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Welcome!

I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
I'm a straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 54) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 2500 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Recent Stupid "voices"

schizophrenic psychosis,
aka telepathy with that dumbass,
David A. Eldridge, attorney

stfu, asshole, dickhead, punk
leave me alone

?
does "insanity" happen for (a) sane reason(s)?

v's
i've given you a fist of my mind
you're basically the only living human on this rock
you know what Jess: I am a sad man
i'm going again
u r the whole ball game, Jess
i'm tired of zoo to funeral
you're in the army
i think you're well
because that's governmin
jesse, i can't define what you are
you're a stone cold doctor
you have an insane program
i hate life to you
i'm fucking wrong, jesse
i'm going to fucking die, jesse
david is in hell
i'm a victim, jess
i fucking hate you, jesse
i need help, jesse
i'm fucking screaming
fucking OW, jesse
david is insane, jesse
fuck you
i cannot breathe
i'm going to hell jesse
i need help
jesus
people are dying
david is insane jesse
ALL RIGHT, jesse
i am the devil, jesse
david is crying again
he is going to kill you
david is scared
david is insanely sad
i hate it
you're getting it impossible again
david swallowing, jesse
i can't FUCK-ing take-it anymore
i can't DEal, jesse
he's crying, jesse
i'm going insane, jesse
yes jesse, that is what you get, that is what you fucking get
david is killing himself, jesse
i hate myself
you deserve a doctor
a doctor of mother fucking WELL
i hate my life
i'm a tard out of my fucking mind
i hate you jesse
i can't FUCK-ing do it
IT. you're about it.
you know what? huh
david swearing out of his mind
david crying his soul
david has gone to hell jesse
i'm sorry jesse
u have an idea what a Hell of a world we r
i'm in prison jesse
people R dead, jesse
david freaking out
i can't i can't..
i can't go on
david is absurd
he's going to kill you
because you're a vampire klesha
i'm going to kill myself jesse
i can't breathe jesse
i really really really need help
i'm on a mission from anyone
i can't take it anymore jesse
david is vomiting, jesse
i need you to come at me with a fucking machete
david is a law to you, jess
he's killing himself, jesse
oww.  fucking unreal what you are
david is crying
i'm a SICK person, jesse
in terror
i am stupid at word, allright?
david giving up, jesse
because u r her property
i really am sick, jesse
david getting stupid
he's going to kill himself
ow, fucking ow
david is the wall, jesse
ICBJ
i'm wasting hist time and mine
david screaming
i need to cry, jesse
i need you and me a weapon
it's tired, jesse
IFCTIA
i'm a rotten individual, jesse
I AM stupid, Jesse
I really really am
people are dead, okay?

-------
lots of repetition

lots of multiple interpretations (e.g. 'i'm going to hell jesse' could be:
   1. i (david) will end up in an unending, tortuous afterlife
   2. i am going to pot
   3. i am going to make jesse's life hell (hell as a verb)

lots of me replying back (e.g. shut up, wtf is your problem, fu...)

david says 'i am a victim'
but i say, it's my head, get the fuck out
i have a right to privacy, to silence, to my own time,
    and to evict anyone unwelcome in my head

lots of math ('my life' is 2,5.   WELL is 7, too)
he says ow, jesus, it, on, zoo...all 2's
    maybe i'll take 2 steps, afterward (but not realize i've been programmed)

cryptic 'a law' or 'allah'?
'swallowing, jesse' or 'swallowing jesse' ?
    (i.e. guilty, or vampiric ingestion) (or both, or neither: something else)

Friday, June 30, 2017

Update

My Life, Lately

Dog-sitting. Cat-sitting. House-sitting. Just sitting. What up, dawg? The 3-legged cat, Giffen (pronounced Jif'n), is upstairs. Junie is a bitch. Giffen is male. J sometimes bullies G. There are also two stray cats, that linger in the back yard (of indeterminate sex). There's word of a mean cat that sometimes comes 'round, harassing Giffen- and even a raccoon that comes in the dog door (!). Kids have crept in, too, stealing a bike or something. I feed the 4 twice/day, water the plants (indoor and out), take out the trash, bring in the mail; walk Junie daily, let everybody out into the yard a couple times, pick up after them- close the door on Junie at night, so Giffen can sleep on the bed with me (unmolested). The food, for the cats, includes dental treats/ff (fancy feast)/tuna/a blend of two foods; for Junie, a small cup twice/day (is it called kibble?). She'll eat the cat's ff, if you're not careful.  There's 5 water bowls to replenish.  I walk Rilo every weekday (5x/week, at 2p), Fido and Taco on Tuesdays, Kaleb on Thursdays. I also report mail for Michael by text, like a secretary, now that he's changed address.  I check my email, my blog, and have 3 library books (yoga, mysteries, and SSA); I also am looking forward to a Bill Bryson book somebody left on the sidewalk in Oakland. I bought new “hiking” shoes from REI, for dog-walking.  And socks, too.  I met Emily there, who is also a wag walker.  I bought food from TJ's, as well as the arab market around the corner. Sitting, I read, write, listen, and occasionally even watch tv (they only get Discovery??).  Jazz on morning whrb is an excellent way to start the day. My parents are in NY. Teresa and Electra (G and J's owners) were there, too (before FL/Bahamas). And also, it turns out, Erin and Dan (who sent an email with 11 photos of cousin Esme). I'm Uncle Jesse. Augustus and Benjamin are learning potty-training, these days. Sara's dad is dying (cancer), up in Auburn. Tom and Jeannine, in SSF, are getting closer (as are we all). My dad is officially retired, as of today. I wrote Activity Ideas, in my blog (good ideas, for me, too!). I have no plans for 4th of July. Maybe BBQ at Sara and Pierre's. Here, where I sit (only 1 block away on Ashby) there is Pilates equipment. Sara introduced me to Teresa, who she met through her job at BBT (Bkly ballet theater). I read and edited T's paper for her ballet-instruction class, which was fun (maybe I was too harsh). Sara might drop by and use the Pilates kit. She helped me put on the flea medication on Giffen, earlier. She cuts my hair, sometimes, too. Useful. We trade treating each other to lunch every 2 weeks. Almost a new month: report my income to SSA, pick up 3 bags of groceries from the bfp (pantry). I have (optional) Kaiser group at 10:30am (to noon), Wednesdays (in Oakland). It's called “Graduate Group.” I made new cards (vistaprint) declaring (humorously?) 'God' in large print. Ha. I handed out the older version at group, before. I have like a thousand now, so I should distribute! They're business cards, too (dog-walker). I took off the “single” bit. But I am. I've basically given up on dating, but maybe that could happen, too. Pay for okcupid or match? My id, my libido, my “sexual appetite” isn't exactly “voracious.” But could be, maybe.   Lately, my psyche hasn't been a super-fun place to be. Showers, music, writing, busy-ness help. I always have a humongous list of activities I want to do (thousands of books, for starters).  I'm not much good at yoga and meditation, of late (but they could be really helpful; hopeful). I cancelled the economist, because I want the print edition (to not take up phone space), which Sara said she'd give for my birthday coming up (September! 9/3, like the saab; 46! forensics! Four n six). Also, I'm reading other stuff. The Bryson book is 478pp. The library books are due back soon. I want to read the full corpus of Newbery winners, as well as Bloom's “canon”, in addition to the 1001/501 lists (!). The BAMS series is really fun (Best American Mystery Short-stories). I rarely go to the gym anymore. I want to lift weights, though. I also want to be vegetarian. These things aren't happening. But I could get motivated. Wake up at 4:30a, that sort of thing. Ah, life!

