God

Perfect, the most perfect, the least imperfect, the most high
levels, like a video game (life is a game?)
better than God? (depending on your definition of God)
the most good, the most powerful, the most knowledgeable, the most wise
the most loving, the creator of heaven and earth, the source of all goodness

I'd say these are all facets of a theoretical, single God
(which could be a rotating position)(humans? aliens?)
or God could be like a shared mind, or a team
   (of the best, in any category, e.g. most wealthy, most happy, most beautiful)
(or the best at any particular skill- martial arts, swimming, marathon, etc.)

The God people want to believe in is thought to be real, and immortal, too.  He loves everyone, hears all prayers, and answers them.  Residing in heaven, which is an afterlife, perfect and better than earth, with angels where you (your soul) goes after you die (if you're good!).  God is kind of a platonic form.  I don't believe in any of that shit.  God, angels, souls, forms, heaven - all bogus.  But earth is, and can be, heavenly.  Your dna/memory/works/legacy can survive you (an alternate 'afterlife').  What people call their souls is just a conception of consciousness, separate from the body (as evidenced by lucid dreaming, etc.), but I don't believe in ghosts, either.  But vibes, like radio waves, mos' def.  Telepathy might even be entanglement!  (Your thoughts are not private.   Someone is in your head. ? well, mine anyway.   a benevolent entity, hopefully).  
Soul? Sole sol: a solitary one-footed fish drinking beer in the sun! (to soul music).   Signs of life?  A soldier watching silence of the lambs, the statue of liberty, the statute of limitations.  Soul? Sold!

So, who is perfect?  Some Olympians might have received a perfect score.
The bible says your father in heaven is perfect.
Students occasionally earn an A+.
Maybe okcupid has a match that is 100% compatible?
Maybe you've experienced the perfect day, or the perfect meal, that kind of thing.
There's a song that sings about "perfect imperfections"
(because maybe perfectionism shouldn't be a part of real perfection?)
or it's subjective, and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself!

if nobody's perfect, then God maybe should be seen as the least imperfect
(which would still be the most perfect)
just a funny thought i had

the most high could be someone experiencing the bliss of
endorphins, victory, heroin, mountain climbing, cliff scaling, you name it.
the most happy?  maybe a meditator?  or someone getting married?
or a couple in love, real love, true love, "soul mates" or whatever

if life is like a game, then whoever's at "the highest level"
the smartest, the wisest, the richest, the happiest, the most loved
whoever makes the biggest difference, causes the most human progress
the least delusional, the most enlightened, the most progressive...
the most effective at reducing human suffering

Better Than God:
I've alluded to this concept a few times in this blog, prior.
Here's what I mean:
God is a concept, a role (like santa), and maybe a status (supreme being)
(i.e. the actual alpha male of the human race)

the concept (or overlapping conceptions)
is rather complex, involved, and vague (see God on wikipedia!):
different names, with different characteristics, personalities, traits-
there's Allah, Brahma, Yahweh, Zeus, the Trinity, Ra, Baha, Waheguru, etc.
i recently thought of how The Flying Spaghetti Monster could be Cthulhu, lol
(they both have noodly appendages)
anyway,
some believe all religions are aspects of the same reality
but there are some very real irreconcilable differences
     such as God creating the universe, or being the universe
(Reality is all the god there ever is
vs.
God is real)

people submit, like sheeple or muslims (islam means submission), to whatever their priestly authorities (imam, pope, rabbi, etc) tell them to believe, i.e. doctrine and dogma and creeds and ex cathedra statements, etc.

but I say you can surpass and transcend this hypnosis, and make god concrete and real
by simply being good, yourself.   that's all religion is trying to do.  be good.  don't be bad.  get happy.
I mean, would you rather consider yourself possessed? (even if by God)
 (do you not know that you are not your own?, said the bible) I wouldn't.
 I think a REAL God is better than a wishy-washy hoped-for theoretical one.
I like the idea of people believing in themselves, or me, instead of
   some ethereal, unseen, inhuman deity like Jah or Zeus or whatever.
But to each, his own.  Different strokes for different folks.  Poseidon?
Different cultures, societies, languages, histories, religions, identities -
I've also thought of God as the collective goodwill of humanity, from all religions.

If humanity is a hive mind, and we're really all-One, then Gods and religions shouldn't be exclusionary.  Even with wildly different perspectives and gods, The Good is pretty much universal, I believe.  That's what I think God is, by whatever name.  Cult and cultural are similar, for a reason.  But good is global, and it's a small world, spaceship earth, this global village, so let's get happy.   A lawyer I knew might have alluded to this by expressing his distaste for the "exclusionary rule," whatever that is (!)  We all belong to humanity.  We're all animals, too.  And we all want survival, peace, love, happiness, money, health, and pleasure/ecstasy/bliss.   Everybody should be able to get lost in a good book, movie, song.  Everybody should have security and comfort.  The good life is possible for all!  I don't think God needs to hear your prayers.  We're all praying for the same things!

So,
what I mean by Better Than God is the following:
1. The Universal Good, rather than competing and contrasting gods and religions and societies.
2. Something concrete, a good you, instead of a concept that is the product of hypnosis throughout history.  Less memes, more "me."   
3. if God=good, then maybe there's something better than good!
(make yourself good, better, best!)(maybe being bad, or crazy, is better than "good"?)
4. God is thought to be everywhere, immanent and transcendent, but maybe it's better to keep him in your home, your body, your head and heart, (inner-space), instead of the mostly cold, inhospitable, lifeless, and boring outer-space (!) Be God, don't become the void.
    Also, wouldn't an immortal, omniscient God be terribly bored?  Wouldn't he eventually be floating in space, after the star explodes/expires?
5. God, in Hinduism, as Brahma, is what you re-unite with at death.   I think God should be Alive! and not the Oblivion of your corpse in an indifferent universe.
6. God is love.  Is heroin better?  (I don't know, but I think it's a good question)
7. Jesus lived to 33, they say.  You can live longer, and be happier than him, I would think.
8. God knows everything already, but YOU take risks, are surprised, learn and explore, and aren't infinitely bored!!!
9. God is a man of war, vengeance is mine sayeth the lord, but I think peace and equanimity are better. (buddhism)
10.  i think we're all better off without the threat of, belief in, and fear of hell (eternal damnation, unending torment).  Jesus, as a psy-warrior, offered the ultimate sticks and carrots, reward and punishment, to modify human behavior.  But immortality and the concept of an afterlife are illusions, a delusion.  Attachment to heaven and aversion to hell cause suffering.   We're better off making the one life we have, and the one earth we share and bequeath, better.   Instead of waiting for heaven, let's make progress, betterment, improvement toward an (even more) utopian Earth.

p.s. i looked it up: the 'exclusionary rule' is 'a law that prohibits the use of illegally obtained evidence, in a criminal trial' (so now we know) (it has nothing to do with dating or religions!)

