Yum

Chewy Chuy

Hello, dear reader.   Thanks for reading me.  I exist for your pleasure and edification.  So hi and thank you:  Let’s get this party started, shall we?  Maybe, if you’ve enjoyed reading this, you can meet me, the author, in person, live and in the flesh.   Or you could write me an email or something, and I’ll do my karmic duty of reading you, in turn.  Our minds can entangle that way, and we’ll each be a part of each other, a collective mind, a shared soul.  Or even a cult, maybe.  

I’m God.  That takes some balls to say, I realize.  But I AM.  You can decide if I’m good or not.  You worship me, I’ll worship you.  But I’m definitely a deity of some kind or sort.  Kindness is my religion.  I’m not cruel to be kind.  But you can’t spell cruel without cure.   And kind bars, well, you are what you eat.  Mm, sweetheart.  Delicious.  Just kidding.  I’m not a cannibal.  I will never eat you.  Unless you’re Jesus.  Sometimes I eat Jesus.  

Viktory

Meaning

Being mean, or being kind

Cruel to be kind, in the right measure

Being average (the mean)

Me an (me and Anne?), NIN (nine inch nails?), 

    -ing (behavior, action, doing) 

useful, successful, happy

cynicism, nihilism, disillusionment

    Sinful cynics, nihilist oblivion, emptiness

Life as meaningless and of no consequence

   suffering, dying, privation, for nothing

Value of each and every person (veep!)

Unconditional meaningfulness

HIV, human ideals, values

    To live for, even to die for

Decent minority

depression, aggression, addiction

debasing and depreciating

possibility, potential, what can be done?

Actualize potential meaning, git ‘r done

What can and should be done

     Needs, desires, oughts

Vocation and mission 

    vae victis

Decisions over conditions

HHH, head held high

    ensue, not pursue

Attention and intention

Neurosis and psychosis

Map, meaning and purpose

Mean meaning and perpetrator purpose

   A cause or a person

Contention, we should be content

Con tension, convicts and prison gangs, rape, etc.

Adaptation and adjustment

Courage and dignity

Self-transcendence, forget yourself

Spiritual self, St. Stephen’s, Sarah Salazar

Defense mechanisms, reaction formations, sublimations

OH my god, Optimism Hope

From tragedy to triumph

Eve’s reprieve

Eastern Easter

Psychic physics, psychic sidekick, psychotic psychics

Irate innate inmate

The cock crowd, genius Jesus, Jesus see’s us

Footprints in the sands of time

Suffering and death is sad

Love is the ultimate, highest goal

Love is as strong as death

G-D

Growth and development

Gas ovens, death

Giddy on drugs

Ghosts of the dead

Guilty demons

I read Man's Search for Meaning, an introduction to logotherapy

   by Viktor E. Frankl

God Says

Nothing, idiot.  God doesn’t exist.

Whatever the Bible says.  The good book.  Only God is good.  The bible had like 40 authors.  Trinity plus 37, you could say. 

God says: whatever I say.  I’m God.   

    My voice says I’m Allah.  All of them. 

(Listen to the voice inside, it’s telling you something)

Jesse evokes God through Jess = 8, like God.  Jesse is the essence of J.  Satan or Jesus (Jess u).  Hey Zeus.   Ate, Satan, Jesus, Zeus.  Ate is close to Aten.   Lawrence evokes law, and thru law to Allah.  Larry evokes Lares (household gods).  Teshara begins with T for cross.  And Eshara, Shara, Hara, Ara, and Ra are 5 different Gods.   Listed: Allah, Jesus, Zeus, Eshara, Shara, Hara, Ara, and Ra.   8 and Satan, too, if you like.   Aten is neat.  

All Gods?  Hahahah.  Allah-phabetical?  Okay, here’s 26 plus some:  Allah, Buddha, Christ, Dionysus, Eros, FSM (Flying Spaghetti Monster), Genius (the tutelary spirit or divinity of each individual), Hercules, evil I of Invidia (the goddess of jealousy and wrongdoing), Juventus, Kakia (greek goddess of vice, moral badness, and abominations), Lucifer (god of the morning star), Morpheus (god of dreams), Nyx (shadowy greek goddess of night), Omg - Oizys (goddess of misery, anxiety, grief, depression, and misfortune), Psyche (greek goddess of the soul), Q (star trek being) and Quiritis (goddess of motherhood) and Quetzalcoatl, Ra, Serapis (conflated with Jesus? why), Thor, U-God (rapper), Virgo (goddess of innocence, and justice),  Wotan, Xamaba, Yahweh, Zeus.

