what floats my boat

my own personal "heaven"

I don't believe in an afterlife, except maybe a concept of the future in relation to the eternal now.

A plan to be happy, before oblivion, therefore is:

1)good books (award winners, recommended, well-written stuff I can get lost in)
(a book can be considered a teleportation device!)
2)good relationships (love)
3)good service (heaven is what we make of the earth)
and
4)being selfish (heaven is largely what we make of ourselves, just as hell is largely in our heads)
...slavish pursuit of money seems counterproductive to me.
being happy consists mainly of being content with what one has.
I think that is a central tenet of buddhism (not having craving/aversion)
I meditate weekly, on wednesday evenings, with the BSC (shambhala)

stimulus: A library, whose contents are all free, is a source of joy for me
(an album of music, book, and newspaper per day)
(weekly economist, christian science monitor)
(foreign affairs magazine, every other month) 

exercise: endorphins, looking good-feeling good, losing my gut, getting fit, being physically strong, is a result of the Y (35 bucks a month), swimming, and I also would like to start going to yoga (yttp -yoga to the people- is a free/donation-based service, also downtown)

diet: eating healthy, portion control, avoiding soda/junk food, comes from wise daily decisions throughout the day.

the "dream": Despite being happy with my current status,
I still would like to strive for -even better-:
job, income, house, car, wife, kid(s), wellness (mentally, physically)

but for now,
I'll just practice 'early to bed, early to rise',
walking dogs (MFT -Marcel, Fido & Taco)
volunteering
family, friends, dating
camping, hiking
writing

argh

"2 billion people on this planet do not have clean drinking water, and that water could have been supplied to them for about one-fifth of the cost of the Iraq war."

that's all i wanted to say.  it deserves it's own focus/attention, I think.

8 Goals

for me, but you're welcome to adopt them, too.

1)be cheerful ("sunny") -yellow, like the sun

2)go to nature (green, like trees/chlorophyll)

3)grounded (brown, like dirt)
"I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love. I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

 4)healthy (physically, mentally - ACE: awake, curious, engaged.) (purple, top goal)

5)creative (red)

6)informed (blue, because the newspaper's messages are so often depressing)

7)friendly, social (orange)

8)motivated (black) for a)money, and b)love.

Self-Improvement

Beating the odds, getting better/sane/well

I have a disability, schizoaffective disorder (bipolar plus schizophrenia)-
I take olanzapine (30 mg/ day), and risperidone (1 mg/day),
and I'm doing well; my symptoms (voice, head-shocks, & occasionally pain) have been minimal, of late.  I almost feel sane.
(aside: in the Is this a joke category: my voice said 'you are well, jess')
what to make of that, right?  I mean, the voice IS (largely) my illness.  ugh.
I've been diagnosed with mental illness since '94...

Disability has been good to me: paid meds, kaiser, and almost 900 a month (my rent/utility is 500), discount Y membership (35/mo), and red bart passes ($24 for $9).  Plus free time to do whatever:  I read the NY times/economist/csmonitor/foreign affairs, my 1001 book list, write my blog, and listen to a lot of music (I have 11 stations I surf on my computer's itunes that I listen to with cordless headphones).

The 11 stations are Cal, Stanford, MIT, Harvard, UCLA, CalPoly, UCDavis, UCSantaCruz, Rhode Island,  UCSanDiego, and the Grateful Dead.

My current reading list is:
Unexplained Mysteries of WWII, by William B. Breuer
Unseen Academicals, by Terry Pratchett

I'd like to read an encyclopedia set, and all of Shakespeare, and Proust.
and El Reino de este Mundo (in english) by the author of the lost steps (which I read in college) Alejo Carpentier.
and Anxiety Disorders and Phobias, a cognitive perspective, by Beck, Emory, Greenberg.

I am hopeful that all my symptoms will remit, and I can rejoin the working world as a happily employed, pms (productive member of society).   I still want to raise a family, and have things like a house, a car, and savings (for things like travel, or kids going to college). I don't like feeling I'm a leach on the government or  taxpayers.  I'd feel better contributing to the tax base, instead.

My wellness recovery action plan (wrap) includes:
meetup.com
okcupid
volunteermatch
berkeley shambhala center
YMCA
people's yoga
superbetter
kaiser
and this, my blog.

I like my life.  I'm largely content.
But at the same time, I'd like to keep hope alive that it can be even better.