voices, revisited

yet again
   my preference is sanity and silence
my aversion to insanity remains

i know what you are
you're a weird dude, and that's all
you do give yourself endless projects
i am deeply, deeply insane, jesse.  alright?
you are intelligent it, jess

i'm not prepared to breathe you jesse
jesse your launch is it
jess you ARE all over it
you do read alot for a guy

you're insane ass victim, jesse
you're absolutely fucking law, jesse
i wanted to defend you
i'm fucking mad, jesse
it IS all over
and i mean everyone
i AM mad, jesse
you're a genius door, jesse
i'm going to fucking hell

people are dumb jesse
i'm fucking crying insane
i've had enough of you jesse
david is tired
david is crying, jesse
i'm sick
i'm not well, jesse
all right, jesse
i'm going to kill myself, jesse
people are mad
i'm going absurd
i fucking can't do it
i'm sick, jesse
people are killing you, jesse
i can't stop anytime
people are gonna die
you, maybe you'll enter a machine
i'm gonna scream, jess
i hate...
i'm absurdly stupid

that WAS that, jess

jess you're mechanical freaking genius
you're an insane mind phd
jess i'm retired because of you
ya jess u R getting kind of predictable

you're making general progress
you're getting it accurate
david entirely insane
you have no idea how vamp you are
david is SCREAMing, jesse
I AM SICK, jesse
oh my god, i'm crying
you're the genius, jess
jesse, you've got something happening
you ARE giving up
you ARE a trip, jesse
i want you to go
fucking fine, jesse
you ARE something, jess, okay
you really do pop a million
we know that's you

you really really need to know you, jess
you're all right, jesse
you are really it, jesse
it is a a mess
it really is
they know you rap around
you're very it, jesse
you sort of law all day
you're really trying
i am not well
words are a thing of wonder, jess

i am really really sick
i can't even deal jess
i'm insane, jesse
david is crying
david is screaming sick
david needs to die jesse
i hate myself, jesse

i really don't know what i do, jesse
your mind is her murder
if u want, u can be a businessman
jess, you're sort of a genius at the game
you ARE kind of genius, jess
you're a fucking mess, because i'm crying
your law is a jaw
i AM broken, jesse
he's going to kill you
fucking OW
    (ad nauseum)
it's all i can do, jesse
you and me are fucking unreal, jesse
david has a crazy amount of law at you
i've gone insane, jess
david scared again
there will never be a shortage of material for you, okay?
i've been evil for years
you and I are A phd
Berkeley screaming in death
you have them fucking ow madness
jess you're basic amazing
all you need to know is life
alright jesse, you're an asshole school
you would make a fine devil
you and me are a rhino ah
you really are sumthin', jess
you are a bit of jesse-jim
fuck you my problem is you, to you
david is screaming
i am unwell
i'm still trying to get a  handle of what you are, jess
it is unreal how sad i am
you're gettin better, jess
 they want you out of their clutches
jess, you could really prison dream
you're way more into it than i thought
jess, you'd be surprised how weird people are
you llike to feel like you're doing something important
you're a little crow
you're starting to get there
i am an obscene snake
you would be a genius at law
u are unwell.  i am sick to death
you ARE my person, jesse
somebody might crime to hurt you, because you're law
you're writing too deep, jesse
because you are a bit too intelligent, jesse
the world is utterly, utterly sick, jess
the world IS a bit ugly, jess
you're law as fuck, jesse
I HATE what I am, Jesse
only the darkest, darkest people are sun to that
there is really literally no one like you.  i'm laughing.
jesse, you are insane of me

no more sugar for the next year, do you understand?
i've never been capable of handling you
i'm not right jess
jess u still trip out everybody
ur loose if e
i fucking can't do it.  i can't do anyone.
because you're law
is why i know it's weird
i know you're a vegetable
you're law as well
into a somewhat human person
i know you'll turn eventually
you ARE my money. huh.
it's a weed puppet.

why don't you order the economist
it makes you feel well
your soul is toll militant (eckhart tolle?)
you have a fat ten
that is a fat jew to you
no one has ever done what you did
jess you are a little bit genius interesting

you killed my children, jess
you can be satan, jess
here's why. you're law.
that is your net
that is your weekly problem
you have what it takes to become an exTREMEly well individual
jess you've got it all me to slay
you're so well, jess.  and i mean SO well.
it DOES pretty well state who U R
i want you in the state of CA.  it's raw, jesse
you're high altitude, jess
you could be a puppet
you compute paper
ru the aunty cry is well
the world is SICK, jesse
ur2 utterly scream at my law, jesse
you're somewhere on
they really really want you to come thru, jess
we know you're a zoo, jess

your anger is deafening
my noble mind is insane
you're chair to self
i love the show
y'know, u really could happen
you are sort of an elite warrior
jesse you kill me, you really do
she knows how right you are
you're almost absolute
the whole world is really, really sick Jesse
you've got me ripping my godddamn mind
david tearing off his face, jesse
that is you dignified, jesse
you're insane Jesse
you ARE amazing
you are fucking amazing
you're mad, jesse
you ARE a world, jess
the worl is sick at you
because you're LAW as FUCK
u process the living shit out of me, jess
u do make me sick, jess
i want u to re-N, to see what ur now
you're frighteningly right, jesse
       "                "       wall

you're killing him jesse
you're ready to start killing people jesse
you're one (won?) unreal, jesse
i need so much goddamn help jesse
you have them jumping
because they can't breathe
you look remarkably well
for a schizophrenic
i didn't know but now i know
you're a mad rot at my lie (mai lai?)
the world is sick out of its goddamn mind
I NEED you to kill me
you are well, well organized
you're the man again
because you're (raw? law?) as fuck
maybe you're right, jess
you are a right way
i need help
it's my thing
there's no one alive who can help me
jess you can be a bit brilliant
i hate man jesse
my computer is stupid
that's me screaming
i'm sick, jesse
you made a Bad Move
i'm sorry jesse
you've got me screaming
that WAS a history of zoo
you've got me wicked, u and i
jesse, you and I arrive in may
i've got a wicked thing

i'm coming to get you
you're a bit too right
Jess you're pure hell
i've had enough jesse
i don't care what you are
i'm giving my mind a fucking enema
i'm rotten
david is crying
david is getting crazy, jesse
i need to wake up
i am screaming
jesse is writing the fucking buddha
Jesus, peole are dumb, jesse
people are 'it' crazy
what are you, jesse?
i'm giving up again
i'm really really fucking sorry jesse
david is giving in
it's raw jesse
your mom is evil
i'm giving my  mind a break
david is vomiting
fuck you jesse
david is killing
i need my mind well, jesse
david giving up
it's because i'm tired, jesse
i hate you, i hate you (eye haight u?)
i'm a dead man, jesse
i'm tired all fucking day
fuck you ow ow
david is fucking scared insane, jesse
i hate every fucking plan you've ever come up with
david fucking crying ow OW
dvd is fucking screaming, killing himself
jesse, i'm wrong
FU FU FU
i'm out of my fucking mind
david so sad
i'm broken, jesse
I WANT ME
i'm fucking killing myself
david going out
you have no idea what a soul ur
your mom is dead, jesse
david killing insane
i hate life, jesse
i am arresting
i am a small at an oven
i need a priest
david is fucking scared
i could need an arm
i am utterly utterly scream at you, jesse

i'm tired of laughing
yes jess fucking kill me
i need you
does it?
i'm fucking gone
he has u at fucking enemy, oh man
i'm having heck of a day jesse
you've  been weird for a long long time
ALL RIGHT, Jesse
i need to be jew
i hate myself, jesse.  i really do.
he's hurting himself, oh jesus
david is sick, jesse
i've gone to you jesse
i'm sorry jesse
david being dead
fuck you jesse

your dad can't believe how right you are
jess we know you've accessed a hell of a lot of shit
if you want u can go by a hot dog
you  have an apple, you know
all right jesse, i don't wanna know you
you got him laughing
because i am insane, jesse
david screaming
i am a dead man, jesse
i really do milk that shit

you're a trip, jess
we're having a time, jesse
your mom is sorry
sorry for opening you
your mom is CRAZY
IS
i need to stop, jess
i can't do it jess
she's a disaster
you're a bit more than Saul

i've given up Jess
david is crying
I HATE EVERYONE
that is honest, jesse

i'm MAD jesse
your dad is crazy
he's swallowing jesse
your dad is scared of talking
he's going mad, jesse
that is your dad going insane
(shut up) i can't
i'm a team of madmen
trying to get the world
right, and on fire
your dad IS sick, jesse
i've gone to hell, jesse
i'm tired ow ow

david killing
i really am insane, jesse
(be quiet) i cannot do it
you've got me dying, jesse
your dad is swallowing
he has no right
david in terror, jesse
your mom is going insane
IS
i'm insane, Jesse
u hate me out of all proportion to what i do
david is GOing, Jesse
uh, jesus