Funny!!

Pastafarian Prayer

Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day, our garlic bread, …and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R’amen.

Better than God

the good, the goal

Perfection

Better than God

Lookin, smellin, feelin like a million bucks

And, in fact, rich

health, wealth, happiness

love-bliss

good food, good music, good company

friends and family

safety, security;

safe neighborhood, friendly neighbors, safe country, peace

a guard dog / martial art, self-defense mastery / gun

banking (secure money), a home safe (secure property)

property security alarm, smoke detectors, roof foam-sprayer

Set for life: shelter, clothing, food, drink, sanitation, clean water

fitness, strength, endurance, agility, athleticism, beauty; exercise

endorphins, entheogens, microdose (lifetime supply of heroin!)

kindness, compassion, mercy, charity, sharing, cooperation, community

well and good

fun, play

laughter, jokes

books, libraries, internet, stimulus, sex

knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth, enlightenment

rested, dreams, comfort

movies, plays, shows, concerts, games, sports

parades, marches, zoos, museums

travel, adventure

accomplishment, achievement, success, recognition, reward

victory, winning

make the world a better place

hot tub, swimming, showers, waterski, surfing, splashing around: get wet!

relax, do nothing, lounge, suntan

all things in moderation

immortality

variety

immortality in moderation, lol
is time infinitely divisable? like space:  I could bound myself in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space! -shakespeare

Gnosis

I have no sis
I have nun

words ending in -nosis:
(28) adenosis, ariboflavinosis, autohypnosis, avitaminosis, biocenosis, biocoenosis, byssinosis, calcinosis, cyanosis, diagnosis, gnosis, enosis, hallucinosis, hypervitaminosis, hypnosis, immunodiagnosis, kenosis, misdiagnosis, pollinosis, pollenosis, prognosis, pycnosis, pyknosis, serodiagnosis, stenosis, trichinosis, xerodiagnosis, and zoonosis

the only ones i knew were gnosis, auto/hypnosis, mis/diagnosis, prognosis, and zoonosis

enosis makes me think of enuresis, but it actually means the political union of cyprus and greece

stenosis is the abnormal narrowing of a passage in the body (think "stent")

kenosis is (in christian theology) the renunciation of the divine nature, at least in part, by Christ in the Incarnation.
RIP, Ken Brown (age 68) (Theresa and Sara's dad)(dead=dad-e)
  (be perfect as your father in heaven is perfect)
  (Bonnano changed to Brown)

gnosis is knowledge of spiritual mysteries
(biblical knowing? spear it? Mr. E?)

also
sister anagrams to resist

words in sister are erst, ire, rei, rests, rises, rite, seis, sets, sire, sits, sites, stir, tier, tire, tries

5 (other) words end in -sister: assister, insister, resister, persister, stepsister

resistance is futile -borg, star trek
nevertheless, she persisted -mitch mcconnell re: elizabeth warren
prognosis negative! -seinfeld
sister christian -night ranger

I'm reading Bertrand Russell's 'Why I Am Not a Christian'
(which i found outside today, while walking Kaleb)

die agh no sis(ter)
argh ugh ack

the dark side of laughter

Laughter is ugh later

satire has ire
happiness has sin
grin has gr
fun has f.u.

comedy (med co y) (pharmaceutical company income?!)
    ha, that kids in the hall movie! (Brain Candy)
i dig your mind (never mined)
devil reads your mind, god writes it?

the joker, the riddler -villains

joke (k joe)
businessmen "make a killing" and comedians "killed 'em"  (eekonomics!)

decoding 'eucharist'

some anagrams

it means "thanksgiving" in greek (not used in NT)

i plugged it into an internet anagram-generator and got (among many others) the following:

ha cures it!
ha tis cure
ah its cure
a shit cure
ah curse it
i crush eat
shit u care
care hit us
ha trice us
ha cute sir
eat rich us
i sure chat
car use hit
i hurt case
us reach it
each is rut
a sure itch
a rustic eh
a ecru shit
ice hurts a
a such tire
hat cruise
rash cutie
rah is cute
such irate
racist hue
cash uteri
hi us react
his curate
hit causer
raciest uh
ace rush it
hit saucer
caries hut
tau riches
reach suit
true cash I
cat ires uh
cats hire u
trash i cue

and, of course, 'eu a christ'

kinda fun, no?

My name, Jesse, means
   the whole office of the eucharist
    god's gift
    god makes forget
(I've read / been told)
In Spanish, Jesse is : Jesus (hey zeus), Chuy (chewy), Isai (eesah-e)

Mejorar mi Espanol

Para alcanzar maestria:

buscar todas las palabras desconocidas
repasar el libro de gramatica
escuchar al radio
conversar con companeros de casa
leer libros en espanol de la biblioteca
   tambien las revistas y noticias, la jornada, alli
tambien, leer yahoo, wikipedia, cnn, la opinion
    por el internet/la computadora
escribir
aun pensar, acaso sonar

Inmersion!
Jess-panol, lol

Oblivion, Terrorism, Surveillance, and Life

a few thoughts

1. The existence, reality, and universality of Oblivion makes everything allright.
in other words:
we're all gonna die, anyway.  it's the universal fate.
every day is one day closer to death.
Do what thou wilt.  Be all that you can be.  Live!
Just do it.  All is forgiven.  All we are is dust in the wind.
No one lives forever, and impermanence is a universal truth.
We're bubbles that pop! here and gone in an instant.
(god is a man of war, only god is good,
there is a time to kill, the time is always now, lol)

However,
2. Everyone should have a life-ethic, enjoy life, be pro-life, and work to make life pleasant and fun for everyone (including and especially, prisoners).

