Bright Side

I plan on taking the most popular class in Yale history, which is available -free!- online (Yale is expensive!), called (variously):
the psychology of well-being
the science of happiness
living the "good-life"

it's on coursera, not OYC (open yale courseware)
i've taken a few yale classes (on oyc), already.

So, if I want to paint a rosy picture of myself, denying the darker bits, like Kavanaugh,
then:

Jesse Lawrence Teshara:
eagle scout, best salesman (cub scouts) trophy, cal alumni scholarship, boston college book award, high school (SI, St. Ignatius) journalism award (I was the yearbook editor, and an AP english student), 4.0 (weighted) gpa (high school), 1260 sat, B.A. in I.R. from UCD. (baird!), freshman honors program (integrated studies), lots of page views on my blog, wagwalker (they're selective, i'm highly ranked), hubbie/friend/uncle (i'm in a better place now, with family, roommates; no longer in a relationship, but still appreciated), and my room is called the "salon" for being a welcome spot to enjoy music (on headphones, or alexa) and chat, or nap, or read, or eat and drink.  I provide books, trivia cards, magazines, exercise tips, and allow use of my computer (e.g. youtube, email, the onion, ted, etc.)

the idea behind my International Relations major was to become instrumental toward Development (I chose the Third World Studies emphasis), as well as work toward denuclearization, and peace/diplomacy.

i'm happy, of late.  content, happy, joyful, even blissful sometimes.
And I haven't even taken the course yet.

My darker past, however, includes time in jail (10 months), a degree of responsibility for the death of my sister, animal cruelty ("the infliction by omission or commission, by humans, of suffering or harm, upon any non-human", which is MEAT -ugh, the banality of evil-; plus, the china study says meat is less healthy, if not harmful), being homeless (in Davis), and being a demon, in my mind, filled with hate and resentment (ongoing, if I'm being honest with myself), with some criminality that I won't go into.  That's between me and my priest.

aside: Not living up to your own expectations or standards is kind of a sin, in itself.
But you can forgive yourself!

Anyway,
I heard a homeless person scream, yesterday, "who the fuck do you think you are??" as I rode by on my bicycle.  He wasn't looking at me..  Well, God, lol.   Seriously.  I enjoy it.  But I'm not perfect.  I have a past.  And I'm claiming to be "better than God" actually,  which might strike you as ridiculous or insane, but which I adhere to, because God/God+ doesn't exist, otherwise.  It's a form of happiness hypnosis.  It's a role.  Be good.  That's all there is to it, really.  And, I think I have others in my head.   So I might "be" someone else.  Like channeling, as psychics say.  Or possessed, if you take the darker view.  Like maybe David can see through my eyes, hear my thoughts, control my behavior, or send me dreams.  Waking life can be like a dream, too: thoughts, images, even these very words themselves, possibly.

My roommate thinks technology is bad, and the military can perceive our "every breath."   I like technology, the instant answers to questions, my blog, email, etc.  But I think he's right about the military, the loss of privacy.  Although I suspect psychic intrusion goes WAY back.  Religion calls it the holy spirit, and the bible says 1thessalonians5:19 don't quench the spirit...but voices are schizophrenia, and being sane demands that we silence the voice(s), no?  It's all good? Maybe.

Some thoughts on Being God:
a psychiatric evaluation might call it Grandiosity Order/Dis (lol)
o o o, out of order!
no shit?  out of ordure, lol (!)
a rapper's dis-ability (dissing me? dis-respect? dis-missed?)

Generalized Order Disorder
1.generally specific
a (military) general's order.  there's also a "prioress general" of the dominicans.
god is a man of war.  the art of war is deception.
2.order could mean: sequence, religious order, command, ordure, etc.)
3.disordre could mean: chaos, scatterbrained, entropy.
chaos theory is a (highly regarded) mathematical model for complex systems.

well, i know i'm crazy.  but maybe there's a method to the madness;
resulting in sanity.  (dialectic, thesis, antithesis, sin the sis)

4+4=8
depraved, diabolic, demon
deific, divine, deity
happy, healthy, human.

maybe I'm being God as a reaction to the horror of the death and darkness...
so maybe the synthesis is coming to rest, finally, after having been to both extremes, the poles of Godly Perfection and Demonic depravity, as, well, just another boring human...

but healthy, well, and sane.
Here's hoping.
cheers,
Jess

the human heart beats 3.5 billion times in an average lifetime :-)