God deigns to speak to all you lowly people :-)Hello everyone,
Why do I say I am?
I formally self-apotheosize mainly for fun, but then again, I really may (prove to) be (god or God, take your pick). I know, hold on, I have my reasons. Why does his holiness (I have seven holes, plus a lot of pores) consider himself thus? Mainly, the bible says only God is good, and I want a better world, now. Other reasons are my name, my wife, popular culture, cars, Harry Potter, various corporations, and possible effects I have observed. Mostly, I think of myself as good, and thus, ergo, God.
First of all, there's my name: (I know, there's a lot of Jesse's. There's even another Jesse Teshara). But, I'll explain anyway: Jesse was the father of King David in the bible (the Jesse Tree). Jesse means 'Jehovah makes forget.' Jesse, without vowels, as in hebrew, is JSS, like a certain someone. In spanish, it's 'Jesus', pronounced hey-Zeus, another god. It translates in spanish to Chuy, too (pronounced 'chewy,' which could describe a eucharist wafer). It anagrams to 'see s.j.', referencing the Society of Jesus, i.e. the Jesuits, a scholarly Catholic order of priests and brothers. Jesuits, like Sufis, see God in all things, such as the letter S, which I have seen to represent Allah; or J, as in WWJD; or the Holy See, the former cardinal Ratzinger (who renamed himself Benedict, my grandfather's name (on my dad's side)); or my wife Sara, because God is love. J sums to 1, and 'esse' means 'being' in latin; 1 being. God is One. In Chinese, Jesse is Jie Xi, which means 'best hope.' Lawrence is my dad's name (Larry), which has law and war and clean and clear and real, for example, in it. Apparently, though, I come from a family of Gods. The surname Teshara contains Ra, Hara, Shara, Eshara, Ar, Har, and Set: all ancient Gods. The name is Portuguese, from Texeira. Some anagrams for Teshara include 'he's a rat' (That's a zinger), 'the sara' (my wife Sara's initials are SLB: what if God was one of us, just a SLoB like one of us..-Joan Osborne), and 'as earth'.
Other things I see God in: The name 'Jesse' is in popular culture. There's Jesse Jackson, James, Owens, Helms, Ventura, McCartney, etc. There's JT's like John Travolta or Justin Timberlake. There's JLT in Jolt cola. None of this is indicative of any divinity. Perhaps I'm reaching for vicarious fame and aggrandizing. And, I am not my name. But then again, there's the movie 'Dude, where's my car?' with the main characters Jesse and Chester. I crashed my car, (a brown Honda civic), and worked with a Chester at Walgreens. I also worked with a Jesus at Walgreens. There was the sitcom Jesse with Christina Applegate. There is Jesse Wells on all the Wells Fargo atm's. A Verizon commercial used my name. Jesse's girl is Sara Brown. She drives a black Honda. My sister, Sarah Salazar, died in the car crash. And, of course, there's Sarah Jessica Parker. I sometimes wonder if I didn't make her career. Put it on the "fast track," so to speak. What all this does indicate is I am seemingly perpetually at the vortex of a lot of mind control. Then again, aren't we all?
Speaking of cars, Jeep is Jesse with an emoticon ack (P) for the S.S. Sara's mom is a Montero, and her mom a Ramsey. There's the Ram and the Z71. My birthday is 9-3-71, and there's a Saab 9-3, too. My brother is GLT (like the Volvo). My mom is PT (like the cruiser). My dad is LT. My uncles are Jimmy and TT. My mom is a Hennessy (don't drink and drive, says M.A.D.D.), and thus an H. Sara has the SRS airbag, the SR5, the Sahara, the SL, and, for both of us, there's the S10 (J is the tenth letter), and the Jaguar XJS. I am reminded of myself and family all over the highway.
Like Harry Potter, I am adopted. I am caucasian, but I have less of a sense of ethnic or national identity, by nature. My blood could have been anyone. My birthfather may have been a Mudd..mudblood. My birthfamily links to Harry Potter in other weird ways. My birthmom is Annette Riddle. Voldemort (lord move t) is a Riddle. Sarah, my birthsister, was a Salazar. Salazar Slytherin founded his namesake's school. Maybe all this says I'm more of a wizard than God.
