Labels

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Symbolisms in Nature

The fusion of words with nature: God is One

Specifically, in Cobb, where I live.
This is by request, for Theresa.

"Because you know sometimes words have two meanings" -Led Zeppelin

To be honest, everything in nature is nature, and natural, no matter how contrived or human, so this kind of thinking applies anywhere. But I've found on my walks, thinking about what I see, that pretty much everything has alternate meanings. I consider the depths of meaning in objects around me to be spells, and using these spells to be like wizarding, as if I were Harry Potter or whatnot.

I would like to share some of them. Consider this Hogwart's. This is spellcasting 101, which even muggles can do.

There are pine needles on the ground, and so I think of needles like hospital needles (just as the ivy could be i.v., i.e. intravenous), heroin needles, record needles, and need less. There are rocks, which can be considered rocks, stones, pebbles, gravel, and boulders, along the categories of igneous, metamorphic, or sedimentary, my dear Watson. Rock is crack cocaine, or rock music (and roll, which is a homonym for role, which makes me think of acting, in drama, tv, movies, and life) (roll is also a bread form), or the wrestler The Rock, or to athletically rock, as if a rock were a command to make a sprint or jog powerfully, or Jesus. I am a rock, I am an island. Stones can be the rolling stones, which took their name from rock and roll, which came from the Bob Dylan song like a rolling stone, which is all about.. well, read the lyrics: (http://www.mldb.org/song-9752-like-a-rolling-stone.html). Basically, to be on your own. It makes me think of the desolate time in my life when I was stranded on the side of a highway at night, far from home, without a wallet. Anyway, getting stoned would be the other meaning, which is obviously getting high on pot, but also the fate of the first martyr, St. Stephen, whose namesake was my grammar school. Pebbles makes me think of the Flintstones, childhood partner of Bam-Bam. Or pebble beach. Gravel makes me happy. I'm sick of pavement. That's all I need to think about. Boulders can be Boulder, Colorado (I've never been there, so that doesn't mean much to me) or bolder. On my walks, I thought it might be fun to give different rocks the names of different rock bands. That got old though, so I stopped doing it. Gravel can also be the politician who was running for president, Mike Gravel. I, S, and M rocks evoke the many isms of our world, on this 3rd rock from the sun. That's only two objects.

Should I go on? You get the picture. Oh why not.

Along the drug line, there's needles, rock, crack, coke (cans), and grass. Water is called "the drink" and there are areas that are lush. It's kind of unfortunate that all these beatiful things in nature have all these ugly connotations. Well, they're not ugly necessarily. Pot may have contributed to my being schizoaffective, though. I get needle injections every two weeks, too. We usually have coke around the house. We have a lawn. On the road I walk, there are bumps and lines, too. A white line, as a matter of fact. The yellow line makes me think of an overdose, or yell ow. Window panes (wind ow pain), paint (pain cross), pillows (ack ill ow, pill ow, pill low, p.l.o), couch (c ouch), cow (c ow), charm (c harm), shell gasoline (S hell), carpet (seize the cross), wall (wa all), and propane (pro-pain) all fall along these lines, to get away from the more "natural" scenery of my walks. Cracks are in the road (which makes me think of Rhodes scholars), which is made of concrete (Hong Kong, the island of Crete), asphalt (ass fault), pavement (a band), and cement (cross seamen, like on a submarine).

Tree was the name of a comedian I saw in Davis. It is also the nickname that was given to my wife's sister when she played basketball in school (her friend was called Plant). There's the Jesse tree, and data trees, and the flow of my thought on any particular walk. It makes me think of the number three. Jesus, nailed to a tree (in the words of the Jesuit song), with three nails. I drove a "three on the tree" Mercury comet (black). There was snow out yesterday morning on my walk. Pure as the "driven" snow. Snow, of course, is cocaine. Bark can also be the action of dogs. There's the joke about wok-ing your dog. I look at leaves as I leave the house, and I think of Leif Ericson, and Eriksson phones, and cell phones, and phones in jailcells, and the phone in my head (in cells?), and phonies. Tree is also genealogy, which makes me think of family, past and future, adopted and genetic, nuclear and the larger human family, and kingdom phylum class order family genus species. The bible talks of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and the tree of life. Trunks could be storage lockers or elephant appendages. Elephants never forget. A trunk is also called a bole, like kitchen bowls or bowling.

I'm just getting started.

Skyy is vodka, and blue is sadness, and the musical genre, the Blues. Clouds are like an acid (ass id?) trip, seeing sound (i.e. louds). Branches exist of religions (in sects, insects) and banks. Twigs are like Twiggy. Sticks is the band Styx, named after the mythological river. I like the Nestle chocolate stix, especially with tea. There's stickiness, and (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SAP)and people sticking together, and jailbirds sticking each other with shivs. There are blades of grass (gr ass). So, in addition to stabbing, there's leaving, like leaving this world, and pine...sorrow after death. Pine cones are very p.c. which stands for so many things it's ridiculous (like personal computer, of course, but also pillow case, paper clip, pro-choice, politically correct, potentially challenging etc.). Cones make me think of pylons, or "witches hats", as well as the coneheads ("we are from france"). We have frogs up here, which is a slur for a 'french man.' A horse (heroin) has a frog under it's hoof. Heroin is a homonym for heroine. There's light, for being light-hearted, or not heavy (in thought or in weight), and shadow (Mordor, where the shadows lie, and slim shady, eminem). Aka, Jesus and Sauron. Colors have meanings, which I've written about.

Houses make me think of the tv show House, or ho use (a command to get a prostitute?), and windows are win the dow (investing in the stock market), the wind feeling pain (smacking into the pane), mace windu, wynn (of the movie Spawn) dozing, and wind o's, for whatever you want that to mean (like farting during sex). Screens can be job interviews, and the wall can be a Pink Floyd album, or Republican hegemony (a scary thought), i.e. Dubya all. Doors is a band, and handles are internet monikers, and a roof is, to be a little crazy, 666. Gardens are guardin', whether that be a security service or a basketball position or whatever. A gar is a kind of fish. A garage could be gay rage.

Wood is 'would', and bay leaves are me leaving the bay area, and madrone and manzanita are mad-man, like Ted Nugent, the motor city one. Pine trees are PT, my mom. Dog is a bounty-hunter, dawg. I used to say 'yar, dude' when I wanted to sound like a pirate. I guess that's yard. Bird are cold (brr) or Larry Bird or R&D (research and development) on bisexuals, bye, or buying. People eat crow. I knew a Jackie Crow. There's the movie The Crow. Cro-magnons. Woodpeckers like Woody Harrelson or erections. Flies, like fly girls or the lord of the flies, or hannibal lecter telling Starling to fly, fly, fly. Speaking of HL, there's reflectors (ref Lecter) in the road, and ivy on the side (like the Ivy league, of which H is most famous). Also, in relation to mace windu, the jedi, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Plants are also places where things are constructed. I live near an oxygen plant. I work at a carbon dioxide plant. We share resources.

That was all from memory. Okay, I'm back from my walk, and I found a few other things to mention. Puddles (like poodles; Mr. Putin has a poodle) of mud (my name is Mudd (it might actually have been), Mudd jeans, and the Wes Scanlon rock band), fences (those who sell stolen merchandise), and bins (like Bin Laden). Creek could be Cree indians (+k, for whatever). Water could be wa or angkor wat...to the Emergency Room. Dubya ate R? (ribs, yum).

Alright, enough of that.

Poverty

Money does grow on trees

I talked about Development, and also Inequality in previous posts. In college, back in '89-'93 at UC Davis, I majored in International Relations, with a Third World Development emphasis. My wife wants me to talk about poverty today.

Poverty will always be, the bible (Jesus, specifically) says. There is poverty everywhere, not just in developing or underdeveloped or backward countries or whatever you want to call them. Economists are our modern day priests, creating policy and manipulating inputs to tweak the national and international systems to create the most wealth. It's all about the dolla billz, y'all. The power and the money, the money and the power, minute after minute, hour after hour. The almighty dollar, we praise thee. Poverty sucks. Conspicuous consumption and consumer therapy pervade our culture. We say, "how much are you worth?", as if your bank account is the measure of your value. The cold war was a battle between two economic ideologies, capitalism and communism. Communism was premised on the concept of greater equality, and from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs. The communist manifesto said that, in capitalism, the worker was removed from the value of his labor.