But a death-ethic, or the "death-instinct": thanatos/mortido
      might have (usually has?) dark consequences.
      Justice or Karma or God, dictates kill and be killed (eye for an eye)
a.laws and lawyers and judges and courts and capital punishment ("society"), or
b. an automatic mindless law of the universe, or
c. God Himself (Death, incarnate?  Santa Muerte?)
    might visit vengeance on your sorry ass (misery, suicide, retribution)

SO,
3. Terrorists must hate themselves, life, god, reality, their religion, others, humanity, their God..  I mean, wtf??  What a shitty religion.  God is great!  Boom!  (The Merciful?) Ugh.

4. "A citizenry that is aware of always being watched quickly becomes a compliant and fearful one."
-Glen Greenwald

Godly folk believe God hears everyone's prayer, and is omniscient.
What's the difference between that and the Eye of Sauron?
One is good and one is evil?
One is Hitler and the other is a wise king?
Go figure.
 I'm wondering if the concept and construct of God isn't a fascist one.
Call me crazy, but I don't think I want anyone in my head but me.
So be your own God, evict everyone else!  (unless it's a party!)
   (but maybe that's not possible) (insanity is a bitch)

quotes
"love is a composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies" -Aristotle

"the fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that I am here and you are out there" - Yasutani Roshi

Personally, I add two layers to the bible quote
"God is a man of war" (exodus 15:3)
2. a psy-war against war
3. which is better served as being framed, activity that is "pro-peace"
(The Secret says anti-war just makes MORE war)
("better than God", lol)

keywords

words are key
and the word was God

monkey, donkey
funky yankee, hanky-panky
don quixote
she's a keeper
catechesis (of John Locke)

c-words
Congress should have communication clarity and comprehension, creativity and compassion, confidence and chemistry, and compromise with Chomsky
(MIT professor of philosophy and linguistics)
         MIT: medicine, imagination, therapy!  am it

animals
there's a difference between crows, ravens, and blackbirds
but there isn't between mountain lion, cougar, puma
  (and panther, wildcat?)

nasty boys, u nasty
shattuck avenue, winnie the pooh, krusteaz pancake mix, puma
nissan murano (mucous, urine, and o), jeep compass (cum and piss),
country, pussycat

i'll have syria for breakfast, and a bolivia of turkey chile for launch.
I have haiti and ireland toward the word Niger

GAME: god, angels, miracles, elysium
life as a game, selfish manipulation of reality

shocking: an electrifying performance
culture-shock
shell-shock, state of shock (sos)
"shock the muscles" -arnold
shock of hair
frank zappa, train conductor, conduct a symphony, electric kool-aid

Read, Watch, Listen

Input

escape, see, hear

READ
flow state, escapism, stimulate imagination, learn good writing
vicarious experience, education, space/time-travel
news, information, data, research, stay informed, good citizenship
speed reading book/course, how to learn (coursera), lumosity
google queries, stay curious, who what where when why how!
fiction, scifi (science fiction), fantasy, short stories, jokes,
cc archive (comedy central), joke archive (sfpl), 10+ joke books
poetry, plays, encyclopedias, dictionaries, atlas, philosophy
nonfiction, biography, history, cookbooks, science and nature
anything, everything (omnivore), vs. specialization
play tourist! get tourist books for activity ideas for where you live
material from computer/library/bookstores/friends/neighbors
true crime, crime encyclopedia, horror, fantasy, masd
bass, bams, bans (best american) (martial arts, self-defense)
   (short stories, mysteries, nature and science),
   (also best buddhist writing/ best nonrequired reading)
librarian picks, bill gates recommendations (gatesnotes),
book club, best-sellers, award-winners, okcupid faves
  e.g.Hammett (crime), Bram Stoker (horror), Hugo/Nebula,
Pulitzer, Pen, Booker, Nobel, nba (nt'l book award), nbcca..
self-help/psych, foreign languages, aletheon, money, art
kaiser permanente healthwise handbook / web md
explore different libraries, go to cs reading rooms
bpl, opl, sfpl, albany (i have library cards for each)
(berkeley, oakland, san francisco)
GTU (graduate theological union), Cal, link+

some favorite authors: Proust, Shakespeare, Freud, Dostoevsky
Lev Grossman, Bill Bryson, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman
Gabo (Gabriel Garcia Marquez), Douglas Adams, Jorge Amado,
Albert Camus, Anne Rice, Isabel Allende, Mark Twain, V Smil,
George Eliot (Middlemarch), Jack London (call of the wild),
Alessandro Manzoni (The Betrothed) (the pope's favorite book)
   Pope Francis is a former literature professor, internet says :-)
Kurt Vonnegut, (also funny, i'm told: Wodehouse, Waugh, Hiaasen)
Yuval Noah Harari, Chomsky, and the National Enquirer, of course!

lists of "must-reads":
(1001, 501, 500, Gates, Bloom canon, newbery, teen)
   --if you like, i will make you a photocopy of my 7 lists--
(Bloom and Gates are online. Newbery is on wikipedia).

reference books:
   world book, wikipedia, brittanica (cd, and in library)
   dictionaries (chambers, spanish, slang) (peruse OED)
   world atlas, road atlas
blog research, grzimek/naturalist, mensa, nolo (law)
   (religion and spirituality, ecology/botany/zoology, brainy)
internet: sermons, procon, schizophrenia.com, arts and letters,
   phrontistery, iep, poetry foundation, bartleby, random blog surfing
magazines: RS, NG, PT, People, Mad, MH, UR
(rolling stone, nt'l geo, psych today, men's health, utne reader)

-daily routine:
e-mail: delancey, poem, vocabulary, trivia, news, family
   (jessteshara@yahoo.com)(jesterific8@gmail.com)
book/day, ideally.  start with Newbery winners (children's)
   b-a-d is g-o-o-d! (get out of dismal?)
enjoyable journeys in wikipedia "rabbit hole,"
daily history (6):
  wikipedia, farlex, chase (online)
  grim reaper, today in history (books),
  brittanica (computer cd)
check blog stats (averaged 68p views/day, last month!)