The word 'Christ,' as you may know, just means annointed. So I could splash some olive oil on myself and dub myself Christ if I so chose. I'm not really all that fond of Jesus, though. Since the prince of peace, we've had two world wars... I read the (apocryphal) Gospel of Thomas, where Jesus killed people. No one makes fish appear out of thin air or walks on water without a little hocus-pocus. Sorry, Christians. Jesus was basically just a wizard. (No, I don't believe in a holographic universe. If I explain Jesus' miracles at all, it's that he created a virtual dreamworld, in which people thought they saw Jesus walking on water. The human brain, used to it's full potential, can be a wondrous thing).
So Harry Potter, the powerful wizard, as Godly as any of us can ever hope to be, is, in a way, personal.
Organizations and corporations: (The Jesuits, Walgreens, and Democrats): I went to a jesuit high school, St. Ignatius, in San Francisco, after going to St. Stephen's (three catholic saints). I was taught English (the word is God), by Fr. John Murphy, who, one could imagine, popularizes the eucharist by making Papa John's or Papa Murphy's pizza "the body of Christ." I worked at Woodstock's Pizza in Davis, after working at Walgreens. I am a flower child. I wanted the 2000 election to be decided by one vote (and it was), to empower voters. Walgreens= W/Al/Greens. In Davis, I met a David (a self-proclaimed "vampire") who told me Al Gore was the antichrist. In numerology, antichrist sums to 4, as does Jesse and David and Al. I have met a Four. The book of numbers is the 4th book of the bible. I voted for Gore, anyway. Al Green is a pastor in Tennessee. As J is the tenth letter, Jesse is somewhat Tennesseean. My, what a tangled web we weave. How deep does the rabbit hole go? Jesse also means 'gift,' which in spanish is regalo, rearranged of which is al gore. I had a globe that melted. Sauron was called the 'lord of gifts.' (ur a son?) So maybe I am a God of elections. (Is that what the electorate is all supposed to think of themselves?)
Besides these things, among others, and the fact that I am (exist), divinity could perchance lie in character: I am a genuinely concerned and kind person. I was even voted most kind in grammar school. That was in '85, lol. I majored in Third World Studies at UC Davis. The kindest people have the most to be angry about. I read Anne Rice then and became kind of obsessed with vampires and Hannibal Lecter. Helping or killing, both make a "difference." Everybody, even criminals, want a better world. Anne has since written about Jesus. And ol' H has become ubiquitous. Hannibal the cannibal is an archetype that has penetrated the american psyche, subconscious, conscious, what-have-you. Perhaps the most righteous villain in cinema. Perhaps even a paragon of virtue, although I'll stick to ritualistic eucharistic cannibalism on Sundays, myself. Admittedly, he lives in my head with a personality all his own, perhaps divergent from the books and cinema, as a nice (possibly too perfectionist) fellow. The most popular children's name in America was Hannah, at some point, I believe. I imagine Hannibal Lecter thought of himself as God, as I am now doing. Like Jesus, his name sums to 2 (I explain in the numerology post). And no one wants to be crucified. So I can see how one could go on the offense, especially as "vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord." As you are what you eat, maybe a little vengeance is in order for the Catholic cannibals. I imagine this fictional HL character as a self-conceived good guy.
I'm not like that, though. 4+6 (forensics)=10. I studied some forensics on my own, at Davis. Also in college, I wrote about malaria, and Bill Gates and others have since made strides to reduce the impact of this disease. I like to think I have made a difference, in the collective unconscious, perhaps even as a global telepath. Perhaps I am the same as everyone else (and as little or great as I think of myself as). Psychology can be trippy. Although I identify with one of the scariest villains in cinema (who was called a pure sociopath), I'm all about peaceful assistance to the poor, sick, suffering, and unhappy. I do so because I am perceptive and empathic. Maybe I would make a better world by killing bad guys. That's not who I am, though. Let the law do that.
As to whether a being created the universe, I, God, am agnostic. There are agnostic theists and agnostic atheists. I do not believe I am a figment of my own imagination. I think, therefore I am, I think. If I'm omniscient, I don't know it. I may yet create the universe, lol. Mainly though, I'm just crazy and like to think I am, and act accordingly, yet without vengeance. For fun. When cynical, I chaulk just about everything, including the God meme, up to mind control.
In sum, and in time for Hollywood (the love guru movie) -as my life so often seems to be-, I believe myself to be a person capable of causing great change, and barring that, that I, like and in regards to Shirdi Sai Baba, "Living with him is like carnival miracle for the daily life and spiritual progress. Even the Sai Baba photos or Sai Baba pictures responds." By joining my world in this blog, I hope you access some happiness.
Enjoy! -Jess
(feel free to ask me to write on any topic, send a prayer, or make comments/suggestions)
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