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Welcome!

I, God, welcome you to my blog!

The good book says only God is good, so it seems to me somebody needs to step up.

I hope you enjoy reading this, the Jesse Journal, as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to subscribe, write me an email, request that I write about any particular topic you may want my perspective on, send a prayer, click on the charity link, or donate money to my bicycle fund! Have fun!

Your pal, Jess
I'm a straight, virgo/boar INTJ (age 54) who enjoys books, getting out into nature, music, and daily exercise.

(my email is JesseGod@live.com)

F.Y.I. There are about 2500 posts..

Here's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky to start things off right: Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Hypnosis by the hypnotized


Fm, farmer's market; f 'em (female/male, father/mother), freak when see mod you lay shun, fun/merriment, freedom/mastery, for me, flea market, flo master, federal marketplace, f me,
fun, frolic, frivolity, felicity.

AH12allah,brahma(n),jah,jehovah,buddha,bahai,krishna,bhagavan,ishvara,shiva,waheguru,ahuramazda
tech, new nice wireless headphones?Bose noise-canceling?With new computer, unlimited data -phone?
Ah, men. Amen. Am1!! amon.Amenhotep. Om'n. Ramen. Rahm emanuel. Omen. Demon. Daemon.
Damon, damn o. atavan, “med you can't o.d. on” inured to babble, just noise, ideas washing on shore,
holy sea, as earth.

46: catholic OT, OK (46th state), chromosomes, forensics
go d. go die. Go, devil. Good without an o. D, vampire hunter. Go- game, leave, triumph (trinity)
GD: gloom and doom, general dynamics

words: definiton(s), denotation, connotation, synonym, antonym, homonym, homograph, acronym, numerogy, translations, rhyme, etymology, embedded words (regalo, algorithm, galore, algae, TN, 49)
ecdysiast! (strip-tease performer), psychopomp! (the spiritual guide of a living person's soul)
(greek myth, a guide of souls to the place of the dead), galimatias? (music artist)

throxgore and shnoodle-dorf, catholic catechism, cat's eye, kat starr, caitlin moore, kathy gill
gill-t, purr-sun, cougars/wildcats/panthers, cat got your tongue,
A great round rat with a tail like a skillet – beaver
listen: love intimacy sex touch ecstasy nature
you niverse, you essay, me n you (menu)
play: playmate, playdate, playgirl, display, ass-play, play-dough, plato, plague, plain, plate

tuerca o nuez?! ya- already, finally, right now

redemption
red empty on (bloody vampiric-sounding, if you ask me)
re dem pt ion (democratic party) (peggy teshara, mom) (charged particle)
yes, that makes no sense. But that's what I thought of. Maybe you see something.
PT cruiser, or PT boat, or petey, peet's, peat bog, or pacific time... parent-teacher

anyway,
redeem (I deem myself totally, ineradicably, utterly, irreversibly mad, crazy, and insane! Again) nutz
shower, shave, shit, brush, flush. Flesh for fantasy. 666. hey little sister, shotgun. Sh-ot-gun, scient
ot, overtime, old testament, operating thetan, offensive cross. US, unsatisfying, stressful. Upholstery shotgun. Menu. Chickens, a chicken, chicken. Humans, a human being, human. Mm, human. Ho Hum. Mm hm. Ho, hold on, whore. Ho tell, m.o. (modus operandi) tell, holiday in (new year's). william tell. Christ, Christianity, Christians. Buddha, Buddhism, Buddhists. live, love, laugh.
Lovers, love, loving. Loved, loving, in-love. Love, luvs, leave. Louvre, leaves, and live music. 3!
paint, triSaratops, spain, kaiser soze, sam/sara, excellent, vic/tim, gregarious, dangerous, erinaceous, pge, egypt, belt, gym, henny, tesla, jetta, slt, saab 9-3, z 71, heaven -dirt bath, e.s.m.e. t.w.o. -buffy, israel, india, french, holland, brandi, fries, fires, ash (hematology), (prox)mire and mudd, declarative declan, beneficent benjamin, dvd, protest ant, vic-tory...
satan's slay, fire place, gr ace, prey, missile toe, claws, morning mourning, k night, a wake, fun eral, dec ember, w inter, rude off the red knows reign dear, happy gnu year (gun).


!!: pleasant present, future feature, pissed post, figment fragment, bitchin' kitchen, mahdi in an audi, augie's doggy, faggy aggie, watch the witch, hordes at the ward, garbage cribbage, abort court, hates haste, bitchin bitcoin, science silence, korean koran.

HP, history present, happiness psychology, higher power, harry/hewlett, hydrogen peroxide, h(el)p no-L

“hypnosis by the hypnotized”

cba: cruelty, brutality, and abuse
m and m: motivation, meditation. Mice and men. I, me, mine. Music and madness: icp
Satan, satanism, and satanists (stan altshuler! Santa! As nat)
athe, atheism, and atheists (the A?, hate, heat, thea) althea? (tea h) hot tea? Heta (greek alphabet H)
if God is love, than atheists believe in Hate? Doesn't follow, lol. H-ate, eucharist!

sinners and saints, gods and monsters, angels and demons, devil and god, lovers and haters
god is a garage door opener, lol. Or maybe Gustavo Diaz-Ordaz. GG grace, glory (good gawd!)
trewart? My covfefe?! (theft? Rape? Encyclopedic wisdom? Art in heaven)

mind, denim, mankind, nevermind, reminded, mined, medina (elvis lives in evil levi's) elves
gothic goliath
collective commune, family, team, gang, party, nation, country

Garden of delights, phases of the moon, ah dew
get out the door, grungy old dog, growing older daily, get over death, get out of debt, good ol' dad

death, soldier (sol dier), dire, ired (1,2,3) (I red, I, Red, ired)
d eat h, hated, d heat, the ad, date H, ate hd...
died (49 -d), buddha'd, al gore'd... jesse teshara -ed.
You shouldn't need the threat of hell (or the promise of heaven) to be good, imo

sad, song and dance, said and done
death, pain, sorrow, and regret are a part of life/reality
such- satisfied, u -smiling, content, happy (“suchness”)
paths to god, holiness, enlightenment (e.g. H) (scared/sacred)
fear of god, fog of war, god of death
human tech: brain's memory capacity
visual rate of speed (“frames” / second)
actual/potential? Fully utilized-
fat, fingers and toes, false and true, fit and trim, fido and taco
mmm, mean median mode (pie a la mode!)
spiritual, spear it chew L (knight, hell, elle, all, el (lord) (life or death)
fork, for kill, shake spear, spear chuckers, chuck steak, chocolate (chaulk o' late)

no beer-belly, buddha-belly, distended gut
low body fat, bmi; fit and trim
(“2nd body” (within), baby bump)
clean white teeth, brush/floss/rinse
hi gene! Go to br. wh. bt. ch. wf. (!)
excrete: ex crete.. piss, shit.
Pee, poo. Urinate, defecate. Micturate, bm/discharge feces.

happy dog: walk! Smells! Getting petted! (Wag! Jump!)
Worry and alarm and disturbance- barking! Arf, woof, bark, bow wow, yip, rruff! All true!
I believe in Dog! (thank you dog for our food and our blessings)
Goodness and love and reality exist. (glare!) (all god ever really is) reality is, a tautology, lol.
i'm just a person. I don't even believe. A god to a dog? Be leave! Yay!
Dogs believe in us. We should believe in God. God provides. (getting/provisions are good)
what we are to dogs, god is to us. A simple theorem. A law? God is our master?
I am my own master, I am the master of myself,
I permit no one sovereignty over my life, body, mind, self. I am a self-made man.

“Persona non grata” (person not appreciated),
in diplomacy: not welcome, entering or remaining, by a foreign gvt.)

Mind map, brainstorm:
good, glad
glad; sad, mad -bad (ad, had, cad(illac)(mium)(c assisted drafting)(cadenza),
dad, fad, lad, (go)nad, pad, rad, tad, vlad, wad
madness: ahrwf, irate irritated, spite malice revenge, oh bother
mother, brother, father, bother, moth, broth, fat her, both-er
sister, cyst er (emergency room), insist, desist, resist, resistance is futile
distance, resistance, stance, ants in your pants, dissed ants (disrespected)
dis-missed, missed the mark, mystic, miss stick
mm, mary moran, michael milken, marshall mathers, mighty mouse, mother mary
michael/miwa/mitch matsuno (misha, mai), m&m's candy. Michael moore.
happy, ecstasy, movie, move e, stacy
bliss, bless, b-less; huell howser, and stephen/jonathan heuser,
“same difference” (called?)
john mccall, manuel micaller;
mom, ma, madre, mama mia, matrix (reality, movie, womb, car/auto/vehicle)
auto, otto, ottoman
dm, dead milkmen, dungeon master, depeche mode, pie a la mode
soul rotation album, bernie sanders' revolution! Coup, coupe, coop, cop, co-op.
Little deuce coupe, Bitchin' camaro, camara, mara (dale, demon, asmara turkey)
mess, messages, mess o jizz
relationships, love, amor (wikipedia page) LA
ships, sink, sing k
hovey (clark), pj trudell (paul james), tom mcguirk, greg -ship ping
boat, vessel, body and soul, sol (sun, beer), sole (foot, fish), phish food (bj ice cream)
bagger, bugger, bug, insect, in sect
cum mare o
cry, crime, cryogenics, crimea
silence of lambs, sol-dier, statute of limitations, statue of liberty, signs of life
br, blade runner. Gf, grave of fireflies.
Karen wilson, andrea curtis, nina sullivan, sara jane hawkins, holly johnson, melanie
bb beasty boys
travel: key west, china, disneyland, ny/va, mexico, belize
8 (defecate, urinate)
fd, fred dixon. Stan altshuler, stan a (santa, satan).
Doug kapovitch (dug kap). Sheridan rom (sheraton room) .
Def- jam, con, death, lepperd, ecate, definitely definitive, deforestation, de-f, defenestrate

Forensics: 4 n 6 (10, satan)
sad, seasonal affective, schizo affective, social anxiety (disorders), sad and depressed, sick and diseased
that's cold!
Is carbonite a thing
stupid with stu

rice and beans, room and board, rhythm and blues, A- rab
brandi and brandon and brad
bold, boris and barry, air bnb, bamako?
ar, ar-15, anne rice, annette riddle, armando rodriguez, a-rod

“School” of fish, etymology?
sea horse is not a horse, jelly fish is not a fish, sea monkey is not a monkey
rhode island is not an island

si, sleeping in
speed reading, language lessons
wasc, (write author, scribe, compose)
impermanence: frailty, fading, passing, brief, lmited, temporary, ephemeral, mortal, transitory
(sublunary, tellurian, terrene, geotic!)
perdurable, perpetual, sempiturnal
nothing is certain but death and taxes
eternal now, reality is, unreality is not
reality is the only thing that will always be, will never end, has always been

humans are just bugs on a rock, impermanent like everything else.
Universe is infinite, dark, cold, and lonely
the only purpose humans have is the genetic imperative, shared by all life, to survive and reproduce.
The only meaning can be found in family and parenthood
spawn til you die
be a man for others

possessed
call me a doctor or maybe a priest
I'm possessed, obsessed with being a beast
i'm an animal, a manimal
a goddamn ant
a criminal, subliminal; hear this rant
i'm a dog, dawg you feel me?
Impossible, I ate so much my energy's inexhaustible

I want to eat, i'm on the street, you can't defeat, this bombass beat
just can't be human, humane, or well
i'm sick, i'm twisted, i'm going to hell
babylon and on and on

famine, hunger, starvation, malnutrition
poverty, homelessness, squalid abject dire
lack, privation, need, want, destitution
affliction, unhealthy, unwell, s.i.d.
Mentally ill, psychotic
misery, hopelessness, despair, unhappy (uh), discontent
ahrwf, resentment, ire, irritation
anguish, sadness, depression, sorrow, regret, grief, distress
disappointment, s.a.w., upset, dis-ease, un-ease, bothered, dukkha
frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense, meninglessness, anomie, angst
inequality, unmet basic need, possessed, hearing voices, disturbed
schizophrenic, telepathic
psychopathic, sociopathic
depraved, diabolical, cruel, unkind, vicious, mean, ruthless monster
wrong, bad, turpitude, sin, crime, wicked, evil
immoral, unethical, unlawful, illegal, criminal
scum, garbage, trash, vermin, refuse, inferior, subhuman, disgusting
life is difficult, flawed, imperfect; discomfort, fear, fright, terror; bitterness, hardship
I am scenic (plus hizophr)
I hear voices, which I imagine I would be grateful for, were I deaf
I have a power, a gift, of telepathy
but am considered mentally ill, psychotic, crazy
it pays the bills
am not in debt, and thereforre richer than X% of americans
I am an independent researcher, writer, blogger, poet
I submit- I am God (like everyone else)
if you heard my voice, well you might be m.i., too
If you speak to god, then that's prayer
if god speaks to you, then you have schizophrenia
you are all diseased
maybe I should shut up
but I hear you too, we infect each other
how can society, the whole, the organism, heal itself?
Schizo skittles, faggot mnm's, mike n ike, big hunks, snickers..
seriously, wtf?
Silence of the lambs, silencers, silent meditations
a sound mind
without noise that annoys
nun
a member of a religious order (perhaps hell before heaven?)
if u r insane, is the solution to be OUT sane?
Sane inside, sane outside
ingested, pills in jest
is this a joke?
Am I a joke? Is god?
Ugh in laugh, fun in funeral
gnosis of no sis
hi larry t, hilarity
excellent, ex ellen t-

brown honda, in deep shit
seraphim, hey little sister shotgun
sincerity, ceremony
mr. t, aunty christ, lgbt (and d), etc.
uncle jesse, uncle tom, gym and vice
jealousy and coveting

prisoners: happy, useful, peaceful, safe.
With libraries, food/water, healthcare, less meat, fitness, education
security, growth

tor ture and tor ment
desperate squalor and poverty
twi (the world is) twix and twizzlers

bubbles, candles, sands of an hourglass
how many humans in all of history?
107b?

