Hell

caution, adult themes/strong language

Ahh, bloody hell. It's a fucking abortion hurricane in here. Body parts, spatter, slippery smear. The remnants of released rage, controlled fury. What the fuck am I looking at. Horror. Scenes that can never be un-seen. Women and children screaming. Men committing suicide. Crazed maniacs tearing each others' throats out with their teeth. Babies thrown against walls. Madness. Sporadic gunfire ratatat-tatting, exploding skulls into bits of brain, seemingly everywhere. But this is not war. War is hell, they say: This is worse than hell. War has a logic, a rationale, goals, objectives, victory. But here, this place, there is no rationality anywhere, save maybe what little remains for survival, in a world where life will never be worth living again, of that you can be sure. There is no going back. Everyone is for themselves. There are no sides. Trust no one. An ongoing tragedy, with zombie-eyed, empty, lifeless victims in shock, tears, pain. I am one of them. I cannot help anyone, not myself, nobody, no one. There can be no consolation, no remedy, no healing, no wellness, no recovery, reparation, or undoing. I am helpless before a power greater than myself. God is said to be love, but God is dead. The only love here is a sadistic love of inflicting pain. Cold hatred and suicidal vengeance rule. The devil has demanded justice. Combat, once elegant, has degenerated into a fright-fest of inexplicable savagery. A crime scene of mass cruelty and torture, hatred of life, unadulterated evil, hopeless despair and longing for death. Death, the price of sin. Vengeance is mine, sayeth Darkness. And he wants apocalyptic annihilation. Hell always comes as a surprise. Death is merciful, but there is no mercy here. The Darkness is never satisfied.

The devil

Inexplicable, you say? Meat is murder, as any child knows. I quote the bible: Thou shalt not kill, the price of sin is death, and vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord. God is a man of war. As you know, from Sun Tzu, the art of war is deception. Hell is heaven! Hahaha.

Wickedness and evil, once considered banal, I have justly made exceptional here. I am proud to say I have created the absurd heights of extremity, regarding turpitude, far far from the normality of carnivorous delight, and its background of mostly unseen animal apocalypse. A horrible business, that. Abattoirs are the modern holocaust. Despicable humanity will have its due. You, unfortunately, are not one of the exceptions. Welcome to hell, good sir. You can expect torment, continuous and unrelenting, in the form of the all-consuming fear of our random process of doled out agony and suffering, and of course the expectation and certainty of unrestrained and viciously painful lethality, unleashed on the guilty, the deserving, the rotten, the brutal, the criminal, the sources of misery and anguish, reaping their just desserts. Justice is sweet! The icing on the cake, I dare say. Mmm, flesh. You guys are so good. Your pain is delicious. You know it's fair, so prepare to despair!  Now for justice: Let the torture commence!

loss of control, incarceration,
with simultaneous gloom, nausea, pain, fear
madness: head shocks, chest pains, intrusive and unwelcome voice
hatred and suicidal ideation

common sense

what are the senses, o sense-say?

We have 5 senses but there are 16 extra ones that not many people know about and they are :

1:light
2:color
3:hearing
4:smell
5:sweet taste
6:sour taste
7:salty taste
8:bitter taste
9:umami taste (meaty taste)
10:touch
11:balance
12:proprioception (joint position)
13:kinaesthesis (movement)
14:heat
15:cold
16:blood pressure
17:blood oxygen content
18:cerebrospinal fluid PH
19:plasma osmotic potential (thrust)
20:artery-vein glucose difference (hunger)
21:lung inflation

VAST amounts of books

telephony and bibliophilia

Verizon, Att, Sprint, T-mobile
What ever happened to the band Visual Auditory Sensory Theater?
I bought a cd of theirs a long time ago.
hey, vato.  waddup, g
vatog: visual auditory tactile olfactory gustatory
(the fancy way to list the 5 (main) senses:
neurologists list anywhere between 9 to 21 (!) senses)

anyway,
this is my current book list (12), on deck:

