Thankyou Very Much

Thanksgiving

Turkey day. Thank you, turkey!

Gratitude. Gr attitude. Angry. Mad. Crazy. Grateful!

Grateful dead. We give you “thanks and praise”

G-D. Greg, Declan. Good, GED, Gadzooks!

Tap your fingers, tap your toes, tap your teeth

reality bites. Bitcoin.

Anyway,

dia de dar gracias.

You can't spell gracias w/o CIA

thanks, CIA!

Thank God, the source of all goodness

the central intelligent agent

Thank Godiva, a source of good chocolate

Thank Godzilla, a monster that makes great movies

Thank Gadolinium, an element used for shielding

Thank Tom Hanks, aka T. Hanks :-)

Thank S, whoever that might be, thanks!

Thank you, for reading this!

Hi Mom!

Relating to Others

Buddhism says to love every individual as if they were your own mother

A bumper sticker says Co-exist

Somewhere between those, is where I relate to people, writ large

co-exist seems to me to be setting the bar a little low

whereas everybody being one's mom is...

impossible and ridiculous (!)

I like some people (much) more than others

sometimes I don't like anyone (including mom)

and I have a birthmother as well as my (adoptive) mother, so

I can relate, perhaps, a little more easily...

I could be crazy and

recognize all sentient beings as my mother

http://online.sfsu.edu/rone/Buddhism/motherkindness.html

step one:

hostility to equanimity and respect

H tear!

Just like i'd be crazy to think I'm Jesus,

I'd have to be crazy to think I'm Buddha, too.

But I am crazy. Or schizophrenic, at least.

And I've gotten this far with my blog,

so the next step...well, why not!

Because I don't want to be crazy, is why.

My voice said I have no mind, today.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone :-)

Thanks for being my mom!!

Great Onion Divinity

fake news about a real god

The Onion's Definition of God:

All-knowing, all-seeing, all powerful Deity, Almighty, Creator and Eternal Master of Existence,

Omniscient Supreme Being, God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, Creator of All Things,

Lord Our God, Divine Creator and Ruler of the Universe, Divine Lord and Heavenly Father,

The Lord Incarnate, God our Lord and Father, Holy Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth

(the indescribable universal energy that connects all living things)

(Jesus Christ, Light of the World and Lamb of God)

(the unveiled Epiphany of God)
(Moloch, a false god)

____

a little fun of my own:

osb, che cat, log low, dc, dl car, golf (!!)

esme (eternal and supreme master of existence!)

me, moe: master of existence, maker of earth.

blog: being lord our god, blessed lamb of god

boss: being omniscient, supreme, seeing

(it's a word game, after all)

You're Set!

