Mee, moi

M 6/5

Listening to fire on the mountain, by Grateful Dead, live, from 1977.  Had my mushroom coffee.  Ate a shrimp burrito from the taco truck, earlier.  The quesabirria was good, but I like my chili relleno burrito the best.  Walked Snoopy n Shelby.  Patricia gave me some strawberries.   Delicious!  Life is good.   Unless you’re the homeless black woman, drunk and hungry and begging, out by the truck.  She’s yelled at me at least twice before.  So no soup for you.  It was fun to see Erin and Dan and Greg and Liz and Summer and Esme and Ben and Declan and Vicki and Mom and Rose Marie and Ant and Liz, and then Mike, for HOS, after.  I know this is boring.  What should I write?  Have I written everything?  Have I written nothing?

Long distance runner.   Geez.  I can hardly stand up.   I’m tired.   I only had one meal today.  Tomorrow, no dogs.  So I’ll go to bed in an hour.   It’s 7:25pm.   Kind of overcast today.  I know, I really am boring.   God can make my daze fun.  Just imagine the world you want into existence.  Then make it so.   Get on with it.  Just do it.  Git ‘r done.   Eat a ton and burn those calories.   Do the hypertrophy thang.  Lose the gut.  Sugar accelerates aging.  I bet metabolism has an effect on lifespan, too.  I heard somewhere that all life has the same number of heartbeats in their lifespan, on average.   So maybe hummingbirds have long lives, just lived faster than ours.   Senescence and aging are a result of cellular replication.  

I’ve got trivia and news and email and books and YouTube and Ted videos and J! And wikipedia and Britannica and pushups and burpees and jumprope and dancing and yoga and stretching to do.   Tomorrow is another day.  I’ve got absolutely nothing to do.  I don’t have to do a damned thing.   Except lose my goddamn gut.  Priority one, emergency, urgent.  I weigh 240.  I’m 6’1.   I should lose 30 pounds.  And gain muscle.  Sleep on, my friend.  I’m talking to myself.   At least I’m a friend of myself.  Some people hate themselves.  Nuts.  

Where do I want to travel to?  Alone? I feel almost dead.   Like a robot.   People are robotic.  Not a zombie.  I don’t want to eat people’s brains (or any other body part).  But I’m feeling less adventurous.  I still want to go to Japan.  Or across America on Amtrak.   Go to the Smithsonian and take my time.   NYC public library.  Shit, all the data I want is right here.   Maybe I won’t go anywhere.  You can’t always get what you want.  Maybe I don’t want anything.  All I need is right here, in Berkeley.   I can go to all the churches.  I should. 

 I still get new foods, sometimes.   But I like a lot of stuff I’ve already tried, if I don’t mind repeating myself.  I haven’t actually made a bucket list.

Get down to 220.  Actually, I could gain weight, just as long as I lose the gut.   That’s what I want.   I mean, I want to get big, but not fat.  Strength before size, though.   Lean and strong.    Feel good about looking in the mirror, you freaking vampire.  What have I become?  Do I see myself?   All the books in my room, all the churches in Berkeley, the whole menu of the taco truck!! Lol.  Variety is the spice of life.  Before you get eaten (by worms).   Wake up, sleepyhead!!  4:30am, hop to it.   When I see others, I usually feel good about myself.   So I’m not as radically into overhauling myself as I am (when looking in the mirror).

T 6/6

Good morning!  Up at 4:30a.   Bright and early.    Actually, it’s dark out.  Bright-eyed?  I actually want to rub my eyes a lot and maybe go back to sleep.  Bushy-tailed?  Don’t get me started.  I ate an apple with (crunchy) peanut butter.   Yum.  And I checked my blog statistics: excellent!  (almost 300).  Sexy house music on YouTube.  Back to bed in 15 hours.  No dogs, today.  I can achieve anything.  But not everything.  But I should always be doing something.   Not nothing.  This is close to nothing.  I’ll stop writing.   Ain’t worth a flea’s fart.  WHRB morning jazz, and VORG* eaten, and teeth brushed, flash briefing heard, and day planned: buy food, check blog stats 5p (already at 330), read news, nap, and pushups.  30% chance of rain in 2 hours (9a hour).   Maybe I’ll get a seaweed salad.  Candy for the jar?  I always eat it myself, so I shouldn’t.  Jazz is peppy.  I’ll exercise now.  It’s now 7a.  I read a little Economist, NYT awaits.  Fuck the news.  It’s like homework.  I should be doing fun shit.  Candy, seaweed, and writing.  Yippee.  Still robotic.  How do I escape my programming?  Write something new. 