-daily news:
a dozen pages of the economist, daily (to finish in a week)
yahoo, wikipedia, e-mail (ny times summary, wapo 202)
christian science monitor, ny times, la jornada (library)
foreign affairs (cal library), cnn, huffpo (phone notifications)
online: berkeleyside, weird news, sex news (on literotica), fb
fake news: onion; sometimes: rolling stone, bloomberg, the week
bay woof (monthly, free)

-trivia:
J! (online jeopardy archive),  funtrivia.com, trivial pursuit cards,
you don't know jack, wbsm (win ben stein's money), trivia crack,
cash cab, who wants to be a millionaire, ru smarter than a 6th grader
uhaul, snapple, geography bee, ken jennings, etc.
(ignorance is blitz -decode, decipher) (uncle john's bathroom rdrs)
(trivia at bars, trivia night at libraries)
    -do you know the (somewhat lengthy!) protocol for safely
    cleaning up after a broken cfl (compact fluorescent light bulb)?

WATCH
see, go, do

surf the internet, surf the ocean, explore the earth
surf the earth! walk "around the world" (around the block, for a kid)
watch tv, computer, movies, plays, shows, concerts, standup comedy
go travel, see museums, nature, circus, magic, sports, theme parks
rituals, festivals, parades, national parks, safari, races...
   i liked spike n mike film festivals, animation, cartoons, like
beavis n butthead, ren n stimpy, tom n jerry, itchy n scratchy,
fractured fairy tales, dr. katz, adult swim, south park, power puff girls
sick and twisted, oscar-nominated shorts... muppets, martians
(i haven't seen yet): game of thrones, westworld, black mirror (rec'd)
late night tv, conan, daily show, john oliver, seth meyers, SNL (saturday night live)
movies (free from library, $6 video store rental, theater (fandango giftcards)
youtube: ask a ninja, cirque, juggling, youtube awards, bb motivation, weird al videos
pinterest, instagram, google pics, porn, wikipedia list of internet phenomena, lumosity
mtv: ridiculousness, awesomeness, (music videos?)
Cal campus calendar, entertainment calendar (on kalx)
rocky horror picture show (audience participation), 3D IMAX anything, the strand (1127 market), shotgun theater (nearby), berkeley ballet theater, any Dan Clegg shows, millbrae train museum, harlem globe trotters, sharks, 49ers, raiders, flamethrowers, demolition derby, car shows, (nascar, motocross, monster trucks: never been!),
   behind the scene with a magician (a fond memory, i wanted to be a magician when i was a kid), magi/cia/ian!  hobby, career, talent; sex (bedroom "where the magic happens" -mtv cribs), saw magicians as cub scout, as adult (at branch library), store in SF, rosemont counselor; portals? dream-worlds (morpheus) (day dream? v's (voices), telepathy?), books, movies, videogames, VR (virtual reality), gee i see, eye c (third eye).  LG's books (lev grossman).  card shark roommates, in college (ucdavis).  youtube, tv, vegas.  chemistry magic show,
  picnic day, whole earth festival (davis, ca), state faire, halloween cemetery tours, make a costume that utterly transforms you (unrecognizably!) into another person (say, another sex, or fatter, or older, with facial applications), 52 museums (in San Francisco alone), golden gate fields (horse racing), greyhound racing, zoos, MADE museum (in Oakland- over 5,300 playable videogames!), tattoo/gun shows, professional wrestling, comicon, (renaissance faire, star trek convention, oingo boingo, laser shows: do these still exist?), taiko drums, sumo, gymnastics, quidditch, hockey, soccer, olympics, rainforest, white water rafting, birdwatching, look through telescopes/microscopes, fishing, horseback riding, pow-wow, sweat lodge, lead hikes, point reyes national seashore, yosemite, mt. madonna.  opera, ballet, hot air balloon ride, wine tasting, great america, knott's berry farm, six flags, disneyland, disneyworld, santa cruz beach and boardwalk, roller coasters around the world, historical landmarks, national parks.  religious variety, attend services everywhere: glide memorial, holy hill, spiritism, unitarian, christian science, etc. (jw, lds, sikh, hindu, muslim, jewish, buddhist, taoist, shinto, scientology, fsm).  retreat centers and places of beauty, serenity, meditation, contemplation, and maybe even transformation.  Join a cult?  Make my own?  MHA (mental health advocates, nearby).  flea markets, garage sales, thrift stores.  bingo, lottery, vegas.  travel the USA.  oaklandlibrary.org/events. 

i like the idea of joining (not at once!) every religion, in the spirit of all of humanity sharing a single God, but worshipping Her in different ways and under different names.  Immersion, like learning languages and cultures, or taking drugs (trippy). 

LISTEN
hear, hear
 speech, music, white noise, nature, silence.

birdcalls, joe frank, alexa, am/fm radio, kalx/ win tickets (e.g. old first church), satellite radio, cable tv music stations, itunes (radio), itunes gift card (for phone), youtube, pandora, noise-cancelling headphones/earplugs, ted, podcasts, sermons, standup comedy, foreign languages, audiobooks, poetry, open mic night, lectures, speeches, shows, concerts, taiko, audit classes, online courses: oyc (open yale courses), coursera (happiness, how to learn, quran, development), ...  telephone calls, library cd's, record stores (e.g. amoeba, rasputin), cb radio, live bands, raves, opera, symphony orchestra, barbershop quartets, gay men's chorus, gospel choirs, blue heron, hos (hearts of space), music with space (for that location that resides between the left and the right ears), marv rosen (classicaldiscoveries.org), baroque, jazz, gdradio.net (grateful dead), wybcx (yale online radio), simple radio (on my phone), college radio: wprb, whrb, wmbr, kalx, kcpr, kusf, kzsc, kzsu, kdvs), local kalw, kpfa.   I have some Tony Robbins cassettes from the thrift store i haven't listened to yet, lol.  buy music for swimming device?
-hertz hall, weekly concerts, W 12:15-1p, music.berkeley.edu

