Off to Belize!

update

So I'm flying with friends to Belize this week.  30th thru 5th.  Then back to dogwalking.  I was told over Thanksgiving dinner by those in the know (Chris and Sarah had their honeymoon there) to bring mosquito repellent.  Flip-flops might be good.  I have sandals.  I'm reading Moby Dick, The Economist, and of course the Belize lonely planet guide (with a section on Caye Caulker).  I've got Belize City weather on my phone.  Looks like thunder storms!  I'll bring my meds, my phone, my book, enough clothes, and repellant, along with my passport, in just one carry-on (that fits overhead).  Don't need much.  It's a chill-out destination.   I'll help Pierre and Sara with Augustus, kinda like a nanny.  My folks are helping with the airfare.  I'm always updating my budget (daily), and I have about $4100 bucks.  I don't need to bring much, I think.  I should say I'm thinking of buying an e-bike.  People always ask, are you excited?  No.  Not much.  I'm just hoping for safe flights, a safe water taxi to the island, not getting robbed, and not getting Zika!  I've had a rough week, symptom-wise.  Schizophrenia is a BITCH.  Really, seriously, hellish, sometimes.  Not just annoying, but painful.  Maybe I need a med adjustment.  Anyway, I helped my folks with the Christmas lights on their tree today, in San Francisco.  I took Bart out to Glen Park, and rode the 23 bus up Monterey.  Greg helped bring the tree in, yesterday.  I hope the lights don't start a fire.  We split the strings to two outlets, to be safer (the base of the bottom string got hot, and blew a fuse).  Benjamin's new brother or sister is due soon.  Uncle Jesse, otra vez.  Tio Chuy.   We don't know the sex, or name, yet.  They speak English in Belize, former British colony.  Thanksgiving dinner was delicious.  I offended Liz' dad, John, by not greeting him, which I feel bad about.  There were 13 of us, plus bump...  I just immediately started playing with Ben, instead of being social.  He said I discarded him like an old shirt, or something.  I don't know what to say to that.  Well, so it goes.  Ugh.  Sorry. I sat next to the sheriff, Vicki.  I asked her if her email server was secure, lol.  And she read the Terry Pratchett book I gave her last year (with commander Vimes).  I had a burrito again from La Corneta, at Glen Park (carne asada super, black beans, spicy salsa), with a snapple.  I like the trivia.  Today's fact?  I forget.  But I told my mom that jellyfish don't have brains.  Which I picked up from the "weird-o-pedia" Oakland library book that I just renewed online yesterday.   I forget why the topic of fish brains came up.   And I forget what airline we're taking.  I have the itinerary in my (greatly backlogged) email.   I remember what I forget, lol.   It was good seeing (my cousin) Patrick.  He wants to backpack Europe (maybe alone), which sounds fun, if/after he gets approved for permanent disability.  My status will be reviewed in 2018.  I hope I get well, but I also am anxious about losing my benefits.  I didn't win yesterday's lottery, lol.  I got 47, though.   DoG!   I see all these homeless people, and freaks me out, but on the other hand, maybe I can find a rewarding and enjoyable career.  But I also want to read hundreds of books, to say nothing of the daily/weekly news (ny times / economist).   I'm not sure I want to pursue dating.    Maybe I'm better off alone.  Sara and Pierre could move to New York, if bitcoin gets approved for atm's there, I think is the situation.  I'm still listening to a lot of music, mostly college radio.   10:20, past my bedtime.  JT :-)  goodnite.

Does Anyone Deserve to Die?

I say no

Everyone dies, the wages of sin is death, there is not one who does not sin.  Only God is good.  Only God should play God, and by God, I mean nature/time.   Everyone should die of old age.  Premature and unnatural death is wrong.  Thou shalt not kill, vengeance is mine sayeth the lord.  Karma is a natural justice system, unlike the forced human legalistic one.  Even torturers and terrorists should not be killed.  Life is good!  Life is a gift, precious, and temporary.  Prison, not death, is a better punishment.  The best justice system, however, is repentance, forgiveness, and freedom.  Repentance and the resolve to be good, not to commit crime.  "Go forth, and sin no more" should be the end of it.  Adding punishment to the original crime only adds to the suffering in the world.  There is always the possibility of virtue, being/doing good, in the future.  All life has meaning and value.  Hate the sin, love the sinner.  Killing killers isn't justice, it's hypocrisy.  

