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Welcome!

I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 51) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 2200 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Insecticity

Because David is a bug

"voices" (still going, I know):
aka "auditory hallucinations," telepathy, or dae-dreaming
"someone's in my head, but it's not me" -pink floyd
from my "source"- (voice, headshocks, chestpains: possessed)
David A. Eldridge, dag (deputy attorney general)
acronyms: dag ridded evil, degraded livid
leave me alone, David. 
stfu, and stop invading my privacy!
you are unwelcome and evicted from my head
don't talk to me
stop being a criminal
and don't hurt me anymore, either
thankyou

v's:
you're a doctor, jess
that is your soul crazy
jess you've got a lot of life
do you know what you are? you're as free as can be
i can't fucking handle it jesse
david has got major obscene amounts of problems
david is giving up, jesse
david so utterly sad, jesse
i am utterly obscene
fucking ow, jesse
i can't help you, jesse
i'm basically trying apocalypse the jew; see what they say
you have the power of an exorcist
i'm almost sad that you write anything, because you're LAW
you have the work at all
jesse i'm fucking crazed at how you are
you think i'm me but really i'm someone else entirely
you're a victim of my trying to be right
people are DEAD jesse
i can't even breathe
i can't see what it is that makes you law
i'm evil, Jesse
you belong in a world of leadership, jesse
i hate law
i need help, jesse
you belong in new york, jesse
he's wondering if you're really the devil
jess you're a freak at law

Friday, September 23, 2016

Recent Thoughts

stupid and smart

smart products:
smart car/ mg (mentally gifted)/ toyota iQ
smart-phone/ apple genius,
smarties (candy), smart water, smartmop
SMART center (San Mateo Adult Resource n Training)
intel inside
dihydrogen monoxide: you should be getting 2.2 to 3.0 Liters/day

dumb synonyms
stupid, ignorant, uneducated, incurious
ignant ignoramus!
idiot, imbecile, fool, moron, dipshit, dimwit, retard

christlike
don't take the name of the lord in vain: Jesse, je suis, JC
JZ, Jess, see s.j., Chuy (pronounced 'chewy'), Isai (I, Isa)
Jesus, hey Zeus

'gesellen' means 'joined' in German.  Jess+Ellen, once upon a time.
excellent (ET)
Sara: sincerity, ceremony, cerebellum, triceratops,
    seraphim, coursera, saracens, sarawak
(Teshara: the Sara)(k sera sera)

SA on KT n KG LN

sick: smart intelligent caring kind
bad: birth and death, Beginning And enD
pain: pa in (get out, dad)
mad: mom and dad
lord: life or death, light or dark
   LN or David

caring: car-ing.  cairns and Karen.
your dad is a motherfucker
your luvs are full of shit
I eat the kind, drink the smart (bars, water!)
masturbate: go fuck yourself
vacuums suck, wind blows, jaws bite
your cat is a pussy
i'm just kidding about your young goat being your kid
your female dog is a bitch
i am a bastard (child born out of wedlock)
don't call my fraternity a frat!  would you call your country a cunt?
privates in the army: dicks, assholes, pussies
excepting some limbless, we are all armed (and dangerous)
i have ears, i hear voices (o-vices?)
vice president, president of vice

anagrams
britney spears: presbyterians
hillary clinton: only i can thrill
santa, satan
devil, lived
god, dog (dog is my co-pilot)
heart, hater, earth
david eldridge, dag ridded evil, degraded livid

logic
God is a man of war.  The art of war is deception.  Hence, God is a liar.
God created man, Man created God (chicken and egg)
God is a way of endowing your convictions with greater authority
God is love.  Love believes all things.  Therefore...

elf: everyone lives forever
danny elfman, in oingo boingo, sang No one lives forever! hey!

some g.o.d.'s:
garden of delights
grand old duke of york, he had ten thousand men...
game of death
good orderly direction
god or devil
good or diabolical
goodness of death
good old devil

