one. Maybe white people are from Mars. Everybody knows God was made in man's image. Or maybe you look more like your mother. Man is made in God's image, too. Both, or neither, maybe. It's a giant word game. Am I mirror image of God, the opposite? But I don't look like a flying spaghetti monster. Also, maybe I'm possessed by an alien or something. Like a computer. Brains are like computers. Maybe there are computers like brains. Or I'm possessed by an alien, who is possessed by a computer, in turn. All in all is all we are, said Kurt Cobain. He's re-united with Brahman, no? I'm a soda. I'm a hat rack. But the bible says only God is good. I am good, therefore henceforth consequently! But who isn't? Almost everyone is good. Billions of gods. One God? One and infinity...it's a game of numbers, too. Religion is both right and left-brained, words and numbers. The U-niverse, a big smile. The you-niverse, you in heaven. It's cold out there. But I'm warm-hearted. Heart, earth, hater, same letters. God, dog. Devil lived. Satan santa. God is love. Loves the devil, too. I'm everyone. Now everybody's me. Jesus. Jess, u. Chuy, chew on that. Like chewbacca, or charleston chew, or bread. I do crunches. Cookies rule everything around me. Bread of life, bred a litter, words of christ in red, read jesus. And the word was god. Lechuga! You are your name made flesh. Jesse. A jess is a strap used in falconry. God is a human being, if we're being real. Jesus is dead. Unless you think of his “body” as the christian “corporation."  And, of course, any word can mean anything, if you want to get creative/legalistic.  I've stopped making sense, haven't I? lol

paper is racist

ha

black light? what the heck is that? the opposite of a white knight?

Paper is so racist. Always white. Paper is made from trees, and trees are brown! Oppression!

Don't get me wrong. White out is racist, too.

Eyes, though. Black, white, colored, everybody's got everything. A little red eye, from time to time. Brown, blue, hazel. Miley cyrus with her smiley iris. Black eyes, blue eyes, both. Ay ay, cap'n!

My eyes are blue. The deep blue see. I and I sing redemption songs. Hailie Selassie- Aye.

Eye see you.  Ay, sea yew.  ICU.  kinda weird.

White, why T?  

Black, a lack of b.  

    bless: bully nazi. 

Brown, own the cold.  

Red, read: Mother Earth Spirituality, by Ed McGaa

Green, gr in the evening

   let's have a party, there's a full moon in the sky, 

   it's the hour of the wolf and i don't want to die. 

gr  grim reaper, gilda radner, lol

   

Bless

B-less

b, be, bee
colony collapse disorder
still no Jesus (returned)
  more b, morbid

2 blessed 2b stressed
ahchoo, god bless you, salud, gazundheit (health)
may the force (2) be with you

yutu
jade rabbit, (chinese) name of the storm currently ravaging the Pacific
   (i googled what are the 11 storms between Michael and Yutu?)
         no result (re: alphabetical sequence of named storms)
   Yutu is from chinese mythology, king of the underworld
youtube, b-less
you too?  U2.  you, tu (you, familiar, in spanish)

euphoria,
b-less euphorbia (a plant: sturge, specifically)
   the burning bush?  fire=2

bra-less (Erin go bra!)
    (erin go bragh: ireland until eternity)

don't worry, be happy
be=2,5=jesus, christ
    (numerology)

blessings: etymology, derivation related to bliss, blood, and benediction (praise, worship)
more A, less B! ha
letter B: seeking words of wisdom, letter B!
    (weight of the world, walking on water: wow)
B looks like both butt n breasts

lacking a b: bag, book, bible, body, etc.

Batman's atman!!

3 very brief stories

Ned, Zorg, and Arsie

Ned

Hello, my name is Ned. I am dead. Dead Ned. I got shot in the head. Yep, that's what I said. Now I'm all red, because I bled. They laid me on the bed, and now I can't get fed, my problem can't be fixed by a med, and I'm full of lead. I'm full of dread about what comes after I'm dead. Will I be locked in a shed? Will the devil lock me up in prison with Fred and make me spread? Will I have to watch those talks -TED? Oh well, I guess I'll never wed. Ah, rose bud. My favorite sled.

