A drop of fiction

Hello, people.   This is a bit about my life.  My name is Yun Ming Chao.   I am 41 years old.   I live in the United States.    I was born in the People’s Republic of China, in 1982.   My parents left a year after, and all my memories are of America.  How did they escape, you ask?  They are highly trained nuclear physicists who would be highly prized in any country of the globe.   So when they discretely made their wishes known to the U.S. embassy, arrangements were made to whisk them out of the country, by helicopter, then jet, with an elaborate ruse of disquises, and -of course- ME.   I’m told I was sedated.  I guess America is an improvement.   China is a pretty amazing place, too, though.   I’m sure some people do the opposite thing.   People can get tired of just about any darned place.   Even Disneyland.  

Myself, I don’t see what’s so special about knowing physics.   Computers know all that stuff inside out, already.   And why would governments want to go to so much trouble to build bombs?   To create the capacity for nuclear annihilation?  To threaten the entire world with nuclear winter and even the end of human life itself?  Fuck physics!  Fuck my parents!

Juan Chao and Judy Chao met in college at the University of Beijing.  I know, JC’s, right?   They fell in love with a big bang, I guess, and something to do with a jet of particles in a black hole, I suppose.  9 months later, in the spacetime continuum, I was born.  I’m told males are born from doggy style and females from missionary.   Maybe some day I’ll ask my parents if they remember!   Does God know this kind of thing?   How many hairs are on my head, anyway?  Blondes are born with an average of 100,000;   Redheads, 90,000.   It ranges up to 150,000.   The answer? 108,874.    Inquiring minds like to know.   Don’t ask.

I am the only child of Juan and Judy.   They might be trying for another, but they keep that to themselves.   I wouldn’t mind having a sibling.  They doted on me, and raised me with their full attention - not even a dog.   I’m grateful, I guess.   I speak Mandarin and Cantonese, in addition to English, and I’m fluent in Spanish, French, and Thai.  People say I’m a genius.  Really, I’m just focused and disciplined, with a good memory.   It’s not hard to be me.  I didn’t even go to college.   I’m just curiious, read alot, and am well-connected to people-in-the-know.    All you need for a good education is curiosity, drive, and access to a library., in my opinion.  Plus, writing helps me organize and clarify my thoughts.   I keep a journal, and.a blog, and have 4 published books: of poetry, of philosophy, of politics, and …(no, not physics!!)…fiction.

There’s different kinds of smart.   You should cultivate all of them.   But my gift is Nature.   Appreciation of plants and animals and the natural world.  I draw everything, and read prodigiously about ecology, evolution, zoology, botany, geology, limnology, and things like sociobiology or paleoanthropology.  Life is truly amazing.   My parents may be capable of destroying the planet, but the force of Creation is far stronger (even if it only takes one match to destroy a forest).  Love always wins, they say.  I’m a lover, not a fighter.   Although fighting is certainly natural.   Anything is natural.   You’ve just got to condition someone to it.  Almost anybody can be almost anything.  I love love.  I don’t even fight against fighting.  

Promise of Prom Promiscuity

 Prometheus is not prominent

Well, folks.   I'm on some new drugs (meds).   I'll tell you if you're nice.   I saw a phone number for mushrooms on my dog walk, today.  Tempting, but my dalliance with pot went awry, so why go further.  To the world: ARE YOU OKAY?  ARE YOU ALRIGHT?  Really?  There is evil out there.  Please be nice to each other.  People can be so cruel.  The world needs love.  Crime needs to be prevented and defeated.   Inculcated against with values.  Threatened with hell.  Promised with prison.  And all the criminals, along with everyone else, deserve ALL our love.  The world can be a beautiful, beautiful place.  

Reality is complex.   Reality is simple ("all that exists").    Words and numbers can be fluid, and sometimes should be.  Multiple meanings, complexity.  Misspellings.  Creativity, new words, new definitions, new meanings.  Gods and gods and God and god and Omg.  And no God at all.  

