Violence

Violent J

I have a slayer cd, too.

Reign in blood, of course.

I got in a fight in like 5th grade, with Michael Crotty.

It dawned on me years later, his name sounds like karate.

Neither of us “won,” it was madness, done for the sake of trying it.

I also tore the wings off a butterfly.   Nobody knows this.

I actually won the “most kind” award, in grammar school.

If a bullet with butterfly wings finds me, I’ll know that butterfly got his revenge.

I also left an aluminum can with a nail in it, inside a paper bag, on the street. I figured God would guide some deserving driver to it.  Kinda crazy.  Have no idea if it popped a tire or not (or worse).  But that was one of the other wicked things I did.

I pushed my brother off a play structure, when we were kids.  Not sure why.  He didn’t get hurt, in any case.

I left a lid off of a street “box”, which a car (or person) could have hit, or stepped in.  It was in an alley.  Again, no sense of resolution.  In God’s hands, you could say.

I hit a cop.  Off meds.  Served 10 months for it.  Madness.  Just trying to have fun.  I like wrestling.  I didn’t put full force into it.  Thought I was training the cops.   I needed to get the hell out of that place I was in, truth told.   Maybe he deserved it.  Anyway.  If it hurt, sorry.

I hit a homeless guy on the head with a hammer.  I saw him walking by, the next day.  So not a lethal blow, I’d say.  Maybe the homeless need to be scared straight.  Nobody wants their shit all over the sidewalk.   The Catholic Church certainly doesn’t want them all over their church property.  That’s how I rationalized it, anyway.

I thought I wanted to be an assassin, as a kid.  I used to read Soldier of Fortune magazine, at the nearby hobby shop.  I’d be good one day, bad the next, or something.  Live a double life.  Maybe a spy, or a vigilante, or something.  I think a lot of kids want to be ninjas.  I saw lots of violent movies.   Superheroes are usually criminals, when you get right down to it.

I killed a couple cats.  I thought I would eat some pussy.  Or tongue (cat got it?).  And my pet cockatiel, by accident (washing him).  And thousands of flies, beetles, cockroaches, spiders, ants.  Cats are killers,  and toy with their prey, and have 9 lives, so it’s not a big deal, I thought.  Plus, it’s part of catholic, which I happened to think is full of shit, but it means universal, so I guess in hindsight, that includes everything.  The bible says “surely this thing is known.”  And of course there’s the guy that slays hordes with the jawbone of an ass.  And the meat industry. 

I attempted to light a parked truck trailer, loaded high with hay, on fire.  Didn’t catch.  Would have been quite something, I imagined.   Maybe even setting homes on fire… I’m glad that didn’t happen, to be honest.

I tossed a .22 round in a campfire, at scout camp (not knowing if it was dangerous or not).  I googled it.  It’s not.  But I didn’t know that, at the time.

Maybe I’m lying.  This is not a confession.  Evil has its value.  So does freedom.  Coming clean has nothing to do with telling the truth, no?  it means not contracting an std.

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turpitude In the past, a new identity, god not demon:
love, not a vampire-
appreciation, not resentment
forgiveness, not revenge
blue pill, not red

virtue and violence, v's, like fangs
eye teeth, points of view (v...ew!)
voice victim vs. vitality, vim, vigor
schizophrenia, madness, insanity, lucifer, evil

virtue, vows, and veil
vs.
vice, voice, victimizing, vile

VIRTUE

Not being evil, a criminal, violent, or cruel

Doing good, making the world a better place, helping people.

Walking dogs.  Talking to Ben and Declan.  Writing my blog.   

Spending money at local businesses.  Helping the nuns.

Occasional good conversations.   Visit dad.

Eating less meat.  Setting an example: exercise, music, etb etr

Salon conviviality and sharing.  Reading.  Writing.  

Helping society through reading economist, nyt, etc.

Is this just in my head, or part of a larger social mentality?

honesty.  truth.  righteousness.  cool gift (trivia) to Vicki.  

Cordial, friendly, upbeat with mom and dad.   Augie helper.

Pacifist.  Not death.  Upright. Virtuous.  Compassionate, kind. 

Satisfy my soul.   Empowerment, strength, skills, development.

Fitness and Sanity.   Everything is alright.  Eat clean.  

Buddhism and other forms of madness.   Equanimity, calm.

Be all that you can be.  Perfect.  Perfect job.  Happy!

Maturity, set an example, teach, learn, engage, live, love.

Equality.   Wipe away transgression.   Forgiveness. Freedom.  

I and I will see you through.  Life is worth much more than gold.

(quoting Bob Marley from the background)

v vs. versus

verses
virtually virtuous vs. real rules
reel vs. real (movies vs. lived life)
royally riled up, railing against the real
cruel rules, cruelty : T Y (cross, crucifixion)

AR
Anne Rice, Annette Riddle, all right, assault rifle,
alternate reality, artists and repertoire, alfa romeo,
augmented reality, argon, a city in ancient Moab