atheists going to hell

God weighs in
(the vatican recently corrected (?) the Pope on this)

atheists don't believe god exists
but i bet they believe love exists
if only when "making love"
so probably there's just a misunderstanding
i love myself, which is just another way of making myself god.

but for love to endure, all the time, some help is necessary-
we can all use a little help from our friends (the church),
with our relationships, even if only our relationship with ourselves.
they have an amazing program of spells and hypnotic rituals,
that can make believers out of children, priests, billions of adults,
and couples whose love is maintained and grown in a religious context.

self-reliance might not be enough.
two gods married to each other are bound to have some epic conflict,
unless one or both submit to a "higher power"
god the father (catholic priests are called Father)
looks after/over (altars are usually elevated) his flock of sheeple,
hears confession, offers advice and wisdom,
jokes, and interpretation of the "word of god".
Some people have "high-powered perception",
like the fictional hannibal lecter.
a lector is a reader in the catholic mass, by the way.

the church believes in a postulated (not proved),
preternatural (outside/beyond nature, or highly abnormal),
supernatural, immortal being.
Which is just a way, to me, of saying that all of reality has it's own consciousness.
Reality is immortal, lol.

just as sperm have consciousness, or the fauna in our gut (with it's own dna) does its own thing, there are different "levels" of consciousness: such as shared, heightened consciousness between two people during sex, or a "body" politic, or a colony of ants, or a country at war, or an ecosystem, or a family at dinner, or the way people's conversation intermingles at a restaurant, etc.  Mass is just another communal experience.  Literally.   I think sub-atomic particles have their own kind of life, feeling good or otherwise.  Food can be "crazy good" or "insanely delicious", which can be interpreted madly.

Great food is Gr-eat.  You know what I "mean".  The eucharist is a way of becoming one with the universe.   Jesse, the whole office of the eucharist.  Jesus, lord of hosts.  L or D, life or death.  One piece (third?) of the puzzle that is the trinity.  The universe is infinite (the only thing that is, in fact), so reality is God.  You'll be dead forever.  Wormfood for just a short time.  But just as the "body of christ" is the body of christian believers, outlasting Jesus himself, just as a book outlives its author, so too, they say, souls outlive our bodies.

I don't believe this.  I also don't believe in myself.  God is an atheist, lol.  I actually believe in "soulmates", though. 

To explain,
I'm not always number one.  Maybe god is a rotating position.  Most powerful human.  In high school, I was ranked first in one math test, once.

I consider "God" to be like a vampyr, or vampire, a creature from folklore and superstition, which includes ghosts, angels, the devil, and underpants gnomes.  And santa, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy.  Only virtually real.  Belief is powerful (and can be contagious, too).   Roles your parents play.  God the Father (priest) plays the role of god, and that's a good thing.  These roles have elements of truth.  If they are believed, they are "true lies" (virtually true).  Put the virtue in virtual, is what I'm saying.  We live to love, so this hypnosis hits home.

The common understanding of a lie is any untruth. lying is to tell an untruth.  But there are two understandings, or definitions, of a lie.  To knowingly tell a falsehood.  A known falsehood.   A statement must be entirely true to be true.

The truth of an assertion depends on its words, and their meaning.  Meaning is fluid, both intended and received.  Something can be true/untrue, for different people?

E.g., "I am a good person"  This is not entirely true.  Kind to one person, cruel to another.   The bible says, "no one is good but God".    Be good= Do good.   Catholics have the sacrament of reconciliation.  It's a good thing.   I'm not a psychopath, so guilt draws me back to God (as other).  "surely this thing is known".   Hell is separation from God, they say.  Feeling unforgiven is a kind of hell.  Incarceration can be, too.  car.  Record.  wreck.  Gnosis.  no sis.  SS, flipped from schutzstaffel (bad) to support system (good).   Sarah Salazar.  The church has forgiven me, so I'm back on top.  God, again (if not holy, divine, sacred: respected and held in high regard).  helled.  wreck-onsillyation.  It, stephen king. I don't think I ever had a soul to lose/sell.   Do hammerhead sharks have souls?  maybe sole, eh?

Going to hell can mean suffering (like stubbing your toe or hitting your head), or causing pain for another, as in "I am going to hell you".   atheism anagrams to hateism.  Heart is hater.  If you're not forgiven, you might get a heart attack!  Don't be a hater.  It only causes pain. 

fun link from the onion about hell

getting organized

my memorial day

aka getting my shit together

exercise: in my room, walk-run-bike on the street, to the park/Y, freeweights or cardio (swim, elliptical, stationary bike).

"good"/"bad" (it's mostly just in your head): right, wrong.
right, left
healthy, sick/ill/diseased
sane, insane (legally) vs. potty, batty, goofy :-)
well, unwell
curiosity/engagement, bored/boring
communication, silence
(words, expressions, idioms, curriculum, teachers, instruction, speech, discussion)

stimulus
people (looks, charisma, sex<)
food, drugs, music, books/mags/paper
meditation, focus, multitasking

feelings
emotional:
sad/depressed/mournful; emptiness, fatalistic, nausea, sense of absurd.
happy, elated, "high", bliss, love-bliss

biochemicals
endorphins, neurotransmitters

Weird Names

of people I've met

Four (1st name)
French (last name), Holland (last), Israel (first)
Koran (first), Sheikh Threatt (full name)
Aka (Nigerian for 'hand of god')
Fire (first), Starfire (last), Siva (first)
Fries (last), Brie (first), Edom (last)
Hennessy (last), Brandi (first)
Duv (duvlaca), Kat (kaitlyn)
'Fish' is a kalx deejay.  Kathy Gill.
I saw a 'mosquito' on tv (dance show), and there's Dog, bounty hunter
There's Apple (gwyneth paltrow and chris martin's kid) and Halle Berry.  
I met a Ramen recently, and a Strawberry, too.
Bear (oso), Parrot, Tiger
Stormy (first)

thankyou God for your god, my god (!?)
thank you, yet no thank you-

happy memorial day!

 jog, jumping
learn, live, love, laugh
music, mating, monkeys, making crafts
relax, rpg's (role-playing games)
sleep, sports
tea, talk

vegan and bacon, both good

Successful Marriage

for Catholics, according to Rev. Frank Pavone
founder, Priests for Life

"In Christian marriage, one's spouse is one's "Number Two" while the only "Number One" is God.  CM.com is laying the groundwork so that in loving God, future spouses may find the only way to adequately love each other."

my interpretation-
If you're in love with life, the universe, and everything, (reality is the only God there ever is) then...
1)anybody will do
2)"Number Two" is Jesus (10,5,19,21,19) (for Frank, anyway)
3)he's making the church the "holy spirit," instead of say, Buddism
(Catholicism is the "only"? way)

I think my way, of two Gods loving each other, is just as good.
Maybe I'm wrong, though.
Things might be better if you're both manifestations of the same God.
I grok!

Iraq War

3/20/03-12/18/11 (at 4:27 coordinated universal time -UTC)

8 years, 8 months, 3weeks
2 presidents (W and B.H.O., from 1/20/11)
7888 U.S. dead (4488 military, 3400 security contractors)
1,455,590 iraqis dead -according to JustForeignPolicy.org

although
wikipedia says 37,405 iraqis dead
(11k invasion plus 26,405 post-saddam)
and
ORB (opinion research business survey/poll) says 1,033,000 idead
and
Iraq Body Count (using wikileak info) says 150,000 idead
(80% civilian)

not killed
51,139 americans injured/diseased/other medical
32,753 americans wounded

aside
360k U.S. vets suffered from TBI (traumatic brain injury)
in A/I (Iraq and Afghanistan)

I wasn't sure what this terminology referred to, exactly, so I looked up
the following (hope it helps):

-"To be hurt is to be experiencing pain It could be physical or emotional. You may feel pain from a bump on the head, a slap on the face, a pinch on the cheek but not actually be injured
-To be Injured means that there is something physically wrong as a result of the event. The injuries might be internal, and it is possible that you may not feel any pain, but there is Still something wrong.
-Wounded implies that the injury has an external component. The skin is broken and there is the presence of blood. Hurts and Injuries do not always require bandages, Wounds ALWAYS do."

Einstein quote:

("senseless brutality, deplorable love-of-country stance...It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder")

War is stupid.

But, I admit, meat is murder, and I'm still a carnivore.

