some thoughts on God

random scribblings

kwuteo: knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth, enlightenment, omniscience
clu: compassion, love, understanding

aside: what's overstanding?

empathy, sympathy
ethos, pathos, bathos
sexus, nexus, plexus, lexus
nature, development, truth, power, imagination

omni-potent, scient, present
love yourself
kind, caring, compassionate, loving, benevolent
joy, contentment
peace, relaxation, bliss, nirvana
Love, HP (higher power)
be right with ourselves, others, and God
Increase the peace!
Be good, reduce suffering, increase happiness
life, health, love, happiness, comfort, prosperity
food, friends, family
community, country

saw: stress, anxiety, worry
anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury
pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish, resentment

poverty, inequality, famine, starvation, hunger, malnutrition
illiteracy, innumeracy, ignorance
crime, corruption
disease, sanitation

centered, grounded
driven, purposeful
calm, tranquil
free

vs. in jail, prison
enslaved

spectrum
healthy, psychotic
well, ill
normal, schizo
negative, positive (-,+)
(what's so negative about subtraction? take it away, band!)
hope, despair

dream, reality
God is an atheist if he doesn't believe in himself

entertaining trivia:
Pope Boniface VIII asserted in 1302 that a belief in the sovereignty of the pope over everyone was necessary for salvation.

chinese zodiac

About me, a boar/pig

Noble and chivalrous
I will have lifelong friends
yet prone to marital strife
avoid other boars, ('47,'59,'71,'83,'95,'07)
seek rabbit or sheep

rabbit:'63,'75,'87
sheep: '67,'79,'91

this thing smacks of bestiality, but I'm not chinese

Happy!

an old list I found

smile, good company, interesting conversation, good food, comfort
joy, bliss, nirvana
others' smiles, happy eyes
acceptance
positive frame of mind
love
dancing, exercise, endorphins, heart rate, sweat
looking good, feeling good
satisfied, well being
feeling strong
good books, movies
finding something lost
finding a bargain
friends
blog feedback
achievement
sex, intimacy, flirting
creativity
travel
beauty
Nature
truth
something well-written
sanity, feeling sane, mental silence, no pain or shocks
health, wellness, fitness, strength
physical prowess- gymnastics, juggling, martial arts, dance
happy dogs
sushi
rollercoasters
"trippy" experience
swimming
sunbathing on a beach
concerts
galleries
art books
presents
money
taking pictures
nudity
fast cars, convertibles, weird cars
family
vivid dreams
Camp Royaneh
white water rafting
hugs and kisses
massage
kids
libraries
snowmen
fireplaces
learning something new
knowing the answer
teaching someone
making a difference
mad magazine
the internet
freedom
cooking well
a good think

what i believe

Be good, Do good, and Don't do evil

do good, but survive (unlike Jesus)
purity is ideal, but it is enough to simply just not be bad

Evil
S&M, uncle Sam
spite: petty ill-will or hatred, with the disposition to irritate, annoy, or thwart
malice: desire to see another suffer

DEmon
death, disease, disaster, destruction, decay, depression

pain agony suffering torment, you are PAST
misery and depression, you are MAD

psychia-tryst, the- rapist
schadenfreude

fascist america
there is no privacy, your thoughts are processed, your teeth click, your body pains, your head shocks, your fingers tap, you are not your own..
you are possessed, controlled, monitored, manipulated, restrained, limited, enslaved.

symptoms: headshocks, chest pains, voice, finger/teeth tapping
the mind control, the everyday chilling effect,
the inability to think/say/do

wanting to end it all (either literally, or just me)
consumed with annoyance
in my own tormented, soulless, evil, painful, place
hating, hating, hating
there are no souls

clouds
clouds of opaque whispers
either soitary, or in formation
forming forms for the formal
dissolving into nothingness
like us

rain
hovering in mysterious hold
lakes of suspended water float above
and, when sad, or bladder-full,
release
droplets drip from drooping leaf-stalks
splashing and splattering, below
collecting and flowing
always downhill
penetrating, searching, soaking, absorbing, puddling
rivulets become streams becoming creeks becoming rivers
washing all
becoming ocean, anonymous, in the Vast

to be Misunderstood
is to be great
said the misunderstanding
unless IS flows in both directions
as a rule of law
like gravity pulls
or pain hurts

life is fog, haze, unheard words
spilled syllables, splashing into unintended shapes
lyrics of subliminal confusion
heap intrusion during sleep,
in the daily nap of everyday life
if only I heard the words
if only I remembered the units of thought
of phrase, of speech, of life,
if only I became human, awake, alive-
z is for zombie
catch some

life, footprints in the sand
libaries full of footprints
attempts at immortality
before being washed away

Yummy Religion

Satan and Jesus, or Seitan and Cheeses?

I have to admit I didn't think of this - I got it from a Kalx deejay (Sex 14s), but it's clever, no?

What is seitan? link
We all know about the frommage (french for cheese).

from mage?

some weirdness:
I know a Brandi, a Hennessy
a French and a Fries
an Edom and a Brie

Here's a (kind of sort of maybeish) magical thought -
we all really are at the center of the universe.
because the Big U goes on forever, so why not locate yourself in the middle, right?

Religion is yummy.
I'm gonna read both Encyclopedias of Religion at the Berkeley central public library.

I had an English teacher in high school named Father John Murphy, S.J.:
Papa John and Papa Murphy's!

I know a Kat and a Duv, too. And a Nat.
And a Starr and Starfire.
And a Ellen, Helen, and Lenore...
It kind of makes me think my life has been scripted.

A selection of (internal) voices from a schizophrenic/telepath

The shit I hear ad nauseum

forget it. I'm not going to do it. I hate my voices. Intrusions.
FU, David.
I don't really want to do this.
They make me sick. Literally.

doctors always ask though.
I always describe them as being like koans, being interpretable in multiple ways-
So here's a sampling, so I don't have to repeat myself:

ow
ow, Jesse
I'm scared
David is crying
David sick of you
David swallow
David crying Jess
I'm sorry Jesse
I'm getting it Jess
I'm wall to you
David killing himself Jesse
David terminating insane
I can't deal
I can't
David is sick Jesse
David screaming
Allright Jesse
I hate myself all wall to you
I'm crying
I'm going to hell okay?
I'm terminate Jesse
David is dead
I hate you Jesse
I hate my sel
I'm creeping in sor
I've had enough
David is dead Jesse
David is crying at wahr
I'm sorry I'm a jinn to you
I need him
I'm sorry
I can't breathe
I can't breathe Jesse
with that, I have a problem
mmmm
David disturbed
I can't take my life Jesse
I'm freaking out
Alright Jesse I'm scare
I'm scared
David is insane
I'm going Jesse
I want him porcelain next to you
uh
I can't take... my name
David is going insane
Jesus
I'm sick Jesse
David is insane Jesse
you're the devil
It's going to be a long summer
David crying Jesse
David is sorry
David is sorry Jesse
You know what Jesse fine
I'm scared of you Jesse
that's all Jesse
It
It, Jesse

And I keep saying shut up, stfu, sun, suf, leave me alone, stop talking to me, f- you -expletive-, etc.