Today's bit

Up early (5 a.m.), 42 degrees (fahrenheit), Berkeley (South, near Oakland), on this November Saturday, officially a month away from Winter's start (December 21^st, the solstice) still, but arrived nonetheless, according to the oracle of my bones. The gym is open, but I won't take the 20 minute bicycle ride to the YMCA downtown 'til it warms up a bit. I can exercise in my room, anyway. I have dumb bells and space for push-ups, planks, bicycle crunches, and yoga stretches. I have a book of 2100 yoga positions (“asanas”). I use the dumb bells for arnold presses, tricep extensions, and bent rows. I also do the isometric “shake-weight” thing, but without the weight, plus dancing (with myself). My room is like a gym, in that respect, and also due to the fact that one entire wall is covered in mirror-tiles. So it's a good thing I'm not a vampire, or there would be a lot of shattered glass! (metaphor for hating your body, your image, yourself, or 1/2/all of the above) And having the mirror is a good thing as well, presuming I make steady and noticeable progress in my efforts to lose my gut, gain muscle, and look like the true Olympian deity that I truly am, inside. My name (Jesse) in spanish is Jesus (which is pronounced hey Zeus :-) I want my appearance to make me happy. The endorphins of a good workout are a natural high, too. Schwarzenegger said that pumping iron is “better than sex.” So exercise is a good place to start, in addressing my mental illness. My meds are a mixed blessing, however: The antipsychotic I'm on, olanzapine (also called zyprexa) is notorious for it's weight-gain side effect. My gut is distended and gross, and I don't even drink beer (much). But zyprexa does succeed in alleviating the mental noise and aggravation of pain, voices, head-shocks (aka “brain zaps”), teeth-tapping, and other symptoms of my particular strain of what they're calling schizophrenia. Sometimes I wonder if I have a freakish infliction that isn't part of any medical books, or if I even have schizophrenia at all. Maybe everyone hears voices. My birth mom (Annette Riddle) has schizophrenia, which maybe I shouldn't have told the clinician. Then again, maybe everybody is insane. I think I read somewhere that anyone COULD be schizophrenic. I must have pissed off a telepath. I also wonder if it's possible to self-medicate, using meds/drugs other than the risperdal and olanzapine I've been prescribed. Or even if I can or should ever stop taking meds, and emerge sane on the other side of the med-less trip through the hell that is having a direct telepathic link with David (Andrew Eldridge). He's a mutant that can talk into anyone's head, possibly. A 'global telepath' to use his own words. He and I make our own collective unconscious, to reference Jung. Either that, or I'm a serious piece of work, lol.  We can set each other free, from the inane chatter that irritates us both, if not the entire goddamn planet. I mean, what's the difference between a voice sent to a schizophrenic and a prayer sent to “God”? The solution is to exercise and fuck and eat so that I make my body as happy as it would be if I had a lifetime supply of heroin! My body is a chemical factory, and I can synthesize my own bliss, without the expense, criminality, and harrowing consequences of being a druggie. Music and books and movies are stimulus enough. Throw in good conversation and laughter with friends, and you're set; one happy camper. You have to make your own heaven. And if you're going through hell, keep going. There's a lot of goodwill in the world -those who want to help- and there will always be someone to listen, give advice, and provide for basic need. 'God' is just the simplification for this collective reservoir of good will (in all of humanity), that can help and hear your prayers, even if “He” doesn't strictly exist, at least not in the form thought of by most (right? lol). I suspect the peak of human potential is pretty amazingly Godly, especially now, enhanced by technology.  Community and a sense of belonging is helpful, and can make all the difference. Your creator was your parents (and evolution). God is like a Santa for adults. There are real results for believing, even if it's only virtual. It's a mad world. Reasons people believe include a deference to authority, people want to live forever, there is a need in all of us to make peace with the 'other' in their minds and bodies, believe in cosmic justice, as well as have recourse to an all-powerful friend, on their side, who can make the uncertain less terrifying. So let's all be Gods to one another; that is to say, sources of goodness, creators of a better world, incarnations of Love, and victors over the temptation to commit evil, vice, crime, and sin. That is what I believe. Let's all be sane and healthy.

Un Poco Crazy

A little loco

I thought I was civilized, but really I'm just an animal. Humans are beasts. Nobody has a soul, and no one ever did! Am I a lion? A chimp? A dolphin? A dog? A shark? A fish? A sole! A star: A sol. Asshole.

I'm not an asshole. I'm not a brain, either. I'm an entire body. Not a dick, not left behind, I won't be right back; I'm not armed and dangerous; I'm not footing the bill, fingering a suspect, elbowing anyone aside, thumbing my nose at anyone; I have the balls to tell you this. No one knows what it's like to be the sad man, behind blue eyes (middle finger). We are the knights who say “knee”! The soles of my feet will not be defeated! I have a Theory Of Everything. I speak in tongue. Maybe you hate my guts. I will end up in a coughin'. I'm telling the tooth. The bare-neck'd tooth. I've got thick skin, and a warm heart, and I nose whatst I gotsta do. Don't get cheeky with me, I can't stomach it, I said with a little aqueous humor, in my funny bone. You down, blood? Gimme some skin. You've got a lot of nerve. All right, let's show some spine! A little fire in the belly. Don't go belly-up. Cock your pisstols! Up an at 'em, bright and ear-ly. Hi-ho, it's off to work eye go. Aye, eye captain! Heel! Said the chris-chin :-)

