GOD zilla and Cop ernicus and In Vino

 The darkest, most evil and wicked, sinful and depraved, monster from the depths of hell, burst from his underworld captivity, with a ferocity and malice never before seen on the earth-realm.    First, the freeway developed sink holes, and radiating cracks, and tongues of flame came licking out of fissures in the cement, concrete, asphalt, pavement.   Then screaming voices in a discordant kind of cacophony tormented the ears of anyone with ears to hear.   Finally, THE BEAST  Himself.   Bigger, possibly, than a sperm whale, the Colossus - on par with Godzilla, you could say-   exploded into the lives of hapless commuters and upended life on earth as we know it,  for all, forevermore.    He unfolded his wings, gave them some trial flaps, and proceeded to breathe fire and rain destruction down on anyone and anything in his path.   

———-

Well, hello there again, gang!   How goes?   How went that drunken orgy of madness I heard about in the grapevine?   You know, those talking grapes.    Very social, those fruits.  Either tell me what you know, or I masticate you into pulp and juice and swallow you whole!  Don’t tell the other grapes that I’m going to eat them, anyway, no matter what (OR NOTHING!) they say.  Don’t whine.   In vino, veritas.  V no.  hmm.

————

The kindest cop, the most forgiving police officer, building community and relationships, and giving all delinquents up to strike 3….   With a charitable understanding of the law, and an open and even enlightened understanding of society and antisocial tendencies, making clear that there is a line, and once crossed, there will be adverse consequences, nobody to blame but yourself, so you better be good, you better not pout, or cry, cuz he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake!

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weird linguistic observation:   On our Heads 

    are Hair, Hats, Hoods, Helmets, and Halos!    huh.   happy happy joy joy.

the happiest trinity:  

good morning beautiful.  good afternoon hottie.  good evening sexy.

Trump eats turnips!  says JD Vance, being deviant

'Canada Dry' ginger ale was named by a Canadian pharmacist, because his ginger ale was less sweet than other brands, in the same way as wine.    :-).    Canada, in fact, holds around 20% of the global fresh water reserves!!!   

B-boys and Ork - kids and chilly children of apparent parents

devil's oven and God's heaven (Hell's Kitchen without leaven?).  oh thank heaven for 7-11!   (I bought a red apple, a slice of pepperoni pizza, and a package of peanut M&M's from them, yesterday.    :-)

possibilities, tentative list, of things for K and I to do (together):  walk or bike to the library,  read aloud to each other, walk anywhere (SF hikes?), toss a frisbee around, go to Cal Campanile, ride the bus, go to IR (Indian Rock), bike to store (Trader Joe's, Berkeley Bowl West), go to a restaurant / taco truck, go to Benicia, Zz.    Jumprope, Bodyrok....   do origami, Joe Frank , comedy...

Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve?    Then why is it Paul n' Nate?  Pollinate is the way of the birds and the bees.   No way.   Way!    YHWH!

And, the longer your telomeres are, the longer you live (?).   So astragalus lengthens your telomeres!!    And, sugar, shortens!    It's astragalus vs. jelly bellies!   Astragalus doesn't stand a chance....     don't mind me, I'm ignorant.  Enjoy life.   Get your fix of sugar, for fun.

Update on me

Downdate on you?

Hello everyone.   Hi everybody.  Greetings, All.    I am kind of a different person, now.    I’m still taking lithium (900mg/pm) and invega trinza (1/3mo),  but now I’m also just starting clozapine.   Plus fun things like amlodapine, stool softener, and docusate.   Docusate is the red pill.    If you bite into it you get a nasty surprise.   I’ve been feeling weak, unsteady.  At one pointt I thought I might fall, just waliking to my room.   My hands have been shaky.   My writing has turned to chicken scratch.   I’ve been nauseous.  300 mg. of clozaril, … I have been staggering around, oversleeping, and am definitely wondering if I am overmedicated.    I go for weekly bloodwork, to monitor the clozapine, for 6 months, then every 2 weeks for the next 6 months.  I've been warned about too much sugar.

 

I missed my night dosage last night.   I’ve been sleeping a lot.   But I feel much better today (Sunday 7-27).   I need a pillbox.   And a container for all my obsolete medication.    This is not rocket science.   

I’m reading Crying of Lot 49 by Pynchon, about halfway through.   I’ve been guzzling down lemonade, gatorade, vitawater, Starbucks coffee, the occasional red bull.   Thirsty.

I’m losing weight. Like 18 pounds over 3 months.   Not as hungry.   Twix, Doritos seem kind of gross.   I still like a Coke, tho.  