*Vitamins, Oatmeal, Ryze (mushroom coffee), Gnc (or Gundry) 

Evening: did 140+ pushups.   Applied for YMCA membership.  It’s $64 monthly (single adult).  Hopefully $40, for my schizo ass.  I’ll hear back within 3 weeks.  Texted Greg, sent photos of 2 books for him and his.  Bought TJ’s food., and seaweed salad.  And candy (jellies) for my jar.  Blog got 447 page views today.  Only! Lol.   Meditated (sort of) for several hours.  Sat on the floor (on 2 cushions).  My legs got numb.  I think that’s how you know you’re doing it right.  At the gym, I guess I’ll go to bed tired and wake rrefreshed.  Not sure what other rules I should live by.   I’ve got the GNC powder.   THe lectin shield.  The time.  The willpower.  The discipline.  I am laser focused on losing this horrifying gut.   It’s do or die.  Spot reduction is a fallacy.   Up the metabolism, and just burn.  Swimming will be fantastic.   Splashing about is fun, too.    

W 6/7

Earned $100, spent $107 (on my bike, Trek store, brakes).   I have to go to the bank for cash, now.  I had a burrito and tabbouli for brunch.  I slept in, and ate after walking Snoopy and Shelby.  Went to Easy Creole for dinner.   Mushroom etouffe and gumbo.  The man at the register called me “love”.  Or maybe his pronoun is she, who knows.  Went to the bank, went to the UPS store, returned 2 library books.   Is this interesting?  I overslept again.  But my dreams were amazing.  

R 6/8

Up at 6:20a.   Another good day for my blog, already (665).   Blowing up, as they say.  Kaboom!   I’m up a bit slow (alarm was 5:30a), but eager to exercise/get stronger/lose some weight/belly fat/gut.  I wonder if I’m overweight or obese.   I’m either 6’1 or 6’2.   Sexual or asexual.  Alive or dead.  So on and so forth.  Stop typing, start moving…  Ahem.  

    Did a bunch of planks, 120 pushups, and shaved.  Took vitamins and Gundry pro-plant shake.   Shaved and brushed teeth.  I’m not hungry yet, so I won’t have my lectin shield/oatmeal (yet).  Waiting on the YMCA to (hopefully) approve my application.   I wonder if Greg has contacted them.  It’s 8a (772 page views).  Listening to whrb.  Same as everyday, Brain.  Song of myself is the current tune.  I feel good.  More planks! I do 30 second planks.  I always vibrate and shake, during.  Me and my flabby-ass belly.  I weigh exactly 240.  After eating, but without shoes.  Definitely a hat day.  Okay- jump into news, email, trivia, dictionary, etc.  I ate some gumdrops.  Of course.  They’re intended for visitors, lol.  I dropped off my 4 broken watches at the jewelry store.  Maybe they can use them.  I can’t, so maybe that was better than throwing them away.  And I bought a nova lox bagel sandwich from Noah’s, while I was there (on Solano), with a cookie, which I brought home and had with a pot of coffee (4 cups).  Mom inquired after my plantar fasciitis, and I told her it (the pain) pops up on occasion, but usually goes away quickly.  Anyway, my blog is over a thousand today (!), with around 5 hours to go.  And it’s sunny, so I’ll read my kindle outside, in the yard.   I'm out of dog treats.  Will buy at. next opportunity.  I found a tennis ball launcher, which I brought home.  Maybe Rover will play fetch with it.  Rover doesn't fetch.

F 6/9

Things to do in SL: (no books brought) pushups, planks, music, write, read (wikipedia, britannica, J!, emails, kindle), watch (youtube, ted, tv), chat GPT, eat peaches/pastor tacos, walk Rover, exercise library/archive, nap, meditate, exercises (burpees, jumprope, kettle bell, etc.), dance!   We walked for 50 minutes (out to under the naked woman and back), she pooped (Rover, not the woman), and I picked up the yard.  Zelled for the first time.   Had a can of cherry vanilla coke zero.  Listening wprb.   The message is, "do what you gotta do.  then, do what you wanna do."

library and books

pass the time, productive use of time (what isn't?)

curiosity, research, and education

entertainment and escape

knowledge, wisdom, understanding, truth, enlightenment

stimuli, information, data, creativity, dreams, worlds, book-larnin'

fact and fiction, vicarious experience, from other places and times,

other minds, brains, heads, authors, people, realities, to inhabit

the more you read, the longer you live (books are condensed time)

