Illusion and Delusion and Collusion and Fusion

 And contusions and confusion

Illusion is a trick that deceives into believing something unreal real

Delusion is thinking the untrue true, a mistaken belief

Collusion is cooperation in a conspiracy

Fusion is what the sun does (or combining, in general)

Contusion is a black and blue bruise

Confusion will be my epitaph, sang King Crimson.   (uncertainty, lack of understanding, need for clarification).

you Zhin

aside: SCARY thoughts, nightmare horror of the worst hells of a. being "locked in", b. in a coma, c. consciousness transfer to a machine, d. ever-increasing pain, e. floating out in space like General Zod in Superman.   I've been going through shit lately.   Sorry.   Jesus made water wine, walked on the stuff, survived death, they say.   And there's Akasha and Enkil.  And reptilians.  All very very weird, if you ask me.

    My voice said David Foster Wallace committed suicide "because he was new to the game."    I read his Infinite Jest.  My name is Jesse Teshara.   JessT.  Me, infinite?  Surely, you jest.   What's the frequency, Kenneth?   What's the code for codeine?   

Hey.   What if I AM NOT a holy god, but my girlfriend is, lol??  (She's "beyond a God", who mothered The Eternal).   Like, a true god would not curse or swear, she says, like I've sometimes done here.   Or a pagan god doesn't go to Heaven, or something.   Everybody, deities included, need to submit and obey and worship the Holy One True God.   (Should I get an Everyone Lives Forever bumper sticker?).   What if the whole world is retarded, and I'm the only one that's right?   What if Reality is weirder than ANY of us can even dream of?   Is the world really a vampire?   With mind control and machine heads universal, freedom an illusion, and darkness infinite?  Uhhhhhh.   Is karma really a thing?   Life isn't fair?  The victim gets the victimizer's punishment?  To be happy, should we all just say Fuck It, and not care??   Is that sweet little old lady really a depraved vampire reptilian?

Other hells include starvation, being eaten alive, eating shit, and eating your family.   Or, degenerative neuralgia.   Or, being the last person alive.   Or, maybe even getting everything you've ever wanted, asked for.  Or being too smart, to dumb, or too you.   

Life is simple, though.    See, hear, smell, taste, touch.   Live, die.   Eat, drink, be merry.  People get fucked up.   They want to be happy.    They think they're ugly, dumb, sick, sad, cruel.   It's okay.   Just do unto others as you would have them do unto you.   Be kind.  We're all in the same boat.   Life is complex.  Take some time to meditate and let it percolate and filter.   I am actually of the opinion that a good sleep is in fact profoundly productive.  

Today's thought:  what are the neural coordinates, in a neural net, of a neural node for a platonic form of an extension cord?  Lol.  (less funny: are head shocks psychic mind-control to zap neural coordinates of specific ideas?).    And, religions are communities centered around funky concepts, who cares what they are, it's the community and cooperation and fellowship (and corporation) that counts.

G.O.D's (and some G-D's):  guaranteed overnight delivery, going over documents, graduate of Davis, good old days, good orderly direction, giver of delight, game of death, go out dancing, great outdoors, goddess of destruction, guns oil drugs;  general disarray, game day, grimy dirt, genuine draft, glee delight.

Slim Shady, in Mordor (where the shadows lie), takes umbrage at the umbras and penumbras.

