Update on me

Downdate on you?

Hello everyone.   Hi everybody.  Greetings, All.    I am kind of a different person, now.    I’m still taking lithium (900mg/pm) and invega trinza (1/3mo),  but now I’m also just starting clozapine.   Plus fun things like amlodapine, stool softener, and docusate.   Docusate is the red pill.    If you bite into it you get a nasty surprise.   I’ve been feeling weak, unsteady.  At one pointt I thought I might fall, just waliking to my room.   My hands have been shaky.   My writing has turned to chicken scratch.   I’ve been nauseous.  300 mg. of clozaril, … I have been staggering around, oversleeping, and am definitely wondering if I am overmedicated.    I go for weekly bloodwork, to monitor the clozapine, for 6 months, then every 2 weeks for the next 6 months.  I've been warned about too much sugar.

 

I missed my night dosage last night.   I’ve been sleeping a lot.   But I feel much better today (Sunday 7-27).   I need a pillbox.   And a container for all my obsolete medication.    This is not rocket science.   

I’m reading Crying of Lot 49 by Pynchon, about halfway through.   I’ve been guzzling down lemonade, gatorade, vitawater, Starbucks coffee, the occasional red bull.   Thirsty.

I’m losing weight. Like 18 pounds over 3 months.   Not as hungry.   Twix, Doritos seem kind of gross.   I still like a Coke, tho.  

K is really low-key which is helpful as I adjust to the meds and how the meds make me feel.  We’re both really sleepy.    Our room looks really good.    I think we need to get some more storage bins to clear out space.    The minimalist aesthetic .   HOS tonight (Sunday 10p- Mid) on KALW.   

sushi, amen

she men

a damsel fly named Denzel

ceviche in Seville

there's to be, thirsty bees!

Gorgons eating Zola

Good Day,  everyone.  It’s lovely weather here in Berkeley, not too hot, not too cold.   I bought 9 mochis, and a breakfast burrito (vegan chorizo).   Plus some Sprite and 4 giant peaches.  It’s mellow and relaxed at home; we’re doing laundry, and texting family.   Tonight is HOS.   I read the Crying of Lot 49, and started reading Spanish (dictionary, grammar).   My landlord Edgar invited me to go to his home in Acapulco.   I have yet to refill the bird feeder in the back yard.   The peach trees are in bloom.   But half the yucca tree felll over.   It’s nice to sit in the yard, in the sun, with or without a cigarette.   This week I’m expecting a fun package from Amazon.   It’s fun to immerse in spanish, speech, radio, tv, books, magazines, and of course just plain old thought.

Buenos dias, todos!  La clima aquí es muy agradable, ni bastante caloroso ni bastante frio.   Compré 9 mochis, y un burrito de desayuno sin carne.    Y Duraznos!   Qué maravilla!

jesst

 Jesse Lawrence Teshara (Stollnitz).    

I grew up at the intersection of Darien and Manor, in SF.    I.e.  Gulf Of Darien (GOD) and LORD of Manor.  Jesse is Jesús, and Teshara is Eshara, Shara, Hara, Ara and Ra!   Evokes Avalokitesvara, and Chuy (pronounced Chewy).   And Jest.

I’m crazy!  I just ate a bag of nuts!   

This made me psycho enough to drink some (ice cold) milk (mil k?  A thousand kills?) 

And don’t get me started on the DoritOS   Operating System!

Am I surrounded by space aliens?   Or just illegal aliens?   Far out, man!

Everybody on the earth-realm has their genesis here, if you ask me!  Aliens that know the law about liens?   Weird thought.

History:  Was Einstein a Grey?  (weird dehumanization), he only wore grey, the story goes.

How much of Reality is Applied Mathematics?

“trippin’ ballsz” (gonads, bubbles, etc.):   is water really alive?

Cobra head faucets, poke it in the eyes for it to spit some shit (well, water)

Holy socks, Batman!

V for versus, victory, victim

Vicki and Tim, I need a Hennessy, I need a Guinness.     Habits nun.   