Hitler was a vegetarian.

I know people are animals, but I'm no hannibal the cannibal 
(or albert fish)

Eat the rich is an Aerosmith song, and a 1987 british black comedy film.

y'know, honestly, I wouldn't mind trying barbequed human, if they died of natural causes first.
I give you permission to eat me -AFTER I die-, if you like.

Triune God

I've filled out this form in triplicate

Today, according to the (catholic) priest at Berkeley Newman, is the celebration of the Trinity

23 threesomes:

God, devil, man
heaven, hell, purgatory
father, son, holy spirit
3 nails (jesus on the cross, feet/hand/hand)
faith, hope, love
endurance, character, hope (the consequences of suffering)
oral, anal, vaginal
alive, dead, undead
past, present, future
executive, legislative, judicial
win, lose, draw
me, myself, and I
naked, wholesome, sincere
good, bad, ugly
spacetime, energy, matter
here, there, everywhere
thought, word, deed
peace, love, happiness
liberty, equality, fraternity
veni, vidi, vici
sex, drugs, and rock and roll
eat, drink, and be merry
sun, moon, and stars

"It's All Your Fault"

some a-hole told me that

sanity: it's definitely not!

but, if you suffer this delusion, and the newspaper is pronounce 'noosepaper'
and you've had enough of the litany of horror that is the daily news...
then maybe you have suicidal ideation:

numbers to call:
kaiser oakland, suicide line: 510-752-5000
kaiser oakland, psychiatric emergency: 752-1075, ext. 2
kaiser san francisco, 415-781-0500
city of berkeley Mobile Crisis Team, 510-981-5254
"leave a message on the voicemail.  We check for messages frequently"
also
510-981-5900
"for Quick Service, this number connects you to the Berkeley Police Dept, which will contact the Mobile Crisis Team for you"
TDD 510-981-5799

other N. California Suicide Prevention #'s (24 hours a day)
Sacramento, 368-3111
Auburn, 885-2300
Roseville, 773-3111
Lincoln, 645-8866
 
the national helpline is 1-800-SUICIDE

my blood is not cold.

an interesting link on EXTENDING your lifespan:
(a Ted talk, click this link)

The Pledge of Allegiance

a revised, updated, modern version

I pledge allegiance
to the flag
of the United States of the World
and to the Unity
for which it stands
One Planet
under God (or "over God", if you prefer)
indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

(don't worry, I still love America)

what i'm up to

about 6'1...

walking marcel, enjoying my new computer, making friends, reading about aikido (the elements of aikido, greg o'connor), going postal by terry pratchett (humor), the new york times, watching young 'cere on youtube (he has a cd coming out), cardio at the Y, buying a slice of pizza (papa john's), jedi bicycling through berkeley and oakland, thinking about going back to work, trying to be healthy, messaging my brother in thailand, putting up art in my room, and eating TJ and McGee food, too.

B words

"on" my mind, of late

I bike, bart, and bus
bitches, broads, babes
barbie, baby
barbeques, beers, birthdays, babies
body building, big and bad, burly and buff
black and blue and brown
bare, bear
bright, brilliant
bills
 

Julu?

synonyms for sweetheart

ravisher, smasher, stunner, peach, looker, knockout, dish, beauty, mantrap, steady, sweetie
truelove

The Next Big Thing

Page Talk (an app?)

It's this: A service where you could click a key or a button or a link, and your page will be visible to a service that has people who will read that page aloud to you, as if you were on a phone call (so you could say could u repeat that) or (what does that word mean) or (talk slower, or talk faster) or you could buy a recording of what the reader said, if you like the way (he/she) said it, especially.
Some readers might like to work for free, others paid (by hour, or by feedback rating, or -of course- Demand).

I always liked it when my dad read to me as a child, and sometimes it's more fun to hear the cadence of a voice than to be in your head all the time, reading "subvocally" as so many of us do, or being embarrassed by having people watch inexperienced readers move their lips while they read.  Spoken word can be more easily understood, sometimes.

If created, I would like to be credited as the inventor, if not the designer (my tech skills are limited to creating my blog), and hopefully get some remuneration.

What do you all think?  Has this been thought of already?
-Jesse L. Teshara

Out Patient

I have an IOP followup at Kaiser

for 3-4 weeks, MWF 9a-noon, starting F 5-17-13.
I ate a piece of a pot brownie, stupidly, because I didn't keep in mind my first experience with pot (negative: kicking a mattress repeatedly), and didn't know the potency, or what kind of pot it was (indica is mellow, while sativa can make you paranoid).  I'm guessing sativa.  Also, it may have been a factor in causing me to get a diagnosis of bipolar, then schizophrenia (my birthmom is schizophrenic, so I'm genetically susceptible/predisposed) so revisiting the stuff can't be good (for me).  The thc (tetra hydra cannabinol), or as I call it -bubonic chronic- really freaked me out.  It brought back my horrifying nightmarish experience (component, it wasn't ALL bad) in jail and Atascadero State Hospital, where I thought I was going to hell, which was the hell itself. 

Aside (on hell).   The bible says you'll go to hell if you get a tattoo.  What that means is simply that tattoos are painful!  So it's only hellish while they stick the needles in you (unless you're a masochist).  I think it was Milton (Paradise Lost) that said you can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven, it's all in the mind.  Hell in a brownie, you say?  At least it tasted good.

anyway, IOP stands for Intensive Outpatient Program, in reference to the fact that I am "out" of the psychiatric facility (Telecare), and back in the saddle again, so to speak.  The appointment confirmation e-mail says Out Patient, which is a little different.  I am not outside (at the moment), nor am I an out of the closet homosexual.  I suppose I am an outlier, in some respects.

I'm not in, either.  Homosexuality can be defined 3 ways: Identity, Behavior, and Nature (inherent, born that way).  One can meet one, some, or all 3 of the criteria.  That is to say, you can consider yourself to be homosexual.  You can engage in homosexual activity.  Or you can be (a) homosexual.

In my humble opinion, Identity is a delusion, Behavior is like any other behavior (from blinking, to crossing the street, although I personally think anal sex is probably usually -for most people- unpleasant, and somewhat gross, especially if there's fecal matter involved), and Nature is like a congenital birth defect, which should properly be treated with compassion.  I don't think gay sex is "unnatural", because it happens in nature (everything that happens is natural).  I'm not homophobic -gays don't frighten me.  Being gay doesn't frighten me, either.  Unless you're a screaming queen in prison, for example.  Flaming, as they say.  Then you could get raped, abused, insulted, etc.  But acting gay is rightfully feared (as is heterosexual sex, for that matter), with AIDS as a possibility.  Homo means same, so taken literally, I'm not afraid of being the same as anyone else, theoretically.

The terminology, as far as I know, consists of bisexual, gay, lesbian, queer, transgender, and transvestite.   I suspect gays are no more happy than anyone else, despite the term.  The rainbow flag can be a symbol of gay pride, or it can evoke the biblical rainbow as a sign of hope.  There are pitchers, catchers, and versatile.  You can be one, two, or V.  I've read about Jesus as possibly working with the "brown chakra."  I also read online about a ballerina who preferred anal sex.   The three kinds of sex are oral, anal, and vaginal.  I don't consider hand jobs and oral sex to be sex, which I suppose is a view I share with Bill Clinton.

My history includes some homosexual activity (nothing anal, except putting my finger in my ass to see what the hell they were experiencing), living with homosexuals, growing up in San Francisco, watching 3 pride parades there, and reading Catcher in the Rye in high school and at Atascadero, from their library.  I've seen gay porn, and it looks completely boring and stupid and unexciting or stimulating.  A mechanical, passionless process of creating an orgasm.  I've been told I sound homosexual, years ago, by the cook at a room-and-board in Sacramento.  Gary was/is? his name.  I lived in the SOMA (south of market), and had a great orgasm being fellated while being scared of getting AIDS/HIV from Francisco's mouth.  Francesca, who I really wanted, left me in favor of some black guy, at the Cat club.  My best orgasm, I suppose, happened while I was masturbating in my room while thinking of being Bill Gates savaging a woman.  It was an effective fantasy, but not something I would want to actually do, or tolerate by anyone, ever.  I don't fantasize that way anymore.  A bit of personal revelation regarding my id versus my superego, there, if you give any credence to Sigmund.  Freud and fraud are similar words (in English), which I suppose is interesting. 

