Gangs

 Gangsta's Paradise

what is a gang?  Google says, "a gang is a group or society of associates, friends, or members of a family with a defined leadership and internal organization that identifies with or claims control over a territory in a community, and engages, either individually or collectively, in illegal, and possibly violent, behavior."

Sounds like a country to me.  Or a government.   Or a military.  Or a branch of the military.  Or even just a single soldier.   

Army strong.  Be all that you can be.  Warriors wanted.     ...Whatever.

Ooh Rah

I had a dream I was in the US military, last night

I woke up in the midst of my speech to a superior, about wanting out.

Here’s my diatribe, on even further reflection-

Conscientious Objector

I will never be a part of a war machine.   Insofar as the military works for peace, I am willing to assist in any way possible.  But I will not die for my country.  I love my country, but I love my life more, my planet more, my fellow homo sapiens, and my God, more than I do some silly flag and national anthem and schoolbook history lessons.  I am a member of humanity, not America.  I am a human being first.  I have always been for peace.   I was an International Relations major in college.  I have read Hiroshima.  War is hell.  Why would anyone in their right mind support killing strangers, unless they were pathological or criminal?  War is mindless killing.   I will not ever submit to a spineless hierarchy of military orders.  I love my country, but I also love my fellow man.   I am more of a humanist than I am a nationalist.  I am pro-life.   I don’t even believe in killing animals for food.   And you better believe that humans are just animals!  I would rather be locked up for being unpatriotic than participate in so base an institution.  Killing is wrong.  War is even worse.  Mindless submission to a president/ commander-in-chief, is not my idea of virtue.  What WOULD I die for?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.   If aliens want to take over, they can go right ahead.   We’re all going to die, in any case.   There are no causes greater than myself.  It’s a dog eat dog world, and I will not fall for any hooha about heroism or honor.   God bless everyone.  Countries are legal fictions.  They do not exist.  Just like rights.   Or “God”, as a supposed consciousness behind (destructive) Acts of God.  Nuclear weapons are not the answer, and never have been.  Atomic bombs, biological weapons, chemical warfare, flamethrowers, machine guns, I hold no illusions about the rottenness and immorality of the so-called Department of Defense.   The whole fucking thing is offensive.  God is love, and also a man of war, and if he really loves us, he will prevent war from happening in the first place.  And maybe he doesn’t.  But I do.

Conscientious Partiicipant

God is a man of war.  War against war, the psy war against hostility, in the first place.  The art of diplomacy, and good international relations, and mutual assistance, and working together for the betterment of mankind, of our planet, and all its life.  A global economy that works for everyone.  A global society that respects all cultures, religions, political systems, and has open borders for trade, tourism, migration, and work.  People should be able to go anywhere, love anyone, and think or say anything.  That is my belief.  Organizations like MSF and the UN and Mercy for Animals and Amnesty International and Greenpeace and Red Cross and even the Catholic Church or CJCLDS are all far better, more moral, institutions than the DOD.   The Pentagon, the military, the army/navy/air force/marines, are all prepared to fight, to murder, to kill, to injure, to hurt, to maim, and destroy.  The use of force.  Obey or die.  Fuck that.  Do good, or do nothing.  Military slavery is not my idea of virtue, love, kindness, compassion, bliss.   But you can do whatever the hell you want with your damn life, I’m not stopping you. 

Militantly pacifist

An oxymoron, a moron who buys oxy clean

Punk ass fist?  Milling it over, like the ant that I am

The Hitler of Pacifism

Feeling pacific over the pacific ocean

Peace-loving

The soldier loves his piece

Military intelligence (mil-intel?), a lord matter

   life or death

omg, prosciutto and anti shoot o

Guns for self-defense

Chess is war, so I don’t even play

"do-gooders" vs.  "do-badders" (it's not black and white)

an ecologist's argument for thinning the herd?