I've got language (word!), and culture (yogurt in my fridge!), and a cum-pewter (what?!?), so I'm not your run of the mill insect, doing buggery and creeping around, bugging people. Christianity may be insects (in sects), but I'm not. I'm not in sex, either. I'm not in or out, with my penetrating intellect. I'm a human being, a homo sapiens, not a home-owner, or buy- bye- by bible-salesman. Anyway, I weigh 224 lbs (today). All we are is dust in the wind. And we're mostly empty space, practically ghosts, in the flesh. Well, I hope that's not too deep. Live in the moment. Mm, mints, mom!

Are we all just bugs? Tormented by each other or the devil, rolling around in our polluting/dangerous cars, spending money on ourselves at the expense of the basic need of fellow humanity, stockpiling guns and ammunition in preparation for doom, while wasting our lives in front of television sets and commercials for things we don't want, buying meat that hurts, hurts, hurts... Are we a divided society that calls itself United, that allows mothers to kill their own babies, permits our governments to keep peace by aiming nuclear weapons at each other, keeps piling billions upon billions of dollars of profit to such as the Waltons -while basic rights to healthcare and education are out of reach to many, in a world that still erects borders for obsolete distinctions such as nation, religion, and language, and which medicates the insanely sane? We're in an extinction event, and we still think we're the stewards of nature, it's highest expression, as we pave over paradise? Can we be the Gods that we think we are? Can we be good to each other, ourselves, our planet, our fellow animals?

Sure we can. Of course. Why not! Well, I feel good about walking dogs, and writing my blog. I've got friends, and love is not an impossibility. May the forest be with you!

God Psychology

Genius or Dumb?
Glee or Depression?
God or Devil?

My current perspective on theology is that it's a subset of psychology.
God is the devil, too.
Because God is rewards, and Devil is punishments -
and anybody can deal out both!
(and maybe the same psychic person controls society)

Heaven and Hell are metaphors for happiness and misery, in this life.
Religion is a form of social control.

God, Devil (plus, minus, positive, negative)
God is good, happiness, love, heaven
(and persuasion/hypnosis that it will last forever)
   (i.e. reward, carrot, incentive, pleasure and comfort)

vs.

Devil is evil, misery, hate, hell
(and a scare tactic, eternal hellfire)
(i.e. punishment, stick, disincentive, pain and suffering)

The Santa/Satan thing:
(he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake!)

God or Demon
Good or Diabolical/devilish/demonic
Gratitude or Death

However,
the same behavior can be rewarded or punished.
carrots aren't as tasty as steaks.

Generosity or Depravity

Omni-vore

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF

I just read the chapter on The Ethics of Eating Animals, pp. 304-333, in Michael Pollan's 'The Omnivore's Dilemma.' I have read flyers from Mercy for Animals, and have been persuaded to try and be vegetarian/ LESS carnivorous, without much success.

I love pastor tacos, medium rare steaks, lamb, and chicken salads, for example. I have been treating myself to 2 pastor tacos every Tuesday for quite a while, from Los Pericos mexican restaurant in San Leandro, and always look forward to it. My favorite meal as a kid was skirt steak, coated in flour, and wonderfully greasy. Nuggets and quarter pounders from McDonald's have always been satisfying.

But I'm trying to be good, God! in fact, and therefore want to set an example, and live morally. This makes life interesting, for me. First of all, I don't believe in souls or heaven or human supremacy, made in the image of God. Everyone is destined to die, and we'll probably all be extinct in the (long-long) long-term. Behavioral standards are basically rendered moot, from this perspective, in my opinion. Nothing matters. Everybody is God, and anybody is allowed to do anything. It's all good. There is no sin. That's why anything can be forgiven. A centipede is also made in the image of God.

