Vampires!

All about the fanged

A vampire is a kind of demon, and demons are considered bad, unless you ARE a demon in which bad is good (and perhaps good is bad). Actually, bad doesn't quite cover it (demonity). Bad is just something you don't like, and one person's bad is another's good, such as with masochists and pain, or kleptomaniacs and theft, or compulsive liars and truth. Demons are evil.

Evil is the more universal bad, considered by (nearly) all to be wicked or wrong or sinful. Of course, a belief in sin requires a belief in a universal theistic morality, which requires a belief in God, for there to consequently be a God's law, and therefore a reward in heaven or punishment in hell. Satan is the lord of hell, and presumably he enjoys it. For vampires, hell is heaven. The bite is ecstasy. I believe God should be seen as just a metaphor for universal wisdom, or truth, and disobeying "Him" results in suffering, as opposed to God being an actual entity. "Eternal" torment could just mean for the remainder of your life, being forced to live divorced from love, having been bitten and made into a vampire. Buddhism doesn't require a belief in God, it just sets out a path and principles for happiness. Consensus reality/morality, largely defined by religion, gives us our sense of good and evil. We eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, which includes the various legal codes, as well as our parents and peers during our upbringing.

But I don't believe there is an objective good and evil. I have my own morality, and everyone has a right to fight for what they believe. I believe evil is derived from pain. But some people like pain. Lawyers are often called vampires. I've been called a vampire (by a lawyer). He's homosexual, though, and vampire anagrams to 'I'm a perv'.

In any case, most people want to feel alive while they live, and vampires, like zombies, are a kind of living dead: the UNdead. Life is defined as being able to procreate, it's the purpose of life for many of us, but many of us can't. These people might as well be dead, evolutionarily. Those who don't procreate, like gays, are like moving rocks. They're animated dust, and dirt is dead. Vampires can be sexy, though. Orgasm is the "little death." Some even have blood fetishes.

A vampire is defined as a revenant that rises from his grave at night to feed on the blood of the living. We've all seen Buffy and Dracula. Hannibal Lecter was called a vampire. They are said to have superhuman abilities like speed, strength, cunning, hypnosis, night vision, flying, turning to mist or bats or wolves, climbing like spiderman, and, of course, immortality. But we all know, as Oingo Boingo sings, "no one lives forever." Even if you drink blood every night for the rest of your life, or subsist on nothing else, you will still die. I believe everyone dies, there is no immortality, no reincarnation, no paradise or hell (after death), even if you are extremely good or extremely bad. We all have the same fate. Jesus and Hitler are both just dust, and were, while they were alive. A vampire is just one step up from zombie. They're both revenants, and predators, and undead. Vampires, though, are more like us, cultured, sophisticated, hypnotic, sexy. Undead is just another way of saying alive. Therefore, we are all zombies and vampires.

Ideas live on, and Christianity and Naziism have influenced our world. There are between 1.5-2.1B Christians in the world (about 33%, it is said; interestingly enough- Jesus lived to around age 33), and World War II killed over 60M people. The vampire idea has some currency. People see violence and crime shows on tv, and think being superhuman and murderous might be exciting, as a kind of chess game with the police. Christianity can be hard to accept, and many would rather believe the truth than a lie (even if believing lies makes you happier). Vampires are depicted as devil's minions, antichrists, amoral or immoral predators, whereas Jesus sacrificed himself for all of us, to save us from sin, whether that be interpreted as others' sin or our own. We Christians ritually and symbolically (some might say literally) drink Jesus' blood so we can become good while being (subconsciously?) our most predatory, as cannibals and vampires.

There's this idea of psychic vampires, who drain people of energy and vitality, or 'prana', the life force. They drink our lightheartedness, as dour evil dark black holes that suck up our happiness. Their delight is our death and suffering. They get in your head and drain you of your will to live. Vampires are supposedly averse to crosses and sunlight and garlic. Crosses make vampires cross. That makes Jesus the vampire's vampire, one who drains life from the drainers themselves. Drinking Jesus, then, is drinking vampire blood. Christians drink the once-removed blood of those who drain them, while not becoming evil like their tormentors.

Jesus said he was the son (of Man), which is a homonym for sun. He said he was the "light of the world." He cured blindness and bestowed enlightenment and was bright, even brilliant, if not the brightest (omniscient?) in his own time. As Sarah McLachlan sings, the "dark side's light." Jesus was a mean s.o.b. He killed a fig tree for not having figs on it for him when he was hungry. Drinking Jesus, then, fills us with light, banishes the dark homicidal/ suicidal thanatos (the death instinct), symbolically at least. Food is matter is energy is light, though. Like sole fillets. Sol means sun in spanish, and sounds like "soul," which ties up all the energy mysticism with language itself. His apostles spoke in tongues, and there is definitely some linguistic weirdness associated with Jesus, like the letter T as a cross, or Y being the 25th letter (Jesus=2, Christ=5), a letter which looks like Jesus on the cross. Jesus doesn't have a last name. Did you know that Christ just means annointed? You can go to your kitchen right now and make yourself Christ with some olive oil. As for garlic, it's a blood thinner, used in Italy, a Catholic country. Garlic (719393) also sums to 5, like Christ (389912). The power of garlic compels you.

Anyway, vampires are undead revenants, made not begotten, who rise from the grave each night to drink the blood of the living, possibly with retractable fangs, having to return to their grave (or someplace else dark) by sunrise because they are sunlight averse. They are also averse to crosses and crucifixes, holy water, and garlic. They can be killed with stakes to the heart, beheading, fire, and perhaps the death of their master. Other than that, they are immortal. These dark, bloodthirsty creatures have a need to kill to survive like so many animals on our planet do, and their beastly reputation preceeds them. They are said to not cast a reflection. Rumors of superhuman abilities overlap with what the most capable villains can really do. Humans are animals, too, of course, but we generally don't feed on our own kind. To get away with their protracted murderousness requires a kind of raw talent. You may not believe in them, but if someone who believes themself to be one kills you, does it really make a difference?