High Times

godtalk

A single being, with all the names of all the gods, and all the attributes, given him/her over the entirety of human/huwoman history/herstory.  Many facets of a single stone, here on the third rock from the sun, rock on.  Diamonds aren’t really forever, by the way, but God is always and everywhere, forever and ever, or so they say.  Infinitely good, loving.  Beneficent, merciful, kind, forgiving.  Yada yada.  God is also righteous and wrathful and just.   Vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord. God is a man of war.  War is the art of deception.  God can be anyone.  Treat everyone as if they were God.   Like they are your own mother.   Like they are in fact you, a twin, a clone, a cosmic encounter that happens in every lifetime maybe, or an interaction that calls for a loving energy, to make the universe a better place, so you can fulfill God’s purpose in you.  Or, if that’s too hokey, just be yourself, maybe a skeptical atheist, and don’t be bad, be good, and that’s all that’s required to be a deity, if you ask me.  Or if you believe the Bible, where it says Only God is good.  Most people are good, with or without God or religion, but sometimes we need a loving parent, or a powerful force, or someone to answer our prayers, or just a kindly soul to talk to and unburden ourselves with.  In the face of death and suffering and sickness and uncertainty, God is helpful.   Church can be trippy, too, like a drug.  Or a helpful place of community and friendship and fellowship, a resource, both spiritual and material.  Uplifting music, and inspiration, and escape.  A weekly ritual, to bring out the best in people.  A place to belong, to think, to get crazy, and to help others.  An expression of our highest ideals, virtue, peace, love, and happiness.   God is kind of a superhero, for adults.   A Santa Claus, maybe.  A genie, or someone who will answer your prayers by rearranging the universe to give you what you ask for.   A way to make reality a giant toy.  A higher power, like high on crack, or everest, or a president or pope, or all of the above, at the same time.  A god of light, a god of dreams, dreams come true, the american dream, Martin Luther King’s dream, or a tangerine dream.  Morpheus can make it happen.  And Buddha can make you Awake!  Is God a reasonable belief?  A helpful concept? I think so.   I get by with a little help from my friends.  

But I’m batshit crazy.   Don’t listen to me.  I hear voices.  I take medications.  I have a criminal record.  I hit a cop.  I accidentally killed my own sister.  I’m claiming to be God.   Even Jesus didn’t go that far.  I copulate with almonds.   I’m fucking nuts.  My ex left me.  I’m single and 50 years young and pick up dog poop for a living.  I’m a pro-life liberal.   I have symptoms.  I’m a mess.   I have head-shocks, chest pains, voices, tapping teeth.  My blog is 2 feet thick, printed.  I’m a deity that doesn’t believe in God, if that even makes any kind of sense at all.   I’m a resentful ball of rage and spite and malice.  I’m a harmless writer, just making blog posts.  I’m a wannabe bodhisattva, a source of loving-kindness and compassion.  We’re all in the same fucked up situation, getting closer to death on this mad crazy insane ball of ecosystems hurtling through space, a dark and lonely and cold and meaningless universe, which I assume is just as temporary a phenomenon as any of our paltry, puny, pathetic blips of existence that we are, ourselves, when our lives are said and done.  Life is absurd, so be yourself, and try to have fun and be happy, any which way you can.  Love?  Library materials?  Music?  I like magic and comedy and taiko and parkour and cirque and ridiculousness.  I like Joe Frank, and Ted, and Wikipedia, and online classes like Masterclass or the OYC (Yale), etc.   I like soccer highlights and bodybuilding inspiration and family photos on Instagram and pictures of scantily clad women like on suicide girls or porn or whatever.  Pinterest is fun, and I like listening to the koran or rap or a catholic mass for an infusion of stimulating insanity.   I aspire to be strong, fit, healthy, well, and sane.  I don’t just want to maintain my body, I want to improve it.   So I do pushups, take the stairs, keep on walking, eat less meat, and make time to stretch, get enough sleep, and lift some weights in my room, like my vacuum or table or dumbbell.   If you want it done right, do it yourself.   Ooh rah.   My life is pretty good and I count my blessings, an attitude of gratitude.  Hope you enjoyed reading this.  This covid thing isn't done with us, so we may have to hunker down awhile longer.   I've got books, trivia, a kindle, my echo, and appreciative dogs to keep me going.

That’s all I have to say.

-Jess

God, Dios, Allah, Brahman

Unkulunkulu, Sahasranama. :-)

Yod Heh Waw Heh (YHWH)

Bog!  Shangdi,  Waheguru

   russians bogged down in theology

   what kind of guru are you, anyway? 

   uuuuu, aaaaa

   Y (female groin), W (two tits)

   yod is part of an odd god

   I used to have a cat named Zeus

SUGAR!!