I'm dying
I'm dying Jess
David screaming in pain
She hates you
Alright, I'm freaking mad Jesse
David sad

f- you
I'm doom Jesse
I can't believe you
I'm a (k)night (k)no(w)
I want you to gym him ok
I can't take it
I fucking can't take it
I want him pizza

people are dead Jesse
the world is dead Jesse
he knows it's a game
alright jesse they have a big dumb
they freaking jewish you

y'know what, fine
I don't know you
I'm screaming insane, Jesse
I'm hating
I'm freak
I'm vomit
jesse believe me when I say you are a sky high
i'm insanely scar by your star
that's it
I am demon at your law
people are launching to 'like the pope'
I hate the zoo
I am going
I cannot handle mai lai everywhere
I am scar
we are tired of the scar at your star

there's a lot more he's said to me, that I have written down -and not-...
I have no idea why I hear this shit.
I keep saying Why? are you TALKing to me?? n-word. you f-ing a-hole, or you f-word

I also get headshocks and chestpains, related to these voices and how I respond to them.

schizophrenia is not fun. (although maybe it could be)
I want silence. I want the voices to stop. I keep saying Stop hurting me. Stop fucking hurting me.
It's David who is sick, not me.
If he would only shut up, I would be well.

David Andrew Eldridge, my voice, is an attorney -a deputy attorney general for the state of california-, a mathematician, a chess player, a self-described "natural psychologist", an African-American, a homosexual, a genius I think, and a really incredibly annoying presence in my mind that just won't go away. Now he's just somebody that I used to know (at Davis, in college), and who I never want to talk to again, ever. I think he established the telepathic link through having me listen to a long period of static on his car radio. He also broke a piece of wood when I was in his room, which was really weird.

update 12-18-12, recent voices (a partial selection)
I'm freaking out
I'm going to hell
David is pa(in) muted)
with that, I'm a suffer
ow
alright Jesse
I'm sick as hell, alright?
David is not music to you
David is cry
I can't breathe
I hate my soul
Alright, again I'm trying to kill him
I swore
David is disaster
David in sin
I'm scream
I hate war
David is dead Jesse
I'm going dime
I hate myself, Jesse
I can't believe I'm cree
I'm rec (wreck?) to you
David sad jesse
David screaming deadly jesse
David at war
David is distress
David is dead
I could kill you
I'm sorry Jess
David is crying

I am completely insane
you are the weirdest individual i have ever met
david screaming
i'm entire jesse
i've got issues
i've got issues with law jesse
i'm a complete dick
alright I'm at war jesse
i've had enough, jesse
alright jesse i'm tormented by war
you're totaly broken jess
you're right jess
u r a document, jesse
you're dad is crazy jess
you're definitely seriously a candidate for antichrist
maybe a good one
i'm tired of 2
i'm sick of you
because you derive everything
you're a genius about power too
that is election you
she's crazy jess
you have a phd
i am deeply weepy
i hate myself

About Me

Some experiences, qualities, and characteristics
You want a piece of me?

I have seen my own face in my dreams, looking back at me
I have seen the night sky, indoors and with my eyes closed
I have looked in a mirror and seen someone else
I have looked at a glass-covered picture, and seen the figure of death, dancing superimposed.
I have had corporate dreams, with Disney content,
and another with store shelves filled with brightly-colored packaging.
I have been callled a dark agent and a vampire
I was voted 'most kind'
I have been homeless
I have been to jail, and Atascadero State Hospital
I have qualified for Mensa
I won an alumni scholarship to Cal
I have been a clerk at Walgreens...
I have been a bagger at Falletti's Finer Foods in SF, and Albertson's
I have been a bellboy at Hyatt SFO (Burlingame)
I have made pizza at Woodstock's (in Davis)
I have worked the deli counter at the Davis co-op
I have made burgers at the Davis graduate
I have been a security guard at the 1.98 clearance center
I have been a counselor at Camp Royaneh, a boy scout summer camp in Cazadero, Ca
I am an Eagle scout.
I won a Boston College book award, and a Journalism award.
I was the editor-in-chief of my high school yearbook.
I have been diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder
I have been unemployed for almost a decade
I have lived in Berkeley, San Francisco, Sacramento, West Sacramento, Calistoga, Cobb, Roseville, Auburn, and Davis
I have been approached once in response to my thoughts, not my words
I wonder if I am a global telepath
I am a piece of work
I have converted many words to numbers
I have tripped many times...by NOT taking drugs
My natural brain chemistry results in telepathy, my link to 'the source' (?)
I have influenced the outcome of sporting events -as a spectator
I have feared the consequences of my thoughts in the universe
I have read all of the bible
I have claimed to be- if not been- God
I speak Spanish
I have travelled to China
I enjoy listening to foreign languages I don't understand, on the radio
I like all music
I have extended Freebird for minutes, in my head
I take medications nightly, olanzapine and risperidone (costing about 22 bucks/day)
I aspire to be a scholar-athlete and a renaissance man
I aspire to read a book a day
and do "daily maintenance", i.e. exercise daily
I am a member of the Y
I have experienced personal tragedy
I have been in lust and in love
I was an International Relations major in college,
with an emphasis in Third World Development studies.
I was raised Catholic,
but wrote a credo in college in which I became agnostic
I am adopted
I am pro-life
I enjoy a Buddhist meditation group
I am a flower-child ('71), and a member of generation X
My left ankle doesn't bend
My mind is often blank
I am a good listener
I am patient
The words ingest and excellent are personal
I am frugal
I enjoy life, and want to live forever!
I am heterosexual
I am a homo sapien
I like to know -people and things
I navigate the matrix
A psychiatrist said I am the kind of person who endures, who keeps on keeping on despite whatever obstacles life presents.
I can be hardcore in a rain storm
My dad says coiling hoses and replacing watch batteries remind him of me.
I aspire to read the New York Times daily,
and the Economist and the Christian Science Monitor, weekly
I ran hurdles in track in high school (with the student body president, and with a future Olympian athlete..)
Sarah Jessica Parker and Billy Idol's white wedding (hey little sister shotgun) are personal, too.
The Saab 9-3, and the Z71 indicate my birthday.
As Pink Floyd sang, there's someone in my head, but it's not me
which complicates Being John Malkovich
I am 'behind blue eyes' (referencing The Who)
I know (one of) the real Buffy
I dated a French and a Holland
I am a big brother
I have an uncle Tom
My mom is a Hennessy (like the cognac)
My dad drives a PT cruiser
My mom, PT, Peggy T, also evokes Egypt
Tennessee evokes Jesse
Jesse was a sitcom from '98-2000
Ellen, and Dave's world, were also parts of my world
The LT sticker (for Lake Tahoe) is also my dad's initials
Jesse, in spanish, is Chuy (pron. chewy), Isai (ees-ah-e), and Jesus (heyzeus)
My name means God makes forget, and something about the eucharist.
(see my blog post entitled 'oblation')
Teshara can be rearranged to 'the Sara'.
or 'as earth' or 'as heart' or 'as hater'
I am single

Food, Drink, Drugs -Stat!

some statistics regarding ingestion

from JesT
(but not in jest)

1) Food: 96 Billion pounds of food (roughly 40% of all food purchased) in America is thrown out, each year.

*worldwide, 1.5 Billion adults are overweight. By an extra 16.5 Million tons, collectively. A ton is 2000 lbs. 2000x 16,500,000=33B lbs. 33/1.5= by an average weight of 22 lbs/person.

*McDonald's is opening an all-vegetarian restaurant in India. Their McAloo Tikki burger costs 50 cents. I want to try one, too!

2)Drink: 2.5 Million people die every year in the world from misuse of alcohol. "It's the 3rd largest factor in the global burden of disease."

