Christ ends in T

poor guy

He's dead; if he died on the cross then he didn't rise again, because
once you die, you're dead, kaput, that's it, all she wrote.
And he will never return, either, because you only live once.
Nobody escapes oblivion.  To dust you shall return.

If anybody "comes again in glory to judge the living and the dead,"
it would be somebody like me, a new God, one deity among many,
and just another person like anybody else, created equal.

And I don't believe in souls or ghosts, so there will be no ethereal presences lurking around us, pushing pennies on doors, being captured as invisible whisps on camera, or otherwise surviving our deaths, and bringing us to some new world, better or worse than the one we're in (no matter how hard you pray for it).

From alpha to omega, we each have a personal moment of conception and time of death, which is much more relevant than worrying about when the mitochondrial eve existed in Africa, or when/if humanity goes extinct, for whatever reason at whatever date in the future.  If you think Jesus is controlling history, down to the level of your personal fate, I'm sorry to report that you are deluded, if not irrational, because Jesus is now only the name of some guys from Mexico (pronounced heyzeus), and nobody is controlling humanity from an afterlife.  Perhaps our dna will survive millions of years, and humanity will evolve into new forms, which is interesting to think about, since science is equipping us with greater genetic control, in addition to robots with artificial intelligence, and maybe we will colonize places like the moon, mars, or even exoplanets.  

So anyway, you're home eucharistic menu might include:
a cup of tea, unless it makes you "cross"
cheeses of nazareth
seitan
communion wafer (cum union waif-r, whatever that might be).
blood of christ (be lewd of chris-ty)

food (6664)
what's eating you?
eat up, chow down, on your te-bull

Eucharist

An idea for a more modern holy communion

Different varieties of Swiss Cheese from Israel

why?
swiss is the holiest
and
Cheeses of Nazareth!

yuk yuk yuk. 
why not?
You can eat seitan

and
There's Papa John's and Papa Murphy's
(Father John Murphy, S.J. was one of my highschool english teachers)
Holy Pizza, batman! 
I like garlic sauce with chicken, artichoke and uncooked tomatoes
yum

says Jesse,
whose name means "the whole office of the eucharist"
as well as "god makes forget"
fuggedaboutit

Heart

Anagrams, Things I enjoy, and Feelings

Heart anagrams:
Earth, Hater (which is interesting because the heart symbolizes love),
Herat (a city in Afghanistan)
Art, eh? and The AR (the initials of Annette Riddle, my birthmother)
H rate, H tear

(8) Things I enjoy  (H is the 8th letter)
1) books
2) my blog
3) music
4) movies, esp. documentaries, animation, nature shows
5) food, esp. sushi, thai, chinese, mexican, pizza, and sweets
6) dreams
7) my dogs, Oliver and Marcel
8) endorphins

Feelings:
-the "ads": sad, mad, glad*
-the state of being "just there", empty mind, doing nothing, simply existing, passing time
-a peaceful state (the same thing, but happier, such as sitting in the sun, or in a forest glade, etc.)

*madness, in the sense of MCI (mad crazy insane),
i.e. mentally ill or schizophrenic
is different
from being mad in the sense of angry, frustrated, upset, resentful.

should Insane be considered different form Un-sane?

heart related stuff: flow (the "flow state", such as being engrossed in reading/lost in a book, is a happy state).   The word flowers has flow in it.  Rappers spit a flow.  The heart beats, thump-thump, systole-diastole, which is the basis for most music.   There's a record store in Sacramento called The Beat.  And a band, too, formerly called the English Beat (of mirror in the bathroom fame).  Pump up the jam, pump it up, pump it, pump it.  The heart pumps blood, blood.  The heart symbol (as opposed to the actual organ), is comprised of a V and a 3 (or a less than sign and a 3).

various observations:
-Nature sums to 7, like heart/earth, and has 4 of heart's 5 letters in it.
-Nature is green, or red in tooth and claw.
-Gr (hater) and Gr e'en (earth/nature), and yellow (yell ow : heart without vowels is hrt)
-I was given a tour of Berkeley, when shopping for colleges,
by Gary Hart's press secretary, Kevin Sweeney.

