I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
Ladies- I'm a single, straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 45) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 1000 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

the latest

I am both angry and serene

because my ex-"wife" is:
-taking practically all my money to pay bills, including
her debt, a new computer, a smart phone, and cigarrettes (while unemployed),
-loudly f-ing her new boyfriend in the next room
-getting in my face to see what's wrong, as if she doesn't know
-and finally, I'm mad at myself for being stupid enough to spend over 6 years of my life with this woman who:
1)only had sex with me like 5 times total, since we exchanged rings
(rings I might add that have proven to be worthless for resale,
 which I suppose perfectly sums up why her jewelry business went bankrupt)
2)cheated on me with at least 3 people, (Shaw, Paul, and some BDSM guy)
 and possibly more, while I stayed true
(truth, of course, is a whole other story)
while having the gall of her breaking up with me for not showing "emotional support"
whatever that is-
I asked her repeatedly what she meant and she never once told me.

argh.  gr.

I'm also serene (some of the time, but hopefully progressively more as time goes on)
-because I'm happy it's over, as well (good riddance)
-I've resumed buddhist meditation,
which helps extinguish suffering through mindfulness meditation (peaceful abiding)
(they say, and I hope)
focusing on posture, breath, and just noting thoughts as they come and go,
still and quiet,
emphasizing compassion, kindness, and gentleness
as well as coming to a realization of what's making me unhappy:
namely, attachments and ignorance/delusion
attachments can be positive or negative, craving or aversion, greed or hatred...
and what makes me happy:
endorphins/exercise, library stimulus (e.g. music, blog, books, magazines, movies), and nature.
for starters.  I like smiles.  I need to learn to be "happy for no reason."

anyway, I'm looking in earnest for a new place now, so a change will be good.
move on, as they say.
and I'm going to the zoo with my aunt (just like a kid, but why not!)

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