Thursday, September 22, 2016

My Day, by Jesse Teshara

Daily Routine

early to bed, early to rise:
2 alarms (alarm clock/kitchen timer)
make bed (fold futon into couch, fold blankets, place 4 pillows)
move tack (to vitamin C & omega-3, in morning)
fill brita pitcher, make oatmeal, coffee, gnc protein
bathroom (brush, shave, excrete)
whrb jazz on cordless headphones, stretch, history
     history (4): 1.grim reaper's book of days, 2.today in history,
                        3. wikipedia, 4. farlex dictionary
gym (slb: swim, lift, bike), shower
     -yoga (yttp: yoga to the people, donation-based/free)
      -exercise at home (8)(shakes, pushups, bent row, arnold press,
         tricep extension, planks, passes, bicycle crunches)
read: book/day*, (daily) new york times, (weekly) economist
nap, meditatate, music
    music: itunes (whrb, wprb, wmbr, kalx, kdvs, kcpr, kzsu, kzsc,
                  gdradio, clave); also: pandora, youtube, cd's, fm radio
money (dogwalking)
computer:
  blog, e-mail, research, news (feel the b.e.r.n.)
   blog: god's blog, the jesse journal (this)
   email: family/friends, delancey, poem, trivia, vocab, wapo202
   research: google, ted, J!archive, wikipedia, oyc
   news: onion, csmonitor, berkeleyside, facebook, wikipedia
     (maybe huffpo, cnn, flipboard, apple news, as well)
     spanish: yahoo on phone (with useful highlight-spanish dictionary)
  Plus: youtube, jokes/standup, instagram, pinterest, okcupid
           foreign affairs (through berkeley public library website)
lunch, dinner (veget, BB, tupperware)
meds, move tack to wall (to indicate olanzapine and risperidone, taken)
8 hour sleep (9:30p to 5:30a)

*Reading (not book/day, but that's still the ideal i hope to get to!)
Recent Reads:
1.The Buried Giant, by Kazuo Ishiguro (his latest)
2.Who Rules the World, by Noam Chomsky (2016)
3.Failed States (reading now), by Chomsky (2006)
on deck:
4.What Kind of Creatures Are We?, by N. Chomsky (2015)
5.The Box, by Marc Levinson
6.(gift for birthday: What the Dog Knows, by Cat Warren)

Sunday, September 11, 2016

ace theist

Atheism

Ace theism. Hate-ism. His team. The very same. God is love, but God is also a man of war, and the art of war is deception. So, the reality is God is all about hate and vengeance, visited upon sinners. The prince of peace came to bring the sword.  The bloodthirsty need to find peace, satisfaction, release.  Religion becomes a justification for criminality.  A drug crime: It's the opiate of the masses.  There's crime, but there's also sin, breaking God's law. You can obey all laws, but you can't escape sin. Original sin, I would surmise, is breaking the buddhist injunction to escape samsara, that is, rebirth. Childbirth is suffering, and every baby is destined to suffer and die, in turn.  Lord is a word for life or death, light or darkness. “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord.” The lord God is a dark lord. An act of God is a natural disaster. Nature is Creation, but also Destruction. Corpses feed worms and flies, push up daisies, if not feed cannibals. The immortality of Christ, the continuance of Christianity, the life of the Church, is dependent on the sacrament of the Eucharist, the vampirism and cannibalism ordained by God, because we are what we eat (eu a christ), requiring the sacrifice that creates cum-union. The line between virtue and sin is blurred, for God. That's why it's called a mystery. God is incapable of doing evil. God is the Game of Death, and Go, Devil, and Guns or Drugs. There is no evil. Everyone deserves to die. God is everywhere, knows all, so He is the devil, too. God created the devil. Devil is 4-evil (antichrist=4). God is good, you say. But it's all good. Evil is good, too, you might say. It's an opportunity to make good. It'd be a boring world without problems for him to fix.  God is love, and love is good, even if it's loving the devil. Go out to love and serve the lord, the priests say.  Choose the light or darks side of the force.  Making love is making pleasure, making a baby, making God. Sex creates resentment, jealousy, anger, and even violence, by those without. Nothing puts lovers in the mood more than violence, threat, insecurity, and the consequent need to cling to one another and protect each other, us against the world. Good doesn't exist without Evil, just as shadow depends on light. Heaven only exists in contrast to hell. Pleasure is made in contrast to pain. They're two sides of the same coin. Jesus was all about right vs. left, good vs. evil, virtue vs. sin, love vs. hate, the full human experience, dying for All, of all persuasions. God is love, love believes all things, and all things include atheism, satanism, agnosticism, even antichrist. The angel of death, father time, the lord – all Death. God is love, which depends on death. There would be no love without death. We are all reproduction machines, programmed by our DNA to have sex before we die. Created by and for love. Death instigates love. We all want love, are dying for love. God is the creator, and destruction creates. Passion refers to both sex and the crucifixion. Guns and roses, love and rockets, yin and yang, black and white, male and female, sharpen the appetite, which produces life. We subsist on life. Dead plants make living animals. Vegetarian or carnivore, you're both killers. Sacrifices must be made to sustain life. Thou shalt not kill? Impossible. Everyone is a sinner, there is not One who does not sin, the wages of sin is death. Everyone dies. Even God. God is dead. God is undead. God is alive. God is all, ah. Aha! Without God, all things are permitted. Do what thou wilt. Don't get caught. The police are fishers of men. God is always and everywhere, in life and death, light and darkness, love and despair, theism and atheism.

