left and right

sinister and dexter, leftious and righteous

I think I just coined a word.

1)liberal and conservative got pegged left and right during the french revolution, because of the arrangement of the legislature at the time.

2)but long before that, left and right hands were nailed to a cross.  don't let one hand know what the other is doing, the dude said.  what a silly matrix.  left as evil and right as correct, righteous, good.

anyway,
what's left to say? ha.
3) catholic, I recently learned from a library dictionary, means liberal.  which seems really weird, because the Catholic church is conservative, right? priests wear both white and black.  who knows which is which!  or which is witch?

Goodness can be dark.

"turn to the dark side.  we have cookies" -bumper sticker I saw in Berkeley

joke: did you hear about the guy who lost his entire right side? he's all left now. :-)

a rant

I like psychology, and people, mostly.

Love the person, hate the sin. Without god, there's no sin, actually. Just law, and personal moral preferences. But I believe in basic goodness, even it the bible says no one is good. If I accept the premise that only god is good, then the conclusion is everybody is god. Which makes me kind of weird (!). I struggle with the phrase, "it's all good." I don't want to be the devil, y' know? ANyway, I studied IR at Davis (I earned a bachelor's), fired up to help the third world (development was my emphasis), before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, which took me out of the game, so to speak, but has the positive result (I tell myself) of giving me a degree of freedom -to read, write, not worry about healthcare (I have kaiser), and spend my days how I wish (I listen to alot of music). I don't have many friends, though. I go to the library daily, exercise, and blog. I just finished a cbt class, which was helpful. Meditation (I went last night) is also good, for me. I walk my ex's dogs, too. I'm  looking forward to winning the love lottery. Hopeful. I'm nervous about it, too. I hope I'm not too crazy for you (or too sane, for that matter). I like puns, and love to make people laugh. And I love to swim! -Jess

Puns I like

In various categories

Religion
catholic (PUNtifical)
1) what do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' catholic
2)church finishes, and a passerby asks a person coming out "mass out?", who replies, "no, but you're shirt's untucked"
3)I wonder if the new pope had ex-benedict for breakfast
4)a hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen.  A brother is frying chips.  The traveller asks, "are you the friar?".  "No, I'm the chip monk"
5)when a monastery sells olive oil over the internet, is that monk e-business?
6)what do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken? a pecking order
7)what birds spend all their time on their knees? birds of pray
8)knock, knock, who's there, anthem, anthem who, you anthem devil you*
9)who's the patron saint of poverty? St. Nickelless
10)why did mrs. claus let her husband go to the beach? she just wanted to let santa cruz

buddhist
1)what did the buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? make me one with everything!
2)what's different about a buddhist vacuum cleaner? no attachments
3)why did the buddhist forego novocaine during his root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

dental
2)i've been to the dentist many times; I know the drill
3)no one knew about my dental implant, until it came out in conversation
4)why did the deer need braces? it had buck teeth

*
-the guitarist passed out on stage, he must have rocked himself to sleep.
-the inventor of the door knocker should win the no-bell prize

psychiatrist
1)I was arrested after my therapist told me to take something for my kleptomania.
2)my reality check bounced: insufficient fun!
3)dr, dr. I keep thinking I am God.  when did this start?  well first I created the sun, then the earth.
4)dr. dr. you have to help me out!  well which way did you come in?
5)math teachers have a lot of problems; people who keep their magazines have a lot of issues.
6)what lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? a nervous wreck
7)what did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into her office? I can clearly see your nuts!
8)the airline charged me for emotional baggage
9)the blue diamond truckers really drive me nuts
10) if you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital
11)a freudian slip is when you say one thing, and mean your mother.

sex and love
1)i love u.  it's my favorite vowel.
2) if there was a bisexual pride parade, would it go both ways?
3)she was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still
4)i had sex with a girl in an apple orchard. I came in cider.
5)have you ever had sex while camping? it's f-ing in tents!
6)i was going to tell a gay joke, butt fuck it
7)dancing cheek to cheek is a form of floor-play
8)if you wear camouflage condoms, they'll never see you coming.
9)don't have phone sex, you'll get hearing aids

Grokking Jesus

Jesus was one weird fish

He was a Jew.
He spoke aramaic, I think.  So his name was Yoshua?
He thought his dad was God.
because Mary, his mother, thought she was inseminated by God?
(nothing like some crazy voices to create delusions, no?)

with a beginning like that, he grew up to be guru, and started a new religion-

He supposedly
-walked on water
-turned water to wine
-commanded the wind
-expelled evil spirits
-multiplied loaves and fishes
-helped the fishermen (herded fish?)
-gave sight to blind
-healed leppers
-rose from the dead
-brought a friend back to life (reanimated Lazarus)
-reattached a severed ear
(what else?)

