10 minute timer

 

10:00

Breathing Mindfulness

 Meditation

Sit.   Cross-legged, or chair.   Turn off stimulus.  That's hard for me.   I like my music.  Set 10 minute timer.  Concentrate on breathing.  Inhale, exhale, in and out.   Be aware of your breathing.   Note your mind, whatever pops up.   Return to focus on your breath.   In and out, inhale and exhale.   Nose, and mouth.   Fast or slow.  It's all good.   See, hear, smell, taste, touch.  Associations.    Distractions.   But you can analyze what your breath looks like, sounds like, smells like, feels like.  Your breath is like food.  Your body is ingesting the gaseous air, just like solid food, or liquid water.   The oxygen, specifically.   The nitrogen (78% of what you're breathing) just goes right back out.   You are in chemical exchange with plants.   Even this thought was kind of a distraction.  Return to breath.  It will take many iterations to stay joyfully focused with single-pointed concentration.  You might want to close your eyes, or focus in front of your nose?  It can be difficult to turn your mind "off".   I habitually, almost automatically, name things I see.  Other external things, like smells, the feeling of my clothes, what I'm sitting on, classifying everything, like sounds or odors or all the objects in front of me, and tangents about their purpose, origin, etc.   Curtains, desk, books.   Curtains makes me think of the phrase "curtains for you" or Kurt Cobain.  The word "diaphanous".   How did they automate the stitching.   What things are made of.   How old they are.  Where they were made.  Yada yada.   Books are knowledge and wisdom, in concentrated form, that take less time to read than they took to write.   Facets of the diamond, for others' Reality, knowledge, experience, imagination.   Dead authors "live" on, through their works.   By reading them, they come back to life, kind of.  Many books are "immortality projects".    Like dreams, warning of nightmares, and guides to utopia.  Vicarious experience, depth of understanding.   And loads of fun, ways of escape, learning, how to write, think, and be.   The mind needs things to chew on, too.   Feed your head.

Just reset the timer.    You want to get to 10 minutes of glorious stillness of mind, even beyond.   They say it's a prerequisite to Nirvana.   Stick to it.

Heads or Tails

Abortion, revisited

Killing your baby, basically, before birth.   Is it like cutting your hair?  Or, is it snuffing an innocent, heavenly being?  People may be like rocks, philosophically speaking, just objects - but a hundred years or whatever of LIFE, is certainly nothing to sneeze at.  Denying your own flesh and blood the opportunity to LIVE, in all it’s ups and downs, glory and error, seems to me to be irreconcilable with self-regard, irreversible, shameful, if not evil.   The virtue of adoption far outweighs the cons of birthing pain, in my book.   You want to prove you’re a bad ass, who killed her own child, for street cred?  Or maybe snipping a pea from the pod seems far less excruciating than pushing out a bowling ball, as it were.  Or, Nature is red in tooth and claw, and life is hell, and life isn’t worth living in the first place, so you’re doing your child a favor?  I mean, you just KNOW it’s a little piece of shit, future Hitler or something, and you’d be doing society a favor, too.  OR….  It’s not a human (yet).   It’s an inconvenience, a clump of cells, a blob of tissue, like the germs you wash off your skin every time you take a shower.  So it goes.  Whatever.   Life is meaningless, anyway.   Unless your baby is a future president, Buddha, deity, or “happily ever after” story (can you predict?).