(some) Animals are delicious. Most of them wouldn't be alive in the first place, if we didn't breed them for consumption. Humans are just another type of animal. We're basically no different than flies, krill, cockroaches, you name it. I kill pests in my room all the time, and there is a spiritual dimension to it. I kill ants, spiders, beetles, flies. I killed snails, bees, and a butterfly when I was a kid. I accidentally killed a pet cockatiel bird. I know that I am a killer. I've loved meat all my life, and am aware of all the murderous implications. I love violence in movies, find it cathartic. I have accepted my identity, as a murderer, a sinner, evil, even -at times- a demon. I am intimately familiar with the banality and ubiquity of evil. My name has satan in it. A (former) friend of mine called me a vampire. I have struggled with insanity, and wondered if I have ever, in fact, NOT been possessed. I take medications for schizophrenia. I hear voices. I also experience reality as a construct, my thoughts and behavior seemingly always being monitored, by God-only-knows who or what. Maybe David. I do not want to be a hypocrite, or try to be morally holier-than-thou. But I do still think my philosophical aptitude and critical-thinking ability exceeds the ability/value of most, and in any case I like to write, so I will share my thoughts. At least I think they're my thoughts. I am a vessel, like everyone else, and experience consciousness as my own, despite the interpenetration of mind I have become familiar with and inured to. Everybody is schizo, because prayer is telepathy is a voice, and dreams and thoughts are shared in our hive/corporate minds, no?

Here is a law I think holds for all:

If it is okay for me to kill others, then it is okay for others to kill me. That is the karma and reality of such an attitude, perspective, stance. And because I want to live, I must forego any superiority or right or desire to be Death, and -I have just concluded- must also Cease and Desist from Eating Meat. Hitler was a vegetarian. So is Charles Manson. So there is no great moral status that comes from this, necessarily. The Jains are said to sweep the ground, so as not to kill insects. People bug me at times just as much as cockroaches, if not more. But the imperative still stands. I don't want to be eaten. I have always been pro-life (I was adopted), and I am now of the persuasion that this must extend to animals, because that is all we humans are, and I do not think we should eat each other, eat our children, kill each other, fight each other, fight wars, or abort, or allow the state to kill criminals, or euthanize disabled, or kill our children if they are homosexual, or marry outside their caste, or any other reason. I am a pacifist. War should not be possible. Nor nuclear detonations, or thermobaric bombs, or even homicides, by fist or gun or bomb or bat or blade. Dogs and cats deserve no more or less status than people, or pigeons. People should not starve while dogs eat, just as whales should not starve to save the krill. Nature is a bloody mess, and humans are just tubes, like worms, from mouth to anus, that happen to be bipedal apes with big brains, voiceboxes, opposable thumbs, and a culture that is truly magical. We must tolerate and try to celebrate one another. We must forgive with the same ardor that we seek for being forgiven. We must take the long, hard road out of hell. Paradise is a bit further. Let's help each other get there. The worms will eventually eat us all, of course. So let's make earth a better place while we're alive, and not defer heaven to some hoped-for but entirely ridiculous “afterlife.” That is my philosophy.

Everyone has killed bugs, so no one is any better than me. I may be God, but nobody is any worse than me, either. I am not a cannibal, but I do occasionally eat Jesus, if not drink his blood. Oblivion is the universal justice. Virtue is virtual (like immortality).   I was a killer.  But I don't want to say I am, any longer.  Animal-cruelty is a sin, and I want to put it behind me, and be Good.   I think you should, too. 

God is a killer.  I AM.  We all are.  Meat is delicious.  I said there is no sin...  Well, whatever. 

Still, we should do the right thing, even if karma isn't real.