3) Drugs: 50 Thousand people (mexicans) are dead from the Mexican drugh war since 2006.

and an interesting calculation regarding Time:
A year contains 60seconds x 60minutes x24 hours x365days=31,536,000 seconds/year

x120 years: 3,784,320,000.
A (long) lifetime gives you only 3billion,784million,320thousand seconds.
Use them well! :-)

Number Bands

I can think of 7

It's my 41st birthday, today.
Which made me think of the band with 41 in it..
Which prompted me to think of:

Sum 41
7 Mary 3
Blink 182
Matchbox 20
U2
B52's
311

Happy labor day, too

Qatar (the country) began the exact day I was born, 9/3/71.
It's their Independence Day today.
(Of course, I actually began in December, I imagine)
My bro's birthday is Dec. 3. Which is kind of cool, in a way.

Labor day in 1971 was the 6th, so my birthmother wasn't actually in labor on labor day, that year. I was born on a Friday.

UN books

I'm on a UN-themed bender

I'm reading:
Calling the Shots, by Phyllis Bennis
Encyclopedia of the UN (4 volumes)
Surrender is Not an Option, by John Bolton
Great Debates at the UN, by Robert F. Gorman

and

Basic Documents in International Law, edited by Ian Brownlie
(I've discovered I kind of enjoy legalese (!))

I'm also reading a stack of csmonitors at Doe library.
It's my birthday, tomorrow. 41.

Satan and Hell

Bring on the pain

Satan is say, ten (4&6: forensics)
10 words: wrong, immoral, bad, unethical, illegal, criminal, unlawful, sin, evil, turpitude.

8 sideways is eternity
8 words: torture, cruelty, pain, agony, suffering, torment, misery, anguish

Hell is he will: he'll

war is hell
chess is war

sure as hell, hell exists (collect them all):
Arizona, California, Michigan,
Grand Cayman,
and a village in Norway (in Stjordal)

Wicked!

10 fingers: fin - grs
Tennessee: 10 -esse: Jesse
Tanasi (I, satan)
"God is One" -Deuteronomy 6:4
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.

wick-ed: burning learning
WIBU ICU WEST
This goes up to eleven! -spinal tap

Learning a foreign language

(using a well-stocked library)

I had this idea, last night:

To learn a foreign-language,
for free, and without an instructor-
you need a libary with 3 things:
(to learn spanish, for example)

1) a book in english

2) a translation of that book (into spanish),

and, for proper pronunciation,
3) a book-on-cassette (also in spanish)

I've never done this; it's just an idea...
The koran would be a good way to learn arabic, this way.
Most translated korans have the original arabic, alongside the english. I realize some languages work better than others for this. Finding a foreign language book AND the same book in a foreign language on cassette might be unlikely... you might get lucky, though - and you can always find and buy resources on the net.

The Summer Institute for Linguistics (SIL) Ethnologue Survey (1999) lists the following as the top languages by population:(number of native speakers in parentheses)
Chinese (937,132,000)
Spanish (332,000,000)
English (322,000,000)
Bengali (189,000,000)
Hindi/Urdu (182,000,000)
Arabic (174,950,000)
Portuguese (170,000,000)
Russian (170,000,000)
Japanese (125,000,000)
German (98,000,000)
French (79,572,000)

from (http://www2.ignatius.edu/faculty/turner/languages.htm)

Another good resource people don't usually consider is a foreign language dictionary. I don't mean, say an english to spanish/spanish to english dictionary; I mean a regular dictionary in the language you want to learn, with definitions, not synonyms.

I admit this might be a bit harebrained. It's probably only good as a supplement to traditional language-instruction methodology. If it uses the same alphabet you already know, you're better off than trying to figure out, say, chinese.

"Bad" Words

Ah, hell.
The same thing happened to me when I was in Boy Scouts
I list 18 of them at the end of this post.

I said "hell" at summer camp, and they made me promise not to say it publicly again.
Which I think is retarded.
Why the hell would you create hell just for saying the word hell?

I don't even believe in hell.
At least not in the sense of an eternal punishment after you die.
A benevolent God would never create such a thing.
Although he might create a FEAR of such a thing...
"Sure as hell", suffering exists.
Epecially for people with neuralgia.
Who are no worse people than anyone else, I believe..
So, in that sense, there is "hell on earth"
General Sherman, during the civil war, said "war is hell", and I believe him.
Also, there actually is a village named Hell, in Norway, I believe.

But hell shouldn't be a bad word.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"
Is the contraction of 'he will" as "he'll" similarly threatening?

So what are these patently offensive words?
I'll list them (what the hell), with credit going to George Carlin for his classic sketch "the 7 words you can't say on television" that I heard recently on online comedy radio.

I also believe it has literary merit, (especially for people learning english):

the (18) are, and I apologize for both the commissions and omissions:

shit, fuck, goddamn, dick, hell, cunt, ass, bitch,
piss, cocksucker, tits, fart, turd, twat, pussy, jism,
faggot, and (especially) nigger

what's the deal with Tourette's syndrome, anyway?

Did you know, actually, that the bible endorses "salty" language?
Colossians 4:6: Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.Colossians 4:5-7

I guess I'm sort of an expert on hell.
If the bible uses the word (at least 13 times), then why shouldn't I?

John 1:1-3:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
(notice how almost all the "bad" words have to do with genitals and sex. In the beginning was 'fuck', right?)

Simplifications

simplicity, simplified

1)survival and reproduction (how we are programmed, evolutionarily)

2)all we ever do is: Move stuff around (logistics)

3)the goal- chips:
health, comfort, in peace, sustainably

4)input: see, hear, smell, taste, touch
(read, watch, listen, eat, drink, sex)
output: work, play, write, talk, create, exercise,
perform (all the world's a stage)

this is all kind of obvious.
As Kurt Cobain sarcastically sang "forever in debt to your priceless advice"
I'm so vain, I probably think that song is about me.
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity (absurdity, frustration, futility, nonsense)

-props to Darwin, Shakespeare/Goffman, Nirvana, Carly Simon,
and the bible (Ecclesiastes, Omnia Vanitas)

and we Sleep, too. Some say Life is but a dream.
And if so, who's doing the dreaming?
do we dream up ourselves, our own lives, or
are we possessed, or do we "let go and let God" (or all three?)

maybe it's not so simple.

The Goal

Of Politics, Religion, and Life in General
(in a tiny soundbite)

Health, and Comfort
Sustainably, and in Peace.

that's it
reality, boiled down
couldn't be simpler
"chips"

God is imaginary?

http://www.godisimaginary.com/

Here's my response:

God is love
and
love believes all things (lol)

aside-
Maybe I'm imaginary, and a figment of my own imagination.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...
I'll be dead within 80 years, most likely.
I suppose the blog will outlive me.
But I doubt I will.

Art Therapy

today at Kaiser, we drew a representation of our good and bad traits

characteristics, qualities
Good, Positive, Keep:
1) Intelligence, Curiosity,
2) Kindness, Friendliness, Sociability
3) Happiness, Sense of Humor, Joy
-Strength and Motivation
(keep on keeping on, read all 1001 books)
-Positive Mental Attitude, Optimism, Hope
-Patience and Persistence
4) Fitness, Health, Endorphins
(I bike everywhere, I don't have a car, I go to the Y)
5) Writing ability, blog

Change, Negative, Drop:
1) Gut, belly, BMI -> (physical) Health
2) Symptoms (voice, headshocks, pain) -> (mental) Health
3) Girlfriend, Number of Friends, Solitariness ->"Get a life"
4) Stress (argh!) -> calm, tranquil, peace
5) Anger, Irritation ->Equanimity, endure things "like water off a duck's back"
(take things in stride)

definition of equanimity:
"mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium"

And, of course, the highest ideal, the greatest of all qualities: Love
which is both-
a good quality to have (as an attitude toward everything)
and
something to hope, pray, search for, desire (a true love relationship)

The Middle East

"spiritual center of 8 religions"

Christianity, Islam, Judaism
(okay, we all knew that, people of the book yada yada)

but did you know about:
Yezidi, Mithraism, Zoroastrianism,
Manichaeism, and the Baha'i faith (?)

