Ned
Hello, my name is Ned. I am dead.
Dead Ned. I got shot in the head. Yep, that's what I said. Now I'm
all red, because I bled. They laid me on the bed, and now I can't
get fed, my problem can't be fixed by a med, and I'm full of lead.
I'm full of dread about what comes after I'm dead. Will I be locked
in a shed? Will the devil lock me up in prison with Fred and make me
spread? Will I have to watch those talks -TED? Oh well, I guess
I'll never wed. Ah, rose bud. My favorite sled.
Zorg
Greetings, earthlings. My name is
Zorg, from the planet Zax, in the Nebulon star system. I am your new
master. All will prostrate before me. Those who do not will be
tortured. Now kneel. On the ground, lowly worms. A new age of
servitude and splendor is about to commence. When I enter a room,
all will proclaim, “hail, Zorg, king of earthlings!” Those who
do not will instantly be vaporized. The earth is my new home. It is
now a giant playground for me and my fellow Zaxons. We will be
respected, and I will be worshipped. Have I made myself clear? Wo
bu shuo zhong wen!!
Arsie
Once upon a time, there was a robot
cat. It clicked and it whizzed, emitting an electronic purr, from
time to time, as it's algorithms indicated. It would arch its back,
and bat computer mice around, and was capable of astonishing leaps of
great height, enabled by state of the art servo-mechanisms. It
didn't need litter, or fancy feast – rather, it could stick it's
tail into a socket and simply recharge after a long day as robo-cat.
It needed weekly oiling, to keep it's joints and motors at the
optimum level of maintenance. But after 18.17986 femtoseconds, its
value began to depreciate, especially relative to the latest model of
robotic house companion, manufactured by Robotronix incorporated, of
Italy, of Doge, the robo-dog. The robodog and robocat were each
programmable as to whether they would get along (or not). Robo-cats
came with the option of adding a power-pack that enabled quick
escapes from the predations of unfriendly beings, robotic or
otherwise, when the schematics of it's environment were uploaded into
its mainframe. Were they expensive? Yes, very.
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