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Camp Royaneh

Memories

Dave Firebaugh, Wayland, Greg St. John, Rich Whitney
CR: hiking skill award, canoe base, pool, asst. commissioner, c.o.p.e., rifle range.  collecting brass. Trail rides. Splash in, campfires (campsite, amphitheater), swim meet, mile swim, tote n chip, ultimate, basketball, "rodeo", greased pigs, wilderness survival chicken beheadings, finding railroad spikes, cairns, nature trail, mountain man, white wolf, astronomy hill, capture the flag, syncaris pacifica (unique california freshwater shrimp, endangered, only on east austin creek), murphy's gulch, eagle eye, chief!, peppering, bobo, yellow bandanna, beam me a board, light snack, razor blades in mouth, invisible rocks, mystery tug a war, skinks, round of applause, give 'm the gate, robert service, uncle zeke, little zeke, king cairn, bugle calls, bufongo brothers, and now -may the great master- of all scouts- be with us- until we meet again, goodbye campers, all present and/or accounted for, sir!, chasing down the runaway, firing the cannon, camp bell full of water, fire drill, pumps and pulaskis and shovels, trading post, m and m game, craft strip, carving neckerchief slides, mb pamphlets, it's its, creamsicles, walk!!, announcements, "dis-missed!", climbing redwoods, 3 cheers, 3 chairs, pioneer village, hammocks, footlockers, points, laps, parade field, larry teshara-art sawada friendship grove, bob's bend, tree falling on dining hall, meals at quonset hut, staff village, movies, horse cemetary, chief's room, snail mail, chocodiles, i'm a little teapot, one fat hen a couple of ducks, row row row your boat, my name's quickdraw -if you's can beat me you's pretty good, "I'm JC Penny!", submarine, grand ol duke of york, my bonnie lies over the ocean, topnotcher inky dinky doo, a bump on a log on the bottom of the sea, competition night, gun boats, pearl harbor, roman plunge, zip lines, staff around fire after campfire, astronomy merit badge, blue cards, staff x-mas, pajama day, hat day, push the log away, staff awards/dinner, cub camp, group photo, two!...

list of merit badges i earned/ offered..
making prizes, awards, x-mas (in July) gifts; skits, songs, cheers, claps (e.g. the "watermelon clap"), rangers in trucks/atv's setting up/taking down canvas tents, (un)loading from quonset hut; R-O-Y-aneh, dear Royaneh; gita-rickshaw gita rockshaw..., reveille/taps; there's a monkey in the tree, throwing coconuts at me, make him stop (x4); "waiters", back-lighting of redwoods at end of ampitheatre campfires; hiking plan: drd pat (like dirt path): destination route dates and times permission granted activities along the way, transportation; knots: bowline, two half hitches, square knot, overhand knot, granny knot, clove hitch, timber hitch, sheet bend, fisherman's knot, wrapping and frapping, splicing; rifle target scoring, groupings; archery finger guards and wrist guards; orienteering, true north/magnetic north (somewhere in Canada); passing knives, sharpening axes and knives, paul bunyon, totin' chip, fireman chit, tinder/kindling/fuel; fire safety, campfire radius, woodcarving slides/relief, stump city, basketry chair, c.o.p.e. trust, teamwork, fear of heights; buoys, floats, tossing life preservers, teaching how to swim: kicking, face in water, blowing bubbles, floating: dead man's, backfloat; rubber brick, pants-inflation, running entry for rescue (head above water); sidestroke, elementary backstroke, american crawl, breaststroke; butterfly and dolphin kick; scissor kick and frog kick; holding breath (time, distance); handstands, yelling underwater; cope rope, pfd vests, oarlocks; second-story window, my ding-a-ling, left-handed smoke shifter, teepee joke, Jeff "Drowning" Downing, porcupine quill arts (Rick and Bruce), unicycle, buzzards, cicadas, "sounding hot", cutting down trees for lumber, cairn trail (well worn by end of camp season), green/black/gold cairn boot awards, cairn neckerchief slide, Cazadero gets the most rainfall in California, imagined height of east austin creek, 333 vs. 14 ultimate frisbee rivalry, Jason Pett leaps in goal for frisbee in corral, substitutions;  pointing out constellations for astronomy with a flashlight; OA ceremony, flaming arrows, fire in tree, olawat sakema standing up in middle of canoe, rear rudder, opposite shore,  drumming plastic garbage cans, roman plunge, Nature glen, creek running thru it, 2 trails down to canoe base, no fishing, bulldozer for dams, unique freshwater shrimp (endangered?), drinking sake, dilapidated bridge, railroad remnants, canoe base island, dock, ropes, splash-in; have fun in the sun!  googling the meaning of "royaneh", which tribe?, iroquois for "happy camp", meeting place of tribes, softball between 351 and 14; rodeo, competition night; musical tires, barrel run, quick change dresser, walking with cup on head, egg toss, chocolate pudding; basketball, NRA sharpshooter, making your own arrow, compound vs. recurve bows, fletchings, hunting tip on award; skulling rowboats, naming boats after GD songs, Super Bob, melted gummy bears, flashing traffic light, Tim's stereo (in tent), big knife, mockingbird, molly the mop, weather prediction, Rom; cairn map sheets, doing homework in chief's room, climbing redwoods, cleaning dining hall windows after "peppering".  turtles, skinks, alligator lizards, king snake, gopher snake, western diamondback rattler, scorpions, mosquitoes, brown recluse spider, raccoons, bees, yellow jackets, horses, time a trail ride disturbed a wasp nest, bloop bloop! Yar!  silver beaver.  fell off bunk bed;  chocodiles, it's it, creamsicle, peanut m and m game, trading post, firestarter kit, mb pamphlets, craft strip, woodcarving materials; Tom Teshara, life scout, went to CR; pushed into pool, prank on dad of being injured, Skinks (the band), playing frisbee tambourine, beach boys, endless summer, vanagon, vomiting, selling uniforms out back of van, Dean Kanelopolous shades/shack, damming creek (pond), frogs and toads at night, bucket o' tree frogs, shark fin on snorkeler!, greased watermelon, fish that nibble on your toes, shooting at customized targets, bb guns for cubs, .22 rifles, prone position, rifle competition, "rodeo" , greased pig, announcer dad in hawaiian shirts, olympian at rifle range, parachute-packer at cope, picking up brass casings, Bill Heinze making shotgun shells, chief's room, mail and old photos, phone, jerry brown story, water-striders, coin under trading post deck, black widow spiders, accidental killing of alligator lizards (in sun), searching for scorpions under rocks, capturing a gopher snake, critter of the day, western fence lizards, (stinky) garter snakes, Skink practice, bridge to staff village, hacky-sack circles, baseball game, whistle: buddies!!, buddy board, buddy tags, 1 to 10; using reach poles as sprayers, rubber caps, rubber brick, putting up lanes for swim testing, nonswimmer/beginner/swimmer, diving board, big splash, mile swim, polar bear, source of creek?, little and big egypt, outhouses, cobwebs; 351 reunion bus; cub buses; yellow ac/dc-playing vw bug, cremation of sam mcgee as memorized by Ed Lindquist, uncle zeke, zeke's g/f;  indians in camp! white wolf! earth flag, folding the american flag, pledge of allegiance, "good morning" (hug self, then open arms wide), running laps, inter-patrol point contest,  staff tired by end of sessions, everything up or down, camp on a hill; astronomy hill, capture the flag, gold brick award, up early for "mystery cairn", horse pucky, peach cobbler, bug juice, pumpkin pie, crab feed, gun boats, cereal variety, salad, apples, coffee, pancakes, popping cups, phasing out styrofoam, trays, pancakes, pink eggs, injured sleepwalker, shirts/hats/jackets at trading post, Jack Laws takes a sledgehammer to (now and laters?), family camp, borrowed GD tapes, slippery sash, OA eating raw eggs, brotherhood, royaneh lodge patch gift from dad,  cub scout earning mammals mb, getting stepped on by Greg St. John, Dan playing guitar, clean table, flip benches onto table, family style restaurant dinner, "can i have some - sugar" ;-), hotel california, shine flashlight up down right left at me before campfire, harvesting water from tarp over pit, new cairn on buffrey flat, old cairn removed (hangman's tree), wild turkeys, peacock, boars, yellow-bellied racer, Kodiak (dog), honor box, water fountain, coke machines, critter of the day, archery moving target, scoutcraft tower, shotgun range, clay pigeons, calculating maximum trajectory (for safety), shooting water balloons with surgical tubing, shooting handgun at archery range, deer trails, creeping on deer, ping-pong spitting act (Greg Adams and his bro), blackberries picking/pie, strange pile of sticks (den?) next to archery range, throwing fruit, visiting other troop's campsites/campfires, chapel at Pioneers, old church by canoe base, going to Cazadero for outdoor catholic mass, meal at campsite, peach cobbler (dutch oven), tied up in hammock, graffiti in cabin, big iron 1 and 4 below cabin 1.  horseshoe competition, Baden -powell country, mr. charlie erle fell, Steve got smudgepot wax on face, ye olde clarion, bidaily thunderbird,  dark room for photography mb, yellow bandanna, ferd, frivolity and merriment, slide show, Philmont patches, knots, campaign hats, red vests; LDS troops, inner-city troops, japanese visitors, (retarded?) troops.  quasi-military vs. no uniforms.  douglas firs, redwoods, white and black oaks, redwood sorrel, jerusalem cricket, sword fern, brachen fern, horsetail, cool redwoods wear sunglasses, 3 parking lots, uniforms: shorts, shirt, sash, patches, epaulets, socks, pins, neckerchiefs, honor scout (white);  Mr. Royaneh, (or Ms.), suntan mb, zinc oxide, pushing ping pong balls, swim meet, biggest splash, medical sheets, testing the water, pee turns red in pool!, pool house, scoutcraft tool shed, graffiti.  tents above pool.  bouncing off diving board.  visit with Sara.  choosing between 14, 333, and 343.   Staffer walking back from Guerneville all night?  (Gallagher's?) truck went into e.a. creek?  racing to mexico and back? Outdoor mass in guerneville, too.  grazing at safeway.  assayer (say, look at that ass).  no flashlight up from canoe base, elim grove, yelling at fire station, bats in chimney, redwood boreing beetle, number of campsites, number of cairns, burning bay leaves, new house for ranger, drinking, smoking, stacking milk crates, sliding down hill on cardboard, tomahawk throwing, obsidian chipping, bead necklace, black powder, cable car bell, food fight, git a rickshaw, 17!17! t, r, double o, p.  351.  we've got spirit yes we do, rattlesnake demonstration, good-morning!!, chastised/rebuked for saying "hell" (how the hell are you, was it?) robin praeger runs the cairns, losing hat on trail ride, fire siren and bell, mb sign-ups, sickness, rain, naked guy, bellboard messages, going off property (near rifle range, past falls, past astronomy hill), siesta after lunch...