Neither law or sin exists, objectively
but almost everyone has a conscience
tubes, products of evolution
superego, morality, ethics, code
self-defense of body, mind, spirit
subversive, helpful
cork board
ny times, economist, cs monitor
journal (notebooks, c), blog, publish
psych research, virtues, personality characteristics
b/d, encyc, spd rdg, etb etr, 1001, awd -winners, canon
in love with life, sound and silence
information, intelligence
panetics
ipad wikipedia app, show vicki
cr, costa rica, camp royaneh, consensus reality
what is it, how might it be wrong?

Sick sick sick
vengeance, retribution, justice, karma, spite, malice, revenge
i'm insane for a sane reason?
Geography, history (spacetime)
brahman, oversoul, dust to dust
wealth, prosperity, love and happiness
comfort, good weather
papal, peace adventure purpose and love
goals objectives discipline
health, strength, leisure, relaxation
fun cheer laughter play
joy happiness bliss; contentment satisfaction
facts, data, science
growth, development, progress, improvement
lifelong learning

whirled peas
kill those who would destroy it
save the world, infinite life for god, the source of all goodness

numb brrrs-
zorro, won, to (tu, too), thee, for (fore!), F i've (i've had 6), sics (sicks), S even (how odd), ate, nein!, tent (tenement, tenebrious, tentacles, tenacious, tenet, tennis, tennessee, tenable, tenor),

if reality is God's dream, is it still real?
Wow, walking on water
water to wine
healing the blind
libad (merrily merrily merrily merrily)
butt a dream? Bad?
Finger paint manicure nails

all uh, no god butt god
lom. Is lom?
Sh, sacred heart is quiet, ow sh wits
med a k shun, shin
power, juice, authority, electricity, pow!
To err is human, forgive divine
pregnant (ant)
fat her, thin him
busy ness, bazaar, bizarre
in the in-box, eating at the y
listen to the pugilists
la la la (law)
correspondence (core a spawn dance)
naughty (not e)
flowers flow
elect rick
spanish (s bread -ish)
wonder (one dr.)
godparents, patton dick
dirk the dervish
dirt, dermatology, durkheim, derby, dirge, durable
wonder ow eye wonder
derf! Lol
honda (hon, duh)
comedy, calm remedy
blood, be lewd
cats, cattle, and catholics
catechism schism, catatonic cathedral
catarrh, quatar, guitar, gooey tar
peggy and miss piggy
a porpoise's purpose, I propose
infantryman, infant try man, lawyer/devil (battle, tittle, jetthro tull)
movie, emotion
whorer horror
turkey, monkey, donkey (hanky panky)
margaret, rage mart, r great ma, marge simpson
all my children, daze of our lives, general hospital (a H for generals? Be specific) devil, details.
Racist fun, F U N-
reznor's razor
caleb's cable in the weird word ward
holly's subaru, ruby sue; cathy blish's bliss
martial marital
present president
dimwit dipshit
fitbit tidbit
joy is a dish soap
mary meant, hum baby
jolly rancher santa
ponder a pond
apple, a pull. Cosmological constant, a push. Pushed greg.
Essay on self-awareness
peace of mind vs. piece of mind
dance (dan plus ants)
do it, dew wet
autumn, ought um
britney spears, presbyterians, ex spear ience
western, we stern (a very serious howard)
noise annoys hanoi
harmony, harm money
writhe to the rhythm of the eurythmics
can't beat a beet (said the talk-O)
write right!
Lesbian dictionaries (no Rams)
win in winter
dim sum in the summer
have a nice trip, see you next fall.
See you next tuesday
jd power and associates (jurisprudence doctor)
5 br months (february, september, october, november, december)
(3 embers, e.g. coal)
february march april may (fm/am)

july august september october november (jason!)
july (jew lie), serious august, febrile february brew, ill in april
this month's m.o.
Words are a wonderful world
jrr tolkien (jt), ent om ology (the study of meditating ents)
logy (words), logistics!
Digital fingers (gr, fin)
stink, flatulence, foul fetor, mephitis, gas, fart, pooted, blow up, stench
jewish is sort of jew, finish is sort of fin?
Interesting, inter resting
cost of a bull (buy bull)?
Satan researches jeweler
jest, geste
eek, zeke
priest, pre saint
lawyer, doctor, professor (profess or confess)
officer gay, shiekh threatt, jesus, christine/ian, israel, koran, shiva
krikor the kraken
castle-scott, jeff pon, king, tim bishop, brooks
met a Four
movies: candyman, sugarman
insolent insulin; die o' beat e's;
a tack, attack; eye scream, eye tea, eye and eye; s king skiing

kitchen counter, you can count on me, the count
(company united nations cross emergency room?)
numerology- new me, are all? Oh gee.
Math (tam and matt), counter-espionage. Cow inter, what's your beef? More cowbell!

Zorro, nihilism, zilch nothing bupkis (O blivion)
one, neo (eon, noe valley, brian eno), alpha, god, won, uno, a1 steak sauce, dr. bronner, anarchy
Won! We're number One!
To tu too, bind torture kill, the whole office.
Thee on a tree, CLU (getta clue), nails, trinity (bomb, matrix character, christian father son holy spirit)
For dmv, metaphor
Five alive, sing co, pentagon
Sicks, sex, sucks, sox, sax
Seven eleven (getting even? Revenge? Vengeance is mine...)(satan, lord el playing chess)
Ate, tea, eat..
nueve, new eve. Anais nin. Jean nine.
Diez, die in sleep (zzz), perfect 10 (fingers) (toes)

numb brrs, cold (summer, plus, addition, adder- a snake)
various threesomes: (mom, dad, you), (mad made you),


good, go overdose?, goo smile, orgasm -little death (old), g (offense, orgasm- rape?) d
atheist, a theist
crashing symbols
prison, no sir -ack (reverse), pris (blade runner, priscilla?), jesus christ (2,5, p) risen!
Riesen (candy), reason
incarceration, in car sir ray shun (?) tinted windows are illegal, lol
pre-sun, in the a.m.
Hell, no love, no god, rape, and pain
rape- are ape (reap, pare, pear)
pera, bitch, purr ass, pussy anus, “in the hole”, just say no
got game? (gay me)
hello, adele
slb, skinny little bitch (courtney love?)
12 holes of jesus! nostrils (2), mouth, ears (2), anus, urethra, nails (4), spear (1)
dmi (daily maintenance and improvement)
housing apply?
Hugging, cuddling, spooning – 3 books (sutra, touch the power of human connection, -samantha hess, touch the science of hand heart and mind -david j linden)
WB audiobook? Brittanica? (wikip is!) (for blind?)
nearby crime?
Magazine issues, master bates, navy seamen, whatever comes in handy
melancholy music, slow/atmospheric, space

extinguish lust, porn
time flies bzzz
origami, sushi, taiko, sumo, aikido, etc.
meditate, breathe, note
never bored, always something (entire library!)
change routine, yoga book, google questions
yale courses, phrontistery, wybcx
gr, garage rock, general relativity, grand rapids
rwl wtc ees (ee bb mm) eat exercise, body-build, make money
go rwl (growl, grow l, gr owl),(world trade center)(see)
clothes closed (clothes the door!)
ribbit, rabbit, rabbi, abbot, habit, damn it janet!

inmersion en espanol! Think, talk, write, listen, watch, read, dream! (in spanish, :-)

your dad is a motherfucker. Your luvs are full of shit.
Eat the kind, drink the smart. Harmony snacks.
Masturbators can go fuck themselves.
Gesellen (joined, in german)
bad, birth and death, Beginning And enD.
Kitty purry, presbyterians, dag ridded evil, only I can thrill
sa on kg kt ln
cheaper, new and fun, bigger, with friends *
david intrusion
FU methodist church (foundry united), fee fie foe, fum
IMGD2U
I am shocked! Currently charged with battery?
Obama fallout, through thoughts thorough -thoreau

Bb bookworm bibliophile
usa, you satan ass,
universe, you niverse (you ess eh); university, universe city
list, love intimacy sex touch (m.o. Massage, orgasm)
science museum, aikido instructor, author, cuddler, dogwalker, nature hike leader, fitness parter
hobbies, interests, calling, passion
skills, aptitudes, talents, abilities
employment, job, career
american dream, self-help, fantasy vs. nightmare

S
essay, assess bliss process, structure shambhala, sunny side of sodomy
sibilance, hiss, serpent, snake, slither, the situation
security, science, scouting, success, sports, shows! Safe and secure.
Sin and samsaric suffering, satan sucks
supreme, super, special, solid
sexy, stunning, sweat (sexy stranger)
sanity, satisfaction, strength, social, self
speech! Say something
shining sun, a star in the sky

Utopia, needs met.
god- concept, role, status. Memes, rituals, beliefs. Everywhere, everyone, everything.
Hears prayer, can answer prayer. Can control minds (or mindlessness), even kill you. Fear of god.
None of that is me. But I made my case. Santa for adults! Good, forgiving.
Benevolent, kind, merciful, loving. A man of war. War is the art of deception. Maybe a dick.
Maybe you. God is goo'd. The lord is cum. God is love, the creator. Madness, mom and dad-ness.
I am not a father, either. (MD=Buddhism=kill=H=8=God, etc...)

(frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense) -bible
noise and fury, signifying nothing. (a tale told by an idiot)
Roles (goffman, shakespeare) Tubes (animalia). Bubbles (me!, buddhism).
Pop goes the weasel. IR weasel. Survive and Reproduce. Genes and resources.
Msf, doctors without borders
swo, soldiers without orders

phone, tablet, computer (holy trinity!)
find (fin, d) d-death, the end
in a daze cuz I found god (omg, oblivion)
well? Vampire source. Hematophagia, drink me in.
actual, real, true and factual, honest to goodness, swear-to-god
vampires vs. V
VV (eye teeth)
game of death, glee or despair, good orderly direction
penetration, gross or dangerous
a drug, opiate of masses
perspective, lens
a framework, way of understanding (H, S, C)
history, society, culture. Cult of hannibal, satan.
Tradition or perdition (stories, lit, scripture, texts) (poetry, music, dance)
love, friendship, community
charity, kindness.
Belize is the bee's knees
cvs character strengths and virtues

changed perspectives: drugs, travel, religions, acting, writing, role-playing, reading, lying, movies, exercise, language.
Drugs, dogs, digs, and dag
do what thou wilt, lwt (10)
lawrence william teshara
be happy, for no reason whatsoever
mom and dad, make a difference, medication and drugs, misery and dukkha
sanity, equanimity, happiness
meditate and do nothing
read Hillary (what happened, hard choices)

good old days, glory days, glory of death, god or devil, gratitude or dismay, general disarray, graduate of davis, grampa or dad, glad or depressed, gone or dead, gulf of darien.
Guns-drugs, gold digger, graduate degree, google discovery, green/gop or democrat
G overdose (gamma hydroxy butyrate, ghb)

orc, oatmeal raisin cookie!
Morton's honey buns!
Keep busy, daily power-nap, …
are we of more consequence than a bubble? Or an ant?
Do I care if my child turns out to be Hitler, or Mother Theresa?
(MT!)

lay out all my options? Infinite!
Old first church
there is no such thing as life?
We are all already dead?
Destined, fated for general oblivion death
no! because we don't want to, :-)
general specific orders us to keep on keepin on
theophysics
we don't die, because we were never alive to begin with
sad, angry, dismayed (sad)
pure, holy, good (peggy hennessy)
blessed, holy, sacred (bhs)
hos- hearts of space, spacious, expansive, floating, ethereal (fees)
kp.org website, explore, kick around in
structured, disciplined writer, author
routine, work at the craft
passion, joy, pleasure, achievement
research, organize, order, read everything
chessy jesse
happy as a clam. How happy are clams?
Does Mass matter?
Empty of meaning, purpose, identity, substance, and reality
dialectic. Rich and full life. Full-bodied aroma.
Vessels, feeling drained.
Empty headed, brainless, foolish

crazy, when windows are advertisements for the lottery
led, laxative emetic diuretic
groan up
when shihtzu, obituary, compass, shattuck, murano, krusteaz, winnie, grass, acid, pussycats
are offensive, eating nuts becomes scary, popeye's chicken is threatening...
does one require forgiveness if you've forgiven yourself?
A hypocrite without integrity, who does not adhere to his own values
(yoobi is dense)

travel.state.gov
*mystic mistake

aliens, spies, thugs, faggots, criminals, brutes, assholes/dicks, idiots
psychiatry, pharmacist, jailer, corrections officer, teacher, parent, hitman, police officer, mercenary, arms dealer, gun merchant, philosopher, telepath, executioner, economist, garrote leaver, hater, blogger, gardener, film maker, musician, meat industry, butcher, chef, restaurant owner...

legal avenues for depravity: meat, law, abortion, author, actor, soldier, hunting, exterminator, priest, criminal, fisherman, god

buddha enlightened nirvana, ben :-)
(esme is the eternal supreme master of everything, lol)

mental masturbation, self-referential
mind is buddha. Thoughts, words, images, dreams.
Stick -scholarship, thoughts, ideas, concepts, knowledge
how to grasp something
that pervades everything
yet has no form

I decline to define declan, I declare
summer james, be warm, it's winter 8,3! 2! (ajs, 1,10,19) as J, me (that sums it up)

scared of being sick, stuck somewhere
morality of murder, depravity and death
beautiful young female, friend and relative, carelessly killed
mercy! murcielago
sickness and stress, quality and quantity
*life is inspire, then expire
but a dream?
Books go boo! (ghosts!), economists go eek!
AI, attempt at immortality
news? North east west south!