Sugar "can cause diabetes, shortens your lifespan, and accelerates the aging process."

Ugh.   I'm an addict.  I got a box of See's peanut brittle for Xmas.

The battle with the bottle (and the brittle!)

Insight, incite, and internal site

 Blog

bull, OG (original gangster)

Below G, blow G, blo (cocaine)

be lamb of god, butt log, blah blah blah aug

saint, st., stop thinking, satan and santa

Podcast, prince of darkness, cast of characters

Being of light, blight

Open your eyes, and look within

Travel before you unravel, earn before you urn, stay 6 feet apart so you’re not 6 feet under

Bat, become a tree

satan, sit and think almost nothing

God-awful, awe-full, never-ending, profuse and profound

How things unfold, fall into place (Fell does origami)

Miles of smiles, happy happenings

Alice in Chains and the CIA

Jar of Flies vs. Tool (suicide or service)

God’s tool, instrument of your will

subjection, willing or unwilling, projection or dejection

Promiscuous professional professor proponent

protocol, procedure, and process

ROK, republic of korea, rubayyat of Omar khayyam

Peking, peeking, peaking, speaking, seeking, Sikh king

I like to read (and re-read) myself

Narcissistic author, self-possessed, self-absorbed

channeling, not necessarily ME, pozest

self-contained, in own world, self-referential

Kabbala insight, recursive fractal thought

Introspection, pow! Proud of own work

my baby, keep it up, keep it coming, lol

Sacred, sacerdotal, sacer (latin), saucer, saucy, sauer, priest, pre-st., sos, A1, another one bites the dust, Dustin dost dust off his Dusty Springfield album

G-D. Greatest dancer

I got colij, yes eye dew

Etymology of entomology, entombed Ents, buried trees, deep wood

Tim, MIT;   Tom, bon mot, Tammy, Tamara, only a day away

Metamorphosis, sister, sibling, nun, none, losing my religion, R.E.M.

Sister Sledge, sludge, wet mud, dumb, Harvey Mudd

Without love, there’s no reason to live; caught in a trap

vanity, sanity, manatee, hannity, Anna T

D.I.E. , distance in (your) eyes

Speed is a drug, traffic (moving drugs), movie, move e (ecstasy)

Mad dog, barking mad, red barchetta (rush song), pron.: bark-eta 

Dung beetle, cockroach, Kafka, and Camus (telling priest to go to hell)

Words of christ in red, I red that 

red letter editions, dominical words “rubricated”

lubricated, feel so alive, cold - cigarettes, orgasm, little death

toy, thinking of you;  lost, law st;   ex-Stacey

Cult, diffi-cult, easy does it, see your lifetime

livin’ in ecstasy (l.i.e.), love is everything

You eat what you’re served, you ate the plates of fate

Samsara and Gregor Samsa (Sam, Sara, and Greg)

broke, baroque, bark, and almond rocha, rake, reek, reich, rook

rack, wrack, wreck, Rick, rock, ruckus

Mike, Mick, and Mack, making a mockery

Stan, take a stand, I stand corrected, stan-is-loss county

bovid Ovid and covid, avid, gravid, livid, and David 

roku and sudoku and haiku and count dooku

boat, bait, bite, boot, beat;  bat bit butt-bot?, you bet!

deeply demonic Deedee

mama and papa-razzi

contemplation and protemplation

breath, breast

broth and Bnai brith, brie and brew

heroin isn't a heroine, 

mezcal isn't mescaline,

methamphetamine isn't methadone

drugs aren't necessarily ughs

radio, ray of dios

Chase miss pretty lies (misprinted)

Privacy is raked, prying eyes, PRI (mexican party)

Nutshell, I could find myself bounded by a nutshell, 

   and count myself king of infinite space -shakespeare (hamlet)

Shaking a spear, zulu nation, spirit, atlatl, chuck, javelin, lynn

Nutcracker, bust a nut, nutty, a little crazy, alcohol, haul

Pee, nut, butt;  pb and j - pat brown and jesse

jam, just a minute;  jollity and merriment

The blue diamond truckers really drive me nuts

driven, pure as the driven snow, motivated dedicated ooh rah

mci, mad crazy insane; mickey (beer, mouse)