turning styrofoam cups inside out, 'Cazadero' means 'hunting ground' (cazar is to hunt, cazador is a hunter), gun boats: eat it or wear it, other camps: Oljato, Wente.  Mather, Mountain Home Ranch.  Also, leadership camp.  343 staff meal; inviting staff to sit at your table; Glen O' Heavens; unpleasant first experience with pot;  "goodly tall trees,"  fig trees, bay laurel, black/white oak, sequioa sempervirens (redwood), douglas firs, poison oak, leaves of 3 let it be, borrowing Jack Kilmartin's camera, dad's joke archive/ getting sports news in morning;  audrey kell's "tote", Father Murphy, s.j.'s visit, egret or heron; behind dining hall: dumpster, laundry, bridge, loading dock; Splash-off, in and out of rowboats, suspended-canoe entrance, racks for paddles/oars/boats, 2 man canoe race, staff lounge, Cazanoma lodge, award night, troop 14 rah! (sewage!), who's on first, staff swim, rifle tickets, flags in dining hall, rattlesnake cage in nature glen, feeding with a mouse, don't tap the glass, feeding a fly to a spider, free swim, free boating, free shoot, shower before swim, learning to dive, dunking, noodle sword fight, snorkle/fins/goggles, opening/closing campfires, competition night, awards night, troop campfire night, hamburgers at amphitheater, Dave: chief chief chief!  Chris Dunakin, Brian Heinze.  Have I kept my honor bright? can i guiltless sleep tonight?  have i done and have i dared, everything to be prepared.  swear word compilation for Itsuo Tanaka.  cub camp tie dye.  belly-flop contest.  Jester Jones.  red vines rope.  sign out to leave camp.  Joe Ehrman's write up.  rosebuds and rose thorns.  Stan Altshuler's porn, fitness merit badge, Doug Kapovitch's hat.  dad's photo albums.  corn bread.  sausages and pancakes.  bacon and eggs.  leftover pumpkin pie.  plastic garbage can filled with punch.  fastest mile swim times.  list of cairns/campsites/merit badges and programs. shooting clay pigeons.  mystery cairn.  parachute over handicraft area.  soup-can tennis ball launcher! neckerchief slide collection, trip to sawmill, thistle, pass the lactic fluid of a female bovine, or the dihydrogen monoxide, or the "bug juice".  cook's cabin, oafm aafm, making my own bow and arrow, hunting/eating crawfish (crawdads), poor old blue!, i've got sixpence jolly jolly sixpence!, king of the cannibal islands!, when the dreary hours of winter pass away!, suffocation gentle suffocation...take a hose put it up your nose turn it on then you're gone, softly falls the night of day -as our campfire fades away, from the hills of tamalpais (?), a boom chicka boom (chicka rocka chicka boom!), Get On With It!!!
and so on y so forth! ...