Time is life is money, letters (blood-letting?), spelling and gospel, hastech unltd.
Margaret delia hennessy, peggy lawrence teshara, annette v riddle, lawrence william teshara, mr. T
listen, write, talk. Wilt. Richard stollnitz. Dick zonca. Pat Zonca. 3 moms, 3 dicks.
I have 3 sets of parents: biological, adoptive, and god-parents.
plus mother earth and father sky, if not the mothership, lol

America, am Erica
uncle Sam, sam/sara, uncle S am. Snodgrass, not satan!
Moe- mystery of eucharist (simpsons!)
oj and a beer and wine and bread

lighten up, light reading, cig, sun, comedy, ceiling, light-headed, smile
debt, deb t (debbie teshara!), debit- deb it
marcel the bat cow monkey dog
liquor in the front, poker in the rear (
money, funny honey
legal, frugal
pooh teen, putin, put in, poutine, input
awe thor, reed, boo K!
Clean room, body (e.g. teeth), and mind!
Darkness- true crime, bams, masd, horror (e.g cthulhu), even BB (somewhat)
nature tourism
steven segal aikido, jackie chan, jet li, bruce lee, wing chun, krav maga, shaolin, jujitsu...

permanent, real, absolute, concrete, true, existent, spacetime, reality, universe
reality and relationships
wag price structure
community, family, companionship, camaraderie, brotherhood, sisterhood
burmese, veggiemore
library bathroom readers?
f.m. Fighting method
heaven vs. hell:
ordinary life, by comparison, IS Heaven!
Lawn bowling, exploratorium
parades, magic sow
chinese, st. patrick, pride,
report (non-income) to SSA
honesty, honor. Convicted felon?
AR, annette riddle, augmented reality
10: H, news, vocab, trivia, music, okcupid, wag, masd, lit, exercise!
Pat: Brown, Zonca, Beatty, Sullivan, Hennessy, Growney, Devlin, Bruce
ugh in laughter, ire in satire, gr in grin, s and m in smile
love yourself, others, all, and love itself
be good, get happy
enosis, kenosis, zoonosis
hyp, gnosis, diag
di ag no sis, weird
monetize, provide a service
some serious stimulus
blippi, bob sage, doogie howser, tom cruise, zach braff

Tranquilized by trivia
torah torah?
Kandinsky
micronize the mickle mike
bryology
intersubjectivity, god's dream, collective unconsciousness, hive mind, “reality”
“in our mother's womb we have vestigial gills and tail and fins for hands” -engaged buddhist reader

ernest becker's immmortality project
boko maru
all animals are equal, great chain of being, hierarchy, food chain
remember you're unique, just like everybody else
god is a form conducive to self-improvement
cowshwitz, whales, the mind is a vast ocean of ignorance
ecology, gluttony
coup d' vlle, d'etat, d'grace
bronco billy
president hoover, you suck! ('22) vs ('29-'33)
30 large hydrogen bombs (avg. human adult) m:e equivalence
9,357 itunes channels
on fire, mj, michael jackson, richard pryor

crackers or crack, junk food or junk
byron, boron, baron, boris, karen...
nap, meditate, sleep, relax, do nothing
yes! Yoga exercise stretch
hopefully not bugged by my blog
did the radio xmas gift work?
Star map!
NG atlas, on tablet (que paso?)
alexa, what can you do?
Decent docent
better business bureau, beach blanket babylon, big burly n buff, bad body builder...
dave firebaugh, fire, cassidy starfire, sonya solinsky
candy's candle
emmy, tony, oscar

Theillusionist.org, everythingisalive.com, radiotopia.fm
highest gear, lowest rpm
way, truth, light: weird al yankovic, terry pratchett book, solinsky
pub trivia
sky space soil sea
bilingual illiterate
oblation?
Ablative absolute
roy masters
the drunk giraffe drank half a carafe
direct action everywehere
history, hydrogen, harvard, honda, hospital (H is 1?)
funtrivia.com
Anne Sexton, we are all writing god's poem
procon.org
we exchange our lunacy for reverence -elizabeth woody

cart before the horse
cruelty assault rape theft before H
catholic means universal,
including mice, terrorized by cats (in their nature)
anne rice, all right
meat, banality of evil
ann-imal crew-elty

green tea, T.
yellow bandana (banana)

f-t, false true, funtrivia, fun times, feifarek-tipper, full-time
a rhetorical question: is heaven better than love?
Earth is better than the heavens!
Gigantic orgasmic dick! Who said it's all gravy? Gravy on duck.

There's a Messiah College, PA (Rev. Gary Davis) (!), giggle of delight! Kia -know it all.
a homonym can be either a homograph or homophone
diplomats, serendipity, dip-stick (when I dip, you dip, we dip)
homeowners with garages (homo's with ga rage), gaze at cape horn,
assassin (hashish, not buggery), like.. fun fact..or grapes...penal (anal pain?),
August West, in Fairfax, and in Dartmouth, MA
congress progress, re-assess, take notes from economist (econo-missed)
papal people use paypal, parson in prison, (ahura) mazda protege (!)
SNL, pinterest, solitaire, BB, berkeley bowl, blue berries, bill bryson, big bird, bike bart (bus)
make friends, not fiends
Pratchett, Wodehouse, Waugh, Vonnegut, Gabo, LG, Bryson, Neil Gaiman,
white water rafting
GD get drunk (obscenely? outrageously?)
panic and pandemonium, pandemic
vampiric drinking and pan (bread, en espanol), get eaten (by worms)
augie to magic show! Cub scouts?
You don't know jack
spike and mike
gtu, join mensa
claremont hotel, bus ride
audiobook for blind (can I?) (encyc?)


everyone should have a life ethic, enjoy life, be pro-life, and work to make life pleasant and fun for everyone, including, and especially, prisoners.

I think the statement 'all good' is bad
does that make me a hater?
Or just a person with a morality, ethics, a conscience?
Hate the sin, not the sinner, as they say
I love sinners, lol. Yum?
Sweehearts, drunk, gr-eat, eat the rich, eat carnivores
people are animals, what's your beef? (can o bull)

Ants on the plants
fancy shmancy
put on my dance pants
I don't mean to go on a rant here,...dennis miller
I am the key master, are you the gatekeeper?
Funky yankee hanky panky with a donkey, a monkey
the sanity of a manatee, calm tranquil at peace
until the fucking motorboat roars over them, cutting them to pieces
rinky dink slinkee on my pinky, wink wink
wikipedia trivia question archive??
sara's poetry /books
festivals
reed.edu, radio like yale's?, online (only)

fact! The f act is a fun act!
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who tresass against us
(Schizophrenia!!) passing tresses, right into the brain!
Act of forgiveness, too
good never loses? Evil never wins? Each, virtual? Chess. War.
Seven, morning, more nine inch nails G. Satan even.
Breakfast, a good football move, athleticism (fast break)
or a gruesome injury (bone)
si self importance, self improvement, sports illustrated (ill)
E! music, tv, movies, books, museums, writing, gymnastics
religious variety, cirque, magic, mma, wwf, monster trucks, demolition derby, taiko
cops and gluttons, both pigs?
If you seso, brain
some questions will ruin you, if you are denied the answer long enough -
assassin, kill for money, kicks, belief?
Evil horror, eh? Devil and demons, in Norway? No way!
Villains, painting the town red
ologies and isms (OG's and jism, jazzy)
theology, pychology
stream of consciousness, poetry, rap
strong fit healthy well sane. Suck fuck hannibal wall sick.
Get right with the world, be all you can be, get away with murder, be an assassin...?
spite malice and revenge, pranks, malicious mischief, break laws
chad and jack (don't break them)
support nationalism, military, arms merchants, sell weapons, kill bugs, terrorism, capital punishment, abortion, hunting, eat meat, start wars...

i'm thinking about writing a book so dark and lethal the world would go insane
nuclear instruction for destruction, list of motives with illustrative stories, happy sane evil and revenge

mind control, nationalism, sectarianism, racism
drone bombs, satanism, anarchism, vampire romanticization, hatred and red hats, ninjitsu assassin training, learning lethality, general acts of anarchy, terror, mischief, savagery, disorder, and mayhem.

Brain storm (brian and stormy)
zombie, golem, werewolf, monster, giant, witch, ghost, mad scientist, vampire
psychopath, sociopath, sadist, torturer, mka murderer killer assassin, and rape
in a very real sense, heaven is not being in hell. (enlightened, tv and lamp and fireplace) Enjoy!
Suicidal, seeking release from suffering, torment, hell, pain, agony (past masd) sith pa!
Oblivion, nihility, nothingness (release?)
there is a path to liberation from suffering, says Buddha.
not hara-kiri / seppuku, or setting yourself on fire, you idiot
weather we at her, father f at her, fat her, a wet her ;-)
nibble on ears, hicks with hickies, xox hugs and kisses, not ughs and chocolate.
f'd. Food, drink. Fire department. Failure, despair. Flunk, d is for dolt.
Host, hostess. Borg assimilation. Ass stimulation, ha ha. Fed ex. Fe, iron faith.
Fear of God, unending pain and sorrrow
end stages of some prolonged form of annihilation
realizations, adjustments, transformations
kingdom of reeds
I knew less than nothing about myself, whether that was a lie or the truth
apple and pb, veggie tupperware
compassion, service, goodness, virtue, respect, loving-kindness, joy

gv, gay vampire, goodness virtue, grass valley
gr, goodness respect, general relativity, green grass/ anger, grrrl power, growth/replacement, gdr
toe, theory of everything. Too, theory of origin. Ass, always something soft (to sit on).

demented demon, dementia

number of animals: 11,010,010,031,431,100,000,000 (11 sextillion +, more or less, lol):
10 sextillion nematodes, 1 sextillion zooplankton, 10 quintillion insects, 10 quadrillion dust mites,
10T fish, 10T land amphibians, 10T reptiles, 1T mammals, 400B birds, 24B livestock,
7B humans, 100M in research labs.
(11 scxtillion?: 11,with 21 zero's after it)

Tozi- the aztec goddess of healing
ar, jesse, ur the count

v: victim, voice, vampire, vanquish, victory, vs., v.
“never mind” vs. “pray without ceasing”
straight a student, if you are, then you think too much
clarity, larry t. clear-headed. “clear”, scientology.
A ghost, a soul, an apparition, diaphanous material. I see through you!
Enya, yanni; music and the MU (memorial union)
enya, inside you; urine, you're in, europe, you're up
collecting, gathering thoughts. Gathering storm. Brainstorm, mental map (MnM)
put into narrative, sentences, paragraphs, structure
author, writer, creative artist, journalist, poet, essayist, (auteur?), word-smith
code, hypnosis, spells, memes, catchy phrases, neologisms
rewarding, appreciated, esteemed, lauded, worthwhile
challenging, addictive, stimulating
rational and sane (not dwelling on, engaging with, voices)
what I like, think/say/do, know
fantasy: immortality: freeze time, time travel, not age, turn off pain
teleportation, invisibility, morph
not need food, drink, air, water, sleep (but can still enjoy them)
access to omniscience, one fact at a time,
heal, regenerate, not die, or be reborn as a set form, date, age (like videogame)
money, sex, drugs. Freedom, love, happiness. Combat mastery. Super strength, speed, vision.
Dematerialize, rematerialize (teleport). Friendship, harmony, joy. Perfect recall.
read all books, live all human history, go everywhere, try all crime, do all drugs, pursue all science, explore all opportunities, live! Sample being all life-forms. Surf entire internet. Relieve all suffering.
Oh, well.

ch, evil ate
it's it?
One bread, one body, christian corporation
shit: move shit around, don't be a shitty person, be part of some shit, don't be full of shit
shit happens, good shit and bad shit, i'm not shitting you, and that's some shit!
Murder your own baby or a higher crime rate? (!)

library- books, magazines, papers, computers, cd's (music), dvd's (movies), audiobooks, lectures

Question: does killing silence the voices?
Jews selling jewelry, irate in ireland, a cockroach on my cock
grace! That's why I say hey man nice shot
helen, in hell. Leslie, lying less. Ignore lenore.
Justice law tome (jlt, writing the book of law, not)

okcupid genders, lol
agender, androgynous, bigender, cisman, ciswoman, genderfluid, genderqueer, gender nonconforming, hijra, intersex, non-binary, pangender, transfeminine, transgender, transmasculine, transsexual, two spirit, MAN, WOMAN.