Case Against the Supreme Court, by Erwin Chemerinsky
Cleopatra, A Life, by Stacy Schiff (recommended by A. Glover)
The American Heritage Spanish Dictionary
The Chambers Dictionary (10th Edition)
National Geographic 1000 Events that Shaped the World
That Book of Perfectly Useless Information, by Mitchel Symons
A Game of Thrones, by George RR Martin
The Book of the Bizarre, by Varla Ventura
Are Lobsters Ambidextrous, by David Feldman
How Does Aspirin Find a Headache?, also by Feldman
Your Pinkie is More Powerful Than Your Thumb, by Mark Di Vincenzo
National Geographic's An Uncommon History of Common Things,
    by B Patrick and J Thompson

and, of course, there's my 1001 list I've been neglecting, to get back to...

cold

Brr

darth vader says ho...brrr.
berkeley is brrr..chilly
rolling stones sing, i'm so hot for her, but she's so cold!
justice is just ice
brrrgers are delicious, but it's a cold thing to do to cattle.
what's your beef? burgrrr.
meat in buns, ew that's not sexy at all.
frozen is a disney movie
mr. freeze played by ahnold
the ice guy from the x-men
cold-blooded killahs
co-ld, company lethal dose (evokes murder inc., a metallica song)
ah-choo! people have colds.
global warming makes some places colder, they say.
chili is delicious, and chile is a country.  i scream iced cream.
chill-dren, chill out!  take a chill pill!
a look that chills me to this day..
ICE: immigration and customs enforcement
police is pol-ice, another form of ice.
ice-9
ice, ice, baby!  and Ice-T
Isis....ice sis
isometric exercise
dry ice, blue ice
mice, lice, dice, twice, trice, suffice, nice, price, rice, vice, splice
malice, chalice, Alice (callous, phallus, Dallas, Tallis scholars, valise)

negativeland

pain and hatred
pah!

buddhism has its work cut out for it.

war, killing, murder, death
pain and suffering, torture
misery, anguish, despair
anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury
vs.
peace, mercy, kindness, compassion
charity, feeling alive, clean
happiness, comfort, joy, pleasure, fun
love, forgiveness

I really don't  think it's all good.  or god is everywhere.  or evil doesn't exist.
or that I shouldn't have aversion to the former, or attraction to the latter...

what say you?
is nonexistence equal to existence?
pain is only temporary, and this too will pass?

Nietszche (I learned from Philosophy Talk) believed Jesus needed love to such a great extent that he created (the concept of?) hell for those that didn't love/follow/believe him. 

I'm not sure, but I'm leaning toward a desire to have the devil burn in hell.
My voice, David A. Eldridge, says he's the devil, and I'm inclined to agree.
He causes me real suffering, torments me with headshocks/chest pains/ unwanted (telepathic/schizophrenic) voice.   
Whoever sends someone to hell, deserves hell themselves, I've thought earlier.
As long as incarceration is hellish, I'm against lawyers for prosecution.
To extinguish my own suffering, do I need to accept his rotten presence in my life?
He won't relent.  I hate him.
I hate the pain, the voice, and my mental illness/taking meds.
I feel possessed, the victim of mind control, and unjustly punished.
Fuck you, David, and go to hell, you piece of shit bastard.
That's really how I feel.  Just leave me alone, all right?