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Reminiscing, Remembering

a few memories

I was born (Vancouver, i'm told) a bastard (out of wedlock) and given (forced?) for adoption.
Adopted, age 4, to Peggy and Larry Teshara (social worker, school administrator, resp.)
Mr. and Mrs. Fiji (foster parents), picked up in Ozzy (black 1930 Model A Ford with rumble seat)
Lived in SF, first 380 Monticello (near SF State), then 801 Darien (near St. Francis wood)
blowdart nail tube, polished rocks, goldfish pond, MG (typed up story)
baby brother (Gregory Lawrence) at age 8. born 12-3-79. “conception day” (9 months before)
Big Brother. Uncle Jesse. Jesse's girl. Uncle Tom. Mr. T.
Hennessy. Aunty Christ. Rose is a rose. Sister Christian. Rose's lime juice.
801 is where my dad (he, and my grandpa also, “Mr. T”) grew up (b/w Monterey and Ocean)
corner of manor and darien: “lord” of manor. “gulf of darien (g.o.d.)” (m.a.d.?)
Went to St. Stephen's grammar school, walked/biked to/from (near Stonestown)
recycled aluminum at Reynolds, distributed flyers, onion sacks, can-crusher in alley.
Fence windmills made nearby, lumberjack purchased, placed on fence.
Cub Pack 351 (founded? By grandpa T) (met at Commodore Sloat school) (still there?)
paper clip chains, halloween costume contest (robot), balsa car/rocket derby, scout-o-rama tickets
Troop 14 (CR rival to troop 351, founded by Dad)
night hike, snow/ski trip, trek, SRH, canoe trip, patrol outings (e.g. exploratorium), CR
1985 National Jamboree, patch collection
Made cars, boat (models); Steve Toloski's garage; nerf football; hide n seek; Aptos baseball;
Painted, built blue bmx bicycle (bicycle builder's bible), after yellow schwinn w/ banana seat
stickers, valve caps, purchased blue Oakley grips, rode track at lake merced golf course, big cranks
bicycle won from S-O-R tickets left in front of garage, stolen; sleeping bag, backpack, walkie talkies
bought unicycle at san jose flea market, brought to UCD, CR; sword missing, too.
Mike Nathan's band (drummer) (barracuda), SS class of '85. Irish Cultural Center reunion. Dance.
Led Zeppelin records from Heath White; record collection: given to Harv (Doug Biggert), Sacto:
Phil Collins, Miami Vice, Y&T (red snake art record), Scorpions, Def Leppard,
The Who, Kinks, Bob Segar, Rush, Genesis, Jethro Tull
painted (red, black) soap-box car, with rope steering; down Darien, birthday party toys, e.g. water rockets, homies, parachutists, corgi/matchbox/hotwheels, corvettes; lambo poster; framed boat pics in blue bedroom; dragon bat-shooter; choose your own adventure books; book with hero named 'jesse'.
private investigators, with Miwa Matsuno; misha and mai; basketball in garage, literotica (Anais)
king of the hill, dodgeball, foursquare, benefit run, halloween parade, fighting Crotty, Wong.
(bike) Jumping the dip at Aptos, St. Stephen's; wheelies with Mike Ruane, garage door secret,
Matt Fambrini and Brandon Sargent and Roland Dubai and ginger ale lady and Michael (motorcycle)
Andrini? Steve Toloski's friend (Steve?) Monica Madden. Christine Fuentes. Wyatt. Dirk. Edwards'.
Walgreens, black three on the tree Mercury comet, scratch, church/bar across street, vader-c interface.
Steve Hackney, Dunek, Heuser, Mazzola, Malakis, Pacelli, Pittenger

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Me Stuff

Identity, Attainments, and Current Reading list

Who Am I?

there's a lot of ways to answer this question:
my body, my mind, my name, roles I play, what I do
nature/nurture, my dna, experiences, dreams, relationships
virgo, boar, INTJ, single heterosexual
empty, no-self, impermanent
what I eat (plus meds, vitamins), less what I excrete
consciousness, subconscious, operative spells, beliefs
what I read, what i think/feel
a human being, a god, a man, an adult, an ex, a friend
roles: a blogger, a writer, a thinker, a reader, a philosopher
   a dogwalker, a schizo, an audiophile, nature-lover
  an uncle, a son, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, a roommate
  an American, a Berkeley resident, a democrat, pro-life
  poor, but not in debt; comfortable/content
  disabled, crazy, kaiser group member, pursuing health/sanity
  curious, intelligent, news/trivia nut, ymca member

Books I'm Reading (of late)
   none are from my list(s) (!)

Best Buddhist Writing 2004
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, by Shunryu Suzuki
The Compass of Zen, by ("zen master") Seung Sahn
Don't Feed the Monkey Mind, by Jennifer Shannon, lmft
Authentic Happiness, by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D.
Shrinks, by Jeffrey A. Lieberman MD
The Jesuit Guide to (almost) Everything, by James Martin sj
Geography of Madness, by Frank Bures
Death, by Casey Jarman
Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen Oyeyemi
Dave Barry Slept Here (a sort of history of the united states)
The Circle, by Dave Eggers
Straight Man, by Richard Russo
Yoga's Healing Power, by Ally Hamilton
The World's Religions, by Huston Smith
A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson
Attack of the Killer Facts, Eric Grzymkowski
The Best American Mystery Stories, 2016
Atlas
    I just bought one for 8.99, worth $80 new, from the goodwill
   (Oxford, 17th edition)

Attainments

4.0 high school/college preparatory; 1260 sat
Integrated Studies (ucd freshman honors program)
IR (int'l relations) degree, Spanish minor from UCDavis
BSA Eagle Scout
Cal alumni scholarship
Boston College Book Award
SI journalism award
NRA sharpshooter
Wagwalker
Uncle Jesse
top salesman 1980-81-82
blog

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Spells

(about spells)

spells about spells:
1. music (compacted emotion); each song is a spell
2. reality ("spells within spells")
3. a period of time ("for a spell")
4. spelling (orthography), because words cast spells
5. Gospel! the etymology is "God's spell."  did you know that?
6. letters (do they "let", like a vampire?)
     (i.e. 26 suckers/vampires, one for each letter of the alphabet)
     (true and original reality is, in fact, wordless)
7. whatever you get lost in!
      (e.g. books, magazines, tv shows, youtube/ted videos, movies)
8. the hypnosis of everyday life

you should be aware of which spells you're under, are operative
and which ones are competing for your soul!
(e.g. religious beliefs, memes, morality propositions/laws)

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Weird Names

in groups

French, Holland, Israel, India, Peggy T (egypt?)
Pon, Bishop, Castle, King
Koran, Shiva, Jesus
Duv, Kat
Fire, Sun, Starr, Starfire, Solinsky
Buffy, Tick, Red, Vicky
Brandy, Hennessy
tu, Four, (jean)nine
Mr. T, uncle Tom, aunty Christ, uncle Jesse

and
dag ridded evil, satan cross (David and Stan A)
(anagrams for names of california deputy attorneys general)
(i know a Devan Cross, too)

Medications

what you should know

1)how many are you taking (e.g. I'm taking 2)
2)what are they called? (e.g. zyprexa, risperdal)
     (also called olanzapine and risperidone)
     (why do drugs have 2 names?)
3)what are they for? (what do they treat?)
     (e.g. zyprexa is an antipsychotic)
     (risperidone is for anxiety, I believe)
4)dosage (e.g. 30 mg zyprexa; 2x15mg tablets)
                       (1mg risperidone; 1/2 tablet)
5)frequency (e.g. nightly)

those are the main things

but also,
6)side-effects
7)interaction-effects
  (e.g. alcohol "de-potentiates" my medications;
                       i.e. reduces the effectiveness of)
   (i'm told not to drink/take grapefruit juice, either)

and finally,
the last consideration,
people and circumstances change,
so you shouldn't be wedded to a (set of) prescription(s):
   (adjustments are sometimes necessary/better/helpful)

some people can self-medicate
but doctors are supposed to know their shit

Saturday, May 20, 2017

crypto-christianity

Jesus Christ!