He's tricky. So many names, definitions, spells, memes, concepts. Reality is all the God there ever is (if you're a pantheist). An object of worship (a thing? Like an idol?). Perfect and All-Loving (pal) (and yet the creator of hell?). Creator and Ruler (car) (yet permitting SMALBED- satan, mephistopheles, antichrist, lucifer, beelzebub, evil, devil). Permitting and allowing all to ow. Thought to control some part of Nature or Reality, having supernatural powers and attributes, believed in and worshipped by a people (but really just an ordinary man, as Godly as anyone else; superhuman: a super human!). The Supreme Being and poof (principal object of faith). Supreme, like a pizza. Omniscient (knowing all, in the biblical sense: we're all fuct).  God doesn't exist, because no commonly agreed meaning of God exists!  Only God is good?  Must everything be evil for an atheist?  Maybe God doesn't believe in Himself, is an atheist, has his lifetime moment of doubt.  What do You say, dear reader/god?

Please note that I, God, am not advocating, nor will I ever advocate, even if life is hell, drinking the grape koolaid, okay?  I don't like saying "allright", even if sometimes I reach the conclusion it's all good and I shouldn't be a hater.  Suicide is not the answer.  War and killing and torture is not the answer.  Capital Punishment is not the answer.  Abortion is not the answer.  Drugs are not the answer.  Everyone says love is the answer.  What was the question?:  What's "the way?"  Oh, the absence of suffering, and the presence of happiness.  I'm not sure love is really the answer, though, actually.  It seems to imply loving the devil, loving hell, loving everyone - a tall order.  For me, I think friends and humor and nature and music and books and service and money and equanimity and good food and exercise endorphins are a kind of composite answer.  But I hope to throw love into the mix, someday.  Do what you gotta do.  Making mistakes is part of life, the learning curve, the "way."  (That's the sense in which it's all right).  What floats your boat?   A sea of blood?  Or peace, love, and harmony.  Maybe a good aikido battle/draw!

g.o.d.
get out, devil/demon/david
pain=pa in.  get out, dad

Saturday, September 10, 2016

My 9/3 birthday

I was born in '71.  I'm 45.

I share my birthday with:

Ferdinand Porsche
Whitey Bulger
Albert DeSalvo
Malcolm Gladwell
Charlie Sheen
Shaun White

those are the only ones I recognized.
Steve Jones, from the Sex Pistols/Iggy Pop, also. (s.j.!)

MM

More Me

So, ya, I'm God. I like to think I am. I play the role. It takes over my mind, perfects my life, informs my writing, and gives my life meaning. Maybe it provides a service.  I want to be good, better, best. Maybe I will emerge, escape, from mental illness, and become well, in time. That's my hope. It happens! Symptom remission: no voices, chest pains, head shocks, teeth taps, feeling possessed and monitored and controlled.  No need for a constant dialog with the voice in my head. Self-possessed, sane, and recovered. And physically fit, strong, and healthy, from good nutrition and daily exercise. I have a gym membership, and a job that demands 2 hours of cardio, 5 days a week (at least). My blog keeps me grounded, keeps me connected to family as well as strangers, and can be a bit humorous, too (although I take it seriously, for the most part). I'm drinking beer, taking less medication, and eating protein powder, oatmeal, fruit, and a mostly vegetarian diet, along with my morning omega 3 fish oil capsules and vitamin c. I'm also looking for work that I enjoy, that maybe could be a passion that pays the bills. Kaiser membership, meds, and my monthly disability check from Social Security (that pays most my rent) would need to be payed for, if and when I become sane. I'm not sure what all that is worth and would require. I believe I have the talent and potential to surpass it, and live comfortably, with added quality of life that includes travel, if not house/wife/kids/car.   I mean, I'm God, lol.   But I'm happy where I am, and not all that motivated, though, to be honest. I like my freedom. But maybe I could be both richer AND happier, in addition to SANE. What should I do?