Mad, angry (and/or) insane, mom and dad, magazine

Madden, madly in love, beyonce, beyond

Sanity of a manatee, placid as a cow, calm and tranquil

Dotcom, calm daughter, department of transportation

Adi da, yes?  Adidas, Audi Daw , Adidam and dom

Dominance and submission, dom perignon, domicile, dominican

Over and under, hierarchy and stratification, higher ark key (melting seas)

Purity and pollution, cleanliness and corruption

Sandalwood apparently has nothing to do with sandals

Sand dull, knife sharp, dullard with a sharpie

Establishment.  What is the point?  Shoot me an email

Pen is mightier than the sword.   Both penetrate.

Staring at stars, stairs, stereo, Fred Astaire, sterile steroids

The steppe, steps, stop, stippled, and staples, stupid stupa

genius genie named Jean with good genes

soldier, red soil (anagram)

God's adagio (adagio for strings, opus 11)

Alice's chalice, and Patton's paten

Neves (seven, backwards)

don't give me no lip (Life In Prison)

flaws, flops, floggings, flock of seagulls, flan, floss, flotsam

roommate Mike recommends Anton Petrov youtube videos

I like ridiculousness, juggling, cirque, magic, parkour, masd, an occasional mass

pc, peace conference

low-key Loki;  I like lakes;  Luke took a leak in the lake

TP, teepee, toilet paper, terry pratchett, thomas pynchon, tom petty

NG, no good, neil gaiman, national geographic

YT, yesterday and tomorrow, YouTube 

FB, facebook, flash briefing, french bread, freud and beyond

LT: long-term, lake tahoe, belt...Tesla (reminders) 

Mr. Wiener introduced himself so I could "put a name to a face" (lol)

crafty at CR: basketry, woodcarving, art, 

    photography, metalwork, leatherwork

pacifist on the warpath

   "punk-ass" pacifist's fist

enraged meditator

   or, attached to the bliss that comes with non-attachment

crazy psychiatrist, horror v. honor

   "falling in love is to a person what revolution is to a country"

     falling out of love, fool

dying doctors, priests going to hell, dour comedians,

ignorant instructors, genius idiots, humble gods

There, but for the grace of god, go I -john bradford, wiktionary

Oh darlin’, please believe me, I’ll never do you no harm -beatles

Ave Maria, ave hen and heaven..! (they like the dirt)

    Ave Maria;   A.M. in the morning

Good gawd, y’all !

Lordy, lordy, lordy

Jeezus effing cryst 

Christ- a kite with rice in it? Ho ho ho

marry krissmuss

   Skiers, kisser

trees, indoors? Inside the computer? 

  There’s always money in the banana stand, lol

shout out to the great Kate, presently opening presents, with prescience!

a word or tu

 god, group of disciples

Am big, ambiguities

working, were king

believe, be leaves, pages of holy books, inky dew

   my life is an open book, allah nature/nurture

   Dna letters, and microbiota in gut, on skin, etc. 

prayer, telling a perfect being how to do his job

Prayer and prey, done to death

Love a glove, smitten with a mitten

Papa, performing act, protective ancestors

  Popping pills. Pah!  

PT, pelvic thrust

teshara, as heart, earth, hater; t' Cher Ra, resentment, anger

666, fast food franchise, freedom from fear

Pay the Czech for your Danish

SAT, success and triumph

College ledge, “drop out” of college

uc, unhappy children, unhappy couple

hunter/shot caller, making calls (give me a ring!)

Dome of heaven, do/me

AOL, angel of lord, act of love

Meaning and significance of S and M

Coma, glaucoma, sarcoma

Sicko sycophants, teen routines

Larr and the blaring cleric, love wisdom trust

TT, tom teshara, terrible temper, turn tide, the truth, tourist trade

Resonance between residents at residence

Bull, bs, bible study, church, cerebral hemorrhage, carnegie hall

Bible, parable, papal bull / terrible, horrible, possible, raging bull

Nazi, not see, see’s candies, sea/c/si; idle, idol, dull eye

Essay, SA, self-aware, sexual athlete, good mind (gone out of damn mind), South america, south africa, Saudi arabia, self-aggrandizement

A color guard, guarding colors!??  