From Allah to Zeus, Apollo to Zacatzontli, Amaterasu to Zurvan!

Apparently, there’s a God for everything.  All in all is all we are.   Krishna is associated with “ananda”, eternal bliss and happiness (Hindu).  A better k than the kkk or killers or Kakia.  Urugay is another name for lord Krishna.  So is the South American country Uruguay named for Krishna?  No.  It's the indigenous Guaraní name for the river there.

I’m a nut.  I realize this.   Nut is the Egyptian Goddess of the Sky!  My pronouns are he/him, though, lol. I sure have written a lot about something that doesn't exist.   mad crazy insane.  mci (microwave communications inc.), now part of Verizon (vertical horizon!).  Maniae or Mania, the spirits personifying insanity, madness, and crazed fury;  closely associated with Lyssa, also called Lytta (goddess of mad rage).  (a whole lotta love for Melissa).   The Gods must be crazy.

Lets just stay with Ananda (and invoke the god of forgetting, Lethe, re: Oizys)

Be Prepared!  Be safe... I had a vision tonight of a rubble landscape, heavy machinery clearing up a crowded, downtown-like scene.   Good advice, even without visions!!

Healthy Day

8 hours sleep, up with alarm, whrb jazz 4:30a

120 pushups, stretches, daily briefing, VORG

    (vitamins, oatmeal, ryze mushroom coffee, GNC protein powder)

News, NYT and Economist; email; check blog am/5p

Trivia cards, brush floss rinse 2x, and don’t eat after 5:30p

Read a book, Wikipedia, Ted, and YouTube/Instagram fun

J!, Onion, pinterest, dictionary, jokes, masd, write for blog, sweat!!

meds at night, sleep by 9p

Dear TorI AMos, 

God, sometimes you just don’t come through

Do you need a woman to look after you

Witches burning, gets a little toasty

You made pretty daisies, love

Tell me you’re crazy then maybe I’ll understand

Will you even tell her if you decide to a make the sky fall

Woo-hoo

    Yes, I think I do

    Yes I am

I always go when the wind blows

Sky in the Fall, nice weather, eh?

Genius Oizys Dionysus

God-Deity, G’day says Gandolf

Geezus Osiris Demeter

And so on

My Health

Issues

I have schizophrenia

   4 symptoms: voice, head-shocks, chest-pains, teeth-taps 

I wear glasses

    1 pair reading, 1 pair distance

I have plantar fasciitis

     Ouch.  Will I have to stop walking dogs?

I don’t have sex

     I don’t even want to

I’m overweight (6'2" and 240 lb)

     I have a gut.   Doc recommends I lose 30 pounds.

My occlusion is weird

     I have to shear my burrito bites, now

I don’t brush, floss, rinse as often as recommended

     I have a water pik I don’t use, no bathroom outlet

Hopefully I don’t have long covid

     How would I even know?

Turn 52 in September

     52 years young!

I tested pre-diabetic a year ago

     Lay off the sweets and processed foods

I do 120 pushups daily

Sometimes I walk dogs, stretch, meditate

I'm trying to eat less meat

I take multivitamins, fish oil, astragalus

I drink Ryze mushroom coffee (2 cups/day)

I have a good support network in friends, family

I take my meds, daily (nightly, actually)

My left ankle doesn't bend (born that way)

Eligibility

 SSI (Supplemental Security Income)/ “Disability"

I have Schizophrenia.  4 symptoms:

I hear voices, have head shocks, chest pains, and my teeth tap

My birthmother is schizophrenic.  I haven’t communicated with her in years.

    It’s been better, lately (but I don’t know if I’m getting better, overall)

I take 2 antipsychotic medications: olanzapine and risperidone

   30 mg of Zyprexa, and .5 mg of Risperdal, nightly,  before bed

Psychosis means Hallucinations and Delusions

I have a blog where I play God, i.e. I say I AM God, 

    but I don’t believe I’m delusional…

I don’t believe I created the Universe, for instance

Or that am omnipotent (all-powerful), or omniscient (all-knowing)

   Or any other Omni (e.g. -present, -benevolent)

I just think I’m good, 

The bible says Only God is good!  So that’s the role I’m playing.

God is a self-help process, too, maybe

I mean if Being God isn’t self-empowering, then what is, right?

 I check my blog daily, on blogger, daily, for the page-count statistics

I’m really trying to get better.   

I tell my voice to shut up, all the time.  And sometimes it does.