Drunks get drunk, sometimes (literally).    Je’ suis juicy Jesse, JC!     Jose Cuervo

Mushroom bar, The Philosopher’s Club, a “black magic” at Applebee’s (alcohol nightmare), psycho about fruits, vegetables, and meat.     AA - abstain from alcohol, and  build a community, and A LIFE.    No Smoking, either.   Absolute Rule.

God is an alcoholic.    Drinks to get drunk.   AA, Just Do It.    Just say no.   Sane and sober.   Life is crazy.    Like speaking in tongues, and role-play as a vessel-body inhabited by a Deity!     

Infinite Jest,  The Book -   and “Alligators”.    Alligators are scary.

Gore names:   Gregory, Al Gore, and Gore Vidal (and Igor)

The sexual basket case decided to put the lotion in the basket…. (playing with fire at the psych unit)

Larry, Dad, Mr. T  on a power trip (PT), and Peggy playing aggravation to Aggravate, not win.    Dad who threw me in the pool, popped like a bubble.   

How’s TV?   How’s VT? (!!!!) 

Things you can do in a room.    Read, Watch, Listen, Eat, Exercise, Sleep, Write, Talk, Create, Work, Play, Meditate, Do Nothing, Pray, Reflect/ Introspect, Sit, Stand, Learn, Teach, Move, Stand, Stretch, Jumprope, Isometrics, Lunges, Pushups, Bicycle Crunches (standing up, or on ground), Keep Log of Activity (reps, sets).   Enjoy the Silence.   Love.  Fight.   Rituals.   Origami.  Chess.  Checkers.   Tic-tac-toe.  Craft cards.   Darts.  Learn magic.   Collect Jokes.  Service.  Sweat.  Bodyrok.   Shstt (see hear smell taste touch, Perceive).   Internal diagnostic.   Count.   

Self-compassion.   Have broken right toe, for like 20+ years (stubbbed) (received no attention).   God-players.  There are many of us.   I had a concussion, maybe?   I need new glasses.    My ear is fine, I think, and my throat, too.   I was suicidal, for once, actually, which is hard for me to imagine how this happened (i thought I was immune to that).  Kelli seems to think the real me is Hated, and I should smoke cigarettes. 

I am older than Richard Stollnitz when he died.   Annette has been dead like 3 years, I believe.

by special request:  the psychology of color-

roygbiv

red.   read.   there is a book called 'red'.    Chinese wedding dresses are red.   blood, of course.   republicans and bloods (vs. crips).  red lights and red curbs and strawberries and red meat.   red apples, magenta, crimson, etc.

orange.  delicious.  range of o.  actually does kinda rhyme with porridge.   are oranges and bananas appealing to you? ha.  

yellow.  yell ow!   the sun.  it was all yellow.   mellow yellow.   hello.   between red and green.

green.  the color of Nature (chorophyll).   Green (inexperienced) and the Green Party, and green-eyed monster (jealousy).  Greens, good for your diet.   Green leafy vegetables.  Green is a surname.  My favorite color.

blue.  sky.  bleu cheese.  Democrats.  blueberries.  blue man group.  blue meanies.  

indigo.  the indigo girls.    indie rock.   

violet.   purple.    Harrold and the purple crayon.   One eyed one horned flying purple people eater.  

brown, black, white, grey-  like skin colors and races and stuff, but also cool sartorial choices, for all the folks wanting to look like chess pieces or whatever.   Anywhere from monochromatic to bold, vibrant, iridescent, and psychedelic.   dull or shimmering.   naked or nude :-)

if you have a t-shirt collection with 7 different solid colors, maybe you might want to try the experiment I did in college-   Sunday yellow, Monday green (Monday was GreenDay, before the band - what did THEY mean by it?*), Tuesday blue, Wednesday (indigo, purple, violet), Thursday red, and Friday orange.    People DID seem to "see red" on Thursdays....   It was really more of a way to remember what I did on which day of the week, like a memory trick.

* 'Green Day' comes from a day spent smoking marijuana, lol.