Has anyone ever told you, "It's all your fault."    Don't take this literally.  Like all of history and the universe and the news and the goings on of every individual on the entire planet, for the rest of eternity...  There IS such a thing as taking yourself too seriously.    Like a psychiatrist that thinks he's causing everyone's problems.  Or a player that thinks he's responsible for every loss, or something.   Lighten up, dude, and dudette.

LORDS:   love orgasm righteousness despair.      life omniscience retarded death.

Coffee affects your coffer.    Coffin?  Only if you don't cut back after side effects like heartburn, nervousness, and insomnia.  I like mine dark, lots of cream, lots of sugar.

Hope Healing Recovery.   Good mission statement.   Peace, freedom, love, therapy.   

Live, love, laugh, and Liberty.    Earn and Give and ASK/LEARN and Live.

Spiritually open, anxiety, insomnia, fear of alcoholism..   (telepathy, voice, good ol' Dave)

ISIS, what IS IS.   Alcohol is a depressive (can be, in excess), like life is suffering (what the Buddha famously said, not meaning ALL of it, obviously).

Kelli compared David Foster Wallace (DFW) to Jesus, after watching his 'Like Water' video on YouTube.   My default-settings (DE - David Eldridge said it was all my fault).    Infinite Jest makes me think of me, Jesse Teshara ("Jess T" - jest), existing in some infinite way.   But I don't need to think that way!  I'm pretty sure we all have our allotted time, impermanent, and then back to dust, oblivion, nullibiety. 

'Infinite Jest' is the title of a David Foster Wallace novel (I've read).   The title comes from Shakespeare (Hamlet), in reference to Yorick, the king's jester (alas!  I knew him well).   Alas, DFW committed suicide (in 2008).   I have almost all of his books.

Interesting questions:  Was I happy in the womb?  Was I born neutral, didn't cry?  Did your mom stick her finger in your butt to see if you squeal (supposedly to see if you're gay)?  What did they do to you?   Were you raped?  What are the consequences of your name?  Did you get an award in something you're not really any good at?  Did you major in something you ended up not using?  Were you overly ambitious?  Are you a "totally useless person"?  Is "skirt steak" an insidious name for a delicious dish?  Does Star Wars make kids want to have superpowers, delusional fantasies they have no hope of ever, ever acquiring?  Who is in our heads?  (For example, I named a dog Ollie-Guacho).   It could be guacamole nacho, or it could be an epithet for a bastard (I discovered later).  Are you a bastard?  Did you have a moment of nausea in church?  Did your parents fight at the dinner table?  Did you start a new life on the wrong foot?  Did you neglect to marry the love of your life?  I called a dog dopey.  He later walked into a tree.   Did I do that?   Does Jesus want us to PREY for him?   What is the John Wick quote getting at, "I have served.  I will BE of service"?  (Are you a greater sinner than you admit to yourself (or God)?  Do you not believe in sin or God, anyway?  Do you think fairness requires harshness or laxity?). 

Be GOOD to yourself, LOVE yourself, take care of yourself, and get the support you need.   The Universe may be indifferent, but you don't need to be, and the people you surround yourself with should care. 

Has anyone ever asked you, "WHAT are you?".   What is the "dark web", exactly?   Who put the alphabet in it's current order?   Is there a rhyme or reason to it?  Is it hopeless to attempt a baby?  Then again, JS Bach had 16 kids, but has no living descendants today.   Is "jacket" deprecatory toward onanism?  Are hotdogs severed-penises??   Spray for me, Jesus.   What does folding (origami?) have to do with the 8-fold path?  Is Economics EEK o comics?  Were Clinton and Gore elected on the resonance of their names with sex and violence?  (clitoris bloodbath).   Are you a baby in a grown man's body??

Spaceship earth, yellow submarine, it takes a village

You don't owe anybody anything, and nobody owes you anything, either.

Why do earworms persist??  How do you clear them?

Sudoku is not a pseudo-coup

"crazy and not in recovery" vs.  Sane and best friend ever, with promise of All

Many Factors that go into Well-Being

Hope this Helps

ANY IDEA SHOULD BE FUN (REALITY MUST NEVER BE FUN, thought of because I want to prevent it, if it ever becomes a possibility, anywhere).   Isolated or growing.