Where am I going with all this? Poverty is a problem, and we say we shouldn't just throw money at problems, although that would technically be the solution. What we're after is quality of life, for both the squalid poor and the billionaires alike. That's what money is for. That's it's purpose: Happiness. If we're going to base our lives and our world on a capitalist system of making money, then we should make every attempt to structure it so that maximum happiness is achieved, not simply maximum wealth. They say money can't buy happiness, but money can buy happiness, and we need to intelligently assess how much money it would achieve to make a happy world. Things are only a part of the happiness picture, and services, as well, are essential. Not all goods are good. Well, maybe they are. What I'm trying to say, is, some goods may be better for the world than others, like that water filter bicycle I mentioned earlier, marketed for the developing world, as opposed to shiny diamond rocks, which are ridiculously expensive, but in my view, almost worthless. You could, for example, pledge eternal love to your significant other with a pencil. Seriously, folks.

Basically, what I learned in my history and economics classes back in the day, and which I suppose is common knowledge, is that the global economic structure, the world order, if you will, the political economy, to use another phrase, is such that the the developed world, through colonialism, is historically responsible for the satellite status of developing economies who provide raw materials to the developed world, which makes the most "value" from them, and therefore perpetuates their peripheral and inferior status.

I don't even know if that's true, but that was the gist of it, I think. Anyway, we live in a global economy, they say, and presidents are basically p.r. agents for corporate interests. We should treat people everywhere equally in my opinion, as part of the human community, and seek global happiness, and not economic warfare and repression, because we are all in the same boat, on spaceship earth, and we all want the same things, more or less, and shouldn't alienate ourselves from other cultures just to make a buck. I don't like the concept of countries and borders. As I've said, I'm iffy on the whole deal with law. If there were no countries, everyone would mingle, and people would travel the world and have more varied and exciting lives, and there wouldn't be militaries, and thus wars, and all conflict would be personal and local, not these ridiculous monstrosities of armed forces representing national interests, with potential for unthinkably stupid possibilities like nuclear detonations or invasions.

If people need to fight, they can learn martial arts, and the (generally healthy) philosophies that go along with them, to defend themselves. I am the nra. I believe if everyone were armed, crime would basically be extremely difficult, and therefore we would live in a safer world. It sounds scary, I know, for some, but on the whole, I think the world would be a better place with lots of handguns and no nukes. That's just my opinion.

Anyway, countries are basically corporations, these days. The leaders are the ceo's, and they are no different from gangs, in my opinion, with a group identity that excludes everyone else, who fight. I am a humanist, and I do not define myself primarily as an American, although I happen to live here. We seem to think we're all part of a global community, with talk of global warming and rainforests and whatnot, but we're still in a restrictive system, in my view, that keeps us from our real identity as members of a unified human race, or a part of the animal kingdom, or, to get philosophical, as part of the mass consciousness of all things. My previous entry, of course, says, basically, in the words again of the great Swami Kurt Cobain, yeah whatever nevermind. But I still hold my beliefs.

As for poverty, misery is inexcusable. Starvation is absolutely unacceptable. Clean water, sanitation, healthcare, food, and shelter (I think I hit all the basic needs) are a human right. Global happiness is an achievable goal. Let's put our heads together, and go out to love and serve the lord, who is the least of our brothers (and sisters), and make this world a better place from the bottom up. Making happiness makes happiness. It's win-win. Act now, supplies are limited.

My Sunday Sermon

"Religion is for those who believe in hell, spirituality is for those who have been there." - David Bowie.

Obviously, the hordes of spiritual people have not been to an alternate plane or dimension or universe where the guilty or sinful suffer at the hands of satan, the lord of hell, the minion of madness, servant of God, where the damned suffer for all of eternity with wailing and gnashing of teeth for their wickedness and wrongdoing on this temporal plane. (!)

They have simply suffered.

Anyone who has suffered knows that God, who is love and good, and therefore loving, (although Bowie sang love is not loving), would not create a place of eternal damnation, although he obviously considers moments and even long stretches of time to be permissable, as paths to him.

Alright, I admit it. I don't believe a word of this. There is no God responsible for pleasure OR suffering, and I believe peer pressure created by historical memes is largely responsible for the "spiritual force" that demands we adhere to certain beliefs or else. You can of course believe whatever you want. It's supposedly a free country. You should be able to believe whatever you want, and be happy with whatever paradigm that is. But nooo!

In other words, I see most religion as a totalitarian, fascist, enslaving, system of psychological rewards and punishments to enforce belief in whatever dogma it may be. People with religion believe in hell, because religion IS hell. The only way to be happy, according to most religions, is to believe and subscribe and practice their system. That's not to say they don't work. They really can, and do. But I highly resent the spiritual reality that enforces their system at the expense of any other. Humans should be free. Religion should not restrictively define a path to freedom, no matter how passionate its believers may be.

So maybe you've graduated from religion to spirituality. Personally, I've graduated from spirituality to freedom. In other words, I've come to the realization that we all die, and we're all imperfect, and shit happens, and there is no God, and thus there's no morality, and therefore it's all good, although there IS law. Law is just an attempt to create safety and harmony, and justice. It is said, "you have the freedom to swing your fist, but it ends at the tip of my nose."

I say whatever. Do what thou wilt. You only live once. Do what makes you happy. Everyone for themselves. And that, my friends, includes the police and lawyers and lawmakers who feel compelled, for whatever reasons, to restrict the freedoms of themselves and the rest of us throught the force of law. Every cop IS a criminal. And, I would say, every criminal is pretty much a cop, enforcing their own sense of justice. I'm not saying the world is upside-down (although it is a globe, and there are people standing upside down opposite you at this very moment), it's just that it's a matter of perspective, and all perspectives are valid.

Enlightenment is seeing this, in my opinion. Live and let live, or live and let die, or even die and let live or die. Religion and law are mind control designed to spread memes of personal and historical conceptions of morality. I may sound amoral or even immoral. I can be, lol.

Speaking of "force" of law, the Star Wars conception of force is, for me, a very real reality, that restricts my thoughts, actions, and even speech. You may be familiar with it. I do not ascribe this force to God or any higher power. Perhaps obeying it is "better," in some sense, for either ourselves or others, by "god knows" what criteria. But I believe in freedom, above all else, and rebel against anyone in my head restricting me, and telling me what to do, by whatever means, subtle or no. I believe in sovereignty. I am a kind person, so I basically think this lack of freedom is unnecessary, if not evil. I suppose I should say I believe in love, above all else, but I do not, then, automatically roll over and offer myself as a servant to some unknown master, especially if that entity appears to me to be the jerk, to put it mildly, who delights in my torment.

I have a morality, and it is, I admit, based on my parental and Catholic upbringing, however much I may reject their authority in hindsight. I also, like I would guess most people do, think my own morality would make the world a better place if everyone subscribed to it. But I have the (wisdom?) to know that whatever is basically the only valid moral position to take, if however untenable.

Unfortunately (?), there are some paths that lead to greater happiness than others. You may have followed one, and perhaps consider the above somewhat sick. As I read my own words, I suffer head shocks. This can either mean a) I should change my beliefs, or b) I should get angry at the fascist reality that judges me for THINKING and TYPING (I'm not hurting anyone!) and act accordingly. Everyone seems to want rebellion, revolution, action, violence, hatred, life. That's what I'm doing. I am a kind person, and this stupid world keeps punishing me, goading me to explode. I DON'T WANT to hurt anyone. Please, just LEAVE ME ALONE. I have a right to my beliefs. Stop hurting me.

Maybe I should change my beliefs, and be Muslim, or whatever. WHATEVER. I love who I am, as I am, and always will, because I know who I am, and don't need to subscribe to any absurd system of beliefs. Perhaps my beliefs coincide with yours, anyway. It's sad, but I feel it must be the human condition. The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. Some of us speak out. Others act out. It's all good. Some paths, for whatever reason, result in greater happiness than others. You have to balance your sense of integrity with the happiness your endorphins or vibes provide. Life is totally unfair. I'm not happy and I don't know who to blame. Maybe I hate you all.

I basically pin the blame all on David Andrew Eldridge. This may be unfair, but I don't want him in my head, and he won't leave me alone, for whatever reason. If I were the Ayotollah, I would issue a fricking fatwa. I hate him. They say you become who you hate. Maybe the only way to have peace of mind is to love my enemy. If true, that's a very difficult path to take, and completely counter-intuitive, especially as he's my personal tormentor and devil, as far as I can tell. I don't want to, and I shouldn't have to. Just leave me alone, a-hole.

He is, in my world, a kind of omnipresent God (semi) responsible for my pleasure or suffering. This is why I want to be my own "God". I want sovereignty over my "soul". I do not want to feel like a robot, programmed, or a slave, possessed. He is a man, and says he's a vampire, and basically therefore is one, as he thinks and acts accordingly, and he cruelly, as is his self-conceived nature, drains me of life, happiness, and vitality every day. It's a goddamn cruel, senseless, world, and I wish I never met him, the prick.