Reasons NOT to kill

As if you need to be told

1. Aids.  prison rape.  incarceration.  hell (on earth).
2. Hell (forevermore)
3. Love.  The victim loves/is loved (parents, family, soulmate).
4. God's law.  God says not to.  Sinful ('Thou shalt not kill')
5. The victim has a long life ahead of him/her.  Finality of death (life unlived).
6. It's suicide.  The victim is you.
7. The victim has character, is interesting.
8. karma. justice. vengeance. ("the price of sin is death")
9. suffering.  theirs, yours.  guilt.  animals'.  well-being.
10. k-ill.  it's sick, unhealthy, diseased, unwell, ill.
11. it's criminal.  self-image: you are not a criminal.  you are good.  you are not a sinner.  you love yourself.  self-respect.
12. just to prove you're not possessed, to defy the devil, to have mastery over your dark side, to be like yoda.
13. the greater good, everyone is better off alive, life is good.
14. to set an example.  live and let live.
15. to resist temptation.  superego vs. id.  supremacy of conscience over hate.
16. to go to heaven.  (joyful immortality) (heavenly reward)
17. for love

In sum,
sin, guilt, crime, punishment, hell, foregoing heaven/love, respect, self-respect, maturity, willpower, kindness, perspective (we're all in the same boat), righteousness, hope.

fuck you, Satan!
(demons, hellions, vampires, monsters, criminals, the wicked -are not your 'crew')

happiness, bliss
pacifist.
No one deserves death.
Everyone is their own universe.
No one lives forever.
Time entails potential for progress.
Everyone's life has meaning.
Let God play God.  Acts of God.  Time/Nature (senescence, old-age) are best.
Murder has 4 victims (victim, perp, loved ones', society)
Sex, intimacy, touch, orgasm, ecstasy.
loss, grief, sadness, pain, despair.
Life is good!!

Trains, Trains, and More Trains!

train of thought, locomotive breath
4 names: choo-choo train locomotive (and iron-horse)

engine, injun
crazy train (all aboard!!)
casey jones, grateful dead.  drivin' that train, high on cocaine..
   (casey jones you better watch your speed. trouble ahead, trouble behind..)
   (and you know that notion just crossed mind!)
loco, crazy.  motive, component of a crime.
   (a locomotive is different from a train.  i didn't learn that til yesterday!)
   (an engine is a pretty loco motive to commit a crime)
   (but maybe an injun isn't)(the train made me do it!)
choo-choo (sound of the whistle)
iron-horse (how many horsepower?)
whistle, horn, bell.   steam whistle.  air horn.  brass bell.
toot toot! honk honk! ding ding!
clang clang!  (crossing guard, signal)
     (uh-oh! watch out! beware! caution! look out, here i come.)
      here it comes.  getting closer.  waving. hi! going past.  bye!
steam engine.  black smoke, white steam.
burning coal heats the water into steam to power the engine
steam pressure, let off some steam, release
old steam engine train, cow-catcher, caboose
cargo/freight train.  passenger train.  amtrak.  bart.  light rail. muni.
trolley, street car.  electric trains.  third rail.  overhead power lines.
diesel engines.  tssss.  brakes hissing, like a snake.  sibilant.
training bra.  c.i.t. (counselor in training), sports training
flat cars, box cars, tank cars
piggy back shipping containers, intermodal
bridges, ascent, descent, up up, down down, climb,  coast
i think i can i think i can.  the little engine that could.
through the tunnel, inside the mountain, light at the end of the tunnel
runaway train (movie)
derail, (derailed train of thought)
tracks, rails, ties, spikes, rock/gravel bed
toy trains, thomas, lego trains, xmas trains, narrow gauge
the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys
chugga chugga, chuff chuff chuff...
"de-train" (term used by amtak conductor)
engineer, conductor
sleeping car, dining car, viewing car
double-decker, coast starlight express, capitol corridor
anna karenina/suicide
tied up on the tracks / homicide
ellen trainor (actress), E.T.
pull, push
"shunting wagons"
coupling
trucks, trailers, trains, tracks, tram, trolley, travel, trip, trippy
roundabout rotates, swivels
scenery
old/new, bullet trains, maglev (magnetic levitation)
commuter trains, stations, station-master, stationary
museum, wikipedia, youtube videos, google pics, tilden park
zoo train, disneyland train
choo choo Chuy.  chew your food.  charleston chew. chewbacca.

