I've been writing lately
Ai ay aye!! flying high in the sky!
(I like to write)
I am a writer. Because I write.
Not HOW I write, but THAT I right. Am I good writer? I leave that
judgement to you. I think I write well, though, because I think
well, and because I've had a fair amount of practice, putting
thoughts to paper, journalling, and being a mind that's processed its
reality, a kind of machine-like crunching of data, for over 4
decades. I also read a lot. I earnestly hope you find my prose
clear and lucid, and perhaps entertaining, if not edifying. Also, I
enjoy writing. Typing, seeing my thoughts, and constructing a
narrative -being creative- are satisfying acts. I mean, it's better
than staring at the ceiling, right? Maybe a buddhist monk would
disagree. Well, to each his own. I'm more of a monkey than a monk.
My last name is Teshara (pronounced T' share-uh), and just as
Wordsworth tried to make valuable words, I strive to be true to my
name, and share. I've got shit to share. What did the Buddhist Monk
says to the hot-dog vendor? Make me one with everything! BM? ew.
Thoughts are ephemeral, but
printed words, processed thought, hold the promise of permanence.
Well, maybe not infinity, eternity, forever! Forever, (“and ever,”
- why do they say that?) - that's a mighty long time.
Forever-forever? Not even a diamond lasts that long, I would guess.
But it's a kind of
immortality. A larger fraction of infinity (but, I realize, still a
drop in the Vast). I like to see evidence of my existence, with the
potential to outlive my body, and the possibility of lurking for
thousands of years on a bookshelf. It's the poor man's way of
downloading one's mind and brain into a matrix, a computer, the
machine. Actually, I'm not sure Bill Gates himself can do much
better. But maybe all the world's books will be uploaded to
cyberspace, and then maybe even read by The Great Mind, which is what
I'm calling a super-intelligent computer from the future. Reality is
a kind of construct, and books are spells within the larger spell.
Merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Am I dreaming my own life, or
is someone else my author? That's where Gods and Devils come in.
Mind control can be welcome or unwelcome. We each play different
roles, live different lives, and have different identities.
Geography and History, space and time; or just spacetime, if you
will. The moral and amoral, both sides of the chessboard, competing
for possession of your inner throne. Situational ethics. And within
each of us, are competing selves. Not each of us is schizophrenic,
but I would say all of us house a multiplicity, a diversity. Our
brains themselves are split (in hemispheres), even if our minds
themselves are not. We're crowd-sourced, you might say. Priests and
parents try to program us to be ideal adults. It starts with our
names. What's in a name? Well, I'm Jesse Teshara, and there's a lot
of possibility in that. Jesse is Jesus or Isai or Chuy, in spanish.
Hey Zeus, Artificial Intelligence, Chewbacca...you see where I'm
going with this? See SJ is Jesse, rearranged. Teshara anagrams to
'as earth.' I've got the whole world in my hands! 'Ace wrathless
sane jeer' for example, is an anagram of my full name. I lived for a
spell, you might say. But I don't do it merely for myself. I'm 44
years old, and I've done a fair amount of thinking, and I hope you'll
enjoy the fruits of my cogitation, the truth of my philosophy, and
gain, in addition to some wisdom, a portion of the happiness I feel
when I write. I'm communicating with strangers from the future.
That's you, my friend! I know, I know, there's nothing but an
eternal present. My writing is a rite, and hopefully it's all right!
It takes longer to write than to read, so you're being me,
efficiently!
I
set aside time every day to tap my soul through the keyboard onto
computer, then paper, until eventually it reaches you, my anonymous
destination. The Wright brothers took flight, and these words are my
flight of fancy, landing on eyes, ears, and brain-cells. For a
moment, your mind is mine! (I suspect the mind is mined at night by
Morpheus). If I am dead when you read this, then my slowly
disintegrating bones will feel happier with your attention and
approval. But if I'm alive, I'm grateful for your time, and your
time-travel into my past! Or is it my time-travel into your future?