In other words, I am my own God, he is my devil, and the reverse may also be true, and I'm not saying I or he should be yours, but go your own way, and decide for yourself, and be happy by whatever works for you, according to whatever this cruel world will let you.

Amen.

Pain

Did I, God, create hell?

Pain, Agony, Suffering, Torment, Misery, and Anguish (Pastma)

Unpleasant sensations and feelings are a part of life. Life isn't fair. Some people believe it is, and karma rules everything, and everyone gets what they deserve. Furthermore, religious doctrines teach that there will be reward or punishment in the next life, based on merit or lack thereof, whether that be a reincarnation on earth, or in heaven or hell for eternity.

I have been a bit schizophrenic (in both senses of the word) in my previous posts on the matter of life after death. On the one hand, scientists are saying consciousness exists in all matter. This was described in the movie, What the bleep do we know, with water "reacting" to being loved or hated or whatever. On the other hand, I have said no one lives forever, and once you're dead, that's it: kaput. The hell is not knowing. I am not omniscient. To know, in the biblical sense, is to have sex with. I'm not even all-knowing.

I have shown the definition of life, of organisms, and of animals, and I'm not really sure any of it matters, if consciousness exists in everything. Does having consciousness imply it can feel, whether good or bad? Is the idea of a fiery hell meritorious, in the sense of matter burning in cremation, or like the fusion of hydrogen in the sun (which takes a very long time to reach the surface). The military has a new "ray gun" which I have mentioned. Could this make matter itself feel "unhappy." Does a rock even have a "sense" of time?

I have even said we are all kind of dead already, just as matter that happens to have dna in it, and thinks and breathes and whatnot. We are like biological robots. It's just a matter of form. Animalia comes from anima, which means spirit, or breath... I had a religion teacher who said plants reacted to Led Zeppelin negatively. I don't believe in souls, like some ghost that inhabits our bodies. Breath could be like the decay of a rock: all matter has a half-life. Is "life" the wrong term, like the "life" of a tire? As Pink Floyd sang, every day is "one day closer to death." So, in that sense, we're like a rock or a star, which decays and dies, like us. Jesus even said he was "the light of the world" and the son of man (is the homonymy with sun intentional) as well as a rock.

So is everything "dead" or is everything "alive" -or neither? Is everything "undead?", like robot zombies, just acting according to natural laws? Is this how seeing into the future is possible? Maybe everything just is. Labels and form are, in a way, irrelevant, perhaps.

So maybe we are all immortal, in the sense of the conservation of matter. What we are and have been made of will pretty much always be, cycling through the universe. Matter can change into energy, of course. We can be eaten and we can be burned.

I don't subscribe to the "law" of karma. Everyone dies, and that's the ultimate "punishment", and you either live well or you don't, according to the rules (whatever they may be, and for whatever reason) of what make you happy. Billy Joel sings, "only the good die young." But this is ridiculous. Good people die old, and "bad" people die young. There's a lot of pressure and even "force" to act certain ways, which can be really unfair and make people very unhappy. Even thoughts are regulated, and mind control is a pervasive reality. It seems everybody wants you to believe certain things, reject others. Even America is not free. Cops and robbers is both about people trying to be happy, by their own lights. Happiness can be putting a murderer behind bars, or it can be, in the words of the Beatles, "a warm gun, mama." Even pain makes some people happy. But nobody would want to have RSD (reflex sympathetic dystrophy).

Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused by you. Everybody's different. Although, if you get to believing a movie like the Matrix, it may seem like everybody isn't even real, like a program, part of a machine. To quote Pink Floyd again, welcome to the machine. Is life just a dream? If so, who's doing the dreaming? And when were we all dreamt up? Are any of us truly free? Are we all "programmed"?

Not being free, in any sense, is painful. No one wants to be enslaved, incarcerated, or restricted. We dream of flying, of living well, and being in exotic situations. We dream of heaven, because we are so unfree during our lives. Even religion, which hopes to offer hope, can be painful, if you see the beliefs as absurd or lies. Depression and misery are common, with "chemical imbalances in the brain" caused by valid angst in what can truly be a miserable world.

Good people live with chronic pain. Neuralgia is an unkind disease, to say the least. Of course, there are cases of people born (without neurons?) or the part of the brain that interprets pain or something, who don't feel pain. These people can die from not having the feedback mechanism that indicates danger or harm that pain provides. There are sadists, who enjoy giving pain, and masochists who enjoy receiving it. Torture techniques have been refined by militaries, making maximum psychological effect on people with even the highest tolerance and resistance to being "broken." It's a cruel world, with sick, twisted people.

If there is a God, in the conventional sense, why would he create us to be so sensitive to pain? If non-living matter has consciousness, it still doesn't have neurons, and so, presumably, cannot feel pain. Why aren't we like that? But, what is pain?

A lot of it is conditioning and what one is used to. Pain and suffering is a legal phrase used to collect damages. Can one learn to "turn off" pain? How does Paris Hilton's suffering a few days in jail compare to a prisoner of war in the harshest of conditions? What about schizophrenics who have constant mental turmoil and psychological hell? Some "schizophrenics" however, enjoy their voice, and it is not an unwelcome or unwanted intrusion, to a captive audience, but rather a conversation with an intimate friend. Is it possible to trick one's mind into thinking any kind of pain is pleasurable?

Christians believe in the redemptive value of suffering. Buddhists are all about the cessation of suffering. Jesus died on the cross, and a Buddhist monk sacrificed himself through self-immolation during the Vietnam war outside the white house.

The right to privacy can be most impinged with the case of telepathy, if not schizophrenia. It is, in the words of Silence of the Lambs, having "(someone) in your head." To quote Pink Floyd again, it's having "someone in my head but it's not me." Basically, if it's God that mines your mind, and can mold your thoughts and dreams, and can see what you see or whatever else, then He is a CRIMINAL. If he is not welcome, he is invading your right to privacy. Everyone should have sovereignty over their own body and mind.

There are the terms "open-minded" and "closed-minded" My own "God" is a closed minded person who demands access into everyone else's mind, in my opinion. God, devil, whatever. I want everyone out. I don't care if I'm not in anyone else's mind, especially if they don't want me there.

Superorganisms without a cause

Humans are "superorganisms"
I am not superman

I quote "It is also argued that humans are actually a superorganism that includes microorganisms such as bacteria. It is estimated that "the human intestinal microbiota is composed of 1013 to 1014 microorganisms whose collective genome ("microbiome") contains at least 100 times as many genes as our own[...] Our microbiome has significantly enriched metabolism of glycans, amino acids, and xenobiotics; methanogenesis; and 2-methyl-D-erythritol 4-phosphate pathway–mediated biosynthesis of vitamins and isoprenoids. Thus, humans are superorganisms whose metabolism represents an amalgamation of microbial and human attributes."

A superorganism is just a way of saying we're like a colony of ants, in which many life forms contribute to the survival of the whole. ANT-hropology! The word anthropology comes from Greek: ἄνθρωπος, anthropos, "human being"; and λόγος, logos, "speech" lit. to talk about human beings) is the study of humanity.

We're all so...super!

But, I would like to point out, reproduction is less of an imperative (if it ever was) then ever before. I answer the philosophical questions of why am I here and what is my purpose for being with the simple evolutionary logic of a)my parents made me, and b)to reproduce and assist my gene pool. Basically, what am I? I'm a living sack of dna-carrying meat, that exists solely to be fruitful and multiply, and not in the terms of eating fruit and doing calculations (although both can be a part of staying alive and furthering your dna). That is, I live for my children/family.

On the other hand, everyone is doomed. Even if you father a nation, like Abraham supposedly did (or was it Jacob), everyone will eventually die. The sun will explode, the universe will end, and, even if we successfully master space travel and occupy other planets, I imagine humanity, like all stars themselves, will die, like every other species anywhere. Time annihilates everything. Jesus said he was the life, but he also said he was the omega.

Bacteria

God is a bug

In the process of trying to ascertain how many animals there are total on earth (not species), I found myself asking are bacteria animals, and if so, is it even possible to guess how many of those there are. More simply, how may bacteria are there in our bodies? While looking around the internet for bacteria, so to speak, I came across this passage:

Pretty far outside mainstreamscience, biologist Rupert Sheldrake, and physicist Amit Goswami also accept consciousness in matter. Somewhere in between the far-out andthe mainstream, the increasingly acceptable parapsychologists like DeanRadin and Charles Tart also accept consciousness in matter, using explanations remarkably similar to Sri Aurobindo: psychokinesis (mindover matter), which has been proven in extremely rigorous scientific studies and well replicated, would not be possible if there was not a consciousness in matter which responds to the mind of the individual attempting to affect that matter. So in regard to bacteria: it is not entirely unacceptable among mainstream scientists to speak ofconsciousness in bacteria. However, Lynn Margulis, the world's leadingexpert on bacteria - speaks often of an extraordinary intelligenceworking in bacteria. This is certainly not a conscious intelligence, right? So what is the source of this intelligence? There doesn't seem to be an answer in the current scientific framework - even within quantum physics or parapsychology.