david destroyed himself
ow ow OW
david is killling
Jesse- I can't breathe
I AM obscene
david trying to hurt you
i am SICK jess. I AM sick.
i hate my mom
alright, that's raw as fuck
it's how i am
david scraming: she's dumb jesse
it is a heap of you
that's me swallowing, jesse

i can't fucking breathe
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry
david is dead david is dead
alright, fuck you
i'm fucking gone, jesse
alright u know what
i can't do it
david trying insane

david freaking out
(do you ever shut up?) david swallowing
i am in SANE. i AM insane
i hate it, ow, fucking ow
yes, jesse screaming all day
fuck you
david smiling you're fun
i'm tired as fuck, jesse
your mom is crying, jesse
jess you're mind, your mine, i'm erasing
i hate myself, i hate myself
i fucking HATE myself
david is dying jesse
i can't breathe

david going insane, killing himself
ow ow
ur sick of my stupid head
your mom is dumb, jesse
u don't wanna deal with dumb people
i hate every man at you, jesse
i need help
david is insane
i'm a sick sick person jesse
fuck you
he's killing himself
uh jesus ow
david in terror
fuck you jesse

she doesn't KNOW you, jesse
i rally am guilty, jesse
david is sorry
she and i need therapy
it takes forever, jesse
she knows you're right jesse
omg i'm sorry
 i'm really really sorry
you're amazing, jesse
that is an economist to Paul Gallagher
to see what they say
david screaming
I AM
ow jesse
allright, jesse
i'm sick, jesse

i can't breathe, jesse
you're so fucking law I can't
fucking ow
alright jesse
i need help jesse
i'm going to kill my son
i don't know, jesse
david is fucking scared
ALL RIGHT JESSE
i'm going to fucking hell jesse

people are DEAD, jesse
ow, fucking ow
what the fuck are you
i'm sorry as fuck, jesse
i hate my life
david in in pain, jesse
i fucking hate you, jesse
i hate my mind
i fucking can't
i'm sorry
david is crying, jesse
i'm sad, jesse
david is IN-SANE
killing himself

you have a fuckin' trip, jesse
the jew is sick
you're a doctor pay zero
they're wondering if you feel that gay
david is absurd, jesse
you're remarkably ignorant
you've got alot alot alot to do

you get the picture
all from david
i say, shut up
annoying, stupid, unwanted, evil, and illegal intrusion into my mind and body
have fun in the sun
    f- you n-.  shut up, n-

i am a stupid, evil fuck, jesse
david is a disaster, jesse
i've gone completely mad
you're going nowhere
you're regularly brilliant
you're making no progress at all
alright jess, u profess through your blog
that is me smiling
david is in terror, jesse
you DO assign yourself homework, jess
ur exceedingly rich
i can't deal
because they know how study we are
you could be a millionaire, jess
jess i don't believe you write, you machine
u and i are fucking God, jesse
you're a therapy #1
you're an awesome rot
jess, you're a dreaming me
 you're a dry right
you robot too well
jess you're a right, okay?
i'm in tile to jew
jess you're a fun jew
jess you're a fine
you know, you have a fat right at what you do
i am a cost of giving, jesse
he's on track to be the Martin Luther King of dhamma
fuck you
you fucking hit me where i live
he's going to kill you
he's fucking tired of it
david crying and weeping
i'm DEAD, jesse
i've decided i
i'm going to make your life a rotten shell
is it because
you write too much, jess
david is crying
You're God as fuck
we know what a feel you are
no one writes out their life
jesse, lol
you ARE wall
they wonder if he really has cancer
because you're a gray
you're a fucking dour, jesse
you're somethin' jess
the world is unreal, jesse
you are kind of on a mission
to be the ultimate
you have a capability
you know what?
i am never ever right
you're in this weird-ass loop, jess
you are a bit of eccentric buddhism
Jesse you might be all right
you really are sort-of law, okay?
jess you're on top of the law
the world is a disaster that you're sick
she knows you're frightening, jesse
they want you to write a paper about what you are
ya jess  you're all over the wall
you're well, jesse
IT, okay?
we know you make hell of progress, jesse
you're actually jaw (jah?) as fuck, jesse
jess you're way way off
you are the most weird person, jesse
you've made significant inroads in the field
you're highly Y (income? why? ymca?), Jesse
you DO work.  you work as a journalist of the LAW.
i am deeply fucking scared of you, Jesse
if you want jess, you can write the tome of law
i am a DICK, jesse.  I AM.
your  mom IS swallowing, jesse
kind of sad at how UNWELL i can be
david is hurting insane
god-fucking-damnit
what is the source code for all of this?
people are crying
i am sick, jesse
all right jesse, i fucking need help
you are wroking, jesse
you're a demon technique
i can't let go.  i can't
god, jesse -fucking gawd
you're amazing: nobody can write like you do, nobody
david is a dizzy, fucking sick man
ow, jesse.  you're fucking killing me, you know that?
you're really law, jesse...oh god
i want you underground.   i'm sorry.
everybody knows you know
they know you've got a lot of shit to stare at
you've got the wrong idea about you jesse
you're trying, you really are
you're gonna pay it, online
ahh, fuck you, jesse
i fucking can't
david crying
you're a dark One, jess
ok, u did it
because that keeps happening
i need you to doom, jess
ya, jess, that
ALL RIGHT (bothered)
i'm a scream, jesse
no, i'm not right
david, swallowing
AR! AR! AR!....(all right)
ya jess, it
he's laughing
AR, jesse
you've got me going crazy
you clean up amazing
fuck you jesse.  anyone that can breathe that way.
i'm sick
you have all the game, jesse
jesse, the world is sick like you
people are unaware of all the shit they do
you're absolutely right, jesse
this IS a trip, jesse
this IS fun, jess
i'm giving up, jess
david crying
that's me smiling, jess
you're processing as well as you can
david, scared. Jesus, jesse
i am INsane
you know what? fine.
you've got him hysterical, jesse
oh gawd, jesse
i am electric
yess, you've got the trick
huh.  i can't do it anymore
you and i are satan
  (4+6, jesse and peggy)
you ARE law, jesse
you're a crazy idiot
i hate everyone because i'm fucking sad, jesse
you could be the one
jesse is a paper on what it is to be Y
   (25, jesus, yesterday, income, ymca, why, yes!)
you're ceo of G
you could be here maybe 10

(i can try to be positive, or simply neutral, about my affliction.
see them as good, interesting, if not fun, which they can be, on occasion)

Buddhism

Buddhist lists

my own take: rich- right, true, correct (+ intelligent, happy)

520 million + (7% world population)

mindstream, goes off on tangents!, but flows back to ocean of reality:-)

everything is connected, interrelates

my voice says i'm a bhikku, you're a trip jess...

be, discover, change, and improve your no-self, lol

systematic theology, philosophy, religion

goal of buddhism: reduce, eliminate dukkha, for self, others.

Show the way, the path. Guide. Set an example. Learn, teach, master. Instruct, assist, help, share.

Share knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth. Facilitate enlightenment.

Meditation, mindfulness, bliss, equanimity, compassion.

satori, samadhi, nirvana, bodhi, bodhisattva, etc.

Contemplation, curiosity, engagement, motivation, dedication, discipline, steadfastness, focus

Make the world a better place. Progress, development, life is good! Gratitude, contentment, joy, service

become joyful, compassionate, enlightened. Increase the peace. Help others. Kindness, love, charity.

Humanitarian- Help humanity, all living things, all beings, all animals, everyone, everywhere, always.

Dukkha, defined: pain, suffering, stress, anxiety, worry, misery, anguish, despair, sadness, depression, despair, hopelessness, displeasure, discontent, unhappiness, unsatisfactoriness. Agony, torment, hell.

Sorrow, tears, crying, hurt.