Amazing Statistics re: Global Inequality

From online (world inequality), and the NYX (U.S. inequality)

5 stats from  http://www.fightpoverty.mmbrico.com/poverty/facts.html

Dealing with the world as a whole:
1)Half the world, around 3B people, live on less than $2 a day. (that's $730/year or less)
1.3B of those people live on less than $1 a day (that's $365/year or less).

2)The GDP of the 48 poorest nations is less than the top 3 richest people.
(Carlos Slim, the richest, has $69B)
(Bill Gates, #2, has $66B)
(Warren Buffett, third, $44B)
The population of the 48 poorest nations (link) is ?
(less than half of 1.7B people, the projected 2050 pop.)
The world population is 6.9B people. 
So, about 12% of the entire world population, in aggregate,
has as much as the mere top 3 people.
(if the stats are correct, but they're drawn from different years)
-Question: How many of the poorest make Carlos Slim's $69B?
I calculate about 319.1M people.

math
12% of 6.9B is 828Mpeople
69 divided by 69+66+44
69 divided by 179= 38.54% of 828M=319.1M people

3)The 200 richest people made $1T (in '99),
while the 43 least developed countries (LDC's), i.e. 582M people,
only made $146B
 
The top 10 richest people have $405.1B (as of March '11):
ranks 4 thru 10:
fourth, Bernard Arnault, $41B
fifth, Lawrence Ellison, $39.5B
sixth, Lakshmi Mittal, $31.1B
seventh, Amancio Ortega, $31B
eighth, Eike Batista, $30B
ninth, Mukesh Ambani, $27B
tenth, Christy Walton, $26.5B

4)A few hundred millionaires= 2.5B of the world's poorest people.

5)497 billionaires = $1.54T, which is more than the poorest half of humanity.
The GNP of all of sub-saharan africa was only $929.3B
The population of sub-saharan africa ('11) was 874,841,049 (874.8M)

The website I started with is dated '06, so I suspect some of the data has changed.

The world economy in 2011 had a total product of $78.94T
The world population, Sept. 2012, is 6,928,198,253 people (rounded to 6.9B)
Forbes data, via wikipedia, says there were 1,210 billionaires as of March '11.

And from an Opinion in the NY Times, 10-4-12, by Nicholas D. Kristof:
1) American inequality is so stark that the Top 1%
has more money than the bottom 90% -the Economic Policy Inst. in Washington

2)The 6 heirs of Sam Walton has as much money as 100M americans

and from the Economist:
3)"In the USA, the top 0.01% (about 16 thousand families) have almost 5% of the income."

And to put this in perspective:
-The U.S. National Debt is 16T dollars (T as in trillion)

-"LIBOR determines rates in $300T (yes, you read correctly, 300 trillion) worth of derivatives contracts and other financial instruments"

What I'm Worth

some budgetary calculus

-I get 876 a month in social security/disability
-My meds are about 22 per day

(876x12)+(22x365) =$18,542 per year
10,512 + 8,030

aside: It is interesting to note that I am at about the average global per capita income.
The world GDP (PPP) per capita, in international dollars, is $10,700
GDP stands for gross domestic product
PPP stands for purchasing power parity.

Right now, I have about 5 bucks in my bank account.
But I have zero debt.
Unlike, say, over 70% of American families.
So I'm not doing too bad :-)

Cleanliness

is next to Godliness

(at the right hand of the Father?)

suicide bomber satire

A story of an atheist S-B killing agnostics

link

Test of progress

a quote from FDR

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have little."

some thoughts on God

random scribblings

kwuteo: knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth, enlightenment, omniscience
clu: compassion, love, understanding

aside: what's overstanding?

