He wanted to be a superman.
Superman. Superhuman. And not just a super human. He wanted to be the best. The best he could be, superior, excellent, wonderful, perfect. Be all you can be, like the army says. To reach his potential, to use every brain cell, to be at 100%. He wanted to be the best. In every category: the beauty of Arnold, the wealth of Bill, the trivia mastery of Ken, the goodness of Mother Teresa, the combat prowess of Morihei Ueshiba, the genius of Christopher Langan...with the longest lifespan, the most children, the most books written/the most books, read, and the highest level of sustained happiness possible. And power. He wanted God-like power. Not necessarily as President, or even as a Mayor- just the capacity to create the world in his own image, behind-the-scenes, if need be.
But wait! There's more!
Perfection also entails spiritual mastery: The equanimity and bliss of the Buddha, honestly obtained through meditation, reflection, thought, study, discernment; not from a lifetime supply of heroin, for example. A large part of this would be the crushing of madness, and a lifetime of sanity. Loving, loved, in love. To think/say/do/be good/better/best. To be happy, cheerful, joyful, humorous, kind, gentle, grateful, satisfied, content, strong, fit, healthy, well, sane, appreciated, respected, admired, in service, productive, loved, emulated, sought after.
He wanted to unify together all the pieces of the perfection puzzle, to create Himself into an ideal:
Knowledge (educated, informed), wisdom, money, power, beauty, lethality/invulnerability, goodness, perfection, joy, love, longevity, courage, creative-genius: the many facets of an exemplary life, a life well-lived, honest and honorable, virtuous and valued and victorious (over the forces of darkness: ignorance, incuriosity, stupidity, and evil).
This was his goal. A simple goal. He was a simple man.
(Self-realization. To be Himself. To simply be.)
He realized Sanity might not be in the cards (not playing with a full deck?) (you deal with the cards you're dealt) Or, a little madness in the mix could be a necessary component of true sanity. People are cards, characters, forms, roles. But also are unique, with distinctive identities, and true essences, colors, selves, behind the masks/facades/presentation. It's a mad mad world. And you can also choose to have no fixed identity, to be all things, in potential and possibility, playing any required role, when "the world's a stage," with the freedom to be all things to all people, anything to anyone. Is the world predictable, like a computer program/matrix? Or an infinite canvas of interesting individuality? The world may be mad, but hopefully we can keep it from being a threat to itself or others! And, stated positively, we can keep/make the world peaceful, prosperous, and happy/content, filled with truth, beauty, health, love, and respect. Both individually, and as universally as possible: Love thy neighbor, love thyself, love all, serve all, Be Good. A thousand points of light, as they say. Basic needs and comfort for all. Health care as a universal human right. Craving and aversion, positive and negative attachment, eliminated. Know thyself, extinguish resentment, and remember that is better to do nothing at all than to do harm: there can be virtue even in inaction. Don't give evil purchase. Extinguish greed/desire, hatred/malice, ignorance/delusion; Be mindful, and kind. Don't be a dick. Every day is a new beginning. May the force be with you. Be a man for others. Do a good turn daily. Be prepared. Namaste :-)
(Namaste is a sanskrit/hindi respectful greeting: the god in me bows to the god in you.) Maybe sanity has saint in it for a reason. Remember, only God is good, and we're all good; So you ARE God. Well, I am, anyway. I am ______(fill in the blank). Yup, whatever it is, it's God! Unless you put in "not." Although, I suppose that works, too. God is a man of war, and the art of war is deception. So you can say anything about God, He doesn't mind. For example, God is a fiction, fantasy, imaginary. I'm still here! ha. God is a dick? Well, I guess so, actually. And any other body part you care to mention, or Richard, or a shithead/butthead/head-butt, or bastard, born out of wedlock, like me. God is a brain. God is an asshole. God is a fist. God is a pussy. God is a body. God is a corporation. Reality is God. God is everywhere. Evil. Hell. Disrespect. Depression. Stupidity. Death. Madness. Demons and darkness. Scum. Bullies. Depraved criminals. Torture. Lies. Oblivion. Apocalypse. Absurdity. Spite. Resentment. All this blog's incessant babbling. Your comments. It's all good. Even the shit. Cruelty to be kind. Baby ruthless. Praise God. Holy wombat, batman. Nee! As McDonald's says, "I'm lovin' it." Love conquers all, the sadistic fuck.
Why am I saying evil is good? Exploring the logical extension and implications of statements like it's all good and God is everywhere, for starters. Because evil is everywhere, ubiquitous, banal, delicious, and even fun. Because I'm insane. Because one man's evil hell is another's sacred paradise. Because maybe it brings succor to the oppressed, hope in the goodness of the bigger picture, the long arc of history and justice. Because God is great! and vengeance is sweet. Because life is shit, God doesn't exist, and I felt like spewing some philosophical graffiti. Because I hate you. Because I hate myself. Because it's all my fault. Because I'm delusional. Because I'm trying to make sense of the world. Because I am a sinner, and because I am also God Himself, just like you. Because I'm full of shit. Because I like to think, to write, and be right, and find truth, maybe by making some mistakes in the self-apotheotic learning curve. For the hell of it. Because hell is good? Because justice, and vengeance, and love. That sounds about right. Love gets twisted.
12 hours ago