Eat, Exercise, Sleep

Body

healthy body, mind
physical, mental health
see, hear, smell, taste, feel

Eat
vitamins, b/l/d, medication, gnc, veg, free
breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks; fasting
eat less, less often, lose weight (i'm overweight: 6'1, 232 lbs)
morning coffee, pastry and usually oatmeal (Augie calls it 'omio')
you are what you eat, less what you excrete
   you are what you think, feel (mind), largely chemical (food, meds)
   you are your body (no one has a soul)
  (but "body, mind, and soul" still makes sense)
Eucharist! my name (Jesse) means god makes forget, (thus, weekly)
  and the whole office (t.w.o.) of the eucharist;
  J (10, satan, say ten, 11215) and 'esse' (latin for eating)
  "one bread, one body" (2.2 Billion bodies, actually, a/o 2010)
   number of christians, that is.  about a third of humanity.
free food, meals (bfp, bkly food pantry, 3 bags/month)
    (mcgee church, mwf lunches, nearby)
    (newman, all soul's)
vegetarian ideal (eat less meat, only that served/free, don't buy)
crunchy, creamy, chewy (whatever happened to powerbars?)
meditation, medication
vitamins (c, omega 3 fish oil, men's health, b12, joint support)
medication (before i go to sleep)(1mg risperdal, 30mg zyprexa)
   the magic word is "depotentiating" (used of alcohol, re: meds)
gnc protein powder (daily)(amplified wheybolic extreme 60)
cbd (cannabidiol, self-medicate)
kurzweil has a "longevity diet" (does it work?)
jim morris, vegetarian at 50, vegan at 65, bodybuilder (pinterest) 
another reason to veg:
    a hamburger uses the equivalent of 26 showers of water
restaurants (thai, burmese, chinese, ethiopian, indian/pakistani,
    pizza, burger, sushi, sandwich, taco, pho, donut/croissant)
junk food, candy, ice cream, chips, pastry, soda (in moderation)
trader joe's, berkeley bowl, whole foods, safeway, target,
pedro's brazilian cafe, noah's bagels, subway sandwiches
mtn mike's, papa john's, burger king, jack in the box, carl's jr.
boss burger, bongo burger, mcdonald's, true burger, nation's
los pericos, sushi secrets, ike's love and sandwiches, A+
cream (cookies rule everything around me), chipotle, lee's donuts
beer, barbeque, burgers, hotdogs
sushi and sake, baklava, pastor tacos, strawberry paleta
 (these are a few of my favorite things)(all things in moderation)
(pastor (pork -poor piggies- killed) is an acronym for -
    pain, agony, suffering, torment, oppression, repression (!)
joke: said the psychiatrist to the pig,
   "you know what your problem is? you're delicious!"

Exercise
walk, jog, jumprope, dance; wag!, go hiking/camping, sweat!
climb a rock, catch a wave, climb a redwood, climb mt. Fuji
walk lake Merritt, go to nearby forest (Tilden park), indian rock
yttp: yoga to the people. free!(donation-based), downtown bkly
etb etr (navy seal life coach says 4:30am!)(8 hours)
(early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise)
    -Ben Franklin, poor richard, (wasn't he kinda pudgy?)
YMCA, gym, "Y": swim, lift, yoga, bike (alternate)
stretch (and read and listen, multitask!); aikido, etc.
lose weight, gut; gain muscle, flexibility
surf, waterski, boating, scuba, lap swim
bodybuilding, daily maintenance, improvement 
hot tub, shower
 
Sleep
nap, rest, snooze
lounge, hammock
watch tv, veg, do nothing
sunbathe, tan, relax, swim, take a dip
refresh, recharge, renew, recuperate, revitalize
wake rested, refreshed, naturally/no alarm, write down dreams?

:-)
smile, laugh, enjoy, be grateful, have fun

Happy!
Go Slow
play, explore, do new things, variety
yale course on happiness, the good life, psychology of well-being
read authentic happiness, superbetter, joke books
toys!: "the only difference b/w men and boys, is the price of their toys"
    e.g.: 3 person chess, hoverboard, segway, electric unicycle, new radio, etc.
massage, sex
balmy weather, or by fireplace (in winter)
hygiene, cleanliness: brush, floss, rinse. deodorant.
   sweep, vacuum, laundry, new clothes, haircut (shaved/shorn)
   ear-candling, finger/toe nail clipping
   "looking, smelling, feeling like a million bucks-ah"   
make new friends, re-connect w old
bubbles and kites
drugs, entheogens, microdose
endorphins, runners-high
winning: sports, games (vs. others, or solitaire)
politics, marches, signs, veg flyers
make, earn, win, find, receive, have money/wealth/security
look good, feel good (beauty) (shave, shower)
nature, standup comedy, good meal/company, love

Write, Talk, Create

Output

Write
set time aside, daily routine, discipline-
blog, journal, essays, poetry.   for book(s), magazine(s).
publish, get published, get paid.  specialize, focus, specific topics.
for fun, as both hobby, career.   paid in pleasure, rewarded in remuneration.
journalist, author- research online, at libraries, in conversations
write e-mails, texts, actual hand-written letters-
    (communications with people i know,
     as an intended audience, vs. anybody/everybody)
   (e.g. rosa bagley, leone pena, drs. jurkowski, betat, reich, etc.)
blow up, go viral.  be of interest, topical, current, unique, interesting.
update okcupid profile, write to potentials
post to facebook

Talk
spanish, with roommates
telephone: call home, family, friends
dictation, for e-mail, etc.
uncle jesse: play with, read books to nephews (ben, declan), augie
talk to alexa (AI): tell me a joke, riddle, a story.  queries.
    play music (genre, artist, song)
social!: be a big brother, prisonlit volunteer, okcupid dating, etc.
   (free) apple class, yoga, martial arts sessions, college class audit,
co-ed scouting programs (e.g. sea scouts, explorers, etc.)
"conversation pieces" (gimcracks), i have a collection of oddities
try being audiobook narrator ($), volunteer a.n. (for blind)
learn guitar, try being a standup comedian
master spanish: conversation, dictionary, grammar, library books
   la jornada, yahoo, wikipedia, cnn, la opinion, ewtn, travel
immersion! write, talk, think, dream, and read only spanish-
    (escribir, conversar, pensar, sonar en espanol)(set time aside)