empathy, sympathy
ethos, pathos, bathos
sexus, nexus, plexus, lexus
nature, development, truth, power, imagination

omni-potent, scient, present
love yourself
kind, caring, compassionate, loving, benevolent
joy, contentment
peace, relaxation, bliss, nirvana
Love, HP (higher power)
be right with ourselves, others, and God
Increase the peace!
Be good, reduce suffering, increase happiness
life, health, love, happiness, comfort, prosperity
food, friends, family
community, country

saw: stress, anxiety, worry
anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury
pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish, resentment

poverty, inequality, famine, starvation, hunger, malnutrition
illiteracy, innumeracy, ignorance
crime, corruption
disease, sanitation

centered, grounded
driven, purposeful
calm, tranquil
free

vs. in jail, prison
enslaved

spectrum
healthy, psychotic
well, ill
normal, schizo
negative, positive (-,+)
(what's so negative about subtraction? take it away, band!)
hope, despair

dream, reality
God is an atheist if he doesn't believe in himself

entertaining trivia:
Pope Boniface VIII asserted in 1302 that a belief in the sovereignty of the pope over everyone was necessary for salvation.

chinese zodiac

About me, a boar/pig

Noble and chivalrous
I will have lifelong friends
yet prone to marital strife
avoid other boars, ('47,'59,'71,'83,'95,'07)
seek rabbit or sheep

rabbit:'63,'75,'87
sheep: '67,'79,'91

this thing smacks of bestiality, but I'm not chinese

Happy!

an old list I found

smile, good company, interesting conversation, good food, comfort
joy, bliss, nirvana
others' smiles, happy eyes
acceptance
positive frame of mind
love
dancing, exercise, endorphins, heart rate, sweat
looking good, feeling good
satisfied, well being
feeling strong
good books, movies
finding something lost
finding a bargain
friends
blog feedback
achievement
sex, intimacy, flirting
creativity
travel
beauty
Nature
truth
something well-written
sanity, feeling sane, mental silence, no pain or shocks
health, wellness, fitness, strength
physical prowess- gymnastics, juggling, martial arts, dance
happy dogs
sushi
rollercoasters
"trippy" experience
swimming
sunbathing on a beach
concerts
galleries
art books
presents
money
taking pictures
nudity
fast cars, convertibles, weird cars
family
vivid dreams
Camp Royaneh
white water rafting
hugs and kisses
massage
kids
libraries
snowmen
fireplaces
learning something new
knowing the answer
teaching someone
making a difference
mad magazine
the internet
freedom
cooking well
a good think

what i believe

Be good, Do good, and Don't do evil

do good, but survive (unlike Jesus)
purity is ideal, but it is enough to simply just not be bad

Evil
S&M, uncle Sam
spite: petty ill-will or hatred, with the disposition to irritate, annoy, or thwart
malice: desire to see another suffer

DEmon
death, disease, disaster, destruction, decay, depression

pain agony suffering torment, you are PAST
misery and depression, you are MAD

psychia-tryst, the- rapist
schadenfreude

fascist america
there is no privacy, your thoughts are processed, your teeth click, your body pains, your head shocks, your fingers tap, you are not your own..
you are possessed, controlled, monitored, manipulated, restrained, limited, enslaved.

symptoms: headshocks, chest pains, voice, finger/teeth tapping
the mind control, the everyday chilling effect,
the inability to think/say/do

wanting to end it all (either literally, or just me)
consumed with annoyance
in my own tormented, soulless, evil, painful, place
hating, hating, hating
there are no souls

clouds
clouds of opaque whispers
either soitary, or in formation
forming forms for the formal
dissolving into nothingness
like us

rain
hovering in mysterious hold
lakes of suspended water float above
and, when sad, or bladder-full,
release
droplets drip from drooping leaf-stalks
splashing and splattering, below
collecting and flowing
always downhill
penetrating, searching, soaking, absorbing, puddling
rivulets become streams becoming creeks becoming rivers
washing all
becoming ocean, anonymous, in the Vast

to be Misunderstood
is to be great
said the misunderstanding
unless IS flows in both directions
as a rule of law
like gravity pulls
or pain hurts

life is fog, haze, unheard words
spilled syllables, splashing into unintended shapes
lyrics of subliminal confusion
heap intrusion during sleep,
in the daily nap of everyday life
if only I heard the words
if only I remembered the units of thought
of phrase, of speech, of life,
if only I became human, awake, alive-
z is for zombie
catch some

life, footprints in the sand
libaries full of footprints
attempts at immortality
before being washed away

Yummy Religion

Satan and Jesus, or Seitan and Cheeses?

