Enlightenment

some thoughts

(word itself evokes: in, light, mind)
en is in in spanish
light is a particle and a wave, from fire/electric lights/sun (plasma), photons
            during the day (perceived with eyes), at night (dreams in mind)
            or daydreams, visions, imagination  ("second-sight")
                  (from morpheus, god of dreams/God) (or self-generated)
            -aside: some of the blind (those who had vision, and lost it) still dream and see things
            -(telepathy, from a "source")(or from one's own mind),
                   (or interaction between both)
            Lucifer, besides meaning Satan,  means
                  light-bringing, morning star, Venus (when it rises in the morning)
                  hell is a place of fire (fire is a kind of light); fireplace (santa/satan)
            stars in sky, "stars" (Hollywood, for example), luminaries
            bright, intelligent vs. "dim-witted"
            light, not heavy (jesus: "my burden is light")("is the way, the truth, the light")
            thought, thinking, realization (synapses "light up" when stimulated)
            light-sabers, tracer fire, flaming arrows, flame-throwers, bomb explosions, gunfire
            light-hearted, levity, cheerful, happy.  humor.
                 the unbearable lightness of being
            childbirth is a process of coming out into the light
            birds "alight" on branches; lighthouses to guide ships; light snack
            illuminati, "lamp" (naughty, amped, los angeles, military police)
            e=mc2 (matter is energy (some of which is) is (visible) light)

Buddhist enlightenment is extinguishing the flame or fire/blown-out, however (dark?)
    to extinguish the causes of affliction, suffering
              mental/physical illness
             (sid vicious: sickness, illness, disease) (dukkha: suffering, discontent, dissatisfaction)
                   (pastmad: pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish, despair)
                    (experiencing the unwanted, not experiencing the wanted)
                      (attachment, craving, aversion)
                           (greed, lust for money, sex, for example)
                           (anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury)
                           (attachment to life/living, aversion to dying/death)

 to cultivate equanimity, realization, discernment; extinguish ignorance, delusion
     lasting happiness from self-knowledge, attaining truth/wisdom
       (insight, comprehension, understanding) (awake)
      meditation: resulting in a calm, tranquil, peaceful, still, and quiet mental state
      4 truths: impermanence, no-self, emptiness, suffering

Enlighten-mints, yum (lol)
some tasty truth
the buddhist vacuum cleaner has no attachments
the buddhist monk says to the hotdog vendor: make me one with everything
alive, awake, aware

i don't believe in souls, rebirth, reincarnation, samsara (i know a Sam and Sara, though!), or sin.
Souls are bodies and brains and minds, life is cyclical in days, weeks, months, years, etc but not lifetimes,  a "past life" is just a different chapter in your life's book, so to speak.   Sin could be thought of as 'satan in', but everybody is their own god with their own law and situational ethics, so my sin might not be yours.  No sin, but definitely law and crime, so hell is incarceration (jail or prison) or other lack of freedom (slavery, or the matrix (?) limiting what you can think, say, or do).

Hi

Daily Writing

“writing-meditation”, like sitting, or walking, or whatever.

towards an entity of quantity of quality creativity

does that make sense? An itty-bitty amount? Scents? Sensei (teacher, (master?), japanese)

Restated:

authorial, editorial, compositional productivity. Intelligent, fresh, inspired, creative, fun to read/write!

A system, an attempt at the mastery of reality, a TOE (theory of everything), a personal perspective.

MY reality, which upon being read, becomes the virtual reality of the reader.

“Processing books i've read, life-experiences, conversations, past thoughts/writings, meditations, reveries, ruminations.”