Zorg

Greetings, earthlings. My name is Zorg, from the planet Zax, in the Nebulon star system. I am your new master. All will prostrate before me. Those who do not will be tortured. Now kneel. On the ground, lowly worms. A new age of servitude and splendor is about to commence. When I enter a room, all will proclaim, “hail, Zorg, king of earthlings!” Those who do not will instantly be vaporized. The earth is my new home. It is now a giant playground for me and my fellow Zaxons. We will be respected, and I will be worshipped. Have I made myself clear? Wo bu shuo zhong wen!!

Arsie

Once upon a time, there was a robot cat. It clicked and it whizzed, emitting an electronic purr, from time to time, as it's algorithms indicated. It would arch its back, and bat computer mice around, and was capable of astonishing leaps of great height, enabled by state of the art servo-mechanisms. It didn't need litter, or fancy feast – rather, it could stick it's tail into a socket and simply recharge after a long day as robo-cat. It needed weekly oiling, to keep it's joints and motors at the optimum level of maintenance. But after 18.17986 femtoseconds, its value began to depreciate, especially relative to the latest model of robotic house companion, manufactured by Robotronix incorporated, of Italy, of Doge, the robo-dog. The robodog and robocat were each programmable as to whether they would get along (or not). Robo-cats came with the option of adding a power-pack that enabled quick escapes from the predations of unfriendly beings, robotic or otherwise, when the schematics of it's environment were uploaded into its mainframe. Were they expensive? Yes, very.

Hellish Hellomean!

Happy halloween! Miserably hell-o-mean! Hahahaha.

It's a holy night. A night to blow holes in your sorry ass. Blam! Blam! Punctured, mothafucka!

What? I've got your license plate number, idiot. Your ass is the sorry one, getting raped every day in prison, punk-ass. Die, shit head. Dumb, ignorant, evil fuck.

The whale says, I have a blow hole. The faggot says, I have a blow hole, too. How big is a whale's dick? The whale says, mwaaaaaauhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhh. The faggot says, for a good time, call Moby Dick, a whale of a good time. The whale says, I “weigh all” of 150 tons. Follow me, for I am the whale, the truth, and the light! The faggot says, jesus christ! Go on a diet! The whale, says G.O.D. does not stand for going on diet. God is a borg, ever bigger, you will be assimilated. The faggot says, I like the sound of that...ass....simulated. The whale says, no idiot, just let me eat you. The fag likes the sound of that, too, then gets eaten and dies.

The end

a note:
faggot is usually derogatory, but all the terms have been appropriated, i think.
plus, faggot means a bundle of sticks, meaning fiery, that is, burning with passion.
got a fag? (cigarette), fag it (fun and games)(fox and goose)

Happy Halloween

Indifferent Universe

Morbid angel. Death machine. Blood, Evil. Vice. Murder. Satan. Lucifer. Devil. Hell. Torture. Pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish, despair. Soul damned to perdition, Revenge. GOD. Beelzebub. Jinn, Eblis, Azazel. Demon vampire undead master. War. Destruction. Screams. Atrocity. Megadeath. Annihilation. Oblivion. Hatred, rage, wrath, fury. Body count. Corpse cadaver. Frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense. Madness, Insanity. Ignorance, stupidity. Wickedness, sin, crime, depravity, turpitude, amorality. Meaninglessness. Pointless. Dagger. Cruelty, brutality, vicious violence, inhuman ruthlessness, burning alive, infliction infection infarction dysfunction, hopelessness, godlessness, indifferent universe. Demented. Eternal damnation. Decay. Iniquity, transgression. Horror. Sadistic torment. Poisons, weapons, atomic/biological/chemical agents, wmd, armageddon, apocalypse, fools, meat puppets, darkness, damnation, death, decay, despair, depravity, demons, devil, dirt, dust, destruction, dim, darth vader, dork, dummy, dope. Anxiety, panic, terror, chaos, bedlam, anarchy, mourning, sadness, depression, frozen, neutralized, hurt. Robots, things, automatons, zombies, androids, mind control, deranged, immoral, unethical, illegal, unlawful, retarded.