Actually, I would think modern forensics could quickly defeat ANY nightly killer, no matter how superhuman. Dentition, hair and clothing fibers, dna (from skin or any body fluid), forensic psychology, scent (using dogs), footprints, cigarrette butts, etc. , psychic consultations. Every contact leaves a trace, they say. How many murders go unsolved? The police must be overworked, if not completely overwhelmed in a sea of crime, though. To subsist on blood amidst all this law and order, I would think, would require willing victims and/or donors, or a blood source, like a hospital or morgue or butcher's. Yuck! There's diseases in that stuff! It does make you wonder if people have different flavors, though. Do you have a flavor of the week? Do you have good taste in women/men?

The blood countess, Elizabeth Bathory, 1560-1614, lived 54 years with around 600 victims, whose blood she bathed in to retain youth, according to one witness. A vampire might say she needed twice as many for a full human lifetime. It's so rare to capture one, alive. She has been called the Bride of Dracula. Many people don't know Dracula, known as Vlad the Impaler, 1431-1476, was a real person (note: he only lived 45 years). He died 84 years before countess Bathory was born. In resorting to guerilla warfare in defense of his native Wallachia against the Turks, he impaled 20,000 Turks on a "forest" of stakes. As in the movie Hannibal, Turks removed the scalp of their victims' heads rather than behead them. According to a Romanian historian, Vlad's remains were discovered buried at the entrance of a church. Unfortunately by opening the tomb and exposing it to fresh air and sunlight it caused Vlad's remains to turn to dust within minutes. Good stuff, eh? Apparently, he is not still among us, if you were wondering.

Vampires are reputed to drain their victims dry. That would require an amazingly empty stomach, I would think. But maybe not. Let’s see. The average adult has 5 liters of blood (7% of body weight). Beyond 15% percent of hypovolemia (blood loss) will have clinical sequelae, according to Wikipedia. I weigh 210 lbs, which means I have 14.7 lbs of blood. How much bloodloss would incapacitate me? I don't know, but more than 2.2lbs of blood would have to be ingested to go beyond healthy and acceptable blood-donating levels, to impairment. 2.2 lbs is how many cups of blood? Water weighs 1 kilogram per cup at 20degrees Celsius. 20 degrees C is 68 degrees F. Close enough for government work. 2.2lbs is .9979 kg. For even for a fairly large guy like me, only 1 cup of blood (or more) has medical effects. That’s only 8 oz. That’s less than a can of coke, certainly much less than a mug of beer. Like Killian's Red, or Red Hook.

You can’t get AIDS from drinking blood, unless you have cuts in your mouth, from brushing your teeth beforehand, for example. Eating a liver could be the death of you. Hematophagy gives new meaning to phrases like, "she’s sweet" or "she’s a sweetheart" or "I’m bitter" or "flavor of the week" or maybe even "bite me." Another good 10 cent word is exsanguination.

To stay in the sun, and thus avoid the vampires, (or to stay in the dark, if you are one) you woud have to travel 1,037.6 mph latitudinally, at the equator.

Remember kiddies, vampires aren't real! You can count on that! Of course, there might be exsanguinating space aliens, as well as the mighty chupacabra. Chupacabra translates to goat-sucker. Adults, Have a glass of red wine, like Christian brothers. Or some blood pudding, blood sausage, or blood of Christ. Mmm, blood.

As for the so-called "psychic" vampires, I'm afraid they do exist. Just look up the word "schadenfreude", and team that up with the bloodlust and bloodthirst of everyday life so graciously provided by our culture and what-have-you (your own imagination?). The "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" elicit some serious grievances, and life can be draining. A lot of Christians appear to be practically salivating at the prospect of apocalyptic doom as God's punishment for a world of sinners, ushering in the return of Christ. People love disasters on the news, whether they admit it or not. The world is a vampire, and vampires suck! Sorry, kiddies.

Am I a vampire? My name is 4,9,9 which sums to 22, or V. I'm a Virgo. I'm Catholic. I don't know if reading this is making you tired.. I'm not a pervert. I AM undead (very much alive). I eat rare steaks (stakes?), with blood in them, and drink wine, the blood of the grape (there's even a brand of Vampire wine). Does that make me bloodthirsty? Maybe I'm a vampire to a cow. I will occasionally attend Catholic mass, and drink the literal blood of Christ. I don't adhere to Christianity very well, though, although I believe their values, generally. Be a man. Be a man for others. Jesse was a vampire in Queen of the Damned. Red was my first favorite color, as a kid. Then it was blue, and then green. Blue for sadness. Vampires are solitary, forlorn creatures. Perhaps I have a "coven" of two women and three dogs, lol. Green is for Gr e'en, an angry evening, like getting even. Nature is red in tooth and claw. Blood seems to be saying subliminally, be lewd, in my opinion. Better lewdness than neck-piercing, I would have to say. That would be yellow (yell ow). Anyway, I get chest pains that could be interpreted as a stake to the heart. I like garlic, and the warmth of the sun is nice, though. I must be old and powerful. I see myself in the mirror, (although I have tripped and seen someone else). I hear a voice in my head, like what John Carpenter described in his movie, Vampires, with the master establishing a "telepathic link." I have my share of schadenfreude. I guess I can be draining; I used to have a roommate who called me "high maintenance." When I lived alone, I would stay up all night, at times. A vamp is a woman, an unscrupulous flirt, who uses her charms to seduce men. I have some ire against the unscrupulous (unprincipled) part. But no, David, psychic vampire in my head, I am not a vampire.