Let’s dive into that, more.    What lives have the most merit, and deserve to live, in the first place?  People who will fall in love, and make their partner happy, is one answer.   Outstanding servants of society, like say a political leader or pope or scientist who cures cancer, or something.  I’d like to think authors and philosophers contribute to social well-being, just as scientists reveal truth.   Comedians rank up there, for me.   If you ease the pain, make life fun, you get a pass.  On the other hand, I’m not saying there are people who would’ve been better off dead, or will be detrimental to society, or too unimportant to matter (like, say, a mindless agglomeration of a few cells).   Is pruning a bush the same thing?  I like people more than bushes.  I’m not sure what to say.   A lot can influence the outcome of a blank slate like your bouncy baby boy or darling princess.  The thing is pretty much out of your control.  Flip a coin. 

objection!  obstetrics is not about objects!  objective is to be objective.  Everything is a thing.  good things and evil things? or, all just neutral matter, like Matt the mad hatter;  thinking about thing-king.   What's the matter with you?  huh?

rime and thyme, rhyme time:  secular sex and divine dining, food boo'd and beard cheered, hairy and scary, comfort from Mumford, magically pelagic, trite bites, delicious and nutritious, chow on cow, eat meat, ingest pests, consume whom?  fine dining with wine, sleep deeply, the best rest, relax with the facts, enjoy your toys, celebrate being celibate, mirth on a birthday on earth day, read about deeds, watch your crotch, protect your neck, attack back, aikido libido... be happy in your nappy says Pappy, love the doves, kiss your miss, I triple dog dare you to go fuck a duck, nevermind said the Buddhist, stream of consciousness in my sociological socks, awake aware alert, asleep oblivious gone, la la land and the law of the land, lol.  Laos police, Copernicus the copulating cop, and Sharif the sheriff.  Rock the casbah with asthma.

who am I

what am I

where am I

when is this?

why am I doing this?

how are you

which am I?

huh?

I recently bought Kachava.   I like it.   I got coffee flavor.  Much much better than the mushroom coffee I've been getting.   And Jelly Bellies.  Also good.  30 flavors, 3 pounds.  I'm listening to Paul Oakenfold on my new Bose headphones.   Life is good.   I trimmed my beard.  I got new shoes from REI, and some coasters from Goodwill.   The house needs a new fridge/freezer.   Mike is on that, I think.  Our popsicles melted.   I'm visiting my mom in SF this Friday.  I gave Rhee a carton of cigarettes.  $75.   10 packs.  Cheapest in town.  If I don't just douse myself in a cold shower, I'd like to buy a pass to go to one of Berkeley's public pools.   You know, free swim.  I'm not into laps, really.   I just wanna splash around in the sun and enjoy the water.  I have a beach towel.   The reclining chair I found and brought back home with me has been rejected for being torn and used.   Oh well.   I thought it was cool.   At the Rialto, I want to see the Cat video fest '26 coming up, as well as the Grateful Dead concert.   I always wanted to go to one of those.   It was big among my crowd, growing up.  Class of '89!  Go cats!  I bought a pair of ergonomic pillows - I hope they help with my drool situation (from clozapine), as well as my hearing.    By that, I mean the last 3 days I've woken with something like "swimmer's ear" in my right ear, that doesn't just shake loose.   Yesterday, I was hoping and trying to pop the bubble or whatever most of the day.   It was disturbing.  Riding my bike impaired with some added anxiety.  I tugged on my earlobe, pressed behind my ear, and messed with the pressure with my finger, until it actually went away (WHILE I was on the phone to Kaiser!).  Plus, my junk plumbing is haywire, if you know what I mean.  Anyway, Kelli and I both  have new backpacks, and I'm always busy with reading, whether trivia or Economist.   Just finished The Washington Book, by Carlos Lozada.   I checked out 3 movie dvd's from the local branch library.   I do a lot of running around on my bike to get stuff for K and I.  Daily exercise, like pushups, planks, shakes, and jumprope.   I'm highly motivated to lose my gut.   I don't know how much I weigh, though.

democrat demon-rats?  

ew, evil wicked, Elizabeth Warren

bc, bent corrupt, Bill Clinton

political wordplay- reaper republicans with hatred / red hats

I'm now affiliated with the Green Party

And I have cool emerald Vuarnet shades 

I liked Schwarzenegger.   Barack should've quit smoking while president, with more attention to the President's council on physical fitness.  Donald?  if they throw a shoe at you, Donald Duck!