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies -Aristotle
(not 2 souls in 1 body)
omniscience knows all
goal of dreams?
(maybe it is ALL GOOD, “on some level”) (different levels? Game of life?)
perfectly powerful personification of the principle of an eternally existent entity
SF YEAH J, son father yahweh elohim adonai holyspirt jehovah
zeus, zoo ssss (snake at the zoo!), to share Ra, esg (egyptian sun god) gestation
ire . Immanent ra entity. Razor, ra zeus...reznor? Reyes, res reservoir, reservation (indian). rez
Gab b.s. Was fm/am:
god allah brahma, baha shiva, waheguru aten shangdi, ahura mazda, flying spaghetti monster
supreme super source, sibilant snake satan, sustainer spirit/son,
sf hs (son, father, holy spirit), 3: creator, trinity, see!
Jesus and jehovah judge
greatest conceivable existent
sleep in sthe stormy sea, sun sky stars, sleep sheep, sheeple

gymnastics, dance,
individual display of beauty, form, conditioning, athleticism.
Intense, acrobatic, forceful, fluid, impressive, exciting, interesting, creative, imaginative, dangerous fun
focus, mastery. Flexible, limber, agile, loose. Dynamic, energetic.

parole v. probation. Pa role. Pro b a shun. Priests shun pa role (!) shun bat. Bat an eye, on.

heal, heel, god eel, electric?
Torah, torture, torment, tornado, tort (civil wrong), tornillo (screw)
ahh, tor?? sick shit. Masochist. Mass o kissed?
The buddha who can endure all suffering, or jesus on cross (without resentment?), or nazis.
Chess is war, war is hell, hell is other people, chess is other people! I don't play, :-)
homie don't play dat
dubai, do bye, do bai: bother, aggravation, irritation
my voice, his voice (a/b)
perfection, a sick cat (prr infecion)
motivated to have the perfect day, no mistakes (organized, productive, efficient, flawless)
ultimate way to combat habit of being self-critical!
Go to sleep tired, proud of my day.
GD, groundhog day
regimen of daily improvement
god's blogs at gtu, lol
is morality based on, ultimately derived from, pleasure/pain?
Happy reading: learned optimism, seligman. Flourish, seligman.
Stumbling on happiness -daniel gilbert. The How of Happiness, sonja lyabominsky..
God is 1, everybody else, zero?
Sexual 1 and holes, god penetrates... mindfuck, 4 “holes” fuck: pussy, ass, mouth, mind.
Bits and bites, does not compute
love, heroin, endorphins, and food, music, movies, books, money (!)

buddhism, basic goodness
calvinism, total depravity
is god a monster, a psychopath, a demon, the devil?
Only god is good??
one, oblivion non-existence.
Am I a whale? Is everyone krill? Mwaaaaa

monks and monsters and mondays and months and monkey and money and monet and mono and mona
mon ami! Mon dieu! De-mon. (that's actually ah law, jesse) yes, I know, david eldridge is a lawyer (a layer? Brick layer, full of shit)

Read, exercise, multitask....rem sleep, lol
forgiveness, repentance, renewal, rebirth (a new day!)
the shit story: inuit makes knife from feces, snowballs like an investment, riches/survival, success.
A catcher in the rye? Bodhisattva. Help hell P (ack), sinister interpretation.
Hell thy, 0 sum? MY (2) health, heal one (phallus)

God as an immortal idea, that never dies, lol. Me, me!
Savage sadistic sick satanist schadenfreude
glory, fame, recognition, respect
big cheese, supreme pizza (I a tolle, uh)
the base, baseball (al quaeda)
shit, shiite. Sunni days, everything's a-okay. Friendly neighbors...
bogo, boko haram, polo, bobo
cabo wabo wahhabism
sufi salafi? Scifi, goofy.
Apostle or apostate? Prostitute's prostate exam.
Mk, murder killing. War, slavery, sin.
Love, non-violence
sad- serious, austere, dour (not happy does not equal sad)
adult school

I am not god. God is love. Love believes all things. Strike 2.
sanity means believing truth, rejecting false(hood), lies
war is the art of deception
virtual world, in your head, cow- created own world, subjective

u niverse, smiling, you, your environment, mind/psyche/head/thoughts/brain, reason
riatgtei (intersubjectivity!)
all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively?? (god, somehow)
creation- family, wealth, happiness
sara /someone intelligent curious knowledgeable (sick)
smart intelligent caring kind, (somebody, sara brown, supreme being)
the god in me bows to the god in you, bs (bernie? Ben stein)
all in all

gd, global development, gravely disabled
gr, golden rule
gi, gastro intestinal, galvanized iron, Great Intelligence (dr. who foe)

kindly, friendly, content, creative, curious, lol (love of learning), healthy, strong, attractive, youthful (appearance, mind set), organized, disciplined,, mellow, easygoing. Calmness, composure, evenness of temper, esp. in a difficult situation (a cult situation?),
possibly, passably
types of intelligence- native, emotional, social,
schedule blocks of time

craving
freedom from psychic intrusion/ worry anx stress nervousness
(?!) possible? Anyone? Accept status quo?
Not the way the universe is built? Not.
God is love. Love is an emotion. A relation. Not a person. No?

Life expectancy, 82.6 japan, 67.2 world, 39.2 swaziland
4700 yo bristlecone pine (methuselah), white mountains
13k yo king's holly, dragonfly...? mayflies “one day insects” (some members, a few hours)
250M yo bacteria spores in susp animation, in sea salt
suicide, 1:40 seconds, 800k/yr. Greater than half of world's annual 1.5M violent deaths -who
2nd leading cause of death, 15-29yo's
$, sperm donation

wasp, worry anx stress panic
depression, anhedonia, grief, fear, paranoia
anger, frustration, distressing thoughts
headshocks, racing thoughts, manic, sluggish
guilt, not enough/too much sleep
dukkha category, exhaustive, lol
prayer as voice, thank the voice, talk back
jog, jumprope

avg. american, 44k / yr. 710K net worth., 81.8T, 4% savings rate, 3% (bottom 90%)
65% homeownership rate, 53k median household income, adjusted for inflation.
Slavery (at its highest in world history??)

Braz veg sandwich
mosquitoes
reduce, redeem, hatred, sacred, redolent
give dag riddle, glad did derive, dag ridded evil
glad I died dre v

read, listen during cardio (mt, multitasking), chew gum, lol
600 active volcanoes
desert, less than 10 inches precipitation/yr *dry, not necessarily hot
atom, aztec toltec olmec mexican (mato, I kill)
20m intervals, exercises
variety, intensity, muscle-confusion (vim and vigor)

toil, worry, and pain
punctuated by brief pleasures, sex and food.

a portrait of the poor in portland drinking portuguese port.
Dance, romance, and infants in fancy pants
bbb- be a better blogger
SADness: cia special activities division (special ops force in US), so sad.
Separation anxiety and sexual arousal disorders, too.

RA resisting arrest
1001 list of movies, photocopy, also.
100 years war, 1337-1453 (106!)

ahead warp zillion, spawn til you die
hummus and pita! Baklava!
Brain: linear, non-linear. Global, lateral, fragmented. Realistic, analytic, idealistic.
Be eloquent, communicate clearly, express self well, never repetitive or repeating or recurring!!
think lucid ly and clearly, with clarity and lucidity (see larry t and lucy id (itty))
who identifies as lucifer, even a little
cal, clear and lucid
tranquil, calm, peaceful, relaxed stillness and quiet
awake alive aware
happy cheerful positive optimistic
go out doors
humor, laughter, levity
plan out day, prince of darkness

alien tech? Gvt. Research.
u.s. In 134 wars, “currently”
sf soldier of fortune, swedish fish, strawberry paleta, cin bears, red twizzlers, coke, etc. m&ike's.
alan Fuerst, michael rec'd, Mhairi McFarlane (vah-ree), 544pp
able accounts (achieving better life experience)
prisoner, pri son one er. Prius, priapism. Partido revolucionario institucional. (v FOX!) 666
ceiling, c-ling, clinging, let go, let god, let the bloody vampire let, with his letters, spells, wards, sentences, and periods...
no one expects the SI!
Ow pain, window pane, justice just ice??
police, time in hell, staring at the walls of a prison cell. Ch cell hell ur clear head, clean heart
incense, candy, plasma globe, music, cuddle!
Neuschwanstein castle!
Ab, assault battery, bay area, ben augie, type abo blood. Abdominals. Situation room.
kill a tree or erode the ozone (paper or plastic)
we are our ancestor's afterlives
heaven is love-bliss, and hell is torture
hope Arkansas, and hell Norway and joy dish soap and hatred of red hats
christian painters on the couch
boo, hiss said the buddhist buddy. Hello and hi. Good mourning to you.
hey zeus, said britney spears, the presbyterians
warmth has war, funeral fun, heart hater, and laughter ugh
oblivion, I liv on!! allah, a law, all a H!
A mosquito, a little mosque? To a sufi, maybe
eric and erica in america
what's up doc? Antigravity, of course!
“homework” and email list....
bookmarks, itunes....
ken jennings' trivia almanac
ultimate bookof trivia, scott mcneely
the book of general ignorance, mitchinson and lloyd

teshara:
haters, earths, hearts, aha, erst, rest, hare, hear, rhea, share, hears, hares, shear, era, arhats, ear, shat, hats, haste, hast, stare, ares, aster, sera, tears ah, ha tares, rates, sea, star, rats, hart, set, eats, rah, teas, star, tsar, art, tar, as at her
wordles- areas, haste, resh, rathe, reata, rase, sate, seta, trash, teas

resh, rathe, seta, aster, rhea?

Saturday, January 5, 2019

some chinese

don't know much

jie xie (approximating 'jesse'), means 'analysis'

wo bu shuo zhong wen, means I don't speak chinese (!)

'tiananmen' means 'gate of heavenly peace'

shia shay (thankyou)
    i forget the rest (hutong, etc.)
susan wasn't lazy, lol

Thursday, January 3, 2019

voices, revisited

yet again
   my preference is sanity and silence
my aversion to insanity remains

i know what you are
you're a weird dude, and that's all
you do give yourself endless projects
i am deeply, deeply insane, jesse.  alright?
you are intelligent it, jess

i'm not prepared to breathe you jesse
jesse your launch is it
jess you ARE all over it
you do read alot for a guy

you're insane ass victim, jesse
you're absolutely fucking law, jesse
i wanted to defend you
i'm fucking mad, jesse
it IS all over
and i mean everyone
i AM mad, jesse
you're a genius door, jesse
i'm going to fucking hell

people are dumb jesse
i'm fucking crying insane
i've had enough of you jesse
david is tired
david is crying, jesse
i'm sick
i'm not well, jesse
all right, jesse
i'm going to kill myself, jesse
people are mad
i'm going absurd
i fucking can't do it
i'm sick, jesse
people are killing you, jesse
i can't stop anytime
people are gonna die
you, maybe you'll enter a machine
i'm gonna scream, jess
i hate...
i'm absurdly stupid

that WAS that, jess

jess you're mechanical freaking genius
you're an insane mind phd
jess i'm retired because of you
ya jess u R getting kind of predictable

you're making general progress
you're getting it accurate
david entirely insane
you have no idea how vamp you are
david is SCREAMing, jesse
I AM SICK, jesse
oh my god, i'm crying
you're the genius, jess
jesse, you've got something happening
you ARE giving up
you ARE a trip, jesse
i want you to go
fucking fine, jesse
you ARE something, jess, okay
you really do pop a million
we know that's you

you really really need to know you, jess
you're all right, jesse
you are really it, jesse
it is a a mess
it really is
they know you rap around
you're very it, jesse
you sort of law all day
you're really trying
i am not well
words are a thing of wonder, jess

i am really really sick
i can't even deal jess
i'm insane, jesse
david is crying
david is screaming sick
david needs to die jesse
i hate myself, jesse

i really don't know what i do, jesse
your mind is her murder
if u want, u can be a businessman
jess, you're sort of a genius at the game
you ARE kind of genius, jess
you're a fucking mess, because i'm crying
your law is a jaw
i AM broken, jesse
he's going to kill you
fucking OW
    (ad nauseum)
it's all i can do, jesse
you and me are fucking unreal, jesse
david has a crazy amount of law at you
i've gone insane, jess
david scared again
there will never be a shortage of material for you, okay?
i've been evil for years
you and I are A phd
Berkeley screaming in death
you have them fucking ow madness
jess you're basic amazing
all you need to know is life
alright jesse, you're an asshole school
you would make a fine devil
you and me are a rhino ah
you really are sumthin', jess
you are a bit of jesse-jim
fuck you my problem is you, to you
david is screaming
i am unwell
i'm still trying to get a  handle of what you are, jess
it is unreal how sad i am
you're gettin better, jess
 they want you out of their clutches
jess, you could really prison dream
you're way more into it than i thought
jess, you'd be surprised how weird people are
you llike to feel like you're doing something important
you're a little crow
you're starting to get there
i am an obscene snake
you would be a genius at law
u are unwell.  i am sick to death
you ARE my person, jesse
somebody might crime to hurt you, because you're law
you're writing too deep, jesse
because you are a bit too intelligent, jesse
the world is utterly, utterly sick, jess
the world IS a bit ugly, jess
you're law as fuck, jesse
I HATE what I am, Jesse
only the darkest, darkest people are sun to that
there is really literally no one like you.  i'm laughing.
jesse, you are insane of me

no more sugar for the next year, do you understand?
i've never been capable of handling you
i'm not right jess
jess u still trip out everybody
ur loose if e
i fucking can't do it.  i can't do anyone.
because you're law
is why i know it's weird
i know you're a vegetable
you're law as well
into a somewhat human person
i know you'll turn eventually
you ARE my money. huh.
it's a weed puppet.