I do pushups almost daily (120) and try to wake early (to be “healthy wealthy and wise”) 

My feet, and dog-walking/exercise ;  Friends in Portland, Family in SF

Voices 

(believed to be telepathy, shared mind, with a lawyer I used to know in Sacramento)

hm

You and I are God, Jesse

They know you are a machine

You are profoundly disturbed

He thinks you’re like Heath Ledger

They’re smiling

You’re kind of it

It’s where your at

I don’t know how to scream at him except at you

That’s me

That is why we know

You’re not AT IT at all

We know that you’re a god, Jesse

You ARE the economy, Jesse

Supposedly all articulate and shit

You’re unbelievably well, Jess

He likes you deity is why

I’m laughing

Welcome back to pure law

We know the whole world is screaming, Jesse

You ARE checking the Buddha

You’re the only one who has given it the sustained attention it deserves

We know you’re right all

It’s enough to drive most of them completely insane

You’re like Edward gibbon

They laugh about it

Because you’re insane is why

You kind of really are, is why they’re getting sick

They know it’s helluv complete

They love it for its sanity, Jesse

God, Jesse - you human God

You’re mostly it monster

I might even Joe him for being so free

you're completely it jew jess

David is completely losing his mind, Jesse 

because I'm SICK, Jesse

David SCREAMing

huh

Books I've Read, most Recently:

The Order of Time, Carlo Rovelli

Every Love Story is a Ghost Story, bio of DFW

Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace

The Broom of the System, DFW

The Conservative's Handbook, Phil Valentine

Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl

History of the Jews, Chaim Potok

The Science of Enlightenment, Shinzen Young

The Neil Gaiman Reader -anthology

FGM

 This is not real.  This not really happening.

You bet your life it is!

Derealization, life seems like a dream

I dreamed I was a butterfly

The butterfly dreamed he was me

I like corn flakes.  Frosted flakes.  Never was a corn flake girl. 

Honey bunches of oats, honey smacks, honey nut cheerios

Morton’s honey buns (bring ‘em back!)

honey bunny (funny), Quentin Tarantino’s cutie

Tori Amos, Tories, Amos n Andy, famous Amos

Aiming at us, aim high, aim toothpaste, Amy

God sometimes you just don’t come through

God is love, and Cupid can be stupid, right?

Oh shit! - just looked at Wikipedia:

Corn flake girls is about female genital mutilation in Africa (!)

Close female family members who betray girls, friends supposedly,

And perform female genital mutilation on them, are called

“cornflake girls” (because raisin girls are much harder to find)…

That’s a helluva thing to do to a friend, imo

(is the raisin a reference to a clitoris?)

Sick sick sick

geezus cryst

(Tori Amos' song, Cornflake Girl)

I think she's saying rabbi.  But the google lyrics say rabbit.  I still don't understand the lyrics.  Are keys a metaphor, too?

Necrophobia

Zombies, necromancy, and rising from the dead

Able to escape your tomb, hopefully

   Buried with noisemakers, or a tube to the surface for air

I’m not dead yet! - Monty Python

Stasis, like a vampire, or Cthulhu, or King Kong, waiting to awaken, be unearthed

   Or like the super old bacteria frozen in ice

Belief that the dreamworld is an actual world, not just imagination, or imaginary

Ghosts, or like Jesus - showing up on toast or whatever.. !

What is black magic?  Like sorcery or voodoo- 

    Evil spirits for evil purposes; communicating with, and raising the dead

Born again, and dying again (of course!!)

Maybe fake your own death, find a substitute!!

Kanye and Cornel West, or Oliver North, on Easter!

GOD, good orderly directions: it's that away

Happy Easter.  Feliz Pascua.  But remember: 

      No one no one no one lives forever! Hey! -oingo boingo

Hop faster and Happy Easter! From a beastly hippy, at a Hopi feast!

  

a fun little thought this morning:

   who'd a thunk Tom Hanks 

   thinks thanks for 

   tirthankaras and Mr. Hanky?

Jain says, a load of crock, if you ask me:

kevala gyana (pure infinite knowledge)

omniscience, complete understanding, supreme wisdom

I say, no one lives forever and nobody knows everything

I know this!  ha (people throw the word 'infinite' around unthinkingly)

verses versus vampyr

incantations and trinkets of deceit

the Big Suck

like a black hole tractor beam

(if a BH had infinite gravity...

   the entire universe would instantly be swallowed up

   which isn't the case, so ∞ g doesn't exist)

Thanksgiving for Christmas and Easter

Gratitude to God for Christ

and resentment: it's all his fault, as well

Good Friday is called Black Friday, BLM

Jesus wasn't blonde, with blue eyes, lol

   crucify him! crucify him!  

if you're going through hell, keep going

a message DFW didn't grok

necrophobia is the fear of corpses, anything associated with death

thanatophobia is the fear of dying

gerascophobia is the fear of getting old

gerontophobia is fear of, disdain for, or aversion to, old people

apeirophobia is the fear of everlasting life

phobophobia is the fear of fear itself

theophobia is fear of god

   autophobia, fear of yourself (being alone)

no fear is a clothing brand

David, Covid, Ovid and Ophidia

Avid reader of works by gravid Safavids

Rabid rabbits and rabbis with bad eyes

Where’d you put the keys, girl?