Good Morning, America!

this morning's thought

Good morning. Buenos dias. Up at 4:30a. My cell phone has an alarm of jungle birds. I also sometimes set my kitchen timer and my digital alarm clock (1,2,3!). I slept to past 11a yesterday. Well I'm up today. We “fell back” yesterday. It's Monday, November 6, 2017. I'm listening to wprb on my headphones, from the computer. Don't know what I'd do without this thing. I don't get tv. Actually, I'd probably just read. I've been hit with what “I am Ninja” on youtube calls a “curiosity-spell.” I really do have curiosity about everything. So I'll never be bored. I even like sitting, breathing, doing nothing, unless you want to call it meditation. So it's all good.

Except dying. That's gonna suck. I want to live. I want to read the entire internet, the entire library: listen to all the music, watch all the tv/movies/youtube videos... you get the picture. That's why curiosity-spells are devastating. Who invented cheese? How do you say 'pink' in Nahuatl? Does time exist? And so on. As The Cowboy Junkies sang, “will you ever finally reach a point of knowing?” No. I'll never be omniscient. Even if I read all of Britannica, I still won't even be close. To know, biblically, is to have sex with. So to know everything would put the bi in bible. And I don't even have sex with myself. I don't know myself. Maybe I do already know everything! (in some sense).

I have google, and wikipedia, and they know (almost) everything! So I have a kind of access to omniscience, which is probably better than the real thing, I imagine. But I could be wrong. Being God might be awesome. Only God is good, the bible says. So not being God is bad. I better build a way to live forever, so I can keep reading! I've got a ways to go, you could say. My imagination and perception aren't very high-powered... Life is but a dream. Row, roe, rho your boat.

questions

Can a supercomputer model my thought and behavior? if it has my gene sequence/dna? Could I survive as a ghost in the machine? Is the world a giant computer? The universe? Did Jesus know everything? I don't think so!! Am I already in the matrix? Is immortality possible? Desirable? Is existence always better than non-existence? Can suffering be eliminated? What is love. Does anybody know anybody, anyway? Why did the chicken cross the road?

CIPA is no pain. But it would only be desirable if you were indestructible. Maybe God is a diamond. Or lonsdaleite... Ha! I am a rock. I am an island. But I wouldn't know it, because brains are mushy! Blockhead! CIPA or H? (congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis, or heroin)? 3^rd rock from the sun, aka earth. Teshara= as earth :-). Bones! (Leonard McCoy). Teshara= A Star eh?, too. Brains are the instrument with which we feel pain, but -strangely enough- doesn't feel pain, itself.

Suffering is different from pain. Suff plus T. The cross was painful. STUFF. Stuff e ring? Would that be a diamond? Lord of the rings. King of pain. KOP was written by Sting post-separation from his wife. Diamond Life, Sade. Suffer I Ng makes me think of serial-kiler Charles Ng, actually (currently on death row at San Quentin). Pa In= pain. God= get out, dad. Did the LOTR use lotrimin? Amen to that. Keepin it real. Stuff, putting the tear in material. Something to chew on. Putting the chew in spiritual! Spear it with your fork. Fork you! Good mourning.

flight of fancy

Well, well, well said the doctor to the three little pigs. What have we here? Pork, ham, and bacon!

They felt a little sick.

Sick Sick Sick! Cried the mother of the pigs. Her address was 666 Beasty Boulevard. You shall not have my children for lunch! How 'bout breakfast and dinner, the doc retorted, that would be B.A.D.!!

You are what you eat! you know. You are a Pig, and a Beast, and a Meathead! You are as vacuous as a cow! As dirty and gluttonous as swine! You're dead meat!

-Piss off! You ain't shit!

I'll see you in Hell.  When pigs fly! A cold day in hell. Pig-angels, maybe reincarnated as pigeons! Pig-gin is a spirit that'll take you up, and then drop you back down! Hard liquor for a hard landing.