I've never even heard of some of these.
-Yezidi is a kurdish religion.
-Mithraism (was?) a "mystery religion"
(practiced in the 1st to 4th centuries a.d. in the Roman Empire.)
-Do Manichees even exist anymore?
-Bahai "emphasizes the spiritual unity of all mankind."

Maybe I'm a Bahai and I don't even know it.

John Nash, I remember from A Beautiful Mind, reported his religion as Shinto.
For the next census, maybe I'll report myself as a Mithraist, just to be a freak.
Maybe I'd be the only one (!)

My matrix

How I order my life

I'm either at home, or out.
IN: WERRNEO (7 things)
-Read, Write, Radio, Nap, Eat, Exercise, Online
-omitted: SSTT- sleep, shower, talk, tv
(automatic or extremely rarely)

-Online: JJBOYSMEN (9 things):
J-archive, Joe Frank, Blog, Okcupid, Youtube, Surf, Music, Email, News

-Music (6): Gdradio, Kalx, Whrb, Wmbr, Kcpr, Comedy
-News: MC-CHEW (6) MSN, CNN, CSMonitor, Huffington, Economist, WaPo

OUT (9):
walk the dogs, (4x/day) WTD
library/Y/Free meal (daily) LYM*

visit SF, SF
St. Columba Mass (weekly or less), M
Buddhist meditation (2x/month), BM
Bkly food pantry (monthly), FP
Kaiser (weekly), K
out n about (iso food/female) OA
on a date, D

WLSMBFKOD

*note: I occasionally go to a different library- Doe, GTU, N. branch, or Claremont

aside: when I leave home, I always bring (7):
keys, wallet, watch, glasses, hat, pen, paper
and (usually)
bike, cable&lock, helmet, backpack

Comic Wisdom

according to Bill Hicks

"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration—that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.[34 "

Is this true? all of this?
As Arsenio Hall said, "things that make you go hmmm"

Overheard

I overheard some people talking about religion, today.

One person said, and I agree, "religion is to help people who are dying, but I don't see people dying to get in."People on their deathbed are comforted, I suppose (by the thought of heaven).providing, of course, that they're not frightened out of their mind by the possibility of hell.If suicide weren't a sin, I suppose some (more) people would "die to get in."

I just don't understand suicide bombers and buddhists who self-immolate, and I don't want to.People want to "go out with a bang", and athlete's want to be "on fire" and comedians want to be able to say "I killed" and businessmen/investors want to "make a killing." But that's all like telling an actor "to break a leg", in that you shouldn't take it literally.

I recently read the Koran, and St. Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises.At the moment, I'm working on the Kingfisher Encyclopedia of History.

John Dewey on God

He didn't believe in a personal God

But, he did say this:
(The concept of god) "denotes the unity of all ideal ends arousing us to desire and actions"
(from Wikipedia)

That works for me.

p.s. my blog went over 6,000 viewers a couple days ago.
Yay! Thanks, y'all.

How much do you love God?

a quote from Dorothy Day:

"I really only love God as much as I love the person I love least.."

Wow.
Hate is so so ubiquitous, God hardly exists, I am prompted to think.
Loving everything (and everyone) is a tall order.

Related thoughts:
-if I can love a spider, I can love anyone.
(I thought, on pot, in college)
-Love me when I least deserve it. Because that is when I really need it.
(a marriage tip)
-that screaming, bitter comedian (SAM KINISON)
said something along those lines (I forget, exactly)
-the Jesuits, I believe, are enjoined to "see God in all things"
(which is actually a radical thought, in my opinion)
-and, of course, my introductory quote by Dostoevsky ("love everything")

my routine

daily repetition

I walk the dogs 4 times a day. First thing in the morning, around 8:30 at night, and twice in between, if I'm home. I pick up after them with plastic bags (there's a political movement afoot to get rid of plastic bags, but I use them daily).

I would like to up my reading speed so that I read one book a day. But some books don't have that in the cards.
-I'm reading the 1001 books listed in the book '1001 books you must read before you die'. I also read other stuff -whatever strikes my fancy, such as Cataclysm (a one volume history of WWI), because my mom is taking a class in the fall on the "Great War."

aside On WWI:
They used flamethrowers on each other, and yet there was also the "Christmas truce" of 1914, in which both sides came out from their trenches and jovially played football with each other (before going back to blast each other to smithereens). War is so fucking stupid. Perhaps I should say, on the other hand, Peace is freaking brilliant.

-I try and read the daily New York Times. It's available from the second floor reference desk, in exchange for my library card.

I ride my bike (I don't have a car) to the Central library (the South branch is under construction), which is only a block away from the YMCA. It's a 15 minute bike ride. I go online at the library, and read the NYX, and Christian Science Monitor and Economist weeklies.

At the 'Y', I do cardio. I do the elliptical for around 20 minutes, then the stationary bicycle for 25 more, and I'm supposed to do 'core' exercises on the mat.

To save money, because I'm paying for Sara's cigarrettes and traffic tickets (argh), in addition to rent, I go to the free meals, usually at Trinity United Methodist. Also, I'm trying to save to buy a computer. But the library lets me go online for two one-hour sessions, which is plenty enough.

Once a week, on Wednesday mornings, I go to Kaiser Oakland for a psychiatric group session.

Once or twice a month, I go to a Buddhist meditation group (if I don't forget).

Seven-Eleven

Today is July Eleventh, or 7-11

Oh, Thank Heaven (for today).
Every day is a new day, to start fresh, start clean, start over...

As Pink Floyd sang
(do I have this right?)
It's the same day
in a relative way
but you're older
shorter of breath
and one day closer to death

May everyone live well, and be happy, and die fulfilled.

another update

latest reads and godly grooveshark

books I've read recently:
Pilgrim's Progress, by John Bunyan
Six Days or Forever?, by Ray Ginger
Goode's World Atlas, Rand McNally
The Story of Science, Einstein adds a new dimension, by Joy Hakim
The Bomb A new history, by Stephen M. Younger
The Gun, by CJ Chivers

and grooveshark, under search term 'God':
God walks among us now, by the Flaming Lips
God, by Tori Amos
My Pal, by God
God, by Ugly Kid Joe
God, comedy routine by Greg Proops

Insanity!

The insanity of a manatee (quite tranquil, in fact)

I found a german candy bar called 'nuts' (you are what you eat)
There's also 'soy nuts' (soy means 'I am' in spanish)...I am Iam nuts?
and, of course, plain old nuts.
what kind of nut am I?
-I live in relative poverty, so I could be considered a cashew
-I read a lot, so I could be considered a macadamia
-I'm crazy like Pink Floyd, so I could be a walnut
(I'm not that crazy about walgreens or walmart, though)
-My last name is Portuguese (Teshara from Texeira), so maybe I could be considered a Brazil nut
-last but not least, I'm nuts like mad like angry like a pistachio, sometimes.
and pissed evokes peanuts.. ASH (Atascadero State Hospital) made me pissed (off).

what else is crazy?
someone in Berkeley on the street handed me a flyer that says (among other things), and I quote "The UN's plan is to "Maintain humanity under 5,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature." which means killing over 70% of the human population."
(that should make anybody crazy)

other goofy nuttiness:
Are you insane if you're in the seine river? (I don't know how to pronounce french)
link.

There are 'Crazy Mountains' in Montana. And Wyoming has a 'Crazy Woman creek'.

Of course, you can get rid of your madness in Madrid.