 

glib, get lost in books

bald, books are like drugs

ways into worlds, doors to dimensions, portals to planets

the pull toward pleasurable planetary places

read, reed, rede, Reid, Reede

hedspayce, exspand your mynd

I gott collij, i b smart, intelijint, whys guise

slap

 Hello world.  How goes? How art thou? For thine is the day, mate.  G’day.  Bidet?  So I sit here writing, wondering what to say.   I just force myself to type, and hope my brain stays ahead of my fingers.   I’m listening to techno.   Ah, the joys of computers.  I was vibrating with my woojer, earlier, but it ran out of juice.  I bought aloe vera juice from Trader Joe’s, out of curiosity.  It tastes gross.  It’s a health drink, and now I have way too much of the shit.  Anyway, I had a steak today.   Plus my lectin shield, before this morning’s oatmeal.   I looked at myself naked yesterday.   My gut is out of control.   I look like I’m freaking pregnant.  It’s disgusting.  So I have jumprope.   Do a couple hundred.   Plus pushups.   And planks.  And Arnold presses, with my vacuum.  And burpees.  And way too much sleep.  One pushup is less than one calorie, says google.  And stretch.   And my dumbbells for tricep extensions, bent rows, raises..   For the gut, for the core, I can do heel taps, and bicycle crunches, and passes (of say, a sleeping bag, from hands to between feet).   Get on with it.  Keep moving.  Caloric deficit.  Isometrics and shakes and dancing and vigorous movement, like knee lifts, and on and on.   There’s an exercise library online that I put on my favorites, with videos of each one.  My plantar fasciitis has gone away, mostly.   Just gut, gut, gut.    Geezus freaking christ.   It’s ridonkulous.   Is it because of my medications?  Shit.  A pound a week, the doctor said.  That’s doable.  Don’t eat 4 hours before bedtime.    So like 4:30p.  Early to bed and rise, sayeth Ben Franklin, from heaven.  The beat goes on.   I like to go through trivia cards with chat gpt at the ready, to query, dive deeper.  I like data.  I’m making myself a machine.  The cockroaches are back.  Living under my fridge.  Yuck.  Edgar asked if a friend’s “million dollar bill” was real.  I googled it.   Unfortunately, no.   Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.   They’re just novelty items, and they’re legal, because no one is that stupid.  Right? Lol.  So I’ve got a nice purple blanket I found, hand stitched, which gives my armchair a hint of royalty, or throne.  Well, not really.   But we can pretend.   I imagine the world treats  my divinity the same way I treat kings and queens in the encyclopedia, as trivial and hardly worth the effort to learn from, even an archaic fossil or archeological artifacts, in a way.   Some people are into it.  But most? No.    Well, my YouTube music has shifted to Grateful Dead.  There are deadheads, and there are godheads.  Ha.  You follow me? Lol.  

Next paragraph, stream of consciousness, unspooling thought, splashing into your brain, in the future (now is Saturday, June 3, 2023, 3:24p).   Jerry Garcia serenades me from the grave.  I should get crazy.   Lazy hazy daze of summer.  It’s not quite officially summer yet, although the weather is glorious.   Maybe I should bring my computer outside into the backyard for this.  Work on my tan.  I have sunscreen that I never use.  I need to put the computer on a surface.  Dr. Gundry’s diet evolution (i think he meant revolution) is lurking, unread, due back at the library in a couple weeks.  Man, I should have a steak every day.   That stuff is good.  I add a little bbq sauce, even juicier.  Hitler was a vegetarian.  So eat a steak and fight the nazis.   Or something.  Glad I’m not a cow.  Glad to be human.  Wanting to be more.  With less of the belly.  Jelly bellies?   NO.   Not until I lose 20, 30 pounds.  I’m going outside.   See if that works.  So nice out.  Ah, yes.  Perfect.   Warm my bones.  Skin, I mean.  In the corner of the property, by the apartment that burned, next door, awhile back.  Are they gonna fix it up?  My head is in the shade - and I have a baseball cap on.   Very nice.   Very is a part of slavery.  Tex Avery.  Slavery was very slayer.   Glad the wifi reaches out here.   The old office chair leans back, comfortable.   Tomorrow is dinner in San Francisco.  BART both ways?  Or uber one or two.  Huh.  I’m bringing the astronaut food and BFG book for the kids.  Then Hearts of Space at 10p with Mr. Mike.  He doesn’t want to learn chess.   I offered to teach him.  Suit yourself.  

Pair of paragraphs, on to three by the tree.  Thoughts drip, ever so slowly.   I had honey on a croissant last night.   Tasty.  I ate my cobb salad before bed, too.   I disobeyed the doctor.    But I think it’s still good to eat only when you’re hungry.   Different rules.  Rulers measure things.  How much drool?  How many fools?  How cruel?  What amount of gruel?  Chacmool at the pool.  A dual stool.   Anyway.  I don’t see any blackberries on the bush.  Someone is mowing their lawn.  Bob and Moe.  Rhyming gets stupid, sometimes.  Raps can be annoying, too.  Well, I’m done.  Not sure if this is blogworthy.   Well, there’s been worse.  What did the supreme court say?  Artistic or literary merit?  Political or scientific, too.  Slap your pals!

the parson person knows about Porsenna

the reason for raisins, riesens, and rising roses

cum and Gough, hear here, their they're there, where wear ware

MOE

A deep, dense, discussion on God

Data-dancing for discovery of the devil

The opposition doesn’t have to be exactly opposite

Only god is good.   So only the devil is evil.  Does that follow?

Everybody else is in between, on the spectrum.  Gray.

What am I? Love-bliss with myself, my computer, my books

Of course, if we grant freedom to either, 

   the devil can be godly, and god diabolical

Unless, one, their behavior defines the terminology

and/or, there is no good or bad

Or it’s all good (seems like nobody says it’s all bad)

   Depression, misery, hopelessness is clinical, prompting medication

   Positivity, optimism, hope (a clinical state, too?) 

Or, one man’s trash is another’s treasure (subjective morality) 

Or, one culture’s good is another’s evil (different places, times)

Or, God can make good of anything, don’t worry about it

God is make-believe (if you’re made to believe), pretend (pre-ten)

When you get older, God is to adults what Santa is to children

Real, but not?  Only real in a weird way

Like radio waves, or other things you can’t see

A social construct (like Shiva, for social destruction?)

Reality is a Mess Of Everything, equanimity is impossible -

Who can tolerate torture? Satiating satan’s thirst for blood

Sinners and saints, demons and role models, actors

No self, just playing roles (all the world a stage)

Heaven and hell are stages, too

Paradise California and Hell's Kitchen, Hell Norway

Shut the funk up

Genius thoughts

We’re bubbles.  Ephemeral.  So do what you want, before you die.  You only live once.  No regrets.  Everybody is in the same boat.   Global village.   We’re animals, on a planet experiencing an extinction event.  Respect one another.  Be good, kind, compassionate.  God is all-powerful.  God is love.  Don’t worry, be happy.  Look good, feel good.  Just say no.  Love thy neighbor.  Thou shalt not kill.  Life is good!  Go to bed tired, wake refreshed.   Early to bed, early to rise, makes you healthy, wealthy, and wise.  Only eat when you’re hungry.  Sex, food, music, movies, books, nature, exercise, variety, and friendship.  Live and learn.  Try different religions.  Travel the world.  Sweat.  Get stronger, better.  Make each day better than the last.  Seek growth and progress and improvement.  Love life.

Stupidity

Get hooked on drugs.   Eat a ben and jerry’s every day.  Drive fast, without a seatbelt.  Break the law, be a criminal.  Make enemies.  Eat lots of meat, hunt, and kill things.  Be fat, ugly, mean, and always oversleep.  Life is hell.  Make others suffer.  Make the world into a stinking, dangerous, cesspool of poverty and hatred.  Drink and gamble away all your money.  Be selfish and untrustworthy and stupid.   Blow up the outside world.   Hate life and commit suicide. 

Self and Reality

Life, The Universe, and Everything

God and religion, society and culture

theology, anthropology, sociology, geography, history

Psychology and psychiatry, therapy and psychoanalysis

The many selves and roles of Me myself and I, I and I

   and biblical Us, royal We, pronoun Them

   Multiple personalities, and schizophrenic split mind

      (ego, id, superego, eros, thanatos)

   Plural self, what I am isn’t what I was, nor what I will be

      (bible: Elohim, Genesis 1:26 and 3:22) 

      (non-binary/genderqueer)

      (royalty/monarch/sovereign) 

      (nosism, like gollum, or rastafarians, or borg)

         or an agent/representative (democratic, diplomat, etc.)