Dancing the sega, playing Sega genesis, and listening to Suzanne Vega, on Invega.   Omg, the Silverback has a silver buck knife!  They fired the criminal into the sun!   ....where he will burn for Sadistic Torture And Revenge!  PBS had a series on Portuguese Black Storks.   I stocked my teepee with toilet paper, and read Terry Pratchett, Thomas Pynchon, and Trivial Pursuit cards!!  Titan A and E, Always and Everywhere, Akasha and Enkil.  Allen and Ellen?  Agony and Ecstasy.   Accident and Emergency, Arts and Entertainment,  Analysis and Evaluation.  Aliens and Extraterrestrials.  After Earth.   Lake Titty Caca and Lake Poopó.    The trite traits of a trout.   Harvey's harvest of crappy crops.   Islands in Holland?  Fascist fashion on hunky punks.  My peers in the pyramid, and my underlings hurling vomit every time they see a comet.  My cock is a rock, said my funny honey.  My door is a jar.   Milagros in Lagos, and boring whoring, and spectacular funiculars, and trite sights.   Lovely doves and absurd birds and missionary men and those motivated to be automotive.  Namby-pambys from Zambia.  Lions lyin' in the sun (no lie!) - Humans are animals, truly.   Fake folk fuck like real royals.   Bored birds and engaged macrophages.   I miss the mist.  Sane Rose, rainbows, and the bane of foes, gaining woes, like pain in your toes.   There's also Danes at Lowes,  and Jane and Joe, which fill me with hope, like every fag flag.    A pride of gay lions and a shame of sinful loons.   GOD as Guilt Or Disgrace.  Touchy-feely with Keely.  Blessed with bliss, in my new blouse.  Pugs pigs and Peggy.   Mama and Papa, comma, Rapa Nui.   Family named Amelie, listening to a homily about camels, lol.   Deafening tuff and loud clouds and voluble tall walls, y'all.  Silent violence of injured ninjas.  Hell's bells, and heaven's seven Evans.   POWs say Party On, Wayne.   War is for the marine corps and those who like gore and more, or those who adore lore about boring chores about torn whores on shores, or four poor roaring snorers from the Azores with sores.   Ingress and egress and progress doing the old in and out.  Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds on LSD.    Mary Jane's last dance on Marijuana.   Cracking the code on crack.  Drugs and drag queens and droogs.   Highs at any elevation, and at all locations, including Lowe's.    Rocky is Tuff to beat.   A heart of stone.  He's solid.  The petrified forest isn't scared of you.   It welcomes the scared, frightened, and terrorized with the solace of the solid.   Rock on, Treena and Woody!   I traveled to Fiji and Mt. Fuji and listened to the Fugees while I squeejeed my jeep Cherokee.    A burden on your brother? word to your mother.   Eating dolmas on the dolomites.   My onion companion, and my friend the endive, and my pal the scallion.  I've got plants in my pants, and thunder in my underwear, and dirt in my shirt, and nature in my future.  Moans in my bones, and hugs in the bugs, and sermons about worms.  I've got love from above, and hate in my fate, and no from below, but yes from Jess, I guess.   Hell smells, but heaven's scent.   The art of farting is part of your heart, but perfume is Divine.   Pheromones and marrow in your bones.   Inimical to comical chemicals like mescaline at Temescal.   Laughing gas and crying liquid and doing a solid.  The chasm between blood plasma and solar plasma and the plasmatics and asthma and orgasm.   The proximity of equanimity to enmity, and Yosemite to Amityville to MIT.    Snake livers, and herpetological hepatology.    Frigate bird in Phuket, listening to F.M. radio.   Fuggedaboutit!    Frogs, newts, toads, and salamanders are amphibians.  But Newt Gingrich is a reptilian?  Like a real reptile!  God's mountains, the G-D range (Great Dividing range).   go on dates, good days, glory daze, Great Divide, Grueling Divorce, going deplorably, general disaster, give over dollars.  Bopped on the head:  Bay of Pigs (Cuba) and Bay of Plenty (New Zealand).  Star Trek fans are sometimes vulcanologists.  Europe?  Czech it out!  Breathtaking views from the home of the incubus.  Succubi suck!   Eating ptarmigans with parmigiano cheese.  Wholesome foods vs. junk food at Whole Foods (Don't shop at Partial Foods!).  Birds like partially digested worms, though... Toucans dance the can-can, and flaming gay flamingos dance the flamenco.   I subsist on kraken, crackers, and crack!   Crikey, you're up shit creek, you frickin' crook.   What a load of crock.   You'd croak!  Eat some chocolate crickets.   Fudge!  Fracking!  Fork!  Hordes of lords, and gobs of gods, all doing deity duty.    But how many devils do depraved evil?  Who's the vampire umpire?   Red liquids, from wine to bug juice, cranberry juice and pomegranate juice, and red cans of Coke.   Rivers of blood, in red tide, in the Red Sea.   Reigning blood.   Waiter, I'll have the white.

