I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Bumper sticker sayings

333 things that make you go hmm.

1) If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention
2) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
3) According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
4) All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
5) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
6)Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for
7) Are the voices in my head bothering you?
9)Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10)Ban abortion, eat your young instead!
11) Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
12)Boldly Going Nowhere
13)Cancer cures smoking.
14)Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
15)Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
16)Condoms are easier to change than diapers.
17)Death to all fanatics!
18)Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
19)Don't hate yourself in the morning, sleep till noon.
20)Don't piss me off... I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
21)Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive anyway.
22)Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
23)Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
24)End discrimination: Hate Everybody!
25)Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
26)Familiarity breeds children.
27)Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
28)Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
29)Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
30)Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
31)God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
32)God made diversity; Man made bigotry; Who do you trust?
33)Guns don't kill people, it's just the bullet tearing through their body
34)Half the people you know are below average.
35)Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends
36)He who dies with the most toys wins.
37)He who hesitates is probably right.
38)He who laughs last thinks slowest.
39)Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
40)I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
42)I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
43)I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
44) I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
45)I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
46)If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
47)I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
48)If God had intended us to run around naked, He’d have created us that way!
49)If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
50)If ignorance is bliss, you should be orgasmic.
51)If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
52)If you can't trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?
53)If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
54)I got your honors student pregnant.
55)I Have The Body Of A God .......... Buddha
56)I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
57)I Haven't Lost My Mind -- It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
58)I intend to live forever - so far, so good
59)I just took an IQ test and the results were negative.
60)I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
61)I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles
62)I love mankind; it's people I hate
63)Imagination is the foundation of reality.
64)I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
65)I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up!
66)I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
67)I'm Pro-choice, because the last thing I need is more idiots to piss me off.
68)I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
69)I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen..
70)It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
71)It's only kinky the first time
72)It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
73)I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
74)I used to live in the real world, but I got evicted.
75)I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating.
76)I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
77)I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
78)I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
79)Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole
80)JESUS SAVES ... They Pass It To Gretzky ... He Shoots ... He Scores!
81)Just because I'm wandering, doesn't mean I'm lost.
82)Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you!
83)Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
84)Just say No to sex with pro-lifers.
85)Keep that sense of humor; it's critical.
86)Lead me not into temptation -- I can find the way myself.
87)Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control.
88)Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
89)Life is a terminal disease!
90)Life is like a dick, long and hard
91)Life is short. Don't be a dick.
92)Lord, protect me from Your followers.
93)Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
94)Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener
95)Marijuana... Hey at least it's not crack!
96)Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
97)Monday is a hell of a way to spend one-seventh of your life.
98)Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch
99)Money is the root of all evil: send $30 for more info
100)My Karma just ran over your Dogma
101)My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
102)My son is an honor student at the state correctional facility.
103)Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be
104)Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
105)Nuke a gay whale for christ.
106)OK, so what's the speed of dark?
107)Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
108)Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
109)Preserve wildlife: throw a party
110)Procrastinate now!
111)Prosecutors will be violated!
112)Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
113)Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
114)Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
115)Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
116)Save a Tree, Eat a beaver.
117)Save the animals, Eat a vegetarian.
118)Save water, shower with a friend
119)Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date!
120)Smith & Wesson: The original point-and-click interface.
121)Snatch a kiss, or vice versa
122)Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
123)Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
124)Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
125)Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!
126)Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
128)Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either.
129)Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
130)The face is familiar, but I can't quite remember my name
131)The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
132)The Moral Majority is neither.
133)The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
134)The more things change, the more they remain insane.
135)The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
136)The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
137)The proctologist called. They found your head.
138)The road to success is always under construction.
139)The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
140)The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
141)This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
142)Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
143)Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
144)Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
145)Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
146)Today is the last day of your life so far.
147)To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
148)Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
149)Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
150)Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
151)We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
152)What are you lookin' at?
153)When all else fails, lower your standards.
154)Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
155)Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
156)Who cares who's on board?
157)Why be normal?
158)Witches are Crafty People.
159)Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
160)You have nothing to fear but the voices in my head