(processing words themselves, words in words, what's in a name:

Boo!, ook, ivy, blood, shakespeare/shake spear, peers, convicts (cons), verse/poetry/bible, passed, p.a.s.t. (pain, agony, suffering, torment), thaw, oughts, meds, te (spanish for tea), shins, engines/injuns, ries (laughs, in spanish), rumi, room, rumen (cow), nations). You could go further than this kind of deconstruction with anagrams, initialisms, synonyms/antonyms, connotations/denotations (“because you know sometimes words have two meanings”), translations, rhymes, homonyms, quotes, and jokes!)

really, just as there are 26 letters that make up 171,476 (current) words in the english language (OED, 20 volume second edition), there is a non-infinite variety of possible (meaningful) sentences using those words. That would be quite a long book. How many books exist, you ask? Google, in 2010, came up with the answer of nearly 130 million (published in modern history). So this is just a drop in the ocean, like tears in rain.

Libraries are social places, despite the quietness of minimal conversation.. because every book is the author screaming out to be read, for mindshare, for self-aggrandizement, for influence, for immortality, if not the money/income from having their work published and purchased. But, we all know, or should anyway, nothing lasts forever. Not even diamonds. They will decay over the kalpas of time, like every star, every planet, every living thing. So a book is as futile as breathing. But it's something to pass the time, and can be fun, while it lasts.

Life is short, and you only live once, so you should make your life fun, interesting, worthwhile, and meaningful. You are the captain of your ship, and can choose to change direction at any time. You can write up a bucket list, a lifelong to-do list, which will give your life order, a kind of fate, for your (what, 120 years, max?). You could be Jesus, you could be Hitler, you could be nobody, you could be everybody, or you could just be “yourself” (which you define for yourself, and can change at any time).

You could even be God. That's if you want to be good, but don't want to be Jesus. And nobody in their right mind wants to be Jesus. Seriously, it's not worth it to prove your universal love by submitting to torture and execution! But God is love, and if you love everybody, then the right nails the left and the left nails the right, in the politics of a stupid, divided, politically bifurcated society, such as the supposedly “united” states of america. Well, I don't love everybody, then. I'd rather do the nailing than be the nailed. Honestly, I'm not sure I love anybody. Well, I love myself, of course. But does anyone share my perspective, which is a mix of both “left” and “right” positions? I don't think leftism is a consistent philosophy, nor do I think the Right is all right. If no one agrees with me, then I guess I want to nail anyone! I support a consistent life ethic. I am pro-life, being adopted and grateful for not having been aborted. So I would nail the abortionists. Mothers who kill their babies are nailing themselves, really. They shouldn't feel proud of not choosing to give their children up for adoption. I am also pro-life in the sense of being vegetarian, not contributing to the suffering and death of animals, and being an environmentalist, who doesn't appreciate unnecessary hunting for sport, or the exploitation of natural resources to satisfy the greed of selfish, destructive, uncaring capitalists, for whom the meaning of life is simply making money, with life as a game, where the richest man wins. So I would nail those who pollute, those who kill, and those who make a killing. Actually, this makes me pro-war, doesn't it? Those who want to kill can go kill other people that want to kill, and wipe themselves and their ilk from the planet. God is a man of war. That's actually from the bible. Nature is beautiful, even if red in tooth and claw. I can definitely see how life is hellish, and why anybody would want to make billions (of dollars), the billions of poor be damned. But I also see how easy it would be to ensure all of humanity lives comfortably, in peace, with basic needs met, and access to enjoyable activities like restaurants, gyms, sports, libraries, internet, and museums. If I were a soldier, that would be the only thing worth fighting for. Not dying for, though. You only live once, and you should be selfish enough to make yourself the priority, in a world of shit. 