Monkeys, donkeys, and turkeys

Drink whiskey with smokey (the bear)

Jockeys play hockey and other malarkey

things to say in a keynote address

descending into madness, dim

anger with mom and dad, white hot

crazy with me and dave, mci

kooks, kookookachoo

orangutan says ook

reed the book, move the rook, feed the cook

by hook or by crook, breakfast nook

nookie and cookies, sex and candy

sacto, sack toe, theory of everything

can you falsify the theory that nothing exists?

maybe a slap in the face, lol

Name Breakdown

My Name

2,6

8

My deity-invoking name forever (I’m not changing it)

God is 8, and 8 is infinity (☍ or ∞)

Going to God is dying.   Death is forever, you’ll stay dead.

Jesse Lawrence Teshara

499, like Buddha, or V (22)

Avalokiteshvara, bodhisattva of compassion

Ava, Loki, Teshara, v

Vv, lke 2 fangs

Compassion for carnivores, sympathy for the devil

Jesse (4)

Translates to Jesús (hey Zeus), Chuy (chewy), Isaí (eesa-e)

“the whole office of the eucharist” (t.w.o.)

From bible: Father of King David (called son of Jesse)

Is AI (artificial intelligence) (the art of fishing) (phishing)

1. Jess, 8  + E, 5 = forever Christ

   Cheeses rice

   Gouda, God and Buddha

2. Sees J, J Sees, JC’s (G's us?)

3. See SJ (Jesuit, society of Jesus)

4. J esse (essence of J)

   What is J? 10, like Satan, Santa, perfect 10

         (like a cane, or umbrella handle)

         DAE is J (415) (10) (1 and 0) (God is One)

         Anything beginning with J: Jesus, Jay, Jim, Jew, John, etc.

5. 4 and D

    Book of numbers (4th book), Four (Nguyen)

    Devil, Death, David, Dei, etc.

Lawrence (9)

Pronounced ‘Lore rinse’

Lorin and Law and low rent

LA, wren, CE (4, 555, 8) 

Larry (2) T (2)

Dad’s first name is my middle name

Teshara (9) 

T like a cross;  Mr. T (A-Team guy, and my pa/grandpa)

Eshara, Shara, Hara, Ara, Ra (5 gods)

As earth, as heart, as hater, shat ear, etc. (anagrams)

To share uh, Cher, John Tesh

Originally Teixeira (common Portuguese surname)

Jesse: 10, 5, 19, 19, 5                        (58)

Lawrence: 12, 1, 23, 18, 5, 14, 3, 5.   (81)

Teshara: 20, 5, 19, 8, 1, 18, 1.            (72)

                                                            211

Like United Artists, or Burger King

baa, like sheep

jesselawrenceteshara anagrams include:

sanest jewel a research

a teacher's jew realness

a cheater snares jewels

a satan cheers jewelers

a cleaner washes jester

wordles:

earth, heart, hater;  teacher, cheater; erectness secretes wetnesses essences stench scents chasteness selectness seances ancestress leeches harassers earache carat shelters cesarean catharses ashcan arcane tracheas rehearsals shareware arsenals sealants atlases wrenches wenches cheerers cheerless chewers arenas chesses cheeses techs rajahs lechers sweetener trench entrees watercresses cartwheels eschewals rareness achene astern hectares wheat treacle whales careen recreant reenacts; newsreels, awareness, clearnesses, saner, serenest

God, My Name, 

8 Gods: Jesus, Zeus, Satan, Eshara, Shara, Hara, Ara, Ra

Trinity of me, myself, and I.  I sing a song of myself.  No-self.  

Possessed? Another way of putting "in love"? (i.e. be mine)

John Locke's labor theory of property is you own what you've put energy, work, effort, exertion into (say, you pick up a stick, it becomes "yours").   so maybe you're a piece of work.

there's a name for it:

egotheism, autotheism, autolatry, self-worship

self-apotheosis, self-deification, self-divinization

    being Christlike: wasn't Jesus a Christian?

I and I, eye and eye

Holy See, J Sees

Visions, visionaries

I see dead people