Hey Zeus, Jesu it (Jess, you? it),
jesse teshara: see sj, as earth: am earth? mirth!
(Chuy=chewy, like eucharist (eu a christ),
Isai, I Isa (annointed with oil/chrism) (anybody can be christ)
    just like anybody can be a buddha?
    geezus (also 2, like gawd is also 8)
Jesse, Je suis, JC.  I am.  who? am.   JZ.  jazzy.  juicy, lol

Christmas on 25th (Jesus =2, Christ =5)
    1,5,1,3,1
    3,8,9,9,1,2
(numerology, sum the sums, summertime!)
BE! (2, 5)
jesse means "god makes forget"
and
"the whole office of the eucharist"
(t.w.o. of it)
numbers: numb, brr (cold: see old)(the holy see?)
    fat her (f at her, pregnant), sun, and hole spear it...

paint (evokes crucifixion, pain T, t is a cross)
pain is Pa in (get out dad, G.o.d.?)
manicure, i cure man
  (paint your fingernails, fin (the end) gr (anger) nails (!)
the crux of the issue (issue, god coming, get nailed, passion)
you would be cross, too, if you were nailed to a tree
"crossing over", cross the street (st =saint)
couch, like paint: c-ouch (either christ ouch, or (c)3 nails)
rabbit, rabbi T.   are abbot.  rabbi abbot.  the rabbit hole.
how deep? honda! (spanish for deep) (han, duh.  chinese, of course)
sit! (speaking in tongues)
tissue (t-issue), trip (t-rip; cross rest in peace)

afterlife (=dead)
undead(=alive)
vampire, ima perv. blood=be lewd.  drink= dr ink
mr, dr, vr =49 (jesse teshara= 1,5,11,5 (jesse=4). 2,5,1,8,1,9,1 (teshara=9)
the count (peerage, baseball, math, counter)

hurt (her T)
window pane (wind ow pain) (god moved over face of deep)
allow (all ow); god allows all to ow
pillow (pill ow) (e.g. inauthenticity?)
bow wow; how now brown cow; cat's meow
suffer (sough fur)
   sough=sound made by wind in trees (e.g. fir tree)

U be trippin'
sanity has saint in it
trip= T (cross) + RIP (rest in peace)
church= ch (clear head) you are (clean heart)
heaven=ave hen (like ave maria)
   (dirt bath, really enjoying getting down to, embracing the, earth)
hell= propane fire (for pain?)

Saturday, May 13, 2017

some theology


 On God, by God

The concept of God is useful, even if the reality of God is imaginary. A being that has lived always, exists everywhere, can do anything, knows everything/everyone, created the universe, and is perfectly good may seem a bit improbable (!). The concept exists, and thus God is a virtual reality, like vampires or unicorns or hobbits or vogons or elves or gnomes or pixies or fairies or anything else you might encounter in a book, movie, dream, campfire skit, play, song, or tv show. Some people, I imagine, actually believe in these things. A vampire (read: psychotic criminal) on drugs might dream of machine-elves... Humans are creative, and life would be boring without fiction. But does God exist, really and truly? God's name is I AM, so that doesn't help. If we become our names, then maybe so too does God become existent, in a weird way. We must ask what's in a name. If God's name was I Ain't, would He still exist? A rose is a rose by any other name! One can't help but perform some mental gymnastics to make God real, to reify the concept. If we define God as the source of all goodness, then we are impelled to believe, or else live in a world without goodness. A world without love is indeed a world lacking a source of happiness, and the bible says God is love (cite). What it is: what is is. If God is love, is love God? Is is an equals, or an arrow flowing in only one direction? You grok? And then, the question follows, can one be in true love with an atheist? Of course! The God of philosophers and theologians sometimes masquerades as the emotional state of love-bliss, just as heaven is experienced as mere happiness, and a soul is in fact a body. And finally, to quote Adi Da Samraj, “Reality is all the God there ever is.” Virtual reality is a part of reality, just like fiction is a real genre at your local library, and dreams can seem more real than the mundane experience of life. Is life but a dream (merrily), and if so, who is doing the dreaming? God is a word, a term, a concept, a part of hypnotic happiness psychology, as well as a way to endow your opinions with greater authority, a way to inculcate values in youth (and society in general), and a part of creating (an adaptive) community with shared (professed) beliefs. Furthermore, God only exists if we make him real; we, ourselves, our bodies, are our only reality, so to make God we have to become Him. It's a role, a part, an identity, a path to the possibility of perfection. For me, that's why God both exists and doesn't, simultaneously. So don't ask me if I believe in God! I don't, but I do: I believe in myself. And I believe existence is good. Also, the bible states God is One. Money is an anagram for 'my one.' God wants us to be happy, and “whoever says money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop!”

path to perfection is longer for some:
And sure as hell, there is virtue in suffering, as well, for unrepentant (self-identified) demons whose karma requires a long hard road out of hell, as punishment and disincentive to committing further evil. Of course, the punishment should fit the crime, and be proportional to the degree of the misdeed's depravity.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Retirement Activity Ideas

for you, Dad
(with 10 links)

lawn bowling (stern grove), ride buses, trivia cards, tv, books (library book club?), fishing, music, movies, other religion services, travel, restaurants, volunteer (riordan?), flea market, thrift stores, some kind of hobby, get crafty, be a student yerself (adult school?), festivals/fairs/parades, museums, magic shows, do magic yourself, card games, comedy, baseball games, circus, zoo, blog!, cook, exercise.

Elaboration
music: library cd's, itunes radio, actual am/fm radio, pandora, tv?, youtube.  also, podcasts, joe frank (website), talk shows (e.g. philosophy talk, npr (npr.org),  (i use cordless headphones, which can also be used for tv, or roommate respect)

read: (library/book store), (big print), short stories? book club (library, church), kids books! (newbery winners?), favorite authors, librarian recommended, favorite topic(s)/genre, magazines, newspaper(s), joke books!, humor websites (onion, comedy central joke archive, reader's digest joke website)

video: movie theater, netflix (on tv), youtube videos, ted talks (ted.com)
(e.g. laurel and hardy, marx brothers, monty python, etc.)

play: big bubbles, fly a kite, model train museum, playground/beach, gg park, pedal boat

comedy: pandora comedy channel, go to standup club, live?  

wikipedia has a list of bay area museums, link
(there are 52 in SF alone)

weird stuff: taiko drums, wrestling, monster trucks, demolition derby, sumo wrestling, video store, pier 39, cribbage, solitaire, videogames, online classes (e.g. -free!- open yale courseware), sports: dogfish (bay area pro ultimate frisbee team), san jose sharks.

walk, exercise bicycle, meditation instruction, Dan's plays, horseshoes, tai chi, pool exercise class, origami, birdwatch, join (or start up) a meetup group (meetup.com), stretch/ yoga, e-bay.

Go Slow! (motto of Caye Caulker, Belize)
do nothing :-)
park bench, people watch, relaxed conversation 

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Marcel the Monkey


Once upon a time, there was a monkey named Marcel. Marcel the monkey enjoyed bananas, swinging from tree branches in the forest, and whooping and hollering as loud as he could. He hated all the other monkeys, you see, and wanted to be a gorilla instead. But he was a monkey, and no amount of screaming would transform him into anything else. So he hated himself. A mere monkey!