why don't you order the economist
it makes you feel well
your soul is toll militant (eckhart tolle?)
you have a fat ten
that is a fat jew to you
no one has ever done what you did
jess you are a little bit genius interesting

you killed my children, jess
you can be satan, jess
here's why. you're law.
that is your net
that is your weekly problem
you have what it takes to become an exTREMEly well individual
jess you've got it all me to slay
you're so well, jess.  and i mean SO well.
it DOES pretty well state who U R
i want you in the state of CA.  it's raw, jesse
you're high altitude, jess
you could be a puppet
you compute paper
ru the aunty cry is well
the world is SICK, jesse
ur2 utterly scream at my law, jesse
you're somewhere on
they really really want you to come thru, jess
we know you're a zoo, jess

your anger is deafening
my noble mind is insane
you're chair to self
i love the show
y'know, u really could happen
you are sort of an elite warrior
jesse you kill me, you really do
she knows how right you are
you're almost absolute
the whole world is really, really sick Jesse
you've got me ripping my godddamn mind
david tearing off his face, jesse
that is you dignified, jesse
you're insane Jesse
you ARE amazing
you are fucking amazing
you're mad, jesse
you ARE a world, jess
the worl is sick at you
because you're LAW as FUCK
u process the living shit out of me, jess
u do make me sick, jess
i want u to re-N, to see what ur now
you're frighteningly right, jesse
       "                "       wall

you're killing him jesse
you're ready to start killing people jesse
you're one (won?) unreal, jesse
i need so much goddamn help jesse
you have them jumping
because they can't breathe
you look remarkably well
for a schizophrenic
i didn't know but now i know
you're a mad rot at my lie (mai lai?)
the world is sick out of its goddamn mind
I NEED you to kill me
you are well, well organized
you're the man again
because you're (raw? law?) as fuck
maybe you're right, jess
you are a right way
i need help
it's my thing
there's no one alive who can help me
jess you can be a bit brilliant
i hate man jesse
my computer is stupid
that's me screaming
i'm sick, jesse
you made a Bad Move
i'm sorry jesse
you've got me screaming
that WAS a history of zoo
you've got me wicked, u and i
jesse, you and I arrive in may
i've got a wicked thing

i'm coming to get you
you're a bit too right
Jess you're pure hell
i've had enough jesse
i don't care what you are
i'm giving my mind a fucking enema
i'm rotten
david is crying
david is getting crazy, jesse
i need to wake up
i am screaming
jesse is writing the fucking buddha
Jesus, peole are dumb, jesse
people are 'it' crazy
what are you, jesse?
i'm giving up again
i'm really really fucking sorry jesse
david is giving in
it's raw jesse
your mom is evil
i'm giving my  mind a break
david is vomiting
fuck you jesse
david is killing
i need my mind well, jesse
david giving up
it's because i'm tired, jesse
i hate you, i hate you (eye haight u?)
i'm a dead man, jesse
i'm tired all fucking day
fuck you ow ow
david is fucking scared insane, jesse
i hate every fucking plan you've ever come up with
david fucking crying ow OW
dvd is fucking screaming, killing himself
jesse, i'm wrong
FU FU FU
i'm out of my fucking mind
david so sad
i'm broken, jesse
I WANT ME
i'm fucking killing myself
david going out
you have no idea what a soul ur
your mom is dead, jesse
david killing insane
i hate life, jesse
i am arresting
i am a small at an oven
i need a priest
david is fucking scared
i could need an arm
i am utterly utterly scream at you, jesse

i'm tired of laughing
yes jess fucking kill me
i need you
does it?
i'm fucking gone
he has u at fucking enemy, oh man
i'm having heck of a day jesse
you've  been weird for a long long time
ALL RIGHT, Jesse
i need to be jew
i hate myself, jesse.  i really do.
he's hurting himself, oh jesus
david is sick, jesse
i've gone to you jesse
i'm sorry jesse
david being dead
fuck you jesse

your dad can't believe how right you are
jess we know you've accessed a hell of a lot of shit
if you want u can go by a hot dog
you  have an apple, you know
all right jesse, i don't wanna know you
you got him laughing
because i am insane, jesse
david screaming
i am a dead man, jesse
i really do milk that shit

you're a trip, jess
we're having a time, jesse
your mom is sorry
sorry for opening you
your mom is CRAZY
IS
i need to stop, jess
i can't do it jess
she's a disaster
you're a bit more than Saul

i've given up Jess
david is crying
I HATE EVERYONE
that is honest, jesse

i'm MAD jesse
your dad is crazy
he's swallowing jesse
your dad is scared of talking
he's going mad, jesse
that is your dad going insane
(shut up) i can't
i'm a team of madmen
trying to get the world
right, and on fire
your dad IS sick, jesse
i've gone to hell, jesse
i'm tired ow ow

david killing
i really am insane, jesse
(be quiet) i cannot do it
you've got me dying, jesse
your dad is swallowing
he has no right
david in terror, jesse
your mom is going insane
IS
i'm insane, Jesse
u hate me out of all proportion to what i do
david is GOing, Jesse
uh, jesus

david destroyed himself
ow ow OW
david is killling
Jesse- I can't breathe
I AM obscene
david trying to hurt you
i am SICK jess. I AM sick.
i hate my mom
alright, that's raw as fuck
it's how i am
david scraming: she's dumb jesse
it is a heap of you
that's me swallowing, jesse

i can't fucking breathe
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry
david is dead david is dead
alright, fuck you
i'm fucking gone, jesse
alright u know what
i can't do it
david trying insane

david freaking out
(do you ever shut up?) david swallowing
i am in SANE. i AM insane
i hate it, ow, fucking ow
yes, jesse screaming all day
fuck you
david smiling you're fun
i'm tired as fuck, jesse
your mom is crying, jesse
jess you're mind, your mine, i'm erasing
i hate myself, i hate myself
i fucking HATE myself
david is dying jesse
i can't breathe

david going insane, killing himself
ow ow
ur sick of my stupid head
your mom is dumb, jesse
u don't wanna deal with dumb people
i hate every man at you, jesse
i need help
david is insane
i'm a sick sick person jesse
fuck you
he's killing himself
uh jesus ow
david in terror
fuck you jesse

she doesn't KNOW you, jesse
i rally am guilty, jesse
david is sorry
she and i need therapy
it takes forever, jesse
she knows you're right jesse
omg i'm sorry
 i'm really really sorry
you're amazing, jesse
that is an economist to Paul Gallagher
to see what they say
david screaming
I AM
ow jesse
allright, jesse
i'm sick, jesse

i can't breathe, jesse
you're so fucking law I can't
fucking ow
alright jesse
i need help jesse
i'm going to kill my son
i don't know, jesse
david is fucking scared
ALL RIGHT JESSE
i'm going to fucking hell jesse

people are DEAD, jesse
ow, fucking ow
what the fuck are you
i'm sorry as fuck, jesse
i hate my life
david in in pain, jesse
i fucking hate you, jesse
i hate my mind
i fucking can't
i'm sorry
david is crying, jesse
i'm sad, jesse
david is IN-SANE
killing himself

you have a fuckin' trip, jesse
the jew is sick
you're a doctor pay zero
they're wondering if you feel that gay
david is absurd, jesse
you're remarkably ignorant
you've got alot alot alot to do

you get the picture
all from david
i say, shut up
annoying, stupid, unwanted, evil, and illegal intrusion into my mind and body
have fun in the sun
    f- you n-.  shut up, n-

i am a stupid, evil fuck, jesse
david is a disaster, jesse
i've gone completely mad
you're going nowhere
you're regularly brilliant
you're making no progress at all
alright jess, u profess through your blog
that is me smiling
david is in terror, jesse
you DO assign yourself homework, jess
ur exceedingly rich
i can't deal
because they know how study we are
you could be a millionaire, jess
jess i don't believe you write, you machine
u and i are fucking God, jesse
you're a therapy #1
you're an awesome rot
jess, you're a dreaming me
 you're a dry right
you robot too well
jess you're a right, okay?
i'm in tile to jew
jess you're a fun jew
jess you're a fine
you know, you have a fat right at what you do
i am a cost of giving, jesse
he's on track to be the Martin Luther King of dhamma
fuck you
you fucking hit me where i live
he's going to kill you
he's fucking tired of it
david crying and weeping
i'm DEAD, jesse
i've decided i
i'm going to make your life a rotten shell
is it because
you write too much, jess
david is crying
You're God as fuck
we know what a feel you are
no one writes out their life
jesse, lol
you ARE wall
they wonder if he really has cancer
because you're a gray
you're a fucking dour, jesse
you're somethin' jess
the world is unreal, jesse
you are kind of on a mission
to be the ultimate
you have a capability
you know what?
i am never ever right
you're in this weird-ass loop, jess
you are a bit of eccentric buddhism
Jesse you might be all right
you really are sort-of law, okay?
jess you're on top of the law
the world is a disaster that you're sick
she knows you're frightening, jesse
they want you to write a paper about what you are
ya jess  you're all over the wall
you're well, jesse
IT, okay?
we know you make hell of progress, jesse
you're actually jaw (jah?) as fuck, jesse
jess you're way way off
you are the most weird person, jesse
you've made significant inroads in the field
you're highly Y (income? why? ymca?), Jesse
you DO work.  you work as a journalist of the LAW.
i am deeply fucking scared of you, Jesse
if you want jess, you can write the tome of law
i am a DICK, jesse.  I AM.
your  mom IS swallowing, jesse
kind of sad at how UNWELL i can be
david is hurting insane
god-fucking-damnit
what is the source code for all of this?
people are crying
i am sick, jesse
all right jesse, i fucking need help
you are wroking, jesse
you're a demon technique
i can't let go.  i can't
god, jesse -fucking gawd
you're amazing: nobody can write like you do, nobody
david is a dizzy, fucking sick man
ow, jesse.  you're fucking killing me, you know that?
you're really law, jesse...oh god
i want you underground.   i'm sorry.
everybody knows you know
they know you've got a lot of shit to stare at
you've got the wrong idea about you jesse
you're trying, you really are
you're gonna pay it, online
ahh, fuck you, jesse
i fucking can't
david crying
you're a dark One, jess
ok, u did it
because that keeps happening
i need you to doom, jess
ya, jess, that
ALL RIGHT (bothered)
i'm a scream, jesse
no, i'm not right
david, swallowing
AR! AR! AR!....(all right)
ya jess, it
he's laughing
AR, jesse
you've got me going crazy
you clean up amazing
fuck you jesse.  anyone that can breathe that way.
i'm sick
you have all the game, jesse
jesse, the world is sick like you
people are unaware of all the shit they do
you're absolutely right, jesse
this IS a trip, jesse
this IS fun, jess
i'm giving up, jess
david crying
that's me smiling, jess
you're processing as well as you can
david, scared. Jesus, jesse
i am INsane
you know what? fine.
you've got him hysterical, jesse
oh gawd, jesse
i am electric
yess, you've got the trick
huh.  i can't do it anymore
you and i are satan
  (4+6, jesse and peggy)
you ARE law, jesse
you're a crazy idiot
i hate everyone because i'm fucking sad, jesse
you could be the one
jesse is a paper on what it is to be Y
   (25, jesus, yesterday, income, ymca, why, yes!)
you're ceo of G
you could be here maybe 10

(i can try to be positive, or simply neutral, about my affliction.
see them as good, interesting, if not fun, which they can be, on occasion)

