What I Want

Kelli:

I am tired and sad and weary and depressed and low-energy and feeling lazy and unmotivated.   I want to change my life.  I want to be rich and have a house and dogs and cute baby, with my man.  I want to be raptured to heaven and spirit-fogged and live happily ever after, with God.  I want to live far away, and start over, maybe in Washington state, near the ocean, with a camper van that can take us on trips to Nature areas.   Preferably a nice one, like a Mercedes Sprintervan, with a conversion.   I want a high-paying career, and a vacation to somewhere warm, and a better Day, a better Life, a better World.  I want enough money to not have to worry about money.   I want extra for inheritance and college and charity and reserve funds for emergencies and all the toys I want.   I want enough for necessities and luxuries, needs and wants, requirements and impulse purchases.  I don’t ever want me or my children and family to be poor, ever again.  I want to look good, feel good, and be healthy and live long.   I want to be strong, fit, well, and sane.    I want to be flexible and do yoga and stretches.  I want to read lots, fast and well.  I want to be happy and content, and reduce suffering in the world, and make a difference.  I want enough sleep, and not too little or too much delicious healthy food, and have freedom to watch tv, or listen to music, or go to museums, or what-have-you.   I want mind-blowing sex.  I want drugs.  I want oxytocin and endorphins and natural highs of love and exercise.   I want to be happy no matter what,  I want to not want, I want equanimity, calm, bliss, enlightenment.  I want fun, laughter, play, cheer, and unseriousness and light-heartedness.  I want openness and acceptance and commitment, no matter what.  I want the dream.  I want it now.  

Jesse:

I want to be off psych meds, I want to be sane, I want to be diagnosed as normal, I want to be paid to be a writer, I want to have a beer, and write for hours every day, and get published, and gain a measure of fame, and help people make sense of the world, and be entertained.  I want to write about evil without being considered evil, myself.  I want to take a bite out of crime.  I want to have thunderous sex, often.   I want to make Kelli so goddamn deliriously happy she never considers an early death again and lives long, prospers, and dies well, satisfied with a life well lived, and maybe the promise of a possible, and deserved, heavenly reward of eternal bliss.  I want to have a child or children, raised well, and healthy and happy.  I want sushi burritos and thai iced teas and los pericos pastor tacos and sinaloa chile relleno burritos and trips abroad and staying the fuck off airplanes and the hell away from concrete cement asphalt pavement and avoiding every goddamn commercial, and staying the fuck off freeways at night with the glare and the red.  I love taiko drums.  I want to see Japan.  I don't want to waste my life in front of a computer or phone screen, scrolling through nonsense.  I want to use my Spanish.  I want to use my God-given talent to write well.   I want lots of friends.  I want nothing to do with a certain pos individual.  Love is devotion and delight.  I want to learn and ask and earn and give. I want to have a pair of Apple vision pro goggles.   I want to be bigger and stronger and fitter.  I want access to a swimming pool when it's hot.  I want what Kelli wants.