Ha ha, heartache. (harmony, dharma, first do no harm, jain dar-lin) (jane and ellen!) hardy har har, ho ho ho. He he. Heh heh. Laughter, ugh later. The count. Detachment, dour, analytical, discerning, discriminating, deep, comprehension, insight, kwuteo (knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth, enlightenment, omniscience). No O. god/good. Oppression, repression, depression, recession, obsession, possession, confession, in session, lee press on nails, bruce lee jesus, god's gym, pray and prey, pay for paper, pay-per-view, Pe (Pierre) resists, prayer warrior, pray without ceasing, psycho, mental, predatory, of sound mind, mindfulness, monkey mind, quietude, stillness, tranquil, noticing, noting each thought, awareness of breath, emptiness, music with space, music from the hearts of space, muse, mews, moose, ick, sick, sic 'em, attack dog. Al gore, raining cats and dogs, global warming, global cooling, loco, crazy in love, war and warmth and awareness and beware and wary, ming vase/dynasty, die nasty, nas and tupac, t-pain, nasty boys, miss janet if you please, michael jackson, mj, michael jordan, magic johnson, mindstream, derailed train of thought, basketball, basket case (missing free throws), baseball and golf and chess and ping pong and tennis (focus, winning mentality), briefcase, attorney/lawyer, sawyer, turn knee, murder was the case that they gave me, just in case, justin timberlake, jt, john travolta, 10-20, jesse teshara! Satan cross. Stan a. cross, dag? Dag ridded evil! “I hate my name” 26, z, omega, sleep. Mai. Repetition, ad nauseum, over and over, again and again, without ceasing, without end, on and on, neverending, forever and ever (and even more ever), yada yada, and so on and so forth, etc. etc. there is nothing new under the sun, it's all just little bits of history repeating, just another day, just like any other day, that's ever been; round and round, new day, new year, 4 seasons, incremental change, the more things change the more they stay the same, those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it, eternity, oblivion, death. Rest in peace. Rest in pieces. Jack the ripper. Cal ripkin. Rip your napkin. Kirby puckett. Pucker up, kiss the curb. Curb stomp, american history x. X-men, Malcolm X, extra extra read all about it. The news, the olds, the new S, the oldsmobile, the popemobile. Pope, kissing the earth, the dirt, the soil, worshipping the ground I walk on. Ha! Ha-satan. Nat as ah. Nat X. Nation of islam. Islam, I slam, is lame, muslim, muslin, muesli, muzzle him, what up dawg? Allah, arm leg leg arm head. Extremities, extremism. Arms, armed and dangerous. Martial arts, self-defense, training, kung fu master, black belt, o-sensei, superiour equal inferior, o say can you see? The blind swordsman. Boot to the head! I'm not dead yet!

Mindstream, flow, stream of consciousness, train of thought, associations, one thing one thing – leads to another, talking heads, talking out of my ass, eddie murphy, raw, southpark reverse eating... the end!

Presence of unwanted things, absence of that desired

(persons, places, things, events, states, thoughts, words, actions)

such as: (sickness, illness, disease), (old age, senility, infirmity, dotage), (death, oblivion, annihilation)

attachment, detachment

obsession, possession, hessian, session, mesh in, recession, depression, confession

passion, dispassion, compassion, bash in, fashion, cash in, ration. Ass, shin. Shun. Sunyata.

Rational rationing of rations. (ameliorate: a meal your ate) (liberation, liber ration)(vir-chew)

lashing, lesson

sex: over cumming, suffer ring, bi-cycle of death (hated, date H), re-(bi)rth!, sam and sara!, b-ism, jism.

Schools (of fish!), refuge/future (F.u.), grace (gr ace, golden rule), psych elle/kull, wholehearted

commitment, vajrayana, community cum-unity (sangha), guidance (guy dance), deeds leave seeds,

cirCUMstance, before (b4, 6, sex), factors (F actors), passion and ass, under-standing, craving, desire,

lust, goo'd out-cums, becoming, fundamentally, US (unsatisfactory, stressful), meditation (john and

dianne!),

personal: buddh ism, 3ism (sara!). (ova) Is m. 49 bud dha 94 (adi da!), budd ha, 49, dios, reality.

God is an atheist. Doesn't believe in himself. In omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence.

Not possible. But belief is enabling? Makes people happier? Reduces suffering? Necessary lie?

Karma (car, ma), med-itation (shun), ism- intelligent scientific mind, ignorant stupid moron.

swans, geese, calling birds, french hens, turtle doves, partridge! (dukkha, duck! quack!)

regret (egret!), important (I am a poor cross ant!!), monkey/whiskey (monk wisdom), v omit (499)

time- thyme, that is me. Small minute. Painful hour (ow-er), weak week, month (7), year (why ear)

y and t, years and tears, yesterday and tomorrow/today, (oakland rock band), jesus and cross

chance chants, sangha, him hymn

stand, hey, it, amen -plural ;

SI (serenity, insight) (smart, intelligent) (stupid, ignorant)(screaming insane)

st. ignatius, sports illustrated, yes (spanish), I of sauron (!), sigh, c/see/sea, self-improvement

systeme international, sj (societas iesu), socialist international, smithsonian institution

swarm intelligence, synthetic intelligence

sacroiliac, small intestine, substantia innominata

suicidal ideation, sexual intercourse, self-injury

(vampire voices, feed on resentment -enlightenment, mind mint, can o bull)

body- action, intention, foundation (shin) (H sin?), hiss story, days/daze, tion (shun cross on!), ab-stain,

nerve-ana, meditation, medication, authenticity (tat, cat, city), mae: medication and authenticity.

types of word groupings:

rhymes, alphabetical, language, slang, synonyms/antonyms, alliteration/assonance, Categories/lists

x-fold, elicits origami, napkin, poker hand, folding. Foaled (baby horse).

types- theravada (darth vader), mahayana (hi anna!), vajrayana (vagina?)(ray and ana!)

0 (wholesome) (hole sum)(black hole sun) (bhs, burlingame high school), it all(ah) mounts to nothing?

1: noble ones (ariya), uni-verse, community, union, (unitarian, g-unit!),

3 jewels (refuge in, 3 jewish refugees), TJ/JT/El, TJ: Three Jewels :-) tj maxx (clothing retailer), tijuana

buddha (buddy ha), dharma (don't harm a), sangha (happy singing?), (ah ha)

3 negative roots (g,h,d; 10, satan),

3 good roots (non-attachment, benevolence, understanding) (nabu!)

3-fold training (higher virtue, mind, wisdom) (vw + bmw)

3-

4 (no bull truths): suffering (dukkha), cause of suffering , end to suffering, path to end suffering
  4- the four immeasurables: 1. loving-kindness, benevolence (ben, ellen, kay)
       2. compassion (cum passion, compass shun, cum/piss/ass)
       3. empathetic joy (ellen and jesse?) (electro magnetic pulse, pathetic) (pat, joy!)
       4. equanimity (like water off a dukkha's back)
 (4 true realities (TR): tuesday, thursday!;  (?), 4 stages of meditation (?) all the world's a stage!)

5 precepts: (bleed! Buddhist laypeople ethics education) abstain-
     1. abstain from killing living things/beings (extended to vegetarianism)
     2. stealing (ling? chinese for 'another') (ellen and anne!)
     3. lying (ying? chinese for 'should') (shoulder, don't should all over yourself)
     4. sexual misconduct (s and m, samsara?) (adultery) (sam and terry)
     5. intoxication (talks sick, toxic personality, k shun)
5 aggregates (skandhas, heaps, piles) (of clinging/craving) (that constitute and explain, body and mind) (each is not I/myself) (is empty, without subsance):
     1.  form or matter (f.m.!), made of virtual bumps in spacetime? (people, sentient beings, objects)
     2. sensation or feeling (s.f!), pun: pleasant, unpleasant, neutral.  consciousness connecting internal with external..
     3. discrimination (your psyche is a bigot? ha) (s and m process that recognizes and labels)
         (sensory and mental), recognition, re-cognition, best recognize! respect! lol
     4. mental formations (like this entire  blog, lol), (object oriented programming), karmic activities, triggers of action, what makes people initiate an action
      5. consciousness (awareness, cognizance, discerning, see?)
5 hindrances: to the good life / proper meditation.
   1. sensory desire, (satan devil!)
   2. ill-will, (hey, that rhymes! poet and didn't know it)
   3. sloth and torpor, heavy body, dull mind, "dddd" (dragged down into disabling depression),
   4. restlessness and worry (raw!), inability to calm the mind (aka "monkey-mind"),
    5. doubt (lack of conviction or trust) (no doubt, a band) (dow, convict, trustee)
7 factors of awakening: 1. mindfulness, (a full mind?), 2. investigation of reality (IR!), 3. energy, 4. joy / rapture, 5. relaxation, tranquility (body, mind), 6. concentration, clear awareness 7. ara (teshara!) accepting reality as-it-is (equanimity). (enmity of sequins!)