Personally, I'm a skeptic.  But if you spend your whole life believing you're God's son, I guess one might accrue some personal spiritual power.  Kind of like believing you're a jedi, today.  I still think it's delusional and crazy, though.  A virtual reality, not an actual one, is what I'm trying to say.

The crucifixion strikes me as unjust, but reveals how crazy Jesus was, in that he accepted it as the will of his father.  Then again, maybe Jesus was really angry and dark, taking out his fury on diseases and mental illness, for example. There's a (non-canonical) gospel that has Jesus as a youth (killing?) someone, I think.  So maybe he felt guilty, too.  And, like the movie Kill Bill, if you survive a hit squad, you've pretty much got a moral blank-check to get revenge on your would-be assassins, so maybe Jesus survived his crucifixion and is now a vampire killing antichrists the world over. 

See, I can be a little crazy, too.

My Meme

I am God

Morgan Freeman, who played God in the movie Bruce Almighty, has been quoted in interviews as saying "I am God,"  because he believes God was made by man, not the other way around.   God was made in man's image, another way of saying it.  I don't speak for him, but I think I know better than most what he means.

Kanye West is rumored to have named his upcoming album "I am God".  And he is, too.

1)"God is love"
I love myself
I god myself (self-apotheosis)

2)"only God is good"
I am good
therefore, I am God

(1 and 2 are different ways of saying the same thing, I think)

3)God is a role to play, an identity
(like Santa Claus)
In the song Santa Claus is coming to town, the lyrics say "so be good for goodness' sake""
That's the essence of religion.  I.e. "Be Good"
Santa may not exist, but you can change your name, grow a beard, give kids toys, and take on the identity.   That's as real as it gets.  (Just like vampires may not exist, but if somebody who believes themself to be a vampire kills you, it comes to the same thing).

4)God's name is "I am" (says the old testament)
which can be taken to mean as
a)God exists, or
b)God is existence (all of it),
i.e. reality, the universe, everything.
("Reality is all the God there ever is" -Adi Da Samraj)
("The All" -of which we are only a part- is God)
c)I am!

5) In the phrase, "you gotta look out for number one,"  'number one' means yourself.
SO,
when the bible says "God is one",
that can be taken to mean God is YOU.

6)You are what you eat (to which I would add, "less what you excrete")
So if you eat God, you become him.  You become good.
Which is the basic "mystery" of the christian eucharist.
My name 'Jesse' supposedly means "the whole office of the eucharist"
Don't eat me!  (and don't eat my dogs, either, please)
(Did you know Hitler was a vegetarian?)
relevant 'one' quotes:
-If God is one, how can I be evil? -Charles Manson

"We are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively"
 - a (dead) comedian (forgot his name)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portrayals_of_God_in_popular_media

power and knowledge

"If I had God's power, I would change alot.
But if I had God's wisdom, I wouldn't change a thing"

?

I'm not sure I have either.

STEM
science technology engineering math
space time energy matter

Gratitude

from a worksheet used by my God-mother to help prisoners

"We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more." -Codependent No More

Say thank you, until you mean it.
Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way.

Gratitude unloncks the fullness of life.   It turns what we have inot enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events.  It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude makes things right.
Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy.  There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power.  We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.

Say thank you, until you mean it.  If you say it long enough, you will believe it.

Today, I will shine the transforming light of gratitude on all the circumstances of my life.

North Korea

what I think needs to be said

Because, you see, I actually think North Korea makes a valid point.
And that is, why shouldn't it have nuclear capability if the U.S. can?

The principle under international law of national sovereignty means each country can govern itself as it likes, right?
And it seems to me it's only fair that if nukes are acceptable for one, then they should be for all.
Personally, I think NO nation should have them.
But I think Americans are often racist and condescending when they think we should have them but not allow other countries to have them, as if we were morally superior.
What really needs to come out in what I hope will be a diplomatically-resolved crisis, is the real reason why America is being hypocritical.  Do we need nukes to blow up earth-trajectory asteroids?  Do we need protection from space aliens?  Some other reason?  Is it just because we can??

Or are they just a (stupid and cynical, in my opinion) part of America's defense posture, as a supposed retaliatory threat, in a world where the only potentially instigating actors would be terrorists (not represented by states) or governments (that are not representative of their peoples), which makes nuclear weapons unthinkable and obsolete?