Up, up, and away. Up, up, and quit your books (the reading list at Reed college). Music soothes the savage beast. This peace is a little number I wrote for my baby. Babies, actually. My number one son, and my better half. 3 of us, a trinity. 3 on the tree, like a monkey. Hey hey we're the monkees. We don't put anybody down. Like dogs, or those who are as dumb as bricks, or passengers on the airplane.

Actually, in that last case, I would like to be put down. It's hard to breathe in space. I don't mean to insult Space, but Spacey is a rapist, and it's boring out there, not a lot to do, which isn't a put-down, just a simple statement of fact. So set the old bird down gently, por favor.

And so on and so forth.

So, Four, Esme Tupelo Clegg, etc. etc.

A little fun

Hi. My name is Phuk Yuo. That is my real name. My parents didn't know better. I am Vietnamese. My parents don't speak English. It is pronounced fook yu, but everybody calls me Fuck, here in America. What's in a name? You! Your parents were creative, in two ways: physically, and linguistically. I have nothing more to say. May the force be with you, Phuk! Well, I guess I said something.

Hi. My name is Nat. As Nat, I am in fact Satan. Or Santa, if you want to be clever. We both bring gifts. Satan brings on the pain, and Santa brings toys. The devil knows his psychology, and employs both positive and negative reinforcement, carrots and sticks, incentives and disincentives, rewards and punishments, happiness and misery. Choose wisely, my friend. You can call me...

Hi. I'm Lucille. In Winter, I wear fur. So it's a Lucy fur. Ha! Did you know ermine farms execute their animals anally, with electric prods? That's some shit! You don't want Lucifer all up in your ass. You can rest well knowing that warm people with warm personalities might actually end up in the warmest place of all! Which makes me wonder: if Absolute Zero is the lowest temperature, is there a theoretical maximum temperature, as well? Because Hell, Norway, is actually a kind of nice place (If you don't want to burn in hell, bring sunscreen!). They say the center of the sun is a pretty hot place. But the universe is a large place, and extremes could be extremely extreme way out there, somewhere.

Hi. I'm Stan Cross. I'm a friend of Pat Devlin. I know Devan Cross, too. Cassidy Starfire and Kat Starr and Sonya Solinsky are the three women I want to set up on blind dates with the three of us. A kind of holy trinity, you might say, of couples with weird names. I'll let your imagination run wild with the symbolic possibility. Honestly, though, we might get along swimmingly.

Joy dish soap, harmony snacks, cheer laundry detergent: Do these things make you Happy, I asked one of Cinderella's dwarves, in storyland. Who is the heroine of that story? I hear she's blissful, on her horse. H is for hospital, and it's also the shape of the high school I went to, which isn't all that elevated from sea-level, to be honest. Father Horsefall used to teach there. Luvs diapers and Perfection spray starch complete the picture! Have a nice trip, see you next fall!

Window panes and propane in Hell, Norway? Why not. It's all good, they say. Maybe Josie Fries lives there.

All the names are real! (I may have miss-spelled Horsfall)