K is really low-key which is helpful as I adjust to the meds and how the meds make me feel.  We’re both really sleepy.    Our room looks really good.    I think we need to get some more storage bins to clear out space.    The minimalist aesthetic .   HOS tonight (Sunday 10p- Mid) on KALW.   

sushi, amen

she men

a damsel fly named Denzel

ceviche in Seville

there's to be, thirsty bees!

Gorgons eating Zola

Good Day,  everyone.  It’s lovely weather here in Berkeley, not too hot, not too cold.   I bought 9 mochis, and a breakfast burrito (vegan chorizo).   Plus some Sprite and 4 giant peaches.  It’s mellow and relaxed at home; we’re doing laundry, and texting family.   Tonight is HOS.   I read the Crying of Lot 49, and started reading Spanish (dictionary, grammar).   My landlord Edgar invited me to go to his home in Acapulco.   I have yet to refill the bird feeder in the back yard.   The peach trees are in bloom.   But half the yucca tree felll over.   It’s nice to sit in the yard, in the sun, with or without a cigarette.   This week I’m expecting a fun package from Amazon.   It’s fun to immerse in spanish, speech, radio, tv, books, magazines, and of course just plain old thought.

Buenos dias, todos!  La clima aquí es muy agradable, ni bastante caloroso ni bastante frio.   Compré 9 mochis, y un burrito de desayuno sin carne.    Y Duraznos!   Qué maravilla!

So I'm adjusting to my new medication regimen, and the tense and nervous,  nausea and anxiety, unsteady trembling,  chicken scratch handwriting,  feeling like I'm about to falll just walking to my room, feeling overmedicated is going away, although I'm a long ways off from being able to do 200 pushups, etc.   I've lost a lot of weight.   I'm eating enough, though.   Trying to lay off of the sugar, and eat some solid (minimal meat) nutrition, like say the GNC protein powder, ripe peaches, and occasional taco truck fare.

jesst

 Jesse Lawrence Teshara (Stollnitz).    

I grew up at the intersection of Darien and Manor, in SF.    I.e.  Gulf Of Darien (GOD) and LORD of Manor.  Jesse is Jesús, and Teshara is Eshara, Shara, Hara, Ara and Ra!   Evokes Avalokitesvara, and Chuy (pronounced Chewy).   And Jest.

I’m crazy!  I just ate a bag of nuts!   

This made me psycho enough to drink some (ice cold) milk (mil k?  A thousand kills?) 

And don’t get me started on the DoritOS   Operating System!

Am I surrounded by space aliens?   Or just illegal aliens?   Far out, man!

Everybody on the earth-realm has their genesis here, if you ask me!  Aliens that know the law about liens?   Weird thought.

History:  Was Einstein a Grey?  (weird dehumanization), he only wore grey, the story goes.

How much of Reality is Applied Mathematics?

“trippin’ ballsz” (gonads, bubbles, etc.):   is water really alive?

Cobra head faucets, poke it in the eyes for it to spit some shit (well, water)

Holy socks, Batman!

V for versus, victory, victim

Vicki and Tim, I need a Hennessy, I need a Guinness.     Habits nun.   

Drunks get drunk, sometimes (literally).    Je’ suis juicy Jesse, JC!     Jose Cuervo

Mushroom bar, The Philosopher’s Club, a “black magic” at Applebee’s (alcohol nightmare), psycho about fruits, vegetables, and meat.     AA - abstain from alcohol, and  build a community, and A LIFE.    No Smoking, either.   Absolute Rule.

God is an alcoholic.    Drinks to get drunk.   AA, Just Do It.    Just say no.   Sane and sober.   Life is crazy.    Like speaking in tongues, and role-play as a vessel-body inhabited by a Deity!     

Infinite Jest,  The Book -   and “Alligators”.    Alligators are scary.

Gore names:   Gregory, Al Gore, and Gore Vidal (and Igor)

The sexual basket case decided to put the lotion in the basket…. (playing with fire at the psych unit)

Larry, Dad, Mr. T  on a power trip (PT), and Peggy playing aggravation to Aggravate, not win.    Dad who threw me in the pool, popped like a bubble.   

How’s TV?   How’s VT? (!!!!) 

Things you can do in a room.    Read, Watch, Listen, Eat, Exercise, Sleep, Write, Talk, Create, Work, Play, Meditate, Do Nothing, Pray, Reflect/ Introspect, Sit, Stand, Learn, Teach, Move, Stand, Stretch, Jumprope, Isometrics, Lunges, Pushups, Bicycle Crunches (standing up, or on ground), Keep Log of Activity (reps, sets).   Enjoy the Silence.   Love.  Fight.   Rituals.   Origami.  Chess.  Checkers.   Tic-tac-toe.  Craft cards.   Darts.  Learn magic.   Collect Jokes.  Service.  Sweat.  Bodyrok.   Shstt (see hear smell taste touch, Perceive).   Internal diagnostic.   Count.   