8 (-fold path, noble) no bull, EFP: “right” everything! ("all right", not milk)
      1.  right view (abcd! : "our actions and beliefs have consequences after our death")
      2. right resolve/intention (path of renunciation, enter an environment of non-sensuality, non ill-will, non-cruelty)(res sacharoff, patrick hennessy, nun, eons, crew)(pat and will!) (tent, tension)
       3. right speech (no lying, idle gossip, chatter, slander, abuse, even subtle belittling or barbed wit)
           (eric idle and barb!)
       4.  right conduct/action (no killing or injuring, theft, sex, material desires)
            (kits m.d.)(skit, skittles)
       5. right livelihood (only what is essential for life) (joining a monastic order, joy and mona!)
           promoting life, instead of death: poison peddler, slave trader, prostitute, butcher, brewer, arms dealer, etc. )
       6. right effort (7 factors of awakening!) generating wholesome states (jen's hole)(jen and tate)
           will and exertion, a steady pull, to develop virtues (detatchment, compassion), curb passions
            (will and ted!)
       7.  right mindfulness (no absent mindedness!, always aware of what you're doing)
            awareness of thoughts, feelings, body sensations.  retention of dharma teachings.
        8. right meditation/samadhi/concentration (sam and dhyana) (4 stages of dhyana!)
            "absorption" (sponging the concentrated orange juice?)
             extirpation of delusion (ignorance), craving (attachment, lust, aversion), hostility. (anger,        hatred, rage, wrath, fury, ire, resentment, bitterness, ill-will); meds (medication, meditation), sore abs (!), you can't spell samadhi without m-a-d!  (like funeral has fun)

10 virtues / perfections (paramitas):
     1.generosity, giving of oneself (jen, goo!)(jen and ross!)
     2. virtue, morality, proper conduct (al, chew, more ality, more 49, more buddha, p.c.!)
     3. renunciation (re, again.  nun.  cia.  shun, avoid)
     4. transcendental wisdom, insight (tw: tiger woods, third world, trump's wall; honda model)
     5. energy, diligence, vigor, effort (deve lopment)
     6. patience, tolerance, forbearance, acceptance, endurance (all the ents/ants)
              patrick (hennessy) IS tall.  I've met a Four.  and Oso (bear).
              my cousin in law's dad is named 'Ant'.  ack sept.  end of rant.
     7. truthfulness, honesty (th! the-ology, sith, etc.)
               ("ruth is the truth" -bumper sticker)(I'm with sith, lol)
     8. determination, resolution (nation, solution)
     9. goodwill, friendliness, loving-kindness (elle, kay, g/f)
           friendly friday, virtuous tuesday
     10. equanimity, serenity (eek! one, enmity) (sir wren)
           sirene is a balkan brine cheese; serene, scene, irenic, ironic, siren)
              i've met a serena (yuen) and (michael) wren

24 qualities of ideal buddhist follower/santani (see dharmachakra):
love (compassion? kindness?), courage, patience, peace/charity, magnanimity, goodness, faith, gentleness, selflessness, self control, self sacrifice, truthfulness, righteousness, justice, mercy, gracefulness, humility, loyalty, sympathy, spiritual knowledge, forgiveness, honesty, eternity, hope.
      

bhikku, bhikkuni (monks, nuns)- 36 vows for a novice, 253 for a monk, 364 for a nun
  (theravadin: 227 for monks, 311 for nuns)

kleshas:("cloudy" mental states, that manifest in unwholesome actions)(passions, poisons, defilements, afflictions, unwholesome roots, disturbing/negative emotions): greed, hatred, delusion, conceit, wrong views, doubt, torpor, restlessness, shamelessness, recklessness
    icc: international criminal court; ignorance, craving, clinging
synonyms, related conceptual groupings:
(ignorance, confusion, bewilderment, delusion), (desire, passion, attachment, lust), (anger, hatred, aversion..aha), (pride, arrogance, conceit...pac-man!), (envy, jealousy...nv, jesse L?)
     plus, wrong view, false view, opinionatedness
     "arising from a reification of an imagined self" -Muller (yogacara school of buddhism)

jesse words:
jealousy, JC, jay-zee, genessee  (street in SF), even gypsy (if you're not paying attention), j'suis (french for i am), jiexi (analysis, in chinese), jazzy, see's j, see s.j., jester

nirvana description: having eliminated desire, and accepting reality as-it-is, experiencing blissful egolessness, peace of mind, achieved an end of suffering, freedom from pain, in a timeless state of perfection, in the safe happy and quiet place of the great sages, who are free from sorrows, with the realization that all things and beings are without self, empty, without essence or fundamental nature, and impermanent.

my voice said "Buddhism IS a kind of suicide"
extinguishes ego, id, superego
me, myself, and I
the many me's, and the mini-me!

definition of a psychopomp:
1.in greek mythology, a guide of souls to the place of the dead.
2. the spiritual guide of a living person's soul.
(which still makes sense without belief in souls, or an afterlife)

empty
MT, mom teshara, margaret teshara
empty mind, blank mind, no ideas (e.g. words, images)
vampiric, drunk, blood loss, or alcohol gain
poop, urine, stomach
physically, mostly empty space:
     electrons are "bumps in spacetime" (virtual?)
without essence, without permanence,

w/o "substance" (sub stance? submission?)
    (or submarine, or subway sandwich, for that matter)
weird philosophical term.  i think of the table of chemical elements.

84,000 !!

path to liberation (6): ethics, meditation, wisdom, (k/c to elb/w), devotion, visualization, textual study

be good, quiet your monkey mind, make and learn from (yours AND others') mistakes, make time, imagine, read!

rebirth- born again! Yes? No? (kindness, compassion to world, every living being) (elbow!) (louis ck!)

rebirth (4): heaven, hell (limbo, purgatory);

realms, on earth;

christian born-again;

children, grandchildren, etc. (not exactly “you”, but close!)

positive, negative, neutral labelling noticed, then diminished, and finally extinguished.

Changing mental habits from attachment/aversion to detached, objective, real understanding.

Realization of universal (impermanent, transitory, fleeting, ephemeral, temporary) nature of all

“conditioned” (?) phenomena.

Also, the 3 marks of existence are S.I.N. (suffering, impermanence, no-self) (dukkha, anicca, anatta)

include emptiness and no-self, in addition to dukkha? (dookie -green day, (excrement)

“God is empty, just like me” - zero, by smashing pumpkins

impermanence, dukkha, and no-self? Happy nothingness. Blissfully extinguished. Grateful dead.

5 beliefs of dissent

1. I don't believe life is necessarily suffering. Dukkha comes in different measure, for different folks.

But it's good to know a system to overcome suffering, anyway.

Keeping busy, doing what needs to be done, is the simple answer.

2. I also don't believe death is anything other than complete oblivion, annihilation, and extinction.

In other words, I don't believe in rebirth, or the need to end a cycle of rebirth.

I do believe consciousness can penetrate other minds, telepathy and hive-mind and collective unc.

So maybe I'm wrong. I just don't believe in it (yet?).

3. Also, there is nothing wrong with attachment to hedonistic sense-pleasures.

Life is short, enjoy it while you can, as often and as much as possible.

It doesn't have to get old, if you keep things fresh, and mix it up (experiences)

4. The belief that nirvana is permanent is itself a delusion. But you can still have a happy death.
      Maybe, though, there IS a state of consciousness, one with ultimate reality, that is
         Illuminated Constant Eternal Bliss, like standing on a mountain top in the cool, clean air. (!)..honestly, though, this strikes me as a line of hopeful hypnosis,  no different than "Jesus sitting at the right hand of the Father"
5. Enlightenment does not equal omniscience! There will always be ignorance, for everyone.

But I won't throw out the baby with the bathwater!!

enlightenment
bodhi, an ideal state of intellectual and ethical perfection
nirvana, extinguished ego, feeling unified with surroundings
one with the universe, one with everything, one with reality
nothing is fixed or permanent and change is always possible
extinguishing the 3 fires of greed, hatred, and delusion
compassion for all living things, and profound spiritual joy
no attachments, aversion, craving, ignorance, passion, lust
suffering, sadness, pain, unsatisfactoriness, stress, dukkha
desire, thirst, clinging replaced by freedom, liberation, release
equanimity and acceptance, blowing out, extinction
in tune, not subject to change or influence, conviction, resolve
insight, tranquility, goodwill, kindness, compassion, serenity
awake, alert, mindful, discerning, discriminating, perceptive
meditation, contemplation, attention, thought, reflection
stilling, cooling, peace

b-ism, ave hen, he will, buddy H-ism, flame/fire, extinguished/blown out, repeating cycle of blad (birth, life and death), freedom/emancipation/liberation/release, from suffering, ignorance, rebirth

(fler from sir), a feller met a feller in a field of beans, says a fella to a fella can a fella tell a fella what a fella really means? Rebirth of sunfish (sol, sole), HH (his holiness) highest happiness, realiz of emptiness, non-self. Quietude, calm/tranquil, still, quiet (person, place)(mind) attitude/quietude, equanimity, quaalude, wha? Affliction, suffering, sid past mad, causes (sick ill disease pain agony suff torm misery anguish despair) sudden insight/wisdom to transcendent truth, impermanence, dukkha, non-self, emptiness (a “tall glass of water”, neither half empty or half full!, optimist, pessimist, vs. cynic, sin-ick) joke about transcending dental medication.. vampiric substrate, facet of meaning (drunk, empty) (M.T., my mother, margaret teshara, treat all as your mother, birth mother is not my mother, and adoptive mother isn't either, and neither is mother earth, OR all three are!!!, all true, god believes all things, living things, living room, life of your tires, chemical half-lives)

heartache -crete= ha ha

said the cretin, in crete, during the cretaceous

be mine, said the lover to the slave, on valentine's day, who was possessed (b/be/bee/bea)insightful, no?

b-ism, bee-ism: bee mine, honey, sweetheart, tender-hearted (yikes!), busy as a bee, B: butt, breasts

BB body building, butt/breasts, big and bad, bill bryson, bb king, bb gun, bebe (southpark),baby! bay-b, big and beatiful, big and burly

belly of the beast (beast with two backs) (b-east, burma) (reference to jonah in the whale, in bible) JW!