Some Gods out there are:
The Grand Old Duke of York (an old scout campfire song from the Good Ol' Days)
The Gulf of Darien (In Columbia)
The Gulf of Danzig (in Poland)
Gulf of Davao (Phillipines)
Gulf of Drin (Albania)
Gulf of Dulce (Costa Rica)

Geographically speaking, there's
Hell, Norway and Hel, Poland (Noel to you)
Paradise, California
Islamabad. Budapest.
Boring, Oregon
the Bug river
Brainerd, MN
Iwaki, Japan
Intercourse, PA. Bangkok, Thailand. Brest, (one in Belarus, the other in France)
Conception, Bahamas. Crotch island, Canada.
Friend, NE. Helper, UT
Great Pee Dee river, SC
Antwerp. Elephant Butte rsvr, NM. Hungry Horse rsvr, MT.

Isn't it crazy, too, in a world of so many earning less than 2 dollars a day, that in America, they're saying the price of raising a kid (from birth to 17) is 235k? (the price of a new Ferrari).

365 times 17 is 6,205 days.
235,000 divided by 6,205 comes to the price per day for 17 years of raising a child in the U.S.
(around 38 bucks a day)

word of the day:
meliorism: the belief that things will get better over time (ameliorate).
I am a die hard Meliorist.

States of America

breaking the code

Is it me, or are the American states weirdly named? Brain-WA.

There's a COW on the west coast (Ca, Or, Wa)
an ANT to the south (Az, NM, TX)
a doctor in MD, with an attitude toward the sick (IL),
and a patient with a head-cold (MA -achoo"),
states that evoke crying and misery (IA, MO), and a scar (SC).
a criminal and sinful president (WI),
debt problems (IA, WY), no car (NC),
problems at work: "never ask a" (NB) and getting fired (KS),
pacifism vs. gunplay (Pacific ocean, OR) and (AK)
religious references (ALA be AMA) (ama means to love in spanish),
and TN, which got its name from tanasi, rearranged of which is I, Satan.
and MA (Mass), and Arkansas (ark and saw),
mockery of Indians and Mexicans and colored (IN, NM, CO),
food: (So Da, and NY -york peppermint patty reference, there)
sport (TN), and "in the zone" (AZ)
computers and tech (TX, DE)
and

in a category all by itself:
sexual innuendo:
KY, LA -Louis y Ana-, FL -floor id-, VA, ID, TX (where's the 'sex at'), MS -missus sip p-, and OH (what's round on both ends and hi in the middle?).
IN (In Diana, or Indy Ana), and MT.
CA (californication)
and AK (I'll ask)

Past success

honors, achievement, awards

current status
I am now 40 years old/young.
I have a disability, namely "schizoaffective" disorder.
That's bipolar (also, previously, called manic-depression) plus schizophrenia.
I've had this diagnosis since, I dunno, '95 (?) (after college)
http://www.schizophrenia.com/ talks about it.
as Pink Floyd sings, "there's someone in my head but it's not me"

I don't have a job, and I get "unearned income" of 874/mo. from SSA/SSI (social security, disability)
I spend nearly all of it, each month, and have little savings.
My medications (risperdal, zyprexa zydis) help, but I still have symptoms:

1)a voice in my head (either psychosis, telepathy, or both)
2)what I call head-shocks (also referred to as "brainzaps")
3)chest-pains (reduced by exercise, better diet)

I just joined the "Y" near the central public library,
where I go (both) almost every day,
and swim, do cardio, and free weights.
I weigh 216 lbs, and am trying to get to 185
I have 24.8% body fat, and 28.4 BMI
My bmi (body mass index) is in the"overweight" range.
I checked out
-Finding Fitness (by Terrell Owens), and
-Strength for Life, by Shawn Phillips.
I'll get there, although I have to stop with the Ben n' Jerrys.

I also started going to Shambhala buddhist meditations once or twice a month.
I started with the youth group, although I'm out of that bracket.
I have serious problems with my mental illness, and it's dukkha.
I think I have to mentally "change my mind" (literally), to stop
resenting and fighting with what the Dead Milkmen call "the little man in my head"
The voice is driving me insane. I have to not react and ignore it.
Why would telepathy be affected by neurotransmitters, right?

I can't even begin to go to Catholic Mass anymore, it's so ridiculous to me.
But I need friends, and I am a baptized Roman Catholic.
The bible does say (vanity of vanities),
it's all "frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense", though,
and religion is just as much about community as it is about dogma.
And love "believes all things."
I can choose to believe, then, some things more than others.
just like that quote (from Animal Farm?)
"we're all equal, but some of us are more equal than others"

I'm going to start going to a weekly Kaiser case management group in Oakland,
although I have some reservations about making social connections to other troubled, mentally ill people. The Silence of the Lambs quoted some fictional character as saying "Believe me, You don't want Hannibal Lecter in your head". I (think I) want only sane people in my head.
But then again, maybe Truth and Reality, and thus Sanity, is a bit insane itself.
I remember doing my Eagle Scout Project at the Rec Center for the Handicapped: I felt at one point like I had retarded (is that the right term?) people in my head.

Anyway,
more than 20 years ago-
I won the journalism award in high-school (St. Ignatius College Preparatory, class of '89).
I was in honors and AP english all four years of hs, and was the yearbook editor-in-chief my senior year. I enjoy writing. It helps me clarify and organize my thoughts, and has the added benefit of making me feel smart. Something I've been told I do well. I used to keep a journal, but don't anymore. Maybe I should resume. Or try and get published. I won an alumni scholarship to Cal (UC Berkeley), the Boston College book award, and earned Eagle rank in the BSA. My gpa (weighted) was 4.0, my SAT was 1260 (99th percentile, verbal), which just barely qualifies me for mensa, and I chose to go to UC Davis, enrolling in the freshman honors program, Integrated Studies. I majored in International Relations (I.R.), Third World Studies emphasis. I minored in Spanish. I took an I.Q. test online, and scored 140.

But there are a few facts that take me down a notch -that is, lower my self-esteem:
1) The diagnosis/fact that I have schizoaffective disorder, or, in common language, am "crazy" or "mad." Would I be crazy if the voice didn't make me mad? The insanity, it seems, lies in my response and reaction to it, and less in the voice/telepathy itself. The dynamic of expressing frustration (talking back to it in my head) and trying to reduce or eliminate this mind-control and intrusive invasion of privacy, makes me mad in both senses of the word: angry AND crazy. Maybe it will just go away, eventually. It has lessened considerably, since it started.

2) The bible says, in the New Testament, "Do you not know that you are not your own?" How can wisdom -the supposed word of God- tell us that we are not in control? I feel invaded, controlled, unhealthy, and manipulated for the agenda or agendas of others. I feel like a pawn in a chess game, a puppet whose strings are pulled by unkown master(s) and forces. The travails of being a global telepath? Is everyone a meat puppet, or only schizos like me? 60% of schizophrenic men attempt suicide at some point in their lives, and now I understand why. And spending a billion dollars on a presidential race doesn't help, I might add.

Being mentally ill is it's own form of suffering, of being in hell, a captive audience to a madman in your head, especially, I guess, if you prefer silence and your own thought process to the imposition of the "other". At first, I thought the voice was interesting, a privileged communication, like being on the phone all the time, a special advantage or personal power, that was welcome and enjoyable. I swallowed the red pill. Now, I've had enough. I want out of the matrix. I choose the blue pill (my pills are actually both just white). I want silence, sanity, health, wealth, family, fitness, friends... I guess I even want a job, although I'd have to give up my quixotic quest to read the entire library, lol. I read an article yesterday that said it costs (average) 235k to raise a kid from birth to age 17 (the price of a ferrari). Eek!