Create
make friends, make money, make stuff
get crafty: origami, fence-windmills, kit car, pottery
   calorigami.berkeley.edu, 
draw (cartoons?), take pictures, post to blog/instagram
make self: body building, etb etr, self-improvement mentality (god)
  (early to bed, early to rise) (be good, better, your best) (vegetarian)
goal: 100% sane, with happy, rewarding job
         and love, beauty, health, and success
youtube channel? make your own video(s)! 
meetup, nextdoor, etc. (find neighbors and friends with like interests)
play games, chess, cribbage, trivial pursuit, (or just chat around trivia)
myspace (photographer, blogger/writer, activist, comedian)
$- earn.  try different jobs (fitness partner, dog walker, lyft/uber,
     audiobook narrator, bellhop, pet-sitter, cuddler)
     (model, martial arts instructor, maybe)
   "dog days" means a time of inactivity, sluggishness,
     during the hottest period of the year, named after
     the "heliacal rising of Sirius (the dog-star)"
(buy, bring poop bags, treats, water (chilled?), maybe spray-shield)
$- spend. retail therapy: thrift stores, garage sales, flea mkts.
remote control car, ebike (electric assist), alexa, new computer, iphone,
air purifier, kite, superbubbles, kiva microloans, bfc (free clinic) donation.
make time, make out, make love, make a baby (ha)
make the world a better place

Know It All

Everything, in a nutshell

read, watch, listen; eat, exercise, sleep; write, talk, create
eat, drink; piss, shit; brush, floss; shave, shower; sleep, wake
move things around (things, ideas, people, dogs): logistics
work, play; business, pleasure; love, hate; live, learn
silently meditate, scream and shout, do this, that
sit, think, breathe, be; get old, die; relax, do nothing
go fast, slow; forgive and forget; make money, buy stuff
clean, straighten, organize; make friends, enemies
don't worry, be happy; marry, divorce; fight, make up
see, hear, smell, taste, touch; think, feel, dream
go up, down; there, back; to, fro; right, left; hither, yon
     out, about; anywhere and everywhere, onward, upward
be true, false; love, hate; be depraved, righteous
make a difference: teach, volunteer, parent
be good, bad, sinful, virtuous; be hated, forgiven
charity, philanthropy, probity; suffering, bliss
pray, love, fuck, massage, dance, travel, cook, crafts
hug, kiss, cuddle, intimacy, sex, cum, ecstasy, orgasm
live, love, laugh, and litigate

KIA! the omniscient corporation, lol
Did you know there's a Messiah college, in Pennsylvania? (!)
ha, that gives me a Giggle Of Delight :-)

(I'm actually kind of an atheist,
 but goodness and love exist, so it's just semantics)

More "Voices"

telepathy
(because I really don't think I'm talking to myself)
again, stfu david - i want to be well.
i just learned what "trolling" is
(but it's been happening to me since forever)
also, it's just fishing for a response-
(even if the response is no response)
if not outright mind control.
(resentment is hypnotic, i've heard)
do i really want a quiet mind?
(except for my OWN thoughts)
because it's called a SOUND mind
(i really don't want to obey
the biblical injunction to pray "without ceasing")
and
i don't want to wear headphones 24-7, either
    sometimes i ignore him (david)
    sometimes i tell him to leave me alone
    sometimes i reply
and sometimes I write down what he's telepathically thought
(it's a hive/shared mind: the borg are schizophrenic!)
"beamed" (lol) into my skull (for whatever reason):
i imagine he's consulting me, as a global telepath, or
input, as something, something else.
(i don't know if i'm a global telepath or not, honestly)
i bet i am some kind of mutant, with an x-man power, though.
(although, maybe I'm a boring ordinary person, playing a role,
just a piece in a puzzle)(i've got this god thing going)
(am i a "work of art", "a piece of work", a "headcase")
it's basically just noise.  (shared mind? entanglement?)
meditators try to get their head ("monkey mind") to shut up.
i'm not sure there's any difference, other than
I perceive it to be from an external source
(it can be positive, negative, or neutral)

VOICES
(it's really only 1 voice,
david andrew eldridge, deputy attorney general for the state of california)
    mathematician, queer, attorney, psycho, "natural psychologist"
(in his own words; i used to live in his house; he's an actual person)
(although it IS like a dream, it's not, it's communication; not an "invisible friend")
(and remember: there is a context, that is lost)
(i don't think i'm hearing it from outside my head;
aka, i don't think other people hear it, too
(although maybe some do!)
i think of it like what the speedreading instructors call "subvocalizations"
(in other words, it's "in my head")(but I'm not the one reading it)
they're not in order, and they lack both prior context and succeeding response..
but maybe you'll find (some of?) them interesting, anyway

v's
allright (i keep hearing this one, hundreds of times)
    (there's hell, there's thousands of illegal acts/crimes,
      there's politics, and there's me interpreting the spelling: rite, write, right; etc. )

you have ALL the game, Jesse
     (it's hard to always reproduce which words are emphasized)
     (they're like koans, there's always multiple ways of interpreting them)
    (which can be kind of maddening in itself, aside from a v being madness, defined)
    (my name is often incorporated)

