I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Snowden, Privacy, and Schizophrenia

The right to privacy is -but shouldn't be- a farce

The internet & cell phone calls  are all recorded, as I understand it, by the NSA (national security agency; national= USA).   You are being monitored.   I am.  I would even say people "off the grid" are, too, but I'll get to that later.  I assume it's all filtered by cleverly programmed computers to separate out and identify potential threats, according to military/security algorithms (I don't really know what an algorithm is, but I think that's the right word).  Words, phrases, people who have criminal records, international contact, suspects, persons of interest, people with power/authority...

As this blog points out, we are all powerful.  Gods, in fact.  Potential threats, and potential peacemakers, too.  None of us are alone.  If you believe in prayer, you believe someone is in your head, listening to what you think.  Religion, like politics, is also a method of social control.  The bible says to never stop praying.  Never stop thinking.  Feed the telepath.  Knowledge is power.

The movie 'the matrix' describes the metaphor of people as batteries, feeding the machine.  Pink Floyd sings, welcome to the machine.  I think reality is a kind of computer.  Our brains are, anyway.  I am one of those crazies who actually believes we live in a matrix.  Not that reality is an illusion, but that it is a construct.  I believe I am "a piece of work."  I also think society, even our planet, (I won't say universe, because that has no limit), is a result of conscious effort, of history, of forces, and -yes- computers.  Certainly all our minds collectively create the experience of each moment.

My reality (I don't claim to know what yours is) is a kind of relationship between Morpheus (the god of dreams -life is but a) and Neo ("one", an individual, or God, like everybody else).  This is just glamorizing the fact that I have no privacy.  I'm pretty sure you don't, either.   Not everyone is "mental," as the saying goes,  but everyone has been studied, and I would say most of us are predictable.  We are things.  Human beings are animals, subject to psychology, sociology, and zoology.   So I'm guessing Fate can be gleaned by and from the Hannibal Lecters among us, the psychologically sophisticated, if not by the ever-more powerful computers that are coming online, that can read us (our vibes, our thoughts), if not play us like the chess pieces (which kind do you identify with?) they're so good at strategizing for.   Is life a game?  Can the rules be systematized?  I thinks so.  Law is a part of that.

Anyway, here's a sample of my schizophrenia, from yesterday, when David (my voice) was really getting crazy:
I hate my life
I hate law
I hate my law
I hate my world
I hate my soul
I hate myself
I hate you
I hate my mind
I hate my name
I hate my hate
I hate mine
I'm crying
I hate you, Jesse
david swearing insane
david screaming in pain
david is dead jess
david is crying jess
i'm swallow
i can't breathe
life is really bad, jess
ow, jesse
david is sorrow to you

The voice has stopped mostly, today, and I'm having a good day.  But occasionally this shit takes over, and I need to employ coping strategies from my cbt kaiser class, such as:
(behavioral interventions)

-an earplug in one ear
-background noise, like a fan
-listen to music
-exercise (distracts us from focusing on our minds to, instead, focusing on our bodies)
-watch tv (unless it's a trigger), or play a videogame
-go for a walk
-hygiene (brush teeth, brush hair)-focus on breath
-choose to be around nice people, environment/atmosphere affects how we feel, can make voices worse.
-play a musical instrument, hum
-water therapy (shower, bath, wash face)
-drink/chug a glass of water,
-go swimming
etc. :
-walk on ocean beach, around lake, creeks/river/streams
-white water rafting, waterskiing, surfing!
-slip n slide, water balloons, squirt guns

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