World Wide Web

Internet, offering 

music, porn, joe frank, comedy, news, satire, encyclopedia, answers, video entertainment, workouts, blogging, and email.  

www, sounds like something from Interpol

internet sounds like a net, say, for butterflies, or falling off the Golden Gate Bridge.

wordplay (wp):  identical (I denti-cal),  leg ass foot (legislative assembly footage), Chinese chin (and knees!);    Hi Larry T (dad)-  Hilarity,  Adopt-   ad o' PT (mom, Peggy Teshara).    Ingest, in jest, in Jess T :-)

g.o.d.'s:  government of democrats;  gravely offensive debasement;  good ol' divinity!

demon: devil (either mad or not), dangerous evil monster of night;   -crat (can't remember a thing)

dog, demon of greed

freak freedom for a slayer's slave

vile lint!   vile Lynn!  vile vial.   vile veal!  vile vowel.  vile veil.  vile isle.   vile aisle.  vile Lyle.  Vile while Kyle runs miles with style next the the Nile, vile pile of tiles, vile dial soap, vile wiles of guile.  Heil, vile!  vile smile.

desecration of the dreadful despicable damned diabolical depraved dangerous demon devil-dragon of darkness, despair, death, doom, and deceit!

good gawd, I'm giddy I passed the GED

goading a guide, goo would be good

Berkeley in a burqa;  sects intersects with sex

reaction to recitation;  reciting verse about regaining sight

cinematic cinnamon, amores perros, GU032 (global underground, Adam Freehand), Lomas de Chapultepec;   emcee (master of ceremonies) in MC (Mexico City)

random scribblings

Yo yo hello hi-o

Wussup dawg 

Matshishkapeu

Innu

If God could talk, what would He or She say?

Be perfect, as your Father in Heaven is perfect

So go to heaven.   Be a dad.  Motherfucker.

God says, let there be light, my burden is light, can I get a light?  Sun says sure.

Devil, the darkling, says shadows, nightmares, and blindness, of black evil, spreads its tentacles in the gloom, across the land obscured by darkness, in a pit of doom.

Jedi police, forces using the force

Use the force, jedi

Use your fork, edi ble 

Norse force, of course

Like a horse

What is the source of the force? 

God is imaginary;  The world is God's imagination

put that in your pipe and smoke it

booze, broads, and action!  wine, women, and song!  sex, drugs, and rocknroll!   

brahma shiva vishnu, father son and Holy Spirit!  Me myself and I!   sit, do nothing, meditate.  Good, bad, neutral.  here there everywhere.  past present future.  joy bliss happiness.  breathe, note, be.  read watch listen.   eat exercise sleep.  write talk create.  mad bad sad.   think say do, thoughts words actions.  triune triple trinity.   tripartite triad triangle.   if you don't succeed, try try again.   suck seed?  cess?  Try tricycling in Trinidad :-).  333.   query, learn, discover.   curiosity, research, education.  knowledge, wisdom, understanding.   

(seals and ling cod) naval semen on the ceilin';   love, hope, peace, and joy!   awake aware and alive!   faith hope and love, peace love and happiness, peace and freedom, liberty and liberal aryans?   life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.   Hot pursuit, hot pink, that's hot!  haute couture and stone cold Steve Austin listening to Coldplay during the Cold War.   That's cold.  Ice cold.   Frozen.   Freeze-frame.  Chillin' like a villain.   Son, Is the sun going to sin soon?

insects on your herb:  thyme flies

sisu, if you say so

demonic dementia, on Mondays 

inquire, query, question - like Curious George (Margret and Hans Augusto Rey);  "curiouser and curiouser" (Alice); who what where when why how which?

experience, vicarious and actual.   truth, fact, science, reality, data, information, input, processing, enlightenment

fun, play, laughter, joy, bliss, happiness, comedy, jokes, satire, leisure, treasure, pleasure

Brain is the thinker I use to think thoughts with (use your head, your noggin, brain cranium, skull, melon).   They say you can think with your dick, or follow your heart, or use god as your co-pilot, that is, let go and let God, which is like being possessed, except "access granted"...