I am not homosexual.  I don't think they are sick or evil, but I do think they are often victims of the evolutionary heritage of competition between males for females.  The more males that are out of the running in the quest for a woman or women, the better the odds of hooking up.  One thing about Notre Dame University was that they had a 60-40 ratio of women to men (I think, maybe it was the other way around) back when I was applying for colleges, in '89 (I'm class of '89 from St. Ignatius College Preparatory).   ND was my first choice school (I got in), but money was a factor.  SI, interestingly, went co-ed the year after my class graduated (for the following year's freshmen).  I did not have or want any homosexual activity during high school.

In college, David wanted to make me switch teams, I think.  I was writing what I called the "master file" about power and dracula and I don't remember what else/ fuck all / god only knows.. when he came into my apartment because he knew my roommate, Jon Simms, who came out while living with us.  I went to his coming out party.  He (Jon) was Catholic, and went to the Newman center along with me and Erik Beever, my roommate on the lower bunk.  Bob Davis, the physics major, and I assume a physicist now, was the 4th roommate.  I liked Dave, then.  David said I was a vampire.  He called me a vampire.  He turned me on to Anne Rice.  I gave him a Count (Sesame Street) doll.  But I don't drink blood, and I am a humane human being, not a demon or cruel killer.  I truly resent this implication.  I have a dark side, as do we all, I think, but I wonder if my life might have been better if he hadn't labeled me that.  If he wasn't so smart and well-educated and well-connected, as a deputy attorney general for the state of California, I would sue him for defamation of character.  I believe he's fucked up my life.   On the other hand, I collect social security and disability, which affords me medicare parts A and B, and allows me to read and go to the library and the Y and write my blog.  That's my job, I guess, even though I only get 886 bucks a month.  I have a disability: schizophrenia.  The John Carpenter movie, Vampires, says a vampire can establish a telepathic link to his master.  That's what I believe David did.  Then again, maybe I was typing (on my Mackintosh) David's thoughts before I even knew him.  He was already in my head, or I in his, or both.  I think he thought (thinks?) I was (am?) his "soulmate."   Of course, I don't believe in souls (like a ghost inhabiting our body).  I do believe in telepathy, though.   I heard a voice in my head in second grade (St. Stephen's, in SF).  The process is not spiritual, it's physical (which is only a semantic difference).  Like radio or microwaves.  Or maybe entanglement, which Einstein had a hard time accepting. 

In any case, I did some reflection last night, in the spirit of the delphic motto "know thyself,"  and the result is not pretty.   When I asked David if he was afraid of the government knowing about his movie rental selections, (I think) he said they would be afraid of him.  In the same vein, when asked to characterize his psyche, he said "it's ugly".   Anyway, about me.  I've become somewhat asexual.  I masturbate infrequently, and sex itself is a rarity.  Maybe thrice in the last 4-5 years.  Which I guess is unusual, or literally "queer".  I have abnormal psychology, and (thus?) abnormal sexuality.  I'm happy with myself, but unhappy with David in my head.  I rarely have anyone else in my head.  I like it when it's just me.  I've always liked myself -self-esteem has never been a problem.  So I've been bi-curious, but I think, pretty sure, I've answered that question.  Not P, C, or V.   There are four types of male homosexual.  Simply put, I'm not gay (in any "way, shape, or form").  And I like it that way.

I've worn female clothes, of course.  I went to the farmer's market in Davis with a bunch of fellow Newmanites, dressed up in some wacky clothes from their yard sale.  And I've tried on woman's shirt (blouse?), inside my room.  It felt nice.  Sexually, that's almost irrelevent, though, in my opinion.  I don't want to be a woman, although it would be nice to (painlessly!) be able to produce a child, I guess.  I've wanted a kid for years and years, now.   The Jesuit priest who was the principal of SI said I'd make a good dad.  I like kids, I like kid-energy, I like to teach and read to kids, they're fun, and I'm seriously depressed-angry-frustrated-disappointed that I'm always by myself, with this stupid blog as my only child.  I have high school classmates with kids in high school, already.  I'm getting old.  I'm considering being a priest.   A Catholic one.  I don't want to be a virtual "Father", though.  I want a real kid, not a congregation to look after like a shepherd over his or her flock.   Ugh.  I've been to jail.  David called me a "dark agent."  I was charged with a felony (assault and battery, on 3 police officers), and I don't know what my legal status is.  I confess I've been a thief, too.  Starting with candy bars, when I was a kid.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church is utterly ridiculous to me, a heavy dose of hypnosis and spells and madness.  I probably wouldn't be a very good priest. Stephanie, a Catholic I know from college who likes my blog and prays for me, who I made out with, etc. in college, doesn't have a functioning reproductive system.  But I didn't even consider anal sex, back then.  I suppose I should have.

One (God), two (Jesus), three (trinity), four (the book of numbers is the 4th book), five (Christ), six (star of david), seven (Jesus Christ, 7-up -penis-), eight (god), nine (power), ten (say ten, satan)...

2 is also jew, monkey (which has monk and key in it), the two triangles of the star of david, LOVE (between 2 people) (or I suppose, between the individual and "god" (me?) (self?) (dog?)).

 As for what floats my boat, I like teens and blondes and long hair, but mostly if she's into me, flirtatious, wants me, makes the first move.  I believe I prefer brains, but I don't consider anyone i've been with to have been a bimbo or a ditz.  I care, I don't chew em up and spit em out, I don't want to be a heartbreaker, love em and leave em, I'm not a player, I don't have ho's in different area codes, I look for people I can talk to, too.  I don't want a harem.  I want true love.  Compatible, sexy, fun, funny.  Kind, intelligent.  Horny.  Maybe it's time I start being selfish?  Blowjobs on demand, for example.  Rich doesn't hurt. Pro-life.  And, of course, to quote the Sacramento News and Review (you should be getting it once a week!).  There's a fun kalx promo for their daily readings of the daily campus calendar, with a sultry voice saying we give it to you 3 times a day (!).  I want that.  And beauty, of course.  Like Ellen or Maria or Karen, lol.  Or Melanie.  Or Brandi (Buffy).

It can be an intellectual craving, though - I've seen too much porn, maybe, and the addictive sex was way back in college.  I want to be turned on.  Right now, I'm off, lol.  xxx is also 666.  Foxy lady!  Condominium can be misheard as condom in 'em (or condom in 'm).

voices
'all right'
'what's wrong'
'i melted'
'i can't take it'

"Melted" evokes Mel, my birth-grandmother's brother (birth granduncle), and Ted, the website.

I don't make a very good buddhist, either.  But who doesn't like (or need) a little sex, now and then??

Effects of Time

the reality, the word, the concept

decay, aging, senescence, senility, dying, sickness, feeble mind / body, weakening, dependency, death, change, transformation, adaptation, gettting older and wiser, over the hill, under the hill, pasta, out to lunch, time travel, memories, pondering, recollection, remembrance of things past, "life flashes before your eyes."

Abodes

homes and houses

apartment, studio, mansion, cabin, cottage, condominium
tent, tenement, teepee, wigwam, yurt
shelter, ghetto, jail, prison, cells, doorways
outdoors, indoors
world, earth, mars, la-la land

"a house does not make a home"

riff on words

Word up, dog!

talking dogs like aibo, (does goofy talk?), scooby-doo, dog body-language, psychosis

Anyway, I said riff, and that means (implies, entails) actual sentences (not lists!), so I'll describe each category of linguistic construction in poetry, and literature of all stripes, such as stories or essays.  Libraries are collections of books (primarily), but also magazines, music, movies, etc.

a body of language or notes is called a corpus, which sounds like corpse, but libraries are cool and happy places (for me).  You can meet people there, and meet people who have passed on. I don't know about ghosts -they say Tesla had conversations with ghosts...what I meant is that authors live on, in a sense, through their books.  Books are "immortality-projects".  Forget where I heard that.  Might have gotten the terminology wrong.  The reader is also a character, the author's creation, in a way.  Writing is power!  Concepts don't always translate perfectly into words, or even body language.  For example, someone on trial might gulp, but that doesn't mean they're guilty, necessarily. They say learning other languages helps one understand reality better, more tools in the toolbox, that is to say.   The first step to understanding something is to give it a name, the saying goes.  I don't believe that, though.  Words might be, can be, misleading.  Don't believe everything you think!