Self-compassion.   Have broken right toe, for like 20+ years (stubbbed) (received no attention).   God-players.  There are many of us.   I had a concussion, maybe?   I need new glasses.    My ear is fine, I think, and my throat, too.   I was suicidal, for once, actually, which is hard for me to imagine how this happened (i thought I was immune to that).  Kelli seems to think the real me is Hated, and I should smoke cigarettes. 

I am older than Richard Stollnitz when he died.   Annette has been dead like 3 years, I believe.

by special request:  the psychology of color-

roygbiv

red.   read.   there is a book called 'red'.    Chinese wedding dresses are red.   blood, of course.   republicans and bloods (vs. crips).  red lights and red curbs and strawberries and red meat.   red apples, magenta, crimson, etc.

orange.  delicious.  range of o.  actually does kinda rhyme with porridge.   are oranges and bananas appealing to you? ha.  

yellow.  yell ow!   the sun.  it was all yellow.   mellow yellow.   hello.   between red and green.

green.  the color of Nature (chorophyll).   Green (inexperienced) and the Green Party, and green-eyed monster (jealousy).  Greens, good for your diet.   Green leafy vegetables.  Green is a surname.  My favorite color.

blue.  sky.  bleu cheese.  Democrats.  blueberries.  blue man group.  blue meanies.  

indigo.  the indigo girls.    indie rock.   

violet.   purple.    Harrold and the purple crayon.   One eyed one horned flying purple people eater.  

brown, black, white, grey-  like skin colors and races and stuff, but also cool sartorial choices, for all the folks wanting to look like chess pieces or whatever.   Anywhere from monochromatic to bold, vibrant, iridescent, and psychedelic.   dull or shimmering.   naked or nude :-)

if you have a t-shirt collection with 7 different solid colors, maybe you might want to try the experiment I did in college-   Sunday yellow, Monday green (Monday was GreenDay, before the band - what did THEY mean by it?*), Tuesday blue, Wednesday (indigo, purple, violet), Thursday red, and Friday orange.    People DID seem to "see red" on Thursdays....   It was really more of a way to remember what I did on which day of the week, like a memory trick.

* 'Green Day' comes from a day spent smoking marijuana, lol.

Fancy Words for Body Functions

 sneeze,      sternutation

sweat,        perspirate

shit,            defecate

piss,            urinate

cry,             lacrimate

bleed,         sanguinate

spit,            expectorate

burp,          eructate

blink,         nictitate

fart,            flatulate

:-)

a whole lotta hola!

Cool stick

 I think it looks like an alien wiping its butt.    Good for the bathroom.   My girlfriend thinks it's being held back.    I like it, whatever it is!    It makes me happy.

Thought on Insanity

Sum Thawt on Being a Cashew

just kidding.   Cashews aren't really nuts.  Ha.

Sanitize your sanity!  Insane people have dirty minds?   I'm crazy about you.   You filthy slut.   Let's roll around in the dirt.   Are you into coprophilia?  Ewww.  lol.   

If you're sane, however, you grok The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (?).   Or you have pure thoughts.  Or you've been brainwashed.   Or you're a pure something (psychopath? saint?).   You can be a pure soul with a pure heart and still be a pure psychopath??   Does anybody know what we're talking about?

A shrink

Shrunken heads, from the Tsantsas of the Amazonian rainforest, is the origin of psychiatrists as 'shrinks', I think.    It was a 3 part process:  remove the skin, boil, and "further process" (whatever that is).   It was about warrior power, and enemy subjugation.    Psychiatrists "reduce" mental problems, but the term is derogatory.    I think of flaccid members, too (and Big, on Sex and the City). 

The worst psychiatric problem, the most serious mental illness, is generally thought of as Schizophrenia.   I had an interesting thought in the shower today.   What if schizophrenia were de-pathologized, just like Homosexuality was?   Why should something you just ARE be considered sick, ill, diseased (i.e. pathologized)?   I mean, some of us are healthy.   In other words, we've adapted, enjoy ourselves, love life - and consider it telepathy, or spiritually open.    I sometimes wonder if everyone is in some way Schizophrenic.   Voices are basically just a conversation.   If you can control it?  If you can turn them off?   When people talk to God (pray), who are we/they really talking to?  Or, when you talk to yourself?  Weird.   

Medication has helped me.   At least, I think so.   Who knows if I'd have been better without them.   Anyway, I wonder if diagnosing people (maybe you should reconsider telling a psychologist one of your parents is schizophrenic) is just part of a conspiracy for Pharmaceutical Company Profit.   I don't actually care all that much.   I'm enjoying my life.  But if your voice is a friend....

It's not an illness IF:    1.  Your longevity is not impaired.     