(bob: bob around (barbara anne -beach boys), robert, bobo, fishing) (davis, skinks, dad, CR, grandpa)

CR: camp royaneh (also, consensus-reality, colorado rockies, seer...) (catholic radio, 1260, sat )

xmas tree: compost, erosion barrier, food for goats (JT jesse tree, jesus cross, jess teshara -me!)

everything is old, thought before, nothing new/original (under son): ol' d : disease, dying, death

alternative interpretations (AI) of that old devil (ddd), reviled by “haters”

dis-ease (dukkha),

dyeing (fabric, “colorful”),

d eat h/ de at h: devil eat god, david eldridge at hannibal's deli, “little death” (orgasm)

death=hated (hater=earth), therefore, happiness =accepting (loving?) death. A law. (allah?)

Loving the hated: different, weird, strange, queer, non-conforming, radical, subversive, alternative

one with the universe, united with brahman, eternal rest, thus-gone, extinguished,

like a candle in the wind. Death, thou shalt die. Richard scarry, personification

(angel of death, anne I mull) (anne rice) 78, 6y (sexy?) anne rice, blood fetish

back to buddha, buddhism:

(get behind me, satan) (butt, behind: devil is gay/queer/homosexual/fag?) messages, mess o jizz

anyway, (any which way butt-loose), associations (ass of cia, shuns), ciao, chow. Mess hall. Kith.

kids in the hall, kith and kin, family, fame- I wanna live forever!

I originally intended to just compile all the Buddhist lists, which i see as being how a clean mind should work, but got carried away with associations and connections, which I hope you enjoyed!
(I enjoy the messy process)

buddhist enlightenment is awakened intellect (AI!) as is?  Isai, my name in spanish.
jesse lawrence teshara, 499, buddha 234481, bud9, d4, ha9
   was idi a buddha?  idi amin hardly fits the profile!
   also, 'the buddha' does not equal 'satan' (says J)
499=22=v.   avalokiteshvara, bodhisattva of compassion (teshara +v +avaloki)
ava and loki! (god in norse mythology, a trickster god) (ava  gardner)
nirvana, spiritual release (spear ana, the nerve, lol)
bodhi, supreme knowledge and wisdom, of a buddha
    (the word knowledge evokes "biblical knowing," too)
       ( aside: is god a slut?  he loves everyone.  bisexual?)
maybe a motive for immersion in buddhism,
   for those seeking power, or being #1 (supremacy)
best, highest knowledge is supreme, many have it
(or maybe the few, the proud) (but no! humility is a virtue)

prolife, veg, a combination of buddhist extinguishing of desire, combined with met basic need.

Need, compulsion, desire... preference . Virtuous, enlightened-

Elegant, meticulous, precise. Fearless, brave, courageous. Immaculate, clean, discerning.

Powerful, sane, inquisitive, confident, tranquil, healthy, disciplined, dignified, grounded, solid

good, benevolent, equanimity, gentle, kind, loving, compassionate, merciful, caring (self/others)

authentic, honest, true, genuine; sacred, holy, tender-hearted, awake, aware, generous, beneficial

if equanimity = all good (it doesn't necessarily have to)

not good, bad, or even neutral -unlabelled, just IS. Accepted. Ack, sepsis.

God? (no evil) (not by killing sinners, locking up criminals, superior upbringing, government taking away freedoms, or everyone in one religion, etc.) (but defining everything as JUST IS (not evil) (not good, either). All god's plan, you could say. Love everywhere (everything). Pc, products of conception. Enlightened perspective (who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!) (conscious light!, ha) fire pain … or is it Utterly Sick and Delusional (!) (preferences and aversions, “residue”), nobody home, “simply not there” -american psycho, airhead, blockhead... eminem “feels so empty”, space cadet, mindlessness, “scatterbrained”  Bhikku, bku, be kill yourself?, suicide, on fire, self-immolation, SI, thick duck, selfless no-self A/B, skandhas: heaps of ideas, blog posts, words. (piles of paper)

BUDDHISM=23448914,
5885
8 

or, right brained, Buddy His M
(e.g. man, marcel, monkey...)

Trump's Wall

the wall

the great wall of china, the berlin wall, pink floyd's album

walls that keep some in, and others out

barriers, that separate and divide and exclude and contain and restrict

a word that sounds like wah plus all.

everyone bawling like a baby...

humpty dumpty sat on a wall !

Trump, well, he just feels threatened

gangsters, the poor, less educated

like a indian caste of undesirables

who will make america worse, again

walls make me think of incarceration, jail, prisons

locked in, staring at, less freedom

america, the land of the free.

And the wall would cost how much?

That's not free, either.

Paid by blood, sweat, and tears of american taxpayers.

For a stupid idea that can be climbed over, tunneled under, or torn down.

And should be, in my view.

We already have wall street, walgreens, and walmart!

Really? An alienating, estranging, isolating, looming, intimidating wall?

Mr. President, tear down that wall.

The wall in your heart

that thinks you're superior,

that thinks mexicans are worse than canadians,

that believes immigrants don't benefit the countries they enter,

that doesn't see that americans were all immigrants once,

and that won't see the iron logic behind

spending less on walls

and more on developing the countries immigrants flee

so that they can buy our products,

if not create more heavenly places for americans to visit, travel to, be tourists in, and enjoy,

without prejudice or hindrance or hate,

because America is and will always be great,

in a world that works cooperatively to lift each other up!

In fact, walls are ugly blights, and contrary to our ideals, and

if you want to check illegal immigration,

we can offer asylum and refugee status for the truly in need,

-while keeping criminals and terrorists out-

with more effective, and less expensive, ways to do that,

(instead of 1900 miles of a 30 foot tall monstrosity)

such as: more border patrol agents, with dogs, and technology

that can monitor the zone, or access fingerprint/record databases,

and... creative barrier ideas that increase interaction/wealth

such as a musical xylophone wall (!), or

a wall built in such a way as to allow volleyball,

or restaurant/food cart interaction.. (you get the picture)

Really, we don't want to build some permanent structure.

Because we want a future where eventually, any wall will come down,

RIGHT??

on the other hand, we like the walls of our homes,
and many hopeful immigrants die, attempting to cross the desert, etc.
but we're under no obligation to save them from themselves...
personally, i think the whole entire earth shouldn't have borders!
different laws for different nations, sure, I guess-
but free mobility of people, products, money, and
    well: pollution, water, disease, plants/animals, etc. too
I admit I'm not fully informed-
I just don't like borders.  I prefer freedom.  that's just me.

In conclusion, RITA!
(respect, acceptance, tolerance, inclusion)
WAR, too.  (welcome, acceptance, respect)

God Poem

god is a concept, a role, and maybe even a status

if there is a set of criteria for such a thing

maybe like a videogame level

or a chess master, or kung fu master

once on top, can you stay there?

Maybe god is a committee!

Or a rotating position

or nun of the above

nothing at all

non-existent

just a word

virtual

or me

or you

if you're good

or love: the two of you

a you-niverse unto itself

A Dream

I had a lucid dream

of a woman calling me A Buddha
I laughed
Buddha means 'awake' (!)
I don't know how many laughs
   (would that be the definition of 'clear' to a scientologist?)
anyway, I thought of a number of responses

Am I laughing because I am Buddha or because I am Not-Buddha?
I don't actually know!
Are we all Buddha, already?
Does it depend on the definition of Buddha?
There are 4 options: I am Buddha, I am not Buddha, I am both, I am neither.
I AM a buddy, ha.
Is Buddha merely a role? like God?
Is anyone who is awake a Buddha, just as anyone christened with oil is Christ?
I am my body.  My body is always changing.
Buddha is a name, a title.  I am Jesse.  I am not Jesse.
I am not a word.  You can call me whatever you want!
I don't believe in souls.  And I do believe in the(buddhist) doctrine of no-self.
A Buddha is not a Buddha?
Furthermore, "if you meet a buddha, kill him" -attributed to zen master Lin Ji

You can pronounce Buddha as:
Boo'd, uh  (boo-dism)
Budd huh (bud-ism)
bood uh (rhymes with good, uh)

Teshara - to share uh
to share regression analysis
a quote, "a regression is a statistical procedure hat takes raw historical data and estimates how various causal factors influence a single variable of interest.  In internet dating services, for example, the variable of interest is how compatible a couple is likely to be.  And the causal factors are 29 emotional, social, and cognitive attributes of each person in the couple."