   Absurd sword, barmy army, infantile infantry

credibility, liability, responsiblity, disability (lies, response, disrespect abilities!)

Instruments and experiments and breath mints

presidents, precedent, precedence

Shout out, shot out, (baseball) shutout, shit out

Stereo, and staring at each other

Retired human cannonball: ringmaster asks where can I find a replacement of his caliber?

Racking your brain, wracked with grief

Perfect ten, attention, listening, tenderness

God, granting order and decorum

Phd, privation hunger disease

Beautiful and Magnificent BM

Retching wretch, groveling gravel, miserable upset despondent mud

Piss and shit, pleasure principle, piles of old photos

Csf, california scholarship federation, coitus sodomy fellatio

Free spirit from SF

Grades: attachment, affection

   brokenness, beauty, 

   care, confusion, conflicts, compassion, commitment

   fear, freedom, effort

   career and future

Resemble and re-assemble

Agitated adjutant

Argument, anger, aggression

Winding up the wind

Crowded with dead crows

A kind touch from Katie

Pro life and life-support

Writing things down, be right down, left up, left standing

Right back, left behind, abundance, abandonment

pain, weakness, difficulty, humility

Journal, jour-null, nothing of the day

divinity, identity, a little bit (itty it)

Highly accomplished, ha

Now is the time, always; eternal present

Quitting wit, doing dour

Not Always So

sad, a sense of alienation, distance

gloom and glue

cot, concealment of truth

lies, prevarication, k shun

lyre and lye and my lai

divinity of deity, and the department of defense

holy, sacred, transcendent, timeless

divinity, deity, gods, goddesses

alone, still, and silent

wit, what IS this?

desire, grasping, consumerism, addiction, getting, having, being better than

busy-ness and business, mundane, small, and somewhat unconscious

asleep, lonely

connection, awake

renunciation, disenchantment 

   re/nun/cia/shin;  chant/mint, mental

new lease on life

authors give sentences: lock up readers? 

   jailed, imprisoned, incarcerated, confined?

   ends after a period

orpheus and morpheus

noble, no bull

teaching without saying anything

lesson, less on;  school is cool;  edge-ucating fish

jesse teshara, jess, jest, jetta, jete (ballet move), jessant, j'suis

a running engine? a living room? mean time?

pirouette and piro-dry

invigorating, insane (in an inne with Anne)

pilgrim, and grimly taking pills

whole and healed, hole and heel

restored, and going to the store again

a head-off collision!

10, tentative, tenebrious, tenements

sit, speak in tongues, share in totality

vow, (shared) view of world

golden door, G-D

grieving over dead

everything changes, even change

all things in moderation, including moderation

bc, bill clinton, baptist church, before christ

pa, panic attack, performance art

rely, re-lie

bf, best friend, boyfriend, butt fuck, bfd

wanting out

reaching out

re lay shun ship, a dick shun, hanging out, enterprise

love, evolution, velcro

roma, amor, rameau, omar

intimacy, romance, love

love is a form of madness (FM radio)

ed, euphoria/dread, erectile dysfunction, embrace destiny

WC Fields wins a fields medal for wisdom, compassion

randy for brandi

at peace with a piece of ass

irl and call-girls

frame of reverence

allah, buddha, christ, deity, elohim

say, struggle against yourself, sage, saint, savior

being of light, angel, bodhisattva

aha! awe, AH, ahhh

humdrum banality of everyday life (hum! drum!)

dost thou dust thy book-elves?

castro, jihad (castration, had g)

star wars is Luke-ra-tive

Star Wars, Star Trek, Starbucks

SH!! senate hearing, sacred heart

SI, spiritual implosion, cosmic expansion

eminem mounting a mountain man

traverse the perverse, expect the unexpected

generic, jen and erik; patron, pat and ron

transmission of and on a trans mission

remission and on a mission again

redemption, and empty of red

sect sectors, turf and set-trippin' bangers

paving paradise, bettering the lot of humanity, plot

pine and spruce, street people, prayer shawl, sao paolo, power and success, sagittarius and pisces, stock portfolio

j/k, just kidding, jack kilmartin, rowling, joke, joe frank, jackknife, carjack 

aries, libraries, militaries, boundaries

tots, taught, distraught

lionizing a gazelle

tears like diamonds