Freedom, Chemicals and Food (Diet and Nutrition),  Exercise and Fitness, Love Relationships Intimacy and Sex, Compatibility Pleasure and Attraction, Money and Things, Hypnosis and Contentment and Equanimity and Lack of Resentment and Forgiveness, History and Conditioning, Safety and Peace, Preparedness, Humor and Light-Heartedness, Trust, Kindness and Virtue, Self-Care, God, People around you, Words, Dreams, Conditions, Entertainment and Distraction, Goals, Livelihood, Nature, Stillness and Calm, Meditation, Sleep, Torture Torment Pain Suffering and Resentment, Psychic Vampires, Environs, Philosophy Religion and Culture, Predators Crime and Sadists, Variety and Change, DNA, Health, Compassion and Empathy and Understanding, People Places and Things (family friends co-workers roommates) (travel and culture-shock) (objects and ideas), Creativity, Mind. 

Plus, some Buddhism, etc.

Compassion for God, criminals, soldiers, haters, psychopaths, victims.   Sympathy for the devil.

Kindness is my religion.  Not spite, malice, revenge.   Resentment and cruelty.  Anger hatred rage wrath fury.   Ire, grumpiness, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, sadness, depression, suicide.  

Suffering exists.  Life is suffering.  Suffering is real and almost universal.  Suffering has many causes: loss, sickness, pain, failure, and the impermanence of pleasure.    Things like humiliation, broken dreams, sadness, and loss.

You can be happy to just be alive.  You can be happy for no reason.  You can be happy from heroin, exercise, love, vacation, money, entertainment / escape.   You can be happy from justice.   Winning.  Food.  Most anything.  Hypnosis, self-hypnosis, medications, therapy, dreams.  Meditation.  Nature.  Self-realization.   Making others happy.  Reducing suffering.  Trying, effort, discipline, fulfillment.

"Arrogance" - attitude of superiority (I have more humility than you, lol)

Suffering from desire and craving.   For things, ideas, habits.   You can just be.   Endure.

Songs: I wanna new drug (HL and the News), Love is the drug I'm thinking of (Roxy music), Alone Again Or (Love) : "I could fall in love with almost anyone"; Love the One You're With (Stephen Stills); Outside (Staind).    Live until you die's the only way to stay sane (misheard Sublime lyric)/ only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy (-Susanna Kaysen).

Love can be a feeling and a choice at the same time.   A decision and emotion.   It shouldn't be forced, unnatural, or inorganic.   But you can also say, "damn the torpedoes"  (the "matrix" can be really, really stupid).   Sometimes there are forces and agendas.  Love needs to be renewed, maintained.   "it was cold that day."   Love wants to make each other happy.  Grok and understand.

People want to feel special.   And everyone is.   Remember, you're unique, like everyone else, lol.

the cooking instructor asked, "who knows where the thyme goes?"

'you're a natural therapist, Jess';  'you're gonna generate so much love'; 'the world is so fucking insane'

"axolotl questions".    "pooped and popped".   "resentment and zen enlightenment".  

is everything military psychiatry?  (that is to say, life or death).  ..mean, angry, vengeful.  I had a dream with a soldier saying, "it's evil NOT to kill, actually".   Some believe it's cruel NOT to be cruel.   What's the difference between a psychopath, a sociopath, and a "pure" psychopath?  Was the earth seeded with life by an extinct alien civilization that sent robots (with DNA or whatever) to search the Universe for a new place to live?   Are we alone, have we always been alone?  "seems like a pretty big wastes of space"

People change: age and appearance, medication, circumstances, even personality sometimes.

Philosophers that like to think, think a lot, and "never mind".  huh?  condense, filter, distill

To be grate is to be misunderstood - Ralph Waldo Emerson.   Was Jesus a lethal self-hating psychic vampire?  (christian borg, some of them) 

Darth Buddha, psychopathic Buddha (dual Nature, e.g. predator and prey)

Shaman and shawoman and showmen