Words live in different places, lie, are in libraries, include Li, and Lee, can be nonsensical, and have synonyms, antonyms, denotations, connotations, and shades of kinding/meaning.  Homonyms for god's word could be eew (everything ever written), at a loss for words... acronyms, initialisms, sounds, characters, letters, verses, poems, numbers (e.g. the 789 joke), or even things.  People have their own personal codes.  People break hearts.  Is that a koan?  Is the koran a koan?  tmesis! abso-fucking-lutely!
I've gotten ahead of myself: don't forget about nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, articles, prepositions, subject, predicate, conjunctions, and articles <, lol.  Some poetry terminology, most of which meaning I've forgot, include anapest (she's not, and neither is budha), spondee, strochee, verse, meter, rhyme, and lines. Essays have thesis statements, introductions, topic sentences, bodies, conclusions, structure. I used to think essays were s.a.'s.  A LOT of things could be S.A.  Basically, every S word, multiplied by every A word (what number would that be, using the OED? lol)

that might be alot to chew on, kiddies.
all for now.
-me

3 books recommended by a friend:
1) Ficciones, by Jorge Luis Borges
2)El Reino de este mundo, by Alejo Carpentier
3)Nocturno de Chile, by Roberto Bolano
"philosophically powerful and gorgeously written"

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body

Power

or, as Schwarzenegger says, "powah"

authority (political)
electricity, energy, physics
"force"
the police force, crews, gangs, of same mind
strength in numbers, corporations
violence, threat of death, intimidation
money, wealth, capitalism
dignity & respect
love (on the rocks, or on steroids)
beauty, sexual power, s&m, b&d
domination
self-control (can calm your mind, not possessed)
emotions
hypnosis
music
healing, touch, trauma recovery
self-help
strength, size, muscles
development
addiction, "adrenaline junky," endorphins (rushes)
charisma
agreement
media, information, infrastructure, libraries, computers, schools
health, fitness
happiness

Power is also a brand of e-cigarrette, but Panda might be better

lists

Franz Liszt,
Book(s) of Lists, (there are several)
Schindler's List
and the following:

senses: see, hear, smell, taste, touch, intuit/feel
ologies: psychology, anthropology, sociology, theology, gerontology

see: vision, light, color, wavelength (range), roygbiv, red orange yellow green blue indigo violet,
crayons, paint color samples, dictionary terms for colors/ other languages/made up words, drug experience (e.g. swirls), synesthesia

hear:  hearing, sound, music, voices, thoughts, dreams, hallucinations/"voices", waves, ocean, shell sound, movement, contact, echoes, memories
* memories & hallucinations are virtual

smell: olfactory, pleasant, unpleasant, reek, stench, evocative, pungent, intense, strong, incense, perfume, fresh-air, air freshener, food (positive, negative, neutral...)

taste: gustatory, flavor, savory, sweet, salty, sour, bitter, spicy, intense, wasabe (also spelled wasabi), clear (palate), flavorful

touch: affection, intended harm, bumping into things, stubbed toe, massage, sex, shaking hands, grip, "T - ouch!" said Jesus.  "Pain -T" said the painter!

intuit/feel: inkling, spider-sense, premonition, headshock, chestpain, whisper-voice, "the force" , dread, anxiety, performance anxiety, jitters, fright, fear, worry, upset, tears, crying, sadness, sorrow, mad, angry, madness, insanity, orgasm, raped by a ghost, fear of public speaking, phobias, phobophobia, calm, tranquil, sex with a ghost / masturbation, cumming, spike,

"Dark" literature

from the Berkeley library

1)The Weird, a compendium of strange and dark stories (new)
2)The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror (14th annual collection)
3)the elements of aikido, greg o' connor
4)The secret art of pressure point fighting, Morris
5)Box like the pros, smokin' joe frazier
6)The Ultimate Mixed Martial Arts training guide (techniques for fitness, self defense & competition)
7)American Shaolin, Matthew Polly

in other news,
3 movies i have (but haven't seen yet), are
1)Valentine's Day (don't call it VD!)
2)Love Actually, the ultimate romantic comedy
3)The Princess Bride (Nikki's favorite movie)

Books I read as a kid

some

Dr. Boox
The Pushcart War
James and the Giant Peach
Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator
Tales of a 4th grade nothing
Prisoner of Zenda
Around the world in 80 days
White Fang
Johnny Tremain
Richard Scarry
Little golden books
Escape from NY -Ben Bova
Chronicles of Corum -Michael Moorcock

all of:
JRR Tolkien
Douglas Adams
Mark Twain

Richie Rich comics
Flowers for Algernon
A mother's tale
choose your own adventure stories
everything you wanted to know about sex (but were afraid to ask)
indian sign language
neuromancer
hammer of the gods
catch me if you can
cat's cradle
1000 years of solitude
house of spirits
anne rice

the lost steps
civilization and its discontents
sand county almanac
spite, malice, and revenge
year's best horror and fantasy

the tech I want

here's what I'm looking for

1)I want a compact, portable device that
-easily switches between online radio stations
(e.g. whrb, wmbr, kalx, kzsu, kcpr, gdradio.net)
-a single button to push to scroll through would be cool-
(i.e. online radio presets)
-as would voice commands- (e.g. "pandora, tallis scholars")
(or "philosophy talk, most recent", or
"joe frank, where I left off" or "continued",or
"newest cirque du soleil videos on youtube")
-with a display of song title, band, album, year
(and i guess label, although I don't actually care about that)

aside: my (apple MacBook) itunes does the presets, so ANyway...


2)automatically muted commercials,
or the option to pay for no commercials
or to select commercials for products i'm actually interested in / in the market for)
(or all of the above!)

3)ALL books, a universal library, available online
a) access to audio books, and/or maybe software that could read to you?
b) and software that translates
(around the world, as well as in jails/prisons)

4)the ability to print my blog (so it's also on paper, in addition to "the cloud")

5) recording ability for online radio, to listen to shows later (e.g. whrb orgies)

all for now

Morton's honey buns

I used to love those things

Bring them back!
(although maybe I've been rescued from diabetes by their absence/discontinuation!)

wicked good, lol

left and right

sinister and dexter, leftious and righteous

I think I just coined a word.

1)liberal and conservative got pegged left and right during the french revolution, because of the arrangement of the legislature at the time.

2)but long before that, left and right hands were nailed to a cross.  don't let one hand know what the other is doing, the dude said.  what a silly matrix.  left as evil and right as correct, righteous, good.

anyway,
what's left to say? ha.
3) catholic, I recently learned from a library dictionary, means liberal.  which seems really weird, because the Catholic church is conservative, right? priests wear both white and black.  who knows which is which!  or which is witch?

Goodness can be dark.

"turn to the dark side.  we have cookies" -bumper sticker I saw in Berkeley

joke: did you hear about the guy who lost his entire right side? he's all left now. :-)

a rant

I like psychology, and people, mostly.

Love the person, hate the sin. Without god, there's no sin, actually. Just law, and personal moral preferences. But I believe in basic goodness, even it the bible says no one is good. If I accept the premise that only god is good, then the conclusion is everybody is god. Which makes me kind of weird (!). I struggle with the phrase, "it's all good." I don't want to be the devil, y' know? ANyway, I studied IR at Davis (I earned a bachelor's), fired up to help the third world (development was my emphasis), before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, which took me out of the game, so to speak, but has the positive result (I tell myself) of giving me a degree of freedom -to read, write, not worry about healthcare (I have kaiser), and spend my days how I wish (I listen to alot of music). I don't have many friends, though. I go to the library daily, exercise, and blog. I just finished a cbt class, which was helpful. Meditation (I went last night) is also good, for me. I walk my ex's dogs, too. I'm  looking forward to winning the love lottery. Hopeful. I'm nervous about it, too. I hope I'm not too crazy for you (or too sane, for that matter). I like puns, and love to make people laugh. And I love to swim! -Jess