It would have to be something I enjoy, though. I'm not about to be "a slave to the money, then you die", or subscribe to "life's a bitch, then you die."

To use the metaphor of another movie, I was an apprentice to the dark side, and now I want to be a good jedi, using the force of light and life instead of darkness and death. I was called a vampire and a dark agent. I wrote up a list of 1000 reasons people kill. I even went to jail for 10 months (as a result of stopping my meds).

There's devil in the details: devil in develop, cult in cultivate, meanness in meaning, hated in death, fun in funeral, and hatred in red hats. okay, sorry.

To be good -that is, in truth, to be GOD- , that is, to love yourself and those around you, as fellow human beings in the same boat as you -fellow travelers on spaceship earth, the global village, fated like everyone else for oblivion and death, requires compassion, a deep sadness, and therefore kindness, being gentle, a good humor, an earnest desire to make others happy, or at least to diminish his or her hell and suffering.

So I ask you, is -as the Beatles sang- happiness a warm gun? Should you, as the slogan says, "kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out"?

Or should we do as The Hard Rock Cafe says: "Love All, Serve All", and make a heaven in this life, which is the only life we will ever truly have?

Basic needs met, sustainably..
healthy living -body and mind- (sanity and fitness) with
good food and good exercise
caring friends and family
community and cooperation
peace, security and comfort
liberty and freedom
love and happiness
respect

Genie, revisited

My idea of Heaven

First, let me say I like earth and ordinary life.
If I am to outlive my life (is that hyperbole?),
through being saved inside a computer or something
(a soul flying off to another world or universe?)
this is what I, Jesse L. Teshara, would want, as of today 6-5-2012:

live forever
1)immortality*
*only if this ALSO includes:

a)non-aging (I get to choose what age for each life),
(although I'd accept aging, if I could re-start periodically)
and
b)health
c)the ability to turn off pain (which I think is what Buddhists are after), and
d)regeneration if hurt or maimed, and
e)start over (at a specified certain age and place) if killed (like in the movie Groundhog Day).
f)if, after eons of time, I've had enough...
at first, I thought I might want to include a
-Suicide Option, because forever is a mighty long time...
but instead, I would invoke the power to
-Erase Memory and start over (see 3)

creator
2)the ability to create what I imagine, or instantiate thoughts, creating:

a)things (like money or food or weapons), or
b)powers (like in books, comics, or the movies, such as Green lantern or X-men), such as:

-flying,
-invisibility,
-morphing (changing size or shape, into existing or imagined animals, persons or things),
-see-through vision (like superman)
-invulnerability/force field
-no need to eat, drink, sleep, breathe (such as underwater, or in space)
(although I would relish hunger/thirst, if food is available)
-telepathy (mind to mind conversation, and reading thoughts; the ability to turn it off/on)
-omniscience
-perfect memory
-access to omniscience, question by question, and the ability to forget (I suspect actual omniscience might not be fun)

c) in addition to (or as part of) the ability to create, the ability to destroy.
e.g. to oblivionize people/places/things (threats),
or to reverse what I've created/destroyed,
or to turn off specified powers (except the power to turn on/off powers itself).

time and space travel
3)time-travel (forward into the future, or backward into the past)
and
4)time-freeze (so I could stay current with all of human creativity, day by day, as well as to have some fun and maybe move some things around)
and
5)teleportation (anywhere in space/the universe/on earth)

love and happiness
6)happiness: (never bored) (psychological bliss)
&
7)true love (a partner with the same powers as me)

that's it!
to summarize, 4 things:

immortality (with it's 6 caveats),
creator ability (of my environment, and my self),
time and space travel,
happiness, and true love.

books

the project continues

(8 from the 1001 books list)

Saturday, by Ian McEwan
Slow Man, by J.M. Coetzee
On Beauty, by Zadie Smith
The Sea, by John Banville
The Master and Margarita, by Mikhail Bulgakov
The Master, by Colm Toibin
The Red Queen, by Margaret Drabble
The Plot Against America, by Philip Roth

aside

In M&M,
the epigraph, taken from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's (1749-1842) drama, Faust , the demon Mephistopheles answers Faust's question:
"...who are you, then?
'I am part of that power which eternally wills evil and eternally works good.'

so maybe the Buddhist injunction toward "right thought" (as part of the 8-fold path) could be considered more permissive than what is commonly thought...
-willing evil isn't evil (in itself)?

Shambhala

Enlightened Society

or, "The long-awaited paradise on earth"

I just read Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, by Chogyam Trungpa
I've been attending meditation groups twice a month, which has this book in their library.

The main teaching I would say is that we are all Basically Good.
Basic Goodness (not original sin) is our inherent nature.
You should not be ashamed to be alive.

some ideas:
awake, aware, alive (Buddha means 'the awakened one')
discipline, dignity, discernment
gentle, genuine, generous

gentle, kind, loving, compassionate, merciful, caring for self/others
authentic, honest, true, genuine
a warrior without aggression or arrogance
sane, powerful, confident, inquisitive, inspirational, elegant, tranquil, presence
fearless, brave, courageous
tender-hearted, sharing, grounded
immaculate, meticulous, precise
solid, sacred sangha

Tin God

a term I just discovered- it means:

1. A pompous, self-important person
2. a person who regards himself or herself as infallible and tries to dictate standards of behavior or beliefs.

etymology
from a reference to tin as a base metal, compared to precious metals; in other words, petty or worthless.

At first view, one might think I am a tin god.
BUT
unlike the pope, who regards himself as infallible when making official proclamations regarding faith or morals, I see myself as as right as anybody else with a political or moral opinion: We're ALL gods.

You might think some of us gods are more godly than others, of course.
All it takes to be God is to be good.
Although I suppose, on occasion, some depraved criminals are intentionally evil. But I suspect that, even then, the perps see something good in it.

psychopathy

a trait of vampires

I'm reading Psycho-Paths, edited by Robert Bloch (short-story fiction compilation, subtitled murderous madness)

a psych textbook defines psychopathy as:
-callous unconcern for the feelings of others
-incapacity to maintain enduring relationships
-reckless disregard for the safety of others
-deceitfulness: repeated lying and conning of others for profit
-incapacity to experience guilt
-failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors

vampires suck.

an acronym (of evil) I thought of:
SCHIZO
Sauron, Cthulhu, Hannibal, It, ('lil Zed), O (my God)
-but don't get the wrong idea. Hearing a voice doesn't make you evil.
I included O because God can be an instrument of vengeance, as well as natural disasters.

Here's an interesting quote (from John Banville, I think):
"Given the world that he created, it would be an impiety against God to believe in him."

Library Omniscience

How many different books are there in the world?

For God to make an attempt at maximized knowledge-in an attempt at omniscience- I should read at least a book a day.365*80= "only" 29,200 books.

Even if I learn to speedread, the task is overwhelming.
The library of congress has 32 million books (and counting), in 470 languages.

Not gonna happen.
It would take about 1100 books a day for 80 years!
(1,095.8904)
Given 8 hours of sleep a day, that leaves 960 minutes to read daily.
(16 hours of nonstop readng every day)
which comes to 52.56 seconds per book,
(68.49315 books/hour)
so maybe it's possible...
But I'm not gonna do it.Sorry.

librarian stumper:
Is there anything to the fact that LIBRARIES has within it both Libra and Aries?

quote from St. Theresa:
"The important thing is not to think much, but to love much"

Being God

It's simple

As "only God is good", to be God you should simply
Be Good.

That's it.
It should be noted that to be good, it is sufficient to merely be not-bad.

