Monday, December 22, 2014

psych jokes

psyc ha logy
happy Ha! nukkah:

1.those blue diamond truckers really drive me nuts!

2.i fell into a french river, and now I'm in-seine

3.a guy wearing nothing but saran wrap walks into his psychiatrist's office:
she says, "I can clearly see your nuts" (you're)

4.how many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
only one, but it has to really want to change.

5.a crazy person walks into a dentist's office.
he says, doctor doctor you've gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!
The dentist says, you need a psychiatrist, I'm a dentist, why did you come in here?
to which he replies, The light was on!

6. (riddle) what mental illness does the entire planet have?
well, there's a north pole and a south pole: so, it's bipolar.

7. doctor, doctor I keep having the same dream: first I'm a wigwam, then i'm a teepee.
well, it's clear what your problem is: you're two tents! (too tense)

8. The motor city madman beds a lunachick, which crazy Jay-z thinks is 'insane in the membrane' and Dr. Dre considers to be a symptom of schizophrenic insanity.  Ted Nugent demands a second opinion!  The doctor replies, "Okay, you're ugly, too!"

if you know any others, please submit my omissions!
(skittles-o-phrenia?)(nuttiest phone company, mci -mad crazy insane?)
(sanity of a manatee?) (gone fishing? out to lunch? outsane?)
(toys in the attic? lost his marbles?)
that's all i've got! help me out here.

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