Puns I like

In various categories

Religion
catholic (PUNtifical)
1) what do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' catholic
2)church finishes, and a passerby asks a person coming out "mass out?", who replies, "no, but you're shirt's untucked"
3)I wonder if the new pope had ex-benedict for breakfast
4)a hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen.  A brother is frying chips.  The traveller asks, "are you the friar?".  "No, I'm the chip monk"
5)when a monastery sells olive oil over the internet, is that monk e-business?
6)what do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken? a pecking order
7)what birds spend all their time on their knees? birds of pray
8)knock, knock, who's there, anthem, anthem who, you anthem devil you*
9)who's the patron saint of poverty? St. Nickelless
10)why did mrs. claus let her husband go to the beach? she just wanted to let santa cruz

buddhist
1)what did the buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? make me one with everything!
2)what's different about a buddhist vacuum cleaner? no attachments
3)why did the buddhist forego novocaine during his root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

dental
2)i've been to the dentist many times; I know the drill
3)no one knew about my dental implant, until it came out in conversation
4)why did the deer need braces? it had buck teeth

*
-the guitarist passed out on stage, he must have rocked himself to sleep.
-the inventor of the door knocker should win the no-bell prize

psychiatrist
1)I was arrested after my therapist told me to take something for my kleptomania.
2)my reality check bounced: insufficient fun!
3)dr, dr. I keep thinking I am God.  when did this start?  well first I created the sun, then the earth.
4)dr. dr. you have to help me out!  well which way did you come in?
5)math teachers have a lot of problems; people who keep their magazines have a lot of issues.
6)what lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? a nervous wreck
7)what did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into her office? I can clearly see your nuts!
8)the airline charged me for emotional baggage
9)the blue diamond truckers really drive me nuts
10) if you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital
11)a freudian slip is when you say one thing, and mean your mother.

sex and love
1)i love u.  it's my favorite vowel.
2) if there was a bisexual pride parade, would it go both ways?
3)she was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still
4)i had sex with a girl in an apple orchard. I came in cider.
5)have you ever had sex while camping? it's f-ing in tents!
6)i was going to tell a gay joke, butt fuck it
7)dancing cheek to cheek is a form of floor-play
8)if you wear camouflage condoms, they'll never see you coming.
9)don't have phone sex, you'll get hearing aids

Grokking Jesus

Jesus was one weird fish

He was a Jew.
He spoke aramaic, I think.  So his name was Yoshua?
He thought his dad was God.
because Mary, his mother, thought she was inseminated by God?
(nothing like some crazy voices to create delusions, no?)

with a beginning like that, he grew up to be guru, and started a new religion-

He supposedly
-walked on water
-turned water to wine
-commanded the wind
-expelled evil spirits
-multiplied loaves and fishes
-helped the fishermen (herded fish?)
-gave sight to blind
-healed leppers
-rose from the dead
-brought a friend back to life (reanimated Lazarus)
-reattached a severed ear
(what else?)

Personally, I'm a skeptic.  But if you spend your whole life believing you're God's son, I guess one might accrue some personal spiritual power.  Kind of like believing you're a jedi, today.  I still think it's delusional and crazy, though.  A virtual reality, not an actual one, is what I'm trying to say.

The crucifixion strikes me as unjust, but reveals how crazy Jesus was, in that he accepted it as the will of his father.  Then again, maybe Jesus was really angry and dark, taking out his fury on diseases and mental illness, for example. There's a (non-canonical) gospel that has Jesus as a youth (killing?) someone, I think.  So maybe he felt guilty, too.  And, like the movie Kill Bill, if you survive a hit squad, you've pretty much got a moral blank-check to get revenge on your would-be assassins, so maybe Jesus survived his crucifixion and is now a vampire killing antichrists the world over. 

See, I can be a little crazy, too.

My Meme

I am God

Morgan Freeman, who played God in the movie Bruce Almighty, has been quoted in interviews as saying "I am God,"  because he believes God was made by man, not the other way around.   God was made in man's image, another way of saying it.  I don't speak for him, but I think I know better than most what he means.

Kanye West is rumored to have named his upcoming album "I am God".  And he is, too.

1)"God is love"
I love myself
I god myself (self-apotheosis)

2)"only God is good"
I am good
therefore, I am God

(1 and 2 are different ways of saying the same thing, I think)

3)God is a role to play, an identity
(like Santa Claus)
In the song Santa Claus is coming to town, the lyrics say "so be good for goodness' sake""
That's the essence of religion.  I.e. "Be Good"
Santa may not exist, but you can change your name, grow a beard, give kids toys, and take on the identity.   That's as real as it gets.  (Just like vampires may not exist, but if somebody who believes themself to be a vampire kills you, it comes to the same thing).

4)God's name is "I am" (says the old testament)
which can be taken to mean as
a)God exists, or
b)God is existence (all of it),
i.e. reality, the universe, everything.
("Reality is all the God there ever is" -Adi Da Samraj)
("The All" -of which we are only a part- is God)
c)I am!

5) In the phrase, "you gotta look out for number one,"  'number one' means yourself.
SO,
when the bible says "God is one",
that can be taken to mean God is YOU.

6)You are what you eat (to which I would add, "less what you excrete")
So if you eat God, you become him.  You become good.
Which is the basic "mystery" of the christian eucharist.
My name 'Jesse' supposedly means "the whole office of the eucharist"
Don't eat me!  (and don't eat my dogs, either, please)
(Did you know Hitler was a vegetarian?)
relevant 'one' quotes:
-If God is one, how can I be evil? -Charles Manson

"We are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively"
 - a (dead) comedian (forgot his name)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portrayals_of_God_in_popular_media

power and knowledge

"If I had God's power, I would change alot.
But if I had God's wisdom, I wouldn't change a thing"

?

I'm not sure I have either.

STEM
science technology engineering math
space time energy matter

Gratitude

from a worksheet used by my God-mother to help prisoners

"We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more." -Codependent No More

Say thank you, until you mean it.
Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way.

Gratitude unloncks the fullness of life.   It turns what we have inot enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events.  It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude makes things right.
Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy.  There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power.  We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.

Say thank you, until you mean it.  If you say it long enough, you will believe it.

Today, I will shine the transforming light of gratitude on all the circumstances of my life.

North Korea

what I think needs to be said

Because, you see, I actually think North Korea makes a valid point.
And that is, why shouldn't it have nuclear capability if the U.S. can?

The principle under international law of national sovereignty means each country can govern itself as it likes, right?
And it seems to me it's only fair that if nukes are acceptable for one, then they should be for all.
Personally, I think NO nation should have them.
But I think Americans are often racist and condescending when they think we should have them but not allow other countries to have them, as if we were morally superior.
What really needs to come out in what I hope will be a diplomatically-resolved crisis, is the real reason why America is being hypocritical.  Do we need nukes to blow up earth-trajectory asteroids?  Do we need protection from space aliens?  Some other reason?  Is it just because we can??

Or are they just a (stupid and cynical, in my opinion) part of America's defense posture, as a supposed retaliatory threat, in a world where the only potentially instigating actors would be terrorists (not represented by states) or governments (that are not representative of their peoples), which makes nuclear weapons unthinkable and obsolete?

types of schools

and I don't mean fish

public
charter
private
religious
online
home

I like being self-taught, self-directed, with access to multiple libraries.
And you can of course post questions online, and ask people (like librarians), as you go.

I went to Santa Cruz yesterday, and saw the UC campus, including the McHenry library.
So nice!

I saw the Grateful Dead archive exhibit, and went on the Great Dipper roller coaster.
Good stuff. 

Fine-tuned universe

26 parameters

from wikipedia's article, "Fine-tuned Universe"
"The current standard model of particle physics has 25 freely adjustable parameters with an additional parameter, the cosmological constant, for gravitation."

I just listened to the previous Philosophy Talk (at www.philosophytalk.org)
the March 17 show, titled "God and the fine-tuned universe"
I was hoping to get a list of what those parameters were, and post them here.

anyway,
my personal belief is that both time and space are, quite obviously, both infinite.
there is no beginning, and there is no end (to Reality)
logic tells us this, it's a self-evident truth (to me)-
of course, we each have our own reality, our lives,
which have beginnings (conception) and ends (death), but
Space goes on and on and on, infinitely and forever, in all directions
Time goes on infinitely, too, in both directions, past and future,
whether humans are in it or not:
(past -previous to- the big bang, and beyond all possible outcomes or fates ahead of us)
which is to say:
There is no End of Time
or
End of the Universe (outer border or limit) (where there could be a restaurant, lol)

but,
like our lives, analogous to our lives-
the universe, as we know it, began at the Big Bang
and I guess ends, (as we know it)
according to whatever results the recent Higgs boson research tells us,
"coming at us at the speed of light"

of course, Chris, a friend from Kaiser, and a quantum physics expert, believes in tachyons, which go faster than the speed of light, and tells me (physics is/physicists are) currently unsure whether time itself even exists.  (the eternal now is how i think of it)

anyway,
it seems to me a God, faced with the news of impending doom, would want to ensure that life continues, and would program reality (the next big bang, maybe in a series of expanding and contracting universes?) to keep the goodness (life, existence) going along for as long as possible.

which is obviously another level way of saying orgasm (big bang) and having children (the next universe), in a reference to Monty Python's movie, 'the meaning of life', in which the universe is depicted as a female body, made into a grid, such as the universe/space is oft-imagined, by scientists.

