What is a real Christian?

Good question!   

A follower of Christ?  Or.. baptized?   Or just a good person? Maybe someone named Christian?  Anyone who identifies as such, no matter who?   Someone in a personal relationship with Jesus who publicly accepts Jesus Christ as their lord and savior? 

1.Some Christians are into prosperity, while others think it is harder to enter the kingdom of heaven if you are rich than to pass through the eye of a needle (or something - is there a camel involved?).

2. Jesus is Heyzeus.  Christ is short for Christopher.  Christopher Jesse.   ChrisJess.   Zeus Topher.  Words.   A word game.  Whatever.   Anything to anybody.  Christine and Ian.

3. They will know we are Christians by our love.   Anyone who loves, in love.   Devotion and delight.  God is love.  Love is agape, philia, eros.  Affection, intimacy, sex, respect…. Yada yada.  Xoxo.

4. There’s a vampire named Christian.  Maybe he feeds on Antichrists.  Who the fuck knows.   (I’m talking about a guy in the vampire subculture, in a book about it I read).   Presumably he drinks real blood.    Of course, Christians drink the blood of Christ (wine or grape juice).   There’s discussion about what’s a real vampire, too.  

Prayer

I used to think prayer aloud was a way of getting into people's heads, or dominance, or performance.   Now I think of it as a way to be more serious and solemn than conversation, and relate your values and morals and desires to those around you.   Thought, meditation, conversation, prayer, writing - it's all kind of the same thing (to me).  It's mind-maintenance, a method of purity, the light of the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...   Putting it out into the universe.  Talking to yourself, God to God.   Communication with the divine.   It can make you feel good, and empowered, and heard, and not alone, and hopeful.   Demons pray for prey.   Predators pray for prey.  It's a rare prayer, but bloody good?  'Sed' is thirst, in spanish (acronym for Sin, Evil, Depravity).  No one has to pray, in my book.   God, if He exists, knows it all (already).  And privacy as a constitutional right is an absolute farce.   There are telepaths in your head that can hear your every thought, and God is the Big Kahuna of telepaths, who hears everything.  Maybe God in heaven is a computer in the system, these days, but call it whatever you want - you are heard, not alone, and nothing is private or secret, because God is omniscient, and every hair on your head is counted, every thought noted, and every action a part of greater awareness, Higher Mind, like Santa knowing who's naughty or nice.  I call myself God, but I am not hyper-aware like that, if indeed anyone really is, in fact.   What is real and what is hypnosis?

Who is Jesus?

He's dead.   He may have survived the crucifixion, but he ain't alive now.   They found his coffin (maybe).  He lives on, in his words and ideas and people ("body of Christ").  Jesus doesn't love you.  He loved you.  Christians love you, maybe.  Hopefully.   I mean, they say They will know we are Christians by our love.  Sometimes people say one thing, and mean another.  No one knows who Jesus was, really.  He lived 2000 years ago.  People say a lot of contradictory stuff.  A magician, of course.   You can't walk on water (unless it's ice).  He shriveled a fig tree?  Whatever.  I have a bridge to sell you.  Don't let the right hand know what the left is doing?  Weird.   I am not an octopus.  I am a walrus, lol.  Turn the other cheek?  Well, if they're shooting at you, shoot back, don't sacrifice yourself!  3:16?  so that you can have eternal life?  Well, quality matters as much as quantity!! An eternity of hell isn't much of a reward for believing in Jesus.    People can be good without being Christians.  If there IS a heaven, you don't have to believe in it to go there.  Jesus loves me, this I know?   No.  Dust loves me?   Well, okay, why not.   I don't have much of a fulfilling relationship with dust, I have to say.  Cigarettes to ashes, and Dustin to dust.  I like Dustin.   Not sure about Justin.   I could just say I like everyone, in some theoretical, philosophical sense.   But honestly, practically, I probably don't.  Sometimes I think I hate everyone.  But it's not that bad.  People are people.  There is goodness in everyone.   But it's hard to be kind, sometimes.

The 2 thing

Apathy and disenchantment vs. love and passion.    Incurious vs. engaged.    Alive! vs. zombie.  It takes 2 to tango.   One is the loneliest number.  2 kids, for replacement.  Cum again?  

(Jesus, time, hey, beast, jew, it, no, ow, cross, shit, kind, death...) (numerology)

   Adam and Eve, good and bad, love and hate, synonyms and antonyms, words and ideas, light and darkness, male and female, brother and sister, attraction and repulsion, knowledge and ignorance, elation and depression, joy and sadness, celebration and grief, misery and bliss, pleasure and pain, comfort and discomfort, wealth and poverty, virtue and vice, crime and sin, heaven and hell, love and marriage, hate and revenge, being and nothingness, to be or not to be, hungry and thirsty, food and drink, piss and shit, beginning and end, start and finish, alpha and omega, empathy and schadenfreude, sane or mentally ill, sick or well, right and left, up and down, front and back, awake and asleep, yada yada, etc. etc.  (pairs)

Don't say Happy Christmas or Merry New Year!   Gasp!  Think outside the box?  Who the hell does their thinking in boxes?!!!???!  Jack in the box?   What the hell does THAT mean??  A cow named Jack?  You are what you eat...   I am the love child of a Burger King and a Dairy Queen?  I am food.  I eat nuts, and I eat fruit, but I'm neither (oh, bother).   Eating vegetables does not a vegetable make.  Am I dead meat?  Holy cow.  I'm a pig.   Oink.  I think I'm turning Japanese.  I really think so.   So, a needle pulling thread.  Are you there, God?   It's me, Jesse.  (Margaret is my mom's name), (are you there/their god?  I AM. they are, they're).    Are you the air, god?   Air god and air guitar and air jordan, blowing over the face of the deep...