                                    2. You're happy

                                    3.  You don't need medications - to survive, to function, to be well, to thrive/ love.

Final note:  Life itself is a "disease", with 100% mortality - we all die from it.  (a new slant on the phrase, Sick Of Life).    Maybe it's upside down, and ordinary life is Sick, and some of society's "sickest" are the least delusional.   Just a thought.   Food for thought.  Einstein said the definition of mental illness is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.  Also, everyone with a voice has a voice.   Politicians like to say they're giving people a voice.   You want to find your voice.   Businesses use "invoices".   Silence of the Lambs has the line, "You don't want Hannibal Lecter in your head."  Listen to the little voice in your head.   The Dead Milkmen, sing 'There's a little man in my head'.   the Bible says, Do you not know that you are not your own?  (Maybe being possessed is worse than being schizo!).  Oral sex is sometimes having someone in your head.   Schizophrenia means literally "split mind" but psychotherapists commonly split the mind into components (like ego, id, superego, thanatos, eros, etc.).   The 5 personified emotions in the Disney movie Inside Out are: Fear, Anger, Disgust, Joy, and Sadness. 

Talking to yourself.   I'm writing this blog to myself.   I mean, I want everyone to read it.   But I'm thinking it onto the blog by myself, in "dialog" with whoever might prospectively read it in the future, and engage with me about it.   Writing is a bit crazy, no?   And the term "myself".   Maybe you have a single idea of what your Self is, to the exclusion of God knows how many Other Selves.   Maybe some things are best left unsaid, unthought.   I've always thought the phrase "never mind" was absolutely Nuts.  I love to think.  (Pretty sure it means "don't be bothered", not "don't use your mind").

On the current Madness about fascism, and imperialism, like Sauron spreading his evil like a black cloud across the globe...  Aren't we all connected to everything, already?  Interconnectedness, as they say.  Always have been and always are and always will be.   It's just the way things are.   The best, worst, richest, poorest, most virtuous, depraved, and big, little...  We're all in this giant ball of wax together, and I believe Million Watt Babies have as much power as Trump or Musk.   Maybe I'm wrong.   

"Counterfactual" as misinformation, disinformation, misleading, delusion, lies, error, fiction, falsity, untruth, distortion, and mischaracterization.  (!).    Alternative facts, lol.

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aside:   Good job, Gujarat!  Reduced redoing.   Damon the demon from Mendocino.   Tina S is a saint, Santa!  J'suis juicy JC, Jesse.  Josie from Jersey likes JayZ and Jeezy.   Whiskey whisperer.   Finally fine.  Persuasion to buy an asian purse.     Slow Sleepy Boring Hypnotic Music.    There's no rhyme or reason, no reward or punishment, to good or bad, health or disease, safety or crime.  It's random luck.   Chance, serendipity, and kismet.  I can only imagine that God only knows.   God makes things right, (but it always already is?).   Open up the Heavens?  Infinite space is somehow Closed??  The light of natural reason, and the darkness of hell.   Tik Tok, tick talk, hey this is good blood!  Much ABO about nothing.   What is the point of just saying words?   Just noise!  Like crows cawing.   Caw!  This is the word of the lord.   Pick a book, peekaboo - library ghosts.    Indivisible and invisible.  Hi, steak!  High-stakes criminals.   Fellatio and falsetto.   Ingenious and ingenuous.   Orgasm organizations.  Sex for six?  Fake fux for fickle folks.  Orgasm dot org and cum dot com.  GatorAIDS, lol.

Banality of Evil

Banality means it’s boring, trite, everyday, commonplace, unremarkable… How sad.

