LUE

Meaning of L,U, and E

Okay, so, what should I write about.   What do you want to read, prospective reader?

Hm, the meaning of life, the universe, and everything? Who am I?  Where am I going?  What is the purpose for being?  How does one eliminate suffering, find permanent happiness, and become Enlightened?  What is Reality?  How does the toaster work?  Is it possible to be high on heroin for the rest of your lifetime?  Is there a better way?  What is the most genius sentence ever written?  What does altricial mean?  Who were the Hutterites?

Okay, first things first.  The meaning of life is to be kind, not mean.  Life’s a bitch, and then you die, they say.  Don’t make it any worse than it has to be.  Be friendly.  Be good.  Life is what you think, say, do, and be, for the 90 or so years you’re alive on this floating rock in space.  You make your own meaning.  A bitch is a female dog.  Dogs are a man’s best friend.  All dogs go to heaven.  If life is a bitch, then maybe you should get a new dog.  Or even a cat.  Cats are pussies.  You should be hitting that, doggy style.  Am I making sense?  Perfumers make scents.  The mint makes cents.  Talking Heads say stop making sense.  Sensible rhymes with comprehensible, reprehensible, indefensible, indispensable, compensable, condensable, extensible, ostensible, apprehensible, and commonsensible.  Got it?  Good.   If you want to be poetic, you can construct a meaningful utterance out of that list of words, such as:  To be ostensibly indispensable, you should be comprehensible and apprehensible and commonsensible, when indicting the reprehensible and indefensible.   Get paid for a summary?  compensable for something condensable.  Are you enlightened yet? No?  Stick with me, we’ll get there.

Life.  Life is a cereal.  It’s also a magazine.  Life is living, hopefully more than just being alive.  Alive!  (the exclamation point is important).  Rhymes with thrive.  If you put a ‘V, E’ after being low, you might get LOVE.  Not a bad insight, no?  Well, I like that sort of thing.   You gotta do what makes you happy.  Life rhymes with knife and strife, but also with wife and fife.  Make a little love, get down tonight.  Go to war, win a fight.   Maybe that just means winning a game of chess.  You don’t want society to be rife with knife strife.  Life is an anagram of file and I, elf.  You are small, like an elf, don’t ever forget it, you stinking puny measly hobbit.  You should put books about elves on your shelves.  You are ruled by spells.   Rhymes add power and punch.   Alliteration and assonance are nice, too.  Gospel mean’s God’s spell.   Did you know that?

The study of life is biology.  There are textbooks that go on and on, in depth, about the subject.  If you’re into cells and carbon-based life forms and plants and animals, you can study cytology, anthropology, botany, zoology….  And if you want to make a baby, well that’s life, too.   What does it all mean?  Nothing, really.   You live, then you die.   Once you’re dead, that’s it, kaput.  You’re just a worm, a tube from mouth to anus, programmed by your dna to survive and reproduce, who happens to be a human, so you can use words and computers and cars and such, 

and read libraries, watch tv and movies and youtube videos (or just people watch at the park), listen to music, go to classes, make money, teach, start a family, eat at restaurants, exercise at the gym, talk on the phone, write letters and essays and poems and novels and short stories and blogs,  do science, research any question you can think of, build stuff, solve problems, make crafts, be artistic, play and have fun, and of course nap, sleep, meditate, veg, and otherwise do nothing but simply breathe and be.  

    Did I leave anything out?  Thinking.  You can sit around and think.   Mental masturbation, on the one hand, or cogitative reflection, on the other.   It’s all good.  Except the knife strife.   Trust me, you can do without that.   Do the hokey pokey, and turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about.  Really.   There’s not much more to it.  Life is where you go, moving things around -  in a word: logistics.  Physics is another word for it, I guess.   The study of motion.   Lawyers make motions.  Songs evoke emotions.  Movies move e.   There’s a movie called traffic, about drugs, like E (ecstasy).   Cola is a drug, too, if you misspell physics as fizzics.  Anyway, 

Live is evil, backwards.  Devil is lived, backwards.  God is dog, backwards.  Does that make sense?  Doe, a deer, a female deer.   Oh, dear.  Deer is Reed, backwards.  Wordplay is one way to spend your time.  Wired is a weird word for someone on coffee.  And coffee is close to coffin.  A boffin on coffee is often in a coffin, by the age of being a sage.   Huh?  What?   Suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me… ftpa!!  Right on!  

This is boring and retarded.   Read something else.  I haven’t even gotten to the Universe bit.  Catholic means universal, but they’re anything but, as I see it.  They would say they should be, of course.  But life is better when varied, diverse, and split into tribes and countries and cultures and languages and races and religions and cops and robbers.   Right?  Aren’t we already in heaven?  Yes!  Let’s hear if for Nature and Libraries and Sports teams and Sushi!  A round of applause for Music and Movies and Books and Gyms and Universities and Bars!  Plaudits and kudos for the Internet and Wikipedia and Google and Ted and the Onion!  Hup hup!  Family and Friends, and Sex and Massage, and Health and Happiness!  Comedy!  Beauty!  Even Church, if that’s your thing.  Yay, technology!  Yes!  Community, and Democracy, and Freedom!  And Peace!  Thanks, God!  America, the Beautiful.  Law and Order.  Bliss.

Sunshine, and cool breezes, and refreshing swimming pools, and birds chirping, the surf washing ashore, the goodwill of happy people.  That’s enough for today.