    You should elevate yourself to God, and be responsible for your own happiness, instead of submitting to a non-existent entity, or an organized religion, or even a cult with others who will gladly tell you what they think "God" wants from you. Every religion starts as a cult. Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus... they were all crazy. But life is crazy. It's hard not to be. Sanity is difficult. But I think most of us would agree that sanity is a good thing. If “only God is good”, then you have to make yourself God to be sane!! This fact takes a little getting used to. It's a mix of Buddhism, that says all humans are Basically Good- and the bible, that says Only God is good. It (I am God) is rational, intelligent, wise, sane, and makes life interesting and meaningful. I imagine that you have to evolve and emerge from insanity toward the eventual enlightenment of seeing oneself as divine, after coming to the realization that You are your own you-niverse, the God of your own consciousness, the captain of your own ship, responsible for your own heaven or hell. If you are not God, then No One is. There is nothing to submit to. Religion is a lot of blather, memes, sermons, writings, and rituals that don't amount to anything, unless you become the God that everybody else is supposedly worshipping. That is why Catholics celebrate Eucharist. You are what you eat, and if you eat God, then you become him. God matter, after going to “Mass.” Making the spiritual real, the virtual into the physical, word made flesh. Go out to love and serve the lord. Jesus is dead. So the lord is you. You've just been hypnotized to think that you've eaten the body and blood of Christ, which is kinda gross if you think about it. But it's called communion. That's subliminal for cum-union, or sex, which is the whole point and purpose of being alive and in love, being fruitful and multiplying and having children and raising a family. If you're looking for the meaning of life, well we're all basically programmed by evolution to survive and reproduce, and no religion will get very far without celebrating human sexuality. Lord is life or death, and sex is living, orgasm is called the “little death,” and death is D eating H. Smile (emoticon) eating God (8). Or something like that (hated). Devil eats God, God eats devil. That makes a kind of sense. Words are weird. But it's a world. I like animals, and empty, wordless realization. Concepts and thinking don't always require words. Images, numbers, words, and curiosity make a thoughtful mind. 

So the right crucifies the left, and the left crucifies the right. And if you're both, you're screwed, too, and maybe end up like Jesus, nailed for loving everyone. Open-minded, expansive, accepting thinking got him nowhere but hell. Did he say don't let the left hand know what the right is doing? Or vice versa? I have to look that up, to see what side Jesus might have been on... I assume right was righteous and left luciferian. But left is loving, and right so very wrong! I don't think I care, honestly. I'm not Jesus, I'm God. Screw Jesus. I'm not even Jewish. And I can choose to simply be Jesse, and not be God, as life goes. People have a lot of baggage around the word and concept of God. I just want people to realize that they are their own “source of goodness.” God is just happiness psychology hypnosis, as I see it. We're all God, especially if we help each other get there. Praise Jesse! Praise God! Praise the Lord! Praise Bill! Praise the goddess! lol

CVS

what does it mean?

link, wikipedia

the store was originally consumer value store,
then the ceo said it was convenience, value, service.
link, wikipedia

I have a few of my own!!

creativity, virtue, satisfaction
or
criminality, vice, sin
cthulhu, voldemort, sauron

ha!

Thou Art God

If none of my other rationales hit home...
You can't deny this one!
T.a.g., you're it

2 "terrifying truths"
from
Attack of the Killer Facts, by Eric Grzymkowski:

1. There are about 1 billion bacteria in the human mouth
(and to them, you are a God!) pg. 13

2. The average human's digestive system contains 10 times more bacteria than there are cells in the entire body.  This amounts to approximately 2 pounds of bacteria.
pg. 18

breakdown:
You are an ecosystem, a planet, a host

symbiosis: (4 kinds):
amensalism (amen!)
parasitism (like a vampire!)
commensalism (mensa!)
mutualism (everybody's happy)

wikipedia explanation (link)

yet another reference to the "mystery" of the eucharist
(the "body of christ" is called a 'host'); something to think about.
Wafer me outside, ha
Is Mass out? No, but your shirt's untucked! Ha, again.

my newsy, busy email

 hi mom

I have enough money these days (I'm making $55/day, for 13 days, at 1613), that I can afford the gym membership. Hopefully, I can renew the discounted rate. Also, maybe my paying will help motivate me to go more often. Thanks so much for helping with it for so long! It was much appreciated! I just bought a pair of hiking/walking shoes from REI ($130-). I like them. I met another wag-walker there (Emily). In addition to daily walking, I can always do pushups and stretching at home, and jumprope or jog, if I have the time. There's a free yoga studio, downtown, as well. I miss swimming at the gym pool, though. I buy protein powder from GNC, (and most of my food from Trader Joe's). I went with Sara and Augustus to the restaurant Spoon (korean food) today. It was my turn. She chose the restaurant. I have so much I want to do (books, especially), that I think I need to get (more) self-motivated, to reach my goals. I saw a life-coaching video from Navy Seals who recommend you wake up at 4:30a, to "be all you can be" (mixing Army with Navy!!)