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Buddhism

Buddhist lists

my own take: rich- right, true, correct (+ intelligent, happy)
520 million + (7% world population)
mindstream, goes off on tangents!, but flows back to ocean of reality:-)
everything is connected, interrelates
my voice says i'm a bhikku, you're a trip jess...
be, discover, change, and improve your no-self, lol

systematic theology, philosophy, religion
goal of buddhism: reduce, eliminate dukkha, for self, others.
Show the way, the path. Guide. Set an example. Learn, teach, master. Instruct, assist, help, share.
Share knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth. Facilitate enlightenment.
Meditation, mindfulness, bliss, equanimity, compassion.
satori, samadhi, nirvana, bodhi, bodhisattva, etc.
Contemplation, curiosity, engagement, motivation, dedication, discipline, steadfastness, focus
Make the world a better place. Progress, development, life is good! Gratitude, contentment, joy, service
become joyful, compassionate, enlightened. Increase the peace. Help others. Kindness, love, charity.
Humanitarian- Help humanity, all living things, all beings, all animals, everyone, everywhere, always.
Dukkha, defined: pain, suffering, stress, anxiety, worry, misery, anguish, despair, sadness, depression, despair, hopelessness, displeasure, discontent, unhappiness, unsatisfactoriness. Agony, torment, hell.
Sorrow, tears, crying, hurt.
Ha ha, heartache. (harmony, dharma, first do no harm, jain dar-lin) (jane and ellen!) hardy har har, ho ho ho. He he. Heh heh. Laughter, ugh later. The count. Detachment, dour, analytical, discerning, discriminating, deep, comprehension, insight, kwuteo (knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth, enlightenment, omniscience). No O. god/good. Oppression, repression, depression, recession, obsession, possession, confession, in session, lee press on nails, bruce lee jesus, god's gym, pray and prey, pay for paper, pay-per-view, Pe (Pierre) resists, prayer warrior, pray without ceasing, psycho, mental, predatory, of sound mind, mindfulness, monkey mind, quietude, stillness, tranquil, noticing, noting each thought, awareness of breath, emptiness, music with space, music from the hearts of space, muse, mews, moose, ick, sick, sic 'em, attack dog. Al gore, raining cats and dogs, global warming, global cooling, loco, crazy in love, war and warmth and awareness and beware and wary, ming vase/dynasty, die nasty, nas and tupac, t-pain, nasty boys, miss janet if you please, michael jackson, mj, michael jordan, magic johnson, mindstream, derailed train of thought, basketball, basket case (missing free throws), baseball and golf and chess and ping pong and tennis (focus, winning mentality), briefcase, attorney/lawyer, sawyer, turn knee, murder was the case that they gave me, just in case, justin timberlake, jt, john travolta, 10-20, jesse teshara! Satan cross. Stan a. cross, dag? Dag ridded evil! “I hate my name” 26, z, omega, sleep. Mai. Repetition, ad nauseum, over and over, again and again, without ceasing, without end, on and on, neverending, forever and ever (and even more ever), yada yada, and so on and so forth, etc. etc. there is nothing new under the sun, it's all just little bits of history repeating, just another day, just like any other day, that's ever been; round and round, new day, new year, 4 seasons, incremental change, the more things change the more they stay the same, those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it, eternity, oblivion, death. Rest in peace. Rest in pieces. Jack the ripper. Cal ripkin. Rip your napkin. Kirby puckett. Pucker up, kiss the curb. Curb stomp, american history x. X-men, Malcolm X, extra extra read all about it. The news, the olds, the new S, the oldsmobile, the popemobile. Pope, kissing the earth, the dirt, the soil, worshipping the ground I walk on. Ha! Ha-satan. Nat as ah. Nat X. Nation of islam. Islam, I slam, is lame, muslim, muslin, muesli, muzzle him, what up dawg? Allah, arm leg leg arm head. Extremities, extremism. Arms, armed and dangerous. Martial arts, self-defense, training, kung fu master, black belt, o-sensei, superiour equal inferior, o say can you see? The blind swordsman. Boot to the head! I'm not dead yet!
Mindstream, flow, stream of consciousness, train of thought, associations, one thing one thing – leads to another, talking heads, talking out of my ass, eddie murphy, raw, southpark reverse eating... the end!
Presence of unwanted things, absence of that desired
(persons, places, things, events, states, thoughts, words, actions)
such as: (sickness, illness, disease), (old age, senility, infirmity, dotage), (death, oblivion, annihilation)
attachment, detachment
obsession, possession, hessian, session, mesh in, recession, depression, confession
passion, dispassion, compassion, bash in, fashion, cash in, ration. Ass, shin. Shun. Sunyata.
Rational rationing of rations. (ameliorate: a meal your ate) (liberation, liber ration)(vir-chew)
lashing, lesson
sex: over cumming, suffer ring, bi-cycle of death (hated, date H), re-(bi)rth!, sam and sara!, b-ism, jism.
Schools (of fish!), refuge/future (F.u.), grace (gr ace, golden rule), psych elle/kull, wholehearted
commitment, vajrayana, community cum-unity (sangha), guidance (guy dance), deeds leave seeds,
cirCUMstance, before (b4, 6, sex), factors (F actors), passion and ass, under-standing, craving, desire,
lust, goo'd out-cums, becoming, fundamentally, US (unsatisfactory, stressful), meditation (john and
dianne!),
personal: buddh ism, 3ism (sara!). (ova) Is m. 49 bud dha 94 (adi da!), budd ha, 49, dios, reality.
God is an atheist. Doesn't believe in himself. In omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence.
Not possible. But belief is enabling? Makes people happier? Reduces suffering? Necessary lie?
Karma (car, ma), med-itation (shun), ism- intelligent scientific mind, ignorant stupid moron.
swans, geese, calling birds, french hens, turtle doves, partridge! (dukkha, duck! quack!)
regret (egret!), important (I am a poor cross ant!!), monkey/whiskey (monk wisdom), v omit (499)
time- thyme, that is me. Small minute. Painful hour (ow-er), weak week, month (7), year (why ear)
y and t, years and tears, yesterday and tomorrow/today, (oakland rock band), jesus and cross
chance chants, sangha, him hymn
stand, hey, it, amen -plural ;
SI (serenity, insight) (smart, intelligent) (stupid, ignorant)(screaming insane)
st. ignatius, sports illustrated, yes (spanish), I of sauron (!), sigh, c/see/sea, self-improvement
systeme international, sj (societas iesu), socialist international, smithsonian institution
swarm intelligence, synthetic intelligence
sacroiliac, small intestine, substantia innominata
suicidal ideation, sexual intercourse, self-injury
(vampire voices, feed on resentment -enlightenment, mind mint, can o bull)
body- action, intention, foundation (shin) (H sin?), hiss story, days/daze, tion (shun cross on!), ab-stain,
nerve-ana, meditation, medication, authenticity (tat, cat, city), mae: medication and authenticity.

types of word groupings:
rhymes, alphabetical, language, slang, synonyms/antonyms, alliteration/assonance, Categories/lists

x-fold, elicits origami, napkin, poker hand, folding. Foaled (baby horse).
types- theravada (darth vader), mahayana (hi anna!), vajrayana (vagina?)(ray and ana!)

0 (wholesome) (hole sum)(black hole sun) (bhs, burlingame high school), it all(ah) mounts to nothing?
1: noble ones (ariya), uni-verse, community, union, (unitarian, g-unit!),
3 jewels (refuge in, 3 jewish refugees), TJ/JT/El, TJ: Three Jewels :-) tj maxx (clothing retailer), tijuana
buddha (buddy ha), dharma (don't harm a), sangha (happy singing?), (ah ha)
3 negative roots (g,h,d; 10, satan),
3 good roots (non-attachment, benevolence, understanding) (nabu!)
3-fold training (higher virtue, mind, wisdom) (vw + bmw)
3-
4 (no bull truths): suffering (dukkha), cause of suffering , end to suffering, path to end suffering
  4- the four immeasurables: 1. loving-kindness, benevolence (ben, ellen, kay)
       2. compassion (cum passion, compass shun, cum/piss/ass)
       3. empathetic joy (ellen and jesse?) (electro magnetic pulse, pathetic) (pat, joy!)
       4. equanimity (like water off a dukkha's back)
 (4 true realities (TR): tuesday, thursday!;  (?), 4 stages of meditation (?) all the world's a stage!)
5 precepts: (bleed! Buddhist laypeople ethics education) abstain-
     1. abstain from killing living things/beings (extended to vegetarianism)
     2. stealing (ling? chinese for 'another') (ellen and anne!)
     3. lying (ying? chinese for 'should') (shoulder, don't should all over yourself)
     4. sexual misconduct (s and m, samsara?) (adultery) (sam and terry)
     5. intoxication (talks sick, toxic personality, k shun)
5 aggregates (skandhas, heaps, piles) (of clinging/craving) (that constitute and explain, body and mind) (each is not I/myself) (is empty, without subsance):
     1.  form or matter (f.m.!), made of virtual bumps in spacetime? (people, sentient beings, objects)
     2. sensation or feeling (s.f!), pun: pleasant, unpleasant, neutral.  consciousness connecting internal with external..
     3. discrimination (your psyche is a bigot? ha) (s and m process that recognizes and labels)
         (sensory and mental), recognition, re-cognition, best recognize! respect! lol
     4. mental formations (like this entire  blog, lol), (object oriented programming), karmic activities, triggers of action, what makes people initiate an action
      5. consciousness (awareness, cognizance, discerning, see?)
5 hindrances: to the good life / proper meditation.
   1. sensory desire, (satan devil!)
   2. ill-will, (hey, that rhymes! poet and didn't know it)
   3. sloth and torpor, heavy body, dull mind, "dddd" (dragged down into disabling depression),
   4. restlessness and worry (raw!), inability to calm the mind (aka "monkey-mind"),
    5. doubt (lack of conviction or trust) (no doubt, a band) (dow, convict, trustee)
7 factors of awakening: 1. mindfulness, (a full mind?), 2. investigation of reality (IR!), 3. energy, 4. joy / rapture, 5. relaxation, tranquility (body, mind), 6. concentration, clear awareness 7. ara (teshara!) accepting reality as-it-is (equanimity). (enmity of sequins!)
8 (-fold path, noble) no bull, EFP: “right” everything! ("all right", not milk)
      1.  right view (abcd! : "our actions and beliefs have consequences after our death")
      2. right resolve/intention (path of renunciation, enter an environment of non-sensuality, non ill-will, non-cruelty)(res sacharoff, patrick hennessy, nun, eons, crew)(pat and will!) (tent, tension)
       3. right speech (no lying, idle gossip, chatter, slander, abuse, even subtle belittling or barbed wit)
           (eric idle and barb!)
       4.  right conduct/action (no killing or injuring, theft, sex, material desires)
            (kits m.d.)(skit, skittles)
       5. right livelihood (only what is essential for life) (joining a monastic order, joy and mona!)
           promoting life, instead of death: poison peddler, slave trader, prostitute, butcher, brewer, arms dealer, etc. )
       6. right effort (7 factors of awakening!) generating wholesome states (jen's hole)(jen and tate)
           will and exertion, a steady pull, to develop virtues (detatchment, compassion), curb passions
            (will and ted!)
       7.  right mindfulness (no absent mindedness!, always aware of what you're doing)
            awareness of thoughts, feelings, body sensations.  retention of dharma teachings.
        8. right meditation/samadhi/concentration (sam and dhyana) (4 stages of dhyana!)
            "absorption" (sponging the concentrated orange juice?)
             extirpation of delusion (ignorance), craving (attachment, lust, aversion), hostility. (anger,        hatred, rage, wrath, fury, ire, resentment, bitterness, ill-will); meds (medication, meditation), sore abs (!), you can't spell samadhi without m-a-d!  (like funeral has fun)
10 virtues / perfections (paramitas):
     1.generosity, giving of oneself (jen, goo!)(jen and ross!)
     2. virtue, morality, proper conduct (al, chew, more ality, more 49, more buddha, p.c.!)
     3. renunciation (re, again.  nun.  cia.  shun, avoid)
     4. transcendental wisdom, insight (tw: tiger woods, third world, trump's wall; honda model)
     5. energy, diligence, vigor, effort (deve lopment)
     6. patience, tolerance, forbearance, acceptance, endurance (all the ents/ants)
              patrick (hennessy) IS tall.  I've met a Four.  and Oso (bear).
              my cousin in law's dad is named 'Ant'.  ack sept.  end of rant.
     7. truthfulness, honesty (th! the-ology, sith, etc.)
               ("ruth is the truth" -bumper sticker)(I'm with sith, lol)
     8. determination, resolution (nation, solution)
     9. goodwill, friendliness, loving-kindness (elle, kay, g/f)
           friendly friday, virtuous tuesday
     10. equanimity, serenity (eek! one, enmity) (sir wren)
           sirene is a balkan brine cheese; serene, scene, irenic, ironic, siren)
              i've met a serena (yuen) and (michael) wren
24 qualities of ideal buddhist follower/santani (see dharmachakra):
love (compassion? kindness?), courage, patience, peace/charity, magnanimity, goodness, faith, gentleness, selflessness, self control, self sacrifice, truthfulness, righteousness, justice, mercy, gracefulness, humility, loyalty, sympathy, spiritual knowledge, forgiveness, honesty, eternity, hope.
      
bhikku, bhikkuni (monks, nuns)- 36 vows for a novice, 253 for a monk, 364 for a nun
  (theravadin: 227 for monks, 311 for nuns)

kleshas:("cloudy" mental states, that manifest in unwholesome actions)(passions, poisons, defilements, afflictions, unwholesome roots, disturbing/negative emotions): greed, hatred, delusion, conceit, wrong views, doubt, torpor, restlessness, shamelessness, recklessness
    icc: international criminal court; ignorance, craving, clinging
synonyms, related conceptual groupings:
(ignorance, confusion, bewilderment, delusion), (desire, passion, attachment, lust), (anger, hatred, aversion..aha), (pride, arrogance, conceit...pac-man!), (envy, jealousy...nv, jesse L?)
     plus, wrong view, false view, opinionatedness
     "arising from a reification of an imagined self" -Muller (yogacara school of buddhism)

jesse words:
jealousy, JC, jay-zee, genessee  (street in SF), even gypsy (if you're not paying attention), j'suis (french for i am), jiexi (analysis, in chinese), jazzy, see's j, see s.j., jester

nirvana description: having eliminated desire, and accepting reality as-it-is, experiencing blissful egolessness, peace of mind, achieved an end of suffering, freedom from pain, in a timeless state of perfection, in the safe happy and quiet place of the great sages, who are free from sorrows, with the realization that all things and beings are without self, empty, without essence or fundamental nature, and impermanent.

my voice said "Buddhism IS a kind of suicide"
extinguishes ego, id, superego
me, myself, and I
the many me's, and the mini-me!

definition of a psychopomp:
1.in greek mythology, a guide of souls to the place of the dead.
2. the spiritual guide of a living person's soul.
(which still makes sense without belief in souls, or an afterlife)

empty
MT, mom teshara, margaret teshara
empty mind, blank mind, no ideas (e.g. words, images)
vampiric, drunk, blood loss, or alcohol gain
poop, urine, stomach
physically, mostly empty space:
     electrons are "bumps in spacetime" (virtual?)
without essence, without permanence,

w/o "substance" (sub stance? submission?)
    (or submarine, or subway sandwich, for that matter)
weird philosophical term.  i think of the table of chemical elements.