It's better, of course, if you -as the Boy Scout slogan says- "do a good turn daily"
(the motto is "Be Prepared")

And it is BEST if you are always good.
That is, to the best of your ability.
Purity is the ideal.
The better you are, the happier you will be.

May the fourth be with you!

Encyclopedias

I like them!

Worldbook, Brittannica, Science & Technology

Wikipedia (a class all by itself)

Developing World, Africana, Latin America, Modern Asia

Religion, Psychology, Philosophy, Sociology, Foreign Affairs

(all waiting at the Berkeley central public library)

also, you might want to check out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_online_encyclopedias

Smart Products

hopefully, YOU aren't getting dumber

Smartphones, Smart car, Smart water, smart mop
Sharp tv
Brilliant shampoo

Intel inside

you are what you eat: air-heads (candy)

okcupid profile

what I've posted there

My Self-Summary
I walk two french bulldogs 3 or 4 times a day. I swim alot. I'm pursuing an 'athletic' body type. I love to read. I'm looking for someone both smart and happy -a good head on your shoulders with a positive attitude- to enjoy life with. I love music. All of it.

I have two projects I'm working on: 1)a booklist ('1001 books you must read before you die') and 2) my blog (a fun hobby). I have a disability, the upside of which is I don't have to work.

A quote I like is "I have always thought heaven to be a kind of library." I'm omnivorous: I read everything. If only there were time for it all (I should learn to speedread, eh?). Wouldn't it be cool if you could freeze time, and teleport, and time travel, and be immortal? I would totally read everything (and listen to all the music, too).

ANyway, I was an International Relations major at UCD (Third World studies emphasis, minor in spanish). I've been to China, and would love to travel more. Mostly, I love nature. I spent many childhood summers in the redwoods by the russian river. I haven't been hiking or camping in awhile, and would like to resume.

Among the things I like are documentaries, animation, nature shows, taiko drums, cirque du soleil, and of course good food. I bicycle everywhere. I grew up in San Francisco. I'm a Boar (which they say is most compatible with sheep or rabbits), but hopefully not boring.

What I'm Doing With My Life
Exercise (swimming, walking, bicycling), reading (I'm currently into Buddhism, short stories, and the hunger games), staying informed (I read the NYTimes daily, and try to read the Economist and Christian Science Monitor weeklies). Musically, I like college radio alot, like harvard's whrb, cal's kalx, or gdradio.net (the grateful dead).

let me know what you think of my blog?
Reading. And reading some more. Did I mention I like to read? Yup, reading.

I hope to live til I'm at least 120. That gives me another 80 years. Oh, yeah!

I'm Really Good At
I tested 140 iq once. I won a journalism award in high school. I got a scholarship to Cal. Staying busy. I'm told I'm the kind of personality that keeps on goin', no matter what trials and tribulations life throws at me. I was voted Most Kind in grammar school, back in '85, lol. Maybe writing. I like to write.

The First Things People Usually Notice About Me
My aura? I'm not sure to be honest. I have blue eyes. Probably the dogs. They're a lot of fun. But they get screamy whenever they see a cat, a squirrel, another dog...

Favorite Books, Movies, Music, Shows, and Food
-Douglas Adams, Isabel Allende, Dostoevsky, Jonathan Franzen, Gabriel Garcia Marques, Anne Rice, Kurt Vonnegut, Mark Twain. Tent of Miracles (Jorge Amado). The Lost Steps. The Sand County Almanac.-Fantastic Planet, Grave of the Fireflies.-I don't watch much tv. When I had cable (once upon a time), I enjoyed comedy, mostly (Daily Show, Dr. Katz, standup). I really miss Beevis and Butthead, heh heh.-I like to listen to music while I'm on the computer.-Thai, sushi, chinese, mexican... I like spicy.And sweets, a bit too much, probably: i.e. kerns, swedish fish, riesen, it's its, ben n jerrys, horchata, baklava, see's, mrs. field's...But I'm becoming more fit, lately, and therefore eat less sugar

The Six Things I Could Never Do Without
1)basic needs (food, shelter, clothing, clean water, sanitation)
2)others, people, pets, friends, family, community
3)happiness, humor, smiles, laughter, joy, bliss, fun
4)stimulus (i.e. books, magazines, music, movies, the internet, the library, my blog)...reading and writing.
5) Love (God? Truth? Reality?), or Liberty. Either one.
6)as David Bowie sings, love is not loving. So loving, too. Which is another way of saying Sex, which maybe I should call Intimacy.
Actually, on second thought, I should replace loving with life and health and strength. I can live without sex.

Of course, the Buddhists say these are cravings or 'attachments', so maybe I should just stick to life and health, if even that.

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About
Spirituality and Religion
Health

I'm Looking For:
Girls who like guys
Ages 23–45
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, long-distance penpals

On a Typical Friday Night, I am:
I just moved, and I don't have a routine yet. Hopefully, dating!

The Most Private Thing I'm Willing to Admit
I'll tell you if you meet me in person.

You Should Message Me If:If you like what I wrote.If you want to roll the dice! (or know more about me)and, preferably:-You don't smoke-You are not a tv addict

Virgos are said to be most compatible with Pisces, Taurus, or Capricorn. (or another Virgo)

Jesse update

Be God, not Jesus

I know. The doctrine of the trinity, for christians, says there's a tripartite God (father, son, and holy spirit), but Jesus -as I understand him- is just a dead guy who was crucified. Who needs death and pain? Jesus said Don't call me good, Only God is good (implying he wasn't good/God.

So we shouldn't, in my view, consider each other as manifestations of Jesus, but rather God Himself. It's not THAT radical a concept, is it?

I just finished reading Adi Da's Knee of Listening. Good stuff. But he said "I am the only one who is", capital and underlined is. Which I disagree with totally.

Anyway,
I'm reading:
Dante's Cure, by Daniel Dorman, M.D.
Mockingjay, by Suzanne Collins (the third of the Hunger Games trilogy)
Alias Grace, by Margaret Atwood
Pen/O.Henry prize stories, 2011

and I updated my okcupid profile
I'm at http://www.okcupid.com/
under 'Jesswimmer'

It's Sunday. Have a great week!

Online Reading

(from a Practical Guide, by the NY Times)

10 sites:

http://www.bartleby.com/

http://www.bibliomania.com/

http://www.classicbook.info/

http://www.fiction.us/

http://www.fullbooks.com/

http://www.ipl.org/ (internet public library)

http://www.online-literature.com/

http://www.gutenberg.org/

http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/

http://readbookonline.net/

Great Luck

G.R.T. L.U.C.K., that is

God, Reality, Truth (the same thing, says Adi Da Samraj)

Love, Understanding, Compassion, Kindness

Loving-Kindness (Buddism)
Love-Bliss (Adi Da; I'm reading his book, Knee of Listening)
Happiness, Joy (happy, happy, joy, joy -Ren and Stimpy)
God is love, love is God (the bible, a movie title)
Kindness is my religion (-Dali Lama)

Love plus Peace =Happiness
(graffiti, using the symbols for each word, in the sidewalk in Berkeley)
(i.e. heart plus "footprint of the american chicken" equals smiley face)

I'm actually starting to get into a happier frame of mind/reference, of late
(sorry about saying you have to love depravity, etc.-
but hatin' is bad, they say- so just don't hate them negatives)
Some do, still, really think it's All Good, though.

It's like, says the Secret, don't be anti-war- Be Pro-Peace.
War against war only makes more war, you see.

Enlightened,
Awake, Aware
conscious light?
the way of the heart (from the right side?)
light-hearted, humor, The Bright (smart, too)

Holy Week

wholly weak

today, Palm Sunday, I actually attended a Catholic Mass, at
Holy Spirit Church
at Dwight and College, in Berkeley
at 9:30 am, near UCB campus.