I have to admit I didn't think of this - I got it from a Kalx deejay (Sex 14s), but it's clever, no?

What is seitan? link
We all know about the frommage (french for cheese).

from mage?

some weirdness:
I know a Brandi, a Hennessy
a French and a Fries
an Edom and a Brie

Here's a (kind of sort of maybeish) magical thought -
we all really are at the center of the universe.
because the Big U goes on forever, so why not locate yourself in the middle, right?

Religion is yummy.
I'm gonna read both Encyclopedias of Religion at the Berkeley central public library.

I had an English teacher in high school named Father John Murphy, S.J.:
Papa John and Papa Murphy's!

I know a Kat and a Duv, too. And a Nat.
And a Starr and Starfire.
And a Ellen, Helen, and Lenore...
It kind of makes me think my life has been scripted.

A selection of (internal) voices from a schizophrenic/telepath

The shit I hear ad nauseum

forget it. I'm not going to do it. I hate my voices. Intrusions.
FU, David.
I don't really want to do this.
They make me sick. Literally.

doctors always ask though.
I always describe them as being like koans, being interpretable in multiple ways-
So here's a sampling, so I don't have to repeat myself:

ow
ow, Jesse
I'm scared
David is crying
David sick of you
David swallow
David crying Jess
I'm sorry Jesse
I'm getting it Jess
I'm wall to you
David killing himself Jesse
David terminating insane
I can't deal
I can't
David is sick Jesse
David screaming
Allright Jesse
I hate myself all wall to you
I'm crying
I'm going to hell okay?
I'm terminate Jesse
David is dead
I hate you Jesse
I hate my sel
I'm creeping in sor
I've had enough
David is dead Jesse
David is crying at wahr
I'm sorry I'm a jinn to you
I need him
I'm sorry
I can't breathe
I can't breathe Jesse
with that, I have a problem
mmmm
David disturbed
I can't take my life Jesse
I'm freaking out
Alright Jesse I'm scare
I'm scared
David is insane
I'm going Jesse
I want him porcelain next to you
uh
I can't take... my name
David is going insane
Jesus
I'm sick Jesse
David is insane Jesse
you're the devil
It's going to be a long summer
David crying Jesse
David is sorry
David is sorry Jesse
You know what Jesse fine
I'm scared of you Jesse
that's all Jesse
It
It, Jesse

And I keep saying shut up, stfu, sun, suf, leave me alone, stop talking to me, f- you -expletive-, etc.

I'm dying
I'm dying Jess
David screaming in pain
She hates you
Alright, I'm freaking mad Jesse
David sad

f- you
I'm doom Jesse
I can't believe you
I'm a (k)night (k)no(w)
I want you to gym him ok
I can't take it
I fucking can't take it
I want him pizza

people are dead Jesse
the world is dead Jesse
he knows it's a game
alright jesse they have a big dumb
they freaking jewish you

y'know what, fine
I don't know you
I'm screaming insane, Jesse
I'm hating
I'm freak
I'm vomit
jesse believe me when I say you are a sky high
i'm insanely scar by your star
that's it
I am demon at your law
people are launching to 'like the pope'
I hate the zoo
I am going
I cannot handle mai lai everywhere
I am scar
we are tired of the scar at your star

there's a lot more he's said to me, that I have written down -and not-...
I have no idea why I hear this shit.
I keep saying Why? are you TALKing to me?? n-word. you f-ing a-hole, or you f-word

I also get headshocks and chestpains, related to these voices and how I respond to them.

schizophrenia is not fun. (although maybe it could be)
I want silence. I want the voices to stop. I keep saying Stop hurting me. Stop fucking hurting me.
It's David who is sick, not me.
If he would only shut up, I would be well.