Has dad seen my Retirement Activity Ideas list? I thought I printed a copy, maybe left it on your desk.

Anyway, it's on my blog, and I can print it again. But I think dad should make his own list, before consulting mine.

1.But I know you expressed interest in going to a live stand-up comedy club...

2.And I already mentioned the fact that I learned from Wikipedia, there are 52 museums in SF alone.

(wikipedia has a page listing all the museums in Northern California)

3.i bought a chess set, awhile ago.

Other ideas were Trivia cards, selling stuff on ebay, meetup groups (meetup.com), and the library!:

large print books/audiobooks/music cd's/movie dvd's...SO much!

And, of course, do nothing. Nothing at all. Ha!

Have a great July 4^th. Junie (the dog) is sensitive, so I expect she'll be barking. A great guard dog, though (if small). (I know when the mail has been delivered, for example). She likes me, and there's no sign of her biting me again. I give her treats (I bought a bag of lamb, and Julie gave me another bag, too), and give both of them love and attention. Junie really loves her morning walks. She bounces off the walls, literally. And their yard is really nice. There's a hammock, a trampoline, a picnic table, a bench, and of course the two stray cats they feed (no names), who get along with Giffen (the 3-legged cat). I think I saw a raccoon, though, a couple nights ago. Junie sometimes bullies the cat, so at night I put her in Electra's room and close the door (so the cat can come down the stairs and use the litterbox in the basement at night). Giffen is pronounced Jif'n. like the peanut butter. He sleeps with me on the bed upstairs. And I take out the trash, bring in the mail, and water the (indoor and outdoor) plants. I've been emailing Teresa (the owner) every other day. They're (Johnny, her husband, and Electra, the daughter) in the Bahamas. Teresa was in NY the same time as you guys, I think. She went to Florida, after that, then on to Bahamas. And Erin and Dan (and Esme) were in NY, too (as I'm sure you know). They sent me a nice email with 11 photos.

Sara said I'm invited to go with them on vacation again, in the Fall. She's researching both Cuba and Columbia. It looks like Trump is reversing Obama's Cuba policy, so maybe not that. I'll get to use my Spanish, either way. I actually did today, when I went back home to use my printer to print up my (online) paystubs for my monthly (last-month's) income reporting to SSA that I do at the beginning of each month. That, and the bfp (food pantry), are my monthly routine. The pantry is near my weekday Rilo (yorkie terrier) walk (today's and tomorrow's were cancelled, though). Anyway, I talked to Edgar's nephew, Miguel, (in spanish/en espanol) to ask if he wanted August's rent in advance (I already paid this month's rent/wifi/utilities, because of the Relocation Assistance money, and the SSI resource limit). Edgar wasn't home, though. Claudia is his wife, Victor his dad, Isabel his mom. Sometimes I see Miguel's sister, too. So there's maybe 5 of them in the garage. They put in a bathroom, so the property has "tres banos". There are various crops growing in the yard (like peppers, squash, tomatoes). Still no oven, tho. The guy living in the living room (on the couch, behind a screen) is out now, which I appreciate (I always felt intrusive on my way to the bathroom). Jose is still in the kitchen, lol. You guys are always welcome to come visit me in Berkeley, again.

I'm reading another BAMS (mystery short-stories, best american series). I gave Jim and Vicki one of those, for Xmas. I think they're kind of addictive. I just finished a yoga book (the "8 limbs" of yoga), by a New Yorker, who now has her practice in Santa Monica, which I found interesting. I also found (on the sidewalk, in Oakland) a Bill Bryson book (I recommend anything by him), that I'll lend you (if you want), when I'm done. It's titled 'A short history of nearly everything', an attempt to put Science in everyday language, for the rest of us. Anyway, dad might like big print editions. You can get movies (dvd's) and music (cd's) at the library, too, of course.