"surely He is the son of God" -this struck me as somewhat funny.
who would actually say that?!? Someone brainwashed, I would guess.

Christianity, what a crazy religion.
Jesus, the poor guy, actually believed God was his father, it appears, and accepted crucifixion as being somehow what his dad wanted for him. Damn!

If only he didn't believe he was the "only son of the Father",
but rather a card-carrying member of Jessology-
and thus a God himself -like everyone else-
(making love is making God)(God is love/loving)
he wouldn't have felt so all alone and freakishly destined for suffering.
Jesus needed to feel powerful -one of a kind- and couldn't deal with my concept of equality, I'd say. People as sheep, meant to submit...

Holy Communion with the wine and wafer...actual transubstantiation, they say (!). Jesus' body and blood tastes remarkably like bread and wine, and not like meat, like you would expect, lol.
the wine glass gets wiped after every mouth that drinks from it,
but it still seems unhygienic to me. I drank, anyway, vampire that I am.

why does catholicism insist on Mary's virginity?
Belief in souls and afterlife and angels strikes me as equally ridiculous.
And the congregation sounds like a bunch of zombies reading their responses off the projection screen. Yuck. And the whole thing was utterly absurd! People will believe anything.

I'm a baptized Catholic, I attended 12 years of catholic school, and my mom's sister is a nun, but I believe hardly anything... Mass brought back memories of all my childhood sundays going to church with my family, thinking about everything.

What a mess of absurd silliness.
Nothing wrong with it, though, besides being so bizarre and patently false.
I'm not anti-Christ, I just think Jesus was deluded.

He thought, for example, that a temple would be rebuilt "not by human hands."

Allah, Obama, and God

some linguistic numerology weirdness

'GOD' is composed of
G, the 7th letter of the english alphabet
O, the 15th, and
D, the 4th

7+15+4=26. 2+6=8
(there are 26 letters in the english alphabet)

'Allah' sums to 7, as does 'Jesus Christ' (2,5)
But I wanted to point out that, Allah can be split into 'All-a-H'
which could be interpreted, substituting H for God, as
All a God (which is what my blog is saying: we're all (a) God)

Also,
Obama can be broken down into 'Am a OB'
OB sums to 8, too...am a God (my point, exactly)

some words that sum to 2:
hey, uh, on, jesus, christian, jew, beast, it, president, white, black, time, death, monkey, force, light, africa, etc...

H can also mean
hospital, harvard..
(honda, hydrogen, heroin, hannibal)
the floor plan of my jesuit high school (St. Ignatius in San Francisco)

Don't H8! Don't be a h8er!
heart, rearranged is hater..
death, rearranged, is hated..

It's unfortunate that 'Islam' can be split into 'I-slam'
(which evokes the WTC disaster on 9-11-01 over a decade ago)

by the way
Mitt Romney is 8, 9 (I can sum the letters pretty quick in my head).
'politics' is 4. The book of numbers it the 4th book of the bible. blah, blah, blah.

God is just a word

A rhetorical device

such as:

God-willing
God-forbid
In the name of God
What in God's name
please-God
praise-God
dear, God
godawful
Gawd!
goddamnit
omg

when something extreme happens: "Jesus, Christ!"

etc.
in music: "Good God!"

Obamacare

I'll weigh in

I believe access to quality healthcare should be a human right, not just in America, but throughout the world. What good is liberty, or even life itself in some cases, without health?

Shit happens, as they say. People who roll the dice by not having or paying for health insurance might save some money, but are doing society a disservice, in my opinion. If only some have it, the price goes way up (I've read)...

We should collectively, as humans, support everyone's life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness--a foundation of which is good health. I buy the argument that if we all chip in, society benefits.

I realize America is wedded to unhealth, such as obesity and smoking (aside: did you know 50% of Chinese men smoke?), and I also realize people don't want to pay for other people's irresponsibility, but we all benefit from lower healthcare costs if we all pitch in.

I have Kaiser, and I subscribe to the mottos of 1)thrive, 2)daily maintenance (diet and exercise), and 3)preventive medicine (a healthy lifestyle)

It's not socialism, from each according to his ability, to each according to his need- it's the greatest good for the greatest number, the most rational choice (if not common sense).

Submission

I submit (this to you):

Islam means "submission"
I do not perceive anything/anyone to submit to
except the law, or my own ideals (my conscience)

submission holds
can be useful

what's underneath the Massachusetts Institute of Technology?

submarines and subway sandwiches and Mitt Romney

okay, sorry

Stuck-Up

God on a post-it

Someone asked me "You're not one of those stuck-up people, are you?"
and I replied, maybe sometimes.

God is usually conceived as being up.
'who art in heaven' and all.

But I get down sometimes. Angrier, more often.
I'm tired of getting angry.
I give up. Anger is exhausting.

God is conceived to be/is:
-omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, all-good
(all-knowing, all-powerful, always and everywhere, kind/loving/beneficent/compassionate/forgiving/merciful)
-immanent and transcendent (within and beyond/outside of? I think)
-loving/Love (itself)
-I am who am/ I am what shall prove to be/ I am
-YHWH, the "tetragrammaton"
-the Creator
-"Heavenly Father"
-One

that's all I can think of
I, on the other hand, am just Jesse
but I think that's enough

My Reading List

What I'm working on

I'm punctuating the list with other books I find interesting (which is most everything) that I grab off the library shelves.

I in fact checked out the source of my reading from a book entitled
'1001 Books to Read Before You Die'

on line list

I don't know how long it will take me.
A book a day for 3 years...
I'm reading Zadie Smith's On Beauty now.

Books not on the list I currently have checked out are:
-The Black Hole War, by Leonard Susskind
-Dog is my Copilot, by the Editors of BARk (Great Writers on the World's Oldest Friendship)
-The New York Times Practical Guide to Practically Everything
-The Best American Short Stories of the Century. John Updike, Editor; Katrina Kenison, co-editor

and, in the reference section at the public library, I've started
-The Encyclopedia of the Developing World (3 volumes)
and, at the gtu (Graduate Theological Union), in Berkeley, I've started
-Religion and Foreign Affairs, essential readings; 2012
Dennis R. Hoover and Douglas M. Johnson, editors

busy, busy!

abortion debate reductio ad absurdumb

I'm still pro-life

I found this quote in my email:
"I'm sorry, but all these 'life begins at conception' arguments are sheer nonsense. Killing a cluster of cells that has the potential of becoming human life is not the same as killing a human being. Here is a reductio ad absurdum argument for all the extreme pro-lifers. With modern cloning technology, a simple skin cell is a potential baby. Where do pro-life people stand on removing a wart or a mole? Are dermatologists the latest in the long list of baby killers?"Dialogue is Needed on Abortion; St. Petersburg Times (Florida); May 20, 2009.

I don't know the technology required to clone from a skin cell, but I imagine it requires some effort. I do know that warts and moles aren't commonly in the habit of becoming babies. A mole is not a baby. This I know.

But a life, whether conceived normally or cloned, starts at conception -which I'm sure has an analog in the cloning process. In fact, cloning seems to me to be a more deliberate process to create a new life than normal lovemaking. Killing a clone is the moral equivalent of abortion.

At first, I was tempted to think, gee well maybe all life is no different from a wart or mole, so killing, that is- murder-, is now as perfectly acceptable and as justifiable, morally, as shedding skin, a natural process that deserves no punishment. It would make a hell of a defense in court. That seems to be what the author implies. I'm not willing to take that stand.

Adoption is the loving option. Please don't forget about adoption.