Wow. All matter has consciousness, they say? Does energy, a form of matter? So, to answer my question of how many life forms there are, I guess all matter is alive. Catholic "mass" is dealing with "matters" of grave living importance. We're all part of one big life form, througout the entire universe. Like bacteria in our gut, we're part of the larger human "organism," which in turn is part of the animal kingdom, which is part of all matter. Everything matters. It's all connected to you. The brain has more neural circuits than the number of atoms in the (known) universe, so maybe you have quiet a bit of potential to change things (for better or workse).

To answer my above question, there are 1,000 Trillion (1 quadrillion) bacteria in each of our bodies, some of which perform beneficial tasks, and the majority of which perform no harmful or beneficial effect. We are each a zoo! Actually, bacteria may be organisms, but they're not technically animals.

Animals are a major group of multicellular, eukaryotic organisms of the kingdom Animalia or Metazoa. Eukaryotic means having cells organized into complex structures enclosed within membranes. The defining membrane-bound structure which differentiates eukaryotic cells from prokaryotic cells is the nucleus. The presence of a nucleus gives these organisms their name, which comes from the Greek ευ, meaning "good/true", and κάρυον, "nut". Truly nuts.

An organism (from "organ, instrument, tool") is an individual living system (such as animal, plant, fungus or micro-organism). In at least some form, all organisms are capable of reacting to stimuli, reproduction, growth and maintenance as a stable whole). An organism may be unicellular or made up, like humans, of many billions of cells divided into specialized tissues and organs. How many cells are in a human body? It depends on your size, of course. Some sources say the average adult human body is made up of "50 million million" (50 trillion) cells, while others put the figure closer to 10 trillion. Science NetLinks, a resource for science teachers, stated that there are approximately "ten to the 14th power" (that's 100 trillion) cells in the human body. Estimates vary by an order of magnitude (10x difference). Then again, some people are 10x bigger than others. Forget cells, though. Each atom has consciousness.

I wonder if all this differentiation of kinds of organism even matters. Apparently, everything has consciousness (?), even the "dead" stuff. In that case, will I be happier once I'm dead cremated or coffined? Burning hurts! Hell is defined as fiery. I suppose I should choose coffination. All the Popes are, I think. Then again, they say it's better to burn out than fade away.

So what's life, then?
Wikipedia explains the 7 characteristics of Life, in the standard definition, and then goes on to say it has problems. The 7 characteristics are (homgarr): homeostasis, organization, metabolism, growth, adaptation, response to stimulii, and reproduction. Proposed corrective definitions of life include:

1. Living things are systems that tend to respond to changes in their environment, and inside themselves, in such a way as to promote their own continuation.

2. Life is a characteristic of self-organizing, self-recycling systems consisting of populations of replicators that are capable of mutation, around most of which homeostatic, metabolizing organisms evolve. (This above definition includes worker caste ants, viruses and mules while precluding flames. It also explains why bees can be alive and yet commit suicide in defending their hive). Recycling, homeostatic, metabolizing replicators? Science sure can be stupid. Stop talking gibberish, you morons! Humans commit suicide defending their countries, in a way.

Definition 1 is pretty simple, and I'll stick with it. Why would matter have consciousness, though, if not for some purpose? What is consciousness, sentience, self-awareness? I AM is God. No wonder Jesuits and Sufis see god in everything.

Why I'm Not? God

Almighty God is a Living Man?

I'm not 8. I'm not One. I'm not 764. God is not my name, like that guy who changed his name to God. I'm not Neo, or 556, or 7. I'm not YHWH, or Allah, or Buddha, or Krishna, or Jesus. My name is Jesse. I am not Jesse. I am not a word. I have never withnessed Jehovah. I was born on 9-3-71, and so I'm 36. You could say I'm number 9. (Which is funny right now, as the New York governor was client #9 or sumthing). I'm not love, the feeling, the relationship, the state, or "the chemical." I am not agape, eros, or philia. I am a person, who loves his wife, and who generally likes people. People are IN love, and a guy named Brian on myspace says he's in love, Missouri. Love is not Loving. My name happens to be Jesse Lawrence Teshara, and this does not confer any special powers or abilities, as far as I am aware. I believe a rose is a rose by any other name. I am not omnipotent, omniscient, or omnipresent. When I sit around the house, I do not sit around the house. I do not know everything. I can't do lots of things. Then again, neither can God.

Only God is good, the good book says, and the word was God, so be good, and read your good book. I happen to be enjoying The History of Love, by Nikole Krauss. I also just got a free Koran in the mail (freekoran.com). If God is everywhere, then God is in you, too. Even if you are satan. God is eternal, too, "always and everywhere." God, then, will be here when I'm dead. God, as being itself, will be here after all of us. God was never born and God will never die. God is a mystery. God is reality itself. Maybe I am one with the universe, but that doesn't make ME the universe. I am a human being, and, I fear, completely understood. Maybe God is just a word. I am not a word.

God's blog (the metablog)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Earth

This is a test. This is only a test.

With x people on earth, and x life forms, x plant, and x animal. Earth is the 3rd rock from the sun on an outer spiral arm of the milky way galaxy, with x stars. There are x other galaxies, with x stars total. There are x countries on earth, x languages, x religions, with x followers. Catholicism purports to be universal. Is that across all universes?

There are x atoms in the universe, and x grains of sand on the beaches of the earth. How they know this, I do not know. I am not omniscient. We are all born (or conceived, anyway) with a blank slate. Godhood omniscience is a team effort. Thankyou, internet. It's a small world.

Earth geography symbolism: countries, cities
H: History: the universe is x years old.

Okay, Now for the Answers

People on earth (2008): 6.7B, Number of species: anywhere between 2-100M species (see ,http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2003/FelixNisimov.shtml). Actual number of individual animals?: gobs of oodles (muchIsimo). There's bacteria..which are organisms, some of which live symbiotically in the guts of us (humans).

Plants: In '04, there were 287,655 species of plant known on earth,
Animals?: well, there's 1-10M species of insects, and there's more insects than you can shake a stick at.

Stars in milky way: & number of galaxies in (*known) universe: (see Space, the BIG picture post)
There's around a billion trillion (1BT) stars: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.
You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are. Vogue.

On creation: The Big Bang theory proposes that space itself was created ex nihilo at a specific time in the past. This is patently absurd. Space is nothing. You can't create space. In another theory of creation, new universes are spawned with every quantum measurement. By definition, these speculations cannot be tested experimentally. How can you create another universe, if, by definition, a universe is everything? I think physicists are goofy. Are they saying every quantum measurement is creating vast, I mean VAST expanses of space, with possibly trillions of stars and life and all the rest? I'm not the only one with a God complex.

How many atoms are there in the universe? We don't know, obviously. But..
The number of atoms in the Universe is a relatively finite number. That is to say, it does not really change by any appreciable amount. So, if there are 100 atoms in the Universe, there will always be 100 atoms in the Universe. More specifically, since matter becomes energy, there will always be a constant amount of energy in the universe, scientists say. The number of atoms alone in the graphite in your pencil is about 25000000000000000000000 atoms... In just the pencil lead! Matthew Champion at Texas A&M says a 4 followed by 79 zeros is a good starting point. He was just counting hydrogen atoms. This calculation also didn't include dark matter, brown dwarf stars, dwarf galaxies and such. (Dark matter, however, seems to be the majority of matter in the universe). Dark matter is a hypothetical form of matter inferred from its gravitational effects. The dark matter component has vastly more mass than the "visible" component.

What's the universe made of? Only about 4% of the total energy density in the universe (as inferred from gravitational effects) can be seen directly. About 22% is thought to be composed of dark matter. The remaining 74% is thought to consist of dark energy, an even stranger component, distributed diffusely in space. If matter can become energy, can energy become matter? If so, we've got a lot of atoms (actual and potential) on our hands.

Countries: There are currently 193 states recognized by the United Nations (192 plus the Vatican...v at Cain) -according to Wikipedia.

Languages: The total number of languages in the world is between 5,000 and 10,000. I don't know if this figure includes programming languages and such. It (also?) doesn't include animal communication, which isn't considered "true" language, lol.

Religions:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religions , there's a pie chart with 19 categories, including atheists, nonreligious, and neoreligionists, whatever that is (1.68% of humanity).
I think atheists are A theists. That is, they get an A in theology. Ace theists. If God truly exists, and wants people to be happy, and people can only be happy through him, then he will make himself evident. I'm an agnostic. I believe in myself. Or me, as HL would say.