Sara said she would give me a (print) subscription to the Economist for my birthday. I cancelled my digital subscription, because it was taking up memory on my phone, and I'm reading other stuff right now. My email gets a daily poem (from the Poetry Foundation), which I like. I also get daily trivia, vocabulary, news (from the NY times, as well as the Washington Post), and notifications from local meetup groups. Meetup.com is great. You can make your own group, if you want. Sara said she recommended me to someone for (dog, i assume) sitting, so I might get an email or phone call.

So this week, I walk Junie daily (for a half hour), I like to start my days with jazz on whrb (harvard radio), go to the library/gym/social security office (all within one block, downtown Berkeley), and go to Kaiser group (which is now on Wednesdays, 10:30a-noon), in Oakland (near Sara, Pierre, and Augustus; he likes to be called "Augie" now). No more free lunches at Kaiser, now. I have a Wednesday lottery (SLP) ticket. Wish me luck! When I'm online, I usually listen to music at the same time. I have the radio (kalx) on now. I think Junie likes it, too. I like college radio. Rilo is at 2p, Wednesday thru Friday. Rilo is 17 minutes away, by bicycle.  I make $16, for the half-hour walk. Sara said she considered applying for Wag! Herself. I consider it paid exercise! I'm walking Fido and Taco tomorrow morning (which is outside wag). A new month! (i get paid in advance, in cash :-) I like to check my blog to see who's visiting (a widget tells me from where), and sometimes I feel like writing a new post. I just wrote about the (schizophrenic) voices, yesterday. There's the Camp Royaneh post, too, which dad might like (read to him?). I also check my Wells Fargo, online, to see if a check has gone through, etc. Maybe I'll buy a sushi burrito, or a subway sandwich (they have oatmeal raisin cookies, too), or a small pizza (veggie from mountain mike's, near Rilo, near the Berkeley adult school). Sara sometimes feels overwhelmed, or in need of a break, so I help her and Pierre with Augustus, which I also enjoy. Her Sur La Table job (tob job!) is near Rilo

STRUCTURE

it's all good. Reality is all the God there ever is. God is love. Make love the reality. Sanity, wellness.

genesis: parents have sex, conceived, life in the womb, birth, youth/childhood: infancy, toddler, potty-training, schooling: kindergarten, pre-school, grammar school, hs, higher education: college (bachelor's degree, master's, doctorate, post-doctorate), lifelong learning! (The list of all books read)... summer camp, boy scouts. work, jobs, careers, employment. Buy a car, purchase a house, raise a family, travel, vacation, retire, be a grandparent, leisure. Political, social activism. Hobbies. Go climb a rock. e.g. scrambling, mountain climbing, rock climbing. Or whatever. Exercise, body-build, eat well. Go to gym, work out. Beat the blues. Emerge into sanity from a long hard slog through mental illness. Achieve personal goals, make progress, check off items on a “bucket list.” Be happy. Grow old, die. Get spiritual, die well. Wave down from heaven. Leave a legacy, fond memories, and a corpus of creativity, art. Be all that you can be. Live, thrive, love, and otherwise v! Victory, vanquishing vampiric individuals and violent victimizers. Replace a thirst for blood with a thirst for water or wine or justice or knowledge or sanity or good lovin'. There's a big difference. Boxing and Wresting and MMA are madness. Nuts. Insanity. Increase the peace. Go with the flow. Live and love. Peace, love, and happiness. Joy, happiness, and bliss. Kittens, puppies, and rainbows. Live in the moment. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift: that's why it's called the present. Ha. Present arms! Two. Let it be. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. Let there be light. Let your light shine. Let the good times roll. Let them eat cake. Lots of letting. Bloody hell, man.