Then a monk came along, and told him to key to being a monk was thinking of yourself as a monkey. And this was the weirdest thing Marcel had ever heard! A human monk thought of himself as a lower life form? an animal? A chimp? A monkey, no less? Why would he stop there? Maybe he should be an ant! A fly! Or a protozoan! So Marcel threw a banana at him. But the monk was happy, and was not bothered. He cultivated equanimity during meditation just for times like these. He enjoyed being a monkey. And monkeys are known to throw worse things than bananas!

Then Hanuman, the Hindu monkey God, heard about all this, in his heavenly realm, and decided to have some fun with these two. Real monkeys like to play! And as a God, he toyed with people, you see. So he hatched a plan to make Marcel appear glorious and godly to the monk, so he would be worshipped and praised and elevated to the status of a deity, like Hanuman. Then Hanuman could pretend to be Marcel, with riotous results! A switcheroo. Ha ha.

It was late at night, and Marcel and the monk were telling stories at the campfire, roasting marshmallows, of course. A talking monkey, you say? Well, of course. I'm writing this story, and that makes me a God of sorts. I can do that. I can make Gods into monkeys, monkeys into gorillas, and monks into hot dogs! (make me one with everything!) Anyway, as I was saying, they were seated around the crackling fire, watching the sparks rise into the heavens, and feeling groggy at the end of the day, as bedtime neared, enjoying their toasted goo, and pondering each others' clever words. Their eyes got heavy, and they nodded off, into a restful slumber, unbothered by anyone, be it monk, monkey, gorilla, or god. They fell into a state of deep relaxation, dreaming of a magical colorful land completely unlike anything in their earthly experience, full of castles and giants and strange creatures, like apemen and monkeydogs and spidermonkeys and horsefish. Morpheus, the God of dreams (and a friend of Hanuman) conjured up this shared realm, to blur the boundaries between man and beast, and make life more fun for everybody, in the process. A God of light should be a god of enlightenment, too, don't you think? Everybody was everything, in this world, and it was crowded, but it didn't feel full. Whales and krill were equals, here, as were Gods and men, or even Pedro the protozoa with Morpheus Himself! But morning approached, and all good things must come to an end. Back to life, back to reality, back to the forest, where the two awoke to a stranger sleeping nearby, who eventually introduced himself as Hank (who you might have guessed was in fact Hanuman), a forest ranger who chastised them for not being safer with their fire, and doing more to prevent forest fires (Hank was a bear of a man!). But no harm, no foul, as the fire had cooled to ashes, and all the forest creatures sang their praises for another delightful night in the company of the Gods.

So the monkey (Marcel), the monk (who had no name), and the monkey God H (Hanuman, who was undercover in the form of Hank), decided to go fishing for gar in the nearby creek. I see a gar! Said Garcia (which is what the monk decided to call himself). So the three ate. Which kind of made them eleven! (to the elves, anyway, who were not the best mathematicians). And the gar were gar-rrrr-ate! If you have never eaten gar with hot sauce (and monks never leave home without hot sauce), you really haven't lived, they all agreed. They became fast friends. “Marcel, why don't you like your fellow monkeys?” inquired Hank (who already knew the answer) “they seem like nice fellows to me!” Well, they stink, and they throw poo, and they eat bugs, and they never pick up their banana skins, and they're ugly, and not nearly as strong and good-looking as gorillas. Did I mention they throw poo? They throw poo!

You have a monkey-mind, my friend, said Hank, and you should not dwell on the less pleasing aspects of your kind. Monkeys are strong and beautiful in their own way, especially to other monkeys, so it is disturbing and strange that you yourself do not admire those who look most like you! What would you do if you were the God of monkeys, and could shape-shift at will into any form you choose?
You mean like Hanuman? He's a jerk! I asked him to make me into a Gorilla, I asked him nicely, and he didn't do ANYthing. Not one thing! I could be king of this jungle, but instead I'm just a stupid monkey!
Well, I'm sure Gods have their own rules, and changing species seems unnatural, if you ask me, replied H. Some things are better than being a gorilla, though, no?
If I may interject, said the monk... You, Marcel are a unique and amazing talking monkey, and your fur shines like the sun, your eyes sparkle like a brook, and your face appears to me as more glorious even than that of the finest maidens in my village, who I swear are in fact quite comely. I did not notice your true nature until just today, and I am awestruck by your exceedingly wise, bright, and -I must say- superior nature. I would even say you are like as to a God! (Hanuman had cast his spell, you see, on the monk).
I don't want to be a God! I want to be a gorilla! I want to be king of the jungle!!

Poof! Marcel turned into a lion, then ate the monk, just like that, at which all the birds erupted in beautiful song. Hank turned himself into a gorilla, and climbed onto a tree above this menacing lion. Will you eat me, too? I am strong, handsome, and some monkeys think I am the true king of the jungle! The lion, being a cat, was now wily, and decided gorillas might be tasty, he had never eaten one, so he yawned, made like he was going to nap, then sprang on the gorilla unawares a few minutes later, as his guard was down, and found this God's flesh to be truly delectable, unlike as to anything he had ever eaten before, something all lions would be blessed to enjoy throughout eternity, as a worthy sacrifice to the truly royal, regal, kingly, and kind Lion, king of the Beasts, lord of life, love, and all.

Note: I got tired, and created this ending to expedite an early finish. You are free to create alternate endings!

Life

a cereal? a magazine? a 100 years?

Life is Good

Life is good, except when it's bad
unless it's All Good
which is really just a way of saying life is good
instead of a philosophical judgement on Reality-
It's always now
so make now good
here and now, you and me, reader and writer
me, time-travelling into the future, your present
a gift! My words, some of my time, my thought-
readable in less time than it took to write
efficient wisdom transference (transferral?)
unless you knew all this, already
which I suppose is likely
oh well

Life Sucks

Life is pain and hardship and suffering and woe
agony and torment and misery and anguish and despair
and loss. Cruelty and wickedness! Deceit and depravity.
Corruption, rottenness, sadness, depression, oppression
slavery, incarceration, punishment, savagery, terror, anxiety
fear, worry, stress, boredom, ignorance, stupidity-
the mean is mean
the average is enraged
the normal is not moral
and fictional monster Hannibal Lecter, larger than life,
feels really real
And being a buddhist, enlightenment often feels far off
But never fear! Nirvana is here! (hear?)
a mosquito, my libido
the blood is the life?
Music and vampires and movies make evil palpable
in an otherwise boring daily routine
until it all blows up, explodes
like MOAB, or Hiroshima, or the sun, someday.

Time
tick talk, tic tock
thyme keeps on flavoring, flavoring, flavoring, into the future
ha!