David Andrew Eldridge, my voice, is an attorney -a deputy attorney general for the state of california-, a mathematician, a chess player, a self-described "natural psychologist", an African-American, a homosexual, a genius I think, and a really incredibly annoying presence in my mind that just won't go away. Now he's just somebody that I used to know (at Davis, in college), and who I never want to talk to again, ever. I think he established the telepathic link through having me listen to a long period of static on his car radio. He also broke a piece of wood when I was in his room, which was really weird.

update 12-18-12, recent voices (a partial selection)
I'm freaking out
I'm going to hell
David is pa(in) muted)
with that, I'm a suffer
ow
alright Jesse
I'm sick as hell, alright?
David is not music to you
David is cry
I can't breathe
I hate my soul
Alright, again I'm trying to kill him
I swore
David is disaster
David in sin
I'm scream
I hate war
David is dead Jesse
I'm going dime
I hate myself, Jesse
I can't believe I'm cree
I'm rec (wreck?) to you
David sad jesse
David screaming deadly jesse
David at war
David is distress
David is dead
I could kill you
I'm sorry Jess
David is crying

I am completely insane
you are the weirdest individual i have ever met
david screaming
i'm entire jesse
i've got issues
i've got issues with law jesse
i'm a complete dick
alright I'm at war jesse
i've had enough, jesse
alright jesse i'm tormented by war
you're totaly broken jess
you're right jess
u r a document, jesse
you're dad is crazy jess
you're definitely seriously a candidate for antichrist
maybe a good one
i'm tired of 2
i'm sick of you
because you derive everything
you're a genius about power too
that is election you
she's crazy jess
you have a phd
i am deeply weepy
i hate myself

About Me

Some experiences, qualities, and characteristics
You want a piece of me?

I have seen my own face in my dreams, looking back at me
I have seen the night sky, indoors and with my eyes closed
I have looked in a mirror and seen someone else
I have looked at a glass-covered picture, and seen the figure of death, dancing superimposed.
I have had corporate dreams, with Disney content,
and another with store shelves filled with brightly-colored packaging.
I have been callled a dark agent and a vampire
I was voted 'most kind'
I have been homeless
I have been to jail, and Atascadero State Hospital
I have qualified for Mensa
I won an alumni scholarship to Cal
I have been a clerk at Walgreens...
I have been a bagger at Falletti's Finer Foods in SF, and Albertson's
I have been a bellboy at Hyatt SFO (Burlingame)
I have made pizza at Woodstock's (in Davis)
I have worked the deli counter at the Davis co-op
I have made burgers at the Davis graduate
I have been a security guard at the 1.98 clearance center
I have been a counselor at Camp Royaneh, a boy scout summer camp in Cazadero, Ca
I am an Eagle scout.
I won a Boston College book award, and a Journalism award.
I was the editor-in-chief of my high school yearbook.
I have been diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder
I have been unemployed for almost a decade
I have lived in Berkeley, San Francisco, Sacramento, West Sacramento, Calistoga, Cobb, Roseville, Auburn, and Davis
I have been approached once in response to my thoughts, not my words
I wonder if I am a global telepath
I am a piece of work
I have converted many words to numbers
I have tripped many times...by NOT taking drugs
My natural brain chemistry results in telepathy, my link to 'the source' (?)
I have influenced the outcome of sporting events -as a spectator
I have feared the consequences of my thoughts in the universe
I have read all of the bible
I have claimed to be- if not been- God
I speak Spanish
I have travelled to China
I enjoy listening to foreign languages I don't understand, on the radio
I like all music
I have extended Freebird for minutes, in my head
I take medications nightly, olanzapine and risperidone (costing about 22 bucks/day)
I aspire to be a scholar-athlete and a renaissance man
I aspire to read a book a day
and do "daily maintenance", i.e. exercise daily
I am a member of the Y
I have experienced personal tragedy
I have been in lust and in love
I was an International Relations major in college,
with an emphasis in Third World Development studies.
I was raised Catholic,
but wrote a credo in college in which I became agnostic
I am adopted
I am pro-life
I enjoy a Buddhist meditation group
I am a flower-child ('71), and a member of generation X
My left ankle doesn't bend
My mind is often blank
I am a good listener
I am patient
The words ingest and excellent are personal
I am frugal
I enjoy life, and want to live forever!
I am heterosexual
I am a homo sapien
I like to know -people and things
I navigate the matrix
A psychiatrist said I am the kind of person who endures, who keeps on keeping on despite whatever obstacles life presents.
I can be hardcore in a rain storm
My dad says coiling hoses and replacing watch batteries remind him of me.
I aspire to read the New York Times daily,
and the Economist and the Christian Science Monitor, weekly
I ran hurdles in track in high school (with the student body president, and with a future Olympian athlete..)
Sarah Jessica Parker and Billy Idol's white wedding (hey little sister shotgun) are personal, too.
The Saab 9-3, and the Z71 indicate my birthday.
As Pink Floyd sang, there's someone in my head, but it's not me
which complicates Being John Malkovich
I am 'behind blue eyes' (referencing The Who)
I know (one of) the real Buffy
I dated a French and a Holland
I am a big brother
I have an uncle Tom
My mom is a Hennessy (like the cognac)
My dad drives a PT cruiser
My mom, PT, Peggy T, also evokes Egypt
Tennessee evokes Jesse
Jesse was a sitcom from '98-2000
Ellen, and Dave's world, were also parts of my world
The LT sticker (for Lake Tahoe) is also my dad's initials
Jesse, in spanish, is Chuy (pron. chewy), Isai (ees-ah-e), and Jesus (heyzeus)
My name means God makes forget, and something about the eucharist.
(see my blog post entitled 'oblation')
Teshara can be rearranged to 'the Sara'.
or 'as earth' or 'as heart' or 'as hater'
I am single