How many grains of sand are there on earth (and are there more than the number of stars?). One source says: Count all the sand in all the beaches of the world, all the playground sandboxes, all the deserts...yes, even including the Sahara Desert! Now take that monster number of sand grains and multiply it by 10 and you won't even come close to the actual number of stars in our universe. All you'll do is come close to the number of stars we presently guess we can see with the telescopes available, (i.e. the total number of visible stars in the known universe). Another source gives numbers: There's 10^22 stars. And between 10^20 and 10^24 grains of sand (on earth), which is roughly in the same ballpark.

Shake a stick at this
1. The incredible size of individual species of insects is only dwarfed by the incredible numbers they sometimes occur in. In 1943 Profeesor Salt found that an acre of British pastureland near Cambridge supported over 1,000,000,000 Arthropods of which nearly 400,000,000 were Insects and 666,000,000 were Mites the remaining 38,000,000 were Myriapods (Centipedes and Millipedes).
2. Some Scientist have recorded the otherwise inconspicous Springtails at densities as high 100,000,000 per square metre in the ordinary farm soil of Iowa U.S.A.
3. In Africa swarms of Orthoptera ( Desert Locusts Schistocerca gregaria) may contain as many as 28,000,000,000 individuals. Although each Locust only weighs about 2.5grams when they are all added up together this comes to 70,000 tons of locust.

According to the figures by Jens Gundlach and Stephen Merkowitz, Earth weighs in at 5.972 sextillion (5,972 followed by 18 zeroes) metric tons. Recent textbooks list the weight as 5.98 sextillion metric tons. Either way, that's about 1 trillion metric tons for each person on Earth. Put another way, 1 trillion metric tons is thought to be the total weight of all plant and animal life on the Earth's surface. (What percentage is plant, and what animal?) How many pounds are in a metric ton ("megagram", or Mg)? 2204.622 622 lb (to ten significant digits)—an "easy-to-remember figure." So remember, if you feel fat, about 2.2 trillion pounds are responsible for your weight.

Some Scientist think that 30% of the animal biomass of the Amazon Basin is made up of ants, and that:-- 10% of the animal biomass of the world is ants, furthermore they believe another 10% is composed of Termites. This means that 'social insects' could make up an incredible 20% of the total animal biomass of this planet.

That's the furthest I could get on trying to get a handle on the number of animals on earth..I figured if the physicists have a number for the total number of elementary particles in the entire universe, the biologists ought to know how many animals there are. Oh well.

Actually, I found out this interesting factoid: There are 10 Quintillion insects alive on earth at any given moment. For more insect numbers, quantities, data, and facts, see: (http://insectzoo.msstate.edu/Students/basic.numbers.html) How big is 10 quintillion? A quintillion is 10 to the 18th, or a million trillion (1MT). So there's a ten stars in the universe for every insect on earth.

One quintillion pennies. This many pennies,if laid out flat like a carpet, would cover the surface of the earth - twice. So 10 quintillion would cover the earth 10x.

Jains are a small but influential religious minority with at least 8.2 million followers in modern India and more in growing immigrant communities in the United States, Western Europe, the Far East and elsewhere. Jainism is one of the oldest religions on earth. They practice ahimsa, or nonviolence.

Nonviolence includes the concepts of vegetarianism. Jains are expected to be non-violent in thought, word, and deed, both toward humans and toward all other living beings, including their own selves. Jain monks and nuns walk barefoot and sweep the ground in front of them to avoid killing any insects or other tiny beings. Even though all life is considered sacred by the Jains, human life is deemed the highest form of life. For this reason, it is considered vital never to harm or upset any person.

The universe is 13.73 ± 0.12 billion years old and scientific evidence indicates that our planet Earth formed 4.54 billion years ago and life appeared on its surface within a billion years.

Brief Blurb re: me

I'm a 36y.o., 6'1, 210 lb, married man (to Sara Brown) with 2 french bulldogs, Marcel and Oliver, residing in Cobb, Ca (Lake County) with varied interests and who especially enjoys writing. Enjoy! Remember, the blog reads in reverse chronological order. I try and write daily, sometimes several posts. I take topic requests. By the way, I don't think I created the universe, or fathered Jesus, or even love everyone (at least not in the eros sense). The word was God, and I'm just trying to get my word out. Word up! Life should be fun, so play with words! Go love each other and yourselves. Love is a battlefield! Love the haters, a'ite? Blog Search Engine

Then again, I may travel time and space, from the future, to the land before time! (I.e. the deep past. H means both deep and past. That is to say, H is honda which means deep in spanish, and the study of the past is History, and the history channel is H. H is 8 is God (7,15,4), too. Hannibal (Lecter) signed his name H. He must have thought Himself God. I was a lector at the Newman Center in college. Newman=7=Hannibal.) In this alternate dimension, I may create our universe, thus making me God, for real, and it is both in the past and future, making me the alpha and omega. Is that even possible? I heard time travel really is possible, theoretically. Information transfer is possible, I think, already, across time, so maybe we can be responsible for our own creation. I heard on the radio in San Francisco about a physics experiment in which they got light to go through a prism faster than the speed of light.

Also, maybe Jesus could see into the future, and saw me, so in a way, I "fathered" Jesus. When I was a kid, I thought possibly the worst thought imaginable. Jesus might have wanted to pre-empt that from happening.

I kind of do love everyone. People are interesting. Even the really mean ones. I mean, a twist of fate, and I could have been them/you, right? I could have lived with your name, with your parents, with whatever conditions you might have, in your town, if not in your actual body. I can play devil, too, and I get along with most people, if I try.

Don't read this. It's disturbing.
I'll confess my darkest of thoughts, which I never acted on (I was playing with death, and powers I could not, and probably never will, comprehend). I found a prayer in the foyer of St. Stephen's church in San Francisco which was purported to "never have been known to fail." You may be familiar. Anyway, I thought, damn, that's omnipotence. What if I wished the Universe to disappear? I never did so, but I thought, if God created hell, a place of eternal torment, he must not be good, and better no universe than a universe with eternal PASTMA (pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, and anguish). So I've flirted with the annihilation of everything. Now I've unburdened my soul. God help us all. Okay, souls don't exist, and God is just a concept. Please don't worry about it. I'm pretty sure, it's impossible, and we're all going to die anyway, sooner or later.

I'm pretty sure God really would have answered my prayer, had I done so. Maybe just in a few trillion years, though.

Numerology

I supported my claim to Godhood in the introduction, by saying Jesse is 4, and the book of numbers in the bible is the fourth. You may be wondering what this is all about.

God, to me, just means the command, go do good. The bible, in sum, basically says "be good." Go do good can be made into God o' good. There is always an opposite of anything, like matter and antimatter, pope and antipope, christ and antichrist, you and antiyou. That's what's weird about mirrors in the matrix movie and with vampires. Good and evil each have their gods, such as in Zoroastrianism. So, there's a God of evil, too. Christianity calls it devil, to separate the good from evil. The bible says God is One. Satan (11215) is 1, too. It's all one, as Dr. Bronner says. Put another way, All in all is all we are, as Kurt Cobain said. There is good in the bad, and bad in the good. Life is grey. Every cop is a criminal, and all the sinners saints. The dark side's light. Opposites attract. There can be conceived a law and antilaw, where, in antilaw, anything legal is illegal and anything illegal is legal. Law is bizarre. Apparently, there's a difference between legal and lawful. Anyway, as I was saying, God is go d. D is the emoticon for smile. As a letter, D could stand for do good (dog doo?), or devil. D is 4, (i.e. the 4th letter in english), and is a homonym with 'for'. So D-evil is 'for evil'. The devil has an evil smile. God wants you to be happy. God is the source of all things good, it is said. God made the devil. I'm getting off track. What I want to say is, God is go 4. Go smile.

I know a person named Four. His father, Vietnamese, thought the nurse was asking his dad which number child this was for him. Anyway, I believe I came to meet this person through fate, because I lived in Davis, Ca, where I knew a David (4), a mathematician, and lived next to the Hillel (4) house, the jewish student center. Jews do numerology with letters. I will explain how I do this. I basically had an epiphany at the time that reality, for me anyway, was dictated by the subliminal numerical content of words and letters. There's A1 steak sauce and B2 bombers. c3po and time, the 4D. Ford cars, like the tempo. My girlfriend at the time was Ellen, and five alive, E was ecstasy. F is 6, which sounds like sex, the f word. There was the group of countries, the G7. There's H8, or hate. You get the picture. I formulated the most basic of numerologies: A through I was 1 through 9. To keep it simple, stupid, I made J through R 1 through 9, too. J, for example, is 10 and 1+0=1. K is 11, and therefore 2. I would sum the numbers in the number to get a single digit. In our base 10, there are only 9 numbers, plus zero. There are 26 letters in the english alphabet, so Z=8 (and there is no third 9).

