HnH

 Heaven

I woke up to birds singing, refreshed.  I ate a huge breakfast of all I could eat, and then shot up some heroin.   I don’t get fat here, and addiction is impossible.  Maybe I’ll try body building in the future.  Like in a million years or whatever.   I’ll be here forever.  The library here is the best.  I’m gonna read it all!  I love God, I really do.  Sex with anybody, any time.  God is the best.

Hell

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Heaven

I’m gonna read Wikipedia.   This might take awhile.  I’ll do it by the pool, in this lovely sunshine.

Hell

Owww.  Ow! Ow!

Heaven

I’ll go see a movie with some friends.   Everything’s free.  Then I’ll go to the gym, play some basketball or swim some laps.   We can program reality here - did I tell you that?   Like I can ask to never get tired.  Or hungry.  Or I can teleport to any place/time.  Or be invisible.  Shit like that.   It’s awesome.  All praise be unto Allah!

Hell

Ouch!  Stop that.  Ow.  Ow!

Heaven

I’m off to the Bahamas.    See you in a couple weeks.  I’m not bringing my phone.  I’m gonna see what it’s like to be a manatee.   Looking forward to it!   Have fun at the concert.

Hell

Ahhhhhh!  God, someone help me!

Heaven

I’m going to the comedy club tonight.   I’m gonna take acid tomorrow, and then go to a baseball game on Friday.   Then a lecture on Saturday.   The library just opened a new section: Dreams.    These things play while you’re asleep - and they’re interactive.  The best reality-command is No Pain, or Turn Off Pain, in my opinion.   There are literally tens of thousands of radically different worlds in the human spacetime section.  Drugs, dreams, cultures, settings.  I like hanging out in the Amazon with my crack pipe.  

Hell

No, not that again.  Fuck.  I hate you bastards.

Heaven

Wow.  Have you been to the perfume store yet?  Effing amazing!  God helps us remember all these travel experiences by indexing them to scents.   Perfect memory and access to omniscience is always one of the better services God offers, up here.  I’ll try flying soon - always wanted to do that.  I’m gonna start as a fly, then a hummingbird, then a pterodactyl, then an angel.   They say it’s incredible.  I’ll tell you all about it at lunch at the new sushi place.

Hell

Ow.

Heaven

The video games are insane, here.   I’ve been in this immersive WWII game for a week, now.   I’ve killed thousands.  It really makes me feel better.  All praise be unto Allah!

Hell

Shit.  I shouldn’t have killed that puppy.  Please, no more tattoos.

Heaven

I’m gonna train for the marathon.   The runner’s highs always keep me coming back.

Hell

Not the comfy chair!  It’s got centipedes crawling all over it!

Heaven

I’m gonna read about Earth.   We get the papers here, too.  I can pause time, and catch up with everything.  We can walk around the Earth Matrix, invisibly, and rewind or fast forward…  I spend months at a time in it.   We can appear in visions or dreams of our undead family and friends if we want.. but it needs clearance from the dream-guardians, though.  

Hell

Thumb-screws? Iron-maiden? Abacination? Waterboarding? Again? Ohhh fuck

Heaven

I love watching tv.  I’m gonna watch ALL of it.  Even the commercials.  I mean why not?  I can make the products apparate in my living room, on command!  And it’s even better high.  The weed in this place is primo.  I love Lucy re-runs.  spanish-language telenovelas.  Miami Vice madness.  Buffy.   All the channels from all the countries from all of human history!  I can binge on certain shows, or call up certain scenes/memories, or put things on loops, or exit into immersive environments from the shows, to explore things further.  Alternate universes, like Middle-Earth (Lord of the Rings) or Pandora (Avatar).   All the tv shows and movies and books have their own universes to explore.   God has his own file of dreams.  Author’s minds and the minds of those who never even wrote anything, too!  Psychonaut all the drugs.  God’s mind is a trip, I gotta tell you.

Hell

Drawn and quartered?  Tarred and feathered?  Battered and broken? Geezus

grades: abcdf

aborted, broken, cracked, defective, faulty

flunk, fail, fry (fuck!)

scream on, on screen