Possible employment includes professional cuddler, reading and recording audiobooks, coordinating prison reading (tablets, audiobooks, education, job training, and peaceful self-defense, for example), and going back to being a hotel bellhop. I would still like to walk dogs, on the side, I think. I also would like to be an author. I mostly just write about myself and my madness, on my blog. If I could read my literature lists and get paid for it, that would be ideal. There are movie and book and restaurant critics who get to indulge their passions, people like Rick Steves who get paid to travel, and of course The President who gets paid to be the most powerful person on earth! There's lottery winners, and people with inheritance, and people like Bill Gates and the Waltons with ungodly amounts of money, for whom money will never be a problem, having amassed a hoard in the past that is sufficient for their entire futures. I love music. I love books. I love nature. I love writing. I was an International Relations major in college, I speak Spanish, and long to get back to swimming, yoga, and aikido. I like dating, too. I have a sense of humor. I will always have food and shelter, I believe/hope. So what should I do? I have too much to do, even without getting paid! Well, sanity would be a great gift from the gods. I would be glad to repay society for freedom from mental illness, if I remain in comfort and am doing something I enjoy. I would like to lead nature hikes. I like kids. I would like to be an exercise partner. I would love to read lots and lots of children's literature. I would love to be a successful vegetarian bodybuilder. I want to master Spanish. I want to fall in love, or is love overrated. At least I love myself.  Maybe I don't know what true love is.  Sad thing, for a God.

Maybe madness IS sane. The world is mad, and I have comfort, reading and writing and exercising, that keeps me busy and happy, already, now. Ugh. I'm a bit of a loner, and keep good company with myself. I have a routine, a ritual, and a sense of purpose and meaning, which actually incorporates the voice, although irritating, as a possible aid to society, if I deal with it intelligently and with maturity. I don't want to be a devil's pawn, however, and would just as soon be done with the madness. 

I've settled into a solitary routine, except of course with the dogs I walk and the occasional playing with my nephew Benjamin, or Augustus, that I enjoy. Kaiser offers free lunch twice a week, and I get some satisfaction participating in the “wellness club,” although I mostly end up thinking others are stupid, messed up, and boring (including the staff, and not just the participants). We can't all be perfect, lol. I hate David. My family can be annoying.  Christians are mostly deluded. Politics is getting fucking retarded. I shouldn't have to drink alcohol or take medication. I am a good person, and shouldn't have to deal with the sheer quantity of shit that gets shoveled on me. F- you, world. Leave me alone, you f-ing 'tards.  Gr.  (I know that isn't politically correct.  I don't care.  I can be retarded, too.) Or is being alone the problem?

Some Stuff

A Bit 'Bout Me

Hi, I'm Jesse. Jesse Teshara. One of them. Google says there's another. Specifically, I'm the Jesse Lawrence Teshara. But I am not my name. I am my body. My body's name is JLT. A rose is a rose by any other name. I have an aunt Rose. She's a nun. Aunty-Christ. My God-father was Dick (Richard). Glad to meet you. I am God. I am. Je suis. You can call me Jess. Jesse means “God makes forget” and “The Whole Office of the Eucharist.” My name in Spanish is Isai, Jesus, and Chuy. That's pronounced Eesa-e, Hey Zeus, and Chewy. The eucharistic wafer IS chewy. Eucharist can be rearranged to Eu a christ. You are what you eat (less what you excrete). Maybe you shit the devil (the devil IS a piece of shit!). Jesus sums to 2, in numerology: 10, 5, 19, 21, 19. That's 1,5,1,3,1. You sum the sums, so 11 becomes 2. The Whole Office=T.W.O. Christ is 5, like E. Every word sums to a number from 1 to 9, which gives some added meaning to Summer. Isai? I, Isa. Isa is Jesus in Arabic. Jesse is an anagram for see s.j. (society of jesus, the jesuits). Teshara can be 'as earth'. So I'm “Jesus as earth.” I'm a part of the christian conspiracy! Jay Zee and jazzy and jizzy for example. Jose and Josie and Jest works, too. JLT stands for jolt, jilt, jailtime. JT is similar to the pi symbol. J is the tenth letter. Satan is say, ten. WWJD? Jesse would write! A nightly rite of right writing. The letter J unifies Satan with Jesus. L is the twelfth letter, like the disciples/apostles/tribes. Or the knight, in chess. Lawrence is my dad's name. He goes by Mr. T.  Hilarity.  Larry has a brother, who is my Uncle Tom. No kidding! I'm a Big Brother, too. Greg is GLT, like the volvo. I was born on 9-3, like the saab. My mom is Peggy T, like Egypt, or PG&E, or the PT Cruiser. T is like a cross. Teshara is pronounced T'share uh. The Holy See is in fact a Jesuit. I grew up in San Francisco. I went to St. Ignatius (college preparatory). SI was the founder of the Jesuit order. So that's the connection with pope Francis, and see S.J. 