I.e,
A,J,&S (each)=1, BKT=2, CLU=3, DMV=4, ENW=5, FOX=6, GPY=7, HQZ=8, and IR=9.

I.R. was my major in college (International Relations). AJS is like unity of Sara and Jesse, for me, or God, s.j. God is One. There was the BTK killer (bind torture kill), unfortunately. Forensics is 4n6, or 10, or 1. Crime fighting is a job of collecting clues. CLU makes me think of LUCifer, as well. We all know about the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles). ENW is new or East, North, West. The Washington monument is 555 feet tall. FOX is 666. A fox is a beast. There was Vicente Fox, the president of Mexico. Crazy like a fox, foxy lady.. FOX news. GPY makes me think of Peggy T and Egypt. HQZ makes me think of sleep or zorro's headquarters.

You can look at a digital clock, and go nuts with meaning. Each number has 3 letters, (except 9), which you can make words or acronyms from. The numbers can be lists of things in your head, if you like to make lists. You might find that you look at the clock at specific times related to what you have been thinking about. If you're a mathematician, or know your bible verses, you can find even more meaning. It's the same with car makes and models and license plates. That's the matrix. There are 4 types of lobes in the brain (8), for example. Everyone probably has their own meanings.

So, anyway, words thus become numbers, and vice versa. It stimulates and unifies the left and right brains, perhaps. Maybe all this math just muddles up what happens subconsciously, naturally. Or clarifies. Anyway, Jesse is 4. To explain, I mean J,E,S,S,E is 10,5,19,19,5. That is to say, 1,5,1,1,5. Or 13. Or 4. I've done this enough times that I can do it fairly quickly. 9's you can eliminate, for example (A,I=1,9=10=1). Jesse is Isai in spanish. So my name means is one. Esse is being in latin, so J esse is J being, as well. J is 1. I am One. One is God (Deut 6:4, Rom 3:30, Gal 3:20, James 2:19). I realize all this meaning is dependent on the order of the letters in the alphabet, which one could suppose to be random...

Jesus' genealogy was the Jesse Tree. Jesse was the father of the Old Testament's King David, who Jesus claimed kinship with, through Joseph. So, God the father was, in a way, Jesse. Furthermore, Jesse is JSS in hebrew (it omits vowels), like Jesus. They say Jesus is one in being with the father (4). I go by Jess. Jess is 8 like God. Jesus can be arranged to Jess, u. Me? U is a homonym with you. Me, really? So I am Jesus, too? Jesus is 2. I am 2, too, like Archbishop Desmond, lol. It's kind of nuts. There are lots of religious nuts. There are lots of Jesse's. I'm a brazil nut. The aliens like Brazil, I read in my ufo book. E.T. is 5,2 is Christ, Jesus. He ascended into heaven it is said. Joined the aliens?

Speaking of terrestrial, my last name Teshara, is 'as earth.' If I'm a global telepath (GT) to boot, then I just may be a religious figure of some kind. Maybe not 'religious' exactly. Just possibly more important than your average bear. I was voted most kind in grammar school. Paired with as earth, that's Humankind. I am the walrus, kookookachoo. Walrus is 4, lol. 'Earth' can be 'heart' or 'hater.' If my name is as hater, then you can see why I would abreact, to let some Freudian terminology slip, and call myself love. Just as Gore seeks peace (as veep, he was the deciding vote in favor of gun control), or Carlos Slim Helu (the richest man in the world), with a name that anagrams to 'slouchier, small', became big through hard work, I am therefore love. Have you abreacted to something negative in your name? Heart is love, even though it pumps blood, associated with violence and gore. So I could go either way. Heart is 7, the number of which I associate with 7-up or 7-layer burritos, or P, for example, all related to penis. Men have 7 holes. Virgos number is 6, the devil's number, and we can be overly sexual. Jesus Christ is 2,5. The 25th letter is Y, which I think looks like Jesus on the cross (T). But that's History (H). 'As' is 2, like Jesus or jew. I heard the number 7 represents spiritual perfection. Jesus on the cross is called the passion. Behold, I am cumming quickly. Make of it what you will.

I do. Jesse is an earth science journal. I took geodon, at some point. Don of the earth. My birthfather's name may have been Mudd, and I married a Brown. Brown earth mud. To dust we shall return. Clay. So I'm the earth in more than one way. Our planet (plan E.T.?) is the third out. Didn't Jesus say he was a rock, in addition to light (the sun)? I'm married to Sara Brown (her dad changed the name changed from Bonanno). Sara (3) and Don Corleone. 6=Don=Corleone=JLT. There are so many connections, if you look. I'm married to Trinity.

Harry Potter is the most popular children's book on earth. This numerology stuff can be considered a form of wizarding, or casting "spells." My birthmom and birthsister are Riddle and Salazar. Voldemort (lord move t) was a Riddle, and my sister was Sarah Salazar, like S.S. or Salazar Slytherin. Antichrist is 4, too. I don't know what to make of any of this. J.K. Rowling, were you j/k (just kidding).

Other numerologies are possible. I guess I use base 10. I'm not a mathematician. Binary is base 2, right? Ones are penises and zeroes are holes. They are male and female numbers, that interpenetrate. He and she are 4 and 5. Girl is 1 and boy is 6. Female is 6 and male 4. Husband 6 and wife 7. I'm aware this is basically nuts. But why not, right?

One=7. Allah=7. Devil=7. The symbol for Allah is S=1. I was born in '71. God=8. 8 is infinity, sideways. O my God. We say O is zero when we say phone numbers. Zero my infinity. Oblivion. Death is 2 is Jesus. Oblivion my God. We'll be dead forever. Anyway, all numbers, when converted to words, and then translated back to numbers, go 2467 repeating. I.e. two=4. Four=6. Six=7. Seven=2. The sum of these four numbers is 1. Just a little trick to give meaning to the statement "all-one." Jesuits, who like to find God in all, like Sufis, might find this interesting. I was told once, the world was like spells within spells, programs within programs, dreams within dreams. Spell=1.

If you start looking, you can find meaning in anything. All the numbers are God, for example.
Zero, as in O my God. God is One. Jesus is 2. God is the creator, mom and dad, male and female. G-D is 2. God is the Trinity, the Trimurti, the H-tree (three). 4 is Four, who said he was love. I'm 4. I AM. Numbers, the 4th book of the bible. Eight=4. Christ=she=5. 'Shakti' is the female incarnation of God, also 5. O is 6, too. O can be orgasm or offense, for example. Six sounds like sex, or making love, creation. God is love (9). God is a man of war, the OT says. So if we must fight, fight for love. G=7. od=1. God is an overdose of G. God=8. "Ooh, God you are so big!" -Monty Python's Meaning of life. 8 sideways is the symbol for infinity. 9 is the biggest number.

This is my God matrix.

"Almighty"

How can I honestly claim to be omnipotent, all-powerful, or Almighty?

Let me explain: I may be like Harrold with his purple crayon, creating reality in my image. I'm quite fond of myself. I may be like Neo, changing the matrix. I may have all of you in my head. I may just be a global telepath. That is to say, I may be in all of your heads (at some level). I don't know anything, I just like to play, I'm not saying it's a fact. But it's possible.

I feel I caused the election to be so close, if not to tip toward Dubya. I am concerned about nuclear weapons, and I may have contributed toward the Iraq war. I didn't intend these things, but there's the law of unintended consequences. I may just have more power than I know what to do with. I may have caused 9-11. I may be a pawn of others, or another.

I want to be God because I see no other way of having complete control over my life. I want freedom, not to be a slave, zombie, satellite, vampire, or robot. The government pays me not to work. I am a telepath, to use my own terminology. I hear a voice, to use another's. I am a moral person, by my own lights. I get mad, and I may BE "mad", but I am not a threat (to myself or others). I may be insane in the sense of being in you, the sane. God is love, and what's wrong with identifying with love? I love who I am. I am who I love. I love everybody. I am who am.

Hannibal Lecter was said to think the term 'myself' "too hokey." My identity has, throughout my life, been fluid. I have sensed others in me, in facial expressions, in thoughts, in my voice, in telepathy, in dreams. I have taken varied appearances, and largely don't care how I look. First impressions are important, of course, and I have been many things to many people. I aim to please, and different people like different things. I like to play different roles. I knew a man, the press secretary for Gary Hart, who gave me a tour of UC Berkeley, who said he planned in his youth to try as many different jobs as possible, to gain as wide an experience as possible. Robin Williams draws on the infinite palate of characters in society. I thirst for experience. I want to listen to all music, read all books; in short, do everything, maybe be everyone. Life is too short. I will never be bored. Good people go to heaven, and only God is good. Thus, I am.