84,000 !!

path to liberation (6): ethics, meditation, wisdom, (k/c to elb/w), devotion, visualization, textual study
be good, quiet your monkey mind, make and learn from (yours AND others') mistakes, make time, imagine, read!
rebirth- born again! Yes? No? (kindness, compassion to world, every living being) (elbow!) (louis ck!)
rebirth (4): heaven, hell (limbo, purgatory);
realms, on earth;
christian born-again;
children, grandchildren, etc. (not exactly “you”, but close!)

positive, negative, neutral labelling noticed, then diminished, and finally extinguished.
Changing mental habits from attachment/aversion to detached, objective, real understanding.
Realization of universal (impermanent, transitory, fleeting, ephemeral, temporary) nature of all
“conditioned” (?) phenomena.
Also, the 3 marks of existence are S.I.N. (suffering, impermanence, no-self) (dukkha, anicca, anatta)
include emptiness and no-self, in addition to dukkha? (dookie -green day, (excrement)
“God is empty, just like me” - zero, by smashing pumpkins
impermanence, dukkha, and no-self? Happy nothingness. Blissfully extinguished. Grateful dead.

5 beliefs of dissent
1. I don't believe life is necessarily suffering. Dukkha comes in different measure, for different folks.
But it's good to know a system to overcome suffering, anyway.
Keeping busy, doing what needs to be done, is the simple answer.
2. I also don't believe death is anything other than complete oblivion, annihilation, and extinction.
In other words, I don't believe in rebirth, or the need to end a cycle of rebirth.
I do believe consciousness can penetrate other minds, telepathy and hive-mind and collective unc.
So maybe I'm wrong. I just don't believe in it (yet?).
3. Also, there is nothing wrong with attachment to hedonistic sense-pleasures.
Life is short, enjoy it while you can, as often and as much as possible.
It doesn't have to get old, if you keep things fresh, and mix it up (experiences)
  1. The belief that nirvana is permanent is itself a delusion. But you can still have a happy death.
       Maybe, though, there IS a state of consciousness, one with ultimate reality, that is
          Illuminated Constant Eternal Bliss, like standing on a mountain top in the cool, clean air. (!)..honestly, though, this strikes me as a line of hopeful hypnosis,  no different than "Jesus sitting at the right hand of the Father"
  2. Enlightenment does not equal omniscience! There will always be ignorance, for everyone.

But I won't throw out the baby with the bathwater!!

enlightenment
bodhi, an ideal state of intellectual and ethical perfection
nirvana, extinguished ego, feeling unified with surroundings
one with the universe, one with everything, one with reality
nothing is fixed or permanent and change is always possible
extinguishing the 3 fires of greed, hatred, and delusion
compassion for all living things, and profound spiritual joy
no attachments, aversion, craving, ignorance, passion, lust
suffering, sadness, pain, unsatisfactoriness, stress, dukkha
desire, thirst, clinging replaced by freedom, liberation, release
equanimity and acceptance, blowing out, extinction
in tune, not subject to change or influence, conviction, resolve
insight, tranquility, goodwill, kindness, compassion, serenity
awake, alert, mindful, discerning, discriminating, perceptive
meditation, contemplation, attention, thought, reflection
stilling, cooling, peace

b-ism, ave hen, he will, buddy H-ism, flame/fire, extinguished/blown out, repeating cycle of blad (birth, life and death), freedom/emancipation/liberation/release, from suffering, ignorance, rebirth
(fler from sir), a feller met a feller in a field of beans, says a fella to a fella can a fella tell a fella what a fella really means? Rebirth of sunfish (sol, sole), HH (his holiness) highest happiness, realiz of emptiness, non-self. Quietude, calm/tranquil, still, quiet (person, place)(mind) attitude/quietude, equanimity, quaalude, wha? Affliction, suffering, sid past mad, causes (sick ill disease pain agony suff torm misery anguish despair) sudden insight/wisdom to transcendent truth, impermanence, dukkha, non-self, emptiness (a “tall glass of water”, neither half empty or half full!, optimist, pessimist, vs. cynic, sin-ick) joke about transcending dental medication.. vampiric substrate, facet of meaning (drunk, empty) (M.T., my mother, margaret teshara, treat all as your mother, birth mother is not my mother, and adoptive mother isn't either, and neither is mother earth, OR all three are!!!, all true, god believes all things, living things, living room, life of your tires, chemical half-lives)

heartache -crete= ha ha
said the cretin, in crete, during the cretaceous

be mine, said the lover to the slave, on valentine's day, who was possessed (b/be/bee/bea)insightful, no?
b-ism, bee-ism: bee mine, honey, sweetheart, tender-hearted (yikes!), busy as a bee, B: butt, breasts
BB body building, butt/breasts, big and bad, bill bryson, bb king, bb gun, bebe (southpark),baby! bay-b, big and beatiful, big and burly
belly of the beast (beast with two backs) (b-east, burma) (reference to jonah in the whale, in bible) JW!
(bob: bob around (barbara anne -beach boys), robert, bobo, fishing) (davis, skinks, dad, CR, grandpa)
CR: camp royaneh (also, consensus-reality, colorado rockies, seer...) (catholic radio, 1260, sat )

xmas tree: compost, erosion barrier, food for goats (JT jesse tree, jesus cross, jess teshara -me!)
everything is old, thought before, nothing new/original (under son): ol' d : disease, dying, death
alternative interpretations (AI) of that old devil (ddd), reviled by “haters”
dis-ease (dukkha),
dyeing (fabric, “colorful”),
d eat h/ de at h: devil eat god, david eldridge at hannibal's deli, “little death” (orgasm)
death=hated (hater=earth), therefore, happiness =accepting (loving?) death. A law. (allah?)
Loving the hated: different, weird, strange, queer, non-conforming, radical, subversive, alternative
one with the universe, united with brahman, eternal rest, thus-gone, extinguished,
like a candle in the wind. Death, thou shalt die. Richard scarry, personification
(angel of death, anne I mull) (anne rice) 78, 6y (sexy?) anne rice, blood fetish

back to buddha, buddhism:
(get behind me, satan) (butt, behind: devil is gay/queer/homosexual/fag?) messages, mess o jizz
anyway, (any which way butt-loose), associations (ass of cia, shuns), ciao, chow. Mess hall. Kith.
kids in the hall, kith and kin, family, fame- I wanna live forever!

I originally intended to just compile all the Buddhist lists, which i see as being how a clean mind should work, but got carried away with associations and connections, which I hope you enjoyed!
(I enjoy the messy process)

buddhist enlightenment is awakened intellect (AI!) as is?  Isai, my name in spanish.
jesse lawrence teshara, 499, buddha 234481, bud9, d4, ha9
   was idi a buddha?  idi amin hardly fits the profile!
   also, 'the buddha' does not equal 'satan' (says J)
499=22=v.   avalokiteshvara, bodhisattva of compassion (teshara +v +avaloki)
ava and loki! (god in norse mythology, a trickster god) (ava  gardner)
nirvana, spiritual release (spear ana, the nerve, lol)
bodhi, supreme knowledge and wisdom, of a buddha
    (the word knowledge evokes "biblical knowing," too)
       ( aside: is god a slut?  he loves everyone.  bisexual?)
maybe a motive for immersion in buddhism,
   for those seeking power, or being #1 (supremacy)
best, highest knowledge is supreme, many have it
(or maybe the few, the proud) (but no! humility is a virtue)


prolife, veg, a combination of buddhist extinguishing of desire, combined with met basic need.
Need, compulsion, desire... preference . Virtuous, enlightened-
Elegant, meticulous, precise. Fearless, brave, courageous. Immaculate, clean, discerning.
Powerful, sane, inquisitive, confident, tranquil, healthy, disciplined, dignified, grounded, solid
good, benevolent, equanimity, gentle, kind, loving, compassionate, merciful, caring (self/others)
authentic, honest, true, genuine; sacred, holy, tender-hearted, awake, aware, generous, beneficial


if equanimity = all good (it doesn't necessarily have to)
not good, bad, or even neutral -unlabelled, just IS. Accepted. Ack, sepsis.
God? (no evil) (not by killing sinners, locking up criminals, superior upbringing, government taking away freedoms, or everyone in one religion, etc.) (but defining everything as JUST IS (not evil) (not good, either). All god's plan, you could say. Love everywhere (everything). Pc, products of conception. Enlightened perspective (who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!) (conscious light!, ha) fire pain … or is it Utterly Sick and Delusional (!) (preferences and aversions, “residue”), nobody home, “simply not there” -american psycho, airhead, blockhead... eminem “feels so empty”, space cadet, mindlessness, “scatterbrained”  Bhikku, bku, be kill yourself?, suicide, on fire, self-immolation, SI, thick duck, selfless no-self A/B, skandhas: heaps of ideas, blog posts, words. (piles of paper)

BUDDHISM=23448914,
5885


or, right brained, Buddy His M
(e.g. man, marcel, monkey...)

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Trump's Wall


the wall
the great wall of china, the berlin wall, pink floyd's album
walls that keep some in, and others out
barriers, that separate and divide and exclude and contain and restrict
a word that sounds like wah plus all.
everyone bawling like a baby...
humpty dumpty sat on a wall !
Trump, well, he just feels threatened
gangsters, the poor, less educated
like a indian caste of undesirables
who will make america worse, again
walls make me think of incarceration, jail, prisons
locked in, staring at, less freedom
america, the land of the free.
And the wall would cost how much?
That's not free, either.
Paid by blood, sweat, and tears of american taxpayers.
For a stupid idea that can be climbed over, tunneled under, or torn down.
And should be, in my view.
We already have wall street, walgreens, and walmart!
Really? An alienating, estranging, isolating, looming, intimidating wall?
Mr. President, tear down that wall.
The wall in your heart
that thinks you're superior,
that thinks mexicans are worse than canadians,
that believes immigrants don't benefit the countries they enter,
that doesn't see that americans were all immigrants once,
and that won't see the iron logic behind
spending less on walls
and more on developing the countries immigrants flee
so that they can buy our products,
if not create more heavenly places for americans to visit, travel to, be tourists in, and enjoy,
without prejudice or hindrance or hate,
because America is and will always be great,
in a world that works cooperatively to lift each other up!
In fact, walls are ugly blights, and contrary to our ideals, and
if you want to check illegal immigration,
we can offer asylum and refugee status for the truly in need,
-while keeping criminals and terrorists out-
with more effective, and less expensive, ways to do that,
(instead of 1900 miles of a 30 foot tall monstrosity)
such as: more border patrol agents, with dogs, and technology
that can monitor the zone, or access fingerprint/record databases,
and... creative barrier ideas that increase interaction/wealth
such as a musical xylophone wall (!), or
a wall built in such a way as to allow volleyball,
or restaurant/food cart interaction.. (you get the picture)
Really, we don't want to build some permanent structure.
Because we want a future where eventually, any wall will come down,
RIGHT??

on the other hand, we like the walls of our homes,
and many hopeful immigrants die, attempting to cross the desert, etc.
but we're under no obligation to save them from themselves...
personally, i think the whole entire earth shouldn't have borders!
different laws for different nations, sure, I guess-
but free mobility of people, products, money, and
    well: pollution, water, disease, plants/animals, etc. too
I admit I'm not fully informed-
I just don't like borders.  I prefer freedom.  that's just me.