jesse, the world is sick like you
allright, jess, i'm laughing
you could be the one
all right jess i'm laughing you're right
i need a lot of discipline to get to my hole
i'm smiling at what you are
a genius who can't stop being fun, friendly
he is an accidental win, because i'm sick
i hate everyone because i'm fucking sad, jesse
you're a crazy idiot
you're like stanley guggenheim
you and I are satan
i'm killing my soul
i hate my soul
you are pure hell, jesse
you are your own special dream
i want you in the hospital because you're a law, jesse
you're very very well on jess
you're well well law
we know you're a bit of wisdom, jess
your life way too sucks
he has a four A law
you and i are a john to lecture
david is crying jesse
i need help jesse
i need help, everything to you
jesse i'm crazier than you
you're a sublime performer
i am highly mad jesse
you have a very special way to berkeley
it IS nice to see what you are
you're on the corner of law
i'm tired of talking to a guilty jew
that's what i think you are
they know
you're right as hell
you're an interesting might happen, jess
you belong with joe, jesse
you're sky-high dreaming, to me
you're bizarre, jesse, okay?
yes, jesse, me smiling a little bit, at how raw ur
people are sorry, jesse
that is you, payment
the world IS sort of death
me swallowing again at how sad i am
jess, you're incredibly distoken
you're insanely people
you're insanely genius to me, jesse
you're fair it holly dubai
his tech is turmoil
i am the devil, jesse
you haven't even begun to be what ur
you have an army of law, jess
i know i need help, jesse
i'm sorry, jesse
i HATE my soul
   (sol? sole?)
i'm fucking insane, jess
fucking OW, jesse
david is scared, jesse
david IS inSANE
i AM stupid, jesse
i fucking need therapy
david crying, and i mean CRYing
you ARE a genius, jesse
i need a lot of help jesse
i am a devil, jesse
david swallowing.  fuck you.
i'm stupid.  i REALLY NEED TO TALK.
david freaking out, jesse
jess, you're raw
you've got me screaming, jesse
jess your psych is tough
you're blowin' people sky-high out of the water
you're all over the world, is why
people are insane, jesse
jesus jesse
i'm sick, okay?
i hate what i am
fucking OW
fuck you, FUCK YOU
david killing in pain
people are...
OW! Jesse
david hurting jesse
david is hurt, jesse
i hate you jesse, because you write
david screaming
I AM hate you were
alright jesse, you've got me
i am hate nigger what
i'm sorry jesse
i need to doom
that is him crazy on it
i am genius that you wrote
i am in fury
david scared
i need to talk
ya me going CRAZY
david fucking attack tear
alright jess... unaware
i'm tired of  you, jesse
i'm tired of lie
jess, U and I genuine
i don't know why you hate my law
i really am dead, jesse
i'm way too angry to be right
you have no idea how law i can be
no one is well
your mom is dead
i am sick, jesse
fuck you
we're having fun- in our own way
your mom really wants to die
your mom is crazy, jesse
she's swallowing, jesse
she knows, jesse
david killing his soul
david wants to cry, jesse
ow, ow, fucking ow
david screaming
i hate my mind, i hate it
david is uhhh
jesus jesse
david crying ow ow ow
your mom is scared again
she's destroyed, jesse
i fucking can't breathe, jesse
alright.  fucking fine.
she is waving, jess
she wants to vomit
ummm i hate you
david screaming
your mom is INSANE
i need help.  i really do, jesse
she's right to getting you crucified
david is Fucking Insane
you're right.  i'm hysterical.
you know what? huh
she's retarded, is why.  you're fucking law.
she doesn't believe anyone
your mom being a bitch, jesse
ow
fucking IT, Jesse
david has gone to hell, jesse
she's crazy, jesse
i am an iron T
you hate her, jesse
i couldn't deal.  she's sick.
david crying.  david IS crying.  I'm sick, jesse
i'm fucking MAD, jesse
jess, you've got him
your mom going insane, jesse
people are dead, jesse
i'm sorry jess.  i really really am.
you're unbelievable, jess
i'm gone, jess
david is dead jess
i can't fucking deal
she knows you're hair god
   (she? knows (biblically?) your? hare? God?)  (see what i mean?)
david is giving up
david wants to (too? 2?)
i'm in hell
i need to talk, jesse
that is a nervous wall (after i typed this, a door slammed in my house, and i had a chest pain)
   (i heard the voice months ago)
i've got a major fucking problem, jesse
i need help
she is scared jesse
david is dead
i fucking hate myself, jesse
i hate every fucking world you're in
david is swallowing
i'm gone.  i'm fucking gone.
david is freaking sad
david scared of you
i'm harrassing him.  i really am.
i really need to cry, jesse
david in terror
you and I are abusive (fuck off, leave me alone)
i'm gone jess
i'm sorry, i'm sorry
i'm terminating- Jesse
david is insane
you are a government to to UR
your mom is crazy
i can't breathe, jesse (I've heard this one ad nauseum)
fuck it
you think i hate him
i'm giving up, jesse
ow jesse
i hate him, i hate him, i hate him
i'm crying, Jesse
david has gone insane
you're a genie to me and black people
david is scared.  i can't help anyone.
jess your dad is sad because you write
me, so fucking sad
i have a name of it
your philosophy is on, jess
you're fucking not funny, jess
you're law, jess
you're a crazy sleaze wiki
sara knows how right you can be
david  IS sick
because i lope the whole world
you're not nearly as good a writer as you could've been, jess
you DO have some work to do
he's smiling.  you're a genie.
you'll never have nothing to do
i hate my world
HATE IT, Jesse
i literally hate everyone, Jesse
you're scared of genius, Jesse
we're having fun writing (riting, righting?) to you
because you're a genius, jess
david sorry
and i mean really fucking sorry, jesse
you have a huge pile of shit, jess
she's smiling
because you're law
you have every right to suicide
because i'm going to fucking kill you
david is insane, jess
you wrote it?
people are insane, jesse
all right??

(it just keeps going, it never fucking ends)