But if there IS another big-bang in the future, after the demise of our current universe, I imagine an intelligent agent, like me, (or group, like a bunch of physicists)(aside: how could there possibly be an "unembodied" agent??, except maybe as I would envision the combined wisdom of humanity, etc., collected, such as the internet of the future) would or could tweak (the "terraforming of a universe") the creation of the next generation to be as heavenly as possible, acting in effect as a Creator God.

Maybe I do believe in God.
(from before the Big Bang, that is)

But we probably won't have to worry about being universe-creators.
If you want to survive your death, the best bet is to make money and have kids.
KISS (keep it simple stupid).

a few silly thoughts i had that i'd like to include on my speculation about the nature of the universe is:
1)maybe it's like a russian nesting doll (matryoshka), and universes are contained within our heads, with little beings living inside us, and so on.  And, going the other way, getting larger, maybe we are all living inside the head of a (much!) larger being, which we could call God.  For example, referencing Clifford Pickover's musings on dmt (di methyl tryptamine) machine elves: we're the elfs in God's head!

2)i don't believe in parallel universes, or a multiverse, because infinity engulfs everything.  It's in the word: UNIverse.  Just one.  etymology question: is the 'verse' part of the word a reference to something written?  I'm told infinity is necessary to mathematicians to make their equations work. But that doesn't make sense to me.  It doesn't work for me.  I can't see (black holes, for example) being infinite.  Nothing but reality is infinite.  Which is why "reality is all the god there ever is."  Which makes us humans minutely infinitesimal (a fancy way of saying teensy-weensy).  Actually, maybe not.  Infinity can keep getting smaller, just as it can keep getting larger.  Everything is both infinitely large and infinitely small.  Big me, big me, yeah.  Big up yo'self!  Right?

3)If "God" set the values for the 26 parameters of our universe, how do we believe in God without playing god ourselves; i.e. how do we know other values (for each parameter) couldn't produce life if we don't test them, first?  We're not that smart, and neither is God.  He created hell, after all.  But childbirth, for example, while painful, can also be heavenly.  Maybe that's how Jesus felt on the cross.  Hell is just another way of saying pain, and pain can be good, to tell us when we need to heal, so we don't hurt ourselves even more. Nothing lasts forever.  This too shall pass, as they say.  I don't actually believe in hell (as eternal punishment).

Hodgepodge of Goodness!

Everything I Like

-satisfaction, contentment, right with the world
-dance and romance, dating, love
-hiking, camping, birdwatching, walking, horses
-fun, play, games, kid-energy, teaching, learning
-laughter, telling a joke
-positive, optimistic, hopeful, happy, glad, joy, bliss
-goodness (think, say, do, be), feel good
-endorphins, exercise, strength, fitness, cardio/swim
-health, mental and physical, beauty
-meditate, pray, talk, write, create, blog
-good food, good conversation, good company
-family, friends, community, citizen of world
-stimulus: read, watch, listen; see, hear, taste, smell, touch
-nap, rest, sleep, decompress, don't oversleep, vivid dreams
-never bored, flow state, action/activity, busy, occupied, engaged
-sushi, thai, indian, chinese, pizza, burgers, bar-b-q, ethiopian
-sweets -it's its, kerns, frozen yogurt
-improved diet, eating healthy
-restaurants, cooking a favorite meal, trying something new
-libraries: books, magazines, comics, movies, shows, music, audiobooks, lectures
-computer: background music, pandora, college radio, gdradio
-knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth, educated, informed, curious, awake, aware, sharp, smart, intelligent, brilliant, genius, listening, vicarious experience, perspective
-new york times, economist, christian science monitor
-berkeleyside, berkeleyx (local news)
-foreign affairs, people, psychology today, mad (magazines)
-yahoo, cnn, wikipedia, washington post, huffington post
-joe frank, philosophy talk, the onion, ted, j!archive, funtrivia
-book list "1001 books you must read before you die" (fiction)
-award-winning books, librarian recommendations, new books, bestsellers
-new vocabulary, slang, other languages
-practice speed-reading, a book-a-day
-reference books (history, atlases, encyclopedias)
-children's books, perusing art books, lit, poetry
-crime/war/terrorism/spying (ref.) and mysteries, horror, fantasy
-youtube, netflix
-juggling, cirque, magic, martial arts, bloopers, popular trending..
-comedy/standup/satire, e.g. laurel and hardy, monty python
-louis ck, steven wright, al madrigal
-documentaries, animation, nature shows
-boating, whitewater rafting, canoeing, hobiecraft
-volunteering, helping, plant trees, clean beach
-new toys, technology
-garage sales, flea markets, getting a bargain, selling
-comfort, security, wealth, prosperity
-job, career, income, pay, cash
-pleasantry, relaxation, leisure
-freedom, liberty (from jail, prison, incarceration, slavery)
-creativity, craft-projects, pottery, ceramics, origami, art
-birthdays, holidays, fireplace, decorations, gift-giving, x-mas
-meeting people, warmth, social, belonging
-companionship, camaraderie, cooperation
-fantasy, flirting, massage, intimacy
-redwood forest, russian river, ocean beach, yosemite, sierra nevada, pt. reyes
-culture: ballet, opera, symphony, chamber music
-shows, performances, recitals, concerts, plays, musicals
-museums, aquariums, zoos
-roller coasters, theme parks
-spectator: baseball, mma, gymnastics, dance-offs
-participant: ultimate frisbee, wrestling, bowling
-travel, variety, new experiences, adventure
-occasionally outside comfort-zone, risk
-enlightenment, nirvana, (no attachments, craving, aversion)
-asymptomatic (no voice, headshocks, pain, resentment)
-clear, clarity of thought/expression, mindfulness, discernment
-persistence, perseverence, unperturbed, equanimity
-take things in stride, like water off a duck's back
-helping, charity, altruism, sharing, development
-basic needs: food, clean air/water, shelter, clothing, sanitation
-chips: comfort, health, in peace, sustainably
-lessen suffering, increase happiness
-set/achieve goals, motivated, inspiration, purpose, ambition, drive
-perspiration, sweat, just do it, success
-aim high, be all that you can be, not afraid to fail
-innocent, forgiven, moral, ethical, law-abiding, eschew evil
-human, humane
-sympathy, empathy, caring, compassion, gentleness, patience
-impingement, tough-love
-sacred, holy, blessed, faithful, pious, godly, good
-love everything, respect, gratitude, love life
-just, fair, merciful, benevolent
-solid, responsible
-virtue, be a man for others, be prepared, do a good turn daily
-be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent
-set an example, leadership, humility, service, integrity, honor
-cool, calm, collected, tranquil, at ease, at peace, grounded
-mix it up: mellow, intense; dour/analytical, jolly
-authentic, genuine, real, honest, sincere
-new year's resolution, growth, self-improvement, attainment
-steady, unyielding change, gain
-winning, champion, fulfillment
-do your best, try your hardest, goals, objectives, discipline
-humor, smiles, don't take yourself too seriously
-paradise, heaven, love-bliss

Godizzle in the house!

religious slang

'God's flesh' is psilocybin or psilocin (drug slang)

'God's medicine' is opium.

A 'Jesus-piece' is hip-hop slang for a chain with a crucifix on it.

'love' is drug slang for crack.

'SATAN' is net-speak slang for 'Security Administrator Tool for Analyzing Networks' (used for finding vulnerabilities in firewalls)

'God squad' are the federal officials who decide which endangered species will be protected.

'god box' is the remote control device for the tv

'godly' is cool, in teen slang

'Jesus nut' is war slang for the bolt that holds the rotor blade to a helicopter.  