The Horrible Things We Fantasize About….   There are movies like Kill Bill, etc.   We like our superheroes to beat up on the bad guys.   We are all positively insane about vengeance.   Loopy Lou and Mad Madden and Insane Zane, ate Crazy Crayfish (and nuts).   Darth Vader and The Emperor say to Let the Hate flow through you.  Our minds are private, and we imagine all kinds of private things to help us cope.   Like using the force to make things fly through the air or whatever.   Life is full of indignities, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, things that make you go gr.   If you hurt painfully enough, or for long enough, you want justice, revenge, payback, karma, even pain, on the perceived perpetrator(s).   It’s enough to impart compassion for the most heinous criminals, actually.  I mean, I understand, at least.   Every single one of us, the devil inside, sang INXS.    Personally, I am completely, utterly, totally fed up with head shocks.   Enough.  I feel judged, tormented, and aggravated, unjustly.   It’s kind of a nightmare.  But if my tormentor were to be karmically afflicted with a right and just (proportional) retribution, I would have to admit maybe anticipating some pleasure from that idea.   I would have my satisfaction.   Life should not be, as Buffy said in BTVS, a “big sucking thing,”   full of malice and resentment and misery and depression and thirst for blood / vengeance.    It should be happy, fun, entertaining, sexy, and alive.   No wonder people get twisted.   Victims should not be savage and terrifying.   There shouldn’t be severe childhood abuse, and deep-seated hate for one’s own identity.  Matt Groening titled his comic, Life is Hell.   Ha, funny.   Militaries should not exist.  Nuclear weapons and flamethrowers should not exist.   A God who is the Source of All Goodness should not be a hypocrite who says Thou Shalt Not Kill, but is documented in the biblical murders of 2,821,364 people (sinners, presumeably).  We should not all be conditioned to Learned Helplessness.   Crime should not exist.  Meditation hardly seems like the solution.   I think it can be, though.  (“Meditation is the process whereby we gain control over the mind and guide it in a more virtuous direction.   Meditation may be thought of as a technique by which we diminish the force of old thought habits and develop new ones.” -Dalai Lama).  So, first mind, then character, then behavior.   Everything helps.   The bible says everything is frustration, futility, absurdity, nonsense.   You can be a vicious and violent virtuous victim.  You can be a kind psychopath.   Making a difference can be making a difference.  Myself, I squish bugs and eat meat and write.  If Only God is good, and God killed “only” 2.8M+ enemies, well….   what are we teaching our children?  The bible also says not to repay evil with evil, but if vengeance is considered virtue, probity, and righteousness, then it’s all basically Whatever, I guess.   I still have MY values, (Bible) God be damned, alright?  We are all dark, the most virtuous among us, especially.  That’s what it is to be human.  We must cultivate peace and equanimity.   Fairness and justice get perverted into some big malicious act of vengeance that makes nothing better besides satisfying a hunger for karmic payback and punishment (sometimes, “seven-fold”).   I don’t like it.  Not at all.   I’m happy in my cocoon, fulminating against evil and hypocrisy, and staying out of the fray.   If there’s a perfectly virtuous psychopathic God who is the Source of all goodness killing the wicked willy-nilly, well maybe more power to him.   But that God is not me.  

Nobody is pure evil, and anyone who is pure good would let these supposedly depraved demons live, as I see it.  It's all good.   I mean, life is good.   For me, now, at least.   I know it gets twisted.

Pentecost

 Tongues of fire

Pentecost has nothing to do with being pent up, or repentance, or a penthouse.  The etymology relates to the number 50, so it is actually related to 'pentagon.'.  I've had a lengua burrito, which is beef tongue (off a fire).   The Holy Spirit is what fills you with life.  What the vampires call "blood."   What the psychic vampires call 'prana' (life force).  What most of us think of as Breath.   And what some of us think of as "members" (of the body of christ), spearing it, filling us, that sort of thing.    God is "up to" something.  We're a "small part" of the Christian body.   One body, one spirit, corporate.   Corpse, spear, hole.   Praise (p raise), bind us together (bondage), give us love for one another, spread the "mess"age, holy bible (holes and bi), discipline and devotion of dad.   Speaking of food, the lord is my strength (eat up!).   Are you experienced?  Experience the spirit.   Naked kids en"roll" in bread-making class.    Kinky king, and organ music.    Through with in and of (2,5).   Amen.

Other fun thought

Presents of God.   God's gift.  Do your pants breathe (pant pant).   The living room has come alive.  Holly bible.  Bibs, bibles, and babies.  At work, like the prophet Job.   Nice work, if you can get it.  Weight of the world, wow.   Wearing my Heal And Transform hat.   Have windy words no limit?   Consequential con consciousness.   Pre-priest.  Prophet profits.  Moses' MO.  DiSCI-ples of SCI-ence.    Hymnals and him-null.    Refuse refuge.   Nude and new D.   Hell Ack as Help?   Hel P  (:-P).    Satanist statements.   Hostile toward hostages.   Paws and caws, dogs and crows, pause and cause.    Eunuch units.    Druse Jews.   Servants serve ants!  Coven-ants?  ANT-hropology!   We're a part of Nature, stewards of Nature, children of Mother Earth, animals on this ball of rock and water, floating like a speck in the inky Vastness of space, waiting to die, going to Hope Arkansas, and Paradise California, and Hell Norway, and Barstow.

Psychopathy

Pure Psychopath.

