Unique Visitors

Welcome!

I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Puns I like

In various categories

Religion
catholic (PUNtifical)
1) what do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' catholic
2)church finishes, and a passerby asks a person coming out "mass out?", who replies, "no, but you're shirt's untucked"
3)I wonder if the new pope had ex-benedict for breakfast
4)a hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen.  A brother is frying chips.  The traveller asks, "are you the friar?".  "No, I'm the chip monk"
5)when a monastery sells olive oil over the internet, is that monk e-business?
6)what do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken? a pecking order
7)what birds spend all their time on their knees? birds of pray
8)knock, knock, who's there, anthem, anthem who, you anthem devil you*
9)who's the patron saint of poverty? St. Nickelless
10)why did mrs. claus let her husband go to the beach? she just wanted to let santa cruz

buddhist
1)what did the buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? make me one with everything!
2)what's different about a buddhist vacuum cleaner? no attachments
3)why did the buddhist forego novocaine during his root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

dental
2)i've been to the dentist many times; I know the drill
3)no one knew about my dental implant, until it came out in conversation
4)why did the deer need braces? it had buck teeth

*
-the guitarist passed out on stage, he must have rocked himself to sleep.
-the inventor of the door knocker should win the no-bell prize

psychiatrist
1)I was arrested after my therapist told me to take something for my kleptomania.
2)my reality check bounced: insufficient fun!
3)dr, dr. I keep thinking I am God.  when did this start?  well first I created the sun, then the earth.
4)dr. dr. you have to help me out!  well which way did you come in?
5)math teachers have a lot of problems; people who keep their magazines have a lot of issues.
6)what lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? a nervous wreck
7)what did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into her office? I can clearly see your nuts!
8)the airline charged me for emotional baggage
9)the blue diamond truckers really drive me nuts
10) if you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital
11)a freudian slip is when you say one thing, and mean your mother.

sex and love
1)i love u.  it's my favorite vowel.
2) if there was a bisexual pride parade, would it go both ways?
3)she was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still
4)i had sex with a girl in an apple orchard. I came in cider.
5)have you ever had sex while camping? it's f-ing in tents!
6)i was going to tell a gay joke, butt fuck it
7)dancing cheek to cheek is a form of floor-play
8)if you wear camouflage condoms, they'll never see you coming.
9)don't have phone sex, you'll get hearing aids

No comments: