Self-Improvement

Beating the odds, getting better/sane/well

I have a disability, schizoaffective disorder (bipolar plus schizophrenia)-
I take olanzapine (30 mg/ day), and risperidone (1 mg/day),
and I'm doing well; my symptoms (voice, head-shocks, & occasionally pain) have been minimal, of late.  I almost feel sane.
(aside: in the Is this a joke category: my voice said 'you are well, jess')
what to make of that, right?  I mean, the voice IS (largely) my illness.  ugh.
I've been diagnosed with mental illness since '94...

Disability has been good to me: paid meds, kaiser, and almost 900 a month (my rent/utility is 500), discount Y membership (35/mo), and red bart passes ($24 for $9).  Plus free time to do whatever:  I read the NY times/economist/csmonitor/foreign affairs, my 1001 book list, write my blog, and listen to a lot of music (I have 11 stations I surf on my computer's itunes that I listen to with cordless headphones).

The 11 stations are Cal, Stanford, MIT, Harvard, UCLA, CalPoly, UCDavis, UCSantaCruz, Rhode Island,  UCSanDiego, and the Grateful Dead.

My current reading list is:
Unexplained Mysteries of WWII, by William B. Breuer
Unseen Academicals, by Terry Pratchett

I'd like to read an encyclopedia set, and all of Shakespeare, and Proust.
and El Reino de este Mundo (in english) by the author of the lost steps (which I read in college) Alejo Carpentier.
and Anxiety Disorders and Phobias, a cognitive perspective, by Beck, Emory, Greenberg.

I am hopeful that all my symptoms will remit, and I can rejoin the working world as a happily employed, pms (productive member of society).   I still want to raise a family, and have things like a house, a car, and savings (for things like travel, or kids going to college). I don't like feeling I'm a leach on the government or  taxpayers.  I'd feel better contributing to the tax base, instead.

My wellness recovery action plan (wrap) includes:
meetup.com
okcupid
volunteermatch
berkeley shambhala center
YMCA
people's yoga
superbetter
kaiser
and this, my blog.

I like my life.  I'm largely content.
But at the same time, I'd like to keep hope alive that it can be even better.