Psychopathy is short for psychological pathology, which might make you think it’s synonymous with ‘mental illness,’  but it’s not.    It’s pronounced sigh-cop-uhthee, so it’s got cop in it, but really you should be looking at the ‘chop.’   Psychopaths are sociopaths.   The terms are used interchangeably.  A sociopath is a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior, and lack of conscience .  A psychopath is defined, alternatively, as having a chronic mental disorder involving abnormal or violent social behavior.  It is not someone who has traveled down some psychological path.   We all do that.   Anyone with a mind has a mindstream and a flow, like a creek (or river), that follows its own path to sea.  If this were the case, every book would be a psychopath.  Or song.  Or movie.  A path is not pathological.   I had a cousin named Patrick Hennessy (Pat H).  He was not synonymous with pathology, either.   In any case, psychopaths enjoy evil, have no remorse, don’t stop, and become adept at hiding it and blending in.  They comprise 1% of the population, and 15-25% of prisoners, and x% of politicians, etc.   They are cold, manipulative, impulsive, and lack remorse.  They thrive on pain and suffering and getting away with criminal abuse.  Wait, I'm confusing it with sadism.   There's obviously some overlap.    I guess its power, control, deception, attention, and admiration.   The "lay-definition" of evil.  You get the picture.  Mental illness is a larger category.   Mental disorders and psychiatric disabilities fill the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual), which enumerates over 450 distinct definitions of mental illnesses, in 11 categories.   Zooming out further, there are over 2500 known infectious diseases, and over 300 non-infectious diseases, like heart disease, cancer, and diabetes.  So, you can get sick in, what?  Like 3250 ways??  (some sources cite 10,000+).   Psychopathy is just one.  

*The 11 categories of mental illness, per the APA (American Psychological Association), which publishes the DSM, are: 1. neurocognitive, 2. Schizophrenia spectrum and other psychotic, 3. depressive, bipolar, and other related, 4. intellectual, 5. Anxiety and OCD, 6. Somatic symptom and related, 7. Personality and impulse control, 8. Autism spectrum, 9. Neuro-developmental, 10. Eating, and 11 Trauma and stressor-related.    I don’t know what the descending order of prevalence is.   Psychopathy belongs to 7.

Other psychology:   Synaesthesia.    Synesthetes blend senses.   So, like, "white noise".   Or cicadas make it "sound hot".    Or smells have shapes.   Or words have tastes.   Crazy!

Some more interesting psych:  Target sells body sprays ("Hair, Body, and Linen Mists") called "being frenshe" (I used to date an Ellen French) that come in 7 varieties, all of them trying to be therapeutic:  These include:  Empowered and confident, Joy and bliss, Soothe and comfort, Present and grounded, and Unwind and Rest.    What are we really buying, people??

How many diseases are there?  How many KINDS (categories) of diseases are there?   How many ways can you get Sick Ill and Diseased?  My Amazon Echo smart-speaker (Alexa) says:  30,000.   Google says there are "countless specific diseases within each category."    The NORD (national organization for rare diseases) lists over 10,000 rare diseases.   Diseases can be communicable (contagious) ('infectious' is slightly different) or non-communicable.    Hereditary (genetic or non-genetic).   Physiological (impaired functions, organs, or tissues).  Deficiency (lack of nutrients; i.e. vitamins and minerals).   Cardiovascular (heart and blood vessels).  Cancer (over 200 known types).  Mental Health Disorders.   All together?   Who the heck knows.   God save us all.   We're all gonna die!!!  Ahhhhh!

So I read 'The Psychopath Test' by Jon Ronson.   It's not a test.    It's about psychopathy (and madness in general), and is both funny and scary, with horror stories and humorous anecdotes.  He's a good writer.   The name Jon Ronson makes me think of Don Johnson and Charles Bronson.  He wrote 'The Men Who Stare at Goats', which I haven't read (or seen; it was made into a movie).  The test referred to is (Bob) Hare's checklist.   It's a 20 item inventory of personality traits.  (Wikipedia page about, link).   The scary thing is, if you pretend to be (or are misdiagnosed as) crazy (some guy quoted a bunch of movies to get out of prison), it can be very difficult to change your status (and get released).   I came up with something kinda fun: "violent antisocial mental psychopath in relation to everyone' (vampire).    An interesting description of a psychopath is, "a talking mask simply going through the motions of feeling deeply."    In other words, knowing the words but not the music.  One guy interviewed was described, comically, as probably having a grandiose sense of self- worth, sitting in front of a giant oil painting of himself.       Another guy held a press conference to announce himself as the messiah (lol).  

I am NOT announcing myself as a messiah (I'm not).   And I hear the music (and often not the lyrics).   I am what I am.   I am a deity and I am an ant's fart, like everybody else.   So there.    I consider myself grounded and realistic.   I am never bored.    I'm more of a pathological truth-teller.   I don't want to do the full 20 point run-down.   I'm just not.   I was voted "most kind" in grammar school.   I'm a good guy.   If life were a video game, maybe I'd off some bad guys - but it's not.  I imagine we all sometimes want to do horrible things to each other, which is normal.   I published a thousand reasons people kill - to nullify and overcome them.   This is probably an ongoing lifelong process for most of us.  Malice, hate, and resentment require loving-kindness meditation and equanimity.   I seek to espouse -and embody- compassionate service.  I don't know why my doctor recommended this book, but I enjoyed it, and maybe you will too.   Psychopaths are interesting.   Best to read about them, not suffer them.  