Mix and Match: Good, Great, Glorious.  Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent.  Divinity, Deity, Deus, Dios.  Giver of Dreams, Good Old Days, Good Orderly Direction, Grand Old Duke, Game of Death.   Face of God in the fog.  Crack the code on crack and codeine.  Is mental the same as mentally ill?  Nevermind, to a contrarian, is telling you to Always Mind!!   Hindu Trimurti:  Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva (Siva): GOD: Generate, Operate, Destroy (Creator, Preserver, Destroyer).  Dog, man's best friend, DOG, Death Of God!   Life of God, log.   BLOG: Beautiful Life Of God.   God's Blog:  Glorious Omniscient Deity's Beautiful Life Of Goodness!!  Jesse, Jess, Jesús, Chuy, Isaí, Jester.  Lawrence Teshara Stollnitz.   Me Myself I.   Triune Trinity Trimurti.   Triangle triplicate triple.  Mother, Father, Child.   I you he she it we they.    Me you him her it us them.  You yourself Thou.   Who what where when why how which.   Read watch listen, eat exercise sleep, write talk create.   Work play.

Praise Worship Glorify.   Holy Blessed Sacred Sanctified.   God Deity.   Almighty All-powerful All-wise All-knowing Always Everywhere.   Omnipotent Omniscient Omnipresent.   Love Kindness Goodness Benevolence Mercy Compassion Forgiveness.   Grok Understand.   Knowledge Wisdom Understanding Truth Enlightenment.   Perfection Bliss Freedom.   Joy Happiness Cheer Contentment Satisfaction Nirvana.  Safe Secure Prepared.   Strong Fit Healthy Well Sane.  Goals Objectives Desires.   Extinguishing Attachment, Aversion, Ignorance.   No delusion, confusion.  Laughter, Fun, Play, Leisure, Pleasure, Treasure.  The Good Life.   A life well-lived, a good death.

Why is everyone deluded?   G-D telepaths fuck with our heads.   Why?   For politics.   For money.   For court cases.   For God knows what else.   Anything at all.   Us and them.   Wars and religions.  Maybe sports.  That's really it.   You are a battery.   A source of power, a subject of mind control, a pawn in a greater game.   Not sure I really want to be part of this something Greater Than Myself everybody says is so damned important.   I don't know what I'm being used for.   I didn't sign on to this.  Silence is golden.   Of course, The Matrix movie told me to think I was a battery.   Maybe I am in fact powerless.    Said the Omnipotent, lol.   Eminem said I am whatever you say I am.    I'm just a girl.

The world is a vampire?  A solid, stand-up guy, with rigor mortis.  All we are is dust in the wind.   Here today, gone tomorrow.    No one lives forever.   All is impermanent.   To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.  No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.   Body, ripples, hearts- they ALL die.  Immortal Eternal?   Yeah, right.   (Shiva is not a she.  Mahadeva is not a ma.   He's also known as Hara -as in TesHARA).    What's in a name?   I'll tell you.   Letters and sounds.   Anagrams and wordles.   Any meaning you want to give.   A body, a mind, a life.    The Buddhists say we're empty.   So nothing at all.   That's what's in a name!   (wordles are words you can make from another word, like 'row' or 'dr.' or 'rod' or 'dow' or 'do' - from 'word'.    Anagrams are like 'presbyterians' from 'Britney Spears'.  Acronyms are LOVE as lots of vicious entertainment, say.  We do this in Jesus' name, lol.)