Islamic bdsm

Islam, iniquitous satan lucifer antichrist mephistopheles

bdsm, beelzebub devil satan mephistopheles

Wicked world war. White wait for what. Wit! Twat. Twit. Spit. Slit. Same shit. Obey. Obed.

Peekaboo, icu.    Just playing with terminology, letters, words.

christ- capitalist hannibal raging idiotic satanic torturer

buddha- butthead ugly dumb dork ha.
 Bloody urban death decay hating agony.

mohammed- modus operandi horror atrocity mindless minions evil depravity

devil- dorky evil vicious insane lout

allah- always looking lovely, almighty highness / a law /
 a lusty lover, alfred hitchcock (anne heche, anthony hopkins, etc.)

agonized lying lover approaching him /
armys of loyal lawyers always hating

fun halloween related fact: Jim Dale, the audiobook narrator for the Harry Potter series, did 134 different character voices!  That's a lot of "masks"

In a Nutshell

in a nut's hell

God and Devil, Heaven and Hell, are virtual (not real)
but most people believe in them (and souls, and angels)
so they're what I call "operative" spells
gospel is "god's spell"
halloween is "holy night"
   (something to think about at Christmas)

but love and evil are real.
right?
sex and pain sure are.

good, all-1
"sure as hell"
demons and monsters and gods and saints
spirits (Holy and otherwise)
drink spirits (huh?), drunk on love

spelling bee.
a witch casting a spell on a bee.
or a bee casting a spell on a witch!
honey, i'm home

good is communal, a community, family, etc.
   friends, lovers, spouse, corporations, teams, country, gang
bad is selfish, war,  reclusive, antisocial, hating

maybe
maybe not for everyone
i'm not sure.  i like being alone.  i like my own company.
i'm in virtual communion with netizens like you.
i'm just putting thoughts to blog, seeing what sticks-
i read myself.  a work in progress.  i like comments.
i don't care if you agree or disagree.  either is good.

corporations and countries and gangs get a bad rap
but they're not (all) (necessarily) bad
like religions

i like my religion.
i sing a song of myself.
Jesus was an atheist, absurdist.
He could forgive sin, because it's virtual, and never existed in the first place.
God is just a role.  and anyone can love, be loved.
also, he was crazy, making right good and left evil, maybe?
which gives the crucifixion a logical rationale, nailing right and left hands.
i don't think it had anything to do with the modern understanding of conservative and liberal.
the right hand being nailed might have been good, in the sense of...
1. nazi salute.
2. the devil has a right hand, too.
3. right hand is usually stronger...fight the power! revolucion!
4. god is everywhere.  justice for creating an us and them dynamic.

it's all good?
well, whatever, nevermind
devil is 4-evil (d is 4th letter), for evil..
but how could anyone be an enemy of God,
when reality is all the god there ever is?
religion is psychology, hypnosis, internal.
an enemy of god is divided against himself (suicidal)
sin is real, if you're guilty

paws, pause, positive, pa's
passion: p (ack emoticon), pee, ass, shun,
    SI (st. ignatius), on (like a light switch)
    animated, excited, enthusiastic, sexual

immortality may be a delusion,
but we can make a heaven or hell of our minds and realities, in life.
pity if/when heaven ends, but we keep building the kingdom, always and everywhere

Conscience

the little man in your head

some might call it schizophrenia-

little voice, good angel and demon, 

    “better half” (alternate meaning), god and devil

con-science, the science of convicts, prison/jail/incarceration- 

    warden, cops/police, justice system

law, morality, ethics; judges, priests, lawyers, ethicists, philosophers...

politicians, community standards (“average joe”)

good and bad, pleasure and suffering, love and hate, life and death

chess, light or dark, “war”, combat, battles. Consolation vs. desolation.

priests forgive

god is merciful

victims prosecute (vp)

time heals all wounds (thaw)

all you need is love (ayn)

karma is a law of the universe (getta klu)

left brain, right brain? 

 when giving, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing

  weird! (nonsense, imo)
can you let the right hand know about the left, though? 