Interestingly, the head-shock thing was mentioned.   I've suffered them for years.  Ronson describes his own:   "Normal people definitely didn't feel like they were being electrocuted from the inside by an unborn child armed with a miniature Taser, that they were being prodded by a wire emitting the kind of electrical charge that stops cattle from going into the next field."    And then, also, he quotes L Ron Hubbard (founder of Scientology), "A person drugged and shocked can be ordered to kill and who to kill and how to do it and what to say afterwards.  Scientologists, being technically superior to psychiatrists, and about a hundred light years above him morally, object seriously to the official indifference to drug-electric-shock treatments...Someday the police will have to take the psychiatrist in hand.    The psychiatrist is being found out." (1969)

X

Solving for It

the number of:

stars, galaxies in, distance across (the known U)

lifeforms, habitable planets

sun, earth deadlines

population, causes of doom

Nuts?  Space-faring requirements, terraforming requirements

what else?  read, write.  number of books, how to not make space boring, sex, good food, dream machine, Star Trek tech (holodeck), dna alteration, stasis, space-dust safety, exercise/ healthy vitality.  

Make Mars into a space ship.  Or Earth, itself.     Or the moon.    Thrusters!  

What is the number of numbers?  X.   You could fill the universe with numbers.   Like googol.   Is there a symbol for googol?  A googol googol googol googol googol googol (times a googol).   You STILL wouldn't have Infinity!!!!   Even a Yobi-Googolplex isn't.   Infinity is not Real*.   In this world the only thing certain is Death and Taxes, said Ben Franklin.  Death is not only certain, it is Infinite.   You'll be dead forever.  Space and time (and spacetime) are all infinite.   God's love is infinite.   I don't know.   Can you think of anything else?  I can't.   8 is 8.   8 is not infinity.    Even if you read it sideways, lol.  

I can't imagine things otherwise.   How can space just stop?  Or time?  The Monty Hall problem make me think that I'm smarter than Marilyn Vos Savant.    The Wikipedia page goes on and on.   But she's wrong.   There's a difference between in theory and in reality.   There's a 100% chance of what's real being that way, even if there are a million theoretical possibilities.   There's a 50% chance of one possibility being right of 2 possibilities, theoretically.   This is an important distinction.    You grok?

My name is Jesse Teshara.  Jest.   My dad is Larry Teshara.   Tesla.   Mom, Peggy Teshara.   Egypt.   

Or, Jetta, Tesla, PT Cruiser, GLT (a family of cars!).    Vroom.

*a googolplex googolplexes is still not infinity

The Final Frontier

your left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear (ha)

Anyway, Space, The Universe, The Vast, The Cosmos, The Void, The Infinite Volume, The All, Everything, Reality, The Mind-Bogglingly Big Never-ending Expanse of Inky Black...

Everything in the Universe is vibrating, I am told.   And "empty space" is not actually empty, too.  Spacetime is full of good stuff.   So the Universe is bounded by absolute zero, where nothing moves, and there is no heat, and the boundary is only-god-knows-how-much-further-out from the limits of our telescopes and understanding (the "known universe").   I have heard the "average point in space is pitch black" which is interesting, I guess.  Hawking said spacetime "began" with the Big Bang and therefore there was no time "before" the Universe popped/exploded into being.  I don't buy that, myself.   Space is infinite, and time is, too, if you ask me, but what do I know.    

I suppose all the stars will wink out and the Universe will go dark, and everything will return to being All Black ("murdered out" (??) - like a rapper's Navigator, ha).    But I know nothing on that score.   Shit, maybe every square inch will be filled by light.   I don't think I care.

Space is the place for Ace hardware, Ace Frehley, and Ace Ventura.   Ace Young and Ace Old.   Racy lace and cold cases.   Anyway.   There are x stars in x galaxies across a known universe x distance across, with x forms of life, and x potentially habitable exoplanets, and x years left before our sun engulfs our planet, which has an estimated x years left anyway before the x population of earth all die from x.

