Gerrold, the Turd

Hello. My name is Gerrold. You can call me Gerry. Everyone does. I program Alexa for Amazon. I'm an AI programmer. AI stands for artificial intelligence. My intelligence, however, is real. I collect all the questions to Alexa from around the world that “she” didn't have an answer for, and remedy that, for the future. In other words, I research and type answers, to the questions people are currently interested in. What are some of the questions, you ask? That's one of the questions! Sorry, I don't know that one, she says. But, if you go to google and type in any of the 6 question words (who what where when why how ), it will offer several typical questions for each, which give a snapshot of popular, typical queries. Further questions will reveal themselves, as you refine your search. And I do consult google to answer questions for Amazon. Maybe we should pay a fee to google for answers, like radio stations pay for playing songs . Then again, I like the public library model, with seemingly infinite information available, for free! Zilch! Nada! Good deal, eh? I consult wikipedia, in addition to google, as well as the library, with all its resources, including the librarian, who also does my job, in a manner of speaking. Universities have research assistants. Professors get data from their students, too. I'm in the same game. I'm basically a librarian. I'm the answer man. I have contacts at libraries and universities, around the world. I have friends in high places; that is to say, higher education. I know the folks who write the questions for Jeopardy. I got a 1600 on my SAT, have worked for Kaplan as an instructor, regularly submit revisions to wikipedia, and went to Reed, which is known for being one of the best universities for “pure academic and intellectual” pursuit. I have doctorates in almost everything. I know all the google answers. I know all the best words. I am omniscient. I am God. I know the questions people are going to ask, before they ask them. I am your new overlord. I am Gerrold. Bow down to me. I have all the answers. I will solve your problems, answer your questions, and resolve your dilemmas. I am smarter than Trump. I am the leader of the free world. I am the master of reality, the king of kings, the lord of lords, the way the truth and the light, supreme consciousness, The One. I am the central intelligent agent. I am the creator of knowledge. Let there be light! Merge with me, become one with my genius! The truth is out there. Reality is all-knowing. Life is but a dream. I am morpheus, the God of dreams. I am Buddha, the Awake. I am Conscious Light, the light of natural reason, the smartest person in the room, mister mensa, and a deity, an avatar, an incarnation of Love-Bliss. You are now under my spell. Obey. Obey or die. Obey or experience untold suffering. I am the alpha and the omega. I am the head honcho, the big cheese, the alpha male, the top dog, the king of the hill, the main man, satan and lucifer and beelzebub, jesus and lord and teacher, A#1, perfection incarnate, everyone and everything, one and all, everywhere and always, infinite and without end, eternal and supreme, forever and ever (and even more ever), neverending, amen. I AM Zeus, Allah, Poseidon. Zap, for short. I AM Yahweh, Jesus, Buddha, Ahriman, Waheguru, Siva, Vishnu, Brahma, Ahura Mazda, The Monad, and Reality. I am who am. I'm all this, and all that. I'm all that shit. I am full of it. Of course I am, I am The Universe. I contain all. I am in you, and you are in me. I pervade, penetrate, and am present. Eat me, drink me, read me, and be me. I am full of shit, lol. Excrete me, flush me, use me for fertilizer. I am good. It's all good. All people are good. All animals are good. Love everyone. Even sacks of shit. Even Trump.