Hello, people. This is a bit about my life. My name is Yun Ming Chao. I am 41 years old. I live in the United States. I was born in the People’s Republic of China, in 1982. My parents left a year after, and all my memories are of America. How did they escape, you ask? They are highly trained nuclear physicists who would be highly prized in any country of the globe. So when they discretely made their wishes known to the U.S. embassy, arrangements were made to whisk them out of the country, by helicopter, then jet, with an elaborate ruse of disquises, and -of course- ME. I’m told I was sedated. I guess America is an improvement. China is a pretty amazing place, too, though. I’m sure some people do the opposite thing. People can get tired of just about any darned place. Even Disneyland.
Myself, I don’t see what’s so special about knowing physics. Computers know all that stuff inside out, already. And why would governments want to go to so much trouble to build bombs? To create the capacity for nuclear annihilation? To threaten the entire world with nuclear winter and even the end of human life itself? Fuck physics! Fuck my parents!
Juan Chao and Judy Chao met in college at the University of Beijing. I know, JC’s, right? They fell in love with a big bang, I guess, and something to do with a jet of particles in a black hole, I suppose. 9 months later, in the spacetime continuum, I was born. I’m told males are born from doggy style and females from missionary. Maybe some day I’ll ask my parents if they remember! Does God know this kind of thing? How many hairs are on my head, anyway? Blondes are born with an average of 100,000; Redheads, 90,000. It ranges up to 150,000. The answer? 108,874. Inquiring minds like to know. Don’t ask.
I am the only child of Juan and Judy. They might be trying for another, but they keep that to themselves. I wouldn’t mind having a sibling. They doted on me, and raised me with their full attention - not even a dog. I’m grateful, I guess. I speak Mandarin and Cantonese, in addition to English, and I’m fluent in Spanish, French, and Thai. People say I’m a genius. Really, I’m just focused and disciplined, with a good memory. It’s not hard to be me. I didn’t even go to college. I’m just curiious, read alot, and am well-connected to people-in-the-know. All you need for a good education is curiosity, drive, and access to a library., in my opinion. Plus, writing helps me organize and clarify my thoughts. I keep a journal, and.a blog, and have 4 published books: of poetry, of philosophy, of politics, and …(no, not physics!!)…fiction.
There’s different kinds of smart. You should cultivate all of them. But my gift is Nature. Appreciation of plants and animals and the natural world. I draw everything, and read prodigiously about ecology, evolution, zoology, botany, geology, limnology, and things like sociobiology or paleoanthropology. Life is truly amazing. My parents may be capable of destroying the planet, but the force of Creation is far stronger (even if it only takes one match to destroy a forest). Love always wins, they say. I’m a lover, not a fighter. Although fighting is certainly natural. Anything is natural. You’ve just got to condition someone to it. Almost anybody can be almost anything. I love love. I don’t even fight against fighting.
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