Certainly both, I would say. Ah, writing and reading, what a
wonderful, magical, world. A far better pursuit than thievery,
soldiering, boxing, hitman, assassin... Maybe even better than being
president! Intellectual lectors and elections, and you, the select
few. Really, a street sweeper could be a master of the universe, and
a president a mere pawn. Such is life. And you may not even be born
yet! (Today, the time of writing, is Wednesday, 1-27-2016 c.e.,
9:10pm). Drop me a line if you wish to meet the author!
MY
ideal job is author. Hopefully, yours is being a reader! We make
quite a pair. Me, solitary, in my room, tap-tap-tap, pecking away,
and you, eyes and mind flowing over the surface of the page, gleaning
images, and concepts, and well-put turns of phrase, to put in that
magical file of yours, your brain, capable of anything, with the
potential to live a glorious life of excitement and joy and bliss.
The bliss of roller coasters and sex and music, as well as the bliss
of tranquility, peace, and calm. Entire libraries scream for your
attention. Gyms demand daily maintenance and improvement. Kitchens
and grocery stores and cookbooks implore your creativity. Products
and people in various places, requiring logistics, getting from
supply to demand. Games, movies, restaurants, entertainment give.
Sleep, making crafts, chores take. Experiences lurk everywhere.
Bike,
bart, bus about. Take a train to Thailand. Hitchhike to Hell (it's
a town in Norway, too). Take a life, make a baby. Sex and violence,
sax and violins, make music, live your life, feel alive, all things
in moderation, including moderation. Go to prison, witness a
miracle, go to heaven. Heaven is in a book. Heavenly is a
ski-resort. Paradise is near Chico. Make money, be homeless, take a
risk, make friends, hate some shit. Love life. Live until you die.
Does that help? Kaiser says to thrive. Throw that knife into the
river. Fuck some shit up. Go crazy. Take meds. Remember to brush,
floss, rinse. Early to bed, early to rise, supposedly made Benjamin
Franklin healthy, wealthy, and wise. Good morning, Vietnam! Robin
Williams and Kurt Cobain committed suicide. Maybe you can learn from
them. Authenticity is sacred, but identity is fluid. Love all,
serve all, be all. Be all you can be. Aim High. Be an army of one.
Welcome to Mordor, Sauron. Welcome to hell, Satan. Welcome to
heaven, God.
BEING GOD
Only God is good.
To be good, all you have to do is not be bad. Being God is easy!
You can be better than God!! You can be yourself, which is above
Godhood, which is above Jesus, which is above the pope, which is
above the minions and sheeple of the catholic church, which is above
-i dunno- (are some religions better than others?). Personally, I
think Buddhism is better than Catholicism is better than Islam. But
being an atheistic God outranks them all. You rule your own world,
your own mind, your own happiness, your own life. And being God, you
can define your own morality for yourself, and outrank all those puny
moralists in the courts and churches and synagogues and mosques and
legislatures. You are in charge! Being in control is the ultimate
in empowerment. The only power others have over you is that which
you give to them. Ceding power is your choice, you always have that
option, but I prefer supremacy, in my own realm. And I advise being
open to taking advice! We're all pretty much in the same boat,
anyway. But what works for me may not work for you. Human nature
can be pretty diverse. I like promoting myself to priest, being
self-ordained, after of course writing my blog, which was my process
of self-apotheosis. Being God is fun. I recommend it. But if you
find yourself drawn to criminality, all I can say is don't get
caught. The freedom to swing your fist ends at the tip of my nose,
in my view. If we're all the same, then everyone else is God, too
(even if they don't know it, or submit to someone else). God is
usually defined as love, and as merciful, but there is a time to
kill, and vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord. Of course, you don't
need to draw on the bible or established religion for your ideology
and precepts. The dalai lama said kindness is my religion. Adi Da
said Reality is all the god there ever is. Fear of God, then, would
be pantophobia! What did Yoda say about fear? “Fear is the path to
the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate
leads to suffering.” Nobody wants suffering. Well, their own,
anyway. Except the masochists. They can go to hell. I don't
believe in an afterlife, good or bad, so I can say that. I'd still
like to live for a few thousand years, though, if not be surprised by
waking up after death somewhere pleasant and idyllic. The word
heaven reminds me of heaving, which reminds me of the myth of
Sisyphus, which isn't heavenly at all. Utopia might be a better
word. Plus, it's achievable for society, for earth, for humanity,
and -in my view- should therefore be the “heaven” we all strive
and hope for. But why stop there?