Wouldn't you like to know what those 29 attributes are?

the goal: 
enlightenment
bodhi, an ideal state of intellectual and ethical perfection
nirvana, extinguished ego, feeling unified with surroundings
one with the universe, one with everything, one with reality
nothing is fixed or permanent and change is always possible
extinguishing the 3 fires of greed, hatred, and delusion
compassion for all living things, and profound spiritual joy
no attachments, aversion, craving, ignorance, passion
suffering, sadness, pain, unsatisfactoriness, dukkha
desire, thirst, clinging replaced by freedom, liberation, release
equanimity and acceptance, blowing out, extinction
in tune, not subject to change or influence, conviction, resolve
insight, tranquility, goodwill, kindness, compassion
awake, alert, mindful, discerning, discriminating, perceptive
meditation, contemplation, authenticity
stilling, cooling, peace

Why I am not Buddha:

5 beliefs of dissent with Buddhism:

1. I don't believe life is necessarily suffering. Dukkha comes in different measure, for different folks.

But it's good to know a system to overcome suffering, anyway.

2. I also don't believe death is anything other than complete oblivion, annihilation, and extinction.

In other words, I don't believe in rebirth, or the need to end a cycle of rebirth.

I do believe consciousness can penetrate other minds, telepathy and hive-mind and collective unc.

So maybe I'm wrong. I just don't believe in it (yet?).

3. Also, there is nothing wrong with attachment to hedonistic sense-pleasures.

Life is short, enjoy it while you can, as often and as much as possible.

It doesn't have to get old, if you keep things fresh, and mix it up (experiences)

4. The belief that nirvana is permanent is itself a delusion. But you can still have a happy death.

5. Enlightenment does not equal omniscience! There will always be ignorance, for everyone.

all good

good deeds, dirty deeds

satan, mephistopheles, antichrist, lucifer, beelzebub, evil, devil, jinn, eblis, azazel, ahriman, mara
vs.
happiness, fun, games, toys, play, joy, bliss, cheer, optimism, positivity, gratitude, respect, comedy, humor, satire, jokes, standup, laughter

virtue, vice
I AM
ahura mazda
angra mainyu
   (Zoroastrianism)

one with the universe, all-1
equanimity, acceptance (Buddhism)

bhagavan=bhagwan
both mean "blessed or fortunate one" (Hinduism)

Creator, Destroyer, Preserver

HH
his holiness, holy hill, happy hall, heaven/hell, hi/hello, him/her, happy and healthy, crazy 88's, happy holidays!  

HL
(heil, hell) hannibal lecter, hatred love, high/low, harvard knight, hospital 'ell

PP
progress toward perfection

jiexi means 'analysis'
which doesn't mean anal and sis

stoopid

It gets more ridiculous the longer it gets

the more serious I take myself, the more comical I become

laughed at, mocked, ridiculed

all good

laughter is ugh later. Because I'm right.

right is grit H (teeth without teet)

i'm left too. Ka-pow!

The left hand path, satanism

nonsense, nun sense, no incense

anyway,

right doesn't mean anything

left doesn't mean anything

mean doesn't mean anything

any thing doesn't mean anything

right means not left, left means not right

handedness, politics, dexterity and sinister, correct vs. lying

righteous vs. lefty liberal baby-killers. Left? Goodbye.

whatever

whatever's clever

meat is delicious

childbirth is painful

some prisoners deserve death

war is sometimes necessary

murder can be fun

vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord

god is a man of war

hatred is human

suffering is universal

i'm full of shit (literally)

meat is the result of vast suffering

childbirth, and adoption, is preferable to abortion

life imprisonment is a better punishment, better justice

war is never the answer

murder is evil

compassion, kindness trump vengeance

god doesn't exist, but love does

hatred will cool, my love for you is real

there is an end to suffering

i'm fresh out of shit

I don't care what you do.

Believe whatever you want.

Do what's right.

Every rule has an exception.

Sacred Holy Divinity

God's Loving Theology

here's the Virtue, that gets rewarded, for all the good little boys and girls!

Loved, loving, in love

from love, toward love

think/say/do/be love

friendship, family, community

of good cheer

thoughts, dreams, wishes, hoping, praying

God is not a genie, but The Secret says...

Reality, or the Universe, or Santa, or a Higher Power...

instantiates, or actualizes, or something

more virtues

goodness, faith, hope, love

sex, intimacy, touch, massage

pleasure, satisfaction, contentment, bliss, ecstasy

benevolence, grace, mercy, compassion, forgiveness

knowledge, wisdom, understanding

peace, security, safety, charity

kindness, joy, truth

strong, fit, healthy, well, sane

blessed, breath, alive!, experience

altruism, caring, concern

sympathy, empathy
fun!

Ho Ho Ho

Merry Christmas! Jolly morn!

While walking the dog-

I saw Santa driving a Mercedes, this morning.

Also, a car with the license plate Gezzzus.

And I heard a child scream, inside a house.

I heard a homeless woman playing a loud song in her car, "this girl's on fire".

I thought about Santa as an anagram for Satan, giving gifts through a “fire place.”

    The one day the fires aren't lit in the fireplace...

    he gets to escape hell, he repents by giving everyone gifts!

Gifts are regalos, in spanish. Al Gore! Presents, galore.

Algo means something. Algo-rhythm. A sick muse.

I also thought of “machine-elves,” living in our minds,

if you're high on dmt, I've read (but not actually experienced)

anyway,

I'm celebrating with family tomorrow.

I got everyone baklava and kind bars.

and toys (slinkys, a toy truck, radio)

A Law

Good morning, Berkeleyans!

hi

My name is Jesse. Jesse, like Jesse Jackson, James, Owens, Helms, Ventura.

Or the Christina Applegate sitcom of that name that ran on - from x to y.

Or Uncle Jesse, from either Dukes of Hazard, or Full House.

I am, in fact, an uncle. My brother Greg has 2 kids, Ben and Declan, x and y.

I'm also uncle jesse to Augustus, my friends Sara and Pierre's young boy.

They live in Portland. I might leave Berkeley, and go live with them. Cheaper rent.

My family lives in the Bay Area, though. And I like Berkeley. My roommates are mostly mexican.

I speak Spanish. My name in Spanish is Isai, or Chuy, or Jesus.

You can call me Jesus. I don't mind. Or, Zeus, for short.

I don't take the lord's name in vain, I hope. He seemed to do alright with mine.

My full name is Jesse Lawrence Teshara. My dad's name is Lawrence.

He goes by Mr. T, like his dad did, way before the A-Team was around.

Lawrence is spelled with 'law' and 'wren' in it. I guess you could call me Larry, too.

Teshara is a portuguese name. Some people think it's japanese. Maybe it is. It used to be Texeira, but the spelling was changed at Ellis Island, when z, my great-grandfather came over from Europe. Texeira is a common name there, I'm told. Teshara is an anagram for The Sara, and also As Earth, As Heart, As Hater, take your pick. Shat ear is one of the crazier ones. Makes me think of iron mike.

A jess is a falconry term: it's the strap around the bird's leg. Jessamine is jasmine.

So you can play with my name and come up with things like

Zeus Law as Earth, or Jesus, Larry shat ear, or Jess lore the Sara

or chewy ear law, or See S.J. wren as heart, or JC's law to share

or even, Jesus as hater. I jest! Hey, Zeus - lore int share, huh

I find this kind of thing fun, and you can do it with your own name, too.

There are anagram generators on the web, that can list thousands of permutations.

Names have a kind of power, but you can always change them.

Anyway, I'm not just Jesus and Zeus and Ra, the egyptian sun god I'm a law!

Law-rinse... maybe I should rinse my mouth. Isa is Jesus in arabic.

Jesse L can become jealousy. I'm sharing this with you (I'm to share). To Cher!

I'm adopted. PT is my mom. Riddle is my birthmom (a net!). Be rid of this dullness!

How many times is the word God used in the bible? (candle: can dull)

God is I AM. In french, J' suis (Jesse). J' taime (JT I am!)

I dated an Ellen (Covington) French in college. Lots of coveting.

Happy Noel. No elle. Go figure.

I'm JC (jesse). I've known LN, and KT, and written many SA's (essays), ha.

my name in chinese means something, too (i forget)

Merry Christmas, every One!

(god is one. money- my one!)

god is love. Jesus is the prince of peace. God is a man of war.

Another riddle. Batman's atman?  mow the lawn, pop?

Allah, a law; Teshara, to shariah!

tis the season

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas
Happy New Years
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Kwanzaa
Feliz Navidad
Happy Birthday!
happy solstice, and leonid meteor showers, and full moon

oh happy day
silent night
o holy night
    (that's what Halloween means!)

to be jolly
more suicides? (no, actually.  misconception.  spring has the most)
more death, i think (more elderly folk die in winter)
it's a cold, cold world
walkin' in a winter wonderland (www!)

today was a good day, for me.
i repaired the flat tire on my bike, bought bread for xmas potluck (couldn't find hawaiian rolls at berkeley bowl), took a shower, paid my January rent, listened to music, ate a burrito (with a snapple), did some paperwork, walked the dog, cleared my email, let the pets into the yard for like an hour, got over a hundred page views on my blog, took a nap, and watched some Ridiculousness (on youtube).