In conclusion, RITA!
(respect, acceptance, tolerance, inclusion)
WAR, too.  (welcome, acceptance, respect)

God Poem


god is a concept, a role, and maybe even a status
if there is a set of criteria for such a thing
maybe like a videogame level
or a chess master, or kung fu master
once on top, can you stay there?
Maybe god is a committee!
Or a rotating position
or nun of the above
nothing at all
non-existent
just a word
virtual
or me
or you
if you're good
or love: the two of you
a you-niverse unto itself

Thursday, December 27, 2018

A Dream

I had a lucid dream

of a woman calling me A Buddha
I laughed
Buddha means 'awake' (!)
I don't know how many laughs
   (would that be the definition of 'clear' to a scientologist?)
anyway, I thought of a number of responses

Am I laughing because I am Buddha or because I am Not-Buddha?
I don't actually know!
Are we all Buddha, already?
Does it depend on the definition of Buddha?
There are 4 options: I am Buddha, I am not Buddha, I am both, I am neither.
I AM a buddy, ha.
Is Buddha merely a role? like God?
Is anyone who is awake a Buddha, just as anyone christened with oil is Christ?
I am my body.  My body is always changing.
Buddha is a name, a title.  I am Jesse.  I am not Jesse.
I am not a word.  You can call me whatever you want!
I don't believe in souls.  And I do believe in the(buddhist) doctrine of no-self.
A Buddha is not a Buddha?
Furthermore, "if you meet a buddha, kill him" -attributed to zen master Lin Ji

You can pronounce Buddha as:
Boo'd, uh  (boo-dism)
Budd huh (bud-ism)
bood uh (rhymes with good, uh)

Teshara - to share uh
to share regression analysis
a quote, "a regression is a statistical procedure hat takes raw historical data and estimates how various causal factors influence a single variable of interest.  In internet dating services, for example, the variable of interest is how compatible a couple is likely to be.  And the causal factors are 29 emotional, social, and cognitive attributes of each person in the couple."

Wouldn't you like to know what those 29 attributes are?

the goal: 
enlightenment
bodhi, an ideal state of intellectual and ethical perfection
nirvana, extinguished ego, feeling unified with surroundings
one with the universe, one with everything, one with reality
nothing is fixed or permanent and change is always possible
extinguishing the 3 fires of greed, hatred, and delusion
compassion for all living things, and profound spiritual joy
no attachments, aversion, craving, ignorance, passion
suffering, sadness, pain, unsatisfactoriness, dukkha
desire, thirst, clinging replaced by freedom, liberation, release
equanimity and acceptance, blowing out, extinction
in tune, not subject to change or influence, conviction, resolve
insight, tranquility, goodwill, kindness, compassion
awake, alert, mindful, discerning, discriminating, perceptive
meditation, contemplation, authenticity
stilling, cooling, peace

Why I am not Buddha:

5 beliefs of dissent with Buddhism:
1. I don't believe life is necessarily suffering. Dukkha comes in different measure, for different folks.
But it's good to know a system to overcome suffering, anyway.

2. I also don't believe death is anything other than complete oblivion, annihilation, and extinction.
In other words, I don't believe in rebirth, or the need to end a cycle of rebirth.
I do believe consciousness can penetrate other minds, telepathy and hive-mind and collective unc.
So maybe I'm wrong. I just don't believe in it (yet?).

3. Also, there is nothing wrong with attachment to hedonistic sense-pleasures.
Life is short, enjoy it while you can, as often and as much as possible.
It doesn't have to get old, if you keep things fresh, and mix it up (experiences)

4. The belief that nirvana is permanent is itself a delusion. But you can still have a happy death.

5. Enlightenment does not equal omniscience! There will always be ignorance, for everyone.


Tuesday, December 25, 2018

all good

good deeds, dirty deeds

satan, mephistopheles, antichrist, lucifer, beelzebub, evil, devil, jinn, eblis, azazel, ahriman, mara
vs.
happiness, fun, games, toys, play, joy, bliss, cheer, optimism, positivity, gratitude, respect, comedy, humor, satire, jokes, standup, laughter

virtue, vice
I AM
ahura mazda
angra mainyu
   (Zoroastrianism)

one with the universe, all-1
equanimity, acceptance (Buddhism)

bhagavan=bhagwan
both mean "blessed or fortunate one" (Hinduism)

Creator, Destroyer, Preserver

HH
his holiness, holy hill, happy hall, heaven/hell, hi/hello, him/her, happy and healthy, crazy 88's, happy holidays!  

HL
(heil, hell) hannibal lecter, hatred love, high/low, harvard knight, hospital 'ell

PP
progress toward perfection

jiexi means 'analysis'
which doesn't mean anal and sis

stoopid


It gets more ridiculous the longer it gets
the more serious I take myself, the more comical I become
laughed at, mocked, ridiculed
all good
laughter is ugh later. Because I'm right.

right is grit H (teeth without teet)
i'm left too. Ka-pow!
The left hand path, satanism
nonsense, nun sense, no incense
anyway,

right doesn't mean anything
left doesn't mean anything
mean doesn't mean anything
any thing doesn't mean anything

right means not left, left means not right
handedness, politics, dexterity and sinister, correct vs. lying
righteous vs. lefty liberal baby-killers. Left? Goodbye.
whatever
whatever's clever

meat is delicious
childbirth is painful
some prisoners deserve death
war is sometimes necessary
murder can be fun
vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord
god is a man of war
hatred is human
suffering is universal
i'm full of shit (literally)

meat is the result of vast suffering
childbirth, and adoption, is preferable to abortion
life imprisonment is a better punishment, better justice
war is never the answer
murder is evil
compassion, kindness trump vengeance
god doesn't exist, but love does
hatred will cool, my love for you is real
there is an end to suffering
i'm fresh out of shit

I don't care what you do.
Believe whatever you want.
Do what's right.
Every rule has an exception.

Sacred Holy Divinity

God's Loving Theology

here's the Virtue, that gets rewarded, for all the good little boys and girls!

Loved, loving, in love
from love, toward love
think/say/do/be love

friendship, family, community
of good cheer

thoughts, dreams, wishes, hoping, praying
God is not a genie, but The Secret says...
Reality, or the Universe, or Santa, or a Higher Power...
instantiates, or actualizes, or something

more virtues

goodness, faith, hope, love
sex, intimacy, touch, massage
pleasure, satisfaction, contentment, bliss, ecstasy
benevolence, grace, mercy, compassion, forgiveness
knowledge, wisdom, understanding
peace, security, safety, charity
kindness, joy, truth
strong, fit, healthy, well, sane
blessed, breath, alive!, experience
altruism, caring, concern
sympathy, empathy
fun!

Ho Ho Ho


Merry Christmas! Jolly morn!

While walking the dog-
I saw Santa driving a Mercedes, this morning.
Also, a car with the license plate Gezzzus.
And I heard a child scream, inside a house.
I heard a homeless woman playing a loud song in her car, "this girl's on fire".
I thought about Santa as an anagram for Satan, giving gifts through a “fire place.”
    The one day the fires aren't lit in the fireplace...
    he gets to escape hell, he repents by giving everyone gifts!
Gifts are regalos, in spanish. Al Gore! Presents, galore.
Algo means something. Algo-rhythm. A sick muse.
I also thought of “machine-elves,” living in our minds,
if you're high on dmt, I've read (but not actually experienced)

anyway,
I'm celebrating with family tomorrow.
I got everyone baklava and kind bars.
and toys (slinkys, a toy truck, radio)

Monday, December 24, 2018

A Law

Good morning, Berkeleyans!

hi
My name is Jesse. Jesse, like Jesse Jackson, James, Owens, Helms, Ventura.
Or the Christina Applegate sitcom of that name that ran on - from x to y.
Or Uncle Jesse, from either Dukes of Hazard, or Full House.
I am, in fact, an uncle. My brother Greg has 2 kids, Ben and Declan, x and y.
I'm also uncle jesse to Augustus, my friends Sara and Pierre's young boy.
They live in Portland. I might leave Berkeley, and go live with them. Cheaper rent.
My family lives in the Bay Area, though. And I like Berkeley. My roommates are mostly mexican.
I speak Spanish. My name in Spanish is Isai, or Chuy, or Jesus.
You can call me Jesus. I don't mind. Or, Zeus, for short.
I don't take the lord's name in vain, I hope. He seemed to do alright with mine.

My full name is Jesse Lawrence Teshara. My dad's name is Lawrence.
He goes by Mr. T, like his dad did, way before the A-Team was around.
Lawrence is spelled with 'law' and 'wren' in it. I guess you could call me Larry, too.
Teshara is a portuguese name. Some people think it's japanese. Maybe it is. It used to be Texeira, but the spelling was changed at Ellis Island, when z, my great-grandfather came over from Europe. Texeira is a common name there, I'm told. Teshara is an anagram for The Sara, and also As Earth, As Heart, As Hater, take your pick. Shat ear is one of the crazier ones. Makes me think of iron mike.

A jess is a falconry term: it's the strap around the bird's leg. Jessamine is jasmine.
So you can play with my name and come up with things like
Zeus Law as Earth, or Jesus, Larry shat ear, or Jess lore the Sara
or chewy ear law, or See S.J. wren as heart, or JC's law to share
or even, Jesus as hater. I jest! Hey, Zeus - lore int share, huh

I find this kind of thing fun, and you can do it with your own name, too.
There are anagram generators on the web, that can list thousands of permutations.
Names have a kind of power, but you can always change them.

Anyway, I'm not just Jesus and Zeus and Ra, the egyptian sun god I'm a law!
Law-rinse... maybe I should rinse my mouth. Isa is Jesus in arabic.
Jesse L can become jealousy. I'm sharing this with you (I'm to share). To Cher!

I'm adopted. PT is my mom. Riddle is my birthmom (a net!). Be rid of this dullness!
How many times is the word God used in the bible? (candle: can dull)

God is I AM. In french, J' suis (Jesse). J' taime (JT I am!)
I dated an Ellen (Covington) French in college. Lots of coveting.
Happy Noel. No elle. Go figure.
I'm JC (jesse). I've known LN, and KT, and written many SA's (essays), ha.
my name in chinese means something, too (i forget)

Merry Christmas, every One!
(god is one. money- my one!)
god is love. Jesus is the prince of peace. God is a man of war.
Another riddle. Batman's atman?  mow the lawn, pop?
Allah, a law; Teshara, to shariah!

Sunday, December 23, 2018

tis the season

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas
Happy New Years
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Kwanzaa
Feliz Navidad
Happy Birthday!
happy solstice, and leonid meteor showers, and full moon

oh happy day
silent night
o holy night
    (that's what Halloween means!)

to be jolly
more suicides? (no, actually.  misconception.  spring has the most)
more death, i think (more elderly folk die in winter)
it's a cold, cold world
walkin' in a winter wonderland (www!)

today was a good day, for me.
i repaired the flat tire on my bike, bought bread for xmas potluck (couldn't find hawaiian rolls at berkeley bowl), took a shower, paid my January rent, listened to music, ate a burrito (with a snapple), did some paperwork, walked the dog, cleared my email, let the pets into the yard for like an hour, got over a hundred page views on my blog, took a nap, and watched some Ridiculousness (on youtube).

Busy, busy!

Saturday, December 22, 2018

barking mad dogma

what up, dawg?

a doge is the chief magistrate of venice or genoa
top-dog!, derived from dux, latin for leader

(dogma is not etymologically related to dogs)
(just like jewelery has nothing to do with judaism/jewry)

today, 12/22, is the date the Dominican order was sanctioned by Pope Honorius III (in 1216).
my mom's sister is a Dominican,  in the Order of Preachers
(apparently there's a difference between nuns and sisters?)

St. Dominic Of Guzman (D.O.G.) is often portrayed with a dog
I've been to the church of st. dominic of guzman, in Oaxaca, Mexico
the story behind this association is that

https://mervinop.wordpress.com/2016/08/13/the-myth-about-domini-canis/

so there's more to the story than just a pun of domini-canis.
hounds of the lord, watchdogs of the lord
preaching is "barking" (!!)
(this can be interpreted as preaching being just noise)
    this itself can be considered "bad noise"
which I got from the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

woof! ruff! yip! (all true, lol)
bow wow

o.p. (order of preachers) reminds me of 'stop' signs
the st could stand for saint

dog is of course god, backwards
yhwh is H, why? backwards
devil is lived, backwards
evolution is no it u love, bacwards

"man's best friend" (-King Frederic of Prussia, 1789)
all dogs go to heaven (another good quote/meme)
       woman's best friend, too?

bark is of course the outer layer of a tree
jesus was a carpenter, nailed to a tree
jesus shrivelled a fig tree;
the jesse tree (genealogy of jesus)
the trees of knowledge, life
fruit of the womb
and, of course, Xmas trees! (plus wreaths and mistletoe)
boughs (bow wow!) , priests bow :-)

plus,
bark=bar plus ark (wine miracle, eucharist, and Noah)
DR (doctor? healing?) -Dominican Republic
ru serious? Sirius, the dog star
put that on your Christmas tree-top!
a partridge in a pear tree

The present is a present!
Presence, under the tree, :-)

Thursday, December 20, 2018

What's Up, Doc


A rap

Whadup, peeples? Why, steeples!
What else is up? Stars and sky, clouds and moon, we'll get there soon
What's down, clown? Why, The center of the earth
what's the knowledge worth? Why, your baby's birth!
The sky! The opposite of down!
on this big blue marble, we're all underground
and will be, wear a trilby, you feel me?
What do I mean? What is this scene?
The north pole is under the south pole, if you keep going
if you're going through hell, keep going
it's showing, keep rowing
the earth is brown, earth is a noun
down town, up town, same old sound
watch is wound, lost and found
round and round, new day, new year
rotate and revolve, mysteries to solve
have a beer, eat a steer
good cheer, never fear
hear! Hear! We're here, very near
Britney spears, in your ear
run like a deer, from the hunter and his gear
ride in my lear, without peer
refrain from smear, that's the spir-it
let's hear if! For the meerkat, and all that
a kitkat, a tictac, bric a brac, frick and frack
a fraction of the friction makes for good diction
who won the eliction?