You would think that if you experience hell, you wouldn't want others to go there.
But the opposite is often (usually?) true, I guess.

recent entertainment

an update

I've seen 3 movies recently:
The Hobbit (5 armies), Big Eyes, and American Sniper

2 bands:
Pablo Cruise, at Yoshi's (on the 17th)
Celtic Fiddle Festival (coming up, Feb. 12th, at the Freight and Salvage)
(i won the tickets from kalx and kzsu)

books:
Jesus is better than you imagined, by Jonathan Merritt (1/15th)
I just got a new Spanish-English dictionary from Amazon.
I started The Case Against the Supreme Court, by Erwin Chemerinsky

(I've fallen behind in my book/day goal, but I've still been busy)

update (2/26/15)
from my recent trip to Auburn:
I saw the movie 'Kingsmen' at the theater in Auburn, CA with T
I saw the movie 'Paul' on tv
I went to a Roller Derby in Sacramento
I ate a jellyfish salad at a Vietnamese restaurant
I took Amtrak bus/train round-trip (they have wifi!)
I walked a trail overlooking the canyon with Bruce
I walked with T and Gracie (the frenchie) a couple times
We took Gracie to the vet
had dinner at Pat and Ron's, left with leftovers.
got froyo outside Rust & Ruffles, across from 'mancave'
ate the veggie (patty) sandwich at Subway, with cookie

A Good Day

today's topic

A good day, for me, is:

busy, structured, productive (but maybe also includes a nap)
-wake early, rested

 -exercise (usually at the Y, sometimes twice), progress:
    You sleep better after a good swim, is good to keep in mind.  The doctor says you should "sweat every day", which is why I do the stationary bike for cardio.  I bicycle everywhere, too (with a helmet).  I want to lose my gut, get stronger, and gain endurance.  Fit, strong, healthy, well.  Physical health contributes to mental health.

 -good food ("eat right", which for me is less/no meat, minimal candy/soda, and includes the 3 vitamins: vitamin c, omega 3, b12, as well as nightly medications [olanzapine, risperdal], and a scoop of gnc protein powder a half-hour before exercise).

-read the daily NY Times.
-read a book-a-day, too (can be a children's book)
-good news (in the paper)
(like the cnn heroes feature, the end of a war, or good economic news)
-lots of blog visitors, blog comments
-learning answers/ a new word, vocabulary
-stimulus: music, movie, magazines

-time with friend(s) and/or dogs
-okcupid contact
-email from family, friends

-non-symptomatic (no pain, voice, shock)

-win lotto!
-make money
-give to charity

-pleasant weather (i like rain in addition to sunshine)
-beauty, nature
-good mood

-go to sleep tired
-good dreams (nightmares are therapeutic, they say,  btw)

(I don't need all these things, to have a good day, but the more, the better)

also,
yoga, meditate, relaxed, positive, happy, peaceful, walk, hike, cook
zest, variety, thrive, play, discover, learn, lose self, flow
make others happy, service, charity, jokes
toys, stuff, shopping, presents
safe, creative, win, clean
love, romance

terror stats

huh!

since 9/11 ('01), Muslim-linked terrorism has claimed the lives of 37 Americans.

compare this with:
In that same amount of time, more than 190,000 Americans were murdered.
30 Americans are killed each day from gun violence. 
3 women/day are killed in domestic violence, in America.

5 Thoughts

hope they help.

Love
a. a really close friend, who you also have sex with
b.a feeling, an attitude toward the world, toward life, toward everyone

God is dead
a.when a loved one dies
b.when you don't love yourself/your life, or don't love anyone/life.

Truth
is good, and telling the truth is virtuous, no matter how reviled, and by declaring my personal truth, I am being Godly, even if it consists of atheistic self-apotheosis.  To play the role of God is to share truth.

G-D
GD can stand for God, Global Development, good....or gravely disabled.
Or a "good day."

quote
"There are no strangers here, only friends you haven't met yet." -W.B. Yeats