Busy, busy!

barking mad dogma

what up, dawg?

a doge is the chief magistrate of venice or genoa
top-dog!, derived from dux, latin for leader

(dogma is not etymologically related to dogs)
(just like jewelery has nothing to do with judaism/jewry)

today, 12/22, is the date the Dominican order was sanctioned by Pope Honorius III (in 1216).
my mom's sister is a Dominican,  in the Order of Preachers
(apparently there's a difference between nuns and sisters?)

St. Dominic Of Guzman (D.O.G.) is often portrayed with a dog
I've been to the church of st. dominic of guzman, in Oaxaca, Mexico
the story behind this association is that

https://mervinop.wordpress.com/2016/08/13/the-myth-about-domini-canis/

so there's more to the story than just a pun of domini-canis.
hounds of the lord, watchdogs of the lord
preaching is "barking" (!!)
(this can be interpreted as preaching being just noise)
    this itself can be considered "bad noise"
which I got from the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

woof! ruff! yip! (all true, lol)
bow wow

o.p. (order of preachers) reminds me of 'stop' signs
the st could stand for saint

dog is of course god, backwards
yhwh is H, why? backwards
devil is lived, backwards
evolution is no it u love, bacwards

"man's best friend" (-King Frederic of Prussia, 1789)
all dogs go to heaven (another good quote/meme)
       woman's best friend, too?

bark is of course the outer layer of a tree
jesus was a carpenter, nailed to a tree
jesus shrivelled a fig tree;
the jesse tree (genealogy of jesus)
the trees of knowledge, life
fruit of the womb
and, of course, Xmas trees! (plus wreaths and mistletoe)
boughs (bow wow!) , priests bow :-)

plus,
bark=bar plus ark (wine miracle, eucharist, and Noah)
DR (doctor? healing?) -Dominican Republic
ru serious? Sirius, the dog star
put that on your Christmas tree-top!
a partridge in a pear tree

The present is a present!
Presence, under the tree, :-)

What's Up, Doc

A rap

Whadup, peeples? Why, steeples!

What else is up? Stars and sky, clouds and moon, we'll get there soon

What's down, clown? Why, The center of the earth

what's the knowledge worth? Why, your baby's birth!

The sky! The opposite of down!

on this big blue marble, we're all underground

and will be, wear a trilby, you feel me?

What do I mean? What is this scene?

The north pole is under the south pole, if you keep going

if you're going through hell, keep going

it's showing, keep rowing

the earth is brown, earth is a noun

down town, up town, same old sound

watch is wound, lost and found

round and round, new day, new year

rotate and revolve, mysteries to solve

have a beer, eat a steer

good cheer, never fear

hear! Hear! We're here, very near

Britney spears, in your ear

run like a deer, from the hunter and his gear

ride in my lear, without peer

refrain from smear, that's the spir-it

let's hear if! For the meerkat, and all that

a kitkat, a tictac, bric a brac, frick and frack

a fraction of the friction makes for good diction

who won the eliction?

"Reality"

Reality

re-ality, re 49. di-os. Jesse teshara operating system. Re-me, over and over again.

Me on dope, high on marijuana, had some ideation along these lines.

Embracing buddhism, as a result. Deciding beforehand to not go “into the light” (rebirth).

Repetition, petition again, pet it ion? Huh? Shun petting it. (caressing, pets)

remorse- do morse code over again. No remorse! 466. don't 7 again.Jesus christ.Been there, done that!

Re words

rewards, remorse, reality, repetition, recharge, revenant, review, recap, renaiisance, resurrect...

redemption

metaphor for being “bought back” (redeemed, like a coupon)

sacrificing god is the devil's price for giving back enslaved souls to god?

Metaphor? Virtual? Unreal!

Trying to put a positive spin on a great injustice.

Because devil and god don't exist! Jesus was insane, trying to fulfill (insane) jewish scripture.

God choosing his own “chosen people” sounds like an idea from a / the devil, if you ask me.

If god is the source of goodness, then the truth, which is good, comes from me, my brain

(my brain is God!) (life is but a dream, who is the dreamer? I dream myself, I think, I hope)

Isn't it insane to think all my thoughts don't originate with ME!??

(I get by with a little help from my friends, corporate mind)

good and evil exist, but god and devil, no. Good and evil vary, between people. It's personal.

the whole subject is nutso.

The devil (a virtual reality, a role) owning souls (which don't exist), and returning them to God (heaven, afterlife, possibility of -) by virtue of killing Jesus (God as a man). Insanity, all of it.

Res-erection (reyes), met a Four, and Sam/Sara- my life is kinda nuts.

Words, wards, and were 5 (christ)

funky words:
bigelow tea!  (breaking god's law, ow, T!)
cross: crossing over, like the river charon, feeling cross on the cross
pain: i pan (bread, in spanish), i nap?
                   bread: bred, read B

insane in the membrane, insane in the brain! (cypress hill)

Insane clown posse (aka, icp)

mirror in the bathroom! (the english beat) (trip gently into mental illness)

madness (rocksteady band)

crazy in love (beyonce)

What's YOUR truth?

Reality revisited: re words from the chambers dictionary:

(“the only word in the english language that should always be used in quotes”)

realia!

pp. 1271-1309

reach, react, reactivate, read, reed, reagan, ready, reagent, realign, realize, realm, realpolitik, realty, ream, reanimate, rear, reason... (nevermind, almost 40 pages of this!)

Of course, I am not my thoughts.  I am not my name.  I am not a word.  I am not my brain.  I am my body (but my body changes, all the time).  I am whatever role I play.   All identities are self-chosen roles.  I think maybe I have no inherent self ("no-self", a buddhist concept).  I am the walrus.  I am a stream of consciousness, flowing to the sea of Brahman.  I am mostly water.  I am a human being.  God is made in the image of man.  Halloween can be every day, if you want to be a vampire, for example.  If you commit crime, or eat people, you can be a monster.  You can be forgiven.  You can start over, every new day.  You can ingest the eucharist, every week.  You can extinguish your self,  or elevate yourself, and be God, either way.  You can be an atheist, and still be good.  You can be mad, and still be sane.  You can be sane, but be mad.  It's all good.  Unless it's all bad.  Both, or neither.  Paradoxes exist!  Different perspectives co-exist, and change, in time, which you can call progress, regress, or even both!  May the force be with you.  May you be free and unforced.  May the police force leave you alone.  May the fourth be happy.  Maytag repairman, you're it.  Nevermind.  Be thoughtful.   Don't be mental.  Crunch some numbers.  Do crunches and planks.  Step off the gang plank.  Go off the deep end.  No, we're never gonna survive unless we get a little, crazy.   Insane in the brain, insane in the TOE (theory of everything).  Medicated, mentholated, meditated, motivated, dedicated, situated, and educated.  Via con dios.  Adios.  To gawd.

Christ

aw, Christ!

the expression used for dismay at stupidity
i also associate it with anything extreme, over and way beyond

it means annointed with oil, as a priest, king, or prophet, says wikipedia
the oil is called chrism
christ, on wikipedia, is immediately redirected to Jesus

Chris(topher) and Christine and Christy and Chris T
Maybe Chris Tucker is christ, lol

It makes me think of cry plus st (street, something, hissing at cross)
like chrysler (my dad crying? Larry) (or, an unhappy lair)
or chrysalis (from entomology, a butterfly term)

numerology? 389912=5
pentagon, pentateuch, pentagram
fingers, toes
five alive! (a juice drink, i think).
 take five is a hershey candy

savior and redeemer
saved, in memory, or on disc, or in the cloud.
   unforgotten, undead, not consigned to oblivion
salvation, saving the soul from sin (and its consequences)
synonymous with messiah
messy! ah
saved from the orderly, lol
    the nazis were notoriously organized, actually
the consequences of breaking the law can be being found guilty
(even if you're not) (loss of freedom, incarceration)
     stress, anxiety, terror of imprisonment
     exposure to constant threat of danger
     even assault or rape, possibly
   receiving a sentence? (sentences end with a period)
           (evokes a bloody end)
         conviction, con vict, with victory? prisoner has one in it (won!)
          god is one, p.r. (public relations) for god, priscilla? sir and p (ack)
         (ignorant) people convinced they're safer with the accused locked up
           (grammatical sentence, period of time, woman's period)
         periodic, like the table of elements (toe!)
 
