a meditation

a brief reflection

Just sitting, breathing, open -listening, the traffic rolls by, engines idle, the refrigerator hums,.. (re: interacting with the stuff in my room, after looking at items) So many possibilities, to hold in mind all at once? easier to forego such a mental requirement, forego a tally of such magnitude, and simply be.  Time passes- there is no need to do one thing more than another, or to do anything at all.  Productivity, efficiency, progress toward mastery- a sea of library books, wikipedia articles, radio stations, youtube videos, cd's and magazines and movies; and, of course, relationships- bars, okcupid profiles, paid dating websites/apps, the student body of the nearby university, and of course my family and friends.  It's overwhelming, really.  I also want to be healthy and sane: gym membership, home exercise, trying different modes of employment, pursuit of the almighty dollar (is the lottery EVER worth it?).  Every ticket I buy spawns a routine of imagining winning, and what I would spend it on.  I suppose it can be a fruitful exercise.  You live until you die, is the only way to stay sane, sings the song.  Noise and fury, signifying nothing, wrote Shakespeare.  Well, I turn 45 soon.  I look forward to my next 45!  What will happen?  Where will it lead?