Deluded Jesus

His crucifixion was not God's will

It certainly wasn't HIS will, I'm pretty sure of that!
And Christians seem to think he was/is/is part of, God.
In the battle of good v. evil, I would say the devil beat Jesus when ol' J died.
Why would Jesus' Dad want his son to be crucified?
Maybe Jesus sinned in a major way, and deserved crucifixion?
Was Jesus guilty?  
There are no answers to these questions: it's ancient history.
I'm not sure I care, to tell you the truth.
It seems like a raw deal to me, and maybe a warning for any would-be Lords, Messiah, Christs, or Gods out there (like me?).  I'm ignoring this, and will continue to speak/write my mind.
What would Jesus have done if he wasn't killed?
Would he have healed everyone?  Ruled the world?  Had a family?
Some people think he's in space, alive, immortal -with the aliens presumably- before he returns to earth at some point to resume where he left off.
I think it's kind of silly to repeat every Sunday your belief that Jesus is ascended into heaven and sitting at the right hand of his father, like an immortal that doesn't move, out in space.
I also believe, once your dead, resurrection is impossible- it's kaput, you're life is over.
Back to oblivion, nonexistence, like you were before you were born.
But some physicists believe we live in holographic universe, with 11 dimensions, or something.
I don't claim to have a clue about either of these suppositions.
Do we live in a hologram?  Are we holograms?  Why do they say that?
I live in Berkeley, which is named after a bishop/philosopher who believed the world was the physical manifestation of God's dreaming, if I remember correctly.
This is interesting, if we're all God!

Light
I was thinking there are 3 competing concepts of light out there:
(from the sun (plasma), from fire, from lightbulbs)
also,
1)a particle, the photon, like a billiard ball or a bullet, that is a quantum -a discrete amount- of energy, travelling through space at the speed of light, bouncing off things, and being absorbed, and causing different colors, depending on what it hits.
2)a wave, like sound, or maybe the ocean, that experience constructive or destructive interference, when it interacts with other waves, lapping on the shore of our eyes.
and
3)a "ray" of light, which is different from a particle or a wave, because mathematically a ray is a line that goes in only one direction, travelling straight (a line goes in both directions).  It's kind of connected to it's source, I guess is what I'm saying.

questions
4)hm, there's also the light in our heads, that we see when we dream.  are those photons?
5)Adi Da said he was "conscious  light", which is a bit difficult for me to wrap my head around, because there's confusion and uncertainty about what light is, as well as what consciousness is.
6)For example, does it have weight?  After all, it's called "light"!!
7)How does /would it push a "solar sail"?
8)Can inanimate matter have consciousness? A rock? Is the sun an organism? (I just saw a tv show -Dr. Who- with that premise)

I was thinking about the phrase "all right" today.
Clearly, not everything is right.
Nuclear weapons, for example, I think we can all agree on, are a travesty and should not exist.
I overheard someone recently say, "you have to be willing to destroy the world in order save the world."  I disagree, although I see what he's saying (MAD, mutually assured destruction, provides deterrence).  Global disarmament is possible (even with distrust, or without universal goodwill).

I got an email from Barack Obama today, entitled "tell the president what's on your mind" or something to that effect.  And then, after I got excited about writing my thoughts, I was given a list of topics to choose from.  WTF?  F.U. Obama.  That sucks.  That seriously pissed me off.  I'm not one of your damn sheeple, alright?  I had something I wanted to say, and wasn't allowed to say it.  Seriously?  Yes we can?  Ugh.

To demand other countries disarm, without doing so ourselves, is hypocritical.  We have no right to demand Iran not have nukes, without disarming our own.  I mean, duh.  Isn't that obvious?  Are we secretly endorsing the nuclearization of Iran?? Are we all the devil's sheeple/pawns?

Anyway, is killing an ant the same as nuking a city?  Or vice versa?  I was thinking about how ants respond when they find a dead ant, and how they go all nuts, just like how France got crazy with the recent islamist terrorism.  Ant-hropology conjurs ants, too.  The universe is infinitely big, so in a way, we're not very different from ants.  SF, across the bay, has The Giants (baseball team).   A law professor at Davis said to "squash them like bugs," in a lecture there.  Solidarity with the animal kingdom might imply we not want to kill germs, though.   Did Jesus kill germs?  With his right hand or his left hand?  We're all going to die.  We're all dying.  The entire universe.  Every star will go black.  No diamond is really forever.  Forever is a mighty long time.  Death may be hated, but it's the universal fate.  Like oingo boingo says, no one lives forever!  We're like bubbles.  You're gonna pop.