'heaven dust' is heroin or cocaine   '

church key' is a beer-can opener (in food/drink slang) (a bit outdated, before pop-tops)

syllogism

an example from a recent Jeopardy!

God is love
Love is blind
I am blind

therefore,
I am God

ha!
It may be a "faulty" syllogism, but it's still true!
(actually, my vision is fine -with glasses)
(but I'm blind "on many levels", I suppose)

two songs

by Derek and the Dominoes, and The Beach Boys

D&D sing "Why does love got to be so sad?"
Maybe because choosing one love excludes all the other potential loves...
-at least in the eros sense of the word-
(in the context of GLEE -god loves everyone equally)

The BB's sing "God only knows (where I'd be without you)"
which seems to imply God is without everyone...
which is also why love (aka God) is so sad.

I watched a funny video on netflix the other day, standup comedy by Norm Macdonald, in which he made a joke about "doing that thing which makes me feel like God", a reference to murder.

I think we need to stop thinking of God as Death, although it's true (s)he's 'hated'.
(hated is death rearranged)(god hates sin, and the price of sin is death)
eat words: great, heat, meat, death
gr words: burger, yogurt.

I like Yogurtland.  Froyo is yummy.
Yo! Fro! (froyo sounds like it should be an ebonic word)
Iams cat food is made from godmeat?

In other word news,
erity words: temerity and celerity
reckless behavior or rashness
and
alacrity, dispatch, or briskness of speed
respectively

ugh?

random bad news

1) Only 4% of crimes are ever solved in Mexico.

2) hungry Hungarians? 2/3 are overweight or obese.
(I hope this doesn't mean germans are germy, or russians are in a rush)

3)The U.S. Federal budget is 3.55 trillion.
The debt ceiling is 16.4 trillion.
the sequester is 85 billion
(I don't actually know exactly what is bad about this, but the reports seem to always be gloomy and/or alarmist)

Syria stats

an ugly situation (of course, it's a civil war)

not so civil-

from the economist:
70,000 lives lost
10's of thousands missing
150-200 thousand locked up
2m homeless (inside Syria)
almost 1m living in squalor, over the borders (JLT, my initials: Jordan, Lebanon, Turkey)
4m + lack fuel, electricity, telephone, and food
thousands of homes, factories, schools, and hospitals razed

Bashar al Assad, the dictator, has 50k loyal, well-armed troops
the opposition is not united, and occasionally fight one another, too.

Positivity

Stuff I like

-Music (listen= list ten (radio): kalx, whrb, wmbr, kcpr, kzsu, kzsc, kcsb, ksmc, pandora, gdradio.net); also: concerts, shows, musicals, taiko drums, library cd's, online (by song or artist)

-Video (movies, netflix, ted, the onion, youtube)
(e.g. documentaries, comedy/satire/standup, animation, mma/martial arts, juggling, cirque, magic, etc..)

-News (csmonitor, economist, new york times, berkeleyside, wikipedia, foreign affairs, yahoo, cnn, huffington post, washington post)

-Nature (hiking, camping, horses, fishing, photography, boating)
(e.g. canoe, white water rafting, hobiecraft)

-Endorphins/Health/Fitness/Strength (stretch, walk, bicycle, cardio: swim/elliptical/stationary bike, free weights), Napping

-Food (Cooking: new or favorite recipes, Restaurant meals, e.g. sushi, thai, indian, chinese, mexican, ethiopian, burgers, pizza, sweets) e.g. gumbo, frozen yogurt, bbq.

-Reading books, magazines, websites (a book-a-day +, ideally) (1001 list ("books you must read before you die") (!)-fiction-, slang dictionaries, new languages, atlases, history, encyclopedias, mags (like People, Psychology Today, Mad magazine), children's books, etc.)
-Writing (my blog)

-Travel and Exploration (around the world, the country, california, the bay area, or even just my neighborhood) e.g. the ocean/beach, the zoo, aquarium, museums, parks, great america, boardwalk, exploratorium, planetarium, lawrence hall of science, Be a kid.  have fun!   Bars/clubs/restaurants.  Culture: opera, ballet, symphony.

-Religion & Spirituality: 1)meditate with Berkeley shambhala, 2) chat up the JW's, LDS, Scientologists, etc. 3)attend the occasional Catholic mass. 4)read religious literature (such as Adi Da's 'Aletheon'). Considered a hobby.

-Intellectual fun: philosophy talk (online, or weekly on the radio), Joe Frank, online classes (no credit), new vocabulary, practice speed reading, enroll in an actual class (paid), or audit one (free), J! -archive (the online collection of most all the Jeopardy questions/answers).  Mensa, maybe.

-People: family dinners, telling an apt joke, finding bargains, dancing, meeting people, okcupid, getting a massage, email, going to sports games (e.g. Giants), bowling, billiards, pee-wee golf, trip to toys-r-us.

-routine: walk the dogs (twice a day, weekdays), kaiser cbt (an hour, every tuesday), daily shower, library, Y.  the occasional cleaning house.  "weekly structured activities"

Catholic conglomerate

who will be the new CEO?

115 cardinals are convened to select the next pope.
The pope is held to be the "vicar of christ" and the direct successor of Peter.

(Isn't vicar just a fancy word for priest?  I picture a vicarage as an english priest's home..)
Christ's priest?  Jesus' personal priest? Ha.
Anyway,

There are 1.2 billion catholics.
The NY Times said,
"Popes are not just spiritual leaders, but chief executives managing the vast international conglomerate that is the church, with its franchises around the world and headquarters in the vatican state."

Which is another way of saying "body of christ", I suppose.
'catholic' means "universal", but I suppose this has less meaning with physicists/scientists who believe in a "multiverse."  And 1.2B people is hardly "universal"...
What about the Ewoks?  Or the Vulcans?  The Glorgs of Galacticon X?  Ha.

okay, cardinals: May the force be with you.
The winner must/will have 2/3 of the vote.  That's 66.6%, lol.
Funny link from the Onion

PCH

What I'd do if I win tomorrow's prize

Yes, I admit I've been assiduously entering the Publisher's Clearing House lottery every day for awhile now...

The prize is 5000 a week for life.  That's more than 700 dollars a day.

I've got 7 categories of how I'd spend my winnings: ("heaven's sevens", lol)
1)Buy stuff:
e.g. House, Car, Technological Gadgets
(I'd like to wire my place like Bill Gates' futuristic pad)

2)Eat at restaurants
I have my own "pivot" to Asia: I like stic: Sushi, Thai, Indian, & Chinese
(and Ethiopian, Mexican, Pizza, and Burgers, too)

3)Travel the world, learn new languages...

4)Publish my blog (edited, and cleaned up, for Book form)
(they ARE called "publishers" clearing house)

5)(maybe) go back to school, get / earn a master's or doctorate...
earn and learn
I like everything, and am happy now just going to the library...
it would be hard to choose a field/discipline..
maybe psychology, anthropology, sociology, theology, history, geography, or philosophy.
or all of the above!  And, of course, literature.
Degrees are ways to acquire status and become an "expert" or "authority"
I consider them exercises in puffery and vanity, though
but the bible does say "all is vanity" (so why not, really)
really, though, any high school dropout can just go to the library and read alot
and I think that's probably just as good.

6)Raise a family (!)
This project got sidetracked for me, when Sara and I split.
It's in the genes, it's my evolutionary purpose (and, I like kids)
I'm 41 years old.
And crazy, although I'm trying my damnedist to be / get sane.
But if Dave Letterman and Steve Martin can be older dads...
the pool of women gets smaller each day, I suppose-
but if I've got 700 bucks a day to spend, that would probably change the picture.
okcupid has been a complete fiasco, by the way

7)Give to charity, with whatever's left.
I'm thinking Unicef & Kiva
if 3 billion people really are scraping by, like half of humanity, on less than 2 dollars a day-
it's only human.

Scar

Strength, Clarity & Resolve

an acronym to describe making good of the bad in your life...
that's all I wanted to say (!)

actually,
also,
no one, with a period, can become No. 1

Does this mean no one is #1?
Or does it mean, for example, that "no one loves me" actually means "Number One loves me!"

food for thought
no woman can become pope
pussy means cat, so a catholic is a pussyholic (!)