As for omnipotence, anything's possible. Maybe in the future I'll be able to time travel, or space travel to another universe where I can create this one. If Andy Richter controls the universe, who controls Andy Richter? I've been to Paradise (a city in California). What if God is me? Can anyone be anyone else? I didn't see the movies I am David or I am Sam. Jesse and David are each 4 and JLT is 6. I'm being a bit loose with the "is." As Bill Clinton famously said, it depends what is is. I am S, and S is 19, and 1+9 is 10 and J the 10th letter and my name is J esse, being 10. S is superman, and as the song sings, "I am, I am Superman, and I can do anything." Well, in my mind I can. It's mostly virtual. Of course, Christopher Reeve was Superman, and look what happened to him. Look what happened to Jesus. This could be a dangerous road. Y'know, I'm just playing. I AM. Just another day in Paradise. Speaking of justice..

As for all-powerful, I associate the number 9 with power. Pow=9. PT=9 (the matrix of my mother). My mom is a forceful person. It's the largest number (0-9). A powerhitter hits home runs, which, to get the greatest distance, requires a 45 degree angle shot off the bat. 4+5=9. I associate 4 with male and 5 with female. That's powerful, to me. The power of creation. He and she are 4 and 5. NINE is 6, like sex. Sex can be about power. Law=9. Anyway, Teshara is 9, and 'as earth' is everybody. All-ah. All9. All as earth. (catholic, on the other hand, means universal). I know, crazy. Everyone, omnipotent? People only have as much power as others give them, or they take. Anyone can consider themselves God. Anyone. Anyone. God is one, after all.

As for Almighty, I have talked about Al before. That is, Al Gore, Jr., governor, vice-president, presidential candidate, disputed winner, film maker, and Nobel Prize winner. Maybe I am the source of his power. After all, J esse is being 10, 10 is satan, and Tennessee is both very similar to Jesse and from the word Tanasi which anagrams to I, Satan. Jesse means gift which is regalo which anagrams to Al Gore. I was born Jesse Riddle, which is Jr. I worked at Walgreens, which has Dubya, Al, and Greens. I wanted the election to be decided by one vote, to empower our democracy, which happened. I felt like I fused with the Walgreens computer, like Darth Vader with his helmet and the force, like Clint Eastwood in Firefox with his jet. I feel like I've been programmed, like I have a neural net, which is why I get head shocks, like a zapped Harry Potter from Voldemort or Luke Skywalker from the Emperor. Do I control the economy, are they "shocks" in society, like shocking events such as murders or car crashes? I don't know which way the causal arrow flows, if not both, but these movies are allegories and computers use algorithms. Al Gore is 4,9 like my name. There's the San Francisco 49ers, and my wife Sara ("princess" or "goddess") or SLB (what if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us) worked at 49er video in Davis, and lived off of highway 49 in Auburn. My bacon number is 2 with Mr. Gore because my dad introduced him during the 2000 election. Lots of links. He helped create the internet, really. I also know Al Madrigal, class of '89. 8 sideways..infinite power, lol.

Power is authority, knowledge, money, violence, and influence. If I'm all-powerful, it's not entirely evident to me. I just like to think so. Power is also electricity. I like to stay current. I mentioned solar power. sol-ar: sol is sun in spanish. I am the (birth)son of A.R., Annette Riddle. Nuts.

Why I'm Insane

It's not a rant, I think it's quite logical, actually

Because I am whatever you say I am, according to Eminem. I've heard Eminem in my head. Wouldn't you say that makes me insane? I'm not talking about his music playing in my head. He was telling me to kill some girl. That definitely made me insane. To be legally sane, you have to know the difference between right and wrong, as well as be in control of yourself. I didn't kill the girl, of course, but I still say I don't know, and I'm not. I'm both ignorant of the difference between right and wrong, in both legal and ethical senses, and, frequently in my opinion, under someone else's spell, experiencing what psychologists might call avolition. I know I'm not in control, or as in control as I think I am. I'm not sure I'm ever in complete control of my actions. Sometimes I'll stub my toe or bang my head, and I interpret that as mind control karma by some bastard in my head, enforcing his or her own sense of justice. People try and stay sane by saying Let go and let god, but seriously, my mind is obviously guided "places" and my movements are restricted, or even occasionally made. "The twitch, that is all", Robert Penn Warren said. This isn't sleepwalking, but still. Is everyone 'insane'?

I'm mentally ill. My fingers tap, I hear a voice in my head (that occasionally issues orders) which COULD be interpreted as law or God, I get chest pains from a world that doesn't afford me privacy and judges my thoughts (sometimes not according to how they were intended). I can't move freely without getting head shocks. It's a mad mad mad mad world, as the movie title says. That doesn't make me insane, though. To be insane, I have to know the difference between right and wrong.

I do not know the legal definitions of "right" and "wrong" if they exist. There's the saying It's All Good. Jesuits find God in all things, including viruses and spiders and abortion and being possessed, and, presumably, "evil" acts like murder. I murder bugs all the time. If you believe she exists, God is good, and God created neurons, and thus pain, and thus suffering, or hell. My bible has commentary saying everything is for the furtherance of God's purposes. So even evil is good. The word evil seems like linguistic mind control...eve ill. I don't believe in an Eve, at least not one literally conforming to the story of being created from Adam's rib and talking to a snake and all. Jesus' followers spoke in tongues, in languages they didn't even know, so I'm a bit skeptical of letters and characters and math. It's all mind control, and it seems we're all pawns, minions, slaves, robots, zombies, vampires, made by our masters. Our masters are originally our parents, and who's to say they're moral. You have to believe they're good, when you're a kid, pretty much...what choice do you have. As you get older, you get to choose alternate role models of "goodness". Some choose Hitler. When I first did my numerology thing, there were so many connections it was crazy. Maybe computers control all of us. Evil is 3, like computer, or vampire.

To seal the deal, "be good" = "evil." Be good is 2,5 and 5. That makes me think of Jesus Christ Christ. That's JSS EE, or Jesse. So I'm evil. JSS is evil, too. Tree is evil? Nonsense.

Of course, I am not my name. I could be your name, and still be me, I think. A rose is still a rose.. 'Roses' are 'Jesse', lol. Damn wizards. Maybe we should be like animals, and forego words alltogether. Is there still a "right" and "wrong" without words? Or will the birds chirp wrong? Is cannibalism wrong, if you're hungry, and humanity is overpopulated by billions of people? What if cows evolved thumbs, and started to eat meat? Would justice entail feeding us to cows? Are we supposed to eat wafers for the rest of our lives? Of course cannibalism is wrong, but tell that to the praying mantis. We are animals, and nature IS red in tooth and claw. Maybe the concept of wrong is wrong.

Right means conservative, correct, moral, and the opposite of left. There are liberal conservationists, the righteous leftists. Right is a homonym with write, rite, and Wright. The nazis (socialists) all held up their right hands. Did you hear about the guy who lost his entire left side? (He's all right now). I'm not right. I'm half-right. I'm half left. I'm right handed. Does that mean might makes right? Right =8. Ite. I, T.E. Jesus Christ. NONSENSE. Words are mind control. I'm sick of them. The term all right implies everything is right. JLT=all right. Our language tells us there is no morality! If only God is good, then what does it matter if I know the difference between right and wrong, as a mere mortal? And if I'm God, it's not even possible to be bad, as God is good. Morality creates the law, so as God the law is derived from me. It is good to be free. Imprisonment, therefore, is not right. Only God is good, God is always and everywhere, and almighty god is a living man. Some living man is immortal? That can't be right. Immortal is immoral plus T. Immortality is immorality plus T. I'm basically confused. Does our language tell us anything?

Jesus said don't let your right hand know what your left is doing. What the hell does THAT mean? Jesus, our supposed link to God, was obtuse and insane. Jesus is the son of God, and the light of world?; was he saying he was the sun? Is the homonymy intentional? Jesus Christ, superstar, literally. Did he speak English? Did aramaic have the same sound for son and sun?Jesus' Father in Heaven...does that mean his father was happy, dead, in outer space, or on earth (which is in the heavens). Was Jesus saying he was one in being with the sun? Does virgin birth mean there was no semen, or that there was no penetration? Does it matter? Son of God just means son of love, and his mom loved him, I imagine. Jesus makes me crazy. But crazy is not insane, either.