"who you callin' little?!" (lol)

savage, sadistic, vindictive  v.  compassionate, merciful, forgiving

If I won the lottery

theoretical! I didn't!

Win the Lottery!

A Plan:

get lawyer (move? change name?) social security repay, dad college

buy ebike; new computer, phone, tablet; europe travel; massage;
joe frank, google AI, vacuum, air filter, clean water (drink, shower)...

keep dogwalking :-), exercise, get my own dog, BB/swim/yoga

house, car, wife, kids, hiking/camping, masters degree

blog: best of everything, syncretist religion- guest writers

powerbars, kind bars, clif bars (lol)

gym membership, swim music, bay to breakers

subscriptions to economist, FA, csmonitor, nytimes, mad, utne

move storage

Burmese, ike's, mtn mike's, sushi secrets, thai

publish blog to book

Buy library for prisoners, fund microloans (kiva, etc.),
bfc, wikipedia, procon, mfa, msf, amnesty int'l, red cross
greenpeace, world wildlife federation

all the award winners, bestsellers, most requested, and lists

masd, superbetter, yale happiness, big brother, prisonlit

visit bill gates

*solving the world's biggest problems, updated, distributed

no nukes

(berkeley free clinic, mercy for animals, medecins sans frontieres)

causes: basic need met, for all

peace (end, prevent war; foster cooperation, unity)

food, (no hunger, famine, starvation, malnutrition) (no food waste) (delicious veg)

health/msf (single payer for humanity, human right) (mother theresa)(drs w/o borders)

environment, bill gates

justice, consult vicki (tablets for prisoners?)

buy carbon offsets at airports

german efficiency recycling, worldwide

water pods, replace plastic

librarian at GTU, :-)

endorphins, distance running

family and friends

consult with other (past) winners, recommendations

move every few years.

Explore!

spend a billion!?!: research other billionaires, pope, professors, best ideas: contest? College essays?

most happiness for the dollar (drug legalization?) (adopt) (jesuit) (put money to work, kiva etc.)

Really, my first thought would be putting aside enough to pay for rent/expenses for the rest  of my life, and putting the rest to work through microloans.

foundation? anonymous?

blurb

Write a story!

So you exist. You were born a human, on planet earth. Most likely, your mom and dad had sex, and then you were conceived, inside your mother's womb. Dad's lucky, healthy sperm had a champ that got to mom's egg first. In the matrix of your mother, if you will. Nice and warm, in there. Cozy. You were once a single cell, which multiplied into the person you are now: 37.2 trillion cells, says my Alexa. You are what you eat (less what you excrete). You probably suckled on mama's teat. Mmm, milk from mother, mom, madre! That's why the letter M is used, if you were wondering, the form of your lips on the breast. Now, though, you suck on the teat of reality. You inhale life through your 5 senses (teens!). Tongue, ear, eye, nose, skin! Milk it for all it's worth. Eventually, you will die, like everyone else. Nothing is forever, everything is temporary. There is no such thing as immortality. Except oblivion. Everything becomes nothing. Even diamonds aren't forever. Welcome to the machine. Shine on, you crazy diamond. Relax, take it easy, go slow, just kick it. "You were conceived in sin and born in corruption, and pass from the stink of the didie to the stench of the shroud - there is always something" (-Robert Penn Warren). On the other hand, God is love. Your parents made love. They loved each other, and they love you. They are your Creator. Your You-niverse began with padre's penetrating penis, inside dear old 'mum. You should have warm feelings toward your parents. Dad, the CEO of your corporation, cum ecstasy orgasm, getting ahead. Your two parents, using their 3 heads, between them. Heads or tails? Yes, h-o-t! They made love, and they made you. You are love. God is love. You are God. God is good. Only God is good. God is everywhere. So everything is good. Good gawd! Trinity!