Jesse Lawrence Teshara is an anagram for 'ace wrathless sane jeer'. The world is mad, and I'm an ace at wrathlessly jeering it. You may have forgotten that I am God. That's okay, because you are, too. You ate the host, and so now you're Christ. Christ just means annointed with oil. You can also make yourself Christ with some olive oil, any time you like. And have a hostess cupcake for dessert. If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why are they made of meat? Meet your mate, team. Jesse, Jess-see, JC. Isai, two i's to C with (Chuy). My mom goes to Mass nearly every day. Ma, Te. Mom, Jesus Christ! She bakes a lot of chicken. (Chickens illustrate heaven – ave hen!) The heavenly afterlife is in on the tastebuds and stomachs of us diners who enjoyed consuming their flesh. El pollo loco! (crazy good chicken!) ATE is, in fact, 8. God is 8. H is the eighth letter. Allah, all a H. Reality is all the God there ever is. I'm trying to be more vegetarian. Did you know they call Harris Ranch “cowshwitz”? I'll get my angel's wings when my flesh is consumed by flies, after I die. And I'll be eaten by worms, too, no doubt. We're all white, in our bones! We're all God because we are the principal architects of our own happiness, we're love (god -the love of our parents, the creators- made us), we believe all things (including atheism), god is everywhere so there is no one and nothing that is not God, god is all powerful and the most powerful act is murder and god is a man of war and there is a time to kill and vengeance is mine sayeth the lord (life or death) and the wages of sin is death and there is no one who does not sin, and we're all killers in our hearts (anagram of haters), which need blood to survive. Vampire, by the way, is I.m.a. Perv. Christians drink the blood of Christ. Blood fetish is in fact perverted, I'd say. Love is a heart, in the same way that Allah is all. There is no God but God, the recitation says. God is a man of war, and the art of war is deception. Theology is the study of THE (tee-hee!). Perhaps the prince of peace came to bring the sword. The U.S. Presidential election is almost upon us, so don't let the left hand know what the right is doing. The righteous right and the loco left. The loving left and the really rong right. Chuy is Chewbacca from Star Wars, and Riddle is Voldemort (lord move T) in the Harry Potter books, and Tennessee is very J-esse, and my left ankle doesn't bend, which is sinister and sinful and leftious. I'm adopted, and therefore pro-life, and Annette V Riddle is my birthmother. She's diagnosed as schizophrenic, too. Sarah Salazar was my sister. Gnosis.

Hi
Hello. Hell low. Hi. High. You're probably aware of this subliminal content behind the familiar greetings, no? The words have the same denotation, but different connotations. Hello is more cold, while hi is warmer, more familiar -which is weird, because hell is supposed to be a place of fire, while high elevations are colder, sometimes snowy (despite being closer to the sun). Saying hello isn't hellish, and saying hi doesn't necessarily evoke an emotional surge of what I like to call “oogies” of joy (although they could). They are dry, formal, preliminary, perfunctory, and prompt no further reflection. 

      But conceptually, intellectually, rationally, our greeting-words inject a layer of religious meaning into everyday language. Even “Yo!” evokes the up and down of a yo-yo, which could further permute into higher and lower moods, if not the actual descent into hell or ascent into heaven. Happiness IS heaven, misery a form of hell. Bank accounts swell or dwindle, causing elation or depression. The center of the earth IS hot, they say. The darkness below, where most of us will go. As a child, you look up to others. But not when you're dead, even if you're underground. You won't even see black. If you're superior, you look down on people, as if from heaven above, your head in the clouds, high and happy, light and airy, as if on H. Big, important you. You were favored by God, you were better than those little people, those muppets, those hobbits. Flying high in the sky, like a bird, an angel, superman, a dreamer. A pilot, a passenger. On cloud 9, on your spaceship, on the moon, on another planet, in another universe. God: Genius or dumb, giddy or dejected/grim or delighted, great or diminutive, good or depraved, glorious or debased, guns or drugs, god or devil, going or dead.