 When people say "all right," am I supposed to chuck morality out the window, and accept all the horror and violence as somehow good, (as it presumably is, for the perpetrators).   Evil is everywhere, banal, commonplace, as evidenced by war, abortion, and meat, in addition to crime.  If love is the answer, then we have to love the devil, too.  Every single one of us, the devil inside, as they say. 4-evil is the code behind the word d-evil. If you think about it like that, killing doesn't seem as bad.  Thou shalt not kill is the commandment.  But time kills all.  And vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord.  The price of sin is death.   And swatting a fly is pretty easy, and some people are more annoying that flies (to me, anyway).  I have no compunction about stepping on a cockroach.  But they don't throw you in prison for killing bugs.  The word police makes me think of P.O. lice (pissed off lice).  You don't want them in your hair.  But we all should serve and protect.  That's a noble goal and profession. Governments should step up, and eliminate nuclear weapons, a'ite?

Today at Kaiser, the art therapy group I go to had the topic of problem/solution.
Here's what I came up with:
problems: unhealth, boredom, money, peace, anomie, addiction, ignorance, rut, unhappiness, imperfection, and evil.

solutions:
Unhealth
exercise, good nutrition, meds, hygiene, cheer/laughter, meditation, right amount of sleep.

Boredom
friends, books, music, volunteering, movies, news

Money
frugality, work, charity, ssa/ssi, lottery, inheritance, gold-digging

Peace
outlets, diplomacy, victory

Anomie
love

Addiction
support, rehab

Ignorance
wikipedia, books, magazines, libraries, schools, teachers, science, curiosity, writing/research, google.

Rut
variety, nature

Unhappiness
extinguish greed, hatred, delusion; sex, good food/restaurant dining; fun/play/games; service

Imperfection
practice, creativity, discipline, improvement

Evil 
law, morality, religion, justice, connection, communication, compassion, leadership, virtue, example, integrity, kindness.

Happy New Year!

Wussup, Redmond! lol.
Another 584 million mile journey of the earth around the sun completed!
Did everyone make a new year's resolution?

Mine was to floss.
I'm maintaining last year's still, which was 'early to bed, early to rise.
I'm reading a book/day this year, which I'm happy about.

I've read:
1)Fluent in 3 Months, by Benny Lewis
2)Border Patrol Nation, by Todd Miller
3)Thud, by Terry Pratchett
4)El Cazador de Tatuajes, por Jevenal Acosta
5)Stuffed, by Glenn Eichler and Nick Bertocci
6)Lost in Translation, by Ella Frances Sanders (today's read)

tomorrow I hope to finish
7)Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett
on deck also, from the library as well, is
8)el guardian del tiempo, por Mitch Albom, and
9)cuentos de eva luna, por isabel allende

None of these are from my 1001 list.
I'm trying to read lots of Spanish so I can reach mastery level this year.
I'm also reading the daily NY Times, and hitting the Y.
Sweat, every day.  I weigh 200 lbs, which is much better than I was.
I want to lose another 10, gain muscle, and lose the gut.
busy, busy!

I won tickets today from kalx to Pablo Cruise at Yoshi's on Saturday, January 17th.
My mom tells me today is the anniversary of the day I was baptized.
Crazy how she remembers these things!
I walked Fido and Taco today, and gave Julie and Sam a (belated xmas gift of a) jar of ginger paste, because we love the ginger paste tofu at the Thai restaurant downtown San Leandro, so now they can make their own!  I bought a sushi burrito today, from Sushi Secrets, downtown Berkeley.

So my new year's routine is daily BEN (book, exercise, ny times)

I really like my new room, by the way.
cheers,
Jesse