USA, UN, United airlines, G-unit, reunited, reunion, communion, unions

Heehaw, ho hum, his holiness, happy and healthy, heaven n hell

Clean, straighten, organize, form/content, sweep dust and vacuum, wash clothes/dishes

Cleanliness is next to godliness, purity

Go to the bathroom, wash your hands, brush your teeth, comb your hair, wash your face

shave, shower, shit, brush, wash, flush

Sacred Heart Institute of Technology

Shoot the shit, and flower power in the shower, happy hippies

Dopy Hopi, Winston at Princeton, Churchill at the birch mill

Keep showers short, don’t shower for an hour

     Greetings, humans, earthlings, AI’s, presidents, premieres, prime ministers, and popes-  

To whom it may concern (all sentient life forms): you are all deluded, ignorant, and stupid.  You are sick and twisted.   You are idiotic morons and fools.  There is no hope for you, none whatsoever.  You will all die and return from whence you came.   Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  A flash in the pan.  Like fireflies, that shine, then fall to the earth.  

     I come from Outer Space, far far away.  I have travelled for many moons.  My purpose is to warn you of impending catastrophe.  Your planet is a cosmic disaster.  Just kidding: You’re at the top of the heap.   The whole universe wants to move in.   And therein lies the problem.  The Gorkonians of Alphalon 5 have their sights set on your planet.  You must prepare.  They are in star system G1798351, and are due to arrive within the next glpalorg.    

    Gleebleglor and I survived their invasion of my home planet, and have come to assist you with our culture’s wisdom, technology, and mastery over Nature.  The Gorkonians must not be permitted to repeat their depravity!

 CW confucian warm-heartedness, jiu

Juice, Jew ss….holy shit

Shit.  Shiite.  Xi-ite.  Sunny sunni.  Goofy sufi.  

Sufijan stephens.  St stephen

Sicks sicks sicks

Mother daughter and unholy spirit

Sitar, guitar, and eid al fitr…. Git r done

In an inne

Inane NIN

Onanism n’ nuns

Anne n’ Janine

What’s Inside Me

Breath

Idealism, hatred, and bone/blood/guts

God, the devil, and my parents

memories, memes, and me myself and I

A brain, consciousness, drugs

What I eat less what I excrete

No shit

What’s In My Room

Trivia cards/books, music/echo, a jumprope/dumbbells, and fridge/food

A vacuum I use like a kettlebell, and my blog (printed)

Tech toys

My computer, bone conduction headphones, a woojer, a speaker

Kindle, iphone, tablet, printer, digital alarm clock

TV/dvd player I almost never use

Everyone on earth should have easy access to clean water, libraries

There should not be hunger, want, starvation, famine, war, plague

Stupid satan should go somewhere and suck eggs,

And everybody should be happy

Cocaine, heroin, acid, meth, pot - for all!

Consensual heterosexual adult marital procreative (sex), too!

Don’t miss out on bliss, champ

   don't believe the hype!

piety and sobriety vs. nullibiety

quiet riot about diet at Hyatt 

Tasty food, good conversation, friends and family

Love ones, love and lust, sex and massage

Lit

 Life is trivia

Trivia is life

Nothing is trivial

You nitwit

What is important?

I am poor to an ant

What is rich? (besides Richard)

A piece of carrot cake

Hypocrisy, like God being evil

Who are the poor in spirit?

Not much sexy-time, spearing it 

plus,

G-D and GOD

Geena Davis, Great Deeds

gorillas (in) decline

glutton (for) octopus dish

God's ordinances/decrees

Islam, St. Louis Missouri, Anselm

    Carlos Slim slams slums

Buddha, gouda, Judah, barracuda, and doo-dah!

JLT, (my initials), and Jesus' Life and Teachings

one can be hateful but nonviolent

I believe in free speech

hateful and potentially inciting speech, included

just as cars/guns don't kill people, words don't hurt, either

   responsibility lies with perpetrators, 100%, I think

Allah and all law (la la la!)

types of law: civil, criminal, sharia, canon, international, natural, martial, rules of the game(s), laws of war, of the sea, etc.    constitutional, administrative, common (case), customary, religious, state, federal, foreign, regulatory, family, labour, intellectual property, immigration, property, commercial, corporate, tax, environmental, public, health, contract, admiralty, entertainment, insurance, tort...

c-law, chad law, claw, santa claws, laws of the c:  

civil, criminal, canon, constitutional, common, case, customary, commercial, corporate, contract, ...  :-)