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Happiness, Revisited

yet again

Happiness
not depressed, sad, mourning
not anxious, worried, stressed
not sick, ill, diseased
not in a rut: variety, excitement
in love, loved, loving; friendships
relationships: equality, acceptance, respect, kindness, compassion
mercy, forgiveness, new beginnings
equanimity, discernment, awareness
peace, freedom, liberty, liberation
alive, awake, aware
strong, healthy, fit, sane, well
joyful, bliss, of good cheer
humor, frivolity, merriment
wine, women, and song
sex, drugs, and rock n roll
smiling, laughing, playing
singing, dancing, playing (music, an instrument)
music (listening): cd's/itunes/pandora/youtube/radio/records
satisfied, content, safe/secure
fun, games, winning
sports, comedy, concerts
drama/movies/tv
exercise, look good/feel good, endorphins
compliments, positivity, appreciation/gratitude
stimulus, naps, meditation
chill out/ veg/ do nothing
food: delicious, nutritious, and fun to eat
go to bed tired, awake refreshed
standup (live/tv/radio), skits (campfires/snl/comedy movie genre), joke (books/websites/friends)
rich, beautiful, successful
travel, restaurants, conversation / new languages
roller coasters, water skiing, skydiving
surfing, mountain climbing, swimming/suntanning
yoga, bicycling, weight lifting / bodybuilding
fly a kite, lawn bowling, big bubbles
billiards, bowling, horseshoes
reading: books, papers, magazines, websites/blogs
museums, libraries, zoos/dog parks
spirituality, community, religion
hiking, camping, birdwatching / horseback riding
creativity, art, ballet, writing, video
invent something, start a business
acting, be someone new, play a role
candy, costumes, gifts, surprise, parties, celebration

The Opposites Of:

loneliness, isolation, alienation
addiction, alcoholism, compulsion, obesity
suffering, torment, agony, pain, hell, misery
war, torture, death, sickness, anguish
adversity, discontent, poverty, disrespect
famine, drought, hunger, thirst, malnutrition, starvation
criminality, vice, sin, wickedness, evil, depravity, abortion
insanity, neurosis, depression, suicide, meaninglessness
cynical, pessimistic, negative; stress, anxiety, worry, fear, terror
ignorance, stupidity, incuriosity, delusion
arrogance, sloth, deceit, animosity, disgust, greed, corruption
slavery, incarceration, hopelessness/despair, giving up
nightmares, horror, ugliness, cruelty, brutality, rape, murder
hostility, spite, malice, malevolence, anger, hatred, rage, wrath, fury
revenge, abuse, violence, killing, homicide, assassination, execution

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Perfection

Perfection process (exactly the way you are?)

perfect information. (speed reading, book+/day) (internet, libraries)
Perfect body: ideal fitness routine/variety.
Perfect mind: sanity, understanding of psychology
Self-defense mastery (aikido).
Enough money for lifetime of food/shelter/healthcare (no worries)
happiness: for no reason whatsoever, Go Slow.
     Enough sleep, meditation, blogging, naps, and music
     fun, play, laughter, joy, bliss
     relationships: (not hellish) actually pleasant, satisfying.
          friendships, love

Variety!:
travel, restaurants, people, activities, employment, exercise, books

ever-improving, meliorism, progress, betterment, growing wealth
swim, yoga, walking, bicycling, lifting, improving health
nature, hiking, camping; refresh the spirit

-------
always a work-in-progress, in process
            (seeking improvement, closer to -unattainable?- perfection)
God is the only perfect being, by definition.
So maybe I'll get there, making Self = God. 
perfection, like happiness, could be all in your head.
(earned, from life experience; not a (dangerous!) H high short-cut)
making both (self, world) a better place

----
my voice keeps saying "fucking ow" (ad nauseum)
which makes me wonder about the synchronicity of torture with my own life-

but could be 10 (other) things: (literally, sex+pain):
1.misfit (too big, too small), 2.abortion, 3.rape, 4.childbirth, 5.anal sex
and more, i just thought of (writing helps!): 
6.sti/std/vd, 7. broken heart / cheating 8. death of a loved one
9."fuck-king of the world" or 10. fucking out of this world!
also, 11. (sex+pain: Spain)

some related deconstructions-
pain (pa in), own (ow n), world (ow are lethal dose), or (war lethal dose)
owl, hour, down, pow, row, bow, crow, dow, mow, how, who, cow, low, now, sow, tow, vow
bowel, cowl, dowel, foul, howl, jowl, powell, towel,
out, rout, bout, flout, pout, stout, spout
(pane, propane, panel)(hurt -her T)
mao
and so on and so forth, etc., you get the idea!

devil is to lived as dealer ow is to world

Monday, April 17, 2017

The Truth, as I See It

A Mix of Spells
 
I'm an animal, a product of evolution, programmed to survive and reproduce, and simply solving problems of logistics, moving things around, which is all any of us ever really do. We move money and ideas and dogs around, for example, but it's still just things; people are things, bodies (not souls), and we're all going to die (and, in fact, are always dying). That is the reality, and reality is all the god there ever is. God is good, the source of goodness, and we ourselves are the only reality we can ever experience. So we make our own lives good, better, best. We are each a You-niverse unto ourselves. Of course, we fall in love, have sex, have kids, raise families, fight wars, and eventually age, get sick, die and cease to exist, for ever and ever, always, dust unto dust, eternal Oblivion. Impermanence is a fact of life, a law of reality. So do whatever the fuck you want, you only live once. And we're all in the same boat. You are under no obligation to think, say, do, or be anything. And that is a kind of freedom. Of course, there is law and police. Public opinion, courts, judges... So you might want to craft for yourself a good reputation, and live as if you will be rewarded an afterlife of heavenly bliss, that long, unending, heroin high in the sky. And who's to say? Maybe you will. I don't claim to be omniscient, so make up your own mind what spells you want to live under, whether Christian immortality in Heaven, or Buddhist enlightened nirvana until your flame goes out, or atheist certitude in the primacy of self in an uncaring universe, or even an Antichrist or Vampire, feeding off the suffering of your fellow man, or what-have-you. All of the above! I kind of like my current, evolving, philosophy that we're all Gods, bumping universes into each other, and we never die because we were never actually alive to begin with, being composed of non-sentient matter, that gets magically re-arranged by our dna into consciousness, the cooperation of eyes, ears, skin, mouth, nose, and linguistic brain into the stream we think is so special (but maybe rocks or atoms are alive, too; A lot of people think water is conscious...). Well, whatever.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

On God's Mind


Do I exist? Do you? Do any of us? Are we all figments of God's imagination? Mm, figs/mints. Is life a dream? Are dreams from the subconscious, Morpheus (the god of dreams) or what? Are we all parts of one consciousness? Is it all good? Is immortality possible? Desirable? Time-travel? Can we all be equally happy (whether a Sudanese refugee, or Bill Gates!)?  We're all in this together.  Can basic need be met for all of humanity? Universal health care? Clean water, nutritious food, shelter/clothing/bedding, sanitation, and peace? I believe security and comfort can be realized for everyone. And there should be libraries and internet for everybody, too, in my opinion. Needless suffering ought to be minimized to as close to zero as possible! And everybody should enjoy life, with love and gratitude and fun and play and laughter, and activities like dating, yoga, aikido, bodybuilding, reading, music, zoos, museums, plays, sports, movies, restaurants, travel, volunteering, massage, and of course television. Jobs should be satisfying and enjoyable as well as rewarding. Prisoners shouldn't suffer. And everybody should get along, no matter what religion, race, country, culture/language, or politics people belong to or identify with. Is reality all the God there ever is? Are we our own realities (a multiverse of You-niverses)?  Is there a being worthy of being called a God? Is he (or she) really omniscient? Or omnipotent? Is everybody me? Can a being who does not have sex be called God, who is love? Is the bible full of shit? Is everyone?