161)You! Off my planet!
162)Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
163)You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!
164) coexist
165) in guns we trust
166)kill your television
167) fuck shit up
168) animal abusers should be put down
169) 3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions
170) shit happens
171)my other ride is your mom
172) republicans for voldemort
173)question authority
174)anarchy '08
175)sarcasm society: like we need your support
176)teaching preschool is a lot like herding cats
177)lost..but happy
178)i listen to bands that don't even exist yet
179) dear god, save me from your followers
180)i don't believe in you, either
181)take my wife, she gives great headache
182)i drive naked
183)screw tibet!
184)road rage ninja
185)I'm schizophrenic and so am I
186)though it may seem unlikely, nothing is happening
187)i don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it
188)life is short, break some rules
189)bumper sticker
190)oh hayl no
191)everybody's crazy, some people just hide it better
192)don't believe everything you think
193)honk if you love tranquility
194) i've got a perfect body, but it's in the trunk and beginning to stink.
195) ITMFA
196) I found Jesus, now he's it
197)On the other hand, you have different fingers.
198)I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
199)Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
200)Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
201) Nobody gets out of life alive
202)I don't have a problem with willpower.It's won't power I have a problem with
203)I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
204)What if there were no hypothetical questions?
205)You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
206)Despite the cost of living, it's still popular.
207)When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and driving against traffic.
208)All good things in moderation ..... including moderation
209)Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
210)Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
211)We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
212)I doubt. Therefore, I might be.
213)If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
214) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
215) Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
216)Entropy isn't what it used to be.
217)Kids in the back seat cause accidents;Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
218)Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?
219) I'd rather be killing zombies
220) you are sofa king we todd did
221)dissent is the highest form of patriotism
222)try being informed instead of just opinionated
223)the best things in life are not things
224)if liberals hated america, we'd vote republican
225)which day did god make all the fossils?
226)I'll kill you
227)republican: because not everyone can be on welfare
228)what if the hokey pokey really IS what it's all about?
229)tree-hugging dirt worshipper
230)please don't breed or buy while shelter pets die
231)what do I feel after I shoot a terrorist? recoil
232)free east prussia
233)karma spares no one
234)god bless the whole world; no exceptions
235)grr argh
236)cthulhu 2008 (why vote for a lesser evil?)
237)live simply that others may simply live
238)(for cops) be kind, be courteous. but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
239) our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
240) what we think, we become
241)vegetarianism, the smart choice: for your health, for the animals, for the planet
242)you think healthcare is expensive now? just wait til it's free
243)free tibet
244)dick cheney eats kittens
245)our stories are singular but our destiny is shared-BO
246)even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas
247)be the change you wish to see in the world
248)speak your mind, even if your voice shakes
249) when did jesus become pro-rich, pro-war, and only pro-american?
250)there will be no peace until they love their children more than they hate us
251)i don't need to be threatened with hell to be moral
252)how can you be pro-life and eat dead animals?
253)i fear government more than terrorism
254)forget a knight in shining armor, i want a vampire in a shiny volvo
255)blind faith in bad leaders is not patriotism
256)solar power, no war required
257)slow down, pay attention, question everything, start now
258)obama doesn't want your children killed on the battlefield, he'd rather you took care of that before they were born.
259)satanism: be your own god
260)war is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength
261)fear yourself, love your enemies
262)government doesn't work, please return my taxes
263) come to the dark side, we have cookies
264)never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
265)war is terrorism
266)barack obama: shut the fuck up
267)don't confuse dying for oil with fighting for freedom
268)love is a boston terrier
269)honk if your religion makes you intolerant
270)be careful when you hate, it might affect someone you love
271) a war budget leaves every child behind
272) got jesus? it's hell without him
273) may the embryo you save be gay and proud
274)8,855,900,000 animals killed for food in the u.s. in 2000
275)i (heart) to fart
276)if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
277)adopt a mutt, their hearts are pure
278)good planets are hard to find
279)oh shit! it's thor!run! -God
280)end world poverty
281)400,000 dead. save darfur.
282)abortion- it is poverty to decide that a child may not live so that you may live as you wish. -Mother Theresa
283)what would the goddess do?
284)jesus was a community organizer
285)stop breed specific legislation
286)which god do you kill for?
287) beware, ninja on board
288)you will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger
289) be kind
290)gun control: breathe out, squeeze trigger
291) make love and war (bob dobbs, subgenius)
292)it's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything.
293)gods don't kill people, people with gods kill people
294)i make breastmilk. what's your superpower?
295)why do people kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
296)religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the leaders as useful.
297)45 million people without health insurance is a moral outrage
298)the beatings will continue until morale improves
299)keep abortion safe and legal
300)play ultimate
301)we all live downstream
302)every time i hear thunder, i wonder if the vampires are playing baseball
303)i'll keep my guns and bible, you keep your change
304)just ignore the environment. it will go away.
305) one by one, the penguins steal my sanity
306)i'd love to change the world, but no one will give me the source code
307)better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion
308)sorry officer i thought you wanted to race
309)well-behaved women seldom make history
310)i'm only speeding because i really have to poop
311)democracy is not a spectator sport
312)if america has more laws than any other nation, are we really more free?
313)abortion, it's not a choice, it's an industry
314)dr. steel for world emperor
315)poodle is my co-pilot
316)i believe in life before death
317)when all the trees have been cut down, when all the animals have been hunted, when all the waters are polluted, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will the white man discover that you cannot eat money. -cree prophecy
318)live free or die
319)mean people suck
320)my other god is nailed to a stick
321)it may look like i'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level i'm really quite busy
322)it is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men
323)i (heart) my weird family
324) art heals
325) 333: I'm only half-evil
326) support slave labor, shop at walmart
327) i can see the moon from my house, but that doesn't qualify me to be an astronaut
328))honor neurodiversity

take a breath...here's a long one (in small print):
Christianity: The belief that some cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Makes perfect sense.

330)i don't have any invisible friends
331)republicans and democrats: both full of crap
332)to sit back, hoping that someday, some way, someone is going to make things right, is to go on feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last, but eat you he will.
333)god IS the pilot (I invented this one, I think)

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