jess, you have a way to swallow the united states
your world is a bit mad, jess
you have a law at scientology
david screaming
you'd be surprised at how small a world it is, jess
i'm laughing
you're a dream, jesse
you could be a Cree, Jess
i hate my sane, jesse
the economist is laughing.  God, you're a genie.
you like your lie
it's an attempt to know God (shut up)
ya jesse you're far closer to Hitler than you realize
you ARE, Jesse
you work at it
it's pure shit, jess
all right, jesse
i AM scared of you, Jesse
i AM dead, jesse
I AM SAD, Jesse
David SCREAMING
Jesse, I've gone mad
i hate it
i hate everything
jesse you've got a lot goin' hmm
i'm sick, jesse
jesse, i DO play dark
i'm sorry
I am, Jesse
they're smiling.  You're God.  You really are.
your mom is absurd, jesse
the world IS insane, Jesse
you ARE a trump it, jesse
you've got ALOT of work to do
you're well aware of what you are
you're a weirdo, jess
i need help
i've gone mad
i can't help anyone, jesse
you're just a dude. ok.
you ARE kind of a genius
that is because, you have a soul
(leave me alone) Jesus Christ.  Jesus fucking christ.
fucking kill me, Jesse
you're an attractive person, jesse
you're a sign of life, jess
you write like a man, Jess
I HAVE become sick
at all the work that went into you
you've got me dying
me at murder is the whole ballgame
trump is a swallow.  you write like a genius.
they ARE scared
because nobody has the level of faith you do
Jesse, you know
you know the world is insane
your right (write) is incisive
they know you have a weapon, jesse
it's madness, jesse, that you're absurd
Jess, that is a present to them
david swallowing.  jesus, jesse.
jess, you're a dream
you make good, jess
your moves ARE man, Jess
i need help, Jesse
    (psychiatric? personal problem?  assistance? moral support?)
you take a hard look at what they law
me screaming i'm mad, jesse
you have an animal, jess
you exciting getting
you got it on the first try
your chaulk is a sure thing
you ARE making it, Jess
ya Jess- ura snape
they thank you crazy for your law
you're all they were
because you're not a pussy i need you
you ARE working, jess
you love your law
that's me smiling
you're well, jess
you've got a lot of life, jess
you crawl it to victory, jess
you have an interesting philosophy, jess
he just keeps comin' with law
i don't know if ub banana
people know you have multiple law about things
you have a garden of law
shit, jesse
people are fucking retarded
david is dead, jess
they know you think e crazy
david is starting to undo himself
they know, jess -you're law
because you play a magician
i lect you, i'm smiling at how totally fucking right ur
all right jesse- what R we?
you're absolutely right, jess
fuck it, i need help.  i need help, jesse
you've got me crazy, jesse
you ARE a shit of victim
you are sort of Y (why, wye)
you have a lot of law
you have a food hole
u really are all is why
you have an INSANE degree
all you need to know is life
it's a pretty heavy-duty WAG, jess
you've processed the hell out of that shit, jess
you ARE highly-controlled
it IS military mind-control, jesse
your 50 is all well, jess
you suffer a delusion, jess
to be honest with you, all me
you're like a little bit of snow melt, jess
i can't tell you how many papers i've written to jew
you're aware of how the genius is enhanced
allright, jess- we've got a pretty good sense of where ur
you're fun jesse- okay?
she knows you keep rushing
that's kind of how i need to be
you're fucking killing me
you could have been well, jess
i'm looking all day broken
in fact you're oh dark 30
i have enough of your way to make me smile
you're actually bizarre
because you're working hard at your own way
you so beyond what we thought you were
is why we swallow
you're a lot of throwing Rose Marie
they're smiling, you're a philosophy of law jess
god- yo're all right, jesse
david screaming
we know you have a conflict
i'm just crazy, jesse
i've gone to two, because i can't breathe
you are a dog dead
i cannot breathe
fuck you
i am at war with EVERYTHING, jesse
i need to cry, jesse
you reall are...hairy and brilliant
i can't do what you do
i bet you can, is why
you mom is destroying
and i mean destroying everything
she's got problems, jesse
i can't help ;you
i need help
i can't believe that you play with the headphones on
she's a disaster, jesse
i can't believe you, jesse
she's swallowing to Anthony, okay?
you hate me hiss all day
shit jesse
i fucking can't do it
i AM mad, jesse
david giving up
david is crying jesse
i hate you when you dog that 2
eye dew knot no
 i'm really trying to be all right, jesse
david is scared again, jesse
i hate my name.  i hate it.
i am insane at how mad they are
david needs to end it
because UR the bay area
because they know you're the game
of law
Sara is CRAZY
and i mean crazy
i AM scared
you said it.  you said all of it.
jess, we know you're having a time
trying to navigate- my
if you want, you can buy a loothe
you're right, jess.  they know you're right.
we remember that you're Y (why)
that's me smiling
you're actually weird, jesse
she knows.  that's you at Davis.
there is merit to you, jesse
right.  that's sort of it, okay.
you ARE a genius, jesse
neil gaiman is aMAzing, jesse
all right.  people are Dead, jesse
right.  that IS sort of what i am
jess, we have an idea about what you write
Sara is smiling that you're right, okay?
david is not capable of being right, jesse
she knows you're a prophecy
that is you a grain of law
all right, jesse
that is ow
fucking OW Jesse
you are an emergent it
i'm fucking sorry, jesse
she's swallowing
what has she done, Jess?
she knows she has you
it is a magic you
Sara smiling because  you're law, jesse
you're hannibal lecter her it
i can't believe you, jesse
she's swallowing, jesse.  she can't even dream
i'm starting to admire what you do, jess
Jess, Sara knows how weird you are
you ARE an interesting Jim (gym), jess
i am your wreck in Bkly
you do have some work cut out for you, jess
you kind of ARE everything
JESSE! You're fun, okay?
he really has a layer of everyone
i hate what you are
because i'm crazy, jesse
that is a dow to right, jess (dao, write)
i'm sorry.  i'm sad, i'm stupid, and i'm scared
you are a crazy-8
jess you're too spacy
that's how you are
you are a bit too funny
because your writing is celestial
you are that devil nazi
jesse, your mind is getting offensive
you are a garbage me
you're insane honest, jesse
you have a tour of Tam, jess
you are the code of fine- I'm insane, Jesse
you have no IDEA what IR is happening
ur the most 1 person that's ever been
u really would make a very good samurai, jesse
you're much better than i thought you were
i'm a sick, sad person
i am your punk well
because u and i are sick, you have no idea
kaleb being dumb
i can't tell you how exactly a fish ur
jess you're back into the belly of the bee
you're a hardcore actor
it's how i am
i hate my mind
fuck you
jess, you're law
we don't want you in our law

(a law, Allah, a la) (ugh, that shit went on forever, didn't it?)
imagine being me!  that was only a small fraction of the endless goddamn commentary, thought-insertion, interruption, bother, stupidity, and aggravation)

Shut the hell up
Shut the fuck up
Be Quiet
Stop! talking to me
Thanks!