      Goodbye in spanish is 'adios' (to god), which does the same thing, except at the end of interaction (as if the end of talking were the end of our lives). Even the word 'good' is one letter from 'god.' God with an O is good. Apparently, god with an orgasm, or, alternatively, god plus offense, makes God good, the words seem to be telling us. God is good, the “good book” says, so removing an O from goodness (whatever that means: oh, no more owe! Pay thy debts*) is also godly. “A Dios” is 'to God' for both the speaker and the one spoken to (although it could be intended for only one). To good things, or to better things. Or to others, who are equally Godly. If God is good (the bible says “only” God is good!), then going to Him (or Her) is good news, although it could be seen to imply you weren't with him already, even if God is everywhere, as some theologians say. God is also the source of all goodness, I've heard said. So get going, finish your conversation, and be on your merry way, as brevity is virtuous! Why? To God! Because the source of all goodness is your destination! Better to get where you're going, than tarry in your sinful situation and steps. Death is the ultimate destination, the last stop, on this train ride from human interaction to interaction, from one to another, and so on, for up to 122 years, if you get really lucky. Re-uniting with Brahman awaits. To dust you shall return.

     Does all this reflection recommend one particular greeting over another? Maybe I should stick with just hello: 'high' reminds me of high school, or drugs, or elevation and ascent, which have little to do with happiness or heaven. School can be a pain. Drughs can be hellish. Trudging up mountains might not be worth the view. But the heavens are up. More than one heaven. As bugs bunny said, what's up doc? Well, the opposite direction from gravity. Down is up, if you keep going! If you're going through hell, keep going, to quote a friend from facebook. It's a long, hard road, out of hell, sings the Spawn soundtrack. Sex has its ups and downs. I don't believe in any afterlife, heavenly, hellish, or otherwise. I don't think you should, either. Once you're dead, that's it: kaput. It's the universal fate for all life that ever lived (and, I believe, that ever will). Reincarnation is also a ridiculous, outdated concept. What in tarnation is reincarnation? Carnations are flowers. America is a car nation. But reincarnation is just gibberish. You are your body, and only your body. Souls don't exist. The soles on your feet do, as do the fish, but there is no ghost inhabiting your body that will live on after you. Avatar is only a movie. You will give up the ghost with your last breath, and maybe the butterfly effect will make it into a hurricane. An act of God might be pleasant to hope for, if you want your life to have made a difference. Addition, subtraction. Dead hurricane victims. Living progeny. You'll be dead forever, but you could still live on through art, writings, children, legacy. 

      Maybe you find this truth refreshing, and reading the counterpoint to erroneous religious dogma makes you happy. Or, on the other hand, you find being reminded of mortality sad and depressing, and you don't want to think about it: You'd rather live forever. Or, both, simultaneously; the hellish depression and the heavenly high cancel each other out. So hello and hi are just simple greetings, with no other meaning in them. Meaning itself is a weird word: it seems to say the average human is cruel, the mean is mean, and that words themselves could be sinister in themselves. Hopefully we all have kind words for each other. Hola, Adios. Ha! Word to your mother, dawg. Ward, were d, warred; made of letters (every word made of little blood-letting vampires? 26 english vampires!); spelling (casting spells!).

     I was diagnosed as bipolar once; So, this hi and lo business is a fitting opening. Bipolar disorder was once called manic depression. You may have heard the Jimi Hendrix song about it. I am not my disease. I am not even my name. My name is Jesse. No I. Jesse, like Jackson, James, Owens, Helms, Ventura. You can call me Jess. I am a man. Not Jessica, or Jessie. You could say I am my name, but actually, I am my body. My body is called Jesse. I can change my name, just as I can change my body. One has no relation to the other. Well, I know that's not strictly true. People with A's in their names are better students, I read somewhere, for example. But I'm not sure names SHOULD affect bodies. Don't take the name of the lord your God in vain. Jesse? I didn't take it, I was given it! I won't take H in my veins, I think, though.

God money-
Adios, to god: to One (2,1=3, trinity, holy trinity of holes, map, mouth anus vagina)
God is one, an anagram of money is 'my one': so money is 'my god'
Goodbye=good buy
omg=oh my god, O my god (offense, orgasm, oliver)
or owe my god, or God is good without an owe.