Food, Drink, Drugs -Stat!

some statistics regarding ingestion

from JesT
(but not in jest)

1) Food: 96 Billion pounds of food (roughly 40% of all food purchased) in America is thrown out, each year.

*worldwide, 1.5 Billion adults are overweight. By an extra 16.5 Million tons, collectively. A ton is 2000 lbs. 2000x 16,500,000=33B lbs. 33/1.5= by an average weight of 22 lbs/person.

*McDonald's is opening an all-vegetarian restaurant in India. Their McAloo Tikki burger costs 50 cents. I want to try one, too!

2)Drink: 2.5 Million people die every year in the world from misuse of alcohol. "It's the 3rd largest factor in the global burden of disease."

3) Drugs: 50 Thousand people (mexicans) are dead from the Mexican drugh war since 2006.

and an interesting calculation regarding Time:
A year contains 60seconds x 60minutes x24 hours x365days=31,536,000 seconds/year

x120 years: 3,784,320,000.
A (long) lifetime gives you only 3billion,784million,320thousand seconds.
Use them well! :-)

Number Bands

I can think of 7

It's my 41st birthday, today.
Which made me think of the band with 41 in it..
Which prompted me to think of:

Sum 41
7 Mary 3
Blink 182
Matchbox 20
U2
B52's
311

Happy labor day, too

Qatar (the country) began the exact day I was born, 9/3/71.
It's their Independence Day today.
(Of course, I actually began in December, I imagine)
My bro's birthday is Dec. 3. Which is kind of cool, in a way.

Labor day in 1971 was the 6th, so my birthmother wasn't actually in labor on labor day, that year. I was born on a Friday.

UN books

I'm on a UN-themed bender

I'm reading:
Calling the Shots, by Phyllis Bennis
Encyclopedia of the UN (4 volumes)
Surrender is Not an Option, by John Bolton
Great Debates at the UN, by Robert F. Gorman

and

Basic Documents in International Law, edited by Ian Brownlie
(I've discovered I kind of enjoy legalese (!))

I'm also reading a stack of csmonitors at Doe library.
It's my birthday, tomorrow. 41.