God's Prayer

God is happiness hypnosis

yoga and reading and writing and working and keeping a budget and lifting weights and swimming and being frugal and eating less meat/sugar/alcohol and 8 hours sleep and having a routine and being organized and getting your shit together and having friends and sex and exercise and stretching and dating and being curious and getting answers from the library and google and wikipedia and early to bed early to rise and being prepared such as self-defense videos on youtube or training at a dojo as well as stand-up comedy and being optimistic and cheerful and taking the occasional vacation and meditation and medication and being engaged with life and doing nothing, just breathing, make for a good, worthy, valuable, pleasant life of meaning and order and happiness. Live and love and laugh and be loved and make loving-kindness your religion and be good and don't be bad and be god and be part of something bigger than yourself and be healthy, well, sane, strong, fit and alive! Make a difference and make the world a better place and make your mind and body a fun place to be and be a man for others and serve and protect and be a hero and do a good turn daily and vanquish evil and fight the bad guys and never lose hope and love life and seize the day and always look on the bright side of life and be yourself and do daily maintenance, if not improvement, and seek progress, betterment, change, growth, development and be a force for good and aim high and be all you can be and an army of one and the change in the world that you seek and an example and friend and mentor and role model. Be motivated and dedicated and disciplined and humble and virtuous and righteous and moral and ethical and wise and understanding and sincere and honest and open and true and trustworthy and intelligent and helpful and courteous and kind and brave and clean and easy to be around and appreciated and appreciative and fun and funny and whatever you want to be, you only live once, and then you die and after that it's oblivion, kaput, no more so don't be deluded and the moment is now and it's always now and your body is your soul so don't defile your temple and you are what you eat (less what you excrete), plus what you read and do and believe and think and say so be good, better, your best and love all and serve all, and reality and life is just moving things and ideas around -logistics, basically- so get moving and get calm still quiet peaceful tranquil serene so you can get moving again to leave the world a better place than you found it and full of cheer and with all basic needs met and everyone healthy, in a world that is exciting, pleasurable, content, comfortable, safe, secure, with entertainments and leisure, and enlightened, with equanimity and discernment and mindfulness, and a utopian lack of threat with, in its place, a civilized harmonious integrated human society on a shared planet with respect and communication and peace and hope and charity and compassion and empathy and mutual support and loving-kindness and bliss. Amen.

A Small Reverie

on words and writing and wreality

BOOK

boo, kill.

Body odor, okay?

B “ook” (you have to have read Terry Pratchett to get this one)

WRITING

were it

legal writ

president Dubya riting (performing a ritual): skull and bones?

AUTHOR

ought whore

Au (gold), Thor (god)

What's in a name? My name is Jesse Lawrence Teshara.

-You can make x anagrams (internet's anagram generator)

-words in words/ deconstruction: Jesus, Law, Share (for example)

also, see (holy/sight), wren (bird), hara (japanese for belly, e.g. hara-kiri)

-initials: JLT (jail time, jolt, jilt)

J is the tenth letter, 10 makes me think of a. listen (list ten), b. satan (say ten)

also, wwjd (what would jesus do)

LT is a sticker on cars, referring to Lake Tahoe

ta, ho! (see you later, alligator) (in a while, crocodile) (dead prostitute)

SO

satan lake cross, jail, audio, and sharing the law of jesus

rise from the depths of meaning and deconstruction:

Jess sums to 8, in the numerology that translates words into numbers

10, 5, 19, 19 = 1, 5, 1, 1 =8 (grok?)

see S.J. (pope, society of jesus)

So that's another proof of my being God!

This shit is real. My cross is my belly. (bellyfat gut, from meds/beer)

the Sara, and TE Sarah: jesus christ, sarah. And my ex, too (Sara).

Lore-ints (historical intelligence), I read history every morning.

Jolt cola is history (!); surname: as heart, hater, earth (sur =south)

49

Jesse Teshara, Al Gore

I met a Four (metaphor). No, really. Four Nguyen is his actual name.

Antichrist sums to 4. The book of numbers is the 4^th book of the bible.

Go Niners. (I grew up in SF)

49er video, in Davis. Highway 49, in Auburn.

Lucky 13 (4+9)

for nein (german for 'no')

for tea? Nein!

God: love, good, reality, happiness psychology, a word, meme, role. The bible says only god is good (and I think I'm good), a man of war (the art of war is deception), omni (-potent, -scient, -present, -benevolent), the source of all goodness, “do you not know that you are not your own?” POSSESSED!!

Doing God's will, in the sense of ceding control (of your "inner throne"), can be scary, if you think of Abraham being willing to sacrifice his own son, and a Godly person being therefore even more willing to kill strangers, with what I call religion's "conscience-override" function.   Thou shalt not kill, but "there is a time to kill" for a man of war, who takes orders from Above.  Yikes!