American Money

3 stats

The average American is

$15,762 in credit card debt
with
$27,141 in auto loans
and
$48,172 in student loans
----------
$91,075!

The average household income is $53,482
Trump wants us to double it.

Me?
I don't have any debt.   I only buy with what I have, within budget.
I get free food pantry groceries.   free library!
my brother pays for my iphone (ongoing xmas gift)
my mom pays for my gym membership ($35.20/mo)
My rent is $725 (includes wifi/utilities), (about a dollar/hour!)
(I get $615 in social security/mo)
I have a disability (schizophrenia, a mental illness)
(i use a disability bart pass) (i'm on the Kaiser medi-medi plan)
(my meds -olanzapine, risperdal- are $1.20 (!), plus free dental, vision)
(my folks are paying for my trip to Belize with Sara, Pierre, Augustus)
I have made $4280.10 to date from Wag! (sinch March this year)

today
I have $4066.12 in checking plus savings, a/o today.
I am currently reading Moby Dick, by Herman Melville
income-
    - I have a noon half-hour walk today with Toshi, in Oakland  :-)
expenses-
    - No car: I bike, bart, or bus (mostly bicycle)
    - I'll visit the Apple store today to fix my ipad; and get phone help:
     (center button doesn't work, and photos are out of memory)
     - And i need to renew my driver's license at the dmv. 

Making America Greater Again

Trump

Well, the USA will have a new pres on 1/20/17, and it's The Donald.  Amazing.  The polls yesterday said he only had a 16% chance.  My uncle won the bet he made with my bro's wife.  I voted Hillary, less enthusiastically than my vote for Bernie, and read her entire wikipedia article, read the first 200 (of 900, large print) pages of her Hard Choices book, and looked at her website.  She'd been preparing for president almost her whole life (aside from wanting to be an astronaut).  I never read Trump's wikipedia page.  I haven't even seen his tv show.  I'm not even clear on what's attractive about being conservative, truth told.  I know Hillary used to be Republican, and Trump used to be a Democrat.  I watched Oliver's youtube videos about the wall, and drumpf, and raisins, as well as the litany of Trump's offensives from Seth Meyers, and it all sounded pretty convincing.  I still don't think the wall is going to happen (at least on budget, or paid for by Mexico!!).   I actually believe in open borders and precedence of humanism over nationalism.  I barely even consider myself an American.  When I recited the pledge of allegiance as a teenager at the Boy Scout summer camp, I changed it to united states of the "world", and to the "unity" for which it stands, one "planet" under (or over!) God.  I was hoping he would get a tv channel, and Hillary would show us what she could do, having achieved her life's ambition.

I guess the election was kind of a personality-contest.  Trump is occasionally funny, while Hillary always seemed dour, and her giddiness feigned (to me).  Also, there's "the secret", which says you shouldn't be against war, for example, because that just causes more war; you're supposed to be FOR something.  Hillary made the campaign less about pro her than about against DJT, which only worked to his advantage.  Thirdly, Hillary is pro-choice, which, in my view, really does make her a "nasty woman" (which is better than calling her a baby-killer).  Hillary is personally against abortion, but didn't have the cajones to be for legislating prohibition of what she actually considers wrong.  Then again, I wouldn't enforce vegetarianism...

ANyway, I liked Trump's brief acceptance speech.  It was inspiring, the bit about untapped potential.  I myself am trying to escape the hindrance of being mentally ill.  America is already great, but twice as good sounds even better!  Did I hear him correctly? He wants us to double our GDP?  I'd like to make twice as much, for one.   He made his victory about us, less about him, which I liked.  I'm trying to be positive, making good of this.  (He who creates hell deserves hell.  If he's really for torture worse than waterboarding, then that's evil.  That will not make America safer.) I know he collects bibles.  Does he have a Koran?  Does he believe in karma?  There are 1.6B muslims in the world, almost a quarter of humanity.  They are not the enemy.  Only a few.  He pledged to serve all Americans, and that's quite a diversity!  And a public servant should be about reducing suffering, increasing happiness, and not simply the almighty dollar.  God is love, and love believes all things.  I'll try and believe Trump will be a fantastic president!  And maybe the Waltons won't be as selfish, for example.  The red hats, I hope, are not code for HAT-RED.

I actually like raisins, lol

electric!

