Sinners in the Hands of and Angry Me

SHAM, for short.
Anger, Hatred, Rage, Wrath, Fury...Madness
Is God sane?

Hats off to Jonathan Edwards' sermon (July 8, 1741).

I most definitely think I am, and should be. I believe I am rational and see reality and truth as clearly as anyone. However, I do still have a voice, which I am annoyed and interrupted and distracted and sometimes influenced by, which I would rather be rid of, and both voice internally (like many of those who read books do in their mind, if they are not a speedreader) and mutter my almost perpetual dismay and disgust, if not outright ire, toward, in response.

The scientologists might call my mind reactive. Maybe I should try to alter my thought pattern.

Others might say I'm psychotic and delusional, and not actually hearing anything.
I say I'm a captive audience in my own mind to the telepathic intrusions of...well, who cares.
It could be a person, persons, computer, alien, or programming in my head from the night before or even "uploaded" into my head while I blink (?) or something equally as wacky or weird, from god knows who (who, me?, lol), maybe everybody, according to some laws of psychology that govern absolutely everyone, if it turns out I've got the whole world in my head (and maybe some of the animal kingdom). I truly don't believe it's self-generated brain-noise, originating within my head. Originating, hmm. Maybe past thoughts have become memes, which are coming back to haunt me. Anyway, I perceive other in my head because I can't conceive of myself generating some of the thoughts I hear. Just like dreams.

Whatever, though. Hopefully, I'll beat this stupid affliction. It's genetic, I guess, but health and happiness happens. I'm gonna keep a diary of my diet, and times for meds, and anything else relevant, in the hope I can nail down what factors influence better days from worse ones, i.e. regarding the unholy trinity of symptoms: voice, headshocks, chestpains. I used to have my teeth tap, but that's gone, hopefully for good.

So that's the madness.

But I'm still angry. Don't get it confused. Unless all y'all sinners are causing my symptoms.

I'm a kindhearted soul, and I'm just gonna vent in my blog and exercise to maintain mental and physical health. I'm not supposed to drink, so making friends at the bar seems a bit weird. I do like a beer now and then, although it's said to depotentiate my meds. Good word, eh? But no, I need to take my own advice, and get a circle of friends and acquaintances, I think, although I'm pretty self-sufficient and well-adjusted for just being with the dogs so much of the time.

I just want to feel good and make a better world. I want to exorcise my de-mon, and keep a healthy balance between my shadow and sunny sides, so to speak (although dark humor is fun, too).

Wait....IN my hands?? How'd you get in there, lol?