G-D, Glad Dad

Frozen zen, burning Bern, cold old, warm worms, hot pot, what's that fly doing in my soup? (waiter: it looks like the backstroke, sir), freezing free, expensive pens, afraid of AIDS, scared of getting scarred, no car in NC, and reading about Eid (feasts)...  there's also a Mecca, California, FYI.

strong fit healthy well sane;  see hear smell taste touch;  best good neutral bad worst;I can't drive 55!   Washington Monument is 555 feet tall.

Omniscience (but not everything is science), omg, god only knows

imagine:  I am a G in E (girl, guy in ecstasy, e.g.);   God is good without an o.  You can't have evolution without love.  Live, love, leave.   The lawyer believes in All law.   There are lawgivers and lawtakers.  la la la.   a note to follow so.    

Elmo?  hell no.  techno?  heck no.   a parade in Paradise, sí.   the witch in the gingerbread house (home sweet home).  Anne'd eye Kant fined Mai weigh holm..    casting spelz.   A Kraft sandwich, and witchcraft.  They ain't no next life, so I'm living my best life.   Seize the day.   See's candy today!   LSD, luminous soul of divine light!  hermaphro-deity??   e-mail from a she-male.   Intersex, the preferred term.   (FYI, For dioecious humans, It is biologically impossible to inseminate yourself).  Prodigy progeny, and androgynous Roger.   Noble notables.   Lucifer in tights, and Jesus the geezer.   Old man in a gold van.  An elder welder.  Carpenter fishing for carp.   Carpe diem, seize the day.  carpe carp, carpe carpet, seize the fish, seize your rug, Seize the candy.  Diem, Demi.   Mojo juju  (spirit vibe).  Turquoise turkeys.  Discontent continues in the country.   Dick indicates his appendix.  Evan in seventh heaven.   Smells like Mel in hell.

woof

 DOGS definitions of god

1. The Creator of Everything, the Universe
2. Love, the source of everything good
3. A man of war, One
4. Reality is all the God there ever is
5. Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent
6. Benevolent, Merciful, Kind, Compassionate
7. Perfect being, infinitely perfect, perfectly good
8. Always and everywhere
9. Supreme Being, Creator Sustainer and Ruler of the U

different names, genders, attributes

the "source of all moral obligation"

I Am (whatever that means)

large and in charge, the divine deity-entity of heaven

God the Father, Dog the puppy (Papi)

Xander, Giles, and Dawn, RIP

BTVS was a fun show

(Nicholas Brendon, Anthony Stewart Head, Michelle Trachtenberg) xx

lamp

illuminati

illumine naughty

illumine nutty

   vamp lamp

amped on the damp camp ramp

   the road to Royaneh

spider monkeys, pig fish, and god-humans :-)

an elephant shrew is neither, though

did God create Himself, like a bodybuilder?

What is God made of?

Food, of course

stinkle stinkle little fart, how I wonder not to make it start

   flatulent gas of nasty smell, all who smell it go to hell

    stinkle stinkle little fart, masking you is quite the art

GOD, greatest of detectives, gobs of disguises!

G-D, Giuseppe Dosi

coyotes are god's dogs, according to Navajo

alpo to climb the alps

oh! my (pair of) knees, after the Pyrenees

The Shaggy Dog (movie)

Shelby is a bitch (no, really)

I'm a bastard

Shaughnessy and Hennessy and Nessie

wept Schweppes, Crimea river, criteria for admission

calamari, kalamata olives, calamansi lime, calabrian chili peppers

Big Thing

GOD

Is the biggest thing

Bigger than the universe, even

How big is the Universe?  No one knows!  Theoretically infinite

Like time.   Infinite past, infinite future, always NOW

Always and forever, now and then

Huh?

