A New Me

Reality

Each one of us inhabits his/her own world

But maybe humanity itself (if not animalia; if not all of reality) is dreamed by a “God” figure, presumably human, who controls all of us, somehow.   In other words, we’re One consciousness, conceiving of itself subjectively.   Intersubjectivity, interacting to create a co-arising present moment, a force behind progress and history, itself.   Reality is God, somehow.  It’s a weird philosophy.  But maybe it’s true.  On the other hand, God might just be a spell, that reality itself is alive and loving, a giant corporation, that we’re all a part of (but not actually a real thing).

“Reality” is a song: merrily, life is but a dream.  Go with the flow.  Go slow.   Relax, and enjoy the ride.  Sometimes it’s a roller coaster, and sometiimes it’s as slow as molasses.  You can take the blue pill, or, to “see how deep the rabbit hole goes”, take the red pill.   Be vampiric, and suck the life out of reality, to get to the bottom of things, and get violent against “the system.”   Slavery, for example, is said to be higher today than ever before, in all of history.

Personally, I like steaks, I like reality as it is, and I’m happy in my own world, a dog walker in the matrix, having ingested the blue pill.   Poor old blue.  Blue sky.  Wind blew.  Sad from Sky vodka, (alcohol is a depressant).  Life is good.  I wouldn’t change a thing.   At least, in MY world.

On the other hand, not everybody is as well off as me.  I have no debt.  I live in Berkeley.  I have plenty I want to read and do.  I don’t have a family to raise money for (house, car, college, etc.), or an unhappy constituency, like a politician might.   I get free food, free healthcare, free dental, free library, almost free meds, discounted gym membership and clipper card, and wifi and utilities are included in my (well-priced, for the bay area) rent.   My phone is free (a gift from my brother, Greg), I get amazon prime (a gift from my aunt Vicki), and there is a steady supply of Wag! walks, in my area, to supplement my income, as needed.   My disability, which others perceive as my being “insane” or “mentally ill”, pays my bills, and helps me live a free, relaxed lifestyle, in which I get to write my blog, read lots of books, listen to music (I have an amazon music membership for 3.99/mo), sleep in, and exercise (in pursuit of both mental and physical health).   I’m almost afraid of getting well.   Life is good.   I’m “Uncle Jesse” to my brother’s 2 kids (Ben and Declan), as well as my ex’s kid, in Portland, Augustus.  

I like my blog, and it’s popular (averaging around 85 page views/day.  My mental health is improving, and maybe I’ll teach martial arts and lead nature hikes and be a professional cuddler, or be an audiobook narrator, or actually be an author of an actual, honest-to-god book, instead of just blog posts.   If my voice disappears, and my fitness regimen yields an athletic, beautiful body, maybe I’ll be able to finish my “homework” of my book list, compiled from 3 books (Bloom’s canon, 1001 books you must read before you die, 501 books) and various award-winning series, such as Newbery winners, Edgar award winners, or even just Bill Gates recommendations.   My ideal, disciplined, reading regimen is a book/day.  That would still take years of effort, and I am by no means a speed-reader.  

In addition to all those books, I want to read daily news, wikipedia, trivia questions, email, daily history, legal and medical resources, religion and psychology and philosophy works, improve my spanish, and do other things, like white water rafting, hiking and camping out in Nature, going to new and different religious services, go to movies and plays and museums, and maybe even having a girlfriend.    For starters.   I have a lot on my plate, for someone who doesn’t need to do anything (!).  I like being motivated, busy, and waking early, to get a lot done.   If I’m going to be God, I should be serious about it.   Comedians take their work seriously, lol.   But seriously, I want to make myself and others happy, and reduce the amount of suffering in the world.  So yoga, meditation, and plenty of rest are called for, I think.

Maybe I’m not being a responsible citizen, doing all I can to relieve suffering, as an activist for a new, changed, and better world.  Maybe I need to fight.  Maybe prisoners are the real heroes, having taken the challenge seriously, and taken arms against the enemy.   Then again, Buddhist dharma teaches that enlightenment consists of equanimity, no aversions, being one with reality, and thus a happy part of a co-arising system, that gets better with being awake, alive, aware, and calm, tranquil, and discerning.    Now everybody’s me, as the Dead Milkmen sang.  Say you want a revolution, you better change yourself, instead.   So it goes.  There are a lot of pieces to the reality puzzle, I think.  Nirvana and enlightened society (shambala) are a lifelong project.   You do what you can.   Maybe you can’t change others, but you have a measure of control over your own well-being, which is a hard enough project in itself. 

The next chapter in my life is in Portland, which could be in as few as 6 months, but maybe 9 or even a year from now.   So that’s kind of fun to look forward to.   I’m happy here, but rent there is about half what I pay now.  Plus, I could use a change, a challenge, a new world to explore.  So it’s a good move, with friends, to boot.  I’m excited about it,  and eager to immerse myself, in the worlds of Sara Pierre and Augie, Reed college, and the unknown social milieu of Portland, whether neighbors, or members of different religious communities, or groups of hikers (like in Scouting) or gym rats or whatever.   I really want to learn the plants and animals there, too, so I can be an interesting guide on nature hikes.  The nature is really lush and pleasant there, in my opinion.   So much to do!

There’s a lot to do in Berkeley, and I am aware of how much I’m not doing, actually, and feeling kind of swamped by my level of inactivity relative to how much I want to get done.   Doing nothing is of course fun, in itself, and it’s all good, no matter how much I do or don’t do, so I’m not too hard on myself, really.  You can only do so much, I guess.   I’d like to kick it up a notch, though.   I’m taking my fitness seriously, and hope to get in noticeably better shape, in the coming months, through a disciplined approach to diet, exercise, enough (but not too much) sleep, and avoiding junk foods and what might be called “lazing in torpid sloth.”  May the force be with me, lol.  Get to work!  I say to me, myself, and I.  Motivated, dedicated, ooh rah.