Monday, April 10, 2017

About Me

My Life lately,
by Jesse L Teshara

I sit. I'm sitting. House-sitting, in Oakland, for Sara and Pierre. They, their just-turned 3 y.o. son Augustus, and Pierre's dad, Peter, are in Portugal. I am dog-sitting, for their french bulldog, Poutine, a wheezy, neurotic thing that needs to wear a cone at all times (except of course eating/drinking) because she scratches her face, and compulsively licks her paws, which I'm told could result in amputation. She's a dumb dog to begin with, but she doesn't understand her menace to herself. I walk her 3x daily. I am a professional dogwalker. I walk other dogs, too. I am self-employed, an independent contractor, for Wag! (the “uber of dogwalking”), which uses cellphones and satellites to track your walk's route, in real-time, for the owner to see where you go. At the end of the walk, you write a report and submit a picture of yourself with the dog (you get an extra dollar if you wear the t-shirt and put a bandana on the dog, for advertising). In addition to the route, the report says how far you walked, with a checklist of whether the dog peed/pooped, and if the door is locked. I started with Wag! In March of last year (it's April '17). I've earned $5288.10 from them, so far. I've walked Rilo, Winnie, Sage, Brussel, Orion, Tallulah, Rex, Buckley, Kaleb, Kado, Indy, Zephyr, Louie, Buddy, Peggy, Toshi, Frankie, Tank, Sparkle, Myka, Scruffy, Ulla, LT, Dinosaur, Rutherford, Echo, Abner, Ollivander, Bear, Huxley, Tutt, Moxie, Maple, Paparazzi, Hazel, Poppy, Ray Charles, and Cody (38 dogs), with Wag.

I also walk outside of Wag. Fido and Taco preceded them, and are ongoing, although Taco has cancer and Fido is getting old. They live in San Leandro, and I usually walk them on Tuesdays, after eating a pastor taco or two at Los Pericos, nearby, as part of my routine. So, in additon to Poutine, Fido and Taco, and Kaleb, I walk Junie, who lives a block away from me, for Teresa, the owner who I met through Sara, who uses her home Pilates equipment and used to work with her at Berkeley Ballet Theater. I'm not very good at identifying breeds, so I've omitted that, you may have noticed. 

I listen to music every day. I have an Apple MacBook, and the itunes has thousands of radio stations, in different genres and categories (free!). I like college radio, and I skip around between Cal radio (which is also on the fm airways), and MIT (wmbr), Princeton (wprb), Harvard (whrb), CalPolySLO (kcpr), UCDavis (kdvs), Yale (wybcx), Stanford (kzsu), UCSanta Cruz (kzsc), and gdradio.net (Grateful Dead radio). That's ten, which seems apt (listen!). There's also Clave (in Argentina) and Musique (in France), which are pretty good. Occasionally, I listen to stand-up comedy. I watch very little tv, usually only at the gym or at Sara's. I go to the library almost every day, and usually have more than one book checked out. I have a subscription to the Economist, which I supplement with the daily New York Times, (at the library) and the weekly Christian Science Monitor (online). I get daily news from the Washington Post in my email. I also get daily email trivia, vocabulary, a daily poem, and book excerpts. Wikipedia is fun to surf, and I do, frequently. I have thousands of trivia cards, and the J! Archive (from the tv show Jeopardy) website has, I'm told, enough questions to take up 3 months of my life. My book lists will take even longer (1001, 501, and all the Newbery winners (since 1922). There's also Bloom's Canon, which is a whole other ball of wax. A book a day would take like 5 years, but I'm not a speed-reader, so it will take much longer. I also want to be proficient at Aikido, and do yoga, and bodybuild, while eating (mostly) vegetarian.  I have a gym membership at the local YMCA.  Dating, of course, is in the mix, but I'm 45, and not very motivated. If I can overcome schizophrenia, that would be the best. I'm told it's “chronic, episodic.” So we'll see. I've got a lot going on. 

Will I find a woman and job I love? Will I get better? Will I finish my reading list? Will I have a family of my own? A house? No matter, I'm doing okay as is, as Uncle Jesse to nephews, Augustus, and Esme. (missing a C). I'm Chuy (Jesus, Isai). I like writing my blog, and I wonder if I can make it into a published book. Between The Secret (by Rhonda Byrne), Think and Grow Rich (by Napolean Hill), and Master the Game (by Anthony Robbins), that might be a good start to an even more lucrative, rewarding career in the future. I won the Journalism award in high school. Maybe I should discipline myself to be a writer. I DO enjoy it! How to be God, lol. Just Be Good! (Just Be). :-)

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Weighing in on the important stuff

chips v. popcorn, yoga v. jogging, and cats v. dogs-people?

all good, but
chips, yoga, dogs!

popcornopolis makes some good stuff.
   is there still a jolly time kettle corn?
running used to be fun, but now i'm more into yoga.
cats are fun, but i'm just more of a dog person.
  kittens v. puppies?  ooh, that's hard.

Weird word ward

bunny snowshoes! (buenos noches, good night)
G is us, cry sss (hey Zeus) (happy wholly weak)
eye key dough, thai cuando, carrot tea, jew git sue
uke a wrist, way for, cum union
porch a gal, you knighted stay 8, Q bah
mechanics taco, empty can (can nada) (nada = nothing)

and so on, tbc

How Dogs Enhance Our Lives

this post was requested by my friend Pat

They wag. They smile. They're warm and friendly, and fun to pet. They need you. You get outside more often, and get some exercise. It's humbling (you have to pick up poop). It's kind of a reminder that humans are only animals, too. They can be good with kids, and teach responsibility (a step up from maintaining plants). They can be guide dogs for the blind. They can be rescue dogs, for people lost on mountains, or trapped in fallen rubble. They can track criminals. They can detect drugs. They can provide comfort to people in hospitals. They have a superpower: super-smell, which can be used to find things. They can guard your property. They can bark at trespassers. They can attack enemies. They can be useful in war. And they can love you back, be good for the lonely, and a way to meet people at dog parks or on the street (a better way than smoking, I would say). They can sleep on your bed, and be trained to do things, like sit, stay, roll over, shake, heel, fetch, and even stand. They can be fun to watch, entertaining, goofy. Sometimes they lick your face. They have personalities. They can usually understand more than 100 words. They help the economy, for dogfood, pet toys, veterinary services, and dog-walkers/sitters/boarding. Pets are people, too, right dawg? Going to the dogs, doggone-it, isn't really such a bad thing. Dog is to God as devil is to lived. Hopefully I'm not writing doggerel. Dogs are cool, and that's some of God's dogma. Life's a bitch, and then you die. Woof!

aside:
The FCI (world canine organization) recognizes 339 breeds of dog.  Some are cute, some are ugly, some big, others small (called "toy" dogs), some are used for hunting, others for herding, while others (in asia) are used for food, themselves.  They have health problems, both physical and mental, like humans.  And I've read that some can smell disease (cancer?) through the skin of their owners.  The onion just joked about a dog waiting before eating his dead owner's face.  Some dogs will refuse food after the death of their owner until they die as well (dog suicide).  There's dog racing, and dogfighting.  'movies about dogs' is an interesting google search.   This, too.  There are smart dogs, and dumb dogs.   I've heard about a dog that watches tv.  There was a tv show about 'Dog' the bounty hunter (and Snoop Dogg is now Snoop Lion). (I haven't read my Cat Warren book about dogs yet).  We all have dogs in our mouths (k9's), lol.  

interesting bit o' science:
Are dogs descended from wolves?  "It turns out that today's dog breeds may not have evolved from the gray wolf, at least not the kind of gray wolf that exists today.  A study in the current issue of PLoS genetics suggests that, instead, dogs and gray wolves share a common ancestor in an extinct wolf lineage that lived thousands of years ago."

Friday, April 7, 2017

today

Thursday, April 6, 2017