Oh God, you are SO BIG

So very very big    lol

I am so very very small

Puny and weak and infinitesimal

A Speck in the Vast

My life, all these moments, like tears in rain

Raindrops in the ocean

Teeny weeny itty bitty ant fart in a hurricane

A blip on a screen?  A brain in a matrix

Here and gone, past and passed

A sperm and egg to bones and dust

Just a brick in the wall, a cog in the machine

A candle, an incense stick, a bouquet of flowers, sand in the hourglass

Everything is a memento mori (a bubble, even a diamond)

No one lives forever (now and always and forever and ever)

impermanent, passing, brief, momentary, fleeting, fading, disappearing, ephemeral, temporary, evanescent, transient, fugacious

Yada yada

Yes, yes, I know I'm not being consistent.   You choose your own beliefs from the menu of options, like everyone else.   Maybe this God thing is fugacious, too.   Some day we'll all be real and factual, with the ability to discriminate between dreams and Reality.   But lying your ass off is part of the process, no?

the boundless, infinite Vast

   Belle BIV Devo

disconsolate at the consulate

memento Maury

House of Mouse, Teaches of Peaches

Song of Solomon, king of kings, lord of lords

God of gods, MOAB, GOAT

mother of all battles, greatest of all time

the Left is alright 

everyone is a diamond in the rough, even the pieces of shit

everything is some shit

ss, short stories, social security, St. Stephen, 

     hissing sibilant snake, schutzstaffel, stupid shits 

     sick sad, South Sudan, stainless steel, sixth sense

    screen shot, shortstop, sport sedan, sea scouts

    Snoopy & Shelby, sing song, Sarah Silverman

    six sigma, sex symbol, sunset, sunny side

    shopping spree, silver screen, satanic sin

    stay safe, spanish steps, safety & security

    surgery scar, sit and spin, subliminal stimuli

    signs and symptoms, shit show, space shuttle

    space station, something special, secular society

    state senator, scripture & salvation, Sarah Salazar

    silver spoon, stylish sunglasses, surf shop

    subscription service, stinky socks, sordid saga

    south side, simple Simon, sex slavery

    seriously strong, sexy & single

strong smelling, strong suit, street spirit

a pantheist of whom I myself am the greatest of the pantheon (for me)

obit in orbit. (obituary:  oh what you airy?)

1234, vast boundless infinite eternity

  5 (unbelievably)

S- and F-, buckets of 

a pack o' tobacco

cocaine and romaine lettuce and rogaine

coke ain't a joke, heroin for heroines, acid for your ass, meth breath

copious dope, no lack of smack, plentiful fentanyl, mucho hooch, lots of pot

monitoring the monsters

pissed pistachios and cheerful cheerios

Sad Syd, but glad at Glide

deep-rest and mourning in the A.M.

nuttier than a fruitcake, fruitier than a nutcake

richer than god (how rich is God?).    Howard and Richard

regular regal regulations

subsidiary and suprasidiary

institutional intuition

charming chairman

mistrial maestro

Yak snacks

 The moose is loose! 

Amidst the absurd herd of hiphopapotamus and rhyme-nocerus!

The calf quaffed a half-carafe, the heifer the other half, of kefir.

The buffalo had some stuff, the bull drank his full, 

and the cow had chow, and yaks snacks, 

the bovine had some red vines.

mostly milk and its ilk -

grass makes them pass gas

druids drink fluids

  mm, squid liquids

   moose juice

solids on holidays

a beer for a cig, beverage leverage

1-9, from YouTube:    One (Metallica).   Two-faced (Linkin' Park).  3 little birds, (Bob Marley).  4 horsemen, (Metallica).  5 little ducks.  6 the musical.  7 nation army.  8 days a week.  9 to 5, (Dolly Parton).