If we are to be a space-faring species, we need to do x.    Terraforming involves x.   The technology we have already developed is x, and the tech we need is x.   Solve for x.

wordplay: cetaceans of the cretaceous,   cruel crew make me long for kind kin,   Jewish/ Christian Jesus Christ's job/career as a joiner carpenter.   Your ordination has been ordained by God.    Retarded and rewarded.   All or nothing, and awl or something.   Marrying the Universe?  Knot at all!    The face of faith.   Rene and Stimpy.   Bed time and the end of times.   The sibilant sounds of Slytherin, where syllables of speech using S signify and symbolize the sinful hissing of a satanic serpent.   Ack-kill-lades for legis-slay-tors.    LOL, law of the land.   The dom basketball player dunked on a drunk.   Sticking to hard and fast rules doesn't always make the best porn, said the Baptist rapist.  Ruin8.   Murdering murderous Murdock with merciless malice and meanness.    Loving the dove hovering above with kid gloves.   Washing Washington with pure love, pure fury, and pure cure.   

Godman

 They call me the working man... -Rush

We can be Raw or At Peace, but we should expect the world to get better, and make it so.   Apathy and resignation -and making the world worse- are Unacceptable.   Cruel to be kind?   The world must get worse before it gets better?   The world is overpopulated?  These are tricky spells.  God says, Be Good.  The Bible says only God is good.   My blog says I am God, and You are, too.   But I realize Godhood is not for everyone.   Many (most?) like to Submit.   Also, lots of people can't stretch their prior definition of God to include other things... But the Good Book doesn't say everything.

So I think about God a lot.   I'm a philosopher.   Anything religious, spiritual, good.   I write, so I use words, and the Word was God.   God is love, and God is a man of war - a lover not a fighter.   A prince of peace (a mop and a pop?).    Men of peace study Aikido, they say.   Love is devotion and delight (Being a dad is not in the cards for me, though).   Love is respect, care, kindness, sensuality, laughter, joy, bringing out the best in each other.  But love is not always fun.   They say it is hard work.  Love takes Grit Determination.   Lovers shouldn't just have sexual chemistry, in my book, but Partners should also a) grok and understand each other, b) be Friends, Companions, Simpático, and c) Commit to each other, being faithful and true, without cheating, inoculated against temptation, with devotion and dedication.      

God is I AM.   There's a lot of existence, with and without brains.  All in all is Allah we are.  God, man.   Far out, cosmic.   God is Always and Everywhere?  Well, that means...  

God is dead.  God is everything, the whole ball of wax, the system.   Things are dead.   People are things.   People are bodies, and bodies are complex objects.  Mind.    Like spirit of radio.  Radios are objects and radio waves are a thing, too, so to speak.   Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when open?   You should be spiritually open.   Come on in, Everybody!   Just shut up.   It's a meditation hall, not a freaking rude babble party.  I mean, I'm alive, but when you think about it, we're just breathing objects that move and stuff.   I'm not willing to say that objects are alive.   I really don't think rocks have consciousness.  You need neurons for that.   But jellyfish are alive.   Heck, I dunno.

Adi Da was a Godman.  Jesus, Buddha (kind of), and even L Ron, in his own mind.   We're all entitled to think of ourselves any way we want.   God of Gods will judge all gods?  Delusions of grandeur aren't delusions if you're really grand.   I think everybody is, actually.   But you can also say everybody are ants, on this rock in space, important to ourselves, but in the Vast Space of an Infinite Universe?  Totally infinitesimal, puny, meaningless, trivial.  Maybe this is good news.

Goddamn Godman, God Am (His/Her name is Iams cat food).   I am what I am.   What I shall prove to be.  Who Am.   Who are you?   God is everything, and we are all Nothing, nonexistent, really.   Punier than ant farts.  I'm not nullifying your life.  You are the ruler of your own skull-sized kingdom, which can be Near-Infinite!   A brain is a wondrous thing.   Omnipotence is a helluva drug.

God is just a concept.  It is not possible to be Omnipotent.   To Create a Universe (unless you mean something like a Marvel Universe).  To know Everything (even if you are a Supercomputer reading the Internet, I would say).  But it's fun to play with.   God is the source and embodiment of Virtue, God is good.   Just like the Devil is evil.   It's just wordplay, that goes ON and ON and ON.   Sorry.

Are some folks more God than others?  More virtuous, or more holy, or more powerful, or more knowledgeable....   Heck, some people are telepaths and generate eidetic imagery, like Morpheus.   Spiritually open folks can have networks operating within them, entire corporations and collectives.  I happen to think the lowliest baby, the stupidest and slowest individuals with intellectual disability,  the craziest most deluded psychotic mentally ill person, and the tiniest ant, are all equal, equally holy, equally God.   Not just bloggers like myself.   It's all good.   We have our preferences about what's better.   But life is absurd for everyone, from the brilliant billionaires to the bloody, bitten gobbled-up bulls.  Where's the beef?  It's okay, OK?   Who the hell gives a fuck what you are?   You're a saint?  Good for you.  You're a psychopath? Good for nothing.   I mean, the sociopaths find joy in their own ways.   Whatever.

I and I wish you and you luck!