anyway,
messiah means a savior or liberator of a group of people
  concept originating in judaism, (i.e. savior of HI, house of israel)
the truth will set you free (John 8:32)
free from sin, misery, or ignorance
sin is breaking god's law
the question is if god's law is different from society's
    civil, criminal, canon, even laws of physics!

antichrist
sounds like it means anyone who is against christ
which is taken to mean, against christians, or christianity
but, i'm told, also means a false christ
  (used the wrong chrism, lol)
  (annointed by the wrong person?), or
  (wrongly annointed!)
makes me think of anno (year), annoying ted, or an oink...

i made the (unappreciated!) joke of referencing my mom's sister
who is a dominican nun, as "aunty-christ"

also, i thought of ants having their own jesus-ant, lol
the ant i christ (!) (christ, ants!)
 if people are like bugs, maybe bugs are like people

if you're good, then you're god
if you're god, then you're good
i'm not even trying to be christ
or even christ-like
but i'm not trying to be antichrist, either
i mean, how can you be against healing people, right?
that would be cool, to lay hands on people, and have them be healed!
but it wouldn't be cool to be crucified, or die at an early age (!!)

maybe healing should be left to the doctors
but if people respect you enough, maybe the placebo effect would work
a course in miracles seems to emphasize sex
sexual healing, song by marvin gaye
good is goo 'd

i don't think of muslims, jews, scientologists, buddhists, flying spaghetti monsterites, or anyone else as antichrist.  It seems to me christ was for everyone ("died for all"), so it would be bad form to be against him, not that it matters, because he's dead (!)

the truth is good
i'm trying to convey truth in my blog
i'm playing god.  God.   God+, actually.
being better than god is MY way, truth, and light.
i hope it helps
even if it only helps me, then that's good!

jesus said, if you're not with me, then you're against me?
   (jesus is dead.  it doesn't matter anymore)  
i think god (a higher power than jesus!) disagreed with that, which could be why he was crucified!!
you should be for yourself (not for or against jesus)
THAT's the will of the "father"
SI is st. ignatius, but also self-interest

i also wonder if history is just the aftermath of jesus,
i.e. a world war for each nail (WWIII as de-feet-ed)
christmas
christ! more?

the end of times is when you throw away your clock, lol
the son of God is just the son of love (parents made love, no?)
am i a false messiah?  i'm saving myself on this blog!
god believes all things.   it's all true! 
   i'm not that messy.  messy jesse, lol.
   i hope you appreciate my mess-age(s)!

poverty sucks

homelessness, even more

favela, slum, shanty town, ghetto

(hovel, sty) squalid, abject, dire poverty

jhuggi, cabbage town

water, electricity, sanitation, hygiene

but there is something to be said for sleeping under the stars :-)

a morsel of philosophy

a few bites

1. even an atheist can get behind "be good"
2. atheists can also believe love exists
3. atheism is a hindu path to god, actually (!)
4. the universe is indifferent, but you are the center of your own "you" niverse, and can eliminate your own suffering, and make yourself happy.
5. one way to make yourself happy is to make others happy!
6. M.A.D. , make a difference, mom and dad, mad magazine, it's a mad mad world.
7. "you're immortal, until you're dead" -michael helbush
    then, you're eternally dead (!)
8. a hundred years might seem like an eternity, actually.
9. reading is compressed time!! (the author's, editors, translators, commentators)

Babble-icious

Babbling on

Well, I sure had one helluva day. I woke at 4:30 a.m., and … ah, who cares. Just another day. Just like any other day, that's ever been. Nevermind. Yes, I realize I'm drawing from Oingo Boingo, the Grateful Dead, and Nirvana. Nobody is ever themselves, anymore. Ha, Dead Milkmen.

I bloody well am a giant music box, alright? One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces. Ok, Pink Floyd, that one. Did Pink ever carry out his threat? By the way, which one is Pink? Oh, Pink is somebody else. A girl. Ya, I don't care if Pink killed anybody, either. Pink could kill the whole damned world, for all I care. Call it empowerment or something.

I woke up and went back to bed. To sleep, perchance to dream, ay, there's the rub. Visions of swastikas, dancing in my head. Shakespeare, and David Bowie, I think. I ate some of my free lunch. There's no such thing as a free lunch? Who said that? No, not the Who. Try going to a food pantry. You could eat freely for the rest of your life, if you wanted. Take the skinheads bowling.

The beat, the english beat, the beatles, the eurythmics, sonic youth, the sound of music, the sound of silence, lynyrd skynyrd says “turn it up”, the loud family, Low, quiet riot, rage against the machine, the sex pistols, guns n' roses, love and rockets, the clash, fight club, battlestar galactica, star wars, american psycho, i'll stop there. Stream of consciousness, spittin some flow. Word, ward, warred.

I dream of Jeannie, Morpheus, Dr. Dre, dreamworks, and dream factory. The DREAM act, dreamers. I have a dream speech. Interpreting dreams, in the bible. Dreamcatchers, native american. (D and rheem. dr. eem?) Hakeem the dream Olajawon, hoops player. Lucid dreaming. Lucy. Lucifer. In need of some restraint, rolling stones. Sisyphus. Camus, campus. Dream on, aerosmith.

Yo blood, spittin' some flow, word up dawg, bee-otch, word to your mother, in the house, old school, G u-NIT. Bitch ass ho hood rat chickenhead, in da hoopty, with some cheddar. That's all I got.

Cars

pros and cons

pro
fun to build, race, own, collect, hopefully drive
personal statement, mobility, convenience
beauty, speed, power, privacy, pride
(driverless, in future!)
ride-sharing

cons
death, ugliness, noise, isolation, cost:
pollution, endangerment, pavement, isolation, bother, cost, opportunity cost, war for oil, murderous regimes, koyanisqaatsi, lack of stillness, hitchhiking, alternative modes of transport...

in other words,

danger to drivers, passengers, pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists, other cars, traffic
traffic jams, frustration, anger, misery
concrete jungle, pavement not dirt, gravel, trees, nature
isolation, insular little world, cut off from society, alienation
bother: loud music, angry engines, horns (noise that annoys)
cost/opportunity cost: make friends, better health bicycling,
    absurd situation of going into debt to get  to work to pay for going to work (!).
    cost could be better spent on so much else (libraries?)
war for oil
supporting murderous oil regimes
less: stillness, calm, rest, stay at home; go! go! go!
hitch-hiking, danger (to both parties)
other ways to get there! (teleportation?!)
    bus, train, plane, boat, walk, bike, unicycle, skateboard, skate, rollerblade...

Geography Gets Personal

embedded names

(30!)
nick in nicaragua, ana in guyana, tina in argentina
barb in barbuda, barbados
suri in suriname, malia in somalia, cameron in cameroon
rocco in morocco, al in algeria, maury/tanya, molly, chad, sue, dan
peggy and libby in egypt and libya, ben in benin
ken in kenya, bob in zimbabwe
   sara and leone in sierra leone
george in georgia, lots of stans, phillip in philippines
monty in montenegro, don in macedonia
sam in samoa, solomon has his own islands
beck in uzbekistan

Who

Who let the dogs out?

Who, who, who. Woof. Nobody did, dumb-ass, there's a dog door. Well, somebody might have left the dog door open. So who did that, huh? Who, I ask you. Do you know? Well, do you, punk?

Who are you? Who who, who who, I really wanna know.

Woke up in a soho bar, where police man knew my name...

I am Zaxor, queen of the Nebulonians. That's pronounced, Nebb you loan- Ians. That reminds me, can I borrow Ian? I sure could use him for a day or two.

What is the reason for all of this? Why? I don't know. I like to write. I was told I'm a good writer. I'm told you get better at writing by writing (and reading), and that you should discipline yourself to write every day, like Stephen King, who writes 2000 words, every day, I'm told.

No, why Nebulon? Why have you evoked and conjured and brought into the collective consciousness that which was only marginally and minimally present before, where it should have remained, and which I must report about now, to my Nebulonian superiors, who had heretofore wished to remain obscure, anonymous, and unnamed, but who now must step into the limelight?

Are you saying Zaxor let the dogs out? Was she drunk? Are you saying Nebulon is a real place? What do dogs look like on Nebulon? Does Dirty Harry shoot dogs there?

Who? What? Why are you asking so many questions? Are you on a quest for knowledge? Ask Alexa. I'm only a real intelligence, the artificial one knows more!

Where is my mind? I've lost it, again. Where did it get to? It belongs in my head. Behind my eyes, between my ears, above my neck, below my scalp, in front and center, reporting for duty. How am I supposed to function without my mind, huh? Answer me that! I don't even know who I'm talking to! Arghh. Heeere, minedy minedy mind!

When is my 20 minutes of fame? When will we get there? When will I be old, officially?

Why is Y a part of why? That's so confusing! Why is why a part of YHWH? WHY!! Why are you reading this? Who do you think you are? What is your purpose for being? Where am I going with all this? When will I get there!

Last Post

The End (!)