You should love yourself, love another, love your country, love humanity, love everyone, love everything, love life, love the universe, and, yes, love death, too. If you are grateful for everything, you will be in love, and that is the happiest state of being, the goal of all religions, the purpose of spirituality, the universal objective. Religion is a psychological approach, an attempt at happiness hypnosis. You come from love, and you go toward love, until you become Love. And there is nothing greater. Joy, bliss, happiness, contentment, satisfaction, elation, ecstasy, cheer, appreciation, gratitude, it's all there. Being love is being in love, being loved, and loving in return. It's a decision, constantly renewed, to keep loving a flawed reality, as it is, in all its imperfection, no matter what, unconditionally. God makes good. All error is corrected through love. God accepts you as you are. You were made perfect, and you still are, and you always will be. Don't worry, be happy.

You are a sinner? You are tempted toward evil? You hate, and resent, and wish ill on others? You are filled with spite and malice and disgust? You fantasize about torture and war and suffering and pain? You want to kill and maim and destroy, to punish and exact vengeance, to be savage and brutal and vicious and cruel? You want to crush people like bugs? You are not alone. Anger, rage, wrath, fury is part of the human condition. God made you that way. Mom and dad made you mad. God is a man of war. The art of war is deception. Lying is necessary for goodness. Only God is good. The truth is good, but so are lies. It's all good. God is in all things. Ask any Jesuit.

In my view, God is in a psy war, against war. But he isn't against war, exactly. He's FOR peace. That's the way it becomes real. The secret, if you will. Visualize whirled peas. Ha. Let love rule. Let?? Cut open the artery, and lap up that delicious, life-giving blood. God gave us the form, the structure of making a flawed reality perfect. The Mass. You eat his body, drink his blood. Cannibalism and vampirism. I bet the Jesuits might not all say so, but they will think about it, reflect on it, pray about it, and seek God's insight, the loving perspective. Praying is just psychic preying. Christians are told to be prayer warriors. But they're hoping for actual, real, physical violence, visited on the enemies of God. God's ways are a mystery. Missed stir E. Ecstasy soup. Spirituality has chew in it. So chew on that. Swallows are birds, that fly, like angels. Drink it down. God is great! Gr....eat. Grim Reaper, consuming. Delicious, yummy, tasty, satisfying flesh! Your life has meaning. It's mean. Get it?

I'm just kidding. At least I think I am. A kid is a goat. Eat a goat, not a child, okay? Not that there's really all that much difference, from a certain point of view. But the law goes a lot harder on you if you eat a human child. God may be all-knowing, but knowing the taste of baby is not something most gods approve of. If your God approves, he might have to do battle with many other Gods, who don't. I wouldn't recommend it. Just keep eating the chicken, the beef, the pork, the lamb, turkey, whatever. OR, maybe you should think of them as being your mother, like the Buddhists say. You wouldn't eat your mother, would you? Vegans get much love.

What DO I recommend? I'm figuring that out, day by day, for myself. You're on your own, but I'd guess you know best what's best for you. May the force be with you.

Decision Process

Should I stay or Should I go, now?

Hi. Been awhile. How are you? How goes? Whatcha been up to? What's new? What's the haps? What up, dawg? My friends in Portland have hired an architect to remodel their basement, to a den and a living quarters, which I plan on moving to, in Spring or later (from my current digs in Berkeley). Portland is 625 miles away. I pay $740 now, but will pay only $400, in Portland. The quarters will be bigger, not just cheaper. And Sara, Pierre, and Augie have been close friends of mine, for awhile. They're like family; my best friends, really. We went to Belize (Key Caulker) and Mexico (Oaxaca) together, in fact. I've been to Portland, staying with them for a week, and surveyed (2 of) the public libraries, a nearby gym, and of course Reed college. We went to the zoo, and meandered through a street faire, and I tried a few restaurants and cafes (coffee, pizza, donuts, burger, fruit vendor, waffles, pie). I have until November to make the final decision to move, however, so I've been compiling my pros and cons of each location. This is what I've got, so far.