Some thoughts, having drunk the electric kool-aid

I am shocked!  Currently charged with battery?
Could I speak with who's in charge?
elect Rick!  he has +'s and -'s, though.  elect Ron.
does he live in the tri-city area?
the train conductor will take you there
coffee makes me wired
we made a connection
after meditating, i was grounded
ac/dc rocks
i'll contact my agent
knowledge is power
in shock, needing medical assistance
electrocution reminds me of bug-zappers (and fry's electronics)
electro-magnetic (energy, spectrum, radiation)
force fields
resistance is futile
breakers on the beach
use the force, luke
pee: power, electricity, energy

The Latest

the late test
my personal "noose"paper
good mourning

busy day today
1.reported last months income/paystubs to social security (self-employed, independent contractor)
2.library- skim ny times, acquire food resource sheets to distribute to beggars
3.gym- watched tv during stationary bike, learned about 9 day stock market record
4.gnc -$87.58 of food.  free protein bar. (member discount, plus coupon)
5.3 dogwalks, 2 hourlongs, 1 half hour.  I really don't like night walks.
   (Sparkle, Zephyr, and Tank)(made $63.50)
   (i still have $50 itunes, $50 amazon)
6.bkly food pantry- shorter line than usual, 2+ bags of groceries
7.also, McGee church free lunch, plus "shopping" table of 3 salads, and 1 wrap.

esp
extra sensory perception
every single problem
espanol (spanish, in spanish)
esp.  especially

music
a. the universal language
b. the healing force of the universe

body types
Rusty Jeffers, John Terilli, Ashrita Furman
Jim Morris (vegetarian bodybuilder)
(I bought 2 strawberry gnc amplified wheybolic extreme 60's today, with coupon)

everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

apocalypse conversation:
M- "The Gospel teaches love, not the apocalypse "
(in reference to Harold Camping, a "very bad theologian" who "missed the rapture and got to die like the rest of us."  died in 2013.  the end-times hoopla I remember was in 2011.  I heard him on the radio while I was tuning in to the World Series.
J-Aren't there 4 horsemen?
 M-"lots of imagery.  horsemen, angels, vials of wrath and plague and pestilence, lots of symbolism: Christ the Lamb slain..."
J-The wages of sin is death, there is no one without sin.  So the victory of good over evil is when we all die (I interpret that individually, not a collective extinction).   How's my theology, presbyter?  I had a delicious lamb gyro the other day, lol.  Poor Christ, always getting eaten.  I think the worms must have got him long ago.
M- "The wages of sin are death, but the free gift of God is Eternal life through Jesus Christ.  Romans 6.23.   Salvation is a gift we receive by faith."
J- Well his beliefs I guess are an ongoing ("living") meme.  Belief= be lie F, whatever that means.  Be truth A?  I don't think oblivion can be overcome by anyone, faithful or no.  But I'd like to be surprised.  Flying horses are kind of like Santa's reindeer!

similar-sounding, easily confused words:
simulated, stimulated

recent reflection
feeling asexual, misanthropic, possessed/sick, even dumb
sss.   social security, sibilance, still sad about Sarah Salazar.
         g-d (dead and gone)

v's
'why don't you order the economist'
'it makes you feel well'
'i'm swallow, jess'
 'your soul is toll militant'
'it's a weed puppet'
'you ARE my money.  huh.'
i know you'll turn eventually
into a somewhat human person
you're law as well
i know you're a vegetable
is why i know it's weird
i fucking can't do it.  i can't do anyone.  because you're law.
u r loose if e
jess you still trip out everybody
i'm not right (x3)
i've never been capable of handling you
no more sugar for the next year, do you understand?
you have a fat ten
that is a fat jew to you
no one has ever done what you did
jess u r a little bit genius interesting
you killed my children jess
you can be Satan jess
here's why.  you're law
that is your net
that is your weekly problem
jess you've got it all me to slay
you have what it takes to become an exTREMEly well individual

recently read books:
Grunt, by Mary Roach
Between the World and Me, Ta Nehise Coates
The Box, by Marc Levinson

on deck: Belize (travel guide), Moby Dick, Weird-o-pedia,
Hard Choices (by HRC)
(also hard) looked into Hard Problem, a play by Stoppard
   -my cousin-in-law, Dan Clegg, is in the A.C.T. play currently underway (the review i read online by Rowan Hooper of the New Scientist was unappreciative- think I'll skip it)

dinner on Sunday with parents in SF
will bring for mom:  tupperware, (repaired) bracelet (bday gift),
oatmeal raisin cookie from Adeline's bakery.
can of cranberry sauce.