Shadow, sadism, thanatos, schadenfreude- turn to the dark side, Luke.  Try everything once.  Be all you can be.  Like CVS (cthulhu voldemort sauron!), lol.  Or Kaiser (Soze).  The devil.  Satan, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub, Antichrist, a demon, a hellion, a vampire, a criminal, a sinner!! Just do it! says Nike :-)  Get down with your bad self.  Like Mai Lai, or something.  Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out.  Geezus.  Be God.  Be Good.  Just Be.   It's all good, they say.  All right, they also say.  Happiness is a warm gun, the Beatles.  Happy 4th of July.  War is hell.  Go, Warriors.  What a mess, eh?  What a message.

Recent Stupid "voices"

schizophrenic psychosis,
aka telepathy with that dumbass,
David A. Eldridge, attorney

stfu, asshole, dickhead, punk
leave me alone

?
does "insanity" happen for (a) sane reason(s)?

v's
i've given you a fist of my mind
you're basically the only living human on this rock
you know what Jess: I am a sad man
i'm going again
u r the whole ball game, Jess
i'm tired of zoo to funeral
you're in the army
i think you're well
because that's governmin
jesse, i can't define what you are
you're a stone cold doctor
you have an insane program
i hate life to you
i'm fucking wrong, jesse
i'm going to fucking die, jesse
david is in hell
i'm a victim, jess
i fucking hate you, jesse
i need help, jesse
i'm fucking screaming
fucking OW, jesse
david is insane, jesse
fuck you
i cannot breathe
i'm going to hell jesse
i need help
jesus
people are dying
david is insane jesse
ALL RIGHT, jesse
i am the devil, jesse
david is crying again
he is going to kill you
david is scared
david is insanely sad
i hate it
you're getting it impossible again
david swallowing, jesse
i can't FUCK-ing take-it anymore
i can't DEal, jesse
he's crying, jesse
i'm going insane, jesse
yes jesse, that is what you get, that is what you fucking get
david is killing himself, jesse
i hate myself
you deserve a doctor
a doctor of mother fucking WELL
i hate my life
i'm a tard out of my fucking mind
i hate you jesse
i can't FUCK-ing do it
IT. you're about it.
you know what? huh
david swearing out of his mind
david crying his soul
david has gone to hell jesse
i'm sorry jesse
u have an idea what a Hell of a world we r
i'm in prison jesse
people R dead, jesse
david freaking out
i can't i can't..
i can't go on
david is absurd
he's going to kill you
because you're a vampire klesha
i'm going to kill myself jesse
i can't breathe jesse
i really really really need help
i'm on a mission from anyone
i can't take it anymore jesse
david is vomiting, jesse
i need you to come at me with a fucking machete
david is a law to you, jess
he's killing himself, jesse
oww.  fucking unreal what you are
david is crying
i'm a SICK person, jesse
in terror
i am stupid at word, allright?
david giving up, jesse
because u r her property
i really am sick, jesse
david getting stupid
he's going to kill himself
ow, fucking ow
david is the wall, jesse
ICBJ
i'm wasting hist time and mine
david screaming
i need to cry, jesse
i need you and me a weapon
it's tired, jesse
IFCTIA
i'm a rotten individual, jesse
I AM stupid, Jesse
I really really am
people are dead, okay?

-------
lots of repetition

lots of multiple interpretations (e.g. 'i'm going to hell jesse' could be:
   1. i (david) will end up in an unending, tortuous afterlife
   2. i am going to pot
   3. i am going to make jesse's life hell (hell as a verb)

lots of me replying back (e.g. shut up, wtf is your problem, fu...)

david says 'i am a victim'
but i say, it's my head, get the fuck out
i have a right to privacy, to silence, to my own time,
    and to evict anyone unwelcome in my head

lots of math ('my life' is 2,5.   WELL is 7, too)
he says ow, jesus, it, on, zoo...all 2's
    maybe i'll take 2 steps, afterward (but not realize i've been programmed)

cryptic 'a law' or 'allah'?
'swallowing, jesse' or 'swallowing jesse' ?
    (i.e. guilty, or vampiric ingestion) (or both, or neither: something else)