I've read the following Dave Eggers books

1. What is the what (2006)

2. The Monk of Mokha (2018) 

3. The Circle (2013)

4. Heroes of the Frontier (2016) - on deck -

5. The Parade (2019)

athletes and aesthetes

a petrel in the petrol

testing protesters

condemning dems

Bayou, and bye, you

amphibians live a double life (no fib)

reptilian reputation

Cecilia the Sicilian caecilian

toad trucks, crusty crustaceans

waiter, there's a salamander in my salad

Charlotte the harlot

AI, giving advice and instruction

mm, mammal meat

giving him your back vs. taking him back

mma mamma

gay innuendo on a train- if you want, you can have my seat

of late

I've discovered encyclopedia britannica on my local library webpage

it has child's, teen's, and adult versions

I like the children's!  it lays things out clearly

    I can learn what I should have back in the day (plus review)

simplicity

see, hear, smell, taste, touch

read, watch, listen, eat, exercise, sleep, write, talk, create

work, play, meditate, do nothing

(past, present, future) live, die

v

you are a bit of a data-dancer

you could launch it absolutely perfect, jess

Reaction Formation

 The Most Moral is Actually the Worst?

An Insane bit of Philosophy

Everything is one giant ball of wax.   It’s all gravy.  Reality is all the God there ever is.  All-1.   All polarities are delusion.  Good and evil are both and neither.  We are all objects, things, items, matter, mass, bodies.  Like trees or rocks.  We are only animals.  Animals eat each other, all the time.   And it’s good!   Nature is red in tooth and claw, and so are we.  I have compassion for the “worst” criminals.   We are all destined to die, and all is therefore permitted.  Nature is constantly at war.   Rush sings about trees fighting for sunlight.  Ants go to war, too.  Some species are cannibalistic.  Spiders eat their mates.  Evolution is survival of the fittest.  We serve no inherent purpose, other than to survive and reproduce, avoid pain and seek pleasure.  We are just DNA, chemicals, tubes.   Like every other animal, we eat and excrete, live and die, grow and return to dust.   It’s really not complicated, and in fact very simple.  God is the devil.  The devil is God.   Both are both.   And neither in fact exist.  So there it is.  You grok?  You can play any role you want.  They say it’s all good.  You can therefore be as “evil” as you like.   All is forgiven.  We understand.  Life is just a dream.  Like any other movie.  You can be a zombie, a ghost, a demon.  You can be Sauron, Voldemort, Cthulhu.   You can be Ant-man or a SF Giant.  You can be Stalin or Hitler or Pol Pot or Mao.  Mean like Idi Amin, grr like Anton Chigurh.   You can be Hannibal Lecter or Patrick Bateman or a stealthy silent unseen ninja in black.  It’s all the same thing as having a steak for dinner or aborting an unwanted fetus.  You can be yourself.   Be down with your bad self.  Do what thou wilt.  No regrets.  Karma doesn’t exist, perhaps.  So kill and be killed isn’t necessarily the operative maxim.  We all die, anyway - eventually, is what I’m saying.   All this is so obvious.  This is the genesis of religion.

    Lawyers and priests and parents and martial arts instructors etc. are all doing their damnedest to counter this evident truth, and scare us into submission, cooperation, and conformity to “civilized” and “virtuous” standards of behavior.  Me, too, actually.  But if you want to try and be above the law, that’s your prerogative, is all I’m saying.  America is swimming in guns.  So good luck with that.  May the force be with you.  Dark side or light.  You believe in that shit? Ha!  You wanna be Killmonger or The Joker or Andrei Chikatilo or Stephen Paddock?  You wanna be like Albert Fish or Jeffrey Dahmer?  Everything has consequences, and Prison ain’t fun.  So that’s the flip side of that coin.  But if you’re suicidal, then God help us all.  Right?  And I’m wondering if being alive is really all that different from being dead, actually.   Some people live lives that are worse than death.   Death is an improvement.  This essay is getting crazier and crazier.  Keep it simple, stupid.  If your Thanatos is driving you crazy, join the military, I guess.  Your country wants to channel your psychopathy into a “healthy” outlet that protects our society (and you get to kill strangers!).  Or, if you’re schizo like Einstein, you can be super pacifist, but help build nuclear bombs that kill hundreds of thousands.  Hiroshima killed 140k and Nagasaki killed 74k.   This doesn’t include the leukemia, cancer, and other radiation effects.  Me?  I just write.  That’s harmless, right?   It’s what we all think, anyway.   Is any of this actually new or novel?  I didn’t think so.