We can make the heavens heavenly too! No limits. Love is part of
evol-ution.
BEING DEVIL
Devil is the
opposite of lived, just evil isn't live, just as dog isn't God, and
'essej' isn't me, Jesse. That's my message, a mess of sage. Deep,
ain't it? Whoa, nellie! LN says what? Anyway, mm, essej. Delicious!
Jesse means God's gift, or God makes forget, or “the whole office
of the eucharist.” It's a biblical name, as King David was the son
of Jesse, and the genealogy of Jesus is called the Jesse tree. JT,
like me (and also like the sign for pi). To share Ra, the ancient
egyptian sun god. My mom is Peggy T, which is pretty close to the
word Egypt. My dad drives a PT cruiser. My brother's initials are
GLT (like the volvo). Larry Teshara can be shortened to Tes-la. My
birthday is 9-3, like the Saab, in the year '71, like the Z71 truck.
No car, like North Carolina, sob. Scar, like South Carolina (said my
voice). The Scientologist said I had low accord. Jesse Teshara
Christ =DIE. If you want to crucify me, that's certainly my
response. What is the basis of this silly equation? Besides
Jesus=Death (=2)
Jesse=15115=4=D.
Teshara=2518191=9=I. Christ=389912=5=E. Well, that was fun.
Let's try an
easier tack, as mathematical meaning can be a bit mean
(Lawrence=31595535=9, btw).
Devil is 4-evil
(for evil, uc?). Satan is say, ten (and it is, too...11215).
Lucifer is 3339659=2. Mephistopheles is 45789126785351 (14 digits,
phew!) =8. So, Lucifer Mephistopheles is Jesus, God!! Go figure.
Antichrist =4.
David, Al, Jesse, Four
and Four (I've met
someone with the name 'Four'); also, I know an April (the 4th
month)
so many candidates
for Antichrist!
I'm against
untruth, and I don't believe Jesus (really) walked on water, or
changed water to wine.
Just because he did
some magic tricks, I'm not going to be his follower.
I think he
commanded (or deserved) a dream-world, if in fact those “miracles”
even happened.
He said he was the
way, the truth, the light. There's a cathedral of light, nearby.
Light is a weird
thing, always traveling the same speed, photons being waves and
particles, etc.
I don't understand
Jesus. Honestly, I don't think Jesus understood Jesus (or light,
anyway).
Did he say if I'm
not with him, I'm against him?
I don't consider
myself an Antichrist, but maybe I am (on his terms).
Christ just means
anointed with oil (chrism), so i could make myself christ with some
olive oil.
I have no desire to
follow in Jesus' footsteps, as I imagine any sane person would as
well.
Also, Jesus may
have survived his crucifixion, coming back to life later, but he's
surely dead now (unless you consider the “body of christ” to be
his church-membership)
I kind
of identify, actually, with As Earth (my last name), which would be
non-exclusionary to non-christians. T' share uh, to share 2, to
share Jesus/beast/lucifer/it... Beast is of course “the beast with
two backs”, or sex. Lucifer is light, which is like being born
(into the light). IT (besides information technology), could
therefore stand for being born again. Being “born again” is
being a creature of light, being possessed by Jesus, you might
believe. If you believe you're Jesus, that seems kinda scary to me,
'cause you would want revenge on your crucifiers (the
“anti-christs”), and you could get violent, because you're not
yourself anymore.
That's what being the devil is.
Thou shalt not kill (though you shalt
not kill, maybe I will!.. vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord)
lord= l or d (life or death) (love or
despair) (light or darkness) (Ln or david?) 3 or 4! like or
dislike?1or 6