Berkeley, pro

Cal (library, students, kalx radio), the GTU (library, very relaxing), Ymca (gym, discounted membership, pool), free yoga at yttp (yoga to the people), family (mom and dad in SF, nephews -ben and declan- and bro and Liz, aunts -rose marie and vicki-, and cousins), my dogs I walk and their owners (Julie and Sam and Miette -rover and taco-, Teresa and Johnny and Electra -junie and giffen, the cat-, Marlen and Austin -kaleb-), and of course the money for walking and sitting for them... It's cash, and good exercise, to boot (although it's getting a bit routine). I have a bart discount pass. Link+ at the libraries gives me access to almost anything I could possibly want to read. I've been here since December 2014, and like my room, with it's mirror wall, free wifi, and friendly roommates, including Michael, who appreciates my room and company in what he calls a “salon,” making use of my alexa, trivia cards, economist magazine subscription, books, and futon. My rent is a good deal, especially in light of current bay area housing costs. My roommates mostly speak Spanish, which I can speak, but not at a very high level (I took 4 years of hs, minored at UCD, but that was 25 years ago). Kaiser is nearby, as is MHA (mental health advocates), and the SSA office. I have the option to earn much more from Wag! (as a wagwalker, with the app on my phone). Free food. Excellent weather. Comfort. Ike's, mountain mike's, sushi secrets, bfc (free clinic), los pericos (pastor tacos). Gnc, papajohns. All my stuff n shit.

Portland, pro

340 extra cash per month (over 4 thousand dollars per year), new and exciting -a change, variety, stimulating; close to good , long-time, friends. Augie and I enjoy each other. KP and Wag are there, too. Bigger quarters, gym, Reed, a museum, zoo, train museums, lots of parks, libraries, and nice weather. Quirky people. Safer, maybe. Parents will visit. I can bus or train if I like, not just fly. Greg will help out with visits back to bay area. Facetime? A big place to explore. Eager for change. Fun place, new friends. Better me!?

Bkly, con

homeless / sketchy element. Gunshots, scary Bart. Getting routine. Not using gym, yoga.  Annoying people.  Kaleb is a 40m bike ride away.  Not living up to my own expectations (etb, etr). BB, masd, swim, yoga, book/day, etc. Time for a change.   Earthquake threat.

Portland, con

not as nice weather. Rain, snow. Far from family. Possibly couldn't move back (pricey bay area). Less Ben. Might need to work, there. Rut? Could I move out? More -or less- social? Traffic.

Questions: ymca? Pool? Cost of amtrak, greyhound. Pro cuddler? Masd for Reed? $ salon? Churches? Dental... babysitting. Inheritance. Light / air, downstairs. Blog!? (psychesphere!) healthier?

Live and Learn

Preferences

likes and dislikes, pro and con, for and against, positive and negative, wanted and unwanted,

good and bad, delight and suffering, attachments and aversions, love and hate, contentment and dukkha

right and wrong, moral and immoral, praised and criminal, encouraged and discouraged,

ethical and unethical, virtuous and evil, peace and war, joy and depression, healthy and sick

sane and insane, enlightened and ignorant, truth and delusion, happiness and dejection, wealth and poverty, honesty and deception, support and discouragement, yes and no!, social and antisocial

integrity and corruption, forgiving and ruthless, freedom and slavery, depravity and probity

equanimity, compassion, acceptance, sympathy and empathy, comprehension, understanding , tolerance, respect, one with everything, bliss

all good, all right

everything, everyone, everywhere, always

clarity and confusion, omniscience and absolute ignorance (AI)

thesis, antithesis, synthesis. Dialectic. Process. Progressive, evolution.

Betterment, improvement, development

paradise, heaven, utopia, shangrila, shambala, elysium, the kingdom
comfort, life, alive!

Current Reading

just finished 6

Lucky Breaks
Lucky for Good (sequels to Higher Power of Lucky)
      by Susan Patron (HPL is the newbery winner '07)

Neverwhere
Interworld
        by Neil Gaiman
    (his Graveyard Book was the newbery winner '09)

From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
         by E.L. Konigsburg (newbery winner '68)

1001 Songs to hear/ 10,001 to download
      Robert Dimery, editor
       (Fun to use with my Amazon Echo)

Now I'm reading:
A Philosophical Investigation, by Philip Kerr

also,
just finished The Jesuit Guide to (almost) Everything,
   by James Martin, s.j.
(my roommate read it, too)(so did my mom)