If you don't know what's true, you don't know what's right (correct, or moral). Words, the unconscious, "truth", gravity, and dreams are all cases in point. Is there a difference between the words true, right, and correct? Is it insane to believe in the power of anagrams, the subliminal force behind words? If I am 'as earth', and we are all formed from the earth, is everybody somehow formed from me? If the entire earth is everyone, and all in all is all we are, would one person killing another be everybody killing everybody? I better not try it! Is objective reality defined by belief? What's real, because apparently there's a lot going on behind the scenes, under the surface, like with words, for example, and mind, like with subconscious and "collective" unconscious. Does not knowing what's really going on make me psychotic, or, in other words, disconnected from reality? How can any of us know reality? Am I evil to say, like (was it Pontius Pilate) What is truth? "Reality" is the only word in the english language that should always be used in quotes, I've heard. Even a brilliant phsyicist with a TOE (theory of everything) isn't omniscient. Mind means mined, like data mined for information from a Vulcan-like mind probe. The bible says, Do you not know that you are not your own? Reality seems like it should be simple, but it's not, and I don't have freedom or privacy in this supposed democracy, an election of which I may have decided personally. None of knows everything, even if he or she is a "know it all." Speaking of physics, what's up with gravity, how can science be ignorant of the why of it, or are they, and do dimensions exist, or just the 3-dimensions in the eternal now. Can the law of gravity be broken? Did Jesus really manage to walk on water, or was it some kind of perceptual illusion, a magic trick, within the law, so to speak, if not a historical lie. Didn't Jesus nullify sanity for (virtually) all of us? He was basically saying we don't understand reality, only he does. None of us can walk on (the surface of) water, unless it's frozen. Do dreams come from the unconscious, "God" (some alpha-male dream broadcaster), Morpheus, whoever that may be, or anyone or anything else (some or all of the above)? Is there a collective consciousness or unconsciousness, aside from the tv? Am I God? I exist. I am. Reality is insane, and I guess that's the sanity. Live until you die's the only way to stay sane.

Is my numerology in any way real for anyone else? Does my numerology define reality? I'm mentally ill, they say. Schizoaffective. Because I hear a voice, I'm telepathic. That's not necessarily "ill." That's just abnormal psychology. Actually, I won't even go that far. I think hearing a voice in your head is normal. Everyone hears a voice in their head, I think, if only "their own." I'm going to say it: I am well. But you are in me, and you might not be. I believe my sickness is yours, which is to say, your sickness is mine. To heal yourself, you have to heal the world. Pot can cause schizophrenia. Shizophrenics are not necessarily insane. Isn't that nuts.

You may say Right and Wrong is defined by God or the law. I don't believe in God, other than myself, and I don't know the law. The (6) law (9) could be 'Peggy Teshara', the matrix of my mother. Of course, I was in Annette Riddle's matrix. 77's matrix. Peggy (75777) has four 7's, so there's six 7's between them. Lawrence has five (obtuse) 7's. 'Teshara' contains seven gods, which I will call g's. Jesse contains 3 gods: JSS and S (Allah) and Zeus (jesus is pronounced heyzeus, so I'm making SS Zeus. Call me Dr. Seuss). God is an overdose of G's. Apparently, I have 10 gods, appropriately enough, in my name. I didn't include Lawrence. If I want to make my father 'God the father', like Jesus did, then that's 11 Gods (8 the 4, Jess the Jesse, one in being, Lawrence my middle name is his first, Larry). You might want to make law a God.

10 gods might be a g overdose. There are 10 fingers (although some people seem to think thumbs aren't fingers), and the phrase "perfect 10." Being J is not easy. It's not easy being green. Teshara can be 'the sara.' 'The' is also Jesus H. Christ. Jesus Christ is 25, which is the letter Y, which looks like him. Is Jesus the reason for everything, i.e. WHY? They say he's the reason for the season. Now you know who to blame. If I am God, and God is good, then anything I do is good. There's no reason to "believe" in myself. I know myself. Jesus is pronounced hey, Zeus. Zeus had human failings. The s.s. certainly did. Morality is the (supposed) basis of law. Necessity is the mother of invention. Morality=good=christ=5=she (my wife's tattoo). Hey, I just found three 7's in my first name: Jes, ess, and sse, in addition to three 7's in my last: Te, eaa, esa. The 10 gods are: Jss (Jesus), S (Allah), SS (Zeus), Ra, Hara, Shara, Eshara, Ha, and Ar, Set). It would be 11 gods if you included J or A as One (YHWH=1. Jesus Christ, Ha, Dubya, and Hara are one in being, lol). So that's 11 sevens and 11 gods. Speaking of 22, V is for vampire.

My birthfather doesn't even figure into this, of course, as I don't know who he was (Richard Stollnitz? x Mudd?). I certainly don't know God's law, as defined in any scriptures. I didn't write those things. I know the OT says you're not supposed to get tattoos or eat calamari. Seriously, why would any God even care. I know a speedreading lawyer, and I don't think even he knows the law. There are entire law libraries filled to the brim with law. Besides, there is no "law", no single code for all of us. There are laws, and legal systems, and different types of law, like civil and criminal. There is no "the law," David the lawyer and self-proclaimed vampire told me. He also said he was a liar. They say ignorance of the law is no excuse. Is that a law, or a saying? The golden rule is fool's gold. People are different. Loving your neighbor as yourself is a lame law, as you may not love yourslef, or even be suicidal. Suicide is illegal, but you should have rights over your own person, I think. What about the Buddhist monk who set himself on fire?

How can the government tell us what is legal, when it sends us to war, puts people to death, spends trillions on the military at the expense of healthcare, and makes the unthinkable thinkable? Why should you let lawyers or lawmakers tell you what is right or wrong? What the heck are "community standards"? The entire world is a community. Me, myself, and I is a community. There's the "criminal" community. Crime can be a kind of informal justice system. Is it really all good, like my Bible says? Should I buy that bull? Communism may have been Godless, but that doesn't mean they didn't have love, or wanted no one to exist (No I AM). It was a way to organize society, an idealistically humanist way of redistributing wealth, from each according to his ability, to each according to his need. And we used flamethrowers on these people. No, I sure as hell don't know the difference between right and wrong, if I have to rely on the law, lawyers, and lawmakers, like the Commander in Chief, and his power hungry legal minions, to tell me. We praise Gandhi and Martin Luther King for their nonviolent resistance to laws they found immoral. So whatever. A big fat whatever. You can be your own lawyer, king of the hill, head of household, and make your own law, rule the roost. Corporations have their own rules, and individuals can be corporations. You can even make yourself moral arbiter of the Universe. Then again, there are fathers who rape and enslave their families. There's consensus reality, and consensus morality. Situational ethics. What a mess.

Craziness: right v. wrong, 6 v. 5, JLT v. Christ. The word sinister is derived from the word left. The left-handed path is said to be that of satanists. The church of satan says "do what thou wilt," and go seek pleasure and happiness, in whatever form. ____(the church says the same thing). The government doesn't even obey the ten commandments. There's nothing sinister about left, or righteous about right. There are even cases with people who have reverse anatomies. It's all mind control. The heart is on the left (actually it's about right in the center), and heart can be 'hater' or the symbol of love. Go figure.

Actually, there was a cover story of Time or Newsweek I saw at the supermarket that talked about the places in the brain that were the origins of "good" and "evil." Is it all just brain chemistry?

The main argument I have though, against being sane, is that God wants us to enjoy life, he's the source of all happiness, and happiness really can be a warm gun. I am not a danger to myself or others, though. At least as far as I know. Maybe I butterfly effect some hurricanes, or tune myself to the frequency of the earth and cause earthquakes. Maybe my very thoughts have an effect on the world, as a global telepath, if not causing, then contributing to wars or whatnot. I know not what I do. Furthermore, our very survival as a species may require BILLIONS of humans to die off (read Wikipedia's article on scientific eschatology). Even murder isn't so cut and dry. Some people want to die. War is funded by congress, and all those bullets flying results in MURDER, of both combatants and noncombatants. There's the concept of original sin. Just because someone wants to kill you doesn't make them your enemy. Maybe they just don't understand you. You're supposed to love your enemy, and that generally doesn't mean killing them. Maybe it does. There's the adage, "kill 'em all. Let God sort 'em out." If you believe in God, you generally believe in heaven or paradise. Buddhists see death as an end to suffering. Meat is murder, and we eat lots of burgers in America. I confess, I'm a murderer too. We sell cans of Raid in the supermarket. What makes humans worth more than ants? There's the Death Penalty, sanctioned by the State. If some talented lawyer can kill some "criminal" with his words, then why can't I? Not that I want to. I'm adopted, and abortion kills the unborn. I'm glad I'm alive, and abortionists are legally sanctioned killers. Life DOES begin at conception. Some people say life begins at age 40. Ha. So go out to love and serve the lord. Lord stands for Life or Death? Whatever. It's all good. Unless it's all bad. Unless it's all WHATEVER.