Conscious-Light

some thoughts from the shower

The guru Adi Da Samraj said he was the "incarnation of conscious-light" (I think).
I still plan to read his Aletheon.
Anyway,
If we live in a holographic universe, in which everything is light, (which, then, only SEEMS to be different from mass or matter), then consciousness is light, too, which is a bit hard for me to wrap my head around, as they say.  (New meaning to feeling 'light-headed')

Maybe there is some reality to both the Star Wars depiction of Obi Won turning into light upon being struck by darth vader's lightsaber,
and
Jesus saying I am the way, the truth, and the light/ light of the world.

Also,
what does a cold (the illness) have to do with low temperature?
Maybe light (which is associated with heat) can be used in healing,
and conscious-light (the mind)
can cure sickness, like the christian scientists say.
 Battle/War/Fighting/Combat is GOOD, when used versus SID (sickness, illness, disease) vicious.  

-If society is a hive mind, and the body is permeated with "the force" from other members of society (if not animals, too),
as well as
-the entire ecosystem of fauna/flora in our gut,
and (for example) the apparent independence of each sperm.

I think it is safe to say we are not what we seem.

Doom

a few thoughts on the subject

Vivian, a sophomore psychology student at Cal I met at the Berkeley musical drama about a female buddha, "The fourth messenger", said she learned (in high school) that humanity is doomed because of human nature, as described by 5 psychological studies, which I found online at this site:

http://www.cracked.com/article_16239_5-psychological-experiments-that-prove-humanity-doomed.html

Which brought up the video game, Doom, and first person shooter games in general, in the context of the recent Adam Lanza shooting.  I mentioned how the military actually has video games of their own, as simulations to train their personnel.  And how I thought I read somewhere about videogames actually being cathartic and therapeutic, and therefore less likely to cause violence.  She told me how friends of hers said that, actually, these games get them worked up, amped, and stressed, more than relaxed.   Hmm.

I thought the conformity experiment had implications for democracy.
And it also made me think of 'memes'.

Anyway,
We ARE doomed, of course.  The sun will expand and engulf the earth, probably in the distant future.   Maybe mankind will have figured out space travel and which exoplanet to engineer a habitable environment on,  by then.  'terraform' is the word I was looking for.

Also, I just read about the 'God particle', which a poorly (in my opinion) written yahoo article reported that scientists who plugged in the new data provided by the (LHC? large hadron collider?) on the Higgs boson (measuring it's mass in electron-volts, because mass is energy, e=mc2) indicated that the results show the entire universe is doomed, (!)  This particle is said to impart mass to everything else, I think.
-but we don't have to worry, because "it is coming at us at the speed of light."  I wish I knew specifically what they are talking about.  I mentioned to Vivian that I read a book by physicist Leonard Susskind, who threw out a line in passing, that he thinks we live in a "holographic universe", which I guess makes sense if we think of all mass as energy as light, which I suppose a physicist thinking abstractly might do to understand the big U.  But I'm not sure he's right.

Anyway, I read about space aliens, and there seems to be evidence they can teleport, which maybe lends credence to the holographic universe concept.  And some Russian scientists, explaining the recent meteorite event that coincided with the near-miss of another meteoroid (am I getting the terminology correct?), proffered the view that a spaceship prevented a much worse impact by getting involved and saving the earth/humanity.   I think I like this explanation.   Someone out there is looking out for us?   Maybe we aren't doomed.  Or not for awhile yet, anyway.

Threats

in just two categories: transnational, and nuclear-

transnational:
terrorism, piracy, organized crime, climate change, and pandemics

nuclear:
illicit transfers, irrational decisions, accidents, unforeseen crises

(I think these are both gleaned from the magazine Foreign Affairs)

healthy america

eating right, exercise, and good healthcare

a mediteranean diet (med, it?) is good, says the NY Times, which includes:
olive oil, nuts, beans, fish (3x/week), fruit/vegetable (2+ servings/day), wine, dark chocolate (over 50% cocoa), whole grain cereals, lowfat cheese, white meat (chicken or turkey -vs. red meat), tomatoes/onions/garlic...

Beatiful weather in Berkeley today.  A good day to swim.  I didn't swim at the Y, but I did work up a sweat for like 40 minutes doing cardio on the elliptical and exercise bike.

From the NY Times:
In 2010, the U.S. spent 17.6% of it's GDP on healthcare.
But 48 million people (16%) lack health insurance.

undead

a quote from the NY Times, quoting somebody in Kenya

This was in the Daily Nation:
"All the tribal prejudice, all the ancient grudges and feuds, all the real and imagined slights, all the dislikes and hatreds, everything is out walking the streets like hordes of thirsty undeads looking for innocents to devour."

what I say-
I get angry, myself, mostly with the voice in my head (enraged, actually -sometimes)...it's hard to be alive and not be undead, I guess.  Again, please leave me alone, David.

a few more quotes I like

quoth the ravenous

1) It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge -Albert Einstein

2)If you can't explain it to a 6 year old, you don't understand it yourself -Einstein

3)I have decided to stick with love.  Hate is too great a burden to bear. -MLK, jr.

4)Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. -Oscar Wilde

5)If you judge people, you have no time to love them. -Mother Theresa

6)Nothing is impossible.  The word itself says I'm possible! -Audrey Hepburn

7)Choose a job you love, and you will never work a day in your life. -Confucius

8)The question isn't who is going to let me.  It's who is going to stop me. -Ayn Rand

9)Here's to books, the cheapest vacation you can buy. -Charlaine Harris

10)The harder you work, the luckier you get. -Gary Player

11)Make it a rule never to give a child a book you would not read  yourself. -George Bernard Shaw

12)If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. -Robert Frost

13)You have not failed until you have quit trying. -Gordon B. Hinckley

14)For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ignant

a ridiculous okcupid exchange

(after reading that my okcupid profile lists me as catholic, AJ said:)
Thanks for the message. Although OKcupid may match us highly, I think we would not be a good match, not least because I am Jewish and you are Catholic, and I couldn't date someone who thought I'm going to hell, and who held me responsible for killing his savior.


(my response)

I don't believe in hell (or heaven, for that matter), aside from what we make of our planet and ourselves, while we're alive. My birthfather is jewish. I look jewish. I've read the old testament. I believe jesus was delusional. I am only nominally catholic. Even if I believed, I wouldn't have held you responsible for what other jews did 2000 years ago (and what jesus apparently accepted as the will of his father). I don't even believe in sin. Hell is a village in Norway. You can go there. -Jesse

aside-

As for "savior", does that mean

saved from dying,

saved from hell,

saved from suffering (in this context, either the

consequences of my own sin,

or the consequences of the sin of others)

I don't know what the word even means, and I also don't believe in any of the above theorized possiblities of the meaning of the word:

Everyone dies, there is no eternal punishment (what most people mean by 'hell'), jesus can't do anything now (he's dead) to alleviate suffering (although christians I suppose think they are the "body of christ" now, who definitely do good works to lessen suffering and increase happiness, which can be done of course by anyone of any or no faith), and belief in him might even cause suffering  (such as giving up all your possessions).

Sin doesn't exist objectively

But it DOES exist subjectively- if you defy:

1)your conscience

2)others' preferences

3)the will of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

God's law is the totality of everyone's personal preferences, in my opinion. And I'm always right, lol. And because there are so many different people in the world, this means you can do whatever you want, or alternatively, you're a sinner no matter what you do.  So maybe you should just forget about religion altogether, and concentrate on the Law.

And AJ is seriously ignorant, if she thinks ALL catholics hate jews.

Of course, she probably thinks Jews are "God's chosen people", which is equally stupid.

death

The End

It seems to me Oblivion should be approached in 3 ways:

1)Gratitude
2)Tranquility
3)Hope

Gratitude, both for
-a life well-lived,
and
-the cessation of suffering

Tranquility, without any
-craving for heaven, or rebirth
-aversion to death, or hell

and a little bit of Hope, mingled with curiosity, in the back of your mind, for the improbable (I suspect impossible) possibility of paradise/heaven/afterlife,
otherwise known as
"the life of the world to come"

my concept of the afterlife is simply
-your dna, children/grandchildren
-whatever memories of you remain, in the heads of people who knew you,
and
-whatever legacy you've left, such as art, writings, quotes, etc